Tag Archives: respect

2166. Dating in Mid-life — Part C4: Fail to Plan and You Plan to Fail


Dating success follows certain principles that govern the interaction for a developing relationship. Many functions are key.

You’re the tick, he’s the tock. You specialize in showing interest in him and then listening. You respect and enable him to communicate directly and you respond as indirectly as polite. He’s selling himself, so let him. If necessary, you show interest in him and he responds. You enable him to lead and make your spirit of cooperation to shine in his favor.

Howsomeever, as I used to hear country folk declare an upcoming contrary thought, you compete directly and even get in his face if necessary to 1) defend your sexual standards and expectations against his insistence and persistence, or 2) terminate what’s happening and put an end to the date or relationship.

Forget these two things that mean so much to you.

  1. You can’t make him like you, especially if you try. Trying alone makes you do the wrong things. Example: Relying on three little words may help but it’s really insignificant; men judge on actions primarily and seldom on words. Be yourself. Make him win your affection, make himself worthy of you; he doesn’t appreciate unearned gifts.
  2. Don’t try to impress him and don’t even disclose whatever affection you may have for him, except to say you like him—somewhat, starting to, perhaps even teasingly, but never a helluva lot. Mystery, remember? To like him some and respect him a lot are enough for him. He believes it better anyway if he figures for himself that your actions signify your affection to be real.

Instead of affection, express your admiration. That’s what he’s after. The masculine counterpoint to the female’s determined affection for sharing affection is earning self-admiration and yours is appreciated. Admiration simply registers with men more deeply than affection.

He either likes you as you are—virtues and shortcomings—and wants to keep you by his side. Or he doesn’t. When you’re being your true self, you can’t do much more to keep him alongside. If he quits selling himself to you, it’s all over. If you try to sell yourself to him, you act like a pushover, and his objective shifts to sex, which makes you booty or disposable after conquest.

Don’t be phony. A marriage likely won’t succeed very long if the wife shows up as different from the bride he married. So, phoniness is destructive long-range although you may gain some benefits in the near term.

Be quick to defend yourself instinctively and intuitively against any offense to your sense of good order and self-discipline, his displeasing you, embarrassing you, and especially his disrespecting you. Those things you don’t want to live with need to be disclosed when they first appear. The more you stand up for yourself pleasantly but uncompromisingly, the more respect you will earn and a man’s love is based on respect for women generally and you specifically.

Two things hold a man’s attention long enough to impress him with your respectability: refusing sex and standing up strongly for your dignity, values, and standards as both person and woman. Your objections not only earn his respect but make him uncomfortable, and discomfort changes a man’s behavior to favor you.

Out of all the above, you focus, perhaps re-learn some things and unlearn others, and use your superior relationship expertise to guide and shape dates into progressive steps of relationship development. It’s easy for me to spout it on screen, but you get both the fun and anxiety.

 

10 Comments

Filed under courtship, How she wins, sex differences

2127. Mirror Time — Part V: Early Reveille


Women long for happiness. It has to be earned, which means it comes at a cost. I propose a simple but not easy change in daily routine.

The way you appear at an event sends a message of how respected and important others present are to you. Have you thought about breakfast? Getting others to school or work in the morning? Sending those messages in an indirect manner that pleases you even more than them?

It’s not likely. Instead of paying the fare to jump aboard, you start the day by throwing yourself under the happy bus. You rush tiredly out of bed and rush yourself into an over-used or unsightly robe. Hair a mess, you disregard your appearance and mumble about your problems. You rush to help others before you help yourself. Rush to help everybody else and their daily start up, disrupt breakfast routine with irritation or anger, and add pressure to everyone’s departure so they rush to escape you. Consequently, by just not finding satisfaction with yourself first, you do all the wrong things for self and others. If you escape with sanity intact, you feel guilty, droopy, and worse but definitely dissatisfied for the rest of the day.

All your energy wiped out by one simple miscalculation. You didn’t start your day by proving to yourself that you’re still pretty and in charge in spite of what’s happening in your life. You didn’t renew vows to yourself that you like who and what you are even if others don’t. If you don’t know how to renew those vows, stick around. Details follow.

