Tag Archives: principles

2170. Chivalry — Wherefore Art Thou?


We need to teach children there is no shame in acting chivalrous, and no shame in girls welcoming and appreciating a chivalrous boy. Why wouldn’t a girl or woman, for example, love and appreciate that her male friend or potential suitor fixed a flat bicycle tire for her?

Parents should teach sons to NEVER stop acting chivalrous, no matter how many figurative slaps to the face they receive. Teach each boy to never stop trying to be the one who is first to help the damsel in distress, first to pay a compliment about a girl’s appearance, first to open a door for her, first to brave up to bullies on her behalf, first to put down boys that demean her, and first to ignore the taunts of boys for paying chivalrous tribute to girls.

And parents should teach little girls to pleasantly accept kindness every time it comes their way. It’s a blessing when males extend the chivalrous hand of help or friendliness that lacks sexual overtures. It doesn’t need to happen; males have other things to do, other and easier ways to earn self-admiration and respect. OTOH, the chivalrous boy CHOOSES to give unconditionally and make something come out to some female’s favor. Just the attitude of chivalry in the hearts of boys is sufficient to uplift the worthiness of females after both pass into adulthood.

As one of the most important character traits, parents should teach that no shame attaches to chivalry, even if and when females denigrate offers or the deliverer of help. It happens because of unwillingness in the modern pop culture to accept being called the weaker sex. Yet, accepting that pretense produces guys putting themselves at the disposal of women. However momentarily it may be, a chivalrous act confirms unconditional respect, unconditional willingness to please, and eagerness to earn female favor. It may be duty to him, but he acknowledges with action her self-worth in his world. It’s the beginning of mutual respect.

Our present-day pop culture continues to become more unfriendly for females.  It’s a small factor, but disclaiming being the weaker sex fuels the female ego contrary to the best interest of women and the natural propensity of men to win their favor. Yet, feminists and their followers continue to demean men and boys, which causes other women to miss the good old days of chivalry that so boldly confirms females as important.

Women feel awkward when faced with chivalry. They have little confidence. Some think they don’t deserve it, others wonder how they can adequately express their gratitude.

A ‘thank you’ is fine but it means little to men. Words just aren’t that meaningful to men; actions are. Women should provide more encouragement; they can reach a man’s heart with an action statement of admiration. Such as, ‘Men are never more handsome than when they please a lady.’ Or, ‘Wow, who taught you to be such a pleasant gentleman’? Or, ‘I measure a person by their deeds, and you make your deeds special.’ Note that each statement praises indirectly; nothing direct enough to be taken as a hit even so much as ‘You’re likeable.’

He’s admired and that makes her gratitude meaningful to men. Such admiring remarks are significant. But at least some acknowledgement must be paid by women. No recognition of chivalrous action shames the woman as ungrateful.

If we ever restore chivalry to society, women have to do it starting with boys and girls and blending it in over future generations. It’s amazing how the principles and practices of chivalry please both sexes with the other.

Tomorrow we return to dating in mid-life.

 

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340. College girls: Dateless??? — Posts 201-215


One Duke University senior claimed she never had a date in college and knew no one that had. So, coed now means guys and booty?

There’s more about the rest of the story at these post numbers.

201.       “We are co-dependent,” she imagines wrongly.

202.       This reveals his self-centeredness, and when aging makes her….

203.       Her actions dominate her feelings, not his actions.

204.       As women go, so goes the campus.

205.       Modern women market themselves poorly.

206.       Women reject this truism for making marriage work.

207.       Real, honest, and tough conquests are touchdowns.

208.       Wired and programmed into our subconscious, it identifies us to us.

209.       Women give up their dominance.

210.       If she does that to him, he is easily lured away.

211.       Feminism conflicts with two natural principles.

212.       Unmarried sex causes couples to over-commit and under-connect.

213.       More sex differences.

214.       Promiscuous women eventually find that they….

215.       Infatuation dominates female life.

Escape or dodge the booty label. See the CONTENT page in the blog header.

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299. Female dominance: Gone! — Part 10


Women lose their power to offset their mate’s dominant nature when they rely on feelings instead of thinking through with intent to solve problems.

Women easily sense disharmonies, problems, or conflicts in their relationships with a man. Men are far less sensitive to such potentially disruptive forces. Not only less sensitive but also the main culprit, or so women see it.

The ball is always in her court for a variety of reasons, and she has options. Without her initiative and leadership to resolve issues before they compound, her relationship will likely flounder and may fail. It’s in her court because:

·        She’s the relationship expert. Her female nature arms her to counter his dominance when necessary. She has only to play her cards right.

·        He won her by proving himself worthy—or should have. She married him for better or worse, That is, ‘as is’! If he now disappoints her, it’s her fault. Or, so she should assume and more easily forgive and forget.

·        Regardless of his guilt, it’s counterproductive to try quieting his dominant nature. When a man is blamed by his woman, he shifts into competitive mode and treats her as he would another guy—except he can be more forceful with much less fear of reprisal. In competitive mode with his woman, his battle helmet hardens, and he enters discussions with no intention of losing.

·        Leadership operates on principles—primarily responsibility and authority. First principle: Without responsibility, one has no authority to act. If she blames him and expects him to change whatever is wrong, then she accepts no responsibility and has no authority to go further.

·        Blame initially offends him, so she should wait for him to get clued in. She thus yields the power to initiate. When problems become apparent to him, his problem-solving dominance rises to take over. She merely has to guide his efforts to solve her problem.

When she abrogates her role as relationship expert, she loses strength for easing his dominance.

