Tag Archives: phony

2166. Dating in Mid-life — Part C4: Fail to Plan and You Plan to Fail


Dating success follows certain principles that govern the interaction for a developing relationship. Many functions are key.

You’re the tick, he’s the tock. You specialize in showing interest in him and then listening. You respect and enable him to communicate directly and you respond as indirectly as polite. He’s selling himself, so let him. If necessary, you show interest in him and he responds. You enable him to lead and make your spirit of cooperation to shine in his favor.

Howsomeever, as I used to hear country folk declare an upcoming contrary thought, you compete directly and even get in his face if necessary to 1) defend your sexual standards and expectations against his insistence and persistence, or 2) terminate what’s happening and put an end to the date or relationship.

Forget these two things that mean so much to you.

  1. You can’t make him like you, especially if you try. Trying alone makes you do the wrong things. Example: Relying on three little words may help but it’s really insignificant; men judge on actions primarily and seldom on words. Be yourself. Make him win your affection, make himself worthy of you; he doesn’t appreciate unearned gifts.
  2. Don’t try to impress him and don’t even disclose whatever affection you may have for him, except to say you like him—somewhat, starting to, perhaps even teasingly, but never a helluva lot. Mystery, remember? To like him some and respect him a lot are enough for him. He believes it better anyway if he figures for himself that your actions signify your affection to be real.

Instead of affection, express your admiration. That’s what he’s after. The masculine counterpoint to the female’s determined affection for sharing affection is earning self-admiration and yours is appreciated. Admiration simply registers with men more deeply than affection.

He either likes you as you are—virtues and shortcomings—and wants to keep you by his side. Or he doesn’t. When you’re being your true self, you can’t do much more to keep him alongside. If he quits selling himself to you, it’s all over. If you try to sell yourself to him, you act like a pushover, and his objective shifts to sex, which makes you booty or disposable after conquest.

Don’t be phony. A marriage likely won’t succeed very long if the wife shows up as different from the bride he married. So, phoniness is destructive long-range although you may gain some benefits in the near term.

Be quick to defend yourself instinctively and intuitively against any offense to your sense of good order and self-discipline, his displeasing you, embarrassing you, and especially his disrespecting you. Those things you don’t want to live with need to be disclosed when they first appear. The more you stand up for yourself pleasantly but uncompromisingly, the more respect you will earn and a man’s love is based on respect for women generally and you specifically.

Two things hold a man’s attention long enough to impress him with your respectability: refusing sex and standing up strongly for your dignity, values, and standards as both person and woman. Your objections not only earn his respect but make him uncomfortable, and discomfort changes a man’s behavior to favor you.

Out of all the above, you focus, perhaps re-learn some things and unlearn others, and use your superior relationship expertise to guide and shape dates into progressive steps of relationship development. It’s easy for me to spout it on screen, but you get both the fun and anxiety.

 

10 Comments

Filed under courtship, How she wins, sex differences

2129. Avoid Being Dumped


At post 1343 Her Highness Mia inquired “How can we avoid falling into the same trap over and over again … of getting dumped….” Gaining a man’s devotion and learning to keep it is the only insurance against being dropped kicked into misery.

Caution: A strategic plan follows. I have idealized how to earn a man’s devotion. Life isn’t that simple, however. Also, no plan works as written. You have to figure out what and how the principles of the plan can work in your life with your prospects. Relevant blog articles are cited and underscored.

A man interested in you will see you in two lights, sexual and emotional attractiveness. He will tend to stay focused on the sexual. Your job is to develop and keep emotional connections alive and well while he learns to see greater merit in you than just conquest.

