Tag Archives: monogamy

2176. Dating in Mid-life — Part C9: Prepare Against Submission


Gotcha! Prepare against submission? Yes, and do it while dating. No legal, moral, marital, or biblical injunction makes you submit. In fact, both sexes have free will, both are made to be compatible as mates, and to submit means that one side loses. However, superior relationship wisdom enables women to generate win-win regularly if not every time. Your relationship expertise ranks with adaptability and survivability as cardinal traits that enable the irresistible force to move immovable objects.

Your man may not have been taught any better; he might try to enforce submission. You may have to teach him. Indirectly works smoothest and leadership by example works best. Your examples can be absorbed as logic, reason, and the compatible nature of mating. Men look for logic and reason and love the likeability afforded by compatibility.

Marital common sense to teach such things is embedded in the female nature. Not in you? Not to worry. I’m here to help. As you will soon see, submissiveness is the hub around which revolves most of the important family interactions.

When you marry and husband expects you to submit, you steal his thunder by revealing a submissive spirit that shows him how smartly he married. Submissive, it’s an adjective describing you as volunteering; you don’t do mandatory. Why volunteer? Are the following 16 reasons enough?

1) A family can’t stay together with two leaders, too bosses equally yoked to the same undivided responsibility. They eventually fight for dominance. 2) A man won’t conscientiously honor and fulfill his responsibility unless he appears to dominate control of it; it’s his nature and often more ego than logical. 3) You are more flexible, the relationship expert, and the only one capable of balancing and harmonizing all the challenges inherited with family life. Without you taking the home load off of husband, he’s not free enough to earn a good living. 4) Two bosses can be successful only when they agree to having separate responsibilities, and a separation of powers empowers and rewards them both. 5) Children can’t function much less develop successfully, if they have unequal standards and expectations to which they must respond. It causes confusion to reign, teaches rebellion, and kids learn to play one parent against the other. Everyone functions better with only one boss, and kids respond best to mom with backup from her husband. 6) You can’t manage the home without husband’s recognition and acceptance that it is your responsibility, which places you in the follower’s role wherein submissiveness pays off with greater success for both parties. 7) A successful organization needs both a chief executive officer and chief operating officer, CEO as ultimate authority and COO to administer CEO policies. 8) The ultimate authority is no better than the chief operator below who promotes the respect due him, protects his reputation, and preserves his dignity even when he doesn’t deserve it. 9) The next-to-ultimate authority does best when looked upon as supporter and facilitator of CEO’s expectations. 10) Men are satisfied and significant—happy in your words—when someone weaker proves to be stronger in surprising and dedicated ways. 11) Whereas husband can’t do it at least by his nature, you can bring the superiority of your gender into the home—especially adjust-ability and survivability—in ways that everyone benefits. 12) He’s not naturally willing; only you can find ways to balance his dominance against getting your way sufficiently to fulfill your hopes and dreams. 13) Converting from courtship to marriage, you’re capable and understand the wisdom of shifting from the competitive mode of protecting yourself to the cooperative mode of fulfilling your marriage. 14) He’s generally unwilling to do something about it, but you are well enabled to find ways to smooth the rough edges from his dominance. 15) With his constant focus on the present, and your focus more in the future, you’re better situated to adjust to his present-day needs than he to your future aspirations. 16) Submissiveness enables you to impose a rank structure that calms family leadership jitters. In rank order, this works well: husband, wife, mother, father, and children, which splits adult roles into four separate responsibilities for better, more efficient, and more easily acceptable decision making.

Accomplishing all those things fits naturally into your marital persona. He’ll see all the merit once he’s taught by you. Success starts with your submissiveness that so clearly matches up with your relationship expertise and the other blessings you inherit at birth. Then you can fit him into your nest. (You may find other benefits at Female Blessings at Birth at blog top.)

To prepare for dating, I suggest you study those 16 items above for the different roles that you and future husband will fill. Then, measure each man against your imagination of how you two will fill those roles. That is, imagine how his personality would fit yours in this situation, just for example. As his wife and ‘second in command’, you hold him up as more important than the kids. Yet, as their mother, you fight him in favor of the kids. Can and will he help fulfill your hopes and dreams and be Mr. Good Enough? Or…?

You might deny it, but I view it this way. Mystique mystifies you, vanity promotes you, modesty protects you, marriage insures you, and submissiveness elevates you to kingpin in the monogamy-sphere. Nothing else produces a more successful family. You see, when you know what you’re doing, you do everything right for everyone. It’s your superior conscience. That, darling, is what the submissive spirit enables you to do. To give it a fanciful name, I call it sterling wifeliness.

