Not convinced yet? I continue with another Garden of Eden root that exemplifies the superior sex. I’ll kill the mystery now but you already know so it’s not really a mystery: Love is superior to respect (although men will disagree instinctively in defense of male dominance). These self-worth emotions are inherited at birth: her self-love and his self-respect. Consequently, she begins life with the advantage for inducing men to yield their interests sufficiently in order to provide and protect her and her children. Gifted with self-love enables women to love others according to the way that women love—emotionally and clearly not dependent on male-like logic and reason. Their love is virtually endless unless turned off by love objects. Not that they love everybody, but they are capable of it. Their hearts overflow with loving thoughts whereas the male heart is only capable of loving those who qualify. Gifted with self-respect enables men to respect others but there’s a catch. Women can love without it being earned by the one loved. Men are different. A man respects those who earn it either from him or someone else that he respects. Moreover, the foundation of masculine love is respect, which makes it essential that a sex target earn his respect if she hopes to be more than his target. OTOH, women love too easily for men; they can love someone without respecting them so men are suspicious of womanly claims of love because it’s so different from man-think. It puts couples in this fix. A woman can love a man all day. Without earning his respect, however, hers will be unrequited love. It begs the question, what does a woman have or do that earns manly respect? The list is practically endless but it boils down to this: She’s female and acts it; she’s uniquely not male; she has feminine qualities that he admires to the point of fascination; and she has promise as a potential mate. Out of all that, provided she is also likeable to him as a person and woman, a man can devote himself loyally to one woman. In a reverse maneuver to earn respect without giving away the store, women compensate instinctively with a superior technique. Before, during, and after women fall for a man, femininity calls for them to exercise patience and depend on him to make himself worthy of her. They make men the sellers and women the buyers. They recognize that it takes time for a man’s respect to grow, discover and admire her qualities, appreciate her fascination, and realize that she holds enough promise for him to see her as his mate, his helpmate for fulfilling his ambitions. That reverse maneuver puts women in the driver’s seat of the marital bus. Who has the superior role? Driver or shotgun? Without the females’ natural ability to exploit their patience in order to generate mutual love with a man, not much marriage or permanent mating takes place.
Tag Archives: Femininity
I continue with another Garden of Eden root that adds credence to the supposition that females make up the superior sex.
Love’s Additive. The sexes love so differently that an additive is essential to help generate and lubricate mutual love, tenderize it for permanence, and thus enable a couple to live together compatibly and enjoyably. Without love, there is no ‘couple’. Without the additive to attract men, energize women, and lubricate their togetherness, there is too little permanence.
You may recall from earlier blog posts. Men are primarily producers and women processors. Think of love as a process, loving someone as the result, and women as being in charge of the process. By accepting responsibility, it puts women in charge of providing the ingredient that eases or erases friction and enables couples to harmonize their compatibility. It’s the superior ingredient that’s required for long-range marital success.
A couple’s love develops over time; the proper additive expedites it. Sex likenesses within a couple don’t generate much friction but boredom follows too easily especially after romantic love fades. OTOH, sex differences help prevent boredom with one another. For that and other reasons, sex differences make the stronger foundation for compatible togetherness. Differences also carry the greatest potential for friction between mates. Therefore, the need for a lubricant. Fortunately, the lubricant is the same additive that helps women attract men.
Both attracter and lubricant? Sure. The additive? Femininity. The expression of numerous female traits in ways that make women uniquely different from men, who have little interest in staying very long with a manly woman. They want to marry a virtuous woman, and masculine features in a woman are neither admired nor virtuous. Especially if she tries to get her way more than previously by relying on her manly qualities to overpower his.
Men see female qualities they admire and consider to be virtues. Femininity adds more man-sensed quality, which provides the extra magnetic-like effect that flows out of both glue and lubricant to hold a couple together more smoothly and longer. It’s more what he sees and imagines than what she thinks, does, and tries.
Men tend to stay with their earlier decisions, especially the ones of high quality that confirm they know what they are doing and that it is right. Also easier to live with later. If he’s attracted by a woman’s femininity and decides to marry her, he gets to learn years later that his choosing her was the right decision. It’s another blessing that permeates conscientious femininity. It confirms constantly that a man is doing the right thing for himself and ipso facto for her, which conscientious men accept as their responsibility.