A simple but not easy way exists to jump on rather than under the bus. Take the rush out of your life and replace it with calm, smiles, and obvious dedication to those you love. You need only take charge and put it into habitual practice. Turn simple pretty time into extended mirror time and do it before others arise. You’ll see the people around you appreciate you much more just by you appreciating yourself much more.

First thing and before anyone else arises, spend 30 minutes before your mirror exchanging thoughts with your reflected image aka best friend. You have to make four sacrifices. 1) Go to sleep earlier. 2) Dedicate yourself to convert boring dead time into productive time for your mind, heart, and dreams. 3) Find the multitude of ways that make you like who and what you are by producing various results that enhance your prettiness, appearance, confidence, belief in self, and determination. 4) Quit quitting when trying to drop an old and develop a new habit. (Such as quitting New Year’s resolution.)

You’ll be surprised how it enables you to improve upon the world in which you live from reveille to taps. If you can’t figure out how to produce those results, sit there for 30 minutes every day and you will soon figure it out. Boredom will eventually open your eyes, mind, and heart, if you don’t quit. You’ll see that blaming others does nothing more than relieve you of doing the right thing, of taking and keeping control over your life.

Reasons and excuses always exist for not helping yourself when you don’t deserve it in the first place. Blaming others or endless wishes compensate when you don’t help yourself first. However, if not already very happy, you probably have at least one side of your life still buried in the multiplex of misery—unwanted singleness, disappointment, unhappiness, abandonment, loneliness, isolation, hopelessness, despair, divorce, depression, husbandless, childless, dreariness, gloom, self-discipline, loss of child, discipline with kids, cheating mate, or prospects of doom in legal or economic arenas.

You chose where you are in life and got there by not making better choices to help yourself; you deserve what you have. Oh, you don’t deserve it? Well, take 30 minutes at the mirror and ask your reflected friend about that point. Are you accurately stating your case? (Also, read Path to Victory at blog top.)

I understand you’re discouraged at the thought of committing 30 minutes. You’ve gone quiet, but I can hear you, ladies. Mumbling and grumbling at the thought of taking so much time out of your busy day. You say, it’s unreal and you can’t do it. You can’t do without that last 30 minutes of sleep. You must tend your infant during that time of day. You don’t need 30 minutes to plan your day, your future, or even your whole life. And, on and on. You tell yourself you’re doing well enough, at least for now. But are you? Are you happy enough now with your importance to self, family, and date or mate? Your prettiness? Your daily appearance? How you look in church? At work? On dates? Start your day at the mirror and you’ll take the rush out of your life and that of family members.

The 30 minutes is about planning your life while painting the barn and looking for ways to improve your prettiness. It’s about using your imagination to analyze your situations, exploit your self-gratitude, and upgrade your day and future to first exit the multiplex of misery and then refine your life into your girlhood hopes and dreams. Millions of dollars won’t do that for you. Neither will face lifts, liposuction, analysis, breast implants, or wrinkle removers. It’s in your heart to do it, if your mind will only enable it.

If self-gratitude, self-importance, and respect for others isn’t resurrected in your heart by using your mind, then your happiness will not develop as you wish. Happiness has to be earned out of gratitude, and it starts best at the mirror. As you take greater charge of your life each day, self-importance and respect for others also grows and puts you on the entry ramp to a great day for yourself.

Why 30 minutes? To provide enough time for your inborn female nature to energize itself into multi-tasking. You can’t just sit there and do nothing. Your mind will take advantage of the boredom that inevitably sets in when you run out of ideas for improving your prettiness and appearance—aka pleasing yourself first. Thirty minutes allows for emotional motivators to come awake in your heart. Emotions that move you to action such as shame, guilt, sorrow, competition, grief, anxiety, gratefulness, cooperation, prettiness, duty, debt, love, and hunger for importance and appreciation. Plus, internal values that need frequent reinforcement or recovery because they shape your mental health such as self-love, self-esteem, self-interest, self-image, self-gratitude, and expanded belief in yourself. Those and other blessings are available and usable through self-talk with your reflected image. Use the committed 30 minutes plus your mind to energize your curiosity and imagination in search of making your life more important to yourself and those around you and at the same time look more appealing. Thirty minutes without interruption about improving your prettiness, appearance, and life will work wonders to improve the various attitudes that flow from your heart.

