The following truths serve as foundation of this article. 1) Both sexes are born well-prepared to be compatible as mates. 2) Satisfaction is to men what happiness is to women. Both have to earn it. Men earn satisfaction routinely and directly at their work, while women have to earn it through accumulation of gratitude over time. 3) Women are born prepared as experts to manage relationships toward long-term success by balancing the expectations of the dominant sex versus those of the superior sex. 4) Men can’t, don’t, or won’t manage relationships to achieve success; responsibility lies with relationship experts. 5) Inherent within their dominance, men claim gender superiority to avoid acknowledging the evident superiority of women.
This article serves as counterpoint to Female Blessings at Birth posted alongside. Males at birth inherit the traits and temperament shown below. They supplement womanly blessings, instinct, and intuition and thereby render the sexes capable of compatibility. Better knowledge of the male nature—rather than public opinion, feminist thought, or pop culture expectations—enables women to make better decisions and choices dealing with men and raising sons.
When men follow their hearts closely, they appear pretty much aligned with the items described in the list below. A man’s genetic nature is the primary foundation of his self-image, his picture of himself in his world. A woman’s hopes and dreams have to be merged and enmeshed into his self-image as family responsibility and duty, which then becomes the revised picture of himself that governs his life. The more masculine, manly, and unfeminine he is, the more easily he becomes a reliable, responsible, and handy mate when under the influence and companionship of a good woman—as he determines ‘good’ for him.
The male nature works to every woman’s advantage when kept in the background of relationships. Men don’t disclose their hearts as women do. Life works better for women when they are mysterious to men but not the reverse. Women should keep it to themselves that they understand men. It’s not that men hate being figured out; it’s that they can’t stand to be told that someone knows them as well as they know themselves. It pushes in a man’s face that she’s the superior creature. He can’t figure her out, so she must be superior, which has the effect of neutralizing his dominant spirit. Men don’t like that and her man usually can’t accept it.
Male blessings merge into her life when she judges each male quality this way. She says, yes, it’s natural to a man. As a woman, it fits compatibly with who I am and what I am after. I may have trouble living within what I know is natural for him, but eventually I’ll get over it. Anyway, success in life is more about me living up to myself, which means that I depend on my heart for guidance. Now, how can I use it and what I know about him to further improve our lives together? If I can become a better woman, I can guide him into becoming a better man. He’s designed to do good, if only I can set the proper example for him to follow.
If you recall, Females Blessings at Birth describes how a woman views her heart and the blessings for which she is or should be grateful. Men being different, they just claim who they are. Nothing about gratitude, just the facts, ma’am. They just are who they say they are without expectation to change a whit.
Each item also carries amplifying information in these subheadings. Guy’s view adds commentary to expand on the masculine claim. Society’s view poses an outlook that kind of floats around in society about that particular masculine claim. Woman’s view describes how women may react to hearing a man claim whatever started that particular item.
Claiming both sexes born to be compatible as mates with the other, I focus on reporting affirming and positive blessings here. While I can’t prove it, nor offer more than simple evidence, negative influences against relationship compatibility seem to emanate much more from lessons learned in life, individual tastes, and personality differences.
After they are born, males learn lessons that overpower their hearts even into and through adulthood. All lessons learned that deviate from or don’t amplify and strengthen the traits below tend to make men less masculine and less compatible as mates with women. IOW, the weaker as a natural male, then the less dependable as a mate. But weaker should not be confused with friendlier, next.
Males are born potentially compatible but not very friendly in female terms. Their female friendliness comes in lessons learned in life. It depends on how mothers civilize sons; girls train teen boys for female-respectful adult life; bachelorettes screen, educate, and drop men as inadequate for married life; and wives complete their husbands’ conditioning to excel at domestic life. All females, born as relationship experts, work with similar purpose to train and condition men to live with female friendly behaviors. Or else, men act out their natural propensities that do not favor women and children as women desire and expect. (The institution of ladyhood was killed by feminists, It once unified women to raise boys and educate men to become gentlemen and live up to female values, standards, and expectations in and out of relationships. The unifying effect of ladyhood is now missing, the institution of gentlemen is long gone, and women and children suffer the consequences of the dominant sex overpowering the superior sex.)
Men claim the following describes them. They offer no apologies; it’s just the way they are and what they do. When one believes in his dominance, he doesn’t explain himself to a sex he claims as the weaker of two.
- Until I upgrade them in my interest, women play a subordinate role in my life: a) They can be fun to play with mentally and physically. b) They make marvelous distractions from everyday burdens. c) They are vital for my sex life. d) Having a good mate can make life more convenient, functional, and enjoyable and my ambitions more easily realized. [Guy’s view: It’s the way men are born, not the way they necessarily live. Although, given today’s cultural values, modern men operate closer to their nature as women deviate more and more from theirs. Society’s view: His heart guides each boy and man except as the women in his life modify his thinking to adopt and live more devotedly within female-friendly values and up to womanly expectations. Woman’s view: God, Nature, and hormones have made one of you guys the perfect mate for me. I realize that you won’t be perfect until you and I have lived together successfully for a couple of decades or so. Guy adds more: And she says, but that isn’t fair, it’s not right. And Guy says, read on. She’s still a member of the superior sex and for very good reason. She’s empowered to make compatibility work by balancing his dominance with her superior relationship skills. Enabling herself to do that is a major responsibility in life to her and her children.]
