- A man’s love of a woman begins with his pleasing her while she remains relatively quiet about who she is and what she does. She focuses on listening and encourages him to talk about himself, which begins to earn his respect. Thus, she puts him in the seller role. She makes him work to figure out what she can mean to him. He has to earn her by investing and selling himself while she fills role of buyer. Of course, it takes a lot of time, patience, and self-respect for her, but it’s the kind of behavior that starts a man’s love to develop and grow.
- A husband’s present life depends on many things other than his wife’s love. His interests are bundled together such that wife never views them completely until they’ve been married for decades. Even then, she’s probably detected them more indirectly than directly. His interests are those things that make him satisfied with who he is, what he does, and who he does it with. After marriage, the main ingredients are his satisfaction with her, what she does, and living with her.
- If she loves him without his need of it, he can use it to facilitate conquest. If she yields sex early, he can dump her. He doesn’t bond with sex, and if it takes a while to conquer, he figures out before she yields just how she will end up afterward: keeper, booty, or dumpee depending on how much of himself he invests in her and how satisfying will be his continuing effort to associate with her.
- A man seeks to marry a virtuous woman, and a woman’s virtues are whatever qualities she has that earn a man’s admiration. He has little interest in what others call her virtues, unless everybody calls her beautiful. Figuring that it will take time, he delivers a concentrated effort aimed at capturing her for himself. As he uncovers new virtues, he gives up chasing sex with her and determines that she’s more valuable to him than sex with her. It may take awhile, but he likely proposes when he’s convinced living with her will be more satisfying that how he now lives.
- By chasing a man, she fails to earn his respect, which is the essential and primary foundation of a man’s love. She’s interested in sharing her love, finds a man, and showers him with all the love she has. She’s surprised to find that he’s turned off; he was the pursuer but her love isn’t attractive or appealing with her in chase mode. So, he conquers and dumps her, or so he quickly plans.
Tag Archives: virtuous woman
You modern gals need a plan to take better charge of your own lives. You need a game plan. I’m just the guy to lay it out, but you have to implement the details to the satisfaction of those who pursue you.
Objective: Keep a man pursuing you long enough for him to at least propose or break off, hopefully the former if he’s proven himself worthy of you.
Strategy: A man wants to marry a virtuous woman, and each finds virtue in the qualities he admires in one woman. The more unique qualities you display, the harder a guy seeks to get you in bed, because the accumulation of your virtues make you more worthy and unique in his eyes.
Mission: Be attractively different from all the other gals, but more traditional, mysterious, and modest than modern. (A gal’s strongest suits for keeping a man under control are her modesty, mystery, and vanity.)
If other gals hang with or act like guys, don’t. If they pursue guys, don’t. If they kiss on first date, don’t. If they crave marriage, don’t. If they go for making out, don’t. If they talk up sex, don’t. If they go out with guys without a date, don’t. If other gals are so fearful of losing what they have, don’t be like that. There are many other behaviors in the social marketplace that the smart gal drops from her habits to make herself stand out. The more unique but not radical, the better.
The way to a modern man’s heart is not through his stomach; it’s through his ego. So, focus there.
Listen better than you ever have before. Keep silent, pay attention! No full disclosure; in fact, no disclosure about yourself. Make him earn everything he finds out about you. Volunteer nothing. He has to pursue you to find out about you. Otherwise, why should he waste time with your disclosing yourself?
Men believe what they figure out, and not what they are told. So, if he isn’t figuring you out, he won’t stay long. He should never know exactly who and what you are until he’s been married to you for a dozen or so years. Mystery makes female worthiness soar.
Encourage his descriptions of who he is; what he does in mind, body, and spirit; how he’s out to conquer his world; and what he can provide to you if you’ll just join him in bed. If you’ve done your other techniques properly, he will keep the part about the bed in background, hints maybe. If he gets obvious about bedtime, you bring up marriage. Make it a habit; he wants to talk about sex, you change the subject gently but firmly. Repeat it enough and he’ll soon learn that the subject makes you uncomfortable.
A man learns to respect the gal who listens to him, and his respect is essential for his love to develop. The longer she refuses deep passion and keeps her legs crossed, the more his respect grows. Of course, everyone recognizes her biggest problem is to keep him in pursuit while being denied sex with her.
She has only one alternative. She abstains for reasons that register above herself in this life. She’s lives up to somebody or thing far above her but which hardens her belief system: parents, God, Bible, moral imperative. Even expectant husband, but she should never declare that; it kills hope in the pursuer. (The blog series Virtual Virginity covers at length how to strengthen one’s belief system to promote abstinence until marriage.)
