2354. Tribute to the Female Nature — 08: Guilt and Charm

It’s habitual in the modern world. When she feels badly about herself, she blames her man or men if she has no man. We’re each made to feel good about ourselves by ourselves, but modernized women aren’t too keen about accepting that. Feminism teaches that they are victims and someone else is responsible for their feeling bad about themselves: parents, teachers, boyfriend, mate, husband.

A couple’s compatibility starts to end when she blames him. Disagreement sets in, he knows she’s wrong as he’s doing his best, and men don’t intend to lose battles with their woman.

Women are born with two better ways. They easily accept guilt and thereby accept responsibility that naturally avoids blaming others. Whether wife or single, whether bachelorette or emerging teen hopeful, they can charm rather than blame. Both guilt and charm brighten their world, although their ego may be hard to swallow for not blaming someone for egregious offenses.

A woman’s charm starts at the mirror, exploits her prettiness to the max, and curls her thoughts into the conviction that one, few, or more men will find her beautiful. She first makes herself feel great about herself. WADWMUFGAO, and her bedroom mirror does it best.

Successful mating starts there and doesn’t last unless she continues her mirror habits. Why? Because men expect to live with the woman they marry. They expect wife not to change, but they’re not cold. They naturally allow for aging if feminine charm and attractiveness continue as before.

A man rejects blame. He knows he’s doing his best at what he does best, working outside the home as provider/protector etc. He also rejects blame for what happens inside the home; that’s her domain so she needs to get her act together as he sees it. (See Mirror Time at 2123-2127 for details on how to successfully dominate the home and family.)

The scholar’s term is division of labor; I prefer division of responsibility. He provides and she spreads the benefits of coupledom and togetherness. If he doesn’t provide enough, she’s responsible to help. If she doesn’t manage well enough, he’s responsible to help. Blame in either direction is the opposite of help.

She may work outside the home and help him provide, but the principle remains in place. Division of responsibility and respect for the one responsible tends to cancel out the urge to blame and fosters the urge to merge frequently, which is part of her charm that adds sexual enjoyment to their togetherness.

 

2244. FEMININE: New Definition

This posting has multiple purposes behind it.

First, I’ve taken the liberty of giving the term ‘feminine’ an operational definition, which means to always presume this context: Men decide what is feminine and what is not. Specifically, feminine includes any and all those female behaviors that appeal particularly to men as qualities that make a woman a good candidate for marriage, i.e., at least satisfactory to live with. When I use feminine, conquest is left out. Feminine makes a woman attractive as potential wife. Sexual attractiveness makes her a potential bed mate. This definition matches how the male nature works, how it guides men to perceive females two very different ways—attractive for conquest aka targeted and attractive to live with aka feminine.

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Second,  two concepts matched with two distinctly natural behaviors seems to fit together this way.

Men have two major motivational forces regarding women. 1) Foremost is conquest. Feminine as defined and used here doesn’t apply to the conquering process. The man seeking to conquer will effectively disregard or forgive any faults a sexually attractive woman might have. 2) Recognizing they are not equipped by nature to sustain a relationship, men nevertheless seek to provide/protect those for whom they are responsible. It energizes them to produce, which leads to self-admiration, possible satisfaction, and probable significance. The male nature aims men directly toward fulfilling responsibility as they sense it belongs to them.

Other than in conquest mode, the male nature consists of these motivational forces: Men do things to earn self-admiration until satisfied. That’s when they pause or stop such as daily after work or after completing a project. When responsible only for themselves, they can’t achieve much significance and realize they discredit their potential and their significance doesn’t grow. As the result, men learn early in life that fulfillment comes with greater responsibility, because that’s where they can earn the most satisfaction. (To be sure, some boys are inhibited from accepting responsibility in childhood and some men get fearful and back away from it. Both are lessons learned and not intrinsic to the male nature.)

Those two motivational forces put these pressures on women. Regarding 1): Conquest is a one-on-one competition; every woman is directly responsible for her future. Neither conquest nor subsequent sex bonds a man. Consequently, a man absorbs and accepts no sense of responsibility out of his conquest. Without feeling responsible, men don’t do what others expect or can count on.

Regarding 2): Women intuitively accept responsibility for relationship, marital, and family development and sustainability. They instinctively sense that men won’t or can’t. Each woman’s primary task is to persuade a man to be responsible for her and whatever follows in her life. Make him like, enjoy, and find satisfaction being responsible for her and children and he rises to meet his potential, greatest satisfaction, and most significance. (That’s all a woman has to do; piece of cake, right ladies? That’s why you’re a member of the superior gender, so you can more easily mix, bake, add icing, cut, and serve the cake of making one man feel responsible for more than himself.)