- My life is built on, around, over, under, and through self-respect. [Guy’s view: Self-love enables women to wring all the benefits out of life; without that foundation, they’re unable to adequately identify and serve their own self-interest. It’s the same for men except self-respect is their foundation. Society’s view: His self-respect is his ultimate strength, if he can keep it under control for everyone else. Woman’s view: His self-respect makes him both interesting and easily admirable to me but also to other women.]
- I respect myself but find I must reinforce it regularly by doing something until I am at least temporarily satisfied. [Guy’s view: It’s so evident that we see it begin in toddlers. The more admirable are a man’s achievements, the more satisfied he becomes. Satisfactions compound and help build his significance. With all that, the greater his self-respect builds up, it also strengthens his character. The greater his self-respect, the greater is his ability to monitor his character traits with integrity. Society’s view: His work is a man’s life. Woman’s view: Yes, but can you share more time with your woman and earn that satisfaction by providing/protecting for your family?]
- I feel satisfied and respectable after completing something I set out to do. Less so when ordered to do it or it’s not my idea. And disrespected when told to do something I already know how to do. [Guy’s view: Here’s a rule of thumb for leaders, both male and female. Don’t tell men more than one or two of these three factors on any work request or assignment: what, when, and how to do it. Leave as much as possible to their discretion. Society’s view: He’s independently energized to produce results. Woman’s view: If you can be a good producer, you can also be a good provider/protector/problem solver for me.]
- My self-respect becomes reinforced when I do everything right the first time. But I become frustrated with disturbing surprises, unjustified interruptions, and when things don’t proceed or turn out my way. [Guy’s view: In things they do, men live through three conditions: Expectation of success, frustration at interruptions of progress, and satisfaction on completion. Thus, a man’s mini-processes are the counterpoint to a woman’s process of living a good life. He lives in a multitude of factual and completed events that occupy him once, a few times, or repeatedly. She lives in one big, endless, inevitable fur-ball process with most things of nearly equal importance. Society’s view: He’s energized to satisfy himself first in whatever he does. Woman’s view: You have the potential to please me by helping produce what I want out of life.]
- I respect myself for doing something better as I see it—or doing something else as I want it—and enabling it all to lead to contentment. IOW, life’s rewards are in the satisfaction that comes from doing what I want to do and just how I want to do it. [Guy’s view: Starting as toddlers, men develop themselves to primarily please themselves. They perform to please others only when expectations for recognition precede or promises of greatness promote their ability into something even more satisfying. IOW, they react favorably to those who believe in them more than they believe in themselves. Society’s view: He’s very independent. Woman’s view: I can believe in you.]
- I work to accomplish things and feelings don’t count as things (except self-respect and perhaps my pleasures). [Guy’s view: That quality arises out of each man’s primal urge to learn to control Nature when it impedes his effort, compete with other men, and shape human events to his own satisfaction. Society’s view: He’s easily understandable through his actions. Woman’s view: If I can understand you, I can live with you. If you are dependable, I can depend on you.]
- I am my own man. I don’t change to please others and especially not females. [Guy’s view: It takes effective brainwashing, indoctrination (e.g., military recruit training), or serious threats to force men to change. Even then it may not be too permanent. There is an exception. If a man wants to conquer a particular women and she refuses to yield, he will usually come around to her way of thinking. Not to please her—since he doesn’t change for anyone—as to please himself that he’s doing what a conqueror has to do and the best he can. Over time his new behaviors become habitual and then devotional, which is the greatest endorsement of a long courtship. Society’s view: What you see is what you get. He can be depended upon to be steadfast in whatever character he exhibits. IOW, who you see is who he is. Woman’s view: I can depend on you, as I know you’ll not be changing your character to please someone else.]
- I don’t respect myself when I criticize others. I don’t like my tendency to criticize myself, and so I don’t inflict it on anyone else. Let them learn from their own mistakes the same way I do. [Guy’s view: Men criticize themselves much as women impose guilt on themselves. The difference being that men get over frustration quickly and move on without much if any guilt. Society’s view: Mistakes don’t stall his efforts but merely slow him down. Woman’s view: Then why do you criticize me and my efforts to please you?]
