Tag Archives: puberty

2065. Inspired Over Polish Food — Second Course

Out of a delightful Polish dinner with Her Highness Marie, one of my research consultants, I developed this article. She inspired two new thoughts about men and women, and two new principles came to light. I posted one at 2064 and the other here. It’s about improving a mother’s leadership.

After first grade starts, mom’s nurturing loses its effect. Keeping her influence mandates need for leadership. Whether direct or indirect leadership is the question to be answered here.

Lack of self-gratitude, lack of confidence in her natural strengths, and many frustrations subvert her natural ability. Especially frustrations caused by children locked naturally in self-development but partially disconnected from mom by unnatural phones and games. All of that causes mothers to adopt poor leadership habits.

Among other domestic pressures, frustration from disobedience pushes mom to take stronger action. Techniques that over time make mom dogmatic and even autocratic. It’s the style of leadership men use, direct. Give orders and expect obedience. However, it’s ungood for harmony among children naturally endowed with urges for self-development. They need, yearn for, and thrive on indirect leadership. Exactly the kind that women are prepared for at birth.

Women should not only tend to their man with indirectness and patience but also to raising children. Mother can’t go wrong by sticking to her nature but can easily slip into wrongdoing by copying male behavior. She’s not autocratic by nature, so she’s not at her most effective that way. When mom leads like dad, she weakens her influence, which makes kids less self-disciplined, which leads to more frustrations.

Although she can dominate children, she doesn’t gain by doing so. She has to discipline. But patience, understanding, and indirectness work better than harsher techniques observed in men. (I purposely leave out love as it too easily takes the form of indulgence, aka trying to buy instant obedience instead of helping children develop self-discipline.) The more that mom uses male techniques, the less effective she becomes at holding on to the hearts of her children. Don’t read that to mean she shouldn’t be tough—just tough indirectness, tough patience, tough understanding, hints toughened by silent ‘you better’, tough personality when challenged, admirable leader toughened by setting desired examples.

Moms can do much better by understanding that kids are self-developers, that patience is available in mom in huge amounts, and that indirectness is her God-given best style of leadership. While best when started with toddlers, moms can start later. In fact, they better get lots of practice before the onslaught of puberty, because patience and indirectness are all that works well in the teens when coaching is the best style of influencing for specific effects.

I realize now, the major principle behind coaching is indirectness and patience to enable players to self-develop. Of course, there’s a lot of loud misunderstanding about minor mistakes too. But they are made secondary because of toughness bred into kids by tough indirect leadership.

“The hand that rocks the cradle is the hand that rules the world.”* Nothing better than mom’s indirect leadership keeps the rocking within limits during the self-development of her children. [*From William Ross Wallace’s poem “What Rules the World” published in 1865]

NOTE: Guy Jr. synthesized a modern day approach to discipline. I’ve asked him to describe it in a future posting.



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2016. Female Blessings at Birth — 22-24

It’s the eighth group and I’m grateful for whatever feedback you send.

I continue taking the (currently 85) default attitudes for a test drive and your examination.

Please identify each item by its number and indicate true/false, as you see it. True means that a default item is part of female nature that women inherit at birth. False means that the item is missing completely from your heart or it’s something you learned during life, and so you have no reference point.

Where “Guy adds,” I could be wrong. Feel free to challenge my assumptions.

