Tag Archives: single women

1773. Sex Difference Redux — Part 27: Love X (w/ Kathy Petersen)


Improving the Underdeveloped Male Heart

My writing partner on this subseries suggested this post about what women can do when they run into or end up with a man with an underdeveloped heart. That is, a boy raised by an overly loving but unlovable mother. He displays several or most of these symptoms and perhaps some or many other traits disliked by females:

  • He consistently appears selfish, extreme self-centered and/or narcissistic.
  • He frequently displays an impatient, angry, ill-tempered, and perhaps explosive character.
  • He commits with words easy to escape from; he won’t devote to someone else with any but the simplest actions.
  • He expects recognition and rewards for inconsequential achievements.
  • He demands to be respected when he doesn’t get his way.
  • He repeatedly reveals a weak sense of personal responsibility.
  • He has pulled emotionally away from his childhood family, especially his mother.
  • Unable to socialize well, he withdraws further when pressure mounts for togetherness or extensive socializing with other than old buddies.

Teen girls are first to encounter such a guy. Unless they find infatuation at first sight, they spotlight his unattractive character. They show signs they don’t approve of him as a person, much less as a potential boyfriend. It confirms his sense of unworthiness, which prevents further heart-development. Girls help a little when they treat him just as they treat mainstream boys. The more open, friendly, and admiring girls are to him, the more likely his heart-development will continue to improve. [My series Boot Camp for Girls in the CONTENTS page offers many other techniques and practices for girls that help in their process of taming boys for domestic life.]

Single women are not so quickly turned off by a man sporting an underdeveloped heart. They have a hope and a belief. They hope for marriage and believe they can change for the good whomever they marry. However, both the hope and belief are wrapped by sex. Withholding of premarital sex promotes a lasting marriage and enables a woman to lay the foundation for changing her husband. Unwrapping sex by uncrossing her legs to the underdeveloped heart makes the guy see that he’s adequate if not perfect, good enough for her, and he sees no need to change or otherwise please her further. Thus, the promise she holds as his wife weakens and her belief she can change him disappears without her being aware of it.

Wives have greater hope, ability, and time to reinforce their belief they can change husband for the good. She starts by ignoring each and every one of his underdeveloped heart faults. She married for better or worse, and it positions her to coach him into adopting habits of her choosing. It’s all a matter of indirectness, affirmation, and seed planting. Only wife can figure out how to improve him, but she can only do it if she avoids things that turn off husbands. She does best who capitalizes on ways that favor the male psyche:

  • She finds ways to convert her negative feelings about his actions into some kind of affirmation of him, her, or them. Men want to please their woman, but they don’t know when, what, why, and how something works. So, not understanding the full picture, they tend to not try.
  • She doesn’t complain about him for anything. She doesn’t accuse. Instead, she smiles and swallows the pain in hope of brighter days ahead.
  • She doesn’t explain herself. If she longs for something, she explains as little as possible and leaves him to digest her disappointment if he fails to do his part. If accused, she smiles and swallows the pain in hope of brighter days ahead.
  • She learns to distinguish what he considers his duty from other accomplishments. She recognizes with a smile his fulfilling of duty. She finds a reward, however insignificant, for those things he considers an accomplishment. For example, a duty may be mowing the lawn. He deserves a reward for his having her car serviced at low cost or washed unexpectedly for her, perhaps a just-baked brownie snack wrapped in her charming smiles. (His learning by actions what pleases her is far better than her telling him.)

Modern women have been indoctrinated to believe they shouldn’t be so acquiescent to husband’s faults and unappealing behaviors. It’s a good reason behind so many divorces. Women are the relationship experts; marital success depends on them, whether they can acknowledge or stand for it.

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1538. Friendly Reminders — #21


Assertiveness to prevent being taken advantage of signifies her independence and compliments a single woman. Presented with feminine charm, such assertiveness has more bonding power than sex, because it earns respect that sex does not.