- I respect myself even when I seem to act impulsively. Much of what I accomplish well is prompted by need to act quickly. [Guy’s view: Impulsiveness is another initiator or energizer that stimulates men to do what they do best, which is to add efficiency/convenience/wealth to their lives through accomplishments that earn self-admiration and provide personal satisfaction. Society’s view: He always busy. He always has more to do even during breaks for relaxation, rest, and restoring his energy. Woman’s view: You’re not likely to shirk responsibility of the family and domestic interests, if I can ever motivate and keep you energized to fulfill those interests.]
- I respect myself for being a good ‘figure-outer’. I believe in what I figure out much easier and more indelibly and reliably than what others convince me of. (So, why stop and ask for directions?) [Guy’s view: It’s an outcome from three masculine traits: His struggle to remain independent, his competitive spirit relating with men, and his dominant spirit with women. Society’s view: He appears stubborn. Woman’s view: You’re smart and tough but I can’t admire your stubborn streak—except, of course, on those occasions when I learn that I benefit in the long run.]
- Having to explain myself is contrary to my self-respect. [Guy’s view: Men dislike people who impose authority—moral or otherwise—to make them explain themselves. It dissolves friendliness, and you see it in toddlers. Moms, bosses, and wives as authority figures easily become intolerant as men see it. Society’s view: Not alibi-ing to others increases inner strength, because internal pressures are not relieved by sharing. Woman’s view: I have trouble finding admiration in this trait. Typically, I can’t stand it. If you can’t or won’t explain yourself, how can I judge whether I am at fault or have contributed? (His silence pleads for her guilt, and she doesn’t understand but intuitively dislikes the apparent connection.)]
- I support and uphold self-respect by living by and with my responsibilities and decisions surrounding them. [Guy’s view: Decisions he makes are like promises, and he doesn’t break promises to himself. Perhaps to others but not to himself. Society’s view: Inner strength grows from keeping himself aligned closely with his self-determined agenda. Woman’s view: I admire your inner strength but I can help relieve the pressure you impose on yourself.]
- Criticize me if you like. I can take it. Do it too much though and I’ll get even or leave. [Guy’s view: Self-respect and self-assurance of his rightness enable a man to resist criticism. Society’s view: He’s not susceptible to fashion, popularity, and eagerness to please. Woman’s view: How can he be so unconcerned with what others think?]
- My erections are to be used. How I do it contributes significantly to self-respect. Hard thrusting and deep penetration amplify my sense of dominance and enhance my self-worth like nothing else. Orgasm isn’t the prime mover; it’s feedback of job well done. [Guy’s view: On the darker side, men rationalize away guilt to assuage their conscience about mistreating others. Example: They commit to porn, infidelity, and even promiscuity for its own sake. So much pleasing of themselves shrivels their conscience and weakens their self-respect without them being aware. It produces disguised biases in others who can’t be sure but even suspicion works against guilty men. Their self-respect declines further as they see the admiration of others diminish. It all becomes visible in the lack of respect from others that each guilty man previously enjoyed. Society’s view: People think they know far more than they do and guilty men should feel more guilty. Woman’s view: You can’t have me AND outside sexual interest. It’s your decision if you have the courage to decide one way or the other. Confusion in your heart about where both your sexual and emotional interest lies stalks my conscience like nothing else.]
- My sex drive comes in two very different versions. a) Conquer every sexually attractive woman I can, which significantly amplifies self-respect. b) Satisfy my other sexual urges in the best way available at the moment of erection, which reinforces self-respect unless my conscience says otherwise. [Guy’s view: Men are instinctively energized to conquer attractive women; that’s easy to understand. It’s not easy to grasp this completely or even correctly: Conquest does the opposite of bonding a man. It actually releases him from the conquered in order to seek the next target. That’s his nature until lessons learned make him more honorable in the eyes of females. Whether he learns or not depends on responsible conduct taught in childhood, obligations girls taught him in adolescence, and how courtship programmed his heart before conquest. Society’s view: Just don’t demo your sexual proclivities to the public. Woman’s view: I’m worth much more than you’re willing to pay so far, Buster, so try more pleasantly to work your way into my heart or I’m ending it.]
- Purity is important but symbolic. I prefer a virgin bride in order to beat out all those other guys who tried and failed. As with other things I pursue, being first earns self-admiration, provides satisfaction, and enhances self-respect. [Guy’s view: Women claim untarnished sexual history as a female’s virtue. It’s only a ‘perhaps’, because they don’t understand what’s in the male heart other than hard-heartedness. Female virtue is whatever one man admires in one woman and may or may not include virginity. It comes from this natural phenomenon; men are motivated to earn self-admiration and so they value greatly what they admire. They are satisfied by pleasing themselves when they find features and traits they can admire in a woman. It quickly makes them pleased and satisfied with themselves by associating with her. The more virtue he sees, the more his interest grows until he’s fascinated by her. When fascination grows into the promise she apparently has for supporting his present life and helping fulfill his ambitions, his interest grows toward mating. If she holds out instead of shacking up, he comes around to marriage. Out of that phenomenon of male behavior, her virtues emerge as both capturing and holding power over a particular man. Consequently, it’s much less what she does than what he perceives in her that gets him to the altar. Society’s view: I didn’t know that. Woman’s view: I didn’t know that either.]