——

P.S. For background material, you may wish to review the 12-part submission series that runs with interruptions from 2043 to 2058. (Or, two dozen other articles with submissive/submission in title plus a chapter in my book.)

 

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2163. Dating in Mid-life — Part C1: Improve Vision of Self


You no doubt are a good person, woman, and potential date. Make yourself better before the mirror, however, and three dramatic changes follow. 1) You like yourself better, which enables you to internalize less and associate more easily and likeably. 2) Your attractive likeability enlarges in the eyes of men. 3) You increase your worth as a potential mate. Then the hard work begins; you have more men to screen for Mr. Good Enough.

Mid-life dating is not what you expect. Your normal expectations base it on age-adjusted wishes, hopes, and dreams held over from girlhood. Such as, you deserve this, you promise that, you can love again, you can make a man happy. But four possible weaknesses are embedded there.

  1. What you think you deserve is of little interest to a guy, until he confirms or figures it out that you are respected—as person, woman, and roles you can imaginatively fill in his life—and, therefore, may deserve his attention and loyalty.
  2. Your words of promise mean little or nothing. They might make him feel good for awhile, but your actions are what he perceives as promising to brighten his life. Actions work better than words to hold him. (But don’t go overboard to impress him or suck up. Be relatively cool and perhaps a little standoffish. Make him work to attract you to him. He and not you should show eagerness. You’re the buyer and have to make him the seller.)
  3. Your love does not hold a man. He may see promise in it, which might help you capture him. But your actions that flow out of your love and satisfy him are the ones that keep him interested in you more than just as a sex object. (For example, making yourself pleasant, comforting, and perhaps even entertaining just to be around. Divert his mind away from his single life.)
  4. Men are not interested in being happy as you think of it, e.g., upbeat and joyful. Their counterpart to your happiness is just plain old unemotional satisfaction with themselves. Men should see capturing you as a great accomplishment. They pursue self-admiration out of which grows an endless stream of satisfaction with who they are and what they do. So, exploiting their energy is supposed to earn admiration and satisfaction. Multiplying their satisfaction brings significance. Is that important? Well, their greatest fear is loss of significance, so not earning satisfaction associating with you must be disappointing.

Tune up your mind before you tune up your heart. He’s not into dating or a relationship because you need him, are lonely, can please him regularly, or even that you can or do love him. He dates and continues a relationship with you because he earns self-admiration, determines that your actions signify loyalty to who he is and what he does, and all that leads to his self-satisfaction.

Setting aside for the moment his desire to conquer you, in your presence he feels comfortable. He finds you likeable and fun to be around, respects you, admires himself for having you ‘belong’ to him. When not in your presence, he enjoys more whatever he’s doing, thinks of you and smiles, finds self-admiration more easily at his work because his spirit lifts with thoughts of you. Such small emotional uplifts satisfy him that he’s right for associating with you. It’s not your love that will capture and hold him, but your attention to the details that provide those small uplifts and prove your loyalty to him and his life. Men believe what they figure out by  themselves. (Your rewards come later and sometimes much later.)

Also, you should be aiming at all that on the first face-to-face encounter. If such recognitions are resident in your heart—that is, you know who you are, who he is likely to be, and what you will deliver to and accept from him—then you’re ready to be invited into the dating arena.

Three of your features prompt first date invitations. Your sexual attractiveness, your emotional attractiveness/likeable appearance, and your sense of importance to yourself out of which reflects an attitude that men find interesting. Younger men want to see an attitude of sexual promise. Middle age men are attracted by prospects of endearing associations that enable them to try again, reinvent their lives, or recover from past mistakes. Elders mostly long for a good woman aka comfortable companion or vice versa.

Out of all those are the unique men you should find most appealing for your relationship hopes. Looking for weaknesses to get you into bed, they are surprised to discover mystery, modesty, femininity, monogamous loyalty, female uniqueness, and other qualities they can admire aka virtues. Which makes you virtuous and men want to marry a virtuous woman. IOW, they find so many virtues that they can’t refuse you and you get to choose to buy the most qualified guy who matches your expectations. Admittedly, it may take a lot of dates for all that to unfold.

From the get go, be prepared and know how you will handle your infatuation that may appear even late in life. Not with teen intensity but enough that it clouds your reason and judgment. Remember, there is no Mr. Right until you have lived with him for many years and he morphs toward what you dreamed of. Today, you should look for Mr. Good Enough.

NOTE for you younger ladies. If you get accused of being a prude or old fashioned, study article 1708. You can use it to make men uncomfortable, which will change the behavior of those interested primarily in you.

Next is about planning. Tomorrow at #2164.