Consequently, either women fish with bait that keeps a man feeling responsible to help fulfill her hopes and dreams or women proceed with unrequited love. Feminine, as I use it here, is the proper bait to seal a deal with a man who is willing to accept responsibility for her future of blessing his ambitions.

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Third, Some Other Guy made a major addition to yesterday’s article. He describes another enemy of feminine mystique that takes a man’s interest away from living with a woman:

“Complaining about anything even if it is not regarding your man is poisonous to the energy of the relationship. Sure we all have those off days every so often. But every single day? … I cannot overstate how unattractive some wives make themselves when every interaction is filled with ‘I don’t like this and I don’t like that and this thing is broken and why don’t you do this and how come you always do that and why is my mother being such a terror’ and on and on.”

Fourth, having many leftover thoughts from the 2243 FEMININE article, I post them here. Pardon the simplicity of merely spotlighting what are sometimes complex behaviors.

Good habits enhance FEMININE. The more of these the merrier.

These habits tend to support feminine thoughts in the minds of men. She keeps faultfinding to herself, speaks softly so that everyone listens more closely, avoids turning people off from being attentive to her, wears sincerity on her sleeve, hides anger while others burst out, dislikes boozing, dislikes gambling, sees humor in children playing, uplifts moral standards, considers permanent marriage the ultimate female goal, subordinates sex to marriage, makes mealtime family time, loves everyone until they prove unworthy, finds solace in intimacy, believes her man is the greatest, agrees first and persuades later, believes the opposite of ‘full disclosure’, believes firmly in prayer, has no oddball interests, criticizes behavior rather than the wrongdoer, considers sex a very personal and private matter, thinks highly of the male gender, thinks low of men who offend the female gender, favors fair over equal in making judgments, never forgets important things, shuns direct competition except with those who threaten family stability, loves to cooperate/collaborate and unify people, lives up to someone more important than herself.

She teaches children to respect adults, convinces sons to respect females, and teaches and protects daughters against unmarried sex.

She is always composed, anxious to birth and raise children, distinctively modest, excellent judge of when to be serious or humorous, easy to laugh but not at other people, not a spendthrift, and grateful for herself and others for their meaning in her life.

Only death or grief stamp out her lightheartedness. Her mystery attracts people. Her mature adult values make her decisions highly consequential and she indirectly gains influence.

Bad habits limit FEMININE. The more of these the poorer.

These habits tend to weaken and wipe out attractive thoughts in the minds of men. Loud, noisy, raucous, easily upset, lacks composure, doesn’t respect authority figures, heavy drinker, duplicates masculine behaviors, expects her feelings to govern each situation, lacks self-respect, explains herself continually, complains about others, tries to outdo men, blames men, blames anyone, looks for and finds faults in others, works hard to be liked, uses sex to get her way, likes marriage but doesn’t expect to pay a heavy price to get or keep it, micromanages the household and everyone in it, perfectionist by habit, thinks either she or he is a plaything, adolescent-mindedness shows in her decisions, won’t lead but rejects his leadership, gets in his face over incidentals, can’t stand to lose, unwilling to forgive, easily reminds others of past mistakes, not particularly grateful in spirit, elevates sex above marriage, not interested in what her man does, bad mouths husband to girlfriends, embarrasses her man in public, contradicts hubby in front of others.

Fifth, since this series is an exploratory effort, I could use feedback from you ladies to help make more sense of it for daily living. All ideas and help appreciated, especially those that help clarify.

2078. The Battle over House Work — Part I: Who They Are

The different expectations and disputes over house work start with major, inborn, deep-rooted differences between men and women. I neither alibi nor justify on behalf of either sex. I explain how they are born differently and tend to behave accordingly.

First, the highest order of their differences. She’s born to be happy; he’s born to be satisfied. She’s motivated to improve her self-importance and needs the confirmation of others. Getting confirmation makes her happy. He’s motivated to seek self-admiration but doesn’t need confirmation. Earning self-admiration satisfies him.next

Second, let’s summarize who they are and nest post 2079 will describe how they interact as the result.

HIM. A man’s prime motivator to earn self-admiration doesn’t end when his workday is over. He seeks to accomplish other things, including some way to celebrate and reward himself for a day well done. He’s satisfied with himself, and it’s time for reward. IOW, he has a prescribed period each day for earning satisfaction, after which he’s ready for clicker, beer, and prospects of an enjoyable dinner. I don’t claim that men deserve it, but that their inborn nature drives them to doing it. Unless and until they are seduced, lured, or otherwise recruited by their woman to do something else. One reward for earning satisfaction is the privilege to decide for themselves what to do after work.