- My conscience is guided by what’s best for my self-interest, which may or may not include the interest of someone else. [Guy’s view: Women in particular claim self-interest to be synonymous with selfish. Not even close. Self-interest is the summary of everything in our lives prioritized by each of us to have the greatest meaning and thereby the greatest motivational force. It’s all of what we need, want, and value rolled into one concept. Self-interest prompt all our actions, it’s the driver of our motivating force and reinforces our self-centeredness. Selfish is different. Men are less inclined to be selfish than women. It comes from their belief in themselves as their own problem solver. By adulthood most raw, one-way selfishness has been bred out of us. We learn that it’s counterproductive and mutual self-centeredness renders mutual respect. Society’s view: Self-interest is the main driver of all things political, legal, economic, social, domestic, medical, professional, and…well, you get the picture. Woman’s view: I love to see a man’s conscience operating in favor of ‘us’ rather than him or me. It’s what I always look for to confirm his emotional fidelity.]
- I am easily self-encouraged to both play and be lazy, but I’m built for work. Self-satisfaction lies with work and I can’t always play or be lazy. I love to build, disassemble, grow, change, improve, and replace things to make life easier. Enabling and earning laziness that way provides immense satisfaction. [Guy’s view: Men are dedicated to the task at hand: work, study, rest, reading, relaxation, recovery, responsibility, fun and games, or whatever. Interruptions are unwelcome; they disturb a man’s focus and intensity of effort and may cause resentment, resistance, and even retaliation. Basically, men are architects of functionality, focus on efficiency, and find self-admiration in generating effectiveness. They specialize in labor-saving methods, techniques, and devices to encourage making life easier (i.e., lazier and allowing for more playfulness). Popularity and perfection may enthuse them, but mostly in narrow wedges of their interest, such as to please a particular group, person, or self. Society’s view: He will play or work and he expects to determine which. He’s not inclined to overdo himself and prefers to work patiently. Sense of playfulness and laziness are his safety valves for not overworking. Woman’s view: Provided you’ve been brought up properly, you’re adequate and perhaps a candidate to produce/provide/protect/problem-solve for me and mine. You have the potential to do good, so why don’t you and I do it together? Also, I wish I could switch on and off as easily as you between what I have to do and rest and relaxation. I always have something else to do. How come you take R&R after a day’s work and I can only take it at bedtime and even then I over extend myself to rate it?]
- I am responsible only for myself until I purposely step up to something or someone else, which takes a lot of someone’s selling for me to buy in. [Guy’s view: The manner in which he is raised determines the ease and effectiveness with which he accepts responsibility for others and for things not directly of interest to him. Examples: Momentarily or permanently putting someone else’s interests ahead of his own, giving instead of taking, or standing up for the innocent. Also, note the contradiction that women have to work out. He expects to be sold on providing/protecting but she expects to be sold on his merit as potential mate. He buys into the mating concept by selling her on the idea of buying into him. IOW, women in their relationship expert role have to convince men to sell themselves down the marital river. Society’s view: Leave it alone. It’s as life should be and works the best. Mutual selling begets mutual buying. He’s both capable and self-centered enough to take care of himself, which enables him to help others. Woman’s view: Durn, I didn’t know it works like that.]
- I’m simple. I respect myself for being pretty easy to understand. [Guy’s view: He wants what he wants when he wants it, and that applies to getting and doing things and even disposing of matters of no further interest. To understand men, examine and analyze what they do and not what they say. That’s what they do with women. Words have a way of expressing things out of kilter with actions. Society’s view: He’s easy for relationship experts to understand. His actions earn respect; his words may or may not. Woman’s view: You’re putty in my hands if and when I learn to do it right with you. OTOH, I expect to respect your words about responsibilities, obligations, and feelings, so don’t lie to me or my respect goes out the window.]
- I love to idle my mind, to shift into neutral. It’s nourishes me mentally. [Guy’s view: If confronted, he claims his mind also needs rest. It’s half-true at best. When a man appears to go idle in his mind, he’s really not so unoccupied. He’s thinking about something important that he’s unwilling to share at the time if ever. He’s not through with some subject. When he gets through, he may share it as appropriate. Society’s view: Men know instinctively to relieve excess mental strain. Woman’s view: I don’t think I can admire you for that; it’s too unproductive and seems to even go against your nature. I know it goes against mine. But I may someday get to love you for it. OTOH, if I trust you, I understand. If I’m the least bit suspicious, distrustful, or you’re dislikeable in your ‘idle’ moods, I resent it or you’re just lazy.]
