Tag Archives: nag

2152. Push Husband Out, It’s Easy


Her Highness Mia inquired about clarity on minor subjects, but it prompted me to rant. Nothing she did or said. Just me reminding myself. So, she and you can take yourself personally out of what follows. No accusations aimed your way. However, some of it applies to women everywhere just to the extent they find something of interest to do or undo.

Pointed at all women, the writing just comes better in second person, you, and hopefully reads more interestingly that way.

It doesn’t matter if cheating husband’s other woman is perfect partner or not. If he sought her out, it means you’re not the perfect partner he thought he married. You were the love of his life. So what fractured, shattered, or crumbled his love into nothing with any loyalty left for you? It’s not even a shadow of what left the altar.

I’ve preached it for several years. Positive and affirming emotions such as love and respect do not hold marriages together. Not as much as negative emotions rip marriages apart. Such as a continual bombardment of irritants, criticism implied or stated, and mini-failures to close the gaps of emotional differences. In short, the lack of relationship expertise that recognizes little nods of negative connection and finds ways to abolish them.

Counselors and advisors advise continually on what to do to please your partner. It may help a little but it’s not the answer for marital success. Your time is better spent avoiding what ticks off your partner or spouse. Stop kicking him and kick yourself.

When a husband takes up with another woman, he’s at fault. No way to justify it. However, we can examine his motivational background.

His love depends on his respect for you, so how did you undermine it? Nag? Criticize? Withhold sex? Enable him to feel inadequate in bed? Blame him? Point out his shortcomings? ID his faults? Treat him as uninteresting? Talk endlessly about things of no interest to him? Feed him what you like instead of what he likes? Get up grouchy in the morning? Nag? Do little to please him but expect him to please you continuously? Act grouchy after work? Have too many headaches at night? Refuse to entertain his friends? Resent his hobbies or habits that take him away from you? Dislike yourself and too lazy to do something about it? Forget who you were that attracted him to you? Plan to return to your natural personality once you hooked him? Always act sick with little reason? Manipulate him? Never smile at him? Fail to confirm his importance in your life? Never try to please him for the pleasure it gives you? Keep alive your own negative attitude? Fail to show gratitude for what he does? Fail to show your dependence on who he is? Complain to girlfriends about him? Expose his foibles to others? Show disdain for him in public? Embarrass him? Whine endlessly about all your problems? Fail to teach the kids that dad ranks higher in the pecking order than they do? Fail to grant him the status of family leader? Nag? Spend too much money with the false expectation you will like yourself better? Expect him to make you feel better about yourself? Disturb him unnecessarily at his job? Express complaints about him in front of the kids? Overeat as if you deserve it to feel better about yourself? Fail to acknowledge your secondary role in family matters (as he sees it, darling, not as you suppose it should be)? Fail to step up to your responsibilities for harmony in the home? Fail to use your relationship expertise to generate harmony between the two of you?

Change your habits/personality/behavior from the woman he married? Refer to him minor problems with kids that you could solve if you weren’t fearful the kids would dislike you? Find less interest in him than other people and things outside the home? Fail to read and understand just what goes through his mind during both good and bad relationship incidents? Fail to help him recover from his mistakes and self-caused accidents? Disagree with each other in front of the children? Fail to reward him for special tasks that please you? Overdo pillow talk with irrelevant or unimportant issues? Resent his frustrated sense of independence? Find ways to shame him? Use too many words, rather than silence-that-informs, to plead your case that he upset you? Nag? Resent his rest and recreation with TV and beer immediately after work? Fail to show faith in his judgment when he’s intent on doing things his way (e.g., not asking for directions). Elevate your job as more important than his? Fail to trust him. Resent his earning satisfaction daily at his job while happiness comes to you after years of striving? Disrespect men generally and it leaks over onto him?

You see, I enumerated many ways that you could and perhaps still do that disappoint him. If he provides any feedback, you ignore it. In any event, before he met you at the altar he expected none of the above or he would have left you standing by yourself. Now he takes it out on you. He resents, resists, and eventually retaliates on some simple thread the camel’s back could not carry.

Men are not inclined to stay married to women who are not the same one they married. Some men do it by sneaking off to cheat first. Others let their woman’s surprises turn them into abusers. Still others just walk out. Finally, a few hang around having had their masculine courage smashed into apathy; they prefer the certainty of misery to the uncertainty of change, which then reverses the game by costing them your respect.