22. I am worthy of any man but only a few are worthy of me. [Guy adds: Unfortunately, her worthiness is too easily reversible in childhood. Parents are overly challenged and don’t treat children equally as persons but uniquely as boys and girls. It works for the better this way. Fathers pump up their daughters’ sense of self-worth and importance, which girls accept as relative to the source, one man representing all men. Mothers admire their sons’ achievements, which they accept as relative to the source, women. Then, in the romance marketplace, she automatically claims herself worthy and he willingly accepts it as challenge to win her. In the jargon of today, marriage works well with this start-up foundation. He thinks he married over his head and she knows that he did. It springs from natural impulses confirmed before puberty by parents.]
23. I have all the qualities I need to make one man earn me. (However, something inside also tells me I have to work daily to ‘tune up’ those qualities if I hope to keep the admiration of candidates for marriage. [Guy adds: And then, someday, at least one man will see you sufficiently virtuous that he becomes fascinated and devoted enough to see so much promise that he’s willing to yield his independence to capture you as wife.)
24. Something deep inside says I should, so I refuse to accept offenses to my feminine sensibilities. I spotlight my objections with critical words or by departing the scene. (No more f- or c- words, porn, or similar filth in my or children’s presence.) [Guy adds: Female sensibilities are personal. You can’t be wrong, so take action and neither complain nor explain, just act. It’s also a primary method by which women set standards to which men are expected to rise, which is one practice that produces a female-friendly society.]

Example for your response: “23-F ” works okay to reflect your opinion of false to that one item. Also, comments are welcome and desired if you take exception.

Thank you for your opinions.



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1976. The Heart and Soul of Family

Both sexes are born to be compatible and to do good. That natural inheritance, using marriage as the rib, enables them to create a living body. Husband is the head. Wife is the neck. Mother is the heart. Father is the soul. The better is the performance by the occupiers of each role; the more successful is the family.

The head of the family is the ultimate authority, responsible for the toughest decisions, and accountable for failures. Husband, however, is ill-equipped to directly manage family relationships; he leads with policy and not hands-on. He contributes indirectly by exploiting his strengths on efforts and achievements that earn self-admiration. (I summarize it as producing, providing, protecting, and problem solving. [139]

The neck of the family keeps the head focused on whatever brightens the family future. The neck points the head at desirable outcomes that please the heart and she hopes will please everyone else—especially the head to whom she owes her life as neck. While the head governs the present, the neck governs the long run in order to shape the family’s internal future and help the head improve their external future. [139]

The heart smooths out the harshness of daily life, energizes everyone else, molds family spirit, shapes character of infants and toddlers, and coaches teens. The heart lathers family members with mutual respect, joy, gratefulness, and hope. The heart morphs it all into mutual love and inspires her to help the neck. With so much balancing of roles the neck has to do, it’s the toughest job of all. The head isn’t born capable of generating that kind of family togetherness. He’s no better than lessons learned growing up and during courtship as a fast learner. After marriage he’s a slow learner about such matters—too busy elsewhere and he hired a wife to handle such things. [139]

If the neck doesn’t crown the head as king, she inherits the head role too. Many women reject the crowning of their former prince as king. They usurp his role, and find themselves without a family neck, which weakens both the family heart and soul. It also opens the exit door for the deposed natural head. [139]

The soul provides the leadership that guides family members to do good. To give rather than take, achieve rather than loaf, help rather than hinder, and otherwise convert ability to do good into the result of being good.

One final role: The kids after toddlerhood and before puberty absorb their values from heroes. Head, neck, heart, and soul should all apply for the job and learn to make heroes of each other. Otherwise, kids find heroes elsewhere, learn to imitate outsiders, and anticipate doing the same with teen peers a few years hence. [139]

The successful family identifies clear-cut roles, uses head-neck-heart-soul as the rank structure, and each member performs their own roles excellently and readily forgives whatever inadequacies appear in others. In that way women can realize their girlhood hopes and dreams.

NOTE: It’s perfect. Thanks to Nia Vardalos for the head-turned-by-neck analogy. It’s from her flick, My Big Fat Greek Wedding. [139]


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1570. Mother’s Plan 05 — The Teens

Focused on what women never hear, this series expanded. Today the teens, tomorrow the parents. I hope to show that greater dependence on the nature of males and females provides a far better foundation to prepare parents for exposure to teen life. Today we look at teens’ and their reactions to some internal and external pressures.