Serendipity. You finish mirror time feeling GREAT about yourself. It’s the strongest possible foundation for facing life with confidence, patience, and understanding. Why? Because you grace yourself with qualities fed by your prettiness with inner peace left over. The ultimate expression of power is forgiveness. When you ignore the little and forgive the big things—and especially forgive yourself—harmony floods your home. When you as single woman or mom isolate yourself at the mirror each morning, you earn the ability to switch the world ON to make things go your way. With kindness ignited by belief in yourself, can your forgiving spirit be far behind? With kindness and forgiveness renewed in your heart, it makes both personal and family harmony easier and more permanent.

We all do what makes us feel good about ourselves. I propose that women isolate themselves for 30 minutes upon arising in the morning. They have the talent and skills but need to use them more productively to calm the waters of their high pressure, super-rushed lives.

——

P.S. So, you can’t do 30 minutes? Impossible, you say. Okay. The number is not as important as your dedication to yourself and commitment to neither change whatever minutes you choose nor quit the daily routine. But anything less than 20 minutes will likely sink your ship before you start. Without the boredom that will set in, your mind, heart, and spirit will stay focused on escaping the problems of life rather than producing improvements for a better life. In that case, you will find little or nothing to reward you for sticking to your time commitment, and you will soon quit.

G.

 

12 Comments

Filed under How she wins

2114. Female Blessings at Birth — 97


Her Highness That Horse is Dead inspired this 97th blessing to be added to Female Blessings at Birth at blog top.

Your comments help and I continue to seek your T or F as each registers within your heart of hearts.

I present it in first person, female.

  1. I’m grateful that I always know what I want and expect out of a man. Not so much particular behaviors but results that accumulate and brighten my future. [Guy adds: Consequently, women test endlessly to determine and ensure they are on track as each woman expects it with each man. Her Blessing: She knows what she wants and has the patience, instinct to rely on indirectness, and flexibility to accept less than ideal behaviors in order to fulfill her expectations of results. His Admiration: The better she knows how to get what she wants, the more respect she deserves.
  2. (I know there are more blessings to come. I await suggestions and inspiration. Target remains set at 100.)

If you disagree with #97, please register it with an big, fat F for false.

 

9 Comments

Filed under feminine

2104. Will You Respect Me in the Morning?


Sir Eric at 2101 pondered life this way. “This is something I’ve never quite understood: I can’t imagine having sex with any woman I didn’t at least value in some way. It would seem actually to work the opposite way: a woman giving sex to a given man should, in theory, increase his respect for her.

What you say makes you a better man. It has significant appeal to women, and they seem to even shape their lives around that idea. Doing so, however, is flawed.

You probably learned such respectful values growing up; mother or other women taught you. You benefited from old school teachings. It used to be that way and girls knew to capitalize and complete the process to the advantage of females and children. Mothers tamed boys, girls guided teens toward marriage, and wives domesticated husbands for harmony in the home. It aimed at teaching males to respect females by females earning it.

Men don’t need to respect a woman to bed her. How often are you aware of men jumping into bed after taking only a short time to determine how respectable much less respected the women are?

Unless a man is taught in his youth to unconditionally respect women as unique and very different and very respectable creatures, it takes time for him to learn to respect each one. It’s the main disqualifier of masculine-style sexual freedom for women; they don’t earn the respect of men or each man they bed. Yielding sex does not earn masculine respect; in fact, cheap and easy conquest awards her disrespect. Moreover, if she’s easy for him, then she’s not respectable enough to be faithful to him. If the man has not paid his supreme sacrifice, namely yielding his independence on her behalf, she’s shortchanged of his respect.

The nature of man works like this. Men have two very differently motivated sex drives. The first is to conquer attractive women, That primal urge quits for each conquered woman but remains active for others. The second is the normal physiological and psychological urge that women know so well.

To conquerors, the vanquished earn as much respect as they are difficult to conquer; the higher her price, the more respect she earns. It’s not sex that earns respect, it’s her character that controls access to her sexual assets.

Having given up her most prized possession to him in their first sex together, he views her very differently and she’s easily disposable, candidate for booty, or a keeper for another reason. The other reason is respect based on her qualities other than sex. Qualities he can admire as virtues.

