Tag Archives: ungrateful

2170. Chivalry — Wherefore Art Thou?


We need to teach children there is no shame in acting chivalrous, and no shame in girls welcoming and appreciating a chivalrous boy. Why wouldn’t a girl or woman, for example, love and appreciate that her male friend or potential suitor fixed a flat bicycle tire for her?

Parents should teach sons to NEVER stop acting chivalrous, no matter how many figurative slaps to the face they receive. Teach each boy to never stop trying to be the one who is first to help the damsel in distress, first to pay a compliment about a girl’s appearance, first to open a door for her, first to brave up to bullies on her behalf, first to put down boys that demean her, and first to ignore the taunts of boys for paying chivalrous tribute to girls.

And parents should teach little girls to pleasantly accept kindness every time it comes their way. It’s a blessing when males extend the chivalrous hand of help or friendliness that lacks sexual overtures. It doesn’t need to happen; males have other things to do, other and easier ways to earn self-admiration and respect. OTOH, the chivalrous boy CHOOSES to give unconditionally and make something come out to some female’s favor. Just the attitude of chivalry in the hearts of boys is sufficient to uplift the worthiness of females after both pass into adulthood.

As one of the most important character traits, parents should teach that no shame attaches to chivalry, even if and when females denigrate offers or the deliverer of help. It happens because of unwillingness in the modern pop culture to accept being called the weaker sex. Yet, accepting that pretense produces guys putting themselves at the disposal of women. However momentarily it may be, a chivalrous act confirms unconditional respect, unconditional willingness to please, and eagerness to earn female favor. It may be duty to him, but he acknowledges with action her self-worth in his world. It’s the beginning of mutual respect.

Our present-day pop culture continues to become more unfriendly for females.  It’s a small factor, but disclaiming being the weaker sex fuels the female ego contrary to the best interest of women and the natural propensity of men to win their favor. Yet, feminists and their followers continue to demean men and boys, which causes other women to miss the good old days of chivalry that so boldly confirms females as important.

Women feel awkward when faced with chivalry. They have little confidence. Some think they don’t deserve it, others wonder how they can adequately express their gratitude.

A ‘thank you’ is fine but it means little to men. Words just aren’t that meaningful to men; actions are. Women should provide more encouragement; they can reach a man’s heart with an action statement of admiration. Such as, ‘Men are never more handsome than when they please a lady.’ Or, ‘Wow, who taught you to be such a pleasant gentleman’? Or, ‘I measure a person by their deeds, and you make your deeds special.’ Note that each statement praises indirectly; nothing direct enough to be taken as a hit even so much as ‘You’re likeable.’

He’s admired and that makes her gratitude meaningful to men. Such admiring remarks are significant. But at least some acknowledgement must be paid by women. No recognition of chivalrous action shames the woman as ungrateful.

If we ever restore chivalry to society, women have to do it starting with boys and girls and blending it in over future generations. It’s amazing how the principles and practices of chivalry please both sexes with the other.

Tomorrow we return to dating in mid-life.

 

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1227. Separate Lives Under Same Roof


No one searching for faults or trying fruitlessly to change another can be grateful for that person. Gratitude grows from appreciation, not faultfinding. Happiness grows from gratefulness, not wishful thinking. Lifetime marriages sour on the tentacles of ungratefulness, criticism, and disrespectful opinions of one’s spouse. 

  • When wife treats husband as immature or parents him as a child, it shifts his mental state back toward adolescence and WADWMUFGAO.* His ego seeks solace and takes the teen way out, so he cheats emotionally or physically.
  • Wife makes maintaining her imperial nest more important than retaining her man. He quietly balks and finds interests other than with her.
  • A wife finds faults, criticizes, and constantly tries to improve husband. His commitment weakens as he feels her pressure trying to change him. It grates on his masculine fiber, insults his manly nature, and primes him for departure.
  • A wife can lose her man easily. If she makes him choose between his job and her, she should be prepared to lose something significant – quite possibly him. It is not that he loves her less than his job, but his self-worth arises from his job more than from his woman’s affection.
  • Immature men dominate the home without showing much kindness, gratitude, or generosity. Such men reveal their nature early in relationships. Women can spot it in courtship. Generally, the immature man’s thinking, habits, and expectations revolve around younger values, standards, and ideals important mostly to teenagers but retained into adulthood.

The presence of nagging, whining, and overspending eventually outweighs the presence of good sex, good food, and good company. Over a lifetime the negatives never stop their emotional disturbances. But, the positives become common and routine. Both marriages and cohabiting fade when the fast growing kudzu vine of negatives smothers all the homey sunlight of liking one another.