 

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2137. RANDOM THOUGHTS—Group 97


  • Modern women betray their best interests. They abandon their greatest strengths dealing with males: mystery, modesty, morality, manners, meekness, marriage, monogamy, mothering, and a self-imposed and unique majesty that commands respect from males. The fallout spreads across society and men assume greater dominion over women and their home together.
  • Feminism encourages men to spread their seed. Femininity rewards men for hoarding it.
  • Confused but ever alert for another conquest, men watch as females of all ages deal unsuccessfully with their mates. As relationships crumble, men exploit the females dumped into the pool of those so desperate to recover they are easy to conquer.
  • If a man is to compete energetically for one woman to keep for a lifetime, women must have something of greater value than just genitalia.
    Since all women have that in common, he’s lured by other rewards than just sex for husbanding and fathering.
  • Feminism expects men to suppress their masculine instincts and still please women. Femininity expects men to use their masculine instincts to prove themselves worthy of women, children, and family life.
  • Women seek to change their world but do not listen to men. They learn by listening only to women. Consequently, what women know about men is often wrong.
  • Men see things like this. Things don’t change satisfactorily unless men change them or have them changed.
  • Men don’t look for flaws in the woman they marry. Her qualities outweigh her shortcomings, so that’s good enough. Women are opposite. His flaws are both correctable and his being good enough depends on his qualities enabling her to work on his flaws. Consequently, men marry a good woman and expect her to remain good for him. Therefore, he’s blameless if she changes. Women marry a man with flaws correctable by her and expecting to make him better for her. She earns the blame if he turns out different than she expects. Out of that arises the foreigner in their relationship, undeserved blame for the other. Blame and compatibility are already mutually exclusive, and undeserved blame makes it toxic.

 

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1919. Compatibility Axioms #131-140


131. The rooster can’t crow boastfully, when he has to play second fiddle in the hen house. [75]

132. Men and women are so different hormonally and psychologically that couples succeed because of sex differences more than sameness. [75]

133. Guilt powerfully motivates women, but men not nearly as much. Laying guilt on a man produces unintended consequences, usually bad for a woman. [89]

134. Happiness flows from one’s gratitude. The unhappy wife has not used her mind to embed enough gratefulness into her heart. It’s not so much what she’s grateful for, it’s that she find or create gratitude in ever broadening ways for ever more important things. [89]

135. Any female eagerness to hook up, couple up, or shack up shifts game rules toward the masculine side of life and severely weakens the woman’s influence for shaping their future together. [89]

136. Enduring love that lasts for a woman’s life is primarily built around her gratefulness for whomever and whatever fulfills her need for a stable future. [89]

137. Female promiscuity now floods the social marketplace. Social damage flows from the de-civilizing effect it has on males, which breeds male aggression, family irresponsibility, and violence against women and children. [89]

138. Feminine charm that commands masculine respect flows out of natural femaleness such as feminine mystique, female modesty, unconditional faithfulness, need of religion, pleas for morality, and an uplifting spirit for both life and people. All of which are foreign to the male nature and self-interest except as they learn differently from females in their lives. [89]

139. Feminine mystique is whatever a woman does that stimulates curiosity and keeps a man guessing, defensive, and unsure of her values and intentions about his role in her life. [89]

140. Girls appearing and acting as sluts lather grief all across their father’s pride and sink his significance as a parent. A man’s greatest fear is insignificance. If daughter kills it, he may take it out on her mother or seek admiration elsewhere. [89]

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1826. Sex Difference Redux—Part 74: Women are Born, Men are Made


The child becomes the adult. Girls are born with natural tendencies that boys lack. Boys and even adult men require development by females if they are to measure up to womanly expectations. For example:

  1. Girls learn right, wrong, and obedience more easily and younger than boys learn it from mothers, fathers, teachers, and preachers.
  2. Girls slip easily into acting civilized, but boys must be calmed and taught.
  3. Girls ease smoothly into family life by anticipating what’s needed and what’s coming. Boys have to be taught to respect others’ interests by honoring their standards and expectations.
  4. Girls socialize more easily and depend on others for guidance and help. Boys care little for socializing except with buddies, until they finally bend under social norms and pressure from girls and adults.
  5. Girls unconditionally respect others regardless of sex. Boys respect males much more readily than females. They usually must be taught to respect authority-figure females such as mothers, grannies, and teachers.
  6. Girls can easily respect others before others earn it. Boys tend to challenge others first and then respect them after they earn it.
  7. Girls anticipate and become obedient quickly, especially when father cherishes their preciousness. Boys learn through experience and fathers are the most effective at defining lessons that should be learned.
  8. Girls accept and honor parental lessons much more easily and younger than boys. Weaknesses and inconsistencies of parental leadership confuse boys and manifest as masculine immaturity in the teens and adulthood.
  9. Girls inherit this dilemma. Boys are born with little or no understanding or acceptance of the promises held for men by domestic home life. Nor about how women view and expect domestic home life to proceed. Men are no more capable of idealizing home life up to womanly standards, or even adjusting to it, than what they witness growing up. Not that they are incapable but their sense of dominance must be harnessed just to consider wifely options, druthers, and expectations. (It makes virtual virginity so valuable when trying to capture and hold manly attention.)
  10. Girls have to earn the respect of boys. Prepubescent boys learn by being taught to respect sisters and authority figures. After puberty, teen girls earn masculine respect according to how well they protect sexual assets against the desire of boys. Rejection displeases boys and repeated refusals teach that limits exist in spite of boyish smooth talk and girlish dreams of eternal love. Continual frustration starts the process of boys learning of love for one woman. It’s the best way that girls tame boys to think in terms of monogamous love and family responsibility. (Having sex immediately gratifies two teens; deferring
    sex gratifies the sisterhood by teaching boys they can’t always have their way and must earn a woman’s heart.)

