God designs, Nature endows, and hormones energize the male and female natures. Out of that bundle of blessings, specific motivations stir everyone, love emerges in three forms, and the sexes love very differently.
- Romantic love is seemingly unconditional and very crowded with unexplainable and often unjustified emotions. It’s also temporary, because it fades a year or two after a couple’s first sex together. (Consequently, unless otherwise called to your attention, romantic love will not be addressed further in this series.)
- Mother-love is unconditional, born of birthing and nurturing, and is the most stable and enduring of all forms of love.
- Enduring love is conditional love based on factors of mutual attractiveness. The attractiveness must be magnetic enough to withstand time, social pressures, and the whims and quirks of individual and often competing self-interests. Enduring love bonds friends, relatives, and—after their romantic love fades—couples. It’s the primary love for holding marriages together.
By way of examining the natural differences that govern the way that men and women love, consider three stimulating principles that play major roles in life and love.
- We all do what makes us feel good about ourselves. This natural characteristic motivates men and women to love one another. Women because they need it. Men because they like it.
- We can’t pass on to others what we don’t possess. For example, only to the extent we respect or love ourselves can we respect or love someone else. To the extent we don’t believe in ourselves, others treat us accordingly. If we don’t respect others, our children won’t either. If we are short of self-respect, we can’t endow our children with more self-respect than we have.
- Self-respect is the foundation. Respect for others is the structure. Mutual respect is the key to successful human relationships. Without all three forms, then dislike, distrust, doubt, and even suspicion prevail to squeeze out room for love. If we don’t believe in someone, they won’t respect us. If we don’t respect someone, they won’t trust us.
- Consequently, the root of husbandly excellence lies in boyhood. It starts with parents, teachers, and other opinion leaders treating boys with respect such that their self-respect develops as high as possible. Following that, boys must be taught to respect others, to learn from experience the blessings of mutual respect, and to develop belief in the unique worth and benefit of females. All of which is essential to the process of womanhood ‘growing’ good husbands.
Boiled down to equivalents, love is to women what respect is to men. Relationship compatibility is either built on that combination, or it doesn’t last. And so females, the relationship experts, are challenged to breathe life into the development of boys, men, and husbands. That’s why they get paid the big bucks of seeing their hopes and dreams come true.
Tomorrow’s article describes how the sexes differ on the subject of love.