Basically, men accomplish things for themselves, but they marry when willing to use their ability to provide/protect others in exchange for the promise one woman holds for fostering and supporting his efforts outside the home. Deny his self-declared form of rewarding his accomplishments, and that same mate turns him toward self-centeredness with unexpected consequences that his dependents don’t appreciate.

Men are not motivated to seek happiness. If satisfied, they claim to be happy but that’s the extent of their concern with it.

HER. A woman’s primal need is for a brighter future and there’s never an end in sight. It can always be made brighter with more effort by her or others. She always has something else that needs to be done. Very unlike men. Also, her prime motivator to embellish her sense of self-importance doesn’t end daily because her home always requires maintenance materially, spiritually, emotionally, or domestically. Homework as opposed to housework. Men don’t do relationship maintenance, and so she inherits that burden too. She combines all her self-assigned responsibilities about what needs to be done before this day ends in order to shape tomorrow and the future. She follows her endless and constantly juggled priority list.

She needs a feeling of gratefulness for herself; it’s the first step to earning happiness. She finds gratitude in her ability and influence to nest and raise children in a peaceful atmosphere created by her. Leaning on that foundation of self-gratitude, she finds gratefulness in other people and things. Grateful for her mate, each child, friends, her home, his job, her job, cars, family’s good fortune, adequate bank balance, food available, health, wealth, church, friends, neighborhood, city, state, country. The list is endless if she but looks.

Her happiness rises as she finds gratitude outside herself. But she can find no more than she’s grateful for herself, which arises out of the way she continually brightens her future in the home. Dare I say it? —by homework as opposed to housework and partially after her mate has entered his daily R&R expecting to avoid ‘hard labor’.

In pursuit of happiness, women are not satisfied with being satisfied. There’s always more to come or do in the pursuit of happiness.

Next post 2079 revolves around what they do about his R&R.

 

1979. Admiration: The Prime Motivator of Men

Women don’t recognize the tap-root of male nature, that which primarily motivates a man. Women focus too much on sex and  seem not to understand the full picture of that*. Something else energizes him and determines what he does and becomes, primarily does for himself but also in relationships. If women use it to figure out their man, both become more valuable in the eyes of the other.

The closed loop of male behavior is structured around one thing, earning admiration. First, earn it himself for himself. Second, witness other people earn it from him and thus enable his judgment ability to be self-admired.

The loop emanates from his primal need for self-admiration and proceeds close to this order: generate ambitions, determine missions, set goals, and accomplish things. Successes all along that process provide self-admiration. A satisfied need no longer motivates, however, and so out springs the urge for more significant achievements and more self-admiration. Men are constantly reaching for new, better, and greater ambitions. The process of earning admiration never ends even after age or incapacity make labor no longer the primary venue.

For this article, we consider that which he earns for himself and that which he enables women to earn from him. Obviously there is more, admiration of men for example, but that’s another story.

Self. A man’s deep-rooted need of self-admiration prompts him to seek work, any work, as it provides the best opportunity**. He admires himself for successful achievements and even for his potential to be successful at whatever he undertakes. Both achievements and his potential accumulate and blend to become his sense of significance and consequent self-worth in his world. He admires his significance as the ultimate truth, because it’s the product of all that he’s produced. Although seldom recognized except when women threaten it, a reinforcing helper for his urge to accomplish things is this: His greatest fear is insignificance.

Men welcome and appreciate the recognition and admiration of others, but it’s not essential. They are independent by nature and reasonably satisfied with self-admiration. Lessons learned in life, however, make them expect recognition, appreciation, and even admiration for their efforts. And especially from those who depend upon them without giving due credit.

Women. A woman becomes of lasting personal interest to a man because of her virtues, those qualities in her that he admires and that remain or may be discovered after conquest. As described in post 1977, qualities that he admires become virtues. Virtues of importance to him make her fascinating, which is the attraction that holds him. With more virtues and increased intensity in her fascination, a man finds promise in her as his mate. And that pulls or pushes him to or at least toward the altar.

Being unconquered is not a virtue; he wants her for sex but he doesn’t admire her status. However, he respects virtual virginity. Her determination to protect her interest by not yielding earns his admiration. Her availability for post-conquest sex is not a virtue either; too many other willing women. Unless, that is, he admires her sexual—shall I say—dexterity? But that can lead to loss of respect for her, which is another story.

