Tag Archives: unhappiness

2135. Compatibility Axioms #621-630


621. Blame neutralizes or kills compatibility. She is unhappy with her man and blames him. He doesn’t understand her; things aren’t that bad. She’s just ungrateful for him, it appears unjustified, and he after all is a good man doing his best. If she explains it, he disagrees. What else is he supposed to do? Blaming him tampers with his sense of significance, his greatest fear especially when his woman questions it. As his self-defense attitude tells him, he’s challenged as a man and determines to produce results different and perhaps opposite to what she wants. [217]

622. Over time men seek improvements in their lives. They keep trying to better these main objectives: Frequent and convenient sex; meals easier to fix; comfortable recovery from daily work; sex partner that reflects credit on him. A man does it until satisfied with himself. Or compensated with a satisfying alternative such as a good and attractive wife. [217]

623. Her outside appearance attracts a man, her internal qualities hold him. [219]

624. Men seek to marry a virtuous woman, one they find so virtuous as to be fascinating. She’s only as virtuous as a man admires her qualities including appearance, traits, and achievements. So, her rewards associating with men come mostly from being admired for qualities superior to those of other women. Marital inclinations start with one man’s admiration of one woman that exceeds admiration of others. [219]

625. Loneliness and marriage are incompatible. Loneliness comes from too much self-centeredness that lacks self-importance. Sincere giving of herself to others and finding gratitude outside herself increases self-importance and drives out loneliness. [219]

626. What she thinks about most, she gets. If it’s unhappiness, she turns unhappy. If it’s pleasure, she turns toward that. If it’s loneliness, she migrates toward more of it. If its suspicion of his cheating, he’s driven toward it. (The subconscious mind takes each of us toward what we think about the most, whether good or bad, desired or undesired, liked or hated, feared or coveted.) [219]

627. Everything for which she can be grateful adds to her happiness. [219]

628. Modest attire, feminine mystique, moral restraint, monogamous spirit, and proud breast display make gaining access to sex with her appear as a major challenge. He sees that much more togetherness will be required for him to score than with women who dress suggestively or erotically. Except for the ultimate challenge of conquest, challenges are better motivators of men than sex. [220]

629. Feminine mystique stimulates the male mind to slow his charge to conquer, else he may miss out. [220]

630. Modest attire stimulates the male mind to slow its boldness, else he might offend her and lose out. [220]

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1947. Overweight?


A female’s happiness starts here. The mirror confirms her self-love, aka appreciation of who she is. The mirror also provides nourishment to her sense of self-importance, aka appreciation for what she does. With those satisfactions, she becomes grateful for herself, and gratitude is the essence of happiness.

A female’s unhappiness starts here. Poor choices at the mirror contradict her self-love and under-nourish her self-importance. Those two dissatisfactions nullify self-gratefulness, which leads to finding other ways to feel good about herself. Overeating compensates and overweight follows.

When the mirror doesn’t make her feel good enough about her appearance, she abandons her natural tendency for caution and eats like men. Overeating drowns her intuitive nature about showing off her prettiness.

Mirrors spout guilt and generously spray women with desire to improve what they see. Thus, the secret to weight control and proper weight resides in mirrors made friendly by a female’s heart and nature. When the mirror is her enemy, she makes poor choices and betrays self-interest. She chooses to do too little, takes shortcuts, or otherwise fails to develop a satisfied appearance for the moment, day, or life. Poor choice today leads to more tomorrow, and future views at the mirror bring disappointment, frustration, and embarrassment.

Each female has both an easy weapon and strong ability to achieve her desired weight and shape, namely the mirror and new attitude. Change her actions and self-talk at the mirror and she changes her attitude.

Attitude is the outward expression of her heart. To change it requires actions that reprogram how she feels about herself. If she drops poor choices at the mirror and adopts good choices, her attitude changes, her appearance improves, and need to overeat diminishes. So, let’s define poor and good.

