Tag Archives: self-gratitude

2127. Mirror Time — Part V: Early Reveille


Women long for happiness. It has to be earned, which means it comes at a cost. I propose a simple but not easy change in daily routine.

The way you appear at an event sends a message of how respected and important others present are to you. Have you thought about breakfast? Getting others to school or work in the morning? Sending those messages in an indirect manner that pleases you even more than them?

It’s not likely. Instead of paying the fare to jump aboard, you start the day by throwing yourself under the happy bus. You rush tiredly out of bed and rush yourself into an over-used or unsightly robe. Hair a mess, you disregard your appearance and mumble about your problems. You rush to help others before you help yourself. Rush to help everybody else and their daily start up, disrupt breakfast routine with irritation or anger, and add pressure to everyone’s departure so they rush to escape you. Consequently, by just not finding satisfaction with yourself first, you do all the wrong things for self and others. If you escape with sanity intact, you feel guilty, droopy, and worse but definitely dissatisfied for the rest of the day.

All your energy wiped out by one simple miscalculation. You didn’t start your day by proving to yourself that you’re still pretty and in charge in spite of what’s happening in your life. You didn’t renew vows to yourself that you like who and what you are even if others don’t. If you don’t know how to renew those vows, stick around. Details follow.

A simple but not easy way exists to jump on rather than under the bus. Take the rush out of your life and replace it with calm, smiles, and obvious dedication to those you love. You need only take charge and put it into habitual practice. Turn simple pretty time into extended mirror time and do it before others arise. You’ll see the people around you appreciate you much more just by you appreciating yourself much more.

First thing and before anyone else arises, spend 30 minutes before your mirror exchanging thoughts with your reflected image aka best friend. You have to make four sacrifices. 1) Go to sleep earlier. 2) Dedicate yourself to convert boring dead time into productive time for your mind, heart, and dreams. 3) Find the multitude of ways that make you like who and what you are by producing various results that enhance your prettiness, appearance, confidence, belief in self, and determination. 4) Quit quitting when trying to drop an old and develop a new habit. (Such as quitting New Year’s resolution.)

You’ll be surprised how it enables you to improve upon the world in which you live from reveille to taps. If you can’t figure out how to produce those results, sit there for 30 minutes every day and you will soon figure it out. Boredom will eventually open your eyes, mind, and heart, if you don’t quit. You’ll see that blaming others does nothing more than relieve you of doing the right thing, of taking and keeping control over your life.

Reasons and excuses always exist for not helping yourself when you don’t deserve it in the first place. Blaming others or endless wishes compensate when you don’t help yourself first. However, if not already very happy, you probably have at least one side of your life still buried in the multiplex of misery—unwanted singleness, disappointment, unhappiness, abandonment, loneliness, isolation, hopelessness, despair, divorce, depression, husbandless, childless, dreariness, gloom, self-discipline, loss of child, discipline with kids, cheating mate, or prospects of doom in legal or economic arenas.

You chose where you are in life and got there by not making better choices to help yourself; you deserve what you have. Oh, you don’t deserve it? Well, take 30 minutes at the mirror and ask your reflected friend about that point. Are you accurately stating your case? (Also, read Path to Victory at blog top.)

I understand you’re discouraged at the thought of committing 30 minutes. You’ve gone quiet, but I can hear you, ladies. Mumbling and grumbling at the thought of taking so much time out of your busy day. You say, it’s unreal and you can’t do it. You can’t do without that last 30 minutes of sleep. You must tend your infant during that time of day. You don’t need 30 minutes to plan your day, your future, or even your whole life. And, on and on. You tell yourself you’re doing well enough, at least for now. But are you? Are you happy enough now with your importance to self, family, and date or mate? Your prettiness? Your daily appearance? How you look in church? At work? On dates? Start your day at the mirror and you’ll take the rush out of your life and that of family members.

The 30 minutes is about planning your life while painting the barn and looking for ways to improve your prettiness. It’s about using your imagination to analyze your situations, exploit your self-gratitude, and upgrade your day and future to first exit the multiplex of misery and then refine your life into your girlhood hopes and dreams. Millions of dollars won’t do that for you. Neither will face lifts, liposuction, analysis, breast implants, or wrinkle removers. It’s in your heart to do it, if your mind will only enable it.

