Tag Archives: self-development

2859. Snowflake Creation

This is a hot subject for me. Younger Americans in the Millennial subculture irritate or disappoint their associates. We all talk about the snowflakes’ faults, but no one has yet identified the cause or prevention of more of the same. I step in there.

Most of the snowflake personality can be blamed on the lack of any sense of responsibility to other people. Judith Rich Harris claims in “The Nurture Assumption” that children develop their personalities more in connection with peers than parents. Snowflakes have a peer environment that includes social media associates, and so their personality development automatically distorts contrary to mature adult values, standards, and expectations.

Snowflakes have this in common. They don’t particularly like how they fit in the world in spite of faux bravado to the contrary. They lack a sense of responsibility to others and even to themselves. Both of those irritating shortcomings are correctable between the toddler years and puberty. It’s a function of parental leadership in childhood.

Primarily, parents of snowflakes lack that leadership ability. They don’t know what to do or how to do it. They mistakenly take the easy way out and do what makes the parents feel good about themselves under the guise of making their offspring feel good. Thus, kids grow up in a world of constant entertainment.

Snowflakes are absent the sequential upbringing that teaches them to be responsible adults; which is a function of self-discipline; which is a function of self-development; which is a function of responsibilities assigned and developed into habit in childhood; which is a function of chores, special tasks, and similar responsibilities up to which a child learns to achieve, master by themselves, and thereby self-develop on their own; and which forms their adult maturity, unlike snowflakes, with a strong sense of self-discipline.

Girls brought up to self-develop that way also earn self-respect that enables them to stand up and compete against the dominance of boys and men. Boys brought up the same way learn self-love that enables them to respect girls and later love a woman.


Filed under Culture & Politics, Dear daughter, Fickle female, nurturing

2823. Love is Never Enough — 03: Love of Children

Theme. As they are born, love differs by sex. It originates differently, is perceived differently than intended, and the effects match neither cause nor intentions of the giver, except in childhood, that is.

Women have two kinds of love to give. Mother love is ignited by confirmation of conception and magnifies upon delivery of her first born. It is unconditional and lasts for life. (It’s also the unique motivator that matches the male’s unique motivator to conquer the next available female. Neither gender has anything else to compare in intensity, dedication, and longevity, but those two motivators are enough to perpetuate the species as God designed us. Oh, perhaps the randomness of Nature developed our species to not die off, but with only two main motivators? Two motivators that click so easily and uniquely last for life seems more design than evolution to me. )

A woman’s main form of female love flows easily from the self-love she inherits at birth and is willing to share. Usually she shares it freely, because doing so makes her feel good about herself. However, it is conditional and dependent on whomever a woman thinks deserves her affection and appreciation.* She dispenses it at her pleasure, sometimes just to feel good about herself.

Effect on men. Female love has a different effect on males depending on their age group — child, adolescent, or adult.

As a child, mother love embellishes a kid’s self-development according to her instinctive determination of need. The child’s reactions, however, differ by sex. Girls appreciate nurturing mother love, because it aids development of self-respect missing at birth; it tends to make girls defend themselves sexually and want to duplicate mother as they grow up.

Boys are another matter. Mother love expands a boy’s appreciation of himself, and tends to promote growth of self-love missing at birth; it aids his desire and development toward being more manly like his father. By sharing her conditional love after first grade, mothers wean boys off of mother love, which begins to be too nurturing and unacceptable to boys after about their sixth or seventh birthday.

As an adolescent, the nurturing nature of mother love makes it unacceptable to teens of both sexes. They assume the role of adult in miniature form and expect to succeed without nurturing assistance, unless they ask for it.

Teen girls possess the conviction that they should spread their love and likeable boys are the sweetest targets. Girls pursue boys persistently, because loving another provides the fresh realization that they are growing successfully toward womanhood. Women love men and so teen girls prepare with an early start to prove how great their love can be. It’s a premature offshoot of their instinctive adult motivation to be a good woman.

