I interrupt my planned sequence to inject a political comment. We need to teach more and mutual respect as the hinge pin for raising better children. As long as the political class promotes diversity and differences, the mutual respect of commonality dissipates and fades.
As women go, so goes society. But it only trends toward female friendliness when mutual respect rates higher than mutual love as the primary glue secreted by women between individuals. Without mutual respect between both individuals and the sexes, then society goes as men go.
It’s that way today as female friendliness fades away. Because: 1) Women blame men for relationship ailments, which makes them expect masculine respect without respecting men, which leaves women in self-defeat by inaction and lack of initiative. 2) Initiating displays of respect to someone invites if not earns their respect, and the showing of trust is the most believable form. 3) Modern men distrust modern women, which reverses historical experience, and so men are not inclined to initiate anything except joyfully ride the pony of female sexual freedom.
Today, women don’t initiate to lead indirectly and so men lead more dynamically. If women expect different outcomes, they should initiate the showing of respect to men and their gender. Men won’t initiate it. Just showing more respect than they receive weakens their competitive alignment with men and gender dominance with women. They can be blamed all day, but self-interest prevails over the interest of others.
More intersex and intra-gender respect is essential to enable women to once again shape and maintain the cultural values, standards, and expectations that guide people in a female-friendly society.
Historically, wives dominated cultural values. Today, single men dominate, subordinate, and subject women and children to immoral and even porn objectification. Husbands—the most valuable of men—go along to get along pretty much outside the shaping of public interest. The half-century changeover originated with the death of social and domestic conditions that prevailed before the 1960s.
Old school: Women respected men more than the female gender; men respected women more than the male gender. Men sought a dependable wife to provide home and castle and brighten their work and life; women sought a responsible mate to brighten their future. Almost everybody wanted those blessings. Single life was undesired and avoidable because mutual respect for the opposite gender bred trust between the sexes. Trust enhanced individual respect, which expanded a husband’s willingness and ability to love one woman, which bred mutual respect and encouragement, which attracted and taught wives that respect trumps love for the keeping of a husband.
Society settled smoothly into mutual exchange of power and influence. Husbands dominated workplace and society. Wives dominated home and cultural values, standards, and expectations for their mutually anticipated brighter future.
IOW men and women were not at war. Mutual respect bonded them in peace and the raising of children who matured into respectable and respecting adults seeking to find mutuality with a mate. Mother-love earned mutual respect that raised good children. Wife’s respect earned husband’s love that kept fathers at home.
If we can restore the teaching of, high regard for, and expectation of mutual respect among younger generations, then we may be able to reverse the male dominance that trends out of control today. It will take several or many generations, but the first change agents may already have been born.
I leave you with two operational definitions that I use.
Respect — A feeling or attitude of admiration and deference toward somebody or something; the state of being admired deferentially. To those dictionary words, I would add being appreciated and trusted; recognized as an authority on some or many subjects; looked up to as source of wisdom, guidance, dependence, help, responsibility, mental stimulation, and perhaps mental nourishment.
Disrespect — Not appreciated as a person, man or woman, or for the various roles they fill in life. No interest in their opinions. They deserve to be ignored, challenged in front of others, made to look bad, or their opinions differ. Or, they can’t pleasantly reciprocate love or respect.