As much, as often, and as clearly as practicable, teach him to please you. Repetitive pleasing of you becomes habit with him, and becomes devotion when he learns that pleasing you pleases him even more.
You will run into the guy who is only after sex, and it will be clear in his approach. First, he’s not after you but sex with you. Second, dismiss him quickly. If you’re no more valuable than your sexual assets, how will you ever escape being a sex object?
I propose dating and courtship should follow the plan above.
Women should treat courtship as a process, theirs. Not men, but relationship experts are the natural processors, the shapers, the bosses who seek courtship success.
Both sides have a mission. Men pursue conquest until their mission changes as the result of experience with her. Either she yields to conquest, he determines that she is more valuable to him than sex with her, or his interest wanes and he drops her. Her mission should be aimed at the option most favorable to her; namely, convince him that she is more valuable than sex. But many women choose wrongly.
A woman starts dating or enters courtship because she’s looking for love, mutual love, endless love, love eternal. Or, she envisions some other version from lessons learned or dreamily perfected in girlhood.
In that way, women routinely choose the wrong mission. They expect to win a man as boyfriend or husband, and do it with her female ability to love him. Because they don’t understand the male nature, they choose wrongly by ignoring common sense.
She gives away her love for too little done by him, and the effect is to minimize both his devotion and her being cherished. OTOH, as he proactively earns her attentions and affections by pleasing her and by letting her have her way, it leads toward his devotion and opens the door to her being cherished. Men want more of something valuable they have to work for, and continually pleasing her increases her value.
To please a woman, a man can open a car door, hold a door open and allow her to enter first, hold her coat for her to put it on, seat her at table, run errands, repair her car, let her have her way, and provide other politenesses. Gallantry and politeness please a female’s need for attention and confirm her importance. OTOH, a man’s actions to do those things, invests his effort on her behalf and slowly percolates in his mind that she’s appreciated and thereby important to him.
Pleasing her enough can be a drawn out process, but it programs his heart to favor her. If he repeats pleasing one woman until habitual, it programs his heart that her presence in his life is satisfying and worthy of greater effort. Thus, pleasing her habitually leads to his becoming devoted to her.
A man doesn’t start dating or courting because he loves or anticipates loving a woman. He starts because he finds her likeable as person, female, sex target, potential wife or friend, and other roles she fills in life. She seldom knows his intentions, however, except after hours, weeks, or months have passed in the company of each other.
Her love of a man can develop fast, freely, and by her self-insistence that it is as she imagines. Not through logic or well reasoned thought, her love arises from emotional connections she senses. It confirms she’s doing the right thing for her right now, or that it matches what she envisioned in girlhood that her love would be like.
Men are quite opposite. Manly love develops in bits and pieces over extended time. He analyzes his actions and one or two emotional connections that seem to satisfy a woman, but do they satisfy him? Trying to be objective with reason and logic, he determines how satisfied he is with himself for sacrificing his interest on her behalf.
Development of a man’s love is also a process, but he’s the processor of three stages. The first two develop sequentially in courtship: devotion and bonded love. His marriage proposal comes after he enters the third stage, true love.
Bringing her love into the open can be the wrong thing in both dating and courtship. It’s much better to let it marinate in background with only his partial and unconfirmed belief that it really exists. Let his imagination soar about her love of him. What he figures out is much more impressive that what he is told. That’s right; she wants to hear three little words but doesn’t fish by saying I love you. She makes her love less obvious and more his target, the ultimate he has to earn if he’s to become worthy of her.
If he fishes to hear I love you, he’s more focused on conquest than on her.
If she’s already worthy of him, where’s his challenge? The more sure he is of her, the less he favors expanding their togetherness. OTOH, mystery triggers his curiosity and opens his imagination to be more certain about his logic, reason, and figuring who and what she is to him. It pressures him to focus on learning more about her qualities that he admires; that is, her virtues that compound into a virtuous woman that men seek to marry. Consequently, the more she triggers his curiosity and imagination, the more time he spends getting to understand her.
It all works best to her advantage, when she as courtship processor gets her way in their life together.
Men are not as impervious to female influence as they act and women react. Over time each man reflects what he’s learned from the women in his life, just as long as those women don’t remind him of it.