If self-gratitude, self-importance, and respect for others isn’t resurrected in your heart by using your mind, then your happiness will not develop as you wish. Happiness has to be earned out of gratitude, and it starts best at the mirror. As you take greater charge of your life each day, self-importance and respect for others also grows and puts you on the entry ramp to a great day for yourself.

Why 30 minutes? To provide enough time for your inborn female nature to energize itself into multi-tasking. You can’t just sit there and do nothing. Your mind will take advantage of the boredom that inevitably sets in when you run out of ideas for improving your prettiness and appearance—aka pleasing yourself first. Thirty minutes allows for emotional motivators to come awake in your heart. Emotions that move you to action such as shame, guilt, sorrow, competition, grief, anxiety, gratefulness, cooperation, prettiness, duty, debt, love, and hunger for importance and appreciation. Plus, internal values that need frequent reinforcement or recovery because they shape your mental health such as self-love, self-esteem, self-interest, self-image, self-gratitude, and expanded belief in yourself. Those and other blessings are available and usable through self-talk with your reflected image. Use the committed 30 minutes plus your mind to energize your curiosity and imagination in search of making your life more important to yourself and those around you and at the same time look more appealing. Thirty minutes without interruption about improving your prettiness, appearance, and life will work wonders to improve the various attitudes that flow from your heart.

Serendipity. You finish mirror time feeling GREAT about yourself. It’s the strongest possible foundation for facing life with confidence, patience, and understanding. Why? Because you grace yourself with qualities fed by your prettiness with inner peace left over. The ultimate expression of power is forgiveness. When you ignore the little and forgive the big things—and especially forgive yourself—harmony floods your home. When you as single woman or mom isolate yourself at the mirror each morning, you earn the ability to switch the world ON to make things go your way. With kindness ignited by belief in yourself, can your forgiving spirit be far behind? With kindness and forgiveness renewed in your heart, it makes both personal and family harmony easier and more permanent.

We all do what makes us feel good about ourselves. I propose that women isolate themselves for 30 minutes upon arising in the morning. They have the talent and skills but need to use them more productively to calm the waters of their high pressure, super-rushed lives.

——

P.S. So, you can’t do 30 minutes? Impossible, you say. Okay. The number is not as important as your dedication to yourself and commitment to neither change whatever minutes you choose nor quit the daily routine. But anything less than 20 minutes will likely sink your ship before you start. Without the boredom that will set in, your mind, heart, and spirit will stay focused on escaping the problems of life rather than producing improvements for a better life. In that case, you will find little or nothing to reward you for sticking to your time commitment, and you will soon quit.

G.

 

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2095. RANDOM THOUGHTS—Group 96


  • Women have pretty much convinced everyone that men are the primary culprits for mucking up relationships. Women are experts on managing relationships but men are not, so even equal blame may not be appropriate.
  • Infatuation is a powerful inducement to do wrong by letting feelings override a woman’s thinking. The infatuated girl or woman too easily disregards or fails to exploit the character shaping and guidance provided by God, modesty, vanity, morality, and the rest of her female nature.
  • Women do not have to embrace the feminist ideology to embrace feminist values. For example, modern women expect or sanction teen sexual activity to attract masculine attention. They let or teach daughters to dress like hookers, show cleavage to match plumber backside exposure, and dress erotically. Boys and men learn to insist on more and more, and females of every age acquiesce. Nowadays, boys exploit girls as friends with benefits. Men grow older eyeballing more and more exposed skin and dreaming wishfully or wistfully about going from older bloom to younger blossom. Compatibility decays further under social pressure to cheat rather than respect one’s mate. [131
  • A connected difference exists and women ignore or miss this point of nature today. Women hug a man to be held. Men hug a woman to kiss or more. Thus, the common practice of everyone hugging everyone confirms the woman’s importance at each man’s expense—he’s challenged. He may feel awkward with self-restraint or thrilled with the feel of the female body.
  • Why don’t women like to be approached or hit on by strange men? They don’t know how to react successfully because they lack self-confidence that arises out of self-respect that arises out of self-gratitude. IOW, they are not grateful for themselves and don’t like to be reminded of what they don’t deserve.
  • Females inherit typical female convictions, motivations, and qualities at birth in many combinations and variations. Each woman is born unique, and men have an endless variety of women in which to find virtue and from which to choose a virtuous mate. IOW, women are born to be virtuous as men define it, and men determine virtue by the unique female qualities they see in each woman. It means that each woman competes against women for virtuous uniqueness in order to have more options to pick and choose the best man for her.
  • Success in marriage depends basically on two factors. 1) She depends on what he does, his actions. On what he does to, for, and about her, which she perceives with her secondary sensor, her eyes. 2) He depends on her words. On what, how, and why she says to, for, and about him, which he perceives with his secondary sensor, his ears. It means success in marriage requires both sexes to pay less attention to their primary sensors. What she hears and what he sees are not the major determinants.