Poor choices follow this attitude. ‘I’m unable to fix or make future benefits out of one or all of my discouraging features. Therefore, I will copy others whom I envy for their appearance and ability to attract guys’. Her determination fertilizes decisions to become poor habits.

Good choices follow this attitude. ‘I’m dedicated to always make my features look their best and with improvements in mind for making each feature better, even if it takes years. To copy others whom I envy betrays my uniqueness and weakens my ability to compete with them for the man of my dreams. I’m my own person’. Her determination fertilizes decisions to become good habits.

Poor choices damage her ability to be grateful for herself. Gratitude brings happiness, and gratitude for how she looks is the first step. So every poor choice at the mirror takes a chunk out of future happiness.

The toll road to both slenderizing and happiness starts first thing in the morning as summarized in article 1440 and others mentioned there. At the mirror each day, this toll is paid: She identifies another good idea to study, tries and appraises improvements, and determines to turn into habit whatever prettiness presents her at her greatest before others and especially family. When at her prettiest, she believes in herself, manages her family better, and wields influence far beyond what poor choices produced earlier in life.

All women are pretty in their hearts. If they don’t expose it by prettifying their outward appearance,* they lose influence with females and personal effectiveness with men. Choices made at the mirror determine a female’s life, lifestyle, and happiness.

*Contrary to modern custom, neatness and bright colors magnify female prettiness. Males are colorful in the animal world to out-compete other males for sex and enable females to hide for protection. Females use neat and colorful attire in the human world to out-compete other females for a protective mate. Doing so lures males away from their protective places, methods, and manners.

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647. QUIPS & TIPS — List 1


Big or testy problems can be made simpler. These don’t solve problems, but they provide a better perspective for attacking issues common to female interests:

♦       Love ain’t nearly enough to overcome all the little negatives that plague a relationship.

♦       Morality means living up to principles higher than Man. Secularism and Humanism promote living up to principles made of, by, and for Man. So, which better serves females?

♦       Happiness flows out of one’s gratitude and broader may be more beneficial than deeper.

♦       Depression comes from someone sensing they lack control of something, things, or life. It eases by gaining greater control.

♦       Commitment has little staying power; devotion has plenty.

♦       What her respect for him means to her man, his sweetness to her (aka attention, affection, intimacy) means to her. Without it respectively, they both lose self-respect.

♦       When people have nothing higher than themselves to live up to, they live down to human passions.

♦       Bitterness is anger turned inward against oneself.

♦       Severe unhappiness is ingratitude turned inward. It comes from unwillingness or inability to be grateful for someone else or others.

♦       Men love femininity, but the popularity of masculine-style sexual freedom among females makes femininity important only for the potential it holds for the long term.

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348. From Yesteryear, dare to hear? Year 01


The bible praises givers and scorns takers. Givers give, because they are grateful. Takers take, because their self-centeredness overwhelms any gratitude they might have. Since happiness flows from gratitude, takers-only breed their own unhappiness. As the relationship expert in the home, women sense how to bridge the gaps between bad and good, taking and giving, ingratitude and gratefulness, and, hence, unhappiness and happiness.

 

Women abandon old school wisdom. To make their selves more male-like and feminist in their thinking, females give up femininity as their dominating value. They give up old school extreme femaleness for new school faux masculinity.

 

Women competing in the home with their man conflict with Nature. Were it not so, families with one boss, one CEO, one head, one final authority, would not be more successful than those with split responsibility for leadership. One final authority always triumphs. Equally shared responsibility for leadership eventually deteriorates to endless and mutual finger pointing, and this leads to separation or living separate lives under the same roof.    

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329. Newlywed Bonding #11 — Harmony


Harmonizing two self-interests into one mutual interest doesn’t come natural to young newlyweds. They need to teach themselves by considering things that never entered their minds before. For example, the following considerations help reduce self-centeredness and favor development of greater us-centeredness: 

·        Men and women are very different. As the relationship expert, wife is better able to compensate, adjust, and harmonize their relationship.