- I’m not fearful. I can figure out how to prevent or overcome whatever comes up. [Guy’s view: A man’s claim to be fearless becomes one of the major keys to compatibility. It releases him to focus on the present while his mate accepts the present as being taken care of by him and enables her to focus on their future together in hopes and with plans to fulfill her hopes and dreams. It ties in with a man’s primal urge to focus on the present rather than the future. He can handle the future if he takes care of the present. However, men work hard to prevent losing face—especially among male competitors and women of interest. It’s a major reason they seem inordinately concerned about accuracy and not making mistakes. Society’s view: He’s fearless until circumstances justify fear. When considering important people or those close to him, he’s very conscious to hide whatever fear may have arisen. Whatever makes couples more compatible but doesn’t harm others is good. Woman’s view: You’re very masculine and even your presence helps calm my fears. I love it when a good man helps keep me focused on taking us toward fulfillment of my hopes and dreams. Now, if you will just do what I say and stay out of my way.]
- I can recover from almost anything and know who to recruit for help if I need it. [Guy’s view: While men dislike being imperfect in their actions, most of them learn early in life that procrastination can be costly and fear can paralyze. So, they like to focus more on action first and let recovery finish whatever is needed. He’s really saying, leave me alone. I know what I’m doing. Society’s view: He’s a man of action. Okay, we’ll leave you alone. Woman’s view: You’re dependable. I can’t leave you alone. Cut me in on your deal. I want to help.]
- Complaining produces no beneficial results except to make me feel better about relieving myself of unwanted mental burdens. [Guy’s view: Men have a natural knack for learning how best to relieve their unwanted mental burdens. They are quite opposite of women, who load up on guilt rather than seek relief or forgetfulness. Also, silently absorbing mental burdens strengthens a man’s character. He knows his limits when only he is involved. But, when responsible for others, it can take him too far. Society’s view: Men and women are different. He has a strong and resilient character; she has a strong and resilient spirit. Woman’s view: Men are lucky and so undeserving of that ability. I can enjoy standing behind someone with strong strength of character to match my spirit.]
- I see no reason for more than minimal foreplay. If I’m ready, she’s ready. [Guy’s view: It’s too difficult to teach better manners in childhood. Teen girls are too desperate, ignorant, and inexperienced for guys to listen. Pre-conquest courtship is the only time. As to the only way, earning his devotion is paramount. Whatever he does more than once, twice, or maybe thrice convinces a man that he’s the best or nearly best at that thing. Kissing is so critical to dealing with women, as with making love, he has to think he’s great or his self-respect is endangered. Society’s view: Ho, hum. Not any of our business. Foreplay and especially ability to fornicate—as opposed to making love as women view it—are foundations of his self-confidence dealing with women. Woman’s view: Silently she thinks, you no good *#@&%$#@*! You better do things differently sooner rather than later. Only in my imagination based on your looks and my desire do I expect more than wham, bam, thank you ma’am.]
- Everyone has to earn my respect first before I trust them. [Guy’s view: Thus, men are not by nature highly effective leaders; they start off on the wrong foot. Showing trust first to earn respect is far superior in the long run to being shown respect by followers before trusting them. It’s also another sex difference. To women, trust comes first and respect arises out of that. To men, respect comes first and trust arises out of that. However, the sex difference works against wives in two ways. 1) Men don’t appreciate unearned gifts. 2) If she trusts husband without his having been exposed to lures and rejected them solely on his decisions, then he doesn’t deserve her trust. In his mind, her unearned gift of trust is unappreciated since he’s the opposite and measures her on his scale. Thus, showing trust without his having rejected other women in favor of her makes her trust unearned and unappreciated. Convoluted, huh? Thus, jealousy and trying to deny a man exposure to other women is the poisonous and most common emotion that prevents his earning her trust. IOW, jealousy indirectly kills trust.] Society’s view: It’s easier to know where someone stands with a man than a woman. Woman’s view: Both instinct and intuition tell me that Guy is right. With a man of interest, respect first until it reflects back to me that I’m important to him; then I can show trust. With others, trust first and let it grow into respect as they reflect credit back to me as being important to them.]
- I’m very particular about food, money, and women and don’t care to explain myself. [Guy’s view: Generally, taste buds rule food consumption just as opportunity to display dominance. Money is to be made useful, whether saved for tomorrow or spent to make life convenient. Attractiveness determines a woman’s importance to a man’s eyes; conquest first and worth keeping second. A man’s tastes in food, money, and women are three of the most popular ways that men ‘sell’ their dominance. They are at heart more flexible but showing off their particularities reinforces their sense of dominion. (Example: I never eat mashed potatoes (which sends the message you better not cook them for me either.) Society’s view: He has deeply embedded values to guide him on matters of mutual interest with women. We see no endangerment in your peculiarities. Woman’s view: So what else is new? I can handle it. I can live with you being like that.]