 

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2089. “Darling”— It’s Time for a Comeback


My self-gratitude articles stress that women lack gratefulness for themselves. Recently a lady reminded me of something Her Majesty Grace emphasized for years. Women do not receive the attention, recognition, and compliments they routinely expect or deserve from men that showers friendliness on everyday situations.

We need to re-initiate a customary practice that used to do exactly that, albeit indirectly. Men should tromp on political correctness and restore routinely the use of generic pet names when dealing with women. Such as these: honey, sweetie, darling, sweetheart, sweetie pie, sugar, and a few others that don’t come immediately to mind. I’m not talking about hitting on them but sprinkling everyday speech routinely with affectionate honors.

For example: Good morning, darling (to a friend). Or: Thank you, sweetheart, I appreciate you saving me on that point. Or: Hey, honey, I saw you dancing last night. You looked great. And, darling, that dress was a wowser. Or: Hey, sweetie, haven’t seen you for a month. Let’s grab a coffee. Or, Sweetie pie, you deserve a treat. Let’s you and grandpa just go get some ice cream. Or: Sugar, you fed me like a sweetheart should. Just like mom used to. If you weren’t married, I’d sweep you off your feet and marry you in a heartbeat.

When done sincerely and without ulterior motive, it automatically adds friendliness to a situation.

Looking back to earlier years, I well remember that I felt good using such friendly terms. I’ve done it a few times recently and felt the same way, good about myself passing on some special attention and perhaps light-hearted affection. (Being PC, I suspect it’s much more easily acceptable to women since I am so old relative to them.)

I have resurrected the practice for me. So, ladies, if I call you darling or sweetie take it as the pleasant friendliness intended. I will easily flip those complimentary terms around without thinking. Just a new habit. If you don’t appreciate such attention, just let me know and I’ll exclude you.

Farewell for now, you sweeties of every kind. It’s great chatting at you. I shall not bore you with what I threw out, namely a thousand words of old and new school history to justify my decision.

 

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2087. Female Blessings at Birth — 88-90 Plus


We near the end of the blessings that women carry but may not use. The new project seeds are bolded at the end of each item. I cite her blessings as men might see them and add a man’s natural response.

Your comments help and I continue to seek your T or F on each.

88. I’m grateful for the ability but I wish I understood better my own nature for earning happiness. [Guy adds: Specifically, she lacks understanding of the link between her motivation to earn and sustain self-importance and the requirement for self-gratitude that unlocks the door to earning happiness. More of one inflates the other, and more of both enhances her personality and roles in life. She is as good a person as both of them are high and it happens this way. She is important to herself to the extent that she confirms her gratitude for others. Gratefulness for others bounces back to her that she is important to them. Her life revolves around this closed loop: Self-importance comes from finding gratitude in her heart for others, which makes her display gratefulness for them, which they transform into feedback of her importance to them, and which closes the loop with her having a greater sense of self-importance. Thus, she depends on self-importance and self-gratitude to calm jittery nerves, squelch undeserved guilt, and convert anxiety to encouragement in others, which paves the road to her happiness. While she needs stimulation from outside herself, she is self-contained for processing life to the fullest for her and hers, but it all comes from keeping self-importance and self-gratitude inflated. The closed loop also describes the essence of femininity in action. Her blessing: She learns how to earn her way to happiness by finding gratitude in people and things. His admiration: It takes a wonderful and influential person to find so much to be grateful for in the face of all that men have to face. How can she do it. She’s amazing.]

89. Just as I am sex object to males, they are romance objects to me. [Guy adds: Life becomes simpler just by acknowledging that fact. Her blessing: She knows what she’s after and doesn’t mind being targeted to get it. His admiration: She has wily ways of using the former to get the latter.

90. My sense of neatness makes me feel good about myself. I use it to enhance my prettiness. [Guy adds: Along with modesty and vanity, neatness is a major ‘weapon’ in the female ‘arsenal’ for battling men. Her blessing: Neatness adds to her attractiveness and mental strength. His admiration: Neatness symbolizes dedication to herself. It shows that she has self-respect, self-discipline, and determination not to be easily pawed upon.

