Tag Archives: virgin

2319. Compatibility Axioms #991-1000

991. Married or unmarried sex doesn’t provide what men naturally seek in a mate. Overall, sex provides little or no sense of permanency in a man and little or no incentive to be faithful. [319]

992. Her first refusal to yield costs him little, except it urges him to try harder. Persistent refusal before conquest brings out his character. Nothing else so effectively brings out a man’s character, strengths, and weaknesses. [323]

993. Women want to choose which men hit on them, so they take offense when ‘unwanteds’ do it. This attitude prompts women to reject men personally instead of refusing them impersonally. Masculine violence rises against women that don’t honor the difference between rejection and refusal. [323]

994. Women have a far superior and unique capability to make choices dealing with the opposite sex, and it automatically guards their self-interest. Except for sex, men don’t worry about self-interest except as the opposite sex forces them to broaden their interest. [323]

995. Men believe their eyes. Women believe their ears. It’s the greatest of compliments for a man when—as expressed in the 1944 movie “Laura” via Surfercajun—her listening is more eloquent than speech itself. Such a listener is essentially saying, I believe you and all that you say. It’s difficult to find a greater compliment for a man other than for sexual ability or performance.

996. Men are aroused by their imagination. Women are aroused by HIS touching of erogenous zones.

997. Orgasm in not the prime mover for initiating sex. For men, it’s penetration and making good use of an erection. Women are primed for and by the need of intimacy.

998. Men are attracted by female physical attractiveness. Women are attracted by manly ability to compete well among men, to stand out mentally or physically, and to have potential to earn greater significance.

999. Women are primarily givers, which fades if their hard-heartedness expands. Men are primarily takers, which fades when their hearts soften from aging and female influence.

1000. Virginity impresses the male nature because of all those other guys who haven’t been there before. Many men crave the distinction of being first. It impresses women because they mistakenly think it’s the female asset that men treasure the most.


Filed under courtship, Dear daughter, sex differences

2274. Compatibility Axioms #911-920

911. a) If they marry, how can he assess the likelihood that she will be faithful? b) What should arouse his suspicions? c) Who and how many men got there before he did? d) How should he react when encountering men who have laid with her? e) How will she react when encountering them again? f) How will he compare sexually with them and her ex-husband? g) Any sexual attractiveness remaining with ex-husband or others?* He considers her sexual history the best source for figuring out such things. The less trustful his character, the more intense to learn her past.

*Note: He’s concerned more with lingering physical than emotional attraction that women worry more about. [302.]

912. Feminine intuition tops full-disclosure of her sexual history. While not easy, women have the skills and expertise to hide who, what, when, where, why, and how of what he doesn’t already know.  So, “have to” isn’t a sound reason for full-disclosure. [302.]

913. Former relationships may be known to her man, but no mention should EVER be made or details disclosed even about ex-husbands. It’s taboo if her previous relationships are not totally forgotten by her. Unfortunately, he won’t forget although he can forgive. Whether sincere or claimed forgiveness depends on his character? [302.]

914. Wise women plan and minimize disclosure of their sexual history long before new relationships begin. By planning to treat all men alike, she conditions her thinking to not go off the deep end of infatuation. [302.]

915. When a woman concludes that men are only after one thing, she thinks insufficient all else she has to offer, which makes her a poor candidate for marriage. [306]

916. Women generate unhappiness this way. She focuses negatively on her man’s shortcomings, which worsen precisely because of her attentions to them. [306]

917. Booty call: The screwing she gets for the screwing he gets. Duty sluthood costs her much more male respect that she can ever imagine. [306]

918. College girls major in booty for reasons incomprehensible to any father. [306]

919. Capturing a man is easy. Keeping one is not. The burden is on her. Her nature seeks togetherness and his seeks independence. Sex is always insufficient to end his independence. [306]

920. Virgin girls believe they won’t get dumped if they yield. Actually to men, the more his buds have tried and failed, the harder she is to dump. Unless he’s really into her other strengths and attributes, which isn’t evident until after many months of dating have passed with him fascinated by her person and womanly demeanor. [306]