  • Be yourself. Be honest and truthful with yourself. Avoid all phoniness regardless of what you think is happening. Be up front, blunt, and candid with him. He will appreciate it. (But not totally candid and exceptions of what NOT to disclose are described below. Definitions used here: Honesty means accuracy. Candid means full disclosure.) [HardToGet tops Full Disclosure!]
  • You’re the buyer, he’s the seller. Buyers don’t have to buy right away. He acts, you respond. You don’t initiate, he does. He works to please you. You respond to please him, but you don’t go out of your way. Reward him, however, for going out of his way for you.
  • If you can’t admire him for who he is and what he does, then you won’t be able to respect and be grateful for him. In that case, he won’t qualify as Mr. Good Enough unless you lower your values, standards, and expectations, which I urge you not to do. Better to drop him early rather than later. [Five articles listed in CONTENTS with Good Enough in the title.]
  • Always dress modestly and your gorgeous best when he’s anywhere near. [Boob Language in 25 parts] Smile a lot and especially at and with him. Show a lot of humor but not faked. Forget any purposeful sexual attractiveness. You can’t be extraordinary, if you dress, act, and look ordinary—and sexual attractiveness is now ordinary.
  • He never sees you excited with or about him. Stay calm; he’s just another guy but one of sufficient interest to perhaps be worthy of you. Emotions you reveal can be used against you and probably will be—not dishonestly either—to facilitate conquest. Full disclosure is out and sexual history—including virgin status yes or no—is your business and none of his. [Virgin? Keep It Secret! in 2 parts; Her Sexual History in 10 parts.]
  • Have moral, religious, and personal reasons for not having sex. Don’t explain yourself, however. You are just that way. You are living up to someone or biblical values or principles higher than you. Don’t use phrasing such as you’re saving yourself for husband, etc. You’re celibate simply because your conscience says to stay that way. The more you explain, the more ammo you give him to persuade you otherwise. [Virtual Virginity in 24 parts]
  • Forget trying to convince him of your love, or love conquers all, or whatever else your female mind can conceive as beneficial of love. It may not be meaningless to him, but it won’t carry the day, won’t convince him of much. Love just isn’t that important to how a man views his future with a mate. He sees your love in the respect/appreciation/gratitude you show—actions more than words—for who he is and what he does. [Love vs. Respect in 5 parts; Sex Diff. Redux Parts 18 through 28]
  • DON’T gift him with the expectation that it will gain you favor. Men don’t appreciate unearned gifts, so you gain nothing at considerable cost. Give simple and inexpensive birthday, Christmas, and especially Valentine gifts. He doesn’t rate Valentine’s Day nearly as high or important as you. How he gifts you, however, tells you a lot. Don’t cook for him except as reward for some special favor he’s done. (Should you marry, you want your cooking to reward him for providing/protecting and not his expecting it for just being the man you love.)
  • Be patient. You need many months to allow time for a good man to change to meet your expectations. And, he has to do it mostly at his own motivation and time; your role is secondary. First, he downgrades his primary interest in conquest to include stronger interest in you. Then, he expresses his commitment with words that brighten your future. Then, he morphs into a state of devotion clearly exhibited by his actions to please himself just for wanting to please you. Then, he finds himself deeply devoted, and it shifts his focus to the promise you hold for his life and ambition. Somewhere along that process, his devotion to you shifts conquest into second place on his priority list. (You go wrong to try to influence or expedite that process. So, be patient, yourself, pleasant, and likeable in his presence. Take your complaints and worries to the Lord—but not girlfriends or family.)
  • Practice the art of thanking a man without saying thank you. See article 2059. Men are Never More Handsome….
  • DON’T pay or split pay for dates. If he won’t, he’s not good enough. If he can’t, let him treat you at Taco Bell. How he handles money promises what your future will be like with him. (Men don’t change, remember?) [Single Women Don’t Pay in 3 parts]
  • Don’t bug him to call, text, or speak of his love. He takes it as invitation to change and men don’t change for a woman—except as each one becomes devoted through his own motivation and action.
  • Use indirectness to get what you want. Seed planting, hints, questions, and weakly worded suggestions. Neither describe nor ask for your expectations to be fulfilled. What he figures out impresses him much more than what you describe or request. [Her Indirectness Overpowers Directness]
  • Don’t complain about him or his habits. If unsuitable for your future, drop him. (If you accept undesirable habits now, you in effect are saying you can live with them. When you mention them after marriage, you give him incentive to dump you. You deceived him; he married a phony because he was okay before the altar.)
  • There is no Mr. Right and it should take months for him to prove to you that he’s even Mr. Good Enough. Convince yourself and reflect this attitude: He’s not REALLY good enough FOR YOU but you’re willing to spend time with him for the enjoyment that the two of you have together. Just to see what happens. You might make good friends someday; he’s worth that as long as he’s nice and kind. Don’t try to manipulate, just find ways to keep his interest up for many months. It won’t be easy either but necessary for his focus to shift to putting your interest first and ahead of sex. [Four articles with “Mr. Right” in the title.]
  • Don’t let him hear you complain; you’re already a winner so you don’t want him involved with the complaint side of your life—at least not yet.

He will press you to find weaknesses to get you into bed. You need months to delay bedtime together while he discovers qualities in you that he can admire. They become virtues to him. Enough virtues and you become fascinating to him. You need more months for him to see promise in you as mate to supplement his life and ambition. After that, perhaps, a proposal.[Men Self-talk their Way to the Altar]

 

28 Comments

Filed under How she wins

784. Boob Language — Part 21


  • Women think men want them to pretty-up to please men. Not so. Men want females to look great all the time, and the woman they are with to look extraordinary.

 

  • Set aside sex and the challenge of conquest, the higher a female’s standards for everyday appearance, the higher her self-respect registers among men and her man. Men don’t love without respecting a woman, and they don’t respect those that lack self-respect.

 

  • Modern women take the easy or lazy path. They attire themselves to match the common, to not stand out, to take the easiest way, to dress to the minimum of acceptability for their environment. Men view them for what they see; women are common and deserve common treatment. Consequently, the Marrying Man approaches extinction.

