Tag Archives: mature

566. Femmy Secrets for Harmony — #4


♦       She doesn’t pester her man at his work to reaffirm her feelings or relieve fears.

♦       She intuitively senses that gratitude for her man must precede his full appreciation of her.

♦       She stresses fidelity to her mate over everything else except faithfulness to God.

♦       She teaches and guides daughters to mature first, love next, and leave sex to marriage. It’s how fathers want daughters to grow up.

♦       She dreams about herself and her man as team, and what they should and can do.

♦       She uplifts his manliness and masculinity to get what she wants.

♦       She routinely keeps her own spirits uplifted by prettifying herself for different events of the day.

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362. Mr. Good Enough


Women are starting to choose ‘good enough’. Smart move, especially for those unable to find their Mr. Right and mature enough to know and accept the practical and emotional differences.

1.     It enables marriage sooner. She may know a ‘good enough’ or two worthy of practical comparison with her dream-like Mr. Right.

2.     It exploits female strengths. This improves her chances for identifying his potential for domestic harmony. Practicality usually wins over passion in choosing a life partner.

3.     Lower expectations produce less dissatisfaction. His shortcomings become more easily tolerable,  and she’s just the relationship expert to handle those things. He’s less likely to become Mr. Wrong.

4.     ‘Good enough’ opens the door to finding devotion instead of just commitment. Maybe not her devotion to him but his to her, and that’s more important for fulfilling her hopes and dreams.

Some women will choke on this, but her devotion to him will arise according to her actions that respect, endorse, and appreciate his efforts and who he is as husband and father. Such actions program her subconscious favorably, which is the source of emotions, and what we call the heart.

Let me close by quoting the lady blog author at http://theartofbeingfeminine.blogspot.com/

CHOOSE INTELLECTUALLY – LOVE AFTERWARD

NOTE: The previous post, #361, is companion to this one. I suggest you view it also.

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344. Ties that bind, or not! — Their fears


Self-interest motivates everyone to do what they do. Immature men make life tough, but the mature woman has the natural expertise to overcome.

 

She fears abandonment. She fears losing him above all else, whether killed, incapacitated, or a walk out. Abandonment strikes her ego as well as her heart.

 

She expects him to overextend himself, as necessary, to provide reassurances. The devoted husband sacrifices to avoid torturing his loveable wife with continual fears that weaken her appreciation for him.

 

He fears insignificance, and her eyes reflect it first. Her lack of respect and gratefulness makes his sense of significance decay. Wounding his spirit can be terminal.

 

Even slight decay can jumpstart motivational forces in him. He seeks to restore his sense of manliness—more independence, expensive toys, trophy woman, or just walk out. Mid-life crisis worsens whatever he chooses to do.

 

He doesn’t necessarily expect it, but ‘smart wife’ becomes head cheerleader for who he is and what he does. She also adds each child to the cheerleading squad.

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342. Ties that bind, or not! — Their needs


Self-interest motivates everyone to do what they do, but it also conflicts with what a spouse expects.

 

She needs a brighter future for her family. Mature women exploit their relationship expertise. They work for stable security and promote family development, closeness, and harmony. Immature women seek materialistic brighteners—more money, continuous shopping, unaffordable housing.

 

Those things are not that important to men. Their male nature focuses more on the present than the future. Wife expects husband to respond favorably to her wishes about their future. However, it takes skill so as not to interfere with his near-term thinking, interests, and plans.

 

Mature wives focus and coach husband on building and sustaining their marriage. Immature wives pressure husband for greater effort, for more and better of whatever he does. (When he never measures up, it sends loud messages that he’s inadequate and may even be insignificant.)

 

His needs are far simpler than hers. He only needs a place to flop, eat, throw his things, and prepare for tomorrow’s ‘battles’.

 

Such a place is easy to come by elsewhere. Consequently, in marriage he expects fun and comfort to compensate for loss of independence.

 

It’s her home to build and dominate. When she does it well, it’s a castle to him.

 

Tradeoffs leads to cooperation—good! Disrespect for their opposing natures leads to competition—ungood!

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268. Weans, tweens, and teens #10 — Self-centered


          This post continues the description of subsets that make up the universal motivator, self-interest (post 223). Mature self-interest arrives after a child passes through three stages that are simplified here for clarity.