Men follow inspiring female leadership in relationships. When will relationship experts learn to lead men respectfully in ways that men accept with dignity and gratefulness? Learn to make themselves more important by making themselves less obvious, less intent on being completely understood, less convinced that only they know what’s proper, and less convinced that micro-management will improve their marriage?

The pinkie finger article is aimed at highlighting your upsets and leaving unstated what you expect out of him. It dumps your displeasure in his lap to do with as he pleases, which gently and without accusing flips his ‘Uh Oh’ switch to read: ‘I probably should not do it that way again’. Self-correction is a much more agreeable meal for him to digest, which makes you as the relationship pinkie-waving ‘cook’ look much more dependable, friendlier, and likeable. He can easily learn that he wants to remain closer to you rather than another.

NOTE: More reasons to justify use of the pinkie will be disclosed in a day or two. If you have reasons, feed them to me and thanks for doing so.

 

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Filed under Fickle female, How she loses

107. Chaste courtship works—Part 2


NOTE: Thanks to Suzanne for triggering this post. She put a big smile on my face, and I love it when pretty women do that. AGM

Of course, it’s not fair. Women that insist on fairness and equality dealing with a man will spend a lot of time trying to recycle as an ex.

Previous posts at this blog are full of the dynamics about the whats, whys, hows, and consequences of dealing with the opposite sex. Vital issues that undergird success can be summarized.

  • She must respect him above all else for who and what he is and does. Nagging, fault-finding, and indifference do the opposite.
  • She must be grateful for who and what he is and does. Affection and love do not register as gratitude.
  • His ego and sense of significance are the same. Demeaning his ego weakens his significance, which is his greatest fear, especially insignificance in his woman’s eyes.
  • A man expects to succeed at husbanding and fathering. Her rewards convince him of his success. The lack of rewards convinces him to move on. 
  • And rewards for her are?????? Few for the short-term. For the long-term, her indispensability for home and family. In the interim, whatever she negotiated or learned to negotiate during courtship. For example, his displays and words of affection, techniques for romance, living up to her expectations.

It takes a lengthy courtship for her to find out if she can make these things happen with the man she’s considering. And to uncover whether it’s worth her effort.

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93. Sex and the fickle girl—Part II


When a woman initiates sex, the man’s sense of importance turns to temporary luck. Men value women more highly when she makes him feel significant. Luck pushes him to try again—elsewhere.

Wives thrive on their man’s devotion, but then they take advantage of it. They belittle and nag him to get better, sacrifice more for her, pay more attention to her, or provide more affection. Instead, her pressures cause his devotion to weaken, his interest to spread outside the home, and his commitment to ultimately fade perhaps altogether.

Women capture a man most successfully when they make him capture her. Easily captured game is easily caught and released. Difficult-to-capture game becomes manly trophies. Men have a hunting nature.

Women ignore old school female virtue in favor of new school ‘anything goes’. The Marrying Man loses interest in marrying and focuses on women for sex.

A.D.D. revisited — Women as the relationship experts are well equipped to accept, adjust, or compensate for a man’s Affection Delivery Disorder. Instead, however, most women focus on themselves. Those surveyed complain most about their man’s lack of showing affection—thus admitting their primary shortcoming to be female Affection Deficit Disorder and their inability to handle it. [See post #3 for more on A.D.D.]

♣ Modern women refuse to pay a man’s price for husbanding and fathering. So, husbands evade personal, family, and relationship responsibilities in favor of guy things and adventures unfriendly to or exclusive of their wife.

♣ The excitement of a new boyfriend distorts a female’s thinking. She’s so excited that she looks at today and forgets all the tomorrows. The female nature best deals with the future, the male nature best deals with the present.  

♣ One poor strategy causes women to lose the war of the sexes. She thinks sex will capture a man, her romancing will confirm him as the right man, and her love will hold him.

[More fickleness at post #34.] 

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79. Hook up but no call—Part 2


Women hook up only to ask the question: Why does he not call? Possible reasons apply both after weeks of dating and one-night stands.

Ω She acted desperate and easily readable.

Ω He thinks more of her as candidate for his parade of conquered females than as a prize worthy of a return bout.

Ω He was just looking for a one-night stand.

Ω He’s committed to someone else.

Ω She’s sexy but unlikeable by him.

Ω She’s likeable but unattractive to him.

Ω She expects hook up to bond him with her.

Ω She yielded too soon. He learned nothing about whatever else she may have to offer.

Ω He’s an a–hole, which she should have taken time to detect.