Dates, girlfriends, lovers, live ins, fiancés, and wives advertise their man’s wussiness by appearing in public as careless, sloppy, frumpy chic eyesores, or as poster girls for garage sales. If she can’t look any better, then her man’s not much of a man—or so other men think.

If single women don’t draw manly attentions and compliments with their daily and every public appearance, no wonder they wait so long between dates.

Why do girls and women dress up for dates, especially first dates? Make a good impression? Feel better about themselves? Capitalize on a chance to capture a man? Be appreciated for what they can be rather than what they are? All of the above makes women more complex. Men appreciate looking at a pretty woman. On a date, she’s his for all his competitors to see. If he feels greater about how other men view his success than about her personally, she can look forward to no phone call or wham bam, thank you ma’am.  

Old school values promote maturity before sex, the feminine way. Moderns go for sex before maturity, the masculine way.

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779. Respectable Respect — Part A


Emerson said “The world turns on hope,” which speaks to what motivates people, what makes them run. However, respect determines how well the world turns, how effectively social intercourse satisfies those involved, which speaks to what people get out of life among other people.

  • In the world of couples, setting sex aside for the moment, she has to show him respect before he’ll have respect for her. It’s not her, it’s his nature.
  • A woman doesn’t like herself very much until she pays the price of fixing herself up to meet her own expectations as the standard. Without doing so, she reflects a lack of self-respect.
  • Fix up makes her prettier, which builds self-respect. More mirror-time generates more prettiness and more self-respect, and neither can be too much for men.
  • More self-respect means she’s more easily loved by a man, because his love is founded on respect for her.
  • If wife will not shine herself up in the a.m., she shouldn’t expect husband to be eager to see her in the p.m.

A woman’s self-respect declines or dies if she doesn’t have standards and live up to them. Without practice doing it in girlhood, singles and married women have trouble accepting men and living with a man. It’s not so much the guys as her weakness in self-discipline trained to override her emotions.

More bullets tomorrow.

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640. Sex differences explain men — Chap. 34


  • Men fear rejection on initial encounters, but they get over it. Women take rejection much harder and recovery is especially difficult if she thinks a relationship has started.

 

  • Husband takes wife for granted, when she displays the independence that men commonly show. He sees her doing well if his attention is not required. Her self-confidence and complaint-free attitude thus work against her. She takes him for granted when she focuses her efforts on the kids or her career.

 

  • As men see it, single women display themselves according to the value they place on their sexual assets. Advertising and sloppy and unattractive appearance means low cost for sex. Attractive neatness and highly modest appearance translates as high cost. As women see it, they value their sexual assets as reward for a guy’s love. Ironically, after capturing boyfriend or husband, they downgrade their appearance, which reduces value of their sexual assets, which downgrades sex for imaginative rewards, which weakens his interest.

 

  • Men respond more to thinking than feelings and don’t like to think that they change. They are also more reluctant to divulge what lies in their heart. Women respond more to feelings, disclose them more readily, and change them more easily.

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630. Favored Quotes — Collection 1


I like many things that you ladies write. I’ve selected and slightly edited for clarity a few that I particularly like:

  • I have turned heads, but I really want to turn hearts…. (Easybreezy at 550)

 

  • [Millions of] wusses are the products of crappy parents. Men without chests. Manchildren. Just because they have jobs doesn’t mean that they are productive members of society. They weren’t told “no” enough times as children. Their parents made them the center of the family instead of the marriage being the focus. (My emphasis added to Dogsandfitness at 577)

 

  • [S]ingle or not, women need someone to care for to be fulfilled. Caring for others domesticates women. (Princess Rita at 589.)

 

  • Our ancestors got it right when it came to how men and women should relate to one another. They accepted and glorified each others’ differences. (From dogsandfitness at 591)

 

  • My wardrobe is only dresses and skirts and this hot summer I’ve added some lovely big very feminine straw hats and gloves as well to church. The response has been universally very positive…. There is something about a nice hat that adds great dignity to a woman or a man. In just the few weeks I’ve worn hats daily has convinced me that our culture is hungry for glamour and beauty that seems to have gone with the wind. … Our souls long for beauty and grace, and if a few brave men and women don a hat, that’s a great start. (My emphasis added to Carmen at 625)

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589. Dark Side of Feminism — Part 24


Feminism’s theoretical, political, and economic pressures seduce women into thinking the worst about male nature while asserting or assuming female near-perfection.