Why does it happen that way? Because of a superior trait in women. The more they act like very feminine females, the more it confirms their self-importance, solidifies their character as being both strong and right, and improves their personal magnetism as they interface with a mate of many years. Very feminine women are quicker learners about men and togetherness than their less feminine peers.
Men are unable to produce such a superior product to generate and preserve relationships.
741. He can’t be successful to himself, if others see him weakened by his wife. His competitors are outside the home. Her dominant attitude can’t be missed there. 
742. The sexual pleasures for a woman are outweighed by the other things she needs for a happy life. Men have other interests too and for the most part let sex substitute for whatever is missing. 
743. When she makes herself worthy of a man by easily or readily providing sex, it doesn’t matter much if she’s pretty and attractive. Sloppy or comfortable will work for her, but it adds nothing to his reputation for having a good looker. It diminishes her worth as keeper. 
744. When you think men are only after one thing, your adolescent side shows. You primarily attract adultolescent men, and they fulfill your prophecy. Mature men figure you offer little else than sex, and they treat you accordingly. 
745. Virtual virginity is your best strategy to distinguish mature from immature men. 
746. Mature men devote themselves to what they perceive as a good woman, because they seek the pride of fatherhood. Adultolescent men think short term, dislike obligations, have little interest in new responsibility, usually look for another ‘looker’, and promise commitment that has very short legs. 
747. You should take advantage of your strengths and give him the appearance of your submissiveness to the man of the house. His perception is reality, and this means whatever he perceives satisfies him. You are far better equipped than he to work out the details to your advantage.
748. A woman’s soft-hearted nature should be reserved for husband and kids. Her hard-headed nature is much more beneficial to her in dating and courtship. Soft-heartedness makes it easier to call a man worthy of her, which makes her vulnerable to join sisters in ex country. Easy to conquer, easy to leave. 
749. He cheats on her, so she cheats on him. The former hurts her, the latter terminates their relationship. 
750. Women abandon femininity, modesty, high moral standards, and other female strengths just to have a boyfriend or husband they can’t keep. 
721. Feminism encourages women to value themselves individually, as men do. Femininity encourages women to value themselves as part of a couple, as Nature endows them. 
722. If her ex is going to be any different than he was in their first marriage, he needs to respect her more than before. Only that will make him favorably different and virtual virginity earns additional respect. 
723. Immature women expect that exchanging intimate knowledge with a man, especially sexual activity, will enable them to capture and hopefully keep a man. Nature works quite the opposite. 
724. Men appreciate what they pay for, and the more dearly they pay, the greater their appreciation. Pay, that is, with their interest, focus, time, manners, sacrifice, energy, laughter, fun, games, promises, mistakes, affection, commitment, politeness, devotion, and especially worry about losing her. 
725. Not knowledge but a man’s imagination keeps him interested in a woman. The promise of what lies ahead with her keeps her glued into his self-interest. 
726. From flirtation to conquest, each step completed along the way satisfies his knowledge but shifts a man’s curiosity to the next plateau of learning. The more he has to earn his way to each step, the more desirable she becomes. The longer she defers conquest, the more worthy she becomes. 
727. Mature women see a man’s energy turned to her as more important than his knowledge of her, desiring her as more important than having her, imagining her as more important than knowing her. 
728. If he wonders why she acts resistant to his come on, his imagination shifts toward finding out. If she’s not understandable, his imagination shifts toward her character and what motivates her. If character and motivation are mysterious, he becomes determined to explore her more deeply. 
729. Feminine mystique is all about creating curiosity and satisfying it ever so slowly. Her need for modesty, intimacy, and privacy stimulate his imagination to know more about her. 
730. Women could do better with this strategy: Generate maximum curiosity and satisfy it the least. Exploit manly curiosity to trigger masculine imagination. It works much better than making herself knowable and known without his having paid much in dedication, effort, and self-worry. 
- The two-year glitch arrives quietly as romantic love fades away in a couple’s second year after conquest. Partners undergo transformation. If an enduring kind of love has not developed mutually, separation is not far off. 
- Religion and morality serve women much more than men. If a woman fails to live within and uphold a self-imposed strong moral or religious code, she can expect mistreatment by men. (Why? By not following self-determined structured beliefs to guide her, she too easily picks up on the values and standards that guide him. It tremendously weakens her ability to earn his respect. She doesn’t appear to him as a woman of independent strength, which means she’s of less value if she becomes dependent on him. Men don’t marry pushovers for very long, neither sex nor character pushovers.) 