Filed under courtship, Dear daughter, feminine, sex differences

2219. Compatibility Axioms #791-800

791. She’s easy to forgive but never forgets. He’s slow and difficult to forgive but easier than her to forget.

792. She expects him to read her mind about her wants, needs, and desires. He expects it to be unnecessary. His prowess and stamina will make the marital ball roll just fine, thank you very much.  [271]

793. Women talking can’t alter the nature of husbands. Wives do better figuring things out by themselves than seeking aid and comfort with the ‘enemy’—sister females who are not above stealing husbands by exploiting weaknesses their wives described previously. [271]

794. Women are not alike in wants, needs, desires, drives, and erogenous zones. Each can solve her own problems in her own home. God designed and Nature gave her hard-headed expertise to deal with men, and soft-hearted plus relationship expertise to deal with a man. [271]

795. Women talk about their wants, needs, and desires but skirt around their sex drive. They know intuitively that advertising it virtually admits to a promiscuous and perhaps sexually hyperactive past. [271]

796. Women complain and blame men about being inconsiderate. After years of Internet and entertainment media bashing of males, complaints continue. Do women expect different results from doing the same thing?  [271]

797. Continuous delays of conquest set up a battle of wills. The more she wins—through her hard-headed will and especially light-hearted wit—the more influence she gains for making his natural dominance acceptable to her.

798. A man’s dominant attitude bows to those he fears, respects, or loses to competitively. By refusing to yield unmarried sex, she out-competes him and earns respect for her restraint. She respects him and shows gratitude for his patience and whatever else he does—except for yielding to him. It makes her more valuable and generates fear of losing her.

799. As his fears mount for losing the woman of his dreams, his resistance weakens about loss of independence.

800. Conquering a virgin—real or virtual—is not about her but him. Her uniqueness uplifts his significance more than other conquests. After conquest, however, she’s sexually like all the conquered. What all else she has to offer and he finds satisfying to him is what keeps him with her.


Filed under courtship, Dear daughter, feminine, sex difference

2129. Avoid Being Dumped

At post 1343 Her Highness Mia inquired “How can we avoid falling into the same trap over and over again … of getting dumped….” Gaining a man’s devotion and learning to keep it is the only insurance against being dropped kicked into misery.

Caution: A strategic plan follows. I have idealized how to earn a man’s devotion. Life isn’t that simple, however. Also, no plan works as written. You have to figure out what and how the principles of the plan can work in your life with your prospects. Relevant blog articles are cited and underscored.

A man interested in you will see you in two lights, sexual and emotional attractiveness. He will tend to stay focused on the sexual. Your job is to develop and keep emotional connections alive and well while he learns to see greater merit in you than just conquest.

