Tag Archives: success

2282. My Mistake about a Man’s Love: Recovery I


Post 2266 described the essentials of masculine love as it begins at birth before sexual interest and sexual ability develop. I described it wrapped in simplicity this way. a) He finds her likeable and wants to be with her. b) For insurance against competitors, he makes himself loyal to her. She sees that as his being in love, but it’s not quite. c) He convinces himself that she finds him extremely likeable. d) He confirms to himself that she’s loyal to him exclusively. e) He gently slips into the role of being devoted to her, which is the version of his love that she needs before accepting his proposal.

However, I also wrote, “I bypass the consequences of conquest as it may or may not affect the following.” Then, I was diverted and promptly forgot to finish the job. I offer this more complete series as recovery.

I choose to start over and summarize both the characteristics and essentials for successful sexual involvement in masculine love. I cover it in six phases: birth, boyhood, puberty, before conquest, after conquest, and after marriage.

BIRTH brings forth the ‘four-leg’ foundation required for a man’s love to be sufficiently rewarding that he bonds with someone. That foundation—mutual likeability and mutual loyalty—is required throughout life for manly bonding with others.

Of course the definition of likeability spreads and impacts every interpersonal factor between two people. More later about how both sexes benefit.

BOYHOOD brings forth the ‘four-leg’ foundation but in reverse. Parents through both actions and words convince sons that they are very likeable and that parents are loyal to boyhood interests. Sons respond by finding parents equally likeable and aim their loyalty toward parents more than someone else. Thus, a boy’s ability to love and the intensity of it develops to the extent that parental actions primarily and words secondarily confirm son’s likeability. (Girls seem to regard words as more affirming but they are sensitive to actions contrary to words.)

PUBERTY brings forth the reversal of a boy’s bonding sequence. In a months-long conversion of intentions, boys swing away from bonding as done in childhood. Developing rapidly and changing hormonally, they become far more independent and somewhat skilled at interpreting and shaping human relations to match their taste and intention. Claiming greater independence, they shift to bonding with whomever they find likeable and to whom they can be loyal. When ‘whomever’ reciprocates likeability and loyalty, newly bonded friends spread their wings and share feedback  with whatever arrangement they can develop through ever riskier adventures that bring both success and failure. They self-teach by taking advantage of girls without letting the girls know they are learning from the girls. (As girls go, so goes teen life and so goes society when they become adults.)

Simultaneously, the hunter-conqueror role develops and gains ever more importance throughout the teen years. The maturing boy becomes fascinated with sex and mission oriented toward conquests. He spreads his wings and interests to discover how to conquer girls. Through success and failure he develops a skill level that impacts his self-respect for later life.

Before conquest, after conquest, and after marriage follow at 2283 next.

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297. Newlywed Bonding #8 — Evil incardnate


Rely on the card and then fail hard. Success at handling money tightly bonds a couple. Failure splits them even faster.

♂$♀  Adolescent decisions can kill good decision-making efforts. For example, newlyweds can’t spend their way into the middle class lifestyle their parents provided for them. Neither can they keep up with peers still living with parents. Try either and couples turn their lifestyle over to creditors.

♂$♀  Outrageous credit card interest rates and debt drag down anyone’s lifestyle. So, wiping out credit card interest payment is the fastest way to move a couple’s lifestyle upward—except for more income, of course.

♂$♀  Dealing with credit cards, good intentions are not nearly enough, not nearly enough, not nearly enough. Determination, firm plans, and loyalty to each other and their budgeting process are required. Both minds must be convinced that credit card interest payments are the financial equivalent of bringing home STDs.

♂$♀  Only one way out: Every couple should stop immediately charging on credit cards except as they set aside the money to pay it off with the next billing. Develop a system of tracking and the habit of paying cards off each month. Promise and deliver on the promise to never incur credit card interest payments, once current debt is paid off.

Empty promises deliver empty nests.

The next post facto is “Plan Ahead” at post 301.

[More about newlyweds appears at posts 261, 257, 254, 247, 242, 230 and 224. Scroll down or search by number with dot and space following it.]

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255. Female Fortitude—71 through 75


These ‘fortitudinals’ provide special themes or summaries. Numbers match the posts.

71.      Feminism promotes ‘get in his face’ as the way to protect a woman’s interests. This nullifies her natural strengths for shaping a man’s behavior.

72.      Men don’t voluntarily abandon the hormonal urge of being a man. But they enlarge their persona when coached to do so by one woman. Since improvement requires a man to change, respect is her key to the operating room, submissiveness her surgical instrument.

73.      He can’t be successful to himself, if others see him weakened by his wife. His competitors are outside the home, not inside.

74.      The sexual pleasures for a woman are far outweighed by the other things she needs for a happy life. Men for the most part let sex substitute for whatever else is missing.

75.      When she makes herself worthy of a man by easily or readily providing sex, it doesn’t matter much if she’s pretty and attractive. Sloppy or comfortable will work for her, but it adds nothing to his reputation for having a good looker. This diminishes her worth as keeper.

[Previous fortitudinals appear in posts 250, 245, 240, 234, 228, 213, 203, 199, 186, 182, and 176.]

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224. Newlywed Bonding #1 —Intro


Marriages deteriorate more easily and become temporary, than they solidify and become permanent. Deterioration requires little else than inattention, sloppiness, carelessness.  