Whether about gender or an individual, you ladies know the shortcomings of men and how you wish they were different. They will be when you make yourself different from those who can’t keep a husband today. One on one and one at a time. It takes one woman to tame one man to her wishes, hopes, and dreams. You were prepared at birth, but many must relearn how to use it.
God, Nature, and hormones make woman very capable and consequently make women the superior gender. Each is the irresistible force facing off against the immovable object. But the force is born with the advantage: She CAN withhold sex to encourage the immovable object toward marriage instead of yielding and making marriage unnecessary to satisfy his conquering spirit. Provided, of course, that marriage rather than sexual pleasure and him rather than someone else is what she’s truly after.
It starts the moment they meet. The kickoff is her feminine more than sexual attractiveness. The latter attracts every man; the former attracts men more interested in her than just sex. Her qualifications to lead one or more of those men into a successful relationship continues for life.
Men seek to marry a virtuous woman. Virtue is whatever quality a particular man admires. Some men take a very long time to find ways to admire a woman. In the meantime, each woman is well prepared from inborn traits and skills to convert his blank time into progress for her.
It works with one woman and one man. You are born more than capable to outperform any man at the relationship but not the societal level; at the emotional but not the physical level; in your home but not in public; with domestic principles, values, and standards but not social impulse and displays of power; with indirectness but not directness; with patience to outlast rather than resolve problems immediately; with ability to outsmart rather than manipulate; with premarital competition instead of cooperation; with marital cooperation instead of competition; with more concern for the future than the present; with deferred rather than immediate gratification; with relationship management skills rather than being led by a nose ring; at compromising rather than fighting out differences; with love rather than vengeance; with silence to avoid uproars; with acceptance of faults to avoid blame; with more loyalty to one person than interest tied to others; in marriage more than shack up; in stopping at resisting and resenting rather than retaliating; in devotion to husband, self, and his job over home and family; with compassion for the weak more than respect of the powerful; at deferring to the powerful to ensure good relations with and for your provider/protector; at liking yourself in spite of temporary messages to the contrary; in fulfilling responsibility for others instead of just self, and through learning to use sex before and enjoy it after marriage and not vice versa.
Tomorrow, I tackle the blame game.
Tactical Parenting: Encouraging Sexual Restraint
Part XI posited that if mom knows more about how to succeed as wife, she is better prepared to teach daughters how to avoid the pitfalls of teen sex. It also cited some thoughts husbands expect and that make them happier in their homes.
Now for the other side of the coin. How did she get to be a wife? (Numbers are only for easy reference.)
- A suitable suitor finds in her qualities that he admires and that make her attractive and likeable enough to strongly desire to spend much time with her. She’s the scenic view for him to observe and take all in.
- Immediately if it’s love at first sight or later if not, he finds her far more likeable than others. Time spent with her morphs slowly or comes on quickly that she’s the only one for him. Out of that masculine conviction emerges his willingness to be exclusively loyal to her. He’s born that way: When things go according to his sense of integrity and what’s right, he’ll keep his part of whatever deal develops.
- She can screw it up if she tries to convince him of her value or promise that she reserves for him alone. He doesn’t actually care much for who she thinks she is, or her promises of what she can be to him. His self-interest is tied to how and what he figures out she can be to and for him. Sex plays but a minor role once he becomes totally interested in the promise he imagines.
- He quits examining her after conquest. He proved himself good enough for her. Consequently, he has little else to earn, learn, accomplish in order to keep her if he wants her.
- The longer she delays conquest, the more time he’s exposed to and discovers qualities he can admire, each of which becomes a virtues to him, and which over sufficient time compound into what men seek to marry, a virtuous woman. Their extended and chaste togetherness soon promotes her as unique among women and his judgment working in background causes unique to grow into fascination. A fascinating woman captures and holds a man’s intentions to go further with her.
- All of which merge into the promise he sees in her to add success to his present way of life and pursuit of his ambitions. After figuring the odds and guaranteeing himself of not making a mistake, courage encourages, and he takes the leap and proposes.
- Presuming she accepts, his job is done. He turns arrangements over to his fiancée and her mother, shows up at the altar on time, and begins marriage as if nothing else happens or matters. It’s a new life and he can handle it. Let’s get this living together underway, and he expects it will be the same forever after.
- Yes, I ignore the popular notion that marriage isn’t forever. Many terminations are the result of common practice to follow popular opinion rather than trusting one’s judgment; to blame rather than get along; to fault rather than work together; to demand rather than compromise; to ignore rather than follow the leader; to devalue compatibility rather than strengthen marriage; to cheat rather than respect; to fight rather than smooch; to grudge rather than pet; to sleep rather than make love.