  • Be yourself. Be honest and truthful with yourself. Avoid all phoniness regardless of what you think is happening. Be up front, blunt, and candid with him. He will appreciate it. (But not totally candid and exceptions of what NOT to disclose are described below. Definitions used here: Honesty means accuracy. Candid means full disclosure.) [HardToGet tops Full Disclosure!]
  • You’re the buyer, he’s the seller. Buyers don’t have to buy right away. He acts, you respond. You don’t initiate, he does. He works to please you. You respond to please him, but you don’t go out of your way. Reward him, however, for going out of his way for you.
  • If you can’t admire him for who he is and what he does, then you won’t be able to respect and be grateful for him. In that case, he won’t qualify as Mr. Good Enough unless you lower your values, standards, and expectations, which I urge you not to do. Better to drop him early rather than later. [Five articles listed in CONTENTS with Good Enough in the title.]
  • Always dress modestly and your gorgeous best when he’s anywhere near. [Boob Language in 25 parts] Smile a lot and especially at and with him. Show a lot of humor but not faked. Forget any purposeful sexual attractiveness. You can’t be extraordinary, if you dress, act, and look ordinary—and sexual attractiveness is now ordinary.
  • He never sees you excited with or about him. Stay calm; he’s just another guy but one of sufficient interest to perhaps be worthy of you. Emotions you reveal can be used against you and probably will be—not dishonestly either—to facilitate conquest. Full disclosure is out and sexual history—including virgin status yes or no—is your business and none of his. [Virgin? Keep It Secret! in 2 parts; Her Sexual History in 10 parts.]
  • Have moral, religious, and personal reasons for not having sex. Don’t explain yourself, however. You are just that way. You are living up to someone or biblical values or principles higher than you. Don’t use phrasing such as you’re saving yourself for husband, etc. You’re celibate simply because your conscience says to stay that way. The more you explain, the more ammo you give him to persuade you otherwise. [Virtual Virginity in 24 parts]
  • Forget trying to convince him of your love, or love conquers all, or whatever else your female mind can conceive as beneficial of love. It may not be meaningless to him, but it won’t carry the day, won’t convince him of much. Love just isn’t that important to how a man views his future with a mate. He sees your love in the respect/appreciation/gratitude you show—actions more than words—for who he is and what he does. [Love vs. Respect in 5 parts; Sex Diff. Redux Parts 18 through 28]
  • DON’T gift him with the expectation that it will gain you favor. Men don’t appreciate unearned gifts, so you gain nothing at considerable cost. Give simple and inexpensive birthday, Christmas, and especially Valentine gifts. He doesn’t rate Valentine’s Day nearly as high or important as you. How he gifts you, however, tells you a lot. Don’t cook for him except as reward for some special favor he’s done. (Should you marry, you want your cooking to reward him for providing/protecting and not his expecting it for just being the man you love.)
  • Be patient. You need many months to allow time for a good man to change to meet your expectations. And, he has to do it mostly at his own motivation and time; your role is secondary. First, he downgrades his primary interest in conquest to include stronger interest in you. Then, he expresses his commitment with words that brighten your future. Then, he morphs into a state of devotion clearly exhibited by his actions to please himself just for wanting to please you. Then, he finds himself deeply devoted, and it shifts his focus to the promise you hold for his life and ambition. Somewhere along that process, his devotion to you shifts conquest into second place on his priority list. (You go wrong to try to influence or expedite that process. So, be patient, yourself, pleasant, and likeable in his presence. Take your complaints and worries to the Lord—but not girlfriends or family.)
  • Practice the art of thanking a man without saying thank you. See article 2059. Men are Never More Handsome….
  • DON’T pay or split pay for dates. If he won’t, he’s not good enough. If he can’t, let him treat you at Taco Bell. How he handles money promises what your future will be like with him. (Men don’t change, remember?) [Single Women Don’t Pay in 3 parts]
  • Don’t bug him to call, text, or speak of his love. He takes it as invitation to change and men don’t change for a woman—except as each one becomes devoted through his own motivation and action.
  • Use indirectness to get what you want. Seed planting, hints, questions, and weakly worded suggestions. Neither describe nor ask for your expectations to be fulfilled. What he figures out impresses him much more than what you describe or request. [Her Indirectness Overpowers Directness]
  • Don’t complain about him or his habits. If unsuitable for your future, drop him. (If you accept undesirable habits now, you in effect are saying you can live with them. When you mention them after marriage, you give him incentive to dump you. You deceived him; he married a phony because he was okay before the altar.)
  • There is no Mr. Right and it should take months for him to prove to you that he’s even Mr. Good Enough. Convince yourself and reflect this attitude: He’s not REALLY good enough FOR YOU but you’re willing to spend time with him for the enjoyment that the two of you have together. Just to see what happens. You might make good friends someday; he’s worth that as long as he’s nice and kind. Don’t try to manipulate, just find ways to keep his interest up for many months. It won’t be easy either but necessary for his focus to shift to putting your interest first and ahead of sex. [Four articles with “Mr. Right” in the title.]
  • Don’t let him hear you complain; you’re already a winner so you don’t want him involved with the complaint side of your life—at least not yet.