 

  • Women used to refer to a female’s hair as her crowning glory. For the majority of modern women, fixing up her hair is unimportant for capturing or holding a man unless she’s doing something special. Dates and formal events qualify; work, home, non-date eating out, days off, and shopping don’t. Frizzy, disheveled, and dirty-appearing assume status as fashionable and crown a woman’s lack of neatness.

 

  • If she won’t dress to please herself and lift up her spirits, when she does it for a man she comes across phony to her and sooner or later the same way to him.

1 Comment

Filed under boobs

142. Do women know jack about Jack? —Part 7


First-time sex with each woman is a conquering event, after which he rates her as keeper, standby, or dumpee.

For the hunter-conqueror, the greater his target’s perceived virtue, the greater her value and his inspiration to keep trying. 

Hard-to-get means other guys failed before him. So, it enlarges the self-stroking of a man’s ego.

He offers his strengths for her to appreciate. If she shows no weaknesses, his strengths fade in importance, and so does she.

His respect for his woman softens a man’s heart, and her gratitude for him softens his hard-headedness.

His trustworthiness as mate is wrapped within her gratefulness for him as husband and father, provider and protector, and those other things he deems critical to his current and significant mission in life.

His woman’s grooming and appearance in public add to or detract from him. Other men look at her, but they also take the measure of him—or so he either thinks or desires.

Husband wants wife to look queenly yet unavailable, beautiful but unattainable. Something special enough to gain masculine admiration of him yet make men realize they can never have her. That’s a major, major input to his sense of significance.

If a man has flaws before they marry, each shortcoming will magnify afterward.

Husband wants wife to remain the woman she was before their marriage. But she insists on changing herself, because her life is now different. Or, she was a phony before marry up, and her true side emerges. Either way, it’s not good for longevity together.

[More jack about Jack can be found at posts 135, 132, 114, 97, 91, and 7. Search on the number or scroll down.]

3 Comments

Filed under sex differences, Uncategorized

118. MARRY WEATHER


NOTE: This post is dedicated to Tina, the extraordinary woman that inspired it.  

Courtship cool: If she makes it easy for him to know her, she makes it hard for him to keep her. Mystery captivates. Candidness victimizes her for whatever strengths of his dominance he chooses to use.  

Hunting season: A woman’s openness with a man does not serve her until after years of marriage and maybe not even then. Men as hunter-conquerors like tough targets, difficult game, hard-to-get prizes that first challenge and later provide frequent reminders of their manliness. The woman that makes it easy for him to understand her—or to take up residence with her—trains him against her best interests.

Long-range forecast: The greatest male candidate for marriage has unconditional respect for the opposite sex that exceeds respect for his own sex. The same applies to women candidates, but it’s easier to observe in women than men.

Stormy weather: The only window of opportunity to change a man opens before and closes after his sexual conquest of her. What she marries is what she gets, until his natural hard-heart mellows and hard-head softens with age.

Lousy forecast: Some women are not true to themselves. They act phony to capture a man. Men marry expecting wife NOT to change, but she does. If she’s phony before marriage, she turns into a woman he did not marry. 

Unseasonably warm front: Women marry and expect husband to change, but he doesn’t. Change is unmanly, but men relent when necessary to convince, court, and conquer a woman they view as extraordinary.

Occluded front: They are different. A man takes his relationship for granted. She reads it as his taking her for granted. Both follow their nature.

1 Comment

Filed under sex differences, Uncategorized

66. Hard-hearted Hannah


A woman easily kills her relationship when she exhibits female weaknesses that harden her heart for cooperation and soften her head into competing with her man. Weaknesses follow:

♥ Facetiousness prompted by fear of being wrong.

♥ Hatefulness prompted by dislike of herself.

♥ Selfishness never untaught to her in childhood.

♥ Busyness pursuing her personal rather than their agenda.

♥ Fussiness inspired by desire for perfection.

♥ Bitchiness that flows from envy, jealousy, and similar emotions related to others.

♥ Fearsomeness brought on by mistakes or failures that she thinks might be repeated endlessly. 

Quarrelsomeness that emerges from her desire to drive their bus.

♥ Untidiness, the nesting merits of which she was never taught in childhood.

 Loneliness imagined when he’s not alongside her.

♥ Lonesomeness caused by husband’s absence at work.

♥ Moodiness that flows from her inability to control events in her life to her satisfaction.

♥ Carelessness prompted by weak sense of responsibility.

♥ Sloppiness that reflects badly on husband to his friends and competitors.

♥ Phoniness energized by fear of her true character being found out.

♥ Political correctness brought on by sense of being victimized.

♥ Unfaithfulness that boils in oil her man’s sense of significance.

2 Comments

Filed under Home CEO, Uncategorized