- Modern women let the need to have a boyfriend override their common sense. His commitment promises togetherness but it remains open-ended unless his devotion develops, which seals his interest in her. 
- Women who talk endlessly when with a man cannot also be mysterious. Unless, perhaps, if their jabber stays impersonal, which it seldom does. 
- Women make the institution of marriage of, by, and for women and children. Husbands are left out once children are born. Men don’t play second fiddle and remain with that orchestra. 
- Women tossed away femininity and the social construct of the lady to make room for feminist theory and spirit. Men fake, sidestep, and b.s. around whatever they face to access sexual partners. They wonder, but not too much, why women yield female strength to masculine dominance in order to have a man. 
- Wives win this way: Before marriage he proves through devotion that he’s worthy of her; he earns her hand. After marriage she proves herself worthy of him; she uplifts him for his devotion. 
- When a woman diminishes or weakens showing respect and gratitude for her man, she loses her likeability and his love. His deteriorating respect easily turns to disrespect and shifts her away from marital sainthood, which positions her for exiting at the next off-ramp. 
- Every couple has two options: become enslaved to money, or make money their slave. Marriage failures start more from financial problems than anything else. 
- It’s an impossible dream but…. Don’t let him talk about sex until he asks you to marry him. It’s none of his business if he’s unwilling to obligate himself to help fulfill your hopes and dreams.***
*** I’m well aware of the impracticality of it. I offer the principle to guide women into keeping their ‘sexless personage’ on the front burner of dialogue with each man. Keep changing the subject. When you remain sexually attractive but battle to keep sex out of the dialogue, you help keep his mind focused on finding weakness he can use to bed you. Inside of him, however, two options develop and grow toward decision. 1) The frustrated urge to escape (and thus he’s not good enough for you). 2) His curiosity develops the idea and imagination shapes his thinking until he convinces himself that he can’t get along without your presence in his life. You win regardless of his choice.
P.S. See 2198 for a list of questions to use to take his mind of talking about sex. He mentions sex, you mention marriage in various ways in the list.
You no doubt are a good person, woman, and potential date. Make yourself better before the mirror, however, and three dramatic changes follow. 1) You like yourself better, which enables you to internalize less and associate more easily and likeably. 2) Your attractive likeability enlarges in the eyes of men. 3) You increase your worth as a potential mate. Then the hard work begins; you have more men to screen for Mr. Good Enough.
Mid-life dating is not what you expect. Your normal expectations base it on age-adjusted wishes, hopes, and dreams held over from girlhood. Such as, you deserve this, you promise that, you can love again, you can make a man happy. But four possible weaknesses are embedded there.
- What you think you deserve is of little interest to a guy, until he confirms or figures it out that you are respected—as person, woman, and roles you can imaginatively fill in his life—and, therefore, may deserve his attention and loyalty.
- Your words of promise mean little or nothing. They might make him feel good for awhile, but your actions are what he perceives as promising to brighten his life. Actions work better than words to hold him. (But don’t go overboard to impress him or suck up. Be relatively cool and perhaps a little standoffish. Make him work to attract you to him. He and not you should show eagerness. You’re the buyer and have to make him the seller.)
- Your love does not hold a man. He may see promise in it, which might help you capture him. But your actions that flow out of your love and satisfy him are the ones that keep him interested in you more than just as a sex object. (For example, making yourself pleasant, comforting, and perhaps even entertaining just to be around. Divert his mind away from his single life.)
- Men are not interested in being happy as you think of it, e.g., upbeat and joyful. Their counterpart to your happiness is just plain old unemotional satisfaction with themselves. Men should see capturing you as a great accomplishment. They pursue self-admiration out of which grows an endless stream of satisfaction with who they are and what they do. So, exploiting their energy is supposed to earn admiration and satisfaction. Multiplying their satisfaction brings significance. Is that important? Well, their greatest fear is loss of significance, so not earning satisfaction associating with you must be disappointing.
Tune up your mind before you tune up your heart. He’s not into dating or a relationship because you need him, are lonely, can please him regularly, or even that you can or do love him. He dates and continues a relationship with you because he earns self-admiration, determines that your actions signify loyalty to who he is and what he does, and all that leads to his self-satisfaction.
