Her Highness Cinnamon asks what ‘respect’ looks like.
Most of the respect females show males is the absence of action. Men, being visual and action oriented creatures, identify respect as the absence of distractions and disturbances. Consequently, you are automatically respectful of men when you pay close attention to what each one says and does. (Don’t get angry yet, gals, your side comes tomorrow.)
A man does not expect to earn your respect. It’s just due him. He will do what it takes to earn your love but not your respect. If he has to earn respect, he has to vacate his dominant perch and instruct you on how to treat him. That in itself earns disrespect. (I’m the boss; do as I say, not as I do.)
A man sets his goal to capture you. He discovers your virtues. They confirm his intention to proceed and confirm that your loyalty and likeability agreeably match his own. Finally he verifies that your fascination is potentially promising as a mate. It’s another version of walking himself to the altar founded on the background presumption first and visible evidence second that proves he’s respected by you.
There are many ways of respecting your man, but you usually use those that produce the best results to please yourself. (Unfortunately, it’s easy for your emotions, habits, and outside influences to steer you off course.) Here are some good ways:
- Speaking highly of him in front of others when he’s not present.
- Deferring to his judgments including those that you suppose or figure he would make.
- Uplifting him before the children especially when he’s not present.
- Displaying quality in what you do for him, whether cooking, cleaning, or errand running. (Anyone can do those things, but adding quality signifies respect.)
- Displaying loving gestures that deepen your loyalty and likeability (which amplifies his conviction).
- Speaking in the company of others, you look at his face and not around the room or at those present. You’re interested in what he has to say. (If you’re not, why should others be interested in him?)
- Smiling, you find that his earns yours and hope vice versa.
- Speaking, you listen and then respond to what you heard. Then you respond with your agenda second instead of first.
- Needing help (e.g., with the dishes) but he refuses, too busy. Smilingly, pleasantly, and teasingly you remind him of his superior role in this vail of tears. (You rule the rooster best when you can’t be defeated in spirit. When he figures you’re disappointed, it’s far more meaningful. Maintaining his respect is better for the future than cooperation or sympathy in the present.)
- Holding for you the restaurant door, you let him precede to the hostess and hope he lets you go in front to the table. (Men appear respectable to women and set a good example for men when they defer politely to women in public. Etiquette is more than fancy behavior; it generates mutual respect.)
- Departing social situations you look for his guidance. (Of course your glance can be commanding but it doesn’t reflect as disrespect, which it can if overemphasized or overused.)
- Demanding isn’t your style, especially in public. (And best not even in private. You have too many other skills that uphold respect.)
- Avoiding the endless ‘clacking’ of details about the mundane, you honor his intelligence as worthy and useful in his private mental “space.” [Thanks to Sharon.]
You ladies are invited to help me add to this list. I will as new thoughts come to mind.
It’s your side tomorrow so stay tuned for 2202. Your purpose of respecting men is to please yourself. If not, you do it wrongly.