Tag Archives: maturity

2053. Her Happiness vs. His Satisfaction


This sex difference brings compatibility to the marital table. Born to be happy, she has to earn happiness. Born to be satisfied, he finds it in daily accomplishments. She primarily is motivated to continually find self-importance and associating with others is critical. Others are not so critical until he invites them into his life. He primarily is motivated to find self-admiration in his daily endeavors. Success brings happiness to her and satisfaction to him. But the process is far more complex for her.

Earning Her Happiness. Energized to be happy doesn’t do it. She has to earn happiness little by little through a distinct process. She strives to make herself important but she can’t do it directly (important as a woman, that is). She depends on confirmation from others. She shows gratitude to them, and their appreciation reflects back to confirm her self-importance. IOW, she trades gratitude for self-importance.

However, she can’t give what she doesn’t have, so self-gratitude limits how self-important she sees herself. Consequently, her happiness depends solely on her. If that confuses, think of it this way. She identifies how grateful she is for herself, finds ways to be grateful for others, receives importance in return, and her many-times compounded sense of self-importance transmutes into happiness. (Gratitude for things provides no feedback of her importance except as she convinces herself and that fades away quickly. A new car, for example, can be analogous to the new picture she hangs but whose importance is taken for granted so quickly that it fades conscious notice after three or four days. The car can’t appreciate her and so it’s self-determined importance fades perhaps after a few months.)

Satisfaction for Him. He strives to do things that bring self-admiration. He doesn’t need admiration by others but it helps according to how well he respects the admirer. He earns satisfaction from his accomplishments, actual and imagined, but mostly from his job. So, he’s easily and almost continually satisfied. Maturity brings both opportunity and willingness to enable others to depend on his ability, the root of his self-admiration. He lets others see his worth as a producer and offers himself as their protector. His heart tells him that he can produce more wealth for himself and worth for others with the proper encouragement and support. And the loop closes for his participation as a mate. He need only find a woman with high promise for supporting and encouraging him in his endeavors, future but mostly the present.

Men are born to be satisfied and they come by it easily. Unless their childhood pushes initiative, ambition, or sense of responsibility out of their minds, they find satisfaction in their work, projects, and accomplishments. Men neither think nor talk much about happiness. It’s bound up almost inseparably in their satisfaction, which comes so easily out of routine habits. They are basically happy when they have something to do, someone to love, and something to look forward to. [Until I come up with a better one, I borrow the description in the last sentence from Brad Thor’s current best seller novel, the Art of War.]

 

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555. Choices Program the Heart — Part I: Intro


As a man, I operate under these basic assumptions: A female’s sensibilities show the boundaries of her heart. When offended or threatened that way, she has gone too far and should reverse course wherever she is and whatever others are doing. To do otherwise is to program her heart against her self-interest and usually for the worse. Her internal sensitivities guide her better than anything else for remaining a strong, independent, and well-balanced female.

I learned this by observing generational trends among females. Over the past five decades girls converted their gender toward evermore masculine beliefs. They aborted female mystery, modesty, marriage, monogamy, and manners. They demeaned ladies and scorned gentlemanly behavior.

Each generation outdid the previous; they blew away well-established and female-protective sensitivities to open earlier and more expressive exposure to males. They freely gave away their uniqueness, attractiveness, and superior value as mates. They gave away the very influences that attract men and hold one man to one woman.

Girls led the way when they quit listening to mom and authority figures in the Sixties and took up listening to males. Adolescent values last for life, unless tempered with wisdom during formation. Consequently, women find themselves well into physical maturity but strapped with adolescent values about sex, dealing with men, and keeping a husband.

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548. Femmy Secrets Promote Harmony — # 1


This series highlights practices and habits that produce female advantage or prevent relationship reflux.

♫     She bases her love around his masculine values, rules, and expectations that help fulfill female hopes and dreams and particularly hers. (It sounds anti-female, but it fulfills a primal urge to brighten her future.)

♫     She trusts more than suspects, offers friendship warmth instead of co-dependency, and extends loving appreciation for instead of direct involvement in every little decision he makes.

♫     She cooperates with her man in his domain, so she can dominate in her own.

♫     She encourages her man to improve his sense of personal and family responsibility. She indirectly tells or suggests WHAT to do and lets him determine the HOW and the TIME. Patience energizes his conscience about pleasing her.

♫     She endorses ‘how one plays the game’ as vital for mentoring children into maturity and minimizing the seriousness of marital disputes. ‘Winning is everything’ applies only to males and outside the home.

♫     She resists the male conquering drive to earn greater respect—the precursor of a man’s love. She further delays conquest throughout courtship in order to confirm his devotion and solicit firm obligations.

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546. Response to Viewer — 08


WWNH: Any reward for being a person occurs internally, whether it originated from Self or others. Expect payoffs from others, and disappointment follows.

Princess Reina asks at post 545: Where is the payoff for us? It seems women “are having to do a lot of emotional babysitting and handholding for men just to get them through the dating process, let alone marriage.”

Good questions! However, as a friend adds to each email: “Life isn’t about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain.” Perhaps you’ve not yet struck gold, but keep panning; it takes a lot of water, which means more dancing.

Young females lack maturity to appreciate what follows. They may not even care. But, the true, God–given, Nature-endowed reward for females comes late in life manifested in ways seldom thought about earlier. It’s what women never hear but grandmothers embrace as reward for earlier struggles.

