- Pre-conquest a gal tells a guy I love you or even acts like she’s hot for him. It has two effects foreign to woman-think. She will be easier to conquer, and it’s an unearned gift, which men don’t appreciate. In effect, before he earns her according to her standards and expectations, admitting her love of him works against her interest. Actually, even his knowing he has a chance with her works to his advantage.
- Men tend to figure out women by her actions rather believing her words. Women pay more attention to words and tend to rely on them. She likes to spread her love directly, up close and personal. Men don’t appreciate her love that way; they prefer to see it more indirectly. He isn’t excited about her words but mostly her actions that he figures satisfies him.
- The most primal need of men is for a place to flop, eat, throw their things, do some R&R, and prepare to fight their dragons tomorrow. The woman who satisfies that need, her love is genuine and believable.
- A woman’s love spread indirectly registers with all men. For example, in public—but not during guy time—a woman in love stays close as if attached to her man, holds his arm or hand, and listens closely to what he’s saying. Other men see her doing that. They envy him and his respect grows among his competitors. Peers wish they had a woman like her; one who showed such respect for them. Given time and opportunity, however, they may also try to take her away from him.
- What love is to women, respect is to men. However, not exactly. Women give their love freely and openly. Men give respect to those who earn it and earned more indirectly than directly.
- A man enters marriage with several convictions. He doesn’t intend to fail. He will continue to keep himself satisfied with who he is, what he does, and with his marriage as a whole. IOW, he enters the marital home expecting to remain pretty close to the same guy as before. He will adjust as necessary to enable wife to govern the home and relationships within it. IOW, he expects her to run everything except those things for which he’s responsible; e.g., his car, job, and whatever else he chooses, perhaps yardwork etc.
- The most obvious form of a man’s love is his devotion to her, to repeatedly pleasing her for the purpose of pleasing them both. If she finds herself in that condition, she should upgrade his worth to her.
Tag Archives: respect
At 2505 Her Highness Honorfemineity mentioned a subject fond in my heart and worthy of revisit. I first published 2059 two years ago.
At 2058 Her Highness Prettybeans said to me. “Men are never more handsome as when they continue in their tireless efforts to teach and encourage recovery among ladies. Thank you.” Thus, she gives me both a perfect payday and perfect opportunity to further explain men.
When a man does something he considers a responsibility or obligation, it may be nice but he doesn’t expect to be thanked. It’s his duty. It’s the flip side of an unearned gift. Moreover, in today’s world, thank you is as worn out in sincerity as “I apologize.” So men pay little attention to thank you. Unless of course it’s extended as part of a hug from a pretty woman, which makes what he hears even less relevant.
OTOH, surprisingly expressed indirect compliments work wonders. Even reading Prettybeans above, note that the sentence is flooded with meaning for me that makes “Thank you” virtually unnoticeable.
I propose you ladies learn to charm men in general by charming individuals of opportunity. Charm both known and unknown men with indirect compliments wrapped in female boldness that produces the feminine advantage that women long to have. The benefits come to women from the effects they have on the masculine mind.
My favorite indirect compliment is this: “Men are never more handsome than when they please a lady (for whatever they do).” Use it every time a man pleases you. Opens the door, seats you at table, lets you go ahead of him in a waiting line, husband does laundry or brings you flowers. It doesn’t matter. If a man pleases you, suggest that he just might be made more handsome for doing it. You like to be reminded that you’re pretty don’t you? Indirectness works best with men.
- First, you have not hit on him. You merely used a surprisingly pleasant way of expressing gratefulness for manly conduct that pleases you as a woman. After the same man has heard it several times, the surprise may evaporate but the friendly reminder will only fade slightly if at all.
- When you claim yourself as a lady a few times, you will benefit both yourself and set standards for men. Up to which men learn to step when convinced you are what you claim repeatedly.
- The phrasing makes it sound routine for other men. Strangers read it that you are routinely pleased by other men and it generates uncommon friendliness. Men you know are encouraged to do more to stay ahead of their competitors and to keep you pleased with them.
- Men love to be called handsome by women, but you didn’t call him that. You call him one of many. He has to infer that he’s included among the pleasers of women, which encourages more because of the success you surprise him with.
- Although delivered directly, you pass an indirect compliment. He has to make it personal. If he’s handsome for pleasing you, then his male competitors are too. To compete better, he’s encouraged to please you and perhaps others as opportunities arise. He sees women as targets to uplift as unique and deserving of his ability to please. It’s a natural follow-on to his success among competitors. He only has to connect pleasing women to earning self-admiration to make him a better man in the eyes of females.
It works in writing, just as Prettybeans wrote to me above. But, ladies, if you want the full effect, do it this way. For example, a stranger speeds up to hold open the door for you to enter a public building. Halfway through or after the door closes, stop to gain his attention, smile sincerely, capture his eyeballs with yours, and BOLDLY say, “You know, (pause) men are never more handsome than when they please a lady.” And don’t say thank you. Just continue to smile and walk on with something like “Have a good day.”
