A 22-year old college woman asked me: What can a woman do to gain confidence back [after she dishonors her vow to chastity] so that she may feel motivated to practice virtual virginity? These starters may help:
First, forgive yourself. If you believe in the Lord, also seek it from Him. We all make mistakes. This means that recovery is everything, and the following shows a lot about how to do it.
Second, forget uplifting your self-esteem. Time, along with trust in the Lord, does that better than anything else. But read post #11 anyway.
Third, the guilt you feel is insignificant to the faulty character of the guy responsible. You showed great self-dedication holding him at bay for a couple years. He showed cowardly irresponsibility by running away after victory. His conquering spirit was actually that of an adolescent con man. He won’t grow out of that persona either. Who wants that for a mate? Can he be depended on? Trusted? Even wanted? Pity his next girlfriend.
Fourth, work to improve your self-image. This takes accomplishments. It’s the picture you have of yourself in terms of roles, capabilities, strengths, and other blessings that God and Nature endowed you with. I offer a few suggestions:
· Change your lifestyle to anything desirable that will focus your mind on other things. For example, if you don’t exercise, start. If you do, change modes. If you don’t cook, learn. If you don’t eat alone, learn to enjoy it. Increase your efforts to relate with and give to others. If you don’t go to church. Start. If you do, become more regular and purposeful. (Also read post #42.)
· Re-identify your hopes and dreams. Commit to the personal policies, practices, and standards that will fulfill them for you.
· Get a makeover. Not for the guys, but for yourself. Makeover your lifestyle. Move to greater femininity as defined by women (but not young men who now tie feminine and skank together).
· Get a hairstyle that requires heavy maintenance. Then spend more time grooming yourself in a mirror. Researchers claim no benefits come to hair stroked 100 times a day. However, self-image benefits come from preening yourself. They load you up with a self-image more appealing to you. Waste time on yourself, and it will help you overcome guilt.
Fifth, don’t look for outside help. Don’t complain, don’t explain. Just take all matters in your own hands and handle them with the talent and skills you have. Follow the old maxim: If it is to be, it is up to me.
Sixth, keep this in mind: Depression comes from losing one’s sense of control over events and their life. Get more active, and you’ll drive away any tendency toward depression.
NOTE: I tip my hat in honor of the pretty and self-sufficient coed that inspired this post.