Boys do not love girls. They neither understand the females’ loving ways nor want to put up with it except as it leads to sex. Teen boys, after puberty and until they mature about age 21, are in the business of figuring out how to keep themselves satisfied with themselves as life develops around them.

Pursuit of sex with girls is a welcome sport. It’s a diversion, however, from maturing faster. Teens figure things out faster by generating success in their lives. If they find too much success bedding girls, they continue into adulthood with an adolescent mindset to keep bedding females. Physically mature, mentally adolescent.

Adolescents do not love girls, because men do not love women as women expect they do or should. IOW, male love is nowhere near identical to female love. The closest a man’s love comes to a woman’s is how he is devoted to her as admirable action figure. Teen boys are little men trying to figure out how to master a higher skill level that calls for mating up sometime with a woman. Each does so efficiently without giving up too much of himself. Meanwhile, women compete with potential mates to expand the ‘too much’ part, to make a man invest himself more deeply in order to capture and hold her heart.

The effect of female love on adult men is next.


*Female love includes many other warming and pleasant emotions, but for simplicity here, I let affection and appreciation stand for all the others.


Filed under courtship, Dear daughter, marriage, sex differences, The mind

2767. Refresher Thoughts — 17

  1. This feminist motto has been around for decades and women now live it vigorously: “What men can do, women can do better.” The result of that and similar feminist-think is indifference toward men as valuable tools of society, dependable mates, and responsible family members. Indifference, being the opposite of love, women nevertheless spread it and expect their love to make up for any shortfalls to the female side of life. The impact on men returns to women as indifference for them as framers of cultural standards, social expectations, and permanent mates. Even worse, the feminist attitude that men are of limited usefulness leads to women being abandoned by their men, which is their inborn greatest fear.
  2. At her website, https://insanitybytes2.wordpress.com/2017/08/31/vagueity-vague-vague/, Insanitybytes22 made this statement in the comments section. “Somebody smart once said ‘what men fear the most is women’s indifference, but what women fear the most, is men’s fear.’” To which I add, women fear indifference—the opposite of love—from men. Yet, they shower their man’s significance—what he has done and can do—with indifference.
  3. Both sexes have one unique motivational force that overrides all others and lasts for life. After puberty, men are motivated to conquer attractive females. When each one yields, he has paid her price and so he owns their sexual agenda and his interest shifts toward a new target. Thus, men have a special sex drive for the unconquered and another for those already conquered. A mother’s love comes alive with each biological birth, lasts for life, and is as unique and motivationally powerful as the primal urge of men to conquer.
  4. Women need to be cherished, but men know little or nothing about womanly needs, especially how being cherished helps fulfill the female’s role as domestic partner.
  5. Individuals are born with free will to prosper themselves as they best see fit. Each is born to get their way associating with others, that is, competitively. Experience in life teaches when it’s possible, practical, unwise, and impossible to win the competition. It’s the essence of self-development, a process that lasts for life.


Filed under Dear daughter, feminine, How she wins, marriage, sex differences

Blog 2766 — Refresher Thoughts — 16

God made male the dominant gender so a man could get his way, but mental and physical strength are never enough.