- Both sexes are born to be compatible with a mate. The basic requirements are that marriage proceed under the indirect influence of wife trying to fulfill her childhood hopes and dreams, which requires that husband has indisputable and highly welcomed access to sex, which enables him to go along to get along, which promotes wife as very likeable and loyal to husband, which confirms his love of her.
How does she get to remain a wife?
- By matching, merging, and morphing his and her self-interests into the music of loving one another first and raising children as add-ons.
- Sorry, mothers, to be so blunt. But look at it closely. What happens when kids in the process of ever changing self-development are made more important than the husband-wife combination? Without preeminence in being right, how do parents breathe constancy and stability into their family? How do they generate loving survival with all the unpredictable and surprising changes that occur as kids move from inevitable immaturity and to hopeful maturity? Without husband-wife glue, marital instability follows, which means that teen immaturity continues, which means that daughters’ hopes and dreams go unachieved from lack of nurturing, teaching, leading, and coaching mostly by mom.
- She prepares daughter for a life that father expects to see. Peer pressure and mom not teaching her best often plow this female instinct under the dirt of daily life: Maturity is essential for the fulfillment of female hopes and dreams, so are boys and men, and so is the female’s ability to handle both to her advantage. Well-prepared teen girls fight to reach maturity rather than enjoy the immaturity fashioned by and upheld by boys intent on conquests and learning to be players.
- When wife isn’t loved sufficiently well by husband, what does she do? Often out of spite, she aims herself to more deliberately and expressively love her kids. It amplifies her self-importance and satisfaction and compensates for attention and appreciation so lacking from her husband. (I don’t alibi for men; some can be terrible mates until the females in their lives train them better.)
- More pronounced expressions of her love toward children weaken her expressions of love of husband. Kids become most important, which makes mothering more important than wifeing, which makes husband secondary, which makes wife a different woman than he married, which makes her less dependent on him for her self-importance, which makes her less valuable to help pursue his ambitions, which makes her less willing to accommodate his sexual interests in the home, which make her unnecessary if not expendable, which makes him venture into sexual thought outside, which inevitably leads to his cheating if they’re not already separated for other reasons.
- The self-fulfilling prophecy of marital separation—or living separate lives under the same roof—begins when wife finds fault in husband, blames him for insufficient attention and love, and compensates by turning to her kids to make herself feel better about herself.
- WADWMUFGAO, which energizes her to intensify expressions of love of kids at the expense of husband. It’s a pretty normal reaction, but by lessening her expressions of love of husband, she weakens that love and marital decay begins. IOW, marital success comes from only one combination of womanly love. The expressions of motherly love never cause the expressions of wifely love to deteriorate. In her heart, they are all loved equally but husband comes first in matters where he and kids are in competition for her attention, affection, or support. She’s the judge in the middle and always rules for what’s best for her future and lets the kids develop their own.
- Otherwise, when mother-love outweighs wife-love, her expressions become biased against husband, which makes him play second fiddle, which makes him jealous of offspring, which makes him want more of the kind of sex she no longer wants to give, which opens his eyes outside the home, which initiates thoughts followed by actual cheating, which opens the door to emotional infidelity, which kills the already squelched spirit of her marriage.
- Marriage comes before family and family before individuals. It’s what husband expects and is willing to devote his self-interest. If wife thinks otherwise, she’s more loyal to herself or kids or both. Thus, her likeability dissolves in husband’s eyes.
Mothers have the burden whether they accept it or not. They are responsible to teach daughters how to fulfill female hopes and dreams and thus amplify their own dreams.
The process in modern times means to bypass teen sex in favor of more permanent relationships. To do so, moms do best when they know and use their own experience in the successful handling of boys, men, and husbands.
This post covered how women get to be wives and how they sustain the respect of that lofty position. Tomorrow continues with a mixture of principles and conditions that provide more fodder for teaching girls.
Tactical Parenting: Encouraging Sexual Restraint
Teens Mixed with Sex. This subject is so complex that I’m foolish to tackle it. However, I’ve come this far and ….
The series just continues to grow. At this stage it takes a lot of effort to peel off the layers and expose the real meat. So, I have again broken what follows into more articles.
