I spent 17 years of study and 10 years of writing one book and this blog. I now present what makes a marriage stay together. Lots of reasons why couples fall apart and lots of reasons why they stay together. Nothing works or doesn’t work for everybody. But now, I’ve boiled it down to a few ingredients that generate a magic-like confection that self-glues a couple. With it, any couple is more highly favored to stay together, and any woman who learns how to promote it within her relationship lengthens the prospects of their staying together.
I name the glue ‘mutual devotion’ and it works like this. He is so likeable to her that she regularly pleases herself by pleasing him. She is so likeable to him that he regularly pleases himself by pleasing her. He feels good about himself for pleasing her, even when she doesn’t really appreciate his ideas of what pleases her. It’s pleasing himself more than pleasing her, and her pleasing herself more than pleasing him, that adds glue to their mutual likeability of each other.
Both sexes live uplifted lives when they feel good for pleasing someone else whom they like immensely. It’s tough to dislike someone when one feels good about pleasing them. Consequently, desire to please arises out of original likeability for the other, and feeling good about oneself reinforces that same likeability. It’s a closed and reinforcing circuit that women can call love and men can enjoy without naming it.
The concept is born in the female heart, so women only have to learn how to exploit it to their advantage. Foreign to the male nature and much as one would expect, men have to be taught. They are best taught in boyhood to learn the meaningfulness of pleasing females, so that women in their lives will hold males in higher regard and respect. Mom and sisters can do it easily. They only have to follow their hearts and assume the leadership role to please the males in their home, which incidentally teaches them to more highly regard and respect males in their lives. Boys learn by example to reciprocate: please a female and get a friendly response.
Then in dating and courtship, girls teach boys to please females and only one lesson works. Girls specifically use their sexual assets to teach boys and men how to properly romance and please a woman without benefit of sex.
Boys learn only one thing from sex with girls; they want more and from different gals. It’s their inborn nature, buried deep and permanent in their psyche, to spread their seed. It dominates their sexual urge until girls and young women tame each male into playing the love game along the monogamous lines that females expect—which cannot be done with female legs spread at any age or outside of marriage. Yielding too soon, she loses his respect, which makes her less likeable.
I’m neither ignorant nor against the role that sex plays outside of marriage. I describe how the male and female minds and hearts work according to how God designed them, Nature endows them, and hormones energize them to be successful as couples for life. Every shortcut endangers success, and mutual devotion is the best solution I’ve found for women to achieve success as couples.
Mutual devotion keeps a man’s interest away from sex as primary target. If she provides frequent, willing, and eagerly expects sex with never a complaint, her likeability soars, and sex takes a hind seat. If she can’t do that, her likeability declines and their mutual devotion follows.
Women have two weaknesses that work against mutual devotion. Many resent providing sex to husband in the way and eagerness he expects; it undermines her likeability. Many other women resent loving their man and not getting something comparable in return; it undermines his likeability.
Those weaknesses may or may not interfere with mutual devotion, but it’s likely over time their effect will be negative on any relationship. So, the sooner and more dedicated a woman gets to making mutual devotion work for her, the more likely longevity will match the result she most likely seeks.
It’s not been seen before. A few ingredients that can generate a magic-like confection that self-glues a couple together: mutual likeability and mutually pleasing self by pleasing each other. With it, any couple is more highly favored to stay together, and any woman who learns how to promote it within her relationship improves the prospects of success as a couple.