[More on the shattering of female dominance appears at posts 283, 252, 237, 222, 209, 194, 173, 159, and 151.]

 

 

 

 

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280. Female Fortitude—96 through 100


These ‘fortitudinals’ provide special themes or summaries. Numbers match previous posts.

96.     She always appears more respectful in the eyes of men that cannot conquer her. A man’s love is built upon his respect for a woman. 

97.     A man’s devotion to wife and marriage are not the same. The former is based on his heart, his feelings for her. The latter is based on his mind, values, principles, vows, and his word—to the extent that he honors such things.

98.     Younger women and their imitators primarily use skin to make boobs attractive. It works. However, men imprinted with thoughts about sex bypass focusing on her other qualities. Sex moved to the back burner moves men to chase her for herself instead of sex.

99.     Pop culture promiscuity reinforces to females that males are only after sex. Chastity teaches women that men are more interesting than that.  

100.   When marriage is less than absolutely essential to a woman, her boyfriend is miles ahead of her in avoiding it.

[Previous fortitudinals appear in posts 275, 270, 265, 260, 255, 250, 245, 240, 234, 228, 213, 203, 199, 186, 182, and 176.]

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254. Newlywed Bonding #5 — Pain that heals


In our land of great wealth, many couples break up over financial troubles. Then, they do it again with someone else. Most just can’t learn what it takes to avoid financial instability and payday rape by creditors.

Some people avoid spending except when necessary. They rely on will power. They don’t succumb to impulses. They suppress whatever need they may have for immediate gratification. They build their lifestyle around necessities with few luxuries. Shopping has no allure. They value functionality over fashion, essentials over convenience, labor- and time-intensive over labor- and time-savers. The rest of us are different.

Here are some principles, beliefs, attitudes, convictions, and lessons that can help newlyweds step off on the right foot.

♂$♀  There will be never enough money until you have so much that ‘enough’ is never thought of.

♂$♀ Control of money will always be more important than amount available.

♂$♀  Control requires a decision process. We call it the pain that heals, or simply ‘budgeting’.

♂$♀  The budgeting process keeps a couple focused on improving their lives. With the force of self-imposed rules, it pushes them to do in the present, what they need for their future.

The list continues in forthcoming posts.

[More about newlyweds appears at posts 247, 242, 230 and 224. Scroll down or search by number with dot and space following it.]

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230. Newlywed Bonding #2 —Virtue as glue


Newlywed life should not be about surviving storms, but learning how to dance in the rain. The dance instructor is virtue. Her gown is adorable femininity. His tux is admirable manliness. Dance shoes are their characters. The dance floor is home.

Daily pressures threaten every home. ‘Virtuous behavior’, as defined in this and future posts, glue a marriage by overcoming daily shock and awe. Couples make it happen, if they identify and dedicate inside defenses against outside threats.

The first and most important defense is this: Live up to things bigger than spouse, self, and even togetherness. This puts each spouse on the right road to virtuous behavior in the home.

Two strategies enable it: Worship God first, honor spouse second, and rank self as next in line. Belief in this ‘chain of command’ solidifies emotions around what’s most important to each spouse.

The second strategy is this: Create a series of principles and rules that lead to goal achievement and squabble prevention. Three arenas are the most vital: respect, money, and teamwork.

Each will be described in future posts. Not as advice, but as concepts that can work. Not as requirements, but as options for newlyweds to choose and use as they see fit.

When a couple can define and adhere to standards and expectations of their own making —aka virtues—then they breed complementary, cooperative, and compatible behavior. It’s the essence of marital glue and the driving force behind hopes and dreams.

[This newlywed series starts at post 224. Scroll down or search by number with dot and space following it.]

 

 

 

 

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211. Dark Side of Feminism—Part 15


     Feminism conflicts with two natural principles of American behavior. First, the male sex does whatever the female sex requires for men to have frequent and convenient access to sex.

Second, men react to how women treat them. Men treated as they wish to be treated rise to help fulfill female hopes and dreams. Men treated otherwise become what individual females can’t appreciate; they fulfill unmanly but masculine hopes and dreams—toys, parties, girls.  

Feminism inspired women to treat men disrespectfully, because men refuse to step up to the feminist model of what men should be as developed by radical political activists.

It worsens. Feminist-inspired lower standards for men to have access to sex frees up men to conquer more women. Women expect a man’s commitment to be error-proof, but female sisters bait and tease his natural urge to merge.

To compensate themselves but reward men, women declare and practice masculine-style sexual freedom. Women keep lowering the bar for access to frequent and convenient sex, and then blame men for easier jumping. Blame delivers mistreatment.

Looser customs free up men to hunt and conquer. Lowering standards for sex causes women to mistreat men, because men don’t live up to female expectations. Mistreatment causes men to easily tire of or become discouraged by one woman.  

Feminists lowered the drawbridge to sexual freedom, first for men and then for women. So, men have to do little to access the good life of many conquests.

Women buy into feminist theory and dogma. They disrespect the male gender but expect to be respected as females, wives, lovers, shack ups, link ups, hook ups with call ups, and even friends offering benefits. Men continue to mostly respect feminine mystique, female modesty, self-protective standards of morality, female-centeredness, feminine uniqueness, family cohesion, and niceties and gentleness. Men don’t possess such qualities, but they like to associate with experts that specialize.

[Other posts about the Dark Side are 196, 180, 168, 157, 146, 134, 129, 123, 103, 92, 71, 50, 47, and 23. Scroll down or search by the number and then click the title.]

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