He can’t just hear it either. His ears are not his primary sensor. Belief only comes when he sees your earnestness. Eye-to-eye displays feminine courage that men respect.
I understand you ladies can’t accept what I propose. It requires too much boldness among other sensibilities. Were I in your shoes, I probably wouldn’t think of such a thing. Remember, I’m pushing you no harder than showing an example. Primarily, I’m using it to explain the male mind. You have to figure out how to make men please you, as modern men don’t seem too eager except in pursuit of sex. Only women can train men to do the right thing as women see what is right. Most women think it’s right for them to be pleased and especially by men. That’s why I’m here to help.
I promise you this. Provided you do it boldly, smilingly, and with eyeballs locked with his when you say it, you will find significant pleasure in their reactions. You’ll recognize that you’ve charged them up with new pleasure and perhaps fascination in you. When a woman makes a man feel fantastic about himself, she assumes an aura of respectability that modern women lack.
What’s the effect on him? Think it through. You just convinced one man that ladies have standards up to which a man can easily find success, can find pleasure doing for others. To be more significant, to find more self-admiration, he only needs to please more women. How can that not be good? How can that not enhance the importance of a woman?
If you recall their natures, women are born to be good and men to do good. But women have to determine what is good for men to do. When men determine what is good, women find it mostly ‘ungood’ for them.
If women are ever to stop or even slow modern society’s slide from goodness toward evil, they must let men know that female standards not only exist but need to be honored. The way to gain honor is to encourage men to do good, specifically do what women expect. The simple “Men are never more handsome…” can jumpstart any woman’s contribution to pleasing men by pleasing herself to please men in ways that benefit Womanhood.
- Expecting Mr. Good Enough to make himself worthy of her creates relationship glue. The drawn out habit-forming process should have no precise rush or goal for her; just enable him to develop his worthiness. If marriage results, it will be his idea or it likely won’t last. The prove-his-worth glue should help her harmonize their togetherness (unless, of course, she assumes another persona after marriage).
- Men can’t duplicate God’s unconditional love, but they can show the earthly equivalent. That is, unconditional respect for individuals, especially those that reveal they don’t deserve it. (Strictly by the male nature, men only respect those who earn their personal respect.)
- Men are slow to adapt, but they follow for better or worse the moral and religious standards exemplified by women and especially their woman. (Men like for all women to live by the same values, standards, and expectations that are elevated above masculinity. In the past, men morphed into gentlemen in the wake of women who styled themselves as ladies. It makes women more mysterious, unpredictable, and not understandable. All of which makes them more attractive to men, when their inside attractiveness uplifts their outside appearance.)
- Projecting gratitude and respect reflects on hubby as her dependence. It makes wife more valuable to him, even though she proves herself relatively independent in harmonizing the home.
- Professing psychological need of a man—‘I can’t do without you’— weakens her case to keep him. She acts too possessive. He’s neither pleased nor capable, and he dodges it until she gets sickening about it. Then he departs.
- These multiplex ingredients blend into maximum marital glue. Her likeability reinforces his significance. In his eyes he’s a better man for having her. His significance reinforces her need for a brighter future. She’s a better woman for having it brighter. Without those connections intensely exchanged, other single ingredients can be insufficient, e.g., love, respect, affection, vows, dependence.
Dating success follows certain principles that govern the interaction for a developing relationship. Many functions are key.
You’re the tick, he’s the tock. You specialize in showing interest in him and then listening. You respect and enable him to communicate directly and you respond as indirectly as polite. He’s selling himself, so let him. If necessary, you show interest in him and he responds. You enable him to lead and make your spirit of cooperation to shine in his favor.
Howsomeever, as I used to hear country folk declare an upcoming contrary thought, you compete directly and even get in his face if necessary to 1) defend your sexual standards and expectations against his insistence and persistence, or 2) terminate what’s happening and put an end to the date or relationship.
Forget these two things that mean so much to you.
- You can’t make him like you, especially if you try. Trying alone makes you do the wrong things. Example: Relying on three little words may help but it’s really insignificant; men judge on actions primarily and seldom on words. Be yourself. Make him win your affection, make himself worthy of you; he doesn’t appreciate unearned gifts.
- Don’t try to impress him and don’t even disclose whatever affection you may have for him, except to say you like him—somewhat, starting to, perhaps even teasingly, but never a helluva lot. Mystery, remember? To like him some and respect him a lot are enough for him. He believes it better anyway if he figures for himself that your actions signify your affection to be real.
Instead of affection, express your admiration. That’s what he’s after. The masculine counterpoint to the female’s determined affection for sharing affection is earning self-admiration and yours is appreciated. Admiration simply registers with men more deeply than affection.
