Tag Archives: relationship development

2615. Pretty Time


Eliza Doolittle in My Fair Lady claims, “The difference between a lady and a flower girl is not how she behaves, but how she is treated.” If not her behavior, then her appearance must determine lady-like treatment. My late wife, Her Majesty Grace, repeated this many times: “If she dresses like a whore, she is treated like a whore.” Again, appearance touted as critical to how a woman will be treated.

Women can’t motivate men or change men’s minds about judging women. Women can only motivate themselves to change themselves, and thereby hope and figure that men’s judgments will become more favorable and somehow morph into better treatment. Two factors play vital roles in such relationship development. Attractiveness triggers the start up. Conquest stops the high rate of previous development.

Boiled down to the essence, either women pay more attention to their personal attractiveness every day, or men will continue to find them less and less adequate for mating. No man wants to be seen associating permanently with a less than attractive mate. It is not women, it is the male nature, the way they are born as competitors.

Women have been propagandized into adopting masculine-style sexual freedom. The sexual revolution was designed by radical feminists to make enemies of men and women—a political objective. It worked primarily by blaming men for the problems of women.

Even though it works to the marital disadvantage of women, they exploit masculine-style sexual freedom. It motivates them to dress sexually attractive and yield more easily to conquest, both of which make them poorer wives as potential husbands judge them.

Men don’t marry for sex, they marry for a good woman upon whom they can depend to provide the essentials for husbandly life to grow per his wishes. He’s simple; love is never enough. Faithful husbands need three things. Satisfied with her as his woman, satisfied that he likes living with her, and satisfied that his marriage is working to his advantage and compensating for yielding his independence. All of which makes her that much more valuable to him, provided she promotes her own attractiveness.

Nowadays, in hope of establishing relationships, modern women assume the role of seller with men as buyer, a reversal of their natural roles. Women now expect to prove their worth to earn a man, and they use sex as coin of the realm. They mistakenly think it makes them unique, but sex organs are similar in all women, so where does a woman’s uniqueness come from? Her unique virtues emanate out of her mind, heart, character, and personality. Women’s wishes to the contrary, men don’t marry for sex; it’s a sideline benefit but neither prime motivator nor prime keeper of a husband’s dedication.

Women use sex for leverage without grasping these facts. Sex neither bonds a man as it does a woman, nor holds him with any permanency, nor makes her unique, nor makes her the virtuous woman that men seek to marry. IOW, by women using sex to attract a man, it causes them to end up as more sex target than marriage target.

Even worse for women, provided with cheap and easy unmarried sex, men miss the experience of discovering a woman’s virtues. Positive qualities that each man admires and considers to be virtues.

Men uncover a woman’s virtues while studying her for weaknesses to facilitate conquest. After bedding her the first time, he quits looking for weaknesses, the result of which is the virtual end of discovering qualities he can admire. He paid whatever price she expected for conquest, which means he need do nothing more to understand her better. In principle, he owns their sexual agenda and, by inference, her.

Thus, relationship development is severely curtailed by both conquest and lack of wearing attractive, complementary, and clean and well-groomed attire.

A man wants last to see his wife treated by others as a sex target. Instead, he wants her seen so attractive that his male competitors admire his having captured her, and respect him that she now belongs to him.

When a husband is so satisfied that he values his marriage above his independence, he has married a good wife. Out of that satisfying arrangement, faithfulness and fidelity emerge and grow.

Thus, attractive attire and grooming and delay of conquest prolong the development of relationships until potential husbands truly appreciate her attractiveness, and it becomes enhanced by her virtues discovered accidentally while looking for ways to conquer her.

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Filed under courtship, Culture & Politics, Dear daughter, feminine, How she wins, marriage, The mind

2166. Dating in Mid-life — Part C4: Fail to Plan and You Plan to Fail


Dating success follows certain principles that govern the interaction for a developing relationship. Many functions are key.

You’re the tick, he’s the tock. You specialize in showing interest in him and then listening. You respect and enable him to communicate directly and you respond as indirectly as polite. He’s selling himself, so let him. If necessary, you show interest in him and he responds. You enable him to lead and make your spirit of cooperation to shine in his favor.

Howsomeever, as I used to hear country folk declare an upcoming contrary thought, you compete directly and even get in his face if necessary to 1) defend your sexual standards and expectations against his insistence and persistence, or 2) terminate what’s happening and put an end to the date or relationship.

Forget these two things that mean so much to you.

  1. You can’t make him like you, especially if you try. Trying alone makes you do the wrong things. Example: Relying on three little words may help but it’s really insignificant; men judge on actions primarily and seldom on words. Be yourself. Make him win your affection, make himself worthy of you; he doesn’t appreciate unearned gifts.
  2. Don’t try to impress him and don’t even disclose whatever affection you may have for him, except to say you like him—somewhat, starting to, perhaps even teasingly, but never a helluva lot. Mystery, remember? To like him some and respect him a lot are enough for him. He believes it better anyway if he figures for himself that your actions signify your affection to be real.