  1. To marry Mr. Right cripples a marriage. Once a gal sights and calls a guy Mr. Right, her screening process turns itself off on the presumption she found what she was after. After they wed, she sees flaws and perhaps red flags that she can’t live with. OTOH, if he screens good enough and she can live with his flaws, she has several marital decades to help him morph himself into Mr. Right by way of finding greater satisfaction living in her grateful presence.
  2. God gave women the talent, skills, and motivational energies for generating and maintaining a relationship as a couple, all the way from dating through marriage and family development. God gave men none of those motivational energies or abilities; whatever men achieve in relationships, they learn from females. Therein lies the challenge that women call burden to avoid doing what they should do as the only experts.
  3. Man and woman meet up full of mutual interest. Two conquerors face off. He seeks first sex without obligation; she seeks sincere obligation before first sex. She expects to be romanced; he views romance as part of foreplay and doesn’t deliver what she expects. She expects his love of her to develop quickly and openly as does her love of him; he expects her to earn his respect first or else his behavior doesn’t become very loveable and she faces disappointment.
  4. I hope to show that the fault lies with females—mothers, grandmothers, girls, bachelorettes, wives, and widows. Each plays a part in conditioning man-think into female friendly behavior. Men are born without the need of romance, intimacy, love, togetherness, morality, and religion. They learn the hows, whats, whens, and whys from females in their lives.
  5. A male’s inborn ambitions lead to continually doing something, accomplishing things that include both purposeful downtime and R&R, and thus adding to his significance. As he develops, a work ethic develops from his habits and successes. However, without good parenting, direction can be faulty and lack guidance. Self-development determines whether he is productive for society, women and children, and beneficial or harmful for self. Each man’s natural under-developed work ethic enables mothers, girls, bachelorettes, and wives to enhance his self-development to the advantage of females and society.

God made female the superior gender, so a wife can get her way.


Filed under Culture & Politics, Dear daughter, How she wins, marriage, sex differences

2684. Answers That Women Look For — 03

Previous Q&A for easy reference.

  1. Why do men avoid marriage? [See 2676]
  2. What makes a husband dissatisfied with himself? [See 2676]
  3. Do men consider the wife to be responsible to keep their marriage together? [See 2676]
  4. Why do husbands cheat? [See 2677]

 Q. If the sexes are so different at birth, how are they alike? [2684]

A. The deeper I go into male/female subject matter, the more it makes sense that the sexes differ in so many ways. The subject here is a spot we’ve not visited previously, how the sexes are alike.

Responsibility. Being individuals, we inherit the responsibility for our self-development and how we turn out. We can’t take care and develop ourselves unless we start by taking responsibility for every facet of life that we can control or influence. How we decide to carry, share, revitalize, or dispose of responsibility is the most awesome and challenging function we call living. (By aborting self-responsibility, some people cripple their lives—e.g., wives won’t stand up for themselves for fear of losing their man.)

Motivation. Self-interest drives the motivation bus. Everyone is primarily motivated to pursue their self-interest. It develops subconsciously and operates in background to keep individuals up to date as life progresses. It shapes who they are and what they are after.

Free will. Each individual is blessed with free will to pursue self-interest. It helps get their way in life’s decisions. Until, that is, most individuals decide to somewhat amend free will in order to adjust and improve their way of life with others, especially individuals; e.g., a wife yields to hubby on present-day matters, so she can shape the future to match her expectations. Yielding free will in certain instances, however, does not make one less responsible for their life. It’s just a trade off to enhance whatever life a person seeks to develop for the situation, aka modifying self-interest.

Get their way. Individuals are driven to get their way as evidenced early by infants seeking comfort and toddlers battling competitors. It makes competition the most fundamental law of interacting individually. Except as we defer by choice or force, we are always in competition with others of both sexes. We learn as a small child the need to either fight to get our way, negotiate agreement, yield to someone else by choice, or be forced to yield to someone else (mom’s rule, big brother, and a girl says ‘no’ come to mind). Exception: Girls learn early in life they can get their way more effectively by cooperating rather than competing, which teaches and enables women to get their way with men much more easily than with other females.

Self-development. We each are born with an unconscious motivation to develop ourselves as unique individuals. It’s visible as early as toddlerhood and continues throughout life. Consequently, we get what we motivate ourselves to get out of life, and the best results—especially by tweens and teens—come from accepting and fulfilling the responsibility of mature adults. To the extent people ignore or dodge responsibility for themselves, they cripple and possibly shorten their lives. Once children pass puberty, they absorb an attitude of being close enough to adulthood to act like adults. Their maturity level, however, is proportional to the sense of adult responsibility tweens developed before puberty and teens exhibit in the adolescent years.