He either likes you as you are—virtues and shortcomings—and wants to keep you by his side. Or he doesn’t. When you’re being your true self, you can’t do much more to keep him alongside. If he quits selling himself to you, it’s all over. If you try to sell yourself to him, you act like a pushover, and his objective shifts to sex, which makes you booty or disposable after conquest.
Don’t be phony. A marriage likely won’t succeed very long if the wife shows up as different from the bride he married. So, phoniness is destructive long-range although you may gain some benefits in the near term.
Be quick to defend yourself instinctively and intuitively against any offense to your sense of good order and self-discipline, his displeasing you, embarrassing you, and especially his disrespecting you. Those things you don’t want to live with need to be disclosed when they first appear. The more you stand up for yourself pleasantly but uncompromisingly, the more respect you will earn and a man’s love is based on respect for women generally and you specifically.
Two things hold a man’s attention long enough to impress him with your respectability: refusing sex and standing up strongly for your dignity, values, and standards as both person and woman. Your objections not only earn his respect but make him uncomfortable, and discomfort changes a man’s behavior to favor you.
Out of all the above, you focus, perhaps re-learn some things and unlearn others, and use your superior relationship expertise to guide and shape dates into progressive steps of relationship development. It’s easy for me to spout it on screen, but you get both the fun and anxiety.
Her Highness That Horse is Dead inspired this 97th blessing to be added to Female Blessings at Birth at blog top.
Your comments help and I continue to seek your T or F as each registers within your heart of hearts.
I present it in first person, female.
- I’m grateful that I always know what I want and expect out of a man. Not so much particular behaviors but results that accumulate and brighten my future. [Guy adds: Consequently, women test endlessly to determine and ensure they are on track as each woman expects it with each man. Her Blessing: She knows what she wants and has the patience, instinct to rely on indirectness, and flexibility to accept less than ideal behaviors in order to fulfill her expectations of results. His Admiration: The better she knows how to get what she wants, the more respect she deserves.
- (I know there are more blessings to come. I await suggestions and inspiration. Target remains set at 100.)
If you disagree with #97, please register it with an big, fat F for false.
Sir Eric at 2101 pondered life this way. “This is something I’ve never quite understood: I can’t imagine having sex with any woman I didn’t at least value in some way. It would seem actually to work the opposite way: a woman giving sex to a given man should, in theory, increase his respect for her.
What you say makes you a better man. It has significant appeal to women, and they seem to even shape their lives around that idea. Doing so, however, is flawed.
You probably learned such respectful values growing up; mother or other women taught you. You benefited from old school teachings. It used to be that way and girls knew to capitalize and complete the process to the advantage of females and children. Mothers tamed boys, girls guided teens toward marriage, and wives domesticated husbands for harmony in the home. It aimed at teaching males to respect females by females earning it.
Men don’t need to respect a woman to bed her. How often are you aware of men jumping into bed after taking only a short time to determine how respectable much less respected the women are?
Unless a man is taught in his youth to unconditionally respect women as unique and very different and very respectable creatures, it takes time for him to learn to respect each one. It’s the main disqualifier of masculine-style sexual freedom for women; they don’t earn the respect of men or each man they bed. Yielding sex does not earn masculine respect; in fact, cheap and easy conquest awards her disrespect. Moreover, if she’s easy for him, then she’s not respectable enough to be faithful to him. If the man has not paid his supreme sacrifice, namely yielding his independence on her behalf, she’s shortchanged of his respect.
The nature of man works like this. Men have two very differently motivated sex drives. The first is to conquer attractive women, That primal urge quits for each conquered woman but remains active for others. The second is the normal physiological and psychological urge that women know so well.
To conquerors, the vanquished earn as much respect as they are difficult to conquer; the higher her price, the more respect she earns. It’s not sex that earns respect, it’s her character that controls access to her sexual assets.
Having given up her most prized possession to him in their first sex together, he views her very differently and she’s easily disposable, candidate for booty, or a keeper for another reason. The other reason is respect based on her qualities other than sex. Qualities he can admire as virtues.
As to their subsequent sex, it’s routine because he as conqueror ‘owns’ the ‘right’. He may learn to like and enjoy it and it may entitle her to a great position in his life, but any additional respect that she accumulates comes from other than their sex together.
Female genitalia does not earn loyalty. However, it’s potential for loyalty can be realized, and she is born with the ability and talent. She lures without conquest in ways that produce devotion to her based on virtues that idealize her promise as his ‘support system’ to fulfill his life’s ambitions. IOW, a long chaste courtship which she arranges and manages in order to brighten her future by showing the promise to strengthen his life. As her virtues accumulate in his mind, his respect grows.
Eric’s standard is admirable. While it may not be rare, women are making it more so with masculine-style sexual freedom. Maximum respect of females is mutually exclusive with unmarried sex.