♦       It hardens the female heart against the male gender and fools it about females. How does that brighten the future for the individual female trying to convince one man that she knows best about their relationship?

♦       Feminism inspires women to compete with men at all levels and times. Competition may work outside the home but not within where her hopes and dreams come alive.  

♦       Feminist pressures program females to expect that tween boys should civilize themselves, teen boys should behave themselves, bachelors should tame themselves, and husbands should domesticate themselves. Women conclude that males should behave as females do and do what’s right according to female values, standards, and expectations.

♦       Feminism ignores the true, dominant, but indirect power of females and their various roles. Mothers nurture infants and indoctrinate toddlers with right and wrong. With mom in lead role, parents teach tweens to use obedience to their advantage. Teen girls use adolescent tactics to teach boys about adult female expectations. Single women shape unmarried social scenes. Wives domesticate husbands. Those are powers our foremothers developed by exploiting the Judeo-Christian culture that men produced to help fulfill female hopes and dreams. Our forefathers knew the best for women and children was also best for them.

The reality today: Relative morality supersedes right and wrong as measure of social justice. Men are not inclined to capitalize on the virtue of obedience and consequent self-discipline. Teen girls are not only dominated but exploited by teen boys, and girls do nothing different. Single women shape the unmarried scene with sexual freedom that threatens all marriages. Husbands are not deeply dedicated to family responsibility. It’s all the legacy of Feminism.

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510. Virtual Virginity #22


Uncommitted single women float around in the social atmosphere ill prepared to succeed dealing with men:

¸ Some want a man so badly, they’ll do anything. They use sex as attraction and have no other game plan. They hook up with hope, only to later hear each guy’s “Nope.”

¸ Others want a man, but they’re uncertain, cautious, and either have no values and standards or don’t live by those they do have. Their game plan has holes in it. Men pounce on each weakness. The holes kill holding power and make easier his escape to the next trophy.

¸ Still others elevate their masculine-style sexual freedom above having one man. They have the wrong game plan, if they expect to hold a man for very long.

The same answer helps all three groups. Virtual virginity doesn’t foolproof the game, but it focuses a couple on themselves instead of sex and the future rather than the present. Both prospects interest a man, and that’s holding power.

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238. From feminine mystique to feminist mistakes — Part 3


        Patriarchy is natural. Throughout history no matriarchy ever arose, but our American foremothers came closest. Our forebears converted and integrated immigrant patriarchies into a female-friendly, family-centered society.

Our Judeo-Christian value system empowered husbands to dominate workplace and society and enabled wives to dominate home and culture. This empowered our foremothers to promote manly significance and indirectly shape the future without violating the natural dominance of men.

Single men were minor players in cultural development, because most men married or sought marriage. Single women adopted, upheld, and even uplifted the virtues of Womanhood as spreader of all that is good.

Husbands fulfilled wifely expectations for a more civilized life. They tamed Nature, built wealth, managed single male excesses, observed rule of law, customized family-friendliness, and brightened the future for children.

Our American foremothers knew themselves and the male nature; they honored and exploited both. They pursued separate but equal genders.

Generation after generation made the USA more female-friendly. More law and order, security, generosity, compassion, wealth accumulation. Less male aggression, abuse, violence. Greater individual responsibility for family, fathering, husbanding.     

Women harnessed masculine energies to favor female-friendly and family-centered life. Without such wifely leadership, men don’t settle down to help women fulfill female hopes and dreams. As women go, so goes society.

Our foremothers never let up. Mothers tamed boys, girls civilized teen boys, and wives domesticated husbands. And that’s missing today.

[More on old school America appears in posts 218 and 204 below. Scroll down or search by the number with dot and space following it.]

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