- I’m not particular about emotions except my own. I can handle mine and expect others to do the same. [Guy’s view: It’s the root of men minding their own business when they can. It makes more impressive any rescue he performs. It’s one reason a man can’t tolerate female tears for very long. His nature urges him to do something, but he is ignorant about the female nature and what will work. Providing comfort to someone is not his bag. He’s inadequate even though most men learn that’s just what a crying woman wants most. Still, a man expects to do more but hasn’t the foggiest notion where to start. Society’s view: It’s not only easier but desirable for him to remain aloof from the minor trouble of others. No one seems endangered so it’s none of our business. Woman’s view: When I need comfort, I’m better off turning to a woman, although I expect my man to rise to the occasion every time even though he never has before so he won’t this time either. Even being comforted by someone else, I crave his comforting presence.]
- I’m a man of habit. I like what I like and expect to keep doing it and loving it. [Guy’s view: Much like #28 above, men use their habits to convey their dignity, describe their inability to change, and indirectly express their dominance. Society’s view: We see no infringement on others, so it’s okay by us. Woman’s view: So, will you never change? Will you always be so thick-headed?]
- My weaknesses shame me, and illness tends to do the same. [Guy’s view: Further explanation is unnecessary. Society’s view: We never see evidence of that. It’s too personal for exposure. Woman’s view: It’s hard to believe, but I think I’ve seen slight hints of it in other men. Mine would never admit to such a thing.]
- I’m a good lover whenever I choose to be but most women are not worth the extra effort. [Guy’s view: Many men learn differently as they mature in continual search and reach for hot women; they learn that rewards lie in waiting by dispensing extra effort. Dishing out orgasmic excellence to women floods a man’s psyche with self-admiration reinforced by female excitement and pleasure. But it’s usually short lived; conquerors must move on. It’s a dream world that seems endless to both sexes. Self-dubbed as super-saver of love-starved women, self-satisfaction soars out of sight for the men who leave women behind to only fantasize and read “50 Shades of Grey” again. Society’s view: It’s none of our business. Woman’s view: If I’ve never had that kind of experience, I want it. If I have, I want my man or next man to get it.
- I don’t expect others to like me. If they do that’s fine. If that don’t that’s okay too. [Guy’s view: 1) That’s only truly accurate for men who know or suspect they are liked, They confirm it handily because they’re pretty sure they are already liked. 2) However, men without the natural appeal or belief they are liked are quite different. Those in 1 can even claim it to display faux modesty. Those in 2 claim their birth inheritance is a firm conviction; it’s okay to not like them, which displays their strength of individualism. How much of those in 2 are accurately reporting or just rationalizing is anybody’s guess. Both groups want to be liked and both learn to use their inherited trait to their advantage. Society’s view: We’re only involved with such things when it’s reduced to the individual level. Woman’s view: I like you and will continue unless you betray me.]
- I’m a creature of habit, ones that I create; I have little or no wish to change. [Guy’s view: It keeps coming up in the male nature. Men allege they don’t change except under rare conditions where they decide it’s in their best interest. And I keep verbalizing that on principle they are right. However, men do change much more than they claim and sometimes dramatically as they become devoted to a fascinating woman. If their devotion continues over the years in successful marriage, they morph more and more into becoming what wives hope to see and finally turn into her Mr. Right. Society’s view: Everyone has habits and choose to change them whenever they wish. It only takes will power. Woman’s view: There are good and bad habits, and you can imagine which I prefer in my man.]
- I will make a difference. Don’t know when or where, but I will. [Guy’s view: This is the root of men changing themselves. In the effort to increase their significance in life, men change dramatically inside and keep from exposing it to others. They understand more clearly than women that difference-making depends more on personal significance than almost anything else. Society’s view: The benefits of who you know being more influential than what you know depends on someone else’s appraisal of your significance in the marketplace of ideas and life and to both self and others. Therefore, we all get to judge your ability to make a difference that will affect the lives of other people. Woman’s view: Significance means power and I like to indulge myself in men with power.]
- I’m capable of doing good in life but everyday conditions don’t make it worthwhile. Incentives are lacking to do anything but take care of myself as best I can. [Guy’s view: As the second sentence suggests, a man is waiting for someone to incentivize him to do good, to use his ability. It may only be a wisp of a desire to be good, but men are ready to do good in order to earn being thought of as good. Society’s view: Men are capable of being and doing far more good than they produce. Woman’s view: I’m made to be good, and I earn it best when I can get a man or men to do good. To capitalize on their natural capability to do good, but which they will not use until woman or women incentivize them properly.]
- I’m a daily guy. I feel a sense of dignity if I have somewhere to go in the morning, some obligation to start my day. I can handle tomorrow when it gets here. [Guy’s view: This claim springs from the primal urge of men to focus on the present, while women focus on the future. It’s a match up of primal foundations that help sustain compatibility. Society’s view: So what, we didn’t know that. Woman’s view: One of the toughest challenges I face is letting you govern our present day endeavors, because you’re not so free to let me plan and manage our future together. I have to admit, marriage works better doing it, but it’s not easy getting you to go along.]