  1. Before puberty both girls and boys confirm, enhance, and enlarge their self-image through accomplishments. After puberty, boys continue the same; they seek to win admiration for accomplishments. However, girls shift their ambitions somewhat. They seek to confirm their importance through accomplishments that solidify the wanted and nullify unwanted relationships.
  2. Hormones propel puberty. The presence or absence of values in the teen psyche governs the personal growth that follows. Parental nurturing insults a teen. Tight leadership earns teen disdain. Personal independence in decision-making crowns the teen persona. Parents are left with one effective influence method, coaching.
  3. When puberty hits boys and girls who don’t believe in themselves, they desert parents when in need of approval and guidance. They look for someone else’s belief in them, because what went before can no longer fill their ambitions and need for their larger role in life. A stronger sense of independence compels them to suspect parental wisdom and applicability to their forthcoming ‘new life’. They default to teen associates for approval and guidance.
  4. Belief in oneself comes from one source: several or many years of successful accomplishments. That is, feats attempted and completed; fears faced and conquered; obstacles detected and overcome; judgments proven correct; mistakes dodged or forgiven through recovery; promises kept; beliefs confirmed; responsibilities accepted; and even a bittersweet conscience scalded by few or many lies, failures, and broken promises.
  5. Lack of belief in oneself comes from inadequate upbringing before puberty. Parents fail to make it habitual for children to take advantage of opportunities that can deliver a sense of accomplishment. Achievement denied because of tasks never given, responsibilities not clarified, parental expectations not verbalized, routine duties never assigned, or childish excuses accepted in lieu of doing what one should do.
  6. The more mature the mind of a boy, the better he feels about himself doing adult-like things that teach how better to produce, provide, protect, and problem solve. Also, by virtue of less interest until he feels better qualified to do well at it, the pursuit of sex has a low or even insignificant priority. His sexual identity isn’t confused; his adult persona isn’t developed as he wishes it.
  7. Boys tease girls primarily to elicit smiles, which boys take as signs of approval. Modern girls dislike being teased; they scowl because feminists taught females to disrespect males. As a result, modern boys tease disrespectfully and girls dislike it even more. The cultural tradition of pleasant, innocent, and frequent intersex recognition and approval thus fades away.
  8. Their nature doesn’t encourage girls to have sex. It stirs them to exploit their ultimate asset, as males view females, to get what they want.
  9. Boys seek admiration. Less time at home applies pressure for them to win it among others. However, if the lure of winning admiration at home exists, ambitions weaken to seek it elsewhere.
  10. Boys want to learn about girls but they don’t know how. Modern girls substitute sex. They don’t recognize that boys aren’t being taught lessons vital to the future well-being of females. In only one way do boys learn the truth about fulfilling the hopes and dreams of females: denial of sex by many girls. Yielding teaches boys the wrong things. Only by girls refusing to yield do masculine dreams, hopes, and curiosity stir the male imagination to honor female uniqueness and respect the promises of marriage.
  11. The teen pecking order builds primarily on age. Teen life changes so rapidly that one year doesn’t seem that important compared to other years. However, a year’s difference between teens of the same sex is very significant. It generates a respect gap and the younger ends up with less than his due. Among teen unmarried couples, girls can’t respect a younger boy with enough energy to stifle older boys from stealing the girl away. Such relationships don’t last. Greater age gaps generate even greater respect gaps.
  12. Girls find out about boys by refusing to have sex with them. Each must do it alone to get a dependable and predictable picture of what men will be like in her life.

WADWMUFGAO, that is, we all do what makes us feel good about ourselves. Teens eagerly imagine teen life as their exclusive domain and a top priority. Learning about the opposite sex tops the ways in which they exchange knowledge and interest to feel good about themselves. Results aren’t always as imagined, but teens aren’t deterred. They keep trying. They shun the wisdom of the ages; teen life is their exclusive domain to live and shape it as they sense they should. But still, parents play a major role. Their dilemmas come up tomorrow at post 1572.