His motivational consideration of her boils down to this. Her qualities earn his admiration. It pleases his sense of self-admiration for finding her so virtuous and thus fascinating. That makes her fit snugly into his personal ambitions, missions, goals, and accomplishments that he anticipates for the present and perhaps the future.

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*To the male mind, conquest and other sex are significantly different in both urge and result.

**Childcare and housekeeping lack opportunity because they don’t require his strengths or expertise. The former threatens his significance, too much potential to innocently do harm or produce bad or poor results. The latter requires boredom in order to endure. Neither has much potential to earn self-admiration. Better ways exist and he wants to get to them.

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NOTE: I suspect that the sexes are hugely divided over what they think are virtues in a woman. For those readers who may be interested, I could enjoy seeing what they nominate as virtuous in the eyes of men. Not what women tell themselves is virtuous about each other, but what they think men admire in the normal course of masculine behavior. Whatever you nominate, I will try to contrast it to what I think men admire. We might be able to piece together something significant to portray as sex differences.

 

1931. OPEN LETTER TO GLENN BECK

Dear Mr. Beck,

You seek ways that We the People can reboot America and restore our exceptionalism and greatness—and rightly so. You seek a Whitfield moment and recovery that begins in the pulpit—and rightly so. You seek a union of free men who stand up more responsibly to restore the constitutional American spirit—and rightly so. May I add another truth to your quest?

I have not heard you mention this. Through lack of certainty caused by politics and propaganda, men and women are unable to capitalize on how God designs, Nature endows, and hormones energize the sexes to be different in hundreds of ways. Consequently, the traditional battle of the sexes has escalated into war with children in the crossfire. While feminism has wrought huge legal, political, and economic gains for women, the radioactive fallout generates conflict, demolishes harmony, and prevents compatibility in the social and domestic arenas.

We are created to be compatible as mates, but we destroy that inheritance by prioritizing unmarried sex over permanent mating. Endowed to do good, which enables us to be good people, we poison that primal urge with left-leaning politics. Energized for self-interest, we escalate to selfish and beyond.

Synthesized out of two male-dominated religions, American forebears developed our Judeo-Christian culture. Under persistent female domestic pressures, the culture gently evolved into wifely domination of values. Men need only a hut, but women turn huts into castles. Men conquered the West but women civilized it. Pillow- and breakfast-talk sent husbands into the fields, factories, streets, and courts to improve life for women and children. Men dominated workplace and society but women dominated home and culture.* By promoting and appreciating the effort of free individuals, relationships evolved such that respect for the opposite sex equaled or exceeded respect for one’s own gender.

As if a reciprocating engine, it worked this way. Fuel mixture: Women are predominantly motivated by the need of self-importance; men by the need of self-admiration. Combustion: Women respect men for who they are and admire them for what they do. Women guard their uniqueness and men find them important and respect them for what they do. Mutual respect generates mutual trust. Travel: Compatible relationships become easier, steadier, and lengthier. American cultural greatness and economic exceptionalism grow.

Progressives undermine truth in order to remake society in their image. They demean sex differences and propagandize that the sexes are alike except for reproductive differences. Because non-Progressives ignore God’s designs, Nature’s blessings, and hormonal urges, Progressives more easily divide us into two classes: rulers and dependents (aka regulatory tyrants and ambulatory subjects).

Thus, Mr. Beck, we lose our culture because we ignore the hundreds of sex differences caused by God, Nature, and hormones. Capitalize on those differences in spite of Progressive pressures and we can restore men and women to the roles in America that the founders expected, children appreciate, and grannies are proud of what they have done.

If you think more truth can aid your quest, the potential can be evaluated at What Women Never Hear: https://wwnh.wordpress.com.

Sincerely,

Bill Clark Dean (aka A. Guy Maligned)

P.S. I have no interest in personal contact. I am too busy trying to help individual women around the world put their lives on a better track or back together.

B.

*Many years ago Tocqueville spotted it in action, “[M]orals are the work of woman.”

1856. Sex Difference Redux—Part 95: Where Love Begins—11

You have relationship expertise and interest in two-way love that endures. Your man lacks both. So, you inherit the process of developing enduring love before romantic love fails after a year or two of sex together.

101. You promote how one plays the game as more important than winning; it arises out of the cooperative spirit of the female nature. Your man promotes winning as the primary objective, which emanates from the competitive spirit of the male nature.

102. You tend to devote yourself to others and life and use spiritual pressures and influences to help. Your man tends to devote himself to achieving goals, uses responsibility as energy, and seeks to have sex for relief, rest, and recovery.