- The primary purpose of money is convenience, mostly for use now. [Guy’s view: Men, being present-oriented are not primarily savers. Women, OTOH, are better. They spend more time and effort preparing for the future. Society’s view: We need men to do what makes economic sense. Woman’s view: I expect you to take care of our money in ways that optimize our lives together, both for now and in the future. If you can’t, won’t, or don’t, I expect that you will turn control over to me. In the end, it’s not how much money we earn and have, it’s how we control what we do have.
- I intuitively reject efforts to be or act female-like. It weakens my self-respect and makes me less respectable to both men and women. [Guy’s view: Men instinctively reject Feminism, because it directly and indirectly demeans the male gender. Feminists seek to replace patriarchy with matriarchy, even though the former has proven itself as the only form of human togetherness over six or seven millennia of history and archeological evidence. Matriarchy hasn’t even been sampled (although a smidgen of evidence in ancient Turkey suggests it may have been tried but failed quickly). Because men don’t, won’t, or can’t do relationship maintenance, women presume their apparent disinterest to mean unqualified. Consequently, with feminist encouragement, women don’t listen to men but only to women about issues that concern men and relationships. Society’s view: Feminism is necessary to advance the political, legal, and economic agendas of women. Female advancement in the social and domestic arenas is the responsibility of individuals as they are empowered by new laws and customs. Woman’s view: I want you to act more sensitively and appreciatively toward females and especially me, to help equalize women in relationships and homes. Admittedly, the more you act as women behave, the more easily you fit into what I expect, so I don’t worry about your self-respect. It’s yours to worry about. I want to be treated as an equal, just as others expect it.]
- Might makes right. [Guy’s view: It’s hardwired in the male heart and fosters survival of the fittest through dominance, strength, and use of power. But the sexes differ. Women prefer right makes might, but it’s not tattooed in their hearts. It’s another paradox. For women to convert men to right-makes-might thinking, they have to use logic, reason, and hard-headedness—male strengths—in order to influence men to a simple switchover in philosophy that leads to less aggressiveness and thus more protection for females and children. Society’s view: Whatever! More important things drown such thinking. Woman’s view: On the issue, women are more right than wrong. The male beast must be controlled better, and right makes might is a superior philosophy.]
- I’m a taker. I appreciate whatever I may get but I don’t much respect those who give something for nothing. I expect to earn what I get. [Guy’s view: It’s male hard-heartedness in action. It makes men present themselves as anti-social and mothers inherit the task of converting sons to be less a taker and more a giver. Society’s view: Male hard-heartedness is one reason we have laws to control human behavior. Woman’s view: I wish your mom had raised you better and to be less self-centered, which I often see as just selfishness.]
- As a hunter-conqueror I find hard-to-conquer targets far more appealing and valuable as reinforcement for my self-respect. [Guy’s view: Hard, harder, and hardest to conquer equates to her worth, worthy, and worthiest, respectively. As his self-respect grows, he’s enabled to respect her more, and a man’s love originates in and remains tied to his respect for a woman. The process of fruitlessly trying to conquer is how the process of learning to love develops and when the development of devotion takes place. Society’s view: All that is the business of individuals. Woman’s view: I didn’t know that’s how failing to yield works to my advantage.]
- The most intolerable offense against my self-respect is sexual infidelity of my mate. Revealing my sexual shortcomings to anyone is second. Lying is third and stealing fourth. [Guy’s view: Men are simple in their priorities, but you will notice that each is an offense to him. He’s not as naturally bound to not lie or steal as he is to find extreme fault in the first two ‘offenses’. Society’s view: We have laws to discourage or punish lying and stealing but not the rest. Woman’s view: I can understand and accept male shortcomings until they lie about their motivations, intentions, promises. Lies and distortions remove me from being able to help, which means that I have no role with him, which means that my self-importance must be earned elsewhere, which means that husband’s lies apply pressures that push me toward cheating and just what he hates most.]
- A woman who diligently protects her sexual assets as her greatest asset earns respect. To protect more is to be respected more. [Guy’s view: A woman’s greatest asset is not her ability to provide sex. It’s what a man has never conquered; it’s their first sex together that’s her greatest asset. Society’s view: It’s none of our business; it’s an individual matter. Woman’s view: I know all about that intuitively but so many things suggest differently that I overlook or have forgotten it.]
- After conquering a woman, I ‘own’ our sexual agenda. When I want it, I get it. [Guy’s view: As objectionable as it is to women, it is deeply rooted in the male psyche as a well-deserved conqueror’s right. A woman’s best defense against it is to water down his determination with extra respect and gain his willingness to more highly regard her interest. Society’s view: He expects too much. Every modern political value and feminist principle says that women own their own bodies. Woman’s view: I’m confused. My heart tells me that my sexual availability is a price I pay for him to fit himself into our deal to mate up and help fulfill my hopes and dreams. My mind tells me that other people don’t think I should pay that high a price. Does the man to whom I just yielded the first time qualify as worthy of ‘owning’ me? Does my self-interest lie with my heart or mind? My heart tells me that it depends on whether he becomes devoted and cherishes me, or whether he doesn’t. Heart rules when he does and mind when he doesn’t. That makes perfect sense to me.]