As to their subsequent sex, it’s routine because he as conqueror ‘owns’ the ‘right’. He may learn to like and enjoy it and it may entitle her to a great position in his life, but any additional respect that she accumulates comes from other than their sex together.

Female genitalia does not earn loyalty. However, it’s potential for loyalty can be realized, and she is born with the ability and talent. She lures without conquest in ways that produce devotion to her based on virtues that idealize her promise as his ‘support system’ to fulfill his life’s ambitions. IOW, a long chaste courtship which she arranges and manages in order to brighten her future by showing the promise to strengthen his life. As her virtues accumulate in his mind, his respect grows.

Eric’s standard is admirable. While it may not be rare, women are making it more so with masculine-style sexual freedom. Maximum respect of females is mutually exclusive with unmarried sex.

 

10 Comments

Filed under courtship

2092. Compatibility Axioms #501-510


All that follows below is based on the natures of men and women as they are born. Women have to figure out what’s best for them given the lessons they have learned in life and the relationships they enter.

501. Men flourish with a woman’s respect and gratefulness much more than her love and affection. [175]

502. Both individually and collectively, men are as handsome, charming, gentlemanly, and beneficial as women and ladies treat them. They are as unappealing, aggressive, and dominant as women call them. The self-fulfilling prophecy works both ways. [175]

503. If a woman helps a man build his castle, he primarily judges her effectiveness by how she supports what he does at work and play. He takes her support inside her nest for granted. [185]

504. If he won’t modify his habits in order to please her before they first have sex together, he sure won’t do it afterward. [185]

505. If attracted to a woman he respects or has not conquered, a man’s good side emerges. If his bad side shows up, and she can’t turn it around, he lacks respect for her. All men have both sides. [185]

506. A mature woman can adjust to her man’s sharp tongue much easier than he can cope with hers. [186]

507. When words are enough to conquer, that and little else is what men offer. [186]

508. She loves three little words. Com-mit-ment counts and so does, “What’s for dinner?” [186]

509. Virtual virginity buys time to earn a man’s devotion, which bonds more tightly than commitment. [186]

510. Women sing: ♫ I can do anything he can do better.♫ Men respond: ♫ Just you wait and see. ♫ [189]

 

5 Comments

Filed under Dear daughter

2086. Female Blessings at Birth — 85-87 Plus


The new project seeds continue at the end of each blessing. They are bolded. I cite her blessing as men might see it and add a man’s natural response. Your comments help.

Blessing approval continues. Agree with these?

85. I am grateful to be ‘wired’ this way. When I sit to eat a meal prepared by me or someone else, my mind becomes occupied by more important things than enjoying the food. So I don’t overeat. [Special credit to Marianne S. for her contribution identifying this female blessing that comes with birth. Guy adds: Her mind flashes to other things on her agenda, such as how to 1) brighten the next upcoming event or opportunity. 2) Stimulate conversation that affirms the eaters or whoever fixed the meal. 3) Find gratitude in having family or friends gathered together for a short while. 4) Find pleasure with herself for bringing two or more together. 5) Discourage daughters from eating too much. 6) Jump up to serve others. 7) Enjoy herself for having prepared the food. 8) Enjoy that the males of her family are satisfying themselves with her food, company, or both. 9) Confirm to herself that tomorrow’s schedule will come off better than today’s. 10) And ad infinitum. Consequently, with her mind preoccupied on other than directly pleasing her own taste buds, she eats slowly and lightly and appreciates that it’s normal, that she is made that way. Moreover, preparing food adds to her sense of importance. Eating eagerly and satisfyingly to please her taste buds—as men do naturally—adds to her proportions unnaturally. She inherits at birth the excellent insight and primal urge to enjoy things other than eating at meal time. Thus, the overweight that she sees on herself is a sign of past disregard of her feminine nature, particularly disregard by trying to copy men or compensate for frustration, boredom, or depression by heavy eating. She’s born to be naturally compatible, and changing her bridal shape to something else is unnatural and does not add to husband’s gratitude for their togetherness. Her blessing: She tends to avoid and not become overweight. His admiration: Her convictions guide her well, and I love her more for remaining the woman I married.]

