Tag Archives: mature

218. From feminine mystique to feminist mistakes — Part 2


As women goes, so goes society. That’s the story of America.

     Over several centuries, our foremothers took America from male-centered to family-centered. It peaked in the late 20th Century.

     Husbands built American political, legal, and economic greatness. They dominated both workplace and society. But wives dominated home, family, and culture. (Society is what people do, culture is why they do it.)

     Wives/mothers shaped and policed the social landscape with family-centered values, because they had the freedom and respect to do so. They dominated the home. They gained dominance of the family as industrialization occupied husbands, and universal education occupied kids, outside the home.

     With the help of spinster teachers, married women came to dominate the culture by standardizing and spreading common family-enhancing values—especially marriage, monogamy, morality, and equality of education.

     They also promoted mutual gender respect by pushing feminine as female identity and manly as male identity. This empowered the genders as separate but equal. Parents were enabled to unify compatibly and, thus, maximize benefits for children.

     Except female teachers, single people contributed virtually nothing to the cultural values that guided husbands at work. Married couples made family enterprise the supreme institution. Most men sought marriage and succeeded.

     Wives advised husbands on ways to brighten the family future—build society around families and weed out evil. This uplifted society. Many generations of such wifely influence smoothed the rough edges from male domination.

     Family-centeredness evolved smoothly. However, it peaked after revolutionary zeal spread from Marxists to feminists after the 1960s. Changing America to fit feminist theory now moves society to female-centeredness. The Dark Side of Feminism wipes out family-centeredness.

     How foremothers did it is next post facto for this title.

[America’s move from mystique to mistakes also appears in post 204. Scroll down or search by the number]

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208. Weans, tweens, and teens #7—Self-image


A person’s self-image (aka self-concept) sets boundaries on our behavior, which we usually observe. When we don’t, ‘corrective’ action or rationalization usually follows to explain or excuse departure. Our self-image keeps us on the track of our life.

Definition. Self-image is the mental and spiritual ‘picture’ each individual has of himself.

Wired and programmed into our subconscious, it identifies us to us. From it, we know who we are, how we mix with our world, what we can and can’t do. It tends to restrict us to doing what’s ‘normal’ for us.

Development. For simplicity only, I explain it this way: Nature and genetics wire the newborn brain. Care givers, people nearby, and surroundings program the baby’s subconscious—whether intended or not.

·        The roots of self-image lie in cooing, crying, and smiling that produce feedback. It programs into a baby’s subconscious whether he can or can’t affect his world when he’s happy or in need of attention, touch, or comfort.

·        Self-image blossoms after the conscious mind comes alive. In toddlerhood, self-programming begins and competes with adult supervision. The child explores the world around him and shapes his picture of himself. He discovers new capabilities within boundaries set with avoidance ‘therapy’ of hot stove, timeout, or spank.  

·        Development explodes in the tweens. Hero-adoration becomes the nuclear power that energizes the typical tween. Identification with heroes enlarges hopes, dreams, and imaginary accomplishments. Emotional visualizations program the subconscious with capabilities awaiting later use. Minor mistakes and corrections refine behavioral boundaries.   

·        Self-image enlargement slows after puberty and matures in the teens. Independent judgment and self-validation test tween hopes and dreams in the real world.

·        By age 21 self-image stabilizes but refinements set in for meeting an individual’s self-interest as an adult.

This series continues next with ‘self-interest’.

[More about childhood mental growth appears in posts 197, 193, 192, 187, 178, and 177. Scroll down or search by the number with a dot and space following it.]

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192. Weans, tweens, and teens #4—Heads Up!


Some natural principles govern development of the mind.

Involved adults ‘program’ the subconscious mind of each child. Successful programming flows primarily from nurturing in the weans and dominant leadership in the tweens. But both of these adult capabilities lose effectiveness after puberty embraces a child.  

Coaching succeeds best with teens, if adequate wiring and programming were done earlier.  

At puberty a child’s subconscious is crowded, partially filled, or empty. It’s works as if the subconscious mind were finite.

If filled to capacity with adult and mature values for self-guidance, teen peer influence will be minimized. When it’s not filled with values that endorse mature adult behavior, ‘leftover room’ will be filled with teen peer values.

Children well-prepared for adulthood aspire to reach it. Rather than claim the glories of post-puberty teen independence, they seek smooth passage through adolescence in order to reach adult goals beyond.