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771. Gender Differences Revisited — Group O

  1. To a woman in her home, décor and fashion supersede functionality. According to men, functionality should reign.
  2. To men sex is an end. To women sex is a means.
  3. Females want to see justice served through equality, when equality is more theory than achievable. Males want to see justice served through fairness, which is both practical and achievable.
  4. The male nature promotes winning as the only thing—fairness in action. The female nature promotes how one plays the game as more important than winning—equality in action.
  5. Men value what they see when they see it more than what they remember about what they saw. Women are opposite.
  6. Although both sexes are emotional decision-makers, men tend to weigh facts and truth with greater reality. Women tend to more easily blend reality with their emotions.
  7. Women more easily endorse political correctness than men. (In the name of compensating for past injustices, it makes things more equal. According to my favorite intellectual giant, Dennis Prager, truth and political correctness are mutually exclusive.)
  8. Boys either mature mentally before puberty or remain adolescent as men. Girls either mature mentally after puberty by denying sex to boys, or they remain adolescent as women.


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758. Response to Viewer — Item 21b

Her Highness Abigail prompted this article. At post #751 she commented: “…your writing makes me feel like women have a very bad deal. Surely men aren’t all as selfish as you make them sound!”

Of course men are not. WhatWomenNeverHear describes the potential that men have for making women happy or miserable, and how women can prevent, avoid, or cure it. How I describe men generally has little connection to specific traits of an individual. Across an array of characteristics, every man appears differently.

However, I point out these realities about selfish/unselfish:  

  • Selfishness emerges naturally. Learned behavior suppresses it as disadvantageous to one’s self-interest.
  • Women promote unselfishness, because it helps bond relationships. Men have much less interest, because they are more individualistic.
  • Women see unselfishness as critical to relationship harmony, and so they teach children to adopt it. They also measure the offensiveness of male selfishness by relationship standards.
  • Men see far less practical use for stabilizing relationships, so they differ from females about selfish/unselfish issues. Not saying it’s fair, or that selfishness is justified. It’s just human nature in action with different sexes involved.
  • We’re all born selfish. Mothers are the primary instrument by which selfishness is ‘untaught’ in childhood. Girls grasp and more easily embed it in their subconscious. Boys require more diligent programming to become generally unselfish as part of their consciousness.
  • Whether a man has conquered a female or not plays a major part within a couple’s relationship. After their first sex together, he may show a level of selfishness that surprises her.
  • After puberty, boys’ selfish/unselfish behavior relates to whoever else is involved. Consequently, chaste girls have considerable influence in conveying the merits of unselfishness to teen boys. Chaste single women have similar influence with men.
  • Players prey on females that don’t pay much attention to masculine self-centeredness about sex.  Consequently, players learn that selfishness pays off. When they marry, it’s tough for wife to accept it and tough for him to change.

Paraphrasing Forrest Gump, Selfish is as selfish does. In the end, everyone has something about which they are selfish. Adult men and women tend to be as selfish/unselfish as their self-interest guides them.

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749. Gender Differences Revisited — Group N

  1. Sex to her is giving of herself. To him, it’s taking—especially their first time together.  
  2. She is the expert on relationships and bonding. He is the expert on sex and escaping.
  3. Starting at puberty, boys are turned off by female nagging—unless she’s a sex target as yet unconquered. It’s natural and for life.
  4. Women hunger for marriage. Men can easily do without.
  5. A man’s confidence emanates from his self-image, his picture of who and what he is. A woman’s emanates from her self-esteem, how well she likes herself as a person, her self-love.
  6. The masculine way is eat to enjoy life. The feminine way is eat to sustain life.
  7. The sexual pleasures for a woman are far outweighed by the other things she needs for a happy life. Men for the most part let sex substitute for whatever else is missing.
  8. Therapeutic recovery for a man lies within his work or doing something. A woman mostly relies on time for healing while unloading anguish to the sympathetic and empathetic ears of friends.

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