Instead of affection, express your admiration. That’s what he’s after. The masculine counterpoint to the female’s determined affection for sharing affection is earning self-admiration and yours is appreciated. Admiration simply registers with men more deeply than affection.

He either likes you as you are—virtues and shortcomings—and wants to keep you by his side. Or he doesn’t. When you’re being your true self, you can’t do much more to keep him alongside. If he quits selling himself to you, it’s all over. If you try to sell yourself to him, you act like a pushover, and his objective shifts to sex, which makes you booty or disposable after conquest.

Don’t be phony. A marriage likely won’t succeed very long if the wife shows up as different from the bride he married. So, phoniness is destructive long-range although you may gain some benefits in the near term.

Be quick to defend yourself instinctively and intuitively against any offense to your sense of good order and self-discipline, his displeasing you, embarrassing you, and especially his disrespecting you. Those things you don’t want to live with need to be disclosed when they first appear. The more you stand up for yourself pleasantly but uncompromisingly, the more respect you will earn and a man’s love is based on respect for women generally and you specifically.

Two things hold a man’s attention long enough to impress him with your respectability: refusing sex and standing up strongly for your dignity, values, and standards as both person and woman. Your objections not only earn his respect but make him uncomfortable, and discomfort changes a man’s behavior to favor you.

Out of all the above, you focus, perhaps re-learn some things and unlearn others, and use your superior relationship expertise to guide and shape dates into progressive steps of relationship development. It’s easy for me to spout it on screen, but you get both the fun and anxiety.

 

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Filed under courtship, How she wins, sex differences

2165. Dating in Mid-life — Part C3: You Dominate or Lose


Attempts to dominate either a man or your date can both challenge and offend him. Yet, you should dominate relationship development. To do that, you dominate the subject of sex until conquest. After that your dominance goes away and you have to rely on his respect, your likeability, his devotion, and your ability to get your way while being submissive.

Men may disagree, resent, and even storm off in anger for effect or permanently. But, they know you’re entitled to protect your sexual assets. Regardless of their apparent unwillingness to respect your right, they know they have to earn it. Proof? They don’t really expect you to be submissive until they have conquered you.

You should also dominate the subject of your dignity. It’s identified by what you can’t live with, and you need to have your mind fixed strongly on just what those things are. Example: Don’t tolerate his embarrassing you. If you feel a reddening in your face, he’s violated your nature,  gone too far, and needs to know it. Your modesty is your best weapon to stave off masculine misbehavior.

When you dominate sex and dignity successfully, it enables you to develop a better relationship—if one is to develop out of subsequent dates. With this caveat, do it all without seeming to dominate. Perception is reality, so you don’t want him to perceive that you’re dominating the subject. Not telling him how or what to do but just standing your ground, protecting your interest, and guarding your unique assets with a strong will. You may offend him by defending yourself, but you will also earn his respect. If offense exceeds respect, he’s not the guy for you anyway. If respect exceeds offense, he’ll be more careful next time. He’s learning to not displease or disrespect you.

If you commit to following your nature, you will instinctively do the following and intuitively respond to his words and actions with behaviors that promote a promising relationship.

  • Identify and commit yourself to your unbendable values, standards, and expectations. Seal them in concrete in your heart and pledge your intentions to yourself to not violate them or let anyone talk you into acting contrary to them.
  • The first time it happens, inform him that if he displeases or disrespects you, you will let him know with an almost insignificant signal. Subsequently, don’t try to correct him directly. Just show the same signal each time he displeases or disrespects you or challenges, offends, or attempts to bribe you out of your panties or the solid values, standards, and expectations sealed in your heart. (As a signal for example, I suggest just showing him your pinkie finger (see #2150) but you may find something less unique and more pleasing to you. Rub your nose, pat the top of your head, or whatever as long as he gets a silent message that you’re displeased but can get over it if the subject is changed right away.)
  • Recent articles [2153 and 2154] put forward the condition that female dominance causes masculine discomfort. Actually, most of the time it works in reverse; causing masculine discomfort generates female dominance. It enables women to dominate with the right discomforting signal.
  • The knife edge of successful dating is this. He is so cocky and confident that he expects to have no trouble bringing up the subject of sex. He’s comfortable with the talking or the doing. You aren’t, shouldn’t be, or at least your nature is not comfortable. Your objective should be to make him uncomfortable about sex until you introduce it as acceptable. He’s uncomfortable about marriage. So, when he brings up sex, you respond by bringing up marriage. Oh, not proposing it; just mention it as discussable until he drops sex. Tie the two together tightly until such time as you deem the relationship well developed and ready for you to yield initiative to him on the subject.

So, if he can’t find comfort with you and still live with some discomfort about sex and marriage, it’s a red flag that he probably is not truly after you but just sex with you. And that’s a major part of breathing success into relationship development.

 

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