He will press you to find weaknesses to get you into bed. You need months to delay bedtime together while he discovers qualities in you that he can admire. They become virtues to him. Enough virtues and you become fascinating to him. You need more months for him to see promise in you as mate to supplement his life and ambition. After that, perhaps, a proposal.[Men Self-talk their Way to the Altar]



Filed under How she wins

1991. Self-gratitude—He Doesn’t Love the Whole You

As explained at post 1985, you face a seemingly impossible hurdle in pursuing, capturing, and retaining a potential Mr. Right. While he looks for weaknesses to get you into bed, you have to continually present some unknown quantity of unspecified qualities in ways that make Mr. Good Enough admire them sufficiently for you to appear fascinating. When fascination grows and your promise as his mate also becomes fascinating, he proposes and releases you to wedding planning. He does it all, you are the stimulus.

In the end, your fascination is what your man loves. It’s not the whole you, it’s those parts of you that fascinate and keep him submerged beneath your indirect stimulation and patient influence.

The diving board above the pool of your fascination is erected by this. You always look and act like the woman you hope to be, the woman of your affirming girlhood dreams. It calls for you to maximize the use of natural qualities inherited at birth and minimize the values and habits that flow out of your later development. Three examples: 1) Return to your modest nature and discard the immodest habits you picked up along the road of life. 2) Rather than absorb an offense with silence, react assertively against those who impose their filth on your feminine sensibilities. Determine to get the f- and c- and similar words out of your hearing range, whether you depart or remind others that your sensitivities are more important than their presence. 3) Never disclose to anyone—even family and girl friends—your virgin status, sexual history, or anything else that can cost you someone’s respect or be used against you when flare ups occur as they do in every relationship. Retain some degree of feminine mystique, aka mystery about why you insist on doing uniquely feminine things.

You can use prayer, but God’s timing does not always match yours. In fact, no way exists to make yourself more fascinating than by privately generating self-gratitude before your mirror image, your best friend, your reflection to whom you cannot lie. How to do that comes later.



Filed under feminine

1981. Compatibility Axioms #421-430

421. Husband may forgive, but he can’t forget. Feminists claim that women need no forgiveness for previous love and sex interests. But, to men, it’s neither love nor forgiveness that counts. It’s her screwing other men, bending to the will of his competitors, and who knows when she may do it again? [145]
422. Her sexual history is best kept secret. In any event, she should never disclose any detail. The first detail will ignite his curiosity for more, followed by his imagining the worst about everything she does not disclose. He will likely pump her for more info, or resentment will accumulate within his ever-active imagination. (Resentment can kill the likeability that is so critical to compatibility.) [145]
423. Females learn the most and best lessons by insisting on retaining virginity, both real and virtual. Keepers don’t dump a woman over that. If he won’t honor her wishes before conquest, he’ll do worse afterward. [147]
424. He strives to get her to yield sex. She seeks his acceptance of something more important. The battle of the sexes revolves around the subsequent battle of wits and wills. It takes a lengthy, likeable, and complimentary courtship to convert him to her way of thinking. [147]
425. She’s of high interest to him. Her insistence on remaining virgin-like injects and stirs uneasiness and uncertainty into his manly desire. It pressures him into the passenger seat of their relationship. He tries harder to earn the driver’s seat by proving himself worthy and acceptable for sex. If he still can’t earn acceptance into the driver’s seat by conquering her, he either hops out of the car or accepts whatever greater ‘price’ she expects. [147]
426. If she doesn’t yield and he dumps her anywhere along the courtship trail, she escapes with a higher sense of self-worth. He was not a keeper, and she found it out without losing the battle of wills. [147]
427. Her refusals to yield earn a man’s maximum respect. Men respect will power and hers tops his best will and effort. [147]
428. If he dumps her for not yielding, she earns the maximum self-respect regardless of what he says to the contrary. It’s also good practice for her. [147]
429. Mr. Good Enough’s love will be based on respect for her. The greater her self-respect, the greater her ability to sustain his respect. [147]
430. Her gentle but firm refusals to yield indirectly tame his masculine ego and condition his dominant nature to accept her as a power to be reckoned with. It brightens her future, polishes her self-image, enhances her self-interest, and promises more worthiness as his potential mate. Thus, women move closer to their dreams and goals by protecting their real and virtual virginity. [147]