103. With regard to unmarried sexual activity, you are whatever you decide to be.  Your man is whatever he has to be to have frequent and convenient access to sex.

104. You and your man are two conquerors. He seeks sex without or before marriage, and you seek marriage with him. The first to conquer dominates your future together.

105. Very unlike your man, you change or try to change whatever and whomever you find as close to you but not quite complete. (Unless they’re astute and careful, wives easily parent their husbands.)

106. Your man draws a line between what is his business and what is not, between what he can or should change and what he should leave to others. You are not so constrained.

107. When you want comfort and understanding, you turn to a specific man. When your man wants those things, he turns to a friendly woman.

108. Your man eats and looks for taste bud satisfaction. You use food to fuel yourself in order to satisfy the necessities of life.

109. Both sexes are emotional creatures. However, your man is more objective and values the present more than past or future. He places higher value on what he sees when he sees it. You, on the other hand, are more subjective in decision making. You highly value past events that enable you to integrate the most relevant into the rest of your interests and future.

110. You more easily than your man endorse or find no fault in political correctness. Your man finds PC abominable or nearly so.

As with sex differences already cited, they help determine the outcome of your interactions with your man and incidentally other men. Ten more of ‘Where Love Begins’ follow soon.

1855. Sex Difference Redux—Part 94: Where Love Begins—10

Sex differences continue here. They enable you as the relationship expert to morph temporary romantic love into permanent enduring love. The better each sex comparison is balanced to the mutual satisfaction of you and your man, the smoother both the development and quality of enduring love.

91. Your self-confidence emanates from your self-esteem as a person, self-image as a woman, and self-love as a loving partner of someone else. Your man’s self-confidence emanates from his self-respect as both person and man and his picture of who and what he is in his world, aka his self-image.

92. The feminine side of your female nature inspires you to eat to sustain life, i.e., brighten your future. Your man’s masculine side associates eating with his work or job, i.e., brighten his day.

93. The sexual pleasures for you as a woman are far outweighed by the other things you need for a contented and happy life. Your man easily lets sex substitute for whatever shortcomings appear in his search for a contented life which, if he follows his masculine nature, means a life with one woman (so he doesn’t have to hunt continually).

94. You as a woman mostly rely on time for healing while easing your anguish with sympathetic and empathetic friends. Your man’s therapeutic recovery comes primarily from associating with his work or doing something of unique interest to him, by doing something other than nothing.

95. Your sons are turned off by nurturing after they start school, by nagging after that, and by parental dominance after puberty. Your man went through some form of motherly turn-off and you live with the consequences that shape his adult persona with you.

96. Your daughters face boys who are tamed by girls doing what mothers can’t get away with. Girls nag at boys until they step up to high feminine expectations both for themselves and for boys. Girls can tame uncivilized early manliness as long as they don’t yield sex. The boys to whom girls ultimately yield sex refuse to respond favorably to subsequent nagging; they lose respect for such girls. Your man went through some version of that conditioning by girls.

97. As a woman nesting in her home, you favor décor and fashion over functionality. Your man thinks functionality comes first.

98. You view sex as a means to an end. Your man sees it as an end in itself.

99. You want to see justice served through equality, when equality is more theory than achievable. Your man wants to see justice served through fairness, which is both practical and achievable.

100. Although both sexes are emotional decision-makers, your man tends to weigh fact and truth with greater reality. You tend to more easily blend reality with your emotions.

More of ‘Where Love Begins’ follows in a day or two. Just as with the 100 sex differences already posted, new ones help determine the outcome of your interactions with your man and other men. Ten more should follow.

963. Mrs. Guy’s Story #07: Hubby Earns Thanks

Ladies, here’s an illustration of how the male and female minds DON’T work together, but how differences can be overcome.

I asked Guy to take me shopping at a favorite store 65 miles away. On the way home I thanked him for taking me, and my words fell short of being appreciated. Well intentioned words didn’t register nearly as deep as I intended. He didn’t shrug his shoulders apathetically, but he might just as well have.

I’m still learning to put the male puzzle together. So, after a short pause I volunteered to use my mad money to treat him to one of his favorites. We stopped at an Outback Steakhouse. As we dined I told him the prime rib was my reward for his changing his daily plans to please me. (He was bigger than just a chauffeur.)

He nodded and smiled appreciatively. But it goes deeper, and I think Guy is working on a fuller description of how and why men respond differently than us.

Lesson re-learned: Females love to hear words of gratitude, but men are different. Specific actions as rewards impress men much more than just grateful words.