Background. Millions of words written and spoken and millions of parental efforts have done nothing to halt the spread of girls earning boy-approval through sexual activity. WADWMUFGAO and adolescent immaturity leads to dreadful habits and long-range effects. Such as men addicted to porn, acceptance of cheating, women exploiting sexual assets but losing in the end, and women able to find marriage but unable to keep husbands and vice versa.
Cause and Effect. That background doesn’t sound all that bad since we’re so accustomed to it. But it causes us to overlook this critical fact. Wives and not single women shape how men think and respond to female interests.
Men marry virtuous women. Virtue is based on qualities that men admire. Men discover virtues while trying to bed a woman. While she refuses, he keeps looking for weaknesses to facilitate conquest. In the process he uncovers qualities that he can admire. Virtues accumulate as he keeps trying to bed her. Eventually, virtues compound into fascination, which eventually shows up as promise he sees in her to improve his lot in life. That’s the process. The motivational forces come from elsewhere.
Men seek to marry a virtuous woman for two reasons that vary from man to man. 1) She makes him look better to both himself and his competitive peers who judge him by his ability to capture and keep a beauty (at least in his eyes). 2) Men seek maximum quality from their investment of self.
Those are subsidiary reasons. The main motivator for a man to enter marriage is that he sees promise in a woman to excite his present life and help fulfill his ambitions for the future. If she can’t or doesn’t help him that way, the lure of sex with her won’t hold him very long. Sex does not bond men, and once conquered a woman becomes expendable even for trivial reasons.
The less that men see virtue in women, the fewer that marry. Marriage enables wives to influence husbands and the male gender. IOW, the less male admiration that women earn as both individual and gender, the fewer individuals find marriage, which transmutes into less female influence with men.
As we see today, the less indirect influence that fewer and fewer successful wives win for all women, the more that single women—with girls following suit—try to win it directly by yielding sex easily and cheaply. Of course it doesn’t work as they wish it. They ignore the inborn nature of males, who have little or no interest in female matters except for sex and however else women can make themselves promising to male interests.
It translates this way. Fewer marriages today means that men can’t find enough qualities to admire in women so that they see enough promise to venture into marriage. At least not enough that they find women likeable enough to pledge masculine willingness to be loyal to what they do find.
It brings us to the teen problem. Cheap and easy sex prevents marriage. Why do teens participate? Girls have no understanding about the connection between deferred gratification and fulfillment of female hopes and dreams. They just don’t know any better, and only mom with dad’s support can change it.
Child-raising. I call it teen risk-avoidance. Teach girls how to be good wives. Let girls—with routine guidance of course but no preaching—worry about how to avoid the mistakes growing up. A girl taught successfully to keep a husband via wifely leadership by example can learn how to handle boys, bullies, men, players, boyfriends, and fiancés. Of course, that’s not all. But when mom uses it for her strategy, she will finally hit all the bases without confusing daughter about self-development, which is her own responsibility for staying out of trouble.
So, I suggest moms develop a new strategy for bringing up daughters. What women do now ain’t working, is it? (Blog readers excluded of course.) Single moms have it worst. They have to start over with 1) the mistakes they made earlier. 2) An imaginary husband to use as role model for teaching. 3) Stop blaming men generally and especially the father of their children. 4) Find the blessings within both genders, regardless of how out of touch they appear today; teach from that. Otherwise, daughters have little recourse but to duplicate moms that have not been all that successful.
I suggest moms become better wives by learning to better handle their husbands, mates, or boyfriends as applicable. Then, they can teach daughters even as early as toddlerhood about men made better by mom’s attention rather than preaching the results of sexual adventuring.
How are toddlers supposed to learn about men? Mom reminds frequently how important her husband is as both mate and father. Mom teaches toddler how and for what to show gratitude to father. Mom demonstrates that her husband outranks father on matters of importance to the child. Mom teaches how to live up to something bigger or someone higher than self. IOW, how to sacrifice oneself on the altar of loving someone. It starts directly with appreciating father and the mother inherits child’s love indirectly by doing the right thing, which a child can recognize very early in life.
When wives do better keeping fathers in the home, daughters will pay more attention to how mom does it. When mom plays the happier tunes in the feminine juke box, father wants to join in, and daughter learns to dance to those harmonies.
So, here are some reinforcing thoughts for moms. Men are pretty happy by nature when they can be satisfied by what they see and not be harangued by contrary words. What do husbands need and expect? Some examples:
- Frequent and convenient sex is his due, he earned it by giving up his independence. To use it against him to get her way is to enter the on-ramp to the highway.