As before, mark each item T or F with whatever comment you wish to add.

 

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2080. The Battle over House Work — Part III: How She Wins


This is a dynamite cocktail that should cause a big noise. Women find more and better ingredients for earning happiness when they do daily housework without involving their mate. I may never prove it to you but the following proves it to me (and I never thought it possible until first draft of this series.)

Recall from part I: She’s born to be happy; he’s born to be satisfied. She’s motivated to improve her self-importance and needs confirmation from others to spread her gratefulness and thus earn—not receive or find—happiness. He’s motivated to seek self-admiration and basically needs little confirmation to find satisfaction.

Recall from part II: When she thinks like a man and rewards herself for satisfaction, it pits her against him. They compete. She becomes jealous of his beating her because satisfaction is not the governor of the female heart and he so easily trumps her in that realm. When she pursues happiness instead of satisfaction as her daily goal, they become more compatible.

——

He’s simple and not much concerned with happiness. If he’s satisfied with himself, he’s relatively happy. His pursuits stop with satisfaction. Since a satisfied need no longer motivates, he reaches for something else at the end of an accomplishment or workday. His duty day ends long before bedtime.

Being more processor than producer by nature, her satisfaction comes from the little things she achieves. Example: Love never ends but kisses do. Shopping never ends but the last trip did. Nesting never ends but housekeeping ends at bedtime. Relationship management never ends except when sleep comes. Each little thing satisfies her—kisses, packages, dishes washed, she pleases someone.

She’s quite opposite and far more complex. Satisfaction is but a stepping stone rather than an achievement. However, it feeds gratefulness to herself for herself. Grateful that she’s capable and motivated to nest to her satisfaction and appreciation of hubby. Moreover, self-gratitude happens to be the entry toll for the highway to happiness.

Satisfaction from the dozens of little things each day make her grateful for herself. She can and did do those things, which adds to her sense of self-importance, which adds to her sense of self-gratitude, which enables her to be grateful for others and things, which places her on the endless highway to happiness.

What’s the nature of the relationship management beast that’s born when wife determines that husband should help with housekeeping?

  • She thinks in terms of equality, which is never achievable and she won’t like it when he makes nesting decisions that override hers.
  • She feels less important because he won’t agree or stir from his dominant convictions.
  • She takes on the role of competitor with assertiveness and eventually aggressiveness.
  • She blames him for her tiredness but he has no connection with that and doesn’t feel guilty.
  • She imposes guilt, which men reject or dispose of quickly from a competitor.
  • She becomes jealous of his inactivity, comfort, or diversions. Other things about him become wrong or intolerable. Tiny red flags creep into her psyche.
  • She envies his complacency about household things. Mistaking complacency for disinterest, anxiety mounts and she starts losing interest in keeping house and dedication to him.
  • She squelches her spirit of joy. It dissipates behind new expectations of not losing whatever arguments she has started.
  • She sets lose the beast of declining mutual respect, wherein she’s the biggest loser because his love is based on respect but hers is not.

So, what are the benefits when she takes full responsibility for housework and leaves him to his satisfying R&R? The benefits don’t accrue until she teaches herself to maximize her natural qualities designed to generate compatibility out of sex differences.

By not becoming jealous, envious, or anxious about hubby’s recovery habits, she enables herself to stay in tune with the positive side of her nature. Her worry can shift to future goals and not be entangled with his lounging, careless or carefree attitude. Her attitude can become more affirming of those around her. She can become more grateful for herself because of the peace and harmony she’s able to cultivate. Her spirit of joy can soar, which releases her to manage relationships from the highest possible position in life.

In short, she’s better able to put the full force of her nature into the nesting process—both relationship management and housekeeping. The former with feelings and the latter with labor. But the labor is not labor as commonly thought of. Repetition frees up her multitasking mind to address and solve issues, plan her immediate future, and simultaneously breathe a calming spirit into her home as things happen while she cleans.

She rules best who does the rest. It’s the pleasantness of mom’s nesting habits that kids carry into adulthood as her most endearing quality. The greatest love of mom—especially by men—arises out her strength of character and willingness to insist that everyone obey her rules within a never-in-doubt delivery of respect, trust, and affection. Contrary to what girls love to think, love does not cure all, and especially not cure men of habits misplaced in time and place.