* We All Do What Makes Us Feel Good About Ourselves.

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219. Female challenges


A nice lady asked if my blog applies to large women. Yes, plus those not perfectly shaped. (I ignore genetic causes.) A few reminders follow for women unproductively worried about such things.

☺ Oversized and imperfect shapes have many culprits: low sense of self-worth, unflattering image of physical self, lack of self-respect and self-confidence, bad habits, stinking thinking, and on and on. Mostly, however, it’s food intake inspired by frustration, loneliness, or discomfort tied in with some or all of the above.

☺ Her size and shape too easily mislead her thinking. For example, the nagging voice about weight is her enemy. Nagging herself, just as nagging a man, produces unintended consequences.

☺ Her size, shape, and presentation of body is her choice—past, present, and future. Self-interest and common sense say she should forever make her body and its appearance follow what she decides is best for her future.

☺ Guilt about the past is counterproductive. Self-promises loaded with great intentions about a brighter future can be productive—even when her ‘great intentions’ later dim to ‘almost got there’.

☺ Loneliness can’t be escaped, only deferred. It must be overridden by a comfort with herself different from what shopping, pizza, snacks, and munchies bring. Living up to something bigger than herself helps. (Turn her heart over to the Lord, and loneliness will not trouble her. Avoiding calories also becomes simpler and much easier.)

☺ Her outside appearance attracts a man, her inside virtues hold him.

☺ Virtue has its own rewards. It makes tough decisions easier, and adds to her importance and self-respect.

☺ Faith in the Lord uplifts her spirit. Belief in man—Humanism—discourages it.

☺ Loneliness comes from self-centeredness. Sincere giving of herself to others drives out self-centeredness and, consequently, loneliness.

☺ What she thinks about, she gets. (Our subconscious takes us toward what we think about whether good or bad, desired or undesired, liked or hated, feared or coveted.)

☺ Everything for which she can be grateful adds to her happiness.

☺ Ungratefulness for her body compounds grief out of all proportion to her body’s importance in successful living.

The female nature begrudges every flaw. Her mushy thinking keeps focus on them all.

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203. Female Fortitude—36 through 40


36.      She acts ungratefully with and for her man. Then she blames him for her unhappiness. Her actions dominate her feelings, not his. Gratefulness breeds happiness.

37.      Jean Jacque Rousseau was wrong about many things, but not this one: “The more women want to resemble [men], the less women will govern them, and then men will truly be the masters.”

38.      As with all of us, he produces better when he lives for something or someone higher than himself. Another reason why married men are more successful and live longer lives than their uncommitted, unattached male brothers.

39.      A woman that appears ordinary stales fast in the face of erotic scenery outside the home.

40.      Men are born hard-headed and hard-hearted. Women are born hard-headed but soft-hearted. It takes years to soften his heart, and her going soft in the head doesn’t help.

[Numbers match the original posts. Previous fortitudinals appear in posts 199, 186, 182, and 176.]

 

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61. Why he doesn’t hear her—Part II


Men don’t listen to men about dealing with women. It’s a principle that stems from their competitive natures and opposing personas. Each man knows best how he will treat each kind of woman he encounters. If necessary, he’ll fake it until he makes it. Each man expects that ultimately one woman with feminine skills will finally settle him down to his rewards as husband and father.  

Men don’t listen to women about dealing with women. Again, it’s the masculine nature, but the unstated messages he hears and the unintended consequences mislead women.

She says, “You are not as courteous as I desire,” and he also hears “…and I expect you to change.” Or, she says, “You can do better,” and he hears, “…and you’d better.” Or, she says, “We need to dress up for this affair tonight,” and he hears, “…your wardrobe needs updating.” He hears that she expects him to change. Resistance sets in, and her words don’t register as she intends.

This is especially true, if they’ve had their first sex together. If she’s unconquered by him, however, the effect differs. He hears, he heeds, and he modifies his behavior in whatever way he thinks will advance his agenda for bed time together. He may or may not change to please her or as she hoped. However he changes, spread out over time, will likely become habitual. Long sex-free courtships accumulate more habitual changes that please her.

Men seldom hear what their woman says, unless certain conditions attach to show respect and gratefulness for him and what he does. Examples are described as ‘nessies’ in post #59 and options in #60 below.

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A Guy Note: In this blog it makes no sense to itemize what men should do or be like, or what women expect from their man. No one has correct answers except each woman dealing with each man. It’s always up to her to finely balance and fine tune their respective agendas into their mutual agenda.  