- For him to continue to see her as the likeable person, woman, and wife that he married and to whom he pledged his loyalty and faithful intention.
- For him to see respect, gratitude, dependence, and loyalty in wife’s actions and hear the same in her words.
- For her to appreciate his loyalty to her alone, as she measures it from his duties and similar actions that support her interests, such as mowing the lawn, cleaning her car, earning a pay raise, saving in order to buy first home, remodeling nursery for baby on the way, voluntarily tending an infant, tending mom when she’s sick or just ‘off her feed’.
- For him to be frequently reminded that both his job is vital and his absence acceptable. She depends on her rescheduling ability to preserve her importance.
- For him to see peace throughout his home, which is easiest developed when wife manages both blame and the term out of existence in the home.
- For her to regularly and routinely convince him that he’s both likeable and that she’s loyal to him in all his roles as person, husband, father, employee, friend, et al.
- For him to witness her trying religiously to earn his admiration by making herself more important to him in whatever opportunities arise.
- For both to understand that forgiveness may be impossible for him but easy for her. And that forgetfulness is easy for him but virtually impossible for her.
- For her to bless their home with feminine dignity wrapped in calmness, patience, understanding, and forgiveness. As one woman declared, femininity adds color to a man’s B&W world.
- He measures her trust of him by the way her actions make her appear totally trustworthy. She actually trusts him as part of her nature that tells her to show respect.
- She can and is expected to generate fairness throughout the family. Equality is impossible to achieve in human relations or immediately thereafter becomes inequality. Pursuit of it disturbs peace and harmony.
- For him, she should. But she never understands the belittling that follows her demands or nagging that he perform ‘woman’s work’ as he defines it. (Of course it may not be fair, but it’s the male nature to draw such distinctions, and after conquest men reserve the right to define their obligations.)
- For him to frequently be reminded by her actions that he’s excitingly competent in bed. When teaching daughters, it’s not about sex but about intimacy, touching, feelings, successful togetherness. The promise of permanency to fulfill hopes and dreams rather than the temporariness of teen hook ups and premature destruction of hopes and dreams.
There’s an old saying that two women can’t exist in the same home. The same applies to men when wife acts like a man. Here’s another axiom: It’s the wife more than the mother who keeps the father in the home. IOW, husband outranks father; the marriage is based on husband’s investments of self before father’s responsibility was ‘inherited’. Motherhood changes a wife, when husband expects her not to change. However, husbands of good character and wives of good conscience know how to balance the potential for such husbandly conflict.
Whether you believe God designed or Nature causes it, the sexes are born with all the abilities to be compatible and woman is both relationship expert and initiator. Here’s an example of how and why she works as initiator.
- Women are born fully capable of trusting without reason, which signifies the benefit of their trust to be worth more than the risk. Women benefit much more from men who know they are trusted. Men respect women more easily and respect is essential for a man’s love to develop. The risk is that some men are not trustworthy.
- If a woman blames men generally, a man trusts neither her trust nor respect of him. He’s too vulnerable to being declared wrong for no more reason than being a man.
- If her trust isn’t unconditional for his gender, a man won’t trust her as sincere and therefore respect her. Consequently, the best root for capturing a man’s love is unconditional respect for the male sex.
- God or Nature intends that all men should be trusted except as lessons learned show each woman that some individuals should not. Men are good and necessary except those found to be untrustworthy. Each man can accept that as truth and read it as a woman’s sincerity and her being worthy of his respect.
- Women can’t trust one man but not his gender and expect that his trying to love her will cause him to believe in her trust and, therefore, respect of him. It’s a subconscious suspicion that arises in a man because of self-doubt that exists in those who sincerely love a woman: Do I really deserve her?
- Men are born neither to trust nor respect someone until they earn it. Not necessarily earn it directly. a) Men respect men depending on accomplishments that men admire; that is, what men do holds the potential for masculine respect. b) Men respect women differently. They admire women for their feminine qualities more than female accomplishments. Qualities admired are virtues that earn masculine respect, which serves as foundation for a man’s love of a particular woman. (Men seek to marry a virtuous woman, preferably one more fascinating than other women.)
Men are born not to trust/respect unless others earn it. Women are born to trust and thus earn masculine respect. Thus, a woman’s trust is the first step to gaining the love of a man. Second step, her trust transmutes into his respect, which serves as the foundation for his deciding that she’s both likeable enough for him and he’s willing to be loyal to her, which is the start up of his love.