  • Complete love is unconditional, selfless, and sacrificial. It’s the kind God has for each of us and encourages us to duplicate. Most people do with less.
  • Reliable and enduring love comes after years together. His capacity for it depends upon self-respect reinforced by his woman. Her capacity depends on self-love reinforced by loving devotion from a man. (Princess Syndrome works pretty well in adulthood.)
  • Later in life she confidently escalates herself to matriarch as the ratio of estrogen to testosterone in her body declines. Husband’s chemistry goes the other way, so this naturally shifts dominance toward her. As years go by, this enables her to spearhead family harmony and solidarity more assertively, influentially, and permanently.
  • The ultimate female reward is a loving, loveable, and loved family of happy children and adults that she ‘put together’ and dominates as mother hen instead of matriarch as she deserves. She spends her young life using indirectness to master the art of family harmony and receives her rewards indirectly from what she produced.
  • Pride and self-confidence saturate her person; she melted and integrated all her goals into what matters most—a great family. (Among gazillions of lessons, she learned along the way that the critical side of her nature was excessive and the grateful side too weak, and so she changed into a blessing for the whole family. That’s her ultimate reward, and it arrives internally from gazillions of outside signals.)  

Granny’s life work reflects in the character of her grandchildren, which arose from her children, which arose from herself in earlier years. Grandpa taught obedience and how to follow. Granny taught right and wrong, good and evil, and how to dance in the rain.

Character selection of her man and character building of her offspring are roots of ultimate female reward. Unfortunately today, many look for rewards without planting seeds and letting stormy rain do the rest.

Her Highness Wife Grace says: “This reads just like a big hug.”

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506. Her Exceptionalness — II


This post has been revised as article 1535.

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504. Virtual Virginity #21


©     Repeatedly refused sex by one woman brings out both the best and worst in a man. This enables females to identify Mr. Good Enough and condition his thinking and shape his interests into potential Mr. Right.

©     As Emerson said: The world turns on hope. Her relationships always spin, plunge, and soar on hope. Virtual virginity shifts his life from hope for sex to hope for her.

©     Her personal policy of virtual virginity should not be disclosed to those that know her. It works better as private commitment to Self. “Not now” leaves a man with hope. “I’m saving myself for marriage” discourages and may destroy all hope before he gets to really know her.

©     Old school values promote maturity before sex, the feminine way. Moderns go for sex before maturity, the masculine way.

©     Modern dating, courtship, and marriage build on sex values and expectations developed as immature and sexually active teenagers. Being in charge matures a person, and virtual virginity puts her in charge of his conquering efforts.

©     A woman primarily committed to virtual virginity strengthens herself against the masculine strategy of ‘vague and unavailable’. If someone becomes a fool, let it be him.  

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449. VIRTUE— Magnet for Males —SECTION III


Virtue is learned best before puberty and when taught by parents and authority figures such as teachers. Learned after puberty or taught by peers, behaviors are predominately adolescent. Few appear virtuous to mature men. 

What’s the difference? In today’s social marketplace, popularity and wishful thinking overrule experience and wisdom learned the hard way. Boys do, but men don’t find attractiveness in either female popularity or wishful thinking.   

Teen peers lack the maturity to match parental teaching and transfer of values, especially those regarding virtue.

Mature parents combine experience, wisdom, and personal concern. They promote cultural standards based on moral and religious values that generate respectable and admirable behavior among girls; boys follow and learn to be men accordingly. You can see it in action, as I recap some results it produced a half-century ago.

♥ Females didn’t have to fear vulgarity and disrespectful treatment, because males anticipated a female’s sensibilities and honored her expectations.

♥ Violence against females was rare.

♥ Violence of all kinds was much less common, because parents and especially females tamed, civilized, and domesticated males much better than today.

♥ Girls providing fellatio in school buses and elsewhere was never thought about, much less done and even copied to become popular.  

♥ Mothers directly taught and fathers indirectly coached daughters about boys. Brothers revenged harm to sister’s reputation.

♥ Sexual predators were not unknown, but their numbers were extremely small and audacity weak.

♥ Girls were too easily embarrassed to talk about sex with boys. They explored the subject in the dark, as they were felt over by a boy’s hands. Modesty caused embarrassment in the light, and her virtuous character slowed or stopped his hands in the dark. Or she yielded, self-respect plummeted, virtue took a hit, and his respect and admiration wavered.   

♥ Teen pregnancy was shameful and special care was given usually out of town, if the father didn’t marry her. Shame held down the incidence. (I knew of only one teen girl that reputedly had given birth, and I grew up in a mid-size city with four junior high and two big high schools. I got around to half of them socially during my school years: dances, dates, visits, hanging out.)

♥ Female modesty and feminine unknowns taught boys to respect girls in general. Chastity taught boys to respect each girl in particular. Silent admiration flowed easily out of respect, whether she was liked or not.

♥ Pre-pubescent girls knew nothing about sex and were embarrassed by thoughts of it. Boys of that age were ‘educated’ earlier, if they had bigger brothers. But disinterest usually prevailed until puberty set in. (Plenty of challenges other than sexual interests exist for boys and girls in the tweens.)

♥ Children aspired to become mature adults, not adolescent idols. Few grew up and retained the immature mindset of adolescence, because parents set examples to be admired and respected. Kids sought to duplicate parents.

You can imagine that parents used to have it much easier raising kids than do parents today.

The next post describes how moms and grannies exploited virtue.

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