Satisfaction. Both sexes use internal signals that whatever they have been doing is completed, and they are free to move on to something else. Self-satisfaction triggers some new motivation to keep us busy at satisfying ourselves. The sexes begin to differ here. Men work in spurts and find satisfaction in accomplishments. Women work continuously, and find satisfaction in continued dedication to their self-importance and self-defined missions in life. Consequently, men pay more specific attention to satisfaction than do women; in fact satisfaction governs a man’s life much as love governs a woman’s.

Compatible. Both sexes are born to be compatible with the opposite sex. Its more ability than guarantee for individuals, and it thus requires mutual effort and dedication.

If the sexes were only alike except for reproductive systems, humans would have made themselves extinct long ago. They wouldn’t be able to stand an opposite sex someone so much like them; too much likeness uncovers both excess boredom and keener competition. It’s our gender differences that make our lives compatible, enjoyable, successful, and worthy of replication.

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Filed under Culture & Politics, Dear daughter, old school, sex differences, Sociology 101, The mind

2096. Children are Self-developers

Children pass through four development phases. Parents do best when they purposely adjust their emotions, skills, strategies, and intentions accordingly.

INFANCY. Good infant development depends on calm and unconditional mother-love and smother-love. Mother takes excellent care and continually showers the infant with attention, affection, and appreciation. Plus, she tries to ensure the absence of personality harshness, shocking noises, and other disruptions that may not shock but are too much to program the child’s heart with calmness. You instinctively know all that, but did you know that self-esteem is ‘hard-wired’ in infancy? However well the infant is treated with superb care and adoration determines how well they value themselves throughout life.

The calmer and better the mother’s performance, the higher the self-esteem that develops in the infant’s subconscious mind. Father-love works best in infancy when it copies mother-love. Infancy ends when the toddler’s conscious mind opens in the third year and he or she becomes aware that they too are an individual person. In each child’s heart, their adventurous life turns to self-development. They wish for more out of life and girls hope and boys aim to produce much of it themselves.

THE ‘WEANS’ OF TODDLERHOOD Mother weans the child away from her constant attention, endless affection, and unconditional appreciation. The toddler is weaned away from dependence on mom toward the independence and adventure of first grade. Nurturing continues but smother-love fades away in favor of proactively demonstrating unconditional respect of boys and unconditional appreciation of girls.

The most significant event in toddlerhood is that a child’s self-development begins. They are confronted with parental support or objections, and the groundwork is laid for their becoming troublesome children or not. The ‘weans’ end when the child settles proudly into first grade, enabled to proceed to work on their own without mom’s oversight. Mom’s nurturing should end except for self-development eruptions and disappointments in the child’s heart or mind.

THE ‘TWEENS’ BEFORE PUBERTY Mom should give up what she does best and what keeps her happy and satisfied that she’s doing well. In the course of everyday events, mom’s nurturing should fade away except when needed to restore a child’s confidence, settle emotional turmoil, or smooth out other disruptions in the child’s self-development. As mother’s role weakens, father’s role becomes vital. Leadership supersedes nurturing. Mature adult examples outshine words. Children learn to admire and choose to aspire to become adults. Not for what parents do or have but for what the child envisions he or she can do as an adult after having observed models and options in parents.

The tweens are critical in this way. If children are enabled to self-develop, they seek to copy admirable adults. If they don’t aspire to duplicate mature adult examples, they look elsewhere for behavioral examples and immaturely seek to copy peers and celebrities. What and whom they copy determine their adult life.

THE TEENS — Nurturing has no business in the teens. It embarrasses children. They are adult-like in their minds and firmly planted in self-development. Mom’s nurturing and dad’s lectures may be heard but not heeded. Both nurturing and close supervision are out of place among teens because they envision themselves as adult-capable. (I remind to extend teen years to the age proven through cultural history and traditionally used. Adult maturity arrives closer to age 21 than any other year in life.)