- I don’t like to admit it, but my greatest fear is insignificance. [Guy’s view: His significance is the past accumulation, compounding, and future prospects of his drive to earn self-admiration and the satisfactions that grow out of those efforts and accomplishments. It’s who he is doing what he does; his measure of him in his world. Insignificance is claim or doubt imposed by self or a respectable/credible/believable other person or event. Society’s view: That’s personal business until it adversely impacts society. Woman’s view: Given that it’s his greatest fear, my job is to ensure that my man never runs into that obstruction; I fear it would seriously harm our relationship. My greatest fear is abandonment; perhaps if I ensure that he never feels insignificant, he will be less likely to abandon me. It’s a one-way, two-winner outcome that may help me manage our relationship.]
- I only need one thing. A place to flop, eat, throw my things, and prepare to fight tomorrow’s dragons. I need my stuff to be left alone so I can find it when I need it. [Guy’s view: He’s easy to please, either hut or castle, so long as he’s king. Society’s view: Do what makes economic sense and we all benefit. Woman’s view: I need a brighter future. Reckon we can team up? I can build your castle, if you let me run it. As to your being king to my queen, we’ll work something out. As to leaving your stuff alone, how can I maintain a littered castle to my satisfaction? We’re going to have to talk about that and I will be looking for cooperation.]
- I crave the freedom to make my own decisions and to live my own life as I decide. [Guy’s view: He has a strong sense of responsibility and duty aimed primarily at his own self-interest. It takes feminine fascination, endless patience, and charming indirectness by one woman to convert his self-interest into mutual interest for fulfilling her hopes and dreams. Society’s view: To mention freedom brings up the subject of politics; we have to first take that into consideration. Woman’s view: I can live with your decisions so long as ‘us’ comes before you and me.]
- My primary challenge in life is to beat all those other guys who aspire to do what I want to do. [Guy’s view: The most deeply rooted expression of that is the masculine desire to marry a virgin. Oh, not for the purity of it as much as the promise of going where no other guy has gone before. Bragging rights are then made more self-satisfied by silence as he envisions the admiration of all those guys who tried and failed to score with his woman. Society’s view: Just keep it lawful and without infringement on the rights of others. Woman’s view: Generally, I believe in the principle of a woman saving herself for her husband. But, lordy , lordy, lordy, is it ever difficult and full of unyielding pressure. OTOH, your competitive spirit reflects credit on your personal strength and drive.]
- I am not easily offended. Even when I am, I get over it fairly easy. I like it best and things work better when normal is what is normal for me. [Guy’s view: Men have a streak of self-defense in them that enables them to determine something offensive as not part of their self-interest at that time. Therefore, it’s easily ignored. OTOH, they also have a streak of determined silence about things they don’t want to address or consider. Combined, the two streaks enable men to hide, escape, or get over offenses that would rock a woman’s composure. Society’s view: We can and should expect almost any kind of behavior out of men. Woman’s view: If I don’t know how you feel, I don’t know how to act or react. If you don’t reveal how offended you may be, I don’t know how to recover if my fault.]
- As circumstances dictate, I am ready willing and able to compete with whomever and whatever is necessary. I intend to determine how events turn out such that my responsibilities and self-interests are neither infringed nor go unfulfilled. [Guy’s view: It manifests as stubbornness. Society’s view: We tolerate stubbornness. Woman’s view: I can’t tolerate your stubbornness; my reasons should overcome it. Why are you so obstinate, when I have every reason for you not to be.]
- I am unwilling to argue long or deeply with a woman once we’ve had sex together. I conquer and therefore I rule. Conquest proves my superior station and expectation of her submissiveness. [Guy’s view: Lessons learned in life amplify his claim. Men learn they lose self-respect when they lose arguments with their woman. It takes away their imagined superiority won with conquest. Consequently, they find many ways to avoid arguing—including departing scene or relationship—unless their respect for her is minimal and they shout or in some cases beat her into submission. Society’s view: It’s a matter for individual resolution unless violence takes place. Woman’s view: Now I know why a submissive spirit, patience, and indirectness work so well for me. They discourage argument; it works best if I get my way by other means.]
There must be more qualities that men claim about themselves; ones they inherit at birth. But they have not yet come to mind. I invite readers, especially men, to propose revisions or new claims we males may inherit that makes us difficult to deal with.
In the meantime, I ask all readers for your opinion about experiences regarding the accuracy of manly claims posted above. It’s intended to never be a permanent posting. It’s how men are born and not what they learn in life; you can see early traces in toddler boys. Agree or disagree? Suggestion: Use B for believable or U for unbelievable. Truth and clarity drive me to do this. Other comments are also welcome and desired if you take exception to anything.