86. I put myself at disadvantage if I approach men of interest first. Something inside disturbs my mind, even though men say they are flattered and other women encourage it. [Special credit to Screamstyle for her contribution identifying this female blessing that comes with birth. Guy adds: Men don’t expect it and don’t respect women that do it. It smacks that she’s desperate, because it brings her out of the cocoon of uniqueness that men like and expect to see. Female desperation discourages his initiative and prevents the development of manly respect. Men expect women to be independent and uniquely self-sufficient, which a man’s nature expects to last until he proactively turns her interests toward him. If she approaches him, she takes away his opportunity to earn her attention, which means he doesn’t much respect whatever attention she gives him. Her approach also takes away his opportunity to admire the effects he expects to produce. Provided, that is, if he’s interested in her for more than sex. Her blessing: She has patience and respect for men to do the right thing correctly. His admiration: She has self-respect, self-discipline, determination, and high expectations and probably high standards. I shall have to try harder.]

87. I am grateful that my instinct leads me to this. The natural organization of relationships calls for ‘us’ to come before him, him to come before me, and we come before others. (I wish that men would learn that part about “us to come before him”. My setting the example doesn’t seem the least bit contagious.) [Guy adds: Men don’t think ‘us comes before him or her, only women think that way. Either she comes before him or he comes before her. (I disregard the unusual in-between balance just to compare the norm.) She comes first means that he’s very devoted to her. He comes first means that he conquered her without investing himself very deeply in the process of respecting her and therefore wanting to please her endearingly. Men don’t love as women do, and women defeat themselves by expecting it. Think of man and man’s best friend. The more he cares for and pleases his dog with both treats and challenges, the more devoted he becomes to the dog. It’s much the same principle in courtship. His actions program his heart. The more he pleases and presents challenges to a woman in ways that satisfy him, the deeper his devotion grows, the more endearingly he seeks to share himself. If a woman seeks to assess a man’s love of her, let her evaluate his dedication to each of these: 1) His respect for her as person and woman (the foundation). 2) His devotion that pleases her according to his tastes and wishes (his investment). 3) His satisfaction with the way she fills her various roles in their life together (his dependence on her). 4) How her presence enlarges his self-confidence including in bed and public (his return on investment). 5) How her presence lifts his spirits and settles his attitudes (reward for good husbanding). Her blessing: She knows how relationships work, she’s the expert. His admiration: She’s wonderful because he doesn’t have to do it.]

As before, mark each item T or F with whatever comment you wish to add.

This is an old subject expressed a new way. The superior sex is the irresistible force pitted against the immovable object, the dominant sex. Men can be moved by one irresistible force: Indirect leadership built around attractiveness and natural blessings that empower women from birth. Men lack such influential abilities.

 

7 Comments

Filed under feminine

2083. Female Blessings at Birth — 76-78


I continue my attempt to identify and have readers confirm or deny 100 blessings that women inherit at birth. So far, I’m stuck at 92 of which the following are the latest for you to review, contest, argue, or otherwise disagree.

This is the 26th installment and I’m grateful for your responses. Especially those that signify your agreement or disagreement, T or F. Comments of contradiction work best to help clarify each blessing.

76. I am grateful that I can read men but I often doubt myself. I need to do better for my own protection. My heart tells me that protection of my sexual assets adds to my personal importance, female uniqueness, and worth as mating partner. [Guy adds: It’s ironic. Victimized by rape terrifies women both for the violence and being ‘ruined for life’. Yet, to a man, a rape victim deserves more respect than a woman that gives it away to someone other than him.]

77. I am grateful that I love to smile and enjoy finding reasons to do so. It brightens the day for me and those around me. It encourages others, charms men into being pleasant and/or funny, and makes me even prettier. [Guy adds: Special credit to Catherine for her contribution identifying this female blessing that comes with birth.]

78. I’m grateful although I find it hard to live with. Deep in my heart I recognize that I can’t change anyone else. I keep trying but produce unintended consequences. [Guy adds: When you change yourself, however, it has an effect on others and they often modify their behavior in response. You can’t count on it, but you’re usually better off whether they respond better to you or not. Actions that reveal you as different can also cure many things, such as fear, doubt, and relationship mistakes.]

Example for your response: “78-F ” works okay to reflect your opinion of false to that one item. Also, comments are welcome and desired, especially if you take exception to anything or everything.

 

5 Comments

Filed under feminine