Ω She showed signs of a nag, haranguer, meddlesome female.

Finally, obligation to return following hook up is a function of commitments made before hook up. This takes time to win him over for more than sex. Time’s also needed to build trust that he’s won over.

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76. Her mushy thinking—Part 3


She provides easy sex before marriage. She gives away what she doesn’t have to. After marriage she withholds sex. For example, retaliating for her hurts, she displeases him deliberately. Whatever the reason, withholding herself weakens his sense of significance with her.

She elevates children to adult status, which demotes husband to subordinate status and moves him toward insignificance—his greatest fear.

She assertively rejects this advice gem of politics and negotiation: ‘Don’t complain, don’t explain’. Instead, she unloads with everything bothering her as it bothers her. Little discretion comes across as nagging.

She gives birth at all ages without father’s presence or commitment to help. She sacrifices her child’s father-balanced future on the altar of her female ego.

She tries to take more than she gives when negotiating some issue of greater importance to husband than to her. He may deserve such treatment, and she may win the battle. But their future together dims.

She makes maintaining her imperial nest more important than retaining her man.

She reverses this model and wonders why she loses: In dating and courtship women are buyers and men sellers. Men prove their worth in order to earn her. In marriage, women are sellers and men buyers. She proves her worth in order to keep him.

She admires celebrities or others more than her husband. Admittedly, for other reasons than how she judges him, but he still comes up short. It contaminates her wifely mind for permanency.

She vocalizes jealousy of her man’s job, hobby, or recreation. She thus primes his abandonment pump. He may be totally in the wrong. But her drumbeat hardens more than weakens his determination. As the relationship expert, she has other options, but her mushy thinking thwarts her.

She expects that he will respond to stimulants just as she does. For example, guilt motivates her to do something to relieve it. Men largely ignore guilt trips placed on them and easily handle guilt they lay on themselves.

She would rather be friends with her kids than essential to her man.

She favors her kids over his. If she can’t treat all kids alike, her blending of families will not be very successful. If she can’t trust her kids to the care and admonition of her husband, she married the wrong man.  

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66. Hard-hearted Hannah


A woman easily kills her relationship when she exhibits female weaknesses that harden her heart for cooperation and soften her head into competing with her man. Weaknesses follow:

♥ Facetiousness prompted by fear of being wrong.

♥ Hatefulness prompted by dislike of herself.

♥ Selfishness never untaught to her in childhood.

♥ Busyness pursuing her personal rather than their agenda.

♥ Fussiness inspired by desire for perfection.

♥ Bitchiness that flows from envy, jealousy, and similar emotions related to others.

♥ Fearsome brought on by mistakes that she thinks might be repeated endlessly. 

Quarrelsomeness that emerges from her desire to drive their bus.

♥ Untidiness, the nesting merits of which she was never taught in childhood.

♥  Loneliness imagined when he’s not alongside her.

♥ Lonesomeness caused by husband’s absence at work.

♥ Moodiness that flows from inability to control events to her satisfaction.

♥ Carelessness prompted by weak sense of responsibility.

♥ Sloppiness that reflects badly on husband to his friends and competitors.

♥ Phoniness energized by fear of her true character being found out.

♥ Political correctness brought on by sense of being victimized.

♥ Unfaithfulness that boils in oil her man’s sense of significance.

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Filed under Home CEO, Uncategorized

47. Dark Side of Feminism—Part 02


Women might improve their lives living with a man if they face three truths about bringing the feminist spirit, theory, and dogma into the home.

Truth #1—Feminism pushes women to compete with their man in domains he considers his own. Competitive frustration follows when her man does not measure up to feminist-defined expectations about male behavior. This leads to finger-pointing and fault-finding, which escalates over time. Mutual trust and gratitude decline. She’s prompted into nagging, which is just a higher gear for speeding a man out of her life. Even the bible scorns the ‘quarrelsome wife’ in Proverbs 21:9, 21:19, 25:24, 27:15-16.

Truth #2—Feminism in the home prompts women to adopt the unique male strength of directness and abandon the unique female strength of indirectness. Thus, women weaken their natural influence. Even worse, men don’t appreciate women that ‘get in his face’, and this narrows the gap between offense and non-offense. 

Truth #3—Feminist thinking in the home inspires women to favor ingratitude for their man’s imperfections rather than gratefulness for his manliness and strengths. Eventually, a man tires, his respect wanes, alienation sets in, and disruption or departure follows.

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