Filed under courtship

935. Virgin? Keep It Secret! — Part I

Her Highness Anonymous inquired if an actual virgin should keep it a secret? Many reasons exist to do so, and the advantages accrue to her without cost to him:

  • If she brags about her virgin state, she appears desperate. If she discloses it as part of silly belief in full disclosure, he has nothing comparable, and so she loses at the ‘negotiating table’. Providing him the knowledge gives him much more than he can give her. (His sexual history never balances her disclosure, and she doesn’t want to hear it anyway.)
  • If ex-boyfriends don’t know for sure and can only speculate to other guys about her pristine-ness, her reputation builds more easily into exciting allure than ‘gotta have it’, gotta have it’, gotta have it’ just because she’s virginal.  
  • By strongly declaring her sexual status off limits, she has an easier time defending her values, maintaining her standards, and upholding her expectations about how men should behave when with or around her.
  • Mystery about her status generates an aura around her of respectable authority (free will, hard-headedness, and willingness to use it).
  • Sexual history being the kingpin element in feminine mystique, actual virginity wears the crown. But knowledge destroys mystery, which destroys curiosity, which destroys interest in the crown, which makes her less valuable.
  • Claiming virginity challenges a man even more to conquer her. Banging a virgin earns huge masculine bragging rights and status. Instead, she wants him bragging about her beauty, charm, and female worth.
  • If he tells his buds about her virgin state, they’ll gang up on him to beat his time, to get there firstest with the mostest. It might make her more popular as they pursue her virgin attractiveness, but it’s not likely to be sincere or lasting.
  • Many men, especially the adolescent-minded, think along these lines: If he can’t conquer a woman, it’s one thing. If he can’t conquer a virgin, it’s a different matter, ‘a downright embarrassment’. He has to keep trying; he can’t quit early. His competitive spirit envisions her as his Mt. Everest, and he’s a fool to quit before reaching the top.
  • If he knows she’s virgin, he spends less time thinking about her except for why? How could she have avoided it this long? Religious nut? Fearful of sex or what? Sick in the head? Wrongheaded? Malformed? Unfashionable, won’t go along to get along? Had no girlfriends that put out as role models? Boyfriends dumped her for that reason? Or did word spread about her that he missed?
  • Knowledge cures mystery, which kills curiosity, which reduces interest in what makes her tick, tock, and chime, which makes him think more of conquest than the rest of her valuable self.
  • She will be judged, if he knows she’s virgin; making him wonder delays his judging until a time made better by a longer relationship.
  • If he wonders about her sexual past, his thoughts remain with her. If she makes her virgin state as mysterious as the rest of her sexual history, he has little recourse but to focus and accept her as she is without regard to sex.
  • If he can only wonder before the altar and marvel about prospects for his wedding night, the male mind more easily adjusts his interests to include a woman’s hopes and dreams. Whether suspicions are confirmed or he’s surprised that night, his sense of significance and her value to him jump off the scale.
  • Avoid at all cost having a girlfriend ‘sell’ her virginity to win a boyfriend or prospect. Such good intentions backfire; he gains advantage and she loses mystery. (He’ll also return to the informant for more info when he’s after something else, and that could bring them together.)

Her greatest threat may be close to home. Make sure siblings or girlfriends don’t disclose her virgin status, and she’s better off if they don’t even know it. As with men, it’s none of their business, if she hopes to have maximum independence and play life’s hand of cards without—perhaps but not always well-intentioned—interference.

I venture that Part II, post 936, will both surprise and even shock some women. What to do when he won’t stop inquiring about her sexual history and especially virgin status. It’s due out tomorrow morning.


Filed under Uncategorized, virginity