2168. Chivalry — Another Casualty from the Dark Side of Feminism

There’s more coming on mid-life dating, but let’s take a break. Guy Jr. and I collaborated on this subject and two part series for weekend reading.

Women are givers, men are takers. Right? However, bet you never thought of these social processes that leave women craving better men made worse by the death of chivalry.

The spirit of Feminism stirs masculine indignation against feminists; which spreads as non-feminists fall for propaganda and adopt feminist values and expectations; which causes masculine disappointment in womanhood; which stimulates loss of unconditional respect for the female gender; which over time morphs into fury and anger at individual women who show men disrespect; which stirs ambitions for revenge; which intensifies as women blame men for social ills and domestic incompatibility; which convinces men that female uniqueness is valuable only for sex; which kills masculine desire to be more giving; which terminates incentives for gentlemanly behavior and energies for chivalry. Even momentarily, men are unwilling to yield their convenience as symbol of higher regard for women than themselves. Self-centeredness, selfishness, and more taking prevail among men.

Domestic incompatibility soars as women face off against men made uninterested and inadequate for helping to fulfill female hopes and dreams.

History records it this way. The suffragettes planted the seeds, Women’s Liberation fertilized it, and feminists reaped the political fruit trying to emasculate men and thereby destroy patriarchy. Due and well earned in legal, political, and economic arenas, women’s advancements at men’s expense spread toxins into social and domestic arenas, which today makes couples incompatible.

Feminists killed the social construct of ladies as cultural opinion leaders, which pushed men to abandon gentlemanly behavior. Feminists rejected unconditional respect for females to symbolize their demand that men accept the political superiority of the female gender. Needing to appear as dominant leaders, feminists rejected chivalry, belittled gentlemanly courtesies, and shamed the unconditional respect of men for the female gender. (I can open doors myself, I don’t need you.)

Women accepted feminist propaganda and watched as ladyhood died of feminist ridicule. Women abandoned femininity as a featured attraction to capture a man for mating. Men lost interest in female hopes and dreams.

In the name of attacking manhood, womanhood was victimized by radical feminists. Chivalry disappeared along with the death of masculine thoughts that women deserved special attention and treatment just for being the weaker sex. Feminists could not admit to being the weaker sex, even though it’s a misnomer based solely on physical differences. As women proclaimed less need for men and greater strength for femaleness, they got what they wished for. Independence from men except for sex, which also nullified any need for chivalry.

I think it purposeful. Feminism killed the unconditional respect of one’s gender for the other sex that our forebears had developed and had become the greatest protector ever devised for women and children—respect solely because they are women and children (and who gets in the life boat first). Mutual respect for the opposite sex was demeaned and lost trying to benefit women at the expense of men.

Loss of mutual respect at gender level magnifies the loss at individual level. Undesirable relationship outcomes for females depletes the benefits of men in their lives. Witness the death of chivalry, fading away of gentlemanly behavior, and disintegration of harmonious family life—all tied together in a neat radical package.

The fallout today? Boys taught to be chivalrous such as in scouting discover they are emasculated in the eyes of girls and women. After a few unsuccessful efforts to demonstrate gentlemanly or chivalrous behavior, they just quit. Without female encouragement, they turn to easier ways. For example, this ultimate insult for women as quoted from the Manosphere, “there is unanimous agreement that you should never buy dinner for a woman as a date before you have had sex with her. This is probably the