·        She’s changeable in direct response to him. He’s changeable only in response to indirect, subtle, and charming efforts by her. If he knows she wants him to change, he won’t.

·        Decisions are good when they enhance cooperation, because this builds compatibility.

·        Decisions are poor when they generate competition between spouses, because this breeds incompatibility.

·        She thinks first about what she has and her status—happy or unhappy for example. He thinks first about where he’s going, and happy or unhappy doesn’t occupy his thoughts very much.  

·        Court your mother-in-law’s affections as if she’s your own, but first you must earn her respect. Of course it’s tough. But living with her as enemy is more intolerable, and expecting your spouse to change her threatens him or her. Don’t complain and don’t explain.

These harmonizing issues never appear equal or even fair. They never will. It’s the essence of marital success. Women can excel, however, when they try to accept, promote, and squeeze unequal efforts into blissful compatibility.

[Ten other posts about Newlywed Bonding are listed in the Content page at the top.]

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306. Sex and the fickle girl — Part 14


  When a woman concludes that men are only after one thing, it’s because she offers too little else.

  Women generate their own unhappiness. A woman focuses on her man’s negatives, which worsen precisely because of her attentions.

  Booty call: The screwing she gets for the screwing he gets. Duty sluthood costs her much more male respect that she can ever imagine.

  College girls major in booty for reasons incomprehensible to any father.   

  Capturing a man is easy. Keeping one is not. The burden is on her. Her nature seeks togetherness, and his seeks freedom.

  Virgin girls believe they won’t get dumped if they yield. Actually, to men, the more his buds have tried and failed, the easier she is to dump, unless he’s really into her other strengths and attributes.  

  It’s self-fulfilling: A wife blames husband for his faults. Accused men defend themselves by disproving the evidence presented. Debate amplifies his faults into failures in her eyes. He gets worse.

  Women abandon femininity, modesty, high moral standards, and other female strengths just to have a boyfriend they can’t keep, because of what they abandoned.

[More about sex and fickle females appears in posts 291, 259, 246, 229, 216, 201, 184, 170, 160, 148, 137, 93, and 34. Scroll down or search by the number followed by a dot and space.]

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278. Female malpractice — Part 8


Feminists popularized complaints about men. This one pressures women into wifely malpractice: ‘A woman’s work is never done’.

First, work-never-ends is the woman’s natural state. She needs a brighter future. She feels compelled to make it so through corrections and improvements.

Second, everything needs care, requires time, or must be made better. But those ‘everythings’ interfere with each other: job, housework, kids, step kids, husband, parents, and maybe even an ex. 

Third, she focuses more on the bad in others than the good around her. Complaints erode her gratefulness, and lack of gratitude erodes her happiness. The ‘everythings’ worsen.

Fourth, she can attack her misery by stopping malpractice in the home. For example:

·        Expecting too much of herself and others.

·        Living her life vicariously through kids.

·        Supervising kids beyond their maturity, hovering as helo mom.

·        Parenting her husband, especially as an intolerable ‘nagatha’.

·        Striving for perfection at work or home.

·        Equalizing domestic and childcare workloads with husband. (Sharing is possible, equality is not. Endless squabbles and resentments are easy.)

·        Letting kids escape responsibility for housework and domestic tranquility.

·        Failing to anticipate family squabbles that lead to further disruptions.

·        Bossing instead of negotiating with husband. (She and not him is the relationship expert.)

·        Bossing kids angrily. Stirring passions unnecessarily, including her own.

·        Letting kids see mom-dad disputes, arguments, fights.  

Malpractice adds burdens, but better choices can be made.

[More about female malpractice appears in posts 236, 221, 206, 189, 175, 164, and 150. Scroll down or search for the number with a dot and space following it.]

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