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41. Hook up to Pain and Misery


Women want more female-type love and affection from their man, and would appreciate more platonic attention from other men. What pleases women, however, has been driven out of the cultural values that shape everyday society.

This places females at the corner of Pain and Misery trying to cross against the traffic as they head for the recycle bin. Relationships crash and loop back through a series of painful episodes for females. The series looks like this:

Hook up. Females hook up to show love that is seldom returned. Males hook up for sex and keep their true emotions hidden. Without his devotion first, she becomes either a temp or keeper, and he takes her to the next level of link up or shack up. Or, she becomes a ‘safety’ or duty slut for the next time he is left without a sex partner. Or, she registers with him as leftovers for recycling by other guys.

Link up. Females desperately link up to have a boyfriend. Males link up to have convenient sex regularly, while awaiting the next target to conquer. Men only have to show an interest in matrimony. This keeps her on the string, until he dumps her at his convenience.

Knock up. Females get knocked up accidentally or deliberately. Males knock them up and create ‘baggage’ for her—often unrepentantly too, because the pill puts all responsibility on her.

Shack up. Females shack up to test or simulate marriage on the economy plan. Males shack up for commitment-lite sex provided economically.

Marry up. Females gleefully marry up trying to go first class. Males marry but commit cautiously. She expects him to change, but he won’t. He expects her to stay the same, but she changes. Men comfort themselves ahead of time that little more than a lawyer’s fee will enable escape.

Muck up. Wives thanklessly throw up their hands in frustration at the man who ‘brung ‘em to the dance.’ He is neither good enough nor inclined to make her happy. Husbands resent wifely ingratitude, interpret it as his insignificance, and reach for the abandonment switch.

Split up. Women split up with high hopes of kissing another frog into princehood without having learned that they neutered their ex. Men ignore monogamous commitments and turn their other princely cheek to be kissed by another female—quite often, though, just his hind cheek.

Pay up for her. Women tearfully pay up and turn desperate for another frog to kiss, quite often someone else’s husband. Her life no longer matches her youthful hopes and dreams. Even when she does have a man to call her own, she calls him ‘not good enough.’

She married him ‘as is’ but cannot accept him that way. Having little or nothing to be grateful for, she burrows deeper into depressive unhappiness. A few wives earn more successful marriages the next time around, but others don’t. Their bad decisions started with hook up.

Pay up for him. Men take the hit in the wallet for having chosen the wrong woman, as they see it. So, they specialize in going blossom-to-blossom to fulfill their conquering urge. Men who have undergone the wallet-hit ignore or reject calls for commitment by another woman, because she does not carry wife malpractice insurance to pay him off the next time. Remember, when their marriage sours, men turn against marriage.

End up for her. Women end up in the recycle bin looking for another man. Sometimes she steals one from  a sister female. She is doomed to repeat living in the fast lane to pain when she starts at the top of the painful loop with another hook up. Odds are she could do better by insisting on marriage before sex. Her future brightens, if she conquers him instead of enabling him to conquer her. Remember, when their marriage sours, women turn against men.

End up for him. Men end up looking for the next conquest. They know clearly how and what they intend to avoid with the next female in their life.

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34. Sex and the fickle girl—Part I


Women too often ignore or forget these facts of life. 

♀♂ Marriage and associated responsibilities don’t uplift men, they constrain.

♀♂ Women need men more than the reverse, especially those women hopeful of a permanent relationship.

♀♂ Women work to love. Men love to work.

♀♂ To stay with a woman, men must be rewarded for husbanding and fathering—as the male gender sets standards, and each man measures the benefits.

♀♂ A man’s love is based on respect for her and her likeability supporting him in his work.

♀♂ Women expect to hear affection expressed in multiple ways and demonstrated on frequent occasions. Men don’t think that way. (Both have A.D.D. as described in post #3 below.)

♀♂ Without moral standards, female expectations, and motherly teachings that tame, civilize, and domesticate the male nature, masculinity emerges as unfriendly dominance, aggressiveness, and even violence. (This puts women in charge of cultural values—or they abdicate as modern women are doing.)

♀♂ Women like to claim that men are only after sex. Actually, sexual availability is the measure by which men judge women for their loyalty to and dependence upon a man.

♀♂ Women play an auxiliary role in the natural side of the masculine life. This requires that each woman seeking to live with a man compensate by energizing him to help pursue her individual interests, hopes, and dreams. (Of course women have other options, but they should expect to eventually lose their partner. She can change his behavior but not his nature.)

 

♀♂ Women can enjoy masculine-style sexual freedom, but they eventually lose when playing the man’s game. (More later)

♀♂  Divulging her sexual history to a man injects poison into their relationship. (More later)

 

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