Selfish (post 239), self-centered, and self-tests are actions that motivate children at various stages of growing up. This post summarizes selfishness and then addresses self-centeredness.

In the last half of the weans, selfishness is the standard order of the day for toddlers. Such children promote their interests ahead of what’s agreeable with others. It becomes an undesirable habit, when they learn that it pays off. 

As effective parenting discourages selfishness, the child learns to think long instead of short term. He learns that spitefulness does not pay but fairness usually does. Groundwork is thus laid for the next stage after toddlerhood.

Self-centeredness arises during the tweens and takes two forms in every child. Whether viewed as good or bad, he behaves to make himself feel good about himself.

Parents consider it bad, when a child focuses repeatedly on getting others to make him feel good about himself. The child dwells on getting attention, affection, or appreciation. After repeated failures to be satisfied, he often escalates to outrageous behavior.  

Parents consider it good, when a child energizes himself to make his life better or more interesting. He depends upon himself to feel good about himself. He learns to benefit from turning off his selfish and self-centered switches when associating with others.

Self-centeredness in the tweens determines what’s ahead for the child and helps shapes his adult self-interest.

Lessons learned take on permanence as puberty arrives. Following that, the teen years provide the third stage of developing adult self-interest—self-testing. That’s the next post in this series.

[More about childhood mental growth appears in posts 239, 223, 208, 197, 193, 192, 187, 178, and 177. Scroll down or search by the number with a dot and space following it.]

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248. Virtual Virginity #14


♀ ♥ Virtual virginity means just say No to unmarried sex. The purpose: To separate mature from immature, real from fake, reliable from irresponsible, surprising from humdrum, decisive from spineless, adult from adolescent in men and boys. Otherwise known as assessing a guy’s true potential for responsible husbanding and fathering.

♀ ♥ Unless he chooses to drop her—very likely in today’s sexual arena—denial of unmarried sex makes a man focus more and more on her quality, value, and potential as whole person and, hence, wife.

♀ ♥ Conquest stops his looking so diligently for her weaknesses and thus learning about her strengths; other things become more important than sex with her.

♀ ♥ Conquest releases a man to focus on other things. It frees him to move his attention to something else such as job, hobby, buds, or other females. 

♀ ♥ If she can refuse unmarried sex until she conquers him for marriage, she expands her influence over his natural dominance. The winning conqueror shapes their subsequent relationship.

♀ ♥ Women play the man’s game. They shop for friendship, pay with sex, and hope the relationship leads to shack up or marry up. Friendship based on sex doesn’t last, which makes escape easier for men.

[More about virtual virginity appears in posts 231, 212, 198, 181, 169, 158, 147, 136, 125, 96, 70, 51, and 44. Post 25 describes options for girls. Scroll down or search for the number with a dot and space following.]

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239. Weans, tweens, and teens #9 — Selfishness


Selfishness is the most junior of three subsets of self-interest. It predominantly appears in the wean years. (Post # 223)

Selfishness insists on getting one’s way at the expense of others. It’s natural to the human condition.

The need for and delivery of food and care teaches infants that being selfish pays off. Thus, long before an infant’s conscious mind comes alive, his subconscious mind gets ‘wired’ that putting self first is essential for living.

To the nurturer and observers, selfishness is unfairness. At first an infant puts too much pressure on caregivers, who quickly learn to handle or squelch the pressure. Later, it’s about sharing, especially with siblings.

Unfairness makes it an equality issue. Women, not men, favor and strive for equality. This better prepares mothers to ‘cure’ selfishness in a child. This makes it the province of nurturing, which means it’s more easily ‘corrected’ in the weans.

Later, as tweens and teens, selfishness becomes minor to the degree a child is led into making more mature decisions. By puberty selfish tendencies have been submerged behind other more beneficial habits in a child’s self-interest.

Selfishness provides one of the measuring sticks to forecast the adult from the child at puberty. The less selfish, the more mature. And vice versa.

Weaning a child from selfishness is minor compared to two other subsets of self-interest. The next, self-centeredness, follows at post 268.

[More about childhood mental growth appears in posts 223, 208, 197, 193, 192, 187, 178, and 177. Scroll down or search by the number with a dot and space following it.]

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