By not taking offense at husband’s R&R habits, she enables herself to exemplify the goodness of woman. It frees her to more easily cultivate hubby to help when she needs it. For example:

  • She feels no guilt to ask him to help on tasks for which she has too little aptitude or strength. She can more easily detect tension and know how to convince him with gentleness and charm, which adds to her unique value within him.
  • She can pleasantly expect and patiently await his learning that certain things are his responsibility. When he accepts something as his duty, she has won from him also the sense that she’s worth it. Examples: 1) Men, not ladies, haul the trash. 2) Her duty is to clear and clean the floor. His duty is to deal with—other than back on the floor—whatever she picks up and places on his side of the bed or in his favorite chair but never spitefully. 3) If her commandment is a place for everything and everything in its place, and she lives by that code, then the family is easily taught that mom’s word is law and everyone falls in line. Husband included. It’s a technique right out of an imagined dominance handbook.
  • Free to dominate nesting routines, she can pleasantly expect that he live up to her standards. Examples: Make it habitual to lower both lid and seat when finished in the bathroom; light a candle before leaving a stinky bathroom; help clean up after she supports entertaining his associates.

I surprised myself with this article. I fell for the pop culture spirit that expands male dominance. It previously seemed fair to harangue hubby for dodging housework.

Now I object based on the strength, patience, and other qualities embedded in each female at birth. Girlhood hopes and dreams boil down to this as the predominant objective. A happy life with a loveable and loving husband, loveable and loving children, and sailing together into the sunset of their lives in total harmony.

Of course such dreams require a lot of work. Not strange to me, but women have every quality to make it work in a two-step process. First, they find and develop ways to be grateful for themselves each and every day. Second, they find and develop the habit to respect, trust, show affection, and show gratefulness to those around them. If others don’t deserve that out of her, she isn’t following her heart but her propagandized conscious mind.

 

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2069. Female Blessings at Birth — 70-72


We continue the vital list of blessings that women inherit. This is the 24th installment and I’m grateful for your responses. Especially those that signify your agreement or disagreement, T or F.

70. From my earliest days, the mirror has been my friend. I am grateful that mirror time opens my heart to focus outside myself. Whether appreciated or not by others, the mirror confirms my importance in my roles if not my performance in life. [Guy adds: I still owe you a rewrite about mirror use and it’s super value to ladies.]

71. I am grateful just to recognize that loneliness comes from lack of feedback of my importance to others. (I’ve learned that just as action cures fear, new or different actions of mine help cure my loneliness.) [Guy adds: Words don’t program the heart but actions (and emotionally imagined outcomes) do. Different and winning actions reprogram it from old habits.]

72. Vanity has been with me since my earliest mirror time. I am grateful that my expressions of vanity lift my spirits and prepare me to tackle anything with much less anxiety. [Guy adds: Vanity eases or solves so many female problems at the mirror. It confirms self-esteem and dignity. Enhances prettiness, self-image, self-confidence, and self-gratitude. If she doesn’t like herself and/or doesn’t like the mirror, she’s doing everything wrong. The more she can’t handle mirror feedback, the more desperate she becomes for feedback from others, which is the root of wanting to desperately to be liked by both women and men.]

Example for your response: “72-F ” works okay to reflect your opinion of false to that one item. Also, comments are welcome and desired, especially if you take exception to anything.

 

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 2068. Female Blessings at Birth — 67-69


We return to the vital list of blessings that women inherit. This is the 23rd installment and I’m grateful for your responses. Especially those that signify your agreement or disagreement, T or F.

67. I find gratefulness in all that I do for myself up to but not including selfishness. That’s not part of me but I have to remind myself frequently. [Guy adds: Temptation and low self-respect are the roots of selfishness. Envy and jealousy brought on by low self-esteem compound it.]

68. I am grateful for myself when my loved ones follow my lead to do good. [Guy adds: She’s born to be good and is naturally energized to do good. Men are born to do good but must be energized by the women in their lives.]

69. I am grateful that I know to keep my virgin status and sexual history unknown by everyone else. It’s no one’s business but mine. If known by others, I will or can be judged harshly or worse by both men and women. [Guy adds: It’s one of her earliest sensibilities but too easily mocked or shamed by people in her life.]

Example for your response: “69-F ” works okay to reflect your opinion of false to that one item. Also, comments are welcome and desired, especially if you take exception to anything.

 

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