Consequently, those well prepared for adulthood pass mostly unscathed by troubled teens. They minimize rather than add to family problems.

On the flip side, some kids pass through puberty with minds empty or near-empty of mature adult values. They are the troubled teens.

More follows about the subconscious.

[More about the mind appears in posts 187, 178, and 177. Best viewed in that order too. Scroll down or search by a number with dot and space following it.]

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190. The high cost of cheap sex—Part 09


♀ Round heels inspire masculine performance without satisfaction of meeting a manly challenge.

Shaping the minds of adolescents especially, Hollywood and TV create assertive female roles to out-conquer the male for sex. For example, sight of him clicks her passion switch, and she undresses him. Desperation and eagerness flood the screen. It’s fun for wishful viewers—but believable role models? Real life operates much differently and adolescents especially miss these messages:

·        Men appreciate cheap and easy sex. But, they don’t much value unearned gifts.

·        Such female behavior cheapens a man’s conquering spirit. It denies him opportunity to prove his manly worth by other than sexual performance.

·        It makes her exciting for sex, but too eager and, therefore, too loose for a man to expect her faithfulness.  

·        Being given what a man expects to be a challenge turns him toward a true challenge.

·        The female nature intuitively guides mature girls and women away from such extreme behavior. They know something else is better for them.

♂ Though not as women expect, casual sex energizes men. If she’s that free and easy, then pursue the next score, notch the bedpost, and go after more.

[More about cheap sex appears in posts 171, 161, 149, 138, 99, 84, 39, and 2. Scroll down or search by the number with dot and space following.]

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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186. Female Fortitude — 17 through 25


These ‘fortitudinals’ provide themes or summarize posts. The paragraph numbers match the posts.

17.      A mature woman can cope with her man’s sharp tongue much easier than he can with hers.

18.      When words are enough to conquer, that and little else is what men will offer.

19.      Female soft-headedness: She wants her own man so badly that she signs up with almost any male offer.

21.      Com-mit-ment counts as three little words. So does, “What’s for dinner?”

22.      Some women tear down manliness and masculinity to get what women want. Other women uplift manliness and masculinity to get what women want.

23.      Feminism divides and alienates men and women. Femininity breathes harmony into male-female relationships.

24.      Women marry expecting their man to change, but he doesn’t. Men marry expecting their wife not to change, but she does.

25.      Virtual virginity buys time to earn a man’s devotion, which bonds more tightly than commitment.

[Previous fortitudinals appear in posts 176 and 182.]

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178. Weans, tweens, and teens #2—ThreePhases


This series is about mental development and shaping the minds of children.

It’s not love that raises a child, it’s how parents apply their love with a single purpose in mind. Effective parenting comes from converting love and affection into mature adult thinking that first nurtures, then leads, and finally coaches a child into mature adult behavior.  

Children develop differently in three distinct phases. Consider the far end of each phase to be the first grade, puberty, and age 21 and to vary somewhat for each child.

·         In the ‘weans’ before age six or seven, a child finally eases away from mom’s side. Throughout the weans, nurture works best to prepare a child for mature behavior in adulthood.

·         In the ‘tweens’ before puberty, dominant leadership works best to prepare a child for mature behavior in adulthood.

·         In the teens after puberty, coaching works best to prepare a child for mature behavior in adulthood.

The most important phrase above is “prepare a child for mature behavior in adulthood.” All that follows has that as the primary objective of mind development.

[More on the mind appears at post 177 and others that follow this post with higher numbers. Scroll upward.]

 

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177. Weans, tweens, and teens #1—Introduction


This series is about mental development and shaping the minds of children.

I don’t offer advice or try to be too specific. The relationship and family arenas are so complex that everyone has to discover, test, and adopt for themselves what works, and what does not work.

As with marriage, it’s not the big things that hold a family together, such as love, vows, mutual respect, gratefulness, togetherness, teamwork, responsibility, employment, health, sex. Success arises from minimizing the disrespectful and abrasive little irritants that compound to gnaw at and eat away the biggies—especially mutual and equitable respect for individuals that have varying responsibilities.

Loving parents can succeed at parenting, but love won’t do it. It’s simultaneously never enough and too much. Childhood pain arises from too little, too much, and the misuse of love. Examples to follow.

[More about the mind follows with higher numbers. Scroll upward.]

 

 

 

 

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