Wives inherit the final burden of getting husbands to see value in their home. Harmonizing family relationships and sustaining husband’s castle image does it best. Women are born with the ability but men are not.

The sexes differ greatly from birth. Females are in charge of building monogamous compatibility, because they gain the most from it. Mothers inculcate, teen girls tame, single women train, and wives domesticate males to live up to womanly expectations. Men who don’t receive such development end up doing something other than what women expect and appreciate.

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555. Choices Program the Heart — Part I: Intro


As a man, I operate under these basic assumptions: A female’s sensibilities show the boundaries of her heart. When offended or threatened that way, she has gone too far and should reverse course wherever she is and whatever others are doing. To do otherwise is to program her heart against her self-interest and usually for the worse. Her internal sensitivities guide her better than anything else for remaining a strong, independent, and well-balanced female.

I learned this by observing generational trends among females. Over the past five decades girls converted their gender toward evermore masculine beliefs. They aborted female mystery, modesty, marriage, monogamy, and manners. They demeaned ladies and scorned gentlemanly behavior.

Each generation outdid the previous; they blew away well-established and female-protective sensitivities to open earlier and more expressive exposure to males. They freely gave away their uniqueness, attractiveness, and superior value as mates. They gave away the very influences that attract men and hold one man to one woman.

Girls led the way when they quit listening to mom and authority figures in the Sixties and took up listening to males. Adolescent values last for life, unless tempered with wisdom during formation. Consequently, women find themselves well into physical maturity but strapped with adolescent values about sex, dealing with men, and keeping a husband.

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509. The ABCs Revisited


A matriarchy has never arisen in more than seven millennia, but feminists keep trying. There’s gold in patriarchy for women who commit to mining it.

Background. Our foremothers before the Sixties made patriarchal men recognize and implement greater friendliness with female values, which also enabled children to play outside without fear of predators. The sexual revolution brought something different: Masculine disrespect of females and god-awful endangerments to children.

Hope. God and Nature energize men and women to compete to shape home and society. Male friendly customs regarding sex produce unfriendly values and conditions for women and children. Female friendly values regarding life require female dominance of sexual matters.

Females make male dominance tolerable by neutralizing the male’s conquering spirit and discouraging or suppressing his unmarried sex drive. For example, men do whatever women require in order to have frequent and convenient access to sex. If women require marriage, men marry. If married women are faithful and unmarried women are chaste, men stay married, and monogamy popularizes itself. Such conditions make trophies pretty things instead of play things.

When females exploit their uniqueness, it enables wives to dominate home and culture* and husbands to dominate workplace, and society*—a reasonable and fair balance that quiets more than offends men. (Unmarrieds of both sexes are much less effective at promoting female friendly values; their interests for doing so are weak.)

Values made and shaped in the home spread, interact, and coalesce into culture. Husbands follow cultural values to govern the workplace and shape society. Wives staff the back offices that ever so subtly govern how husbands do business in the front office.

Females determine how males respond to female uniqueness. Mothers and grandmothers plant and nurture values within young boys, girls tame pubescent boys, and women domesticate grown boys aka boyfriends, lovers, live ins, husbands, exes, wannabes, and discards. If women do well, male dominance weakens and patriarchy fades. (If women don’t conspire, they should. It’s how radical feminists tore down the greatest social structure in the world.)  

The power base created by dominating home and culture enables wives to condition the male mind and shape male behavior to honor and promote family, female, and child interests. Men and especially husbands take opposite-sex interests to work, shape society accordingly, and figure out how they can still exercise their dominance in a less patriarchal society. Our expert foremothers made our pragmatic forefathers look good yielding much of their dominant spirit.

Women come first in the ABCs, next.  

* Society is what people do. Culture is why they do it.

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