Coaching works best. It shows respect for the child, recognizes their adult-capability, and reinforces a child’s ability to make good choices. When poor or bad choices are made, parental empathy helps develop maturity by signifying the teen is responsible. OTOH, parental sympathy helps develop immaturity by signifying that the teen may not be responsible. It’s the subtlety and indirectness of coaching that makes it more effective with teens.

To match the child development stages, parents can use these strategies. Infancy calls for great nurturing. The weans call for proactively showing respect for boys and appreciation and importance of girls. The tweens call for leadership by example by both parents with father’s being the most indirectly influential and mother’s the most directly influential. After puberty coaching works best.

In each stage, the over supervision of boys and the lack of appreciation of girls slow or harm their development.


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2031. Female Blessings at Birth — 40-42

I continue asking for your agreement/disagreement on the long list of blessings that women inherit at birth. This is the 14th group of three blessings, and I’m grateful for your earlier responses.

With each item, do you agree that you and other females inherit it at birth? Or, is it something you and others learn later in life? False means that the item is missing completely from your heart, it’s something you learned during life, or you just don’t think women are born that way.

You probably wonder or have forgotten, why have I compiled the list? I hope to close the gaps and shortcomings in this sequence of results that women seem to be achieving so poorly.

  • A woman’s happiness depends primarily on the gratefulness that accumulates in and shines outward from her heart.
  • Women can only be as grateful for others and things as they are individually grateful for who and what they are as a person, woman, wife, mother, girlfriend, granny, church-goer, encourager, Christian, Jew, American, Korean, employee, and on and on and on…. The key term being grateful for self, self-gratitude.
  • Women will or should be more grateful for themselves as individuals if they are aware of just how magnificently they have been designed, endowed, and energized to be the key players in life and compatible with themselves, others, and especially a lifetime mate.

Where I explain or add, I could be wrong. Feel free to challenge me. I’m not trying to be right, just searching for truth—as close as we can get it. I search for the blessings that contribute and encourage women to use their irresistible force to override the immovable object of male dominance.

These are the blessings for today.

40. From the earliest age it made perfect sense to me that men provide and protect their families. Thus, as the family faces the outside world, the man is the primary foundation upon which everyone depends. [Guy adds: Compared with the other (currently) 88 blessings, I am less sure that this one arrives with birth. However, it becomes evident so early in toddlerhood that it fits in as if it does.]

41. My fear of being abandoned has always energized me to promote the interest and seal an attachment with the man closest to me, first father followed by boyfriend and husband. [Guy adds: The female nature is designed, endowed, and hormonally driven to associate with others. Isolation scares the independence out of them, and they feel isolated not so much when they don’t have a man as they do at the loss of whatever man they ‘possess’. It brings to attention this generality about the sexes. Women fear loss of something, more than not earning it. Men fear not earning things more than they fear loss of the same things. When men are unable to earn—respect, money, dependence on their worth, self-admiration—it devastates their spirit. When they lose something, they know they can recover it through their inherent ability to earn whatever they choose.]

42. Even when I heard discouraging words in girlhood, I knew that I would do certain things of my own choosing, that someday I would be the primary facilitator (self-developer) to make my future become what I wanted. (Later, my girlhood dreams told me that it would depend on the choices I made, husband I chose, and relationship we developed with my relationship expertise.) [Guy adds: Children are born with the firm conviction that they intend to develop themselves. Boys don’t concern themselves with the HOW, they just do it. Girls seek more precision and comfort within themselves. Self-development starts in toddlerhood and continues for life. Admittedly both sexes exhibit it too immaturely for most parents to understand and many to refuse to accept. But the primal urge is there. Girls will seek advice and assistance; they want to have someone go along with them either in spirit or company. Their low guilt threshold makes them cautious. Boys seek to single-handedly figure out and overcome restrictions and obstructions. Choosing playmates is a major test bed, shaper, and refiner of self-development efforts, which is why it causes much grief for parents.]

Thank you for your opinion. More blessings to follow in a day or two.




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