Solidifying a marriage requires a lot of shared goals and planning to sustain mutual respect. Making the process habitual in the early years produces desired results later. (Grace and I didn’t get the shortcomings of our early marriage straightened out until our third decade together.)

First impressions last, and early marriage sets the stage for whatever follows. Jointly built successes bond a couple. Failures, weaknesses, and even good intentions do not bond and can smother love to death.

Consequently, newlywed success depends on preventing relationship harm. That’s where forming good habits comes in. It requires mutual devotion—not just commitment—to build new habits that stamp out premarital bad habits that lead to deterioration.

This Newlywed Bonding series covers four beneficial habits that chase bad habits away:

1.     Virtue as relationship glue

2.     Money as relationship slave

3.     Separate but equal as teamwork

4.     Custom as dispute avoidance

The first good habit will appear in a few days. The Table of Contents at the top lists many subjects pertaining to living successfully with someone of the opposite sex.

NOTE: A nice and classy young lady, Tricia, inspired this series of posts. I pray her pending marriage matches her public pleasantness, charm, and sense of responsibility.

 

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159. Female dominance—Gone! Part 2


Whatever enters our mind helps program our subconscious. Our subconscious takes us toward what we think about most, whether or not we like it, want it, or it’s even good for us. Thus, our choice of music flows from and reinforces our outlook on life.

Classical music inspires structure in one’s life. It affects the head more than the heart. It’s bigger and easily seen as better and above us—inspirational. Those who love it tend to shape their lives around habits that become more clearly defined, more predictable, more dependable. They like the feel of self-progress created with precisely handled complexities as exemplified by classical music.

On the flip side, popular music stirs the heart mostly, and then the head follows. Modern pop music hardens the heart and one’s spirit and attitude about other people, especially males about females. It also softens the mind with self-centeredness, self-indulgence, and disrespect for others.

Hard and other rock forms deteriorated to rap and hip-hop to endorse masculine put down of ho’s, bitches,sluts, and other females only good for sex. Such music further hardens both the hard-headedness and hard-heartedness that come naturally to men. It also enlarges the high cost of unmarried sex that women provide.  

Unfortunately for all of us, modern women buy into contemporary pop music. It hardens their minds with male values and expectations for easier access and variations to sexual relations. It also hardens their natural soft-heartedness; they reject the natural side of both men and women.

On another flip side, once popular love ballads soften the heart with words of respect, encouragement, and sacrifice. The subconscious mind exposed to kinder, respectful, and more appreciative words projects an attitude that shows respect for others and unselfish devotion for one person.

Love ballads impinge on the heart with an appeal that females enjoy and appreciate. Yet, modern women don’t use such music to program their subconscious for success dealing with males and living with one man.

Why not? That’s coming soon.

[More about the fading of female dominance appears in posts 151. Scroll down or search by the number with dot and space following.]

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120. Choices determine life


First, the way we dress plays a major role in how we behave. People judge behavior. Therefore, our attire and grooming generate judgments about us, and people act on those judgments when they deal with us.

Second, we are who we associate with. So, dressing like our peers catalogues us. It breeds stereotypes. As mother so correctly stated, “Birds of a feather flock together.”

Third, dressing up improves part of one’s appearance, so it brings self-gratitude, which brings happiness with oneself, which improves the picture one has of oneself, which breeds self-confidence and greater ability to deal successfully with others.

Fourth, when women dress up they make my world prettier. Of course, women respond that they care little about brightening this man’s world, but I’m not the only man out there. If women don’t want to light up the world men live in, men are released to uglify in their own style. In the end, the way women dress and groom themselves shapes the real world for all of us.   

A WOMAN DRESSES AND GROOMS HERSELF:

©      For comfort to please herself.

©      With class to show her self-confidence.

©      Prettily to feel good about herself.

©      Distinctly to attract a man’s attention.

©      Sloppily if she just doesn’t care.

 ©      As a hottie to avoid being called a nottie.

©      Femininely if she wants respect and recognition for who she is.

©      Professionally if she works proudly in her job.

©      Masculinely if she’s bitch or butch.

 ©      Gaudily if she’s weak at reading other people or insensitive to or disdainful of their judgments.

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109. Women, where art thou?


Women can be anything they want, but they have two distinct strengths that work against them, unless they know how to focus those strengths for dealing with a man.

Women are born hard-headed. This means they possess all the logic and reasoning power needed to inject virtue in themselves and impose moral standards on their immediate environment. They have what it takes to impose the female will whenever appropriate and wherever needed.

But, sometimes they get soft-headed associating with members of the opposite sex. They give up their strength, and when it happens their man takes advantage. She can’t hold her own, so she loses.

Women are also born soft-hearted. This side of her nature strengthens her with empathy. It provides natural skills for encouraging, nurturing, and nursing mental wounds.

But, sometimes women get hard-hearted. They grow selfish, self-centered, and often vengeful to make others pay for offenses to their female ego. They grow short on empathy, nurturing, encouraging others, and nursing the hurts of others.

The women most successful dealing with a man assertively emphasize their hard-headedness before marriage. After marriage, when keeping their man is most important, they emphasize their soft-heartedness and push their hard-headedness into the background.

This works on a very simple natural principle: Her soft-heartedness does not challenge or compete with her man. Her hard-headedness does, and when she lets it loose, he resents, resists, and often retaliates.

 

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