Setting aside for the moment his desire to conquer you, in your presence he feels comfortable. He finds you likeable and fun to be around, respects you, admires himself for having you ‘belong’ to him. When not in your presence, he enjoys more whatever he’s doing, thinks of you and smiles, finds self-admiration more easily at his work because his spirit lifts with thoughts of you. Such small emotional uplifts satisfy him that he’s right for associating with you. It’s not your love that will capture and hold him, but your attention to the details that provide those small uplifts and prove your loyalty to him and his life. Men believe what they figure out by themselves. (Your rewards come later and sometimes much later.)
Also, you should be aiming at all that on the first face-to-face encounter. If such recognitions are resident in your heart—that is, you know who you are, who he is likely to be, and what you will deliver to and accept from him—then you’re ready to be invited into the dating arena.
Three of your features prompt first date invitations. Your sexual attractiveness, your emotional attractiveness/likeable appearance, and your sense of importance to yourself out of which reflects an attitude that men find interesting. Younger men want to see an attitude of sexual promise. Middle age men are attracted by prospects of endearing associations that enable them to try again, reinvent their lives, or recover from past mistakes. Elders mostly long for a good woman aka comfortable companion or vice versa.
Out of all those are the unique men you should find most appealing for your relationship hopes. Looking for weaknesses to get you into bed, they are surprised to discover mystery, modesty, femininity, monogamous loyalty, female uniqueness, and other qualities they can admire aka virtues. Which makes you virtuous and men want to marry a virtuous woman. IOW, they find so many virtues that they can’t refuse you and you get to choose to buy the most qualified guy who matches your expectations. Admittedly, it may take a lot of dates for all that to unfold.
From the get go, be prepared and know how you will handle your infatuation that may appear even late in life. Not with teen intensity but enough that it clouds your reason and judgment. Remember, there is no Mr. Right until you have lived with him for many years and he morphs toward what you dreamed of. Today, you should look for Mr. Good Enough.
NOTE for you younger ladies. If you get accused of being a prude or old fashioned, study article 1708. You can use it to make men uncomfortable, which will change the behavior of those interested primarily in you.
Next is about planning. Tomorrow at #2164.
691. Whatever embarrasses a woman reveals her heart-felt and unchanging modest nature. When she tries to overcome or ignore it for a man, she misses earning his respect, which enlarges his dominion over her. 
692. Female modesty rigidly enforced is the strongest natural counterbalance to male domination. She wins as a person entitled to equal respect by defending her modest nature competitively with other persons also due respect even with their immodesty. 
693. The second strongest counterbalance is a woman’s self-respect and determination to stand up for herself, her dignity, her claims for the proper alignment of things in her life. She wins a man’s respect by defending her values, standards, and expectations competitively as a woman standing up for herself and making him take the back seat to her character.
694. The third strongest counterbalance is a woman’s actions that prove her loyalty to, respect of, and dependence on a man. All displayed with an attitude of gratitude for who he is and what he does. Thus, she wins indirect influence by not competing over who has the dominant role. 
695. Her lack of values, standards, and expectations means that she follows her man’s. The lower his are, the more that testosterone and male dominance direct his life. It makes their life together ever harder for her to upgrade. 
696. She comes across as respectable, courageous, and strong—and maybe and unfortunately disposable—when she repeatedly has the strength to say ‘No’ to conquest. 
697. (This is one of my favorites.) As one woman claimed, Femininity adds color to a man’s black and white world. (Alison A. Armstrong, Keys to the Kingdom, 2003, PAX Programs, Inc. Sherman Oaks, CA , p.151) 
698. She makes her single self worthy of a man and thus becomes seller instead of buyer. This clicks her for the recycle bin, although he may not dump her until later. 
699. By conqueror’s right he takes control of their sexual agenda. She needs to own it until marriage, because it lays firm groundwork for counterbalancing his dominance after marriage. 
700. Men separate sex from the gal. It’s natural because the urge to conquer obscures the person behind the sex target. She only has to be known well enough to convince her into bed. Women let men get by with it by not requiring a well-developed and deeper relationship before yielding. 
P.S. The series on dating in mid-life is still in preparation. Coming soon to a screen near you.