Tag Archives: nest

264. From feminine mystique to feminist mistakes—Part 5


Allow me to personalize the male and female natures as Manhood and Womanhood. I wish to describe traditional America before the 1960s.

Womanhood capitalized on male dominance instead of tearing it down. She supported Manhood’s dominance of society (what people do), while she took over dominance of the culture (why people do it).

Womanhood’s goal: One reliable man to help fulfill her dreams for nesting, nurturing, and nestling with loved ones. She sought stable marriage and family. She convinced Manhood to provide the wherewithal and do the hard labor. In return, she rewarded his husbanding and fathering.

She gained status and added personal stature by making herself very different and highly unique. She capitalized on gender differences and exploited the female nature. Her character was shaped around feminine mystique, female modesty, moral standards, marriage, monogamy, manners, virginity, virtual virginity, soft-heartedness inside and hard-headedness outside of marriage,  and whatever else would distinguish her from Manhood.

She taught daughters to mature first, love next, leave sex to marriage, and uplift manliness and masculinity as the way to fulfill female hopes and dreams.

In the process she earned Manhood’s unconditional respect for the female sex. The benefits grew through the decades. Womanhood changed cultural values and the social and domestic environments in such ways that the genders respected the opposite sex more than their own (e.g., my generation).

Womanhood developed American life into a family game. She emphasized separate but equal genders with cooperative rather than competing roles. In her eyes, good character and virtuous actions overwhelmed looks, interests, and words.

For over a century, Manhood was preoccupied on the job with technological and economic advancements. He dominated workplace and society. Gradually adopting wifely-inspired and family-friendly values, however, Manhood gradually yielded dominance of home and culture.

Family dominance was a toss up, but mostly it had the appearance of husband as head, wife as neck, and children as no more than adult-hopefuls. Womanhood accepted and parlayed this truism: Perceptions are reality, and whatever appears to be, is.

Manhood bought into the lifelong married life sought by Womanhood. Family responsibility guided husbands in the workplace and society. With laws, wealth, and leadership, husbands shaped America to his wife’s vision of family-centeredness.

Mutual respect grew as husbands implemented feminine values in society. Husbands in the workplace made America more family friendly. The beginning of the end, however, arose in the 1960s.

[More on old school America appears in posts 263, 238, 218, and 204 below. Scroll down or search by the number with dot and space following it.]

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110. Matrimony or acrimony?


How women integrate and harmonize these factors into their marriage can determine the outcome.

§  Women are driven to nest, nurture, and nestle with loved ones. This empowers them to become relationship experts, which positions them to know how to successfully swap interests with a man for marriage. Men have neither such expertise nor interest.

§  Men are driven to compete with Nature, against other men, and to control and shape human events. Their sex drive is but a subset, because women can easily tame male aggression and sex drive through social and personal values, standards, and expectations. (Men prefer fingernails on a slate chalk board to competing with women, especially their wife. Not in simple games, but in the major processes of life, in key decision-making and bringing home the bacon. Modern women do not like it, but they also do not like the marital collapse that follows when they don’t heed their man’s natural inclination.)

§  A woman instinctively needs a brighter future for her and her children. She seeks security of life, dependable relationships, and family cohesiveness. She seeks family, economic, and social stability. She seeks safety of health, life, and family. To fulfill these needs, she must give of herself to a help-mate, or do it alone and lonesome.

§  Men absolutely need only one thing, a place to flop, eat, throw his things, and prepare for tomorrow’s ‘battles’. If she does not want to maintain at least a hut for him, someone else will.

§  Women do not absolutely need a man, but they want company. Her primal want is for a solid relationship with someone stronger and more influential in shaping events that impact her and her children. She wants help to brighten her future in a society dominated by powerful people. Two men won’t knowingly share her, so one man best fulfills her wants.

§  He wants the freedom to do as he chooses, especially to make himself stand out as a competitor, his own man, a man of significance.  He seeks the freedom to lay with her or play with her, to hunt or punt, rest or nest, read or lead, think or drink, farm or harm, glean or lean, produce or reproduce, or just do something new or exciting even in his spare time.  She must pay a continuing price for him to curtail his freedom in favor of her.

§  A woman’s time focus emerges from her primal need to brighten her future. Most of her present-day concerns were handled as part of yesterday’s future. She dreams a lot about enhancing and making her relationship more solid.

§  A man’s time focus emerges from his primal readiness to compete, which mandates that he focus on today and its problems. He knows full well he can solve tomorrow’s problems, when they arrive. Where women dream about the future, his primary concern for the future revolves around what he can do today to prepare for tomorrow. 

 

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108. Chaste courtship works—Part 3


NOTE: Thanks to Suzanne for triggering this post. She put a big smile on my face, and I love it when pretty women do that. Guy

Relationships start with attraction, infatuation, and lust; fold into passion and love; and level off as enduring mutual love. Or, so women hope.

The rules for success are many, but wrongs trump rules, Nature trumps Love, and men trump women that don’t know how to make men successful at husbanding and fathering.

For successful living with a man, women as the relationship expert need to overcome the innumerable devils in the details. For example:

  • Men don’t take orders from women. It weakens his sense of significance. Women are much more effective conveying their expectations some other way, more indirectly.
  • Women must qualify their man for marriage; condition him to accept her values, standards, and expectations; and expect never to change him after their first sex together.
  • Man of the House, Head of the House, Home CEO, or whatever you call it, women indirectly govern the home unless she sided with the wrong man. It takes a long courtship to decide correctly.
  • It’s her nest to build into a castle. But then, he expects comfort and convenience over her perfectionism, functionality over her style and fashion, and at least the appearance if not the actuality of him as boss. 
  • Men respond to women eventually, but not immediately, directly, or openly. They need time and latitude to make his meeting her expectations look like something else—even his idea. Men can afford to be impatient, but their woman cannot. Patience is an immensely great female virtue for marriage.
  • Men treat women as females teach them, mostly earlier in life. Mothers sometimes fail, girls stupidly don’t condition boys to respect females, and single women provide sex before they earn a man’s respect by not providing it. Hence, some men mistreat women.

People don’t mistreat those they respect. That’s why a long courtship helps qualify a man as having had a good upbringing and as having developed potential for treating her well.

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97. Do women know jack about Jack?—Part 3


Men adapt, obligate, and learn to devote themselves to a woman that refuses to yield sexually. Her hard-headed and unyielding behavior keeps his attention focused on her. If he refuses to grow that way to meet her expectations for her man, then he’s not really into her as potential mate.

  Just as sex does, fashionable attire, charming words, and fun activity help capture a man. But her other-than-sexual attributes hold him beyond the fading of romantic love.

A major facet of a man’s sense of significance rests upon his woman’s faithfulness—and especially his not having to face men who have had her or even know of someone who has.

A man discovers a woman’s non-sexual attributes while searching for weaknesses in order to conquer her. After conquest his search intensity fades away, and her remaining qualities become less dramatically uncovered.

A man does not need refreshment and comfort with a friendly, attractive, and encouraging mate, but he never stops looking if he lacks it.

A man’s conquering nature is not quieted down by either her giving love or providing sex—only by one woman’s non-sexual attributes that magnetize his devotion to her and their family.

♂ A man’s devotion to wife and marriage are not the same. The former is based on his heart, his feelings for her. The latter is based on his mind, values, principles, vows, and his word—to the extent that he honors such things.

A man’s ego reflects his sense of significance and vice versa.

A man’s fruitless pursuit of sex with a woman enables his commitment to evolve into devotion for her. In the process of trying harder, he learns to respect her more and see her as different from the others.

♂ A man’s loyalty to wife and family is cultivated best by a woman mentally and emotionally committed to nesting, nurturing, and nestling in the home.

[More jack about Jack appears at posts 91 and 7.]

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76. Her mushy thinking—Part 3


She provides easy sex before marriage. She gives away what she doesn’t have to. After marriage she withholds sex. For example, retaliating for her hurts, she displeases him deliberately. Whatever the reason, withholding herself weakens his sense of significance with her.

She elevates children to adult status, which demotes husband to subordinate status and moves him toward insignificance—his greatest fear.

She assertively rejects this advice gem of politics and negotiation: ‘Don’t complain, don’t explain’. Instead, she unloads with everything bothering her as it bothers her. Little discretion comes across as nagging.

She gives birth at all ages without father’s presence or commitment to help. She sacrifices her child’s father-balanced future on the altar of her female ego.

She tries to take more than she gives when negotiating some issue of greater importance to husband than to her. He may deserve such treatment, and she may win the battle. But their future together dims.

She makes maintaining her imperial nest more important than retaining her man.

She reverses this model and wonders why she loses: In dating and courtship women are buyers and men sellers. Men prove their worth in order to earn her. In marriage, women are sellers and men buyers. She proves her worth in order to keep him.

She admires celebrities or others more than her husband. Admittedly, for other reasons than how she judges him, but he still comes up short. It contaminates her wifely mind for permanency.

She vocalizes jealousy of her man’s job, hobby, or recreation. She thus primes his abandonment pump. He may be totally in the wrong. But her drumbeat hardens more than weakens his determination. As the relationship expert, she has other options, but her mushy thinking thwarts her.

She expects that he will respond to stimulants just as she does. For example, guilt motivates her to do something to relieve it. Men largely ignore guilt trips placed on them and easily handle guilt they lay on themselves.

She would rather be friends with her kids than essential to her man.

She favors her kids over his. If she can’t treat all kids alike, her blending of families will not be very successful. If she can’t trust her kids to the care and admonition of her husband, she married the wrong man.  

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54. Her Majesty, hard-hearted—Section 2


Note: Men are born hard-headed and hard-hearted. Women are born hard-headed but soft-hearted. Oftentimes women harden their heart. Poor results dealing with men usually follow:

♥ She marries expecting him to change. He marries expecting her not to change. He does not, but she does. Both get what they don’t want.

♥ She treats her man as a domestic regarding household tasks—all orders and few decisions left to him. This adds to a sense of insignificance for him, his greatest fear.

♥ She exhibits poor leadership by telling her man HOW to do things instead of WHAT to do. She wants her nest made more perfect in her eyes, so she uses her standards to deny his imaginative inputs or direct interest.

♥ She takes charge after marriage and keeps squeezing him to fit better into her ideals of their home and life within it. He resists, resents, and retaliates the more she keeps insisting.

♥ She considers his machismo and the male ego to be ‘crimes against females.’ This signals her preference for a wuss and so she treats her husband accordingly.

♥ She turns phony and hides her true character in order to get a man to marry her. Afterward, she reverts to her true self and to him becomes a different woman—one he did not intend to marry.

♥ She rejects him as family hero and elevates the kids over him.

♥ She expects him to husband her with no tradeoff for his having given up his freedom.

♥ She treats his opinions as less important and judgments as less valuable than that of someone outside their home.

♥ She gives birth to a less-than-normal child, or has one die, and goes to extremes to provide care or assuage her grief or guilt. In the process she devotes herself to the child or memories at the expense of her husband, thus making him insignificant relative to her grief and perhaps guilt. She cannot forgive him or her. That is an extra-hardened heart.

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45. No Sex without Marriage


America’s traditional female strategy of No Sex without Marriage has been laughed, politicized, and propagandized out of existence, much to the benefit and delight of all males after puberty. Adopting masculine-style sexual freedom that stretches into porn and raunch, women claim rights that are more political than natural or sensible.

Having the right to do it doesn’t mean it’s right to do it. What’s right politically weakens civil and threatens domestic life. Too much casual and easy sex outside the home poisons relationships, damages home life, shatters families, and infects children with poor examples that worsen the next generation.   

Women engaged in promoting their newfound sexual freedom ignore or cannot recognize the poisonous effects on men. Unfortunately, the majority of women soft-headedly follow suit.

Women talk only to women about their sexual freedom. Men are left out, except the feminized ones that join in as political correctioneers. Women and now girls compensate males with open legs, and so men and boys eagerly go along for the ride. So many trophies, so little time.

Men pride themselves in not changing to please others, and they especially reject changing to meet a woman’s expectations. One window remains open, however. A man will respond favorably to a woman’s expectations and pressures for him to change prior to his conquest of her—but his willingness stops afterward.

Our foremothers used No Sex without Marriage to change our forefathers’ values, thinking, and habits to be both acceptable to marry and more valuable as husband and father. They shaped their marital future by conveying in a sex-free courtship just what they expected as wife and mother. They didn’t push our forefathers to change, they drew their man toward change with charm and indirectness. Our forefathers adopted the female-friendly values and standards expected of them.

After marriage she did not have to change him. But that’s all changed now.

Modern women abandoned No Sex without Marriage. Consequently, their window to change a man to meet female expectations and standards closes after a date or few. That’s not enough time.

As a result, modern wives try to change husband to meet female expectations. The more a man resists, the more his woman pushes. The greater his resistance, the greater her frustration. Her mothering and nurturing nature arise, and before long she treats him as a child or as insignificant.

The process injects interpersonal toxins that make women outside the home more alluring to him and tend to make her disposable in a few years if not sooner.

Our foremothers worked to perfect a workable strategy for keeping a man. Modern women adopt a right that drives men toward other women.

Women fear abandonment and seek affection. With uncrossed legs before marriage they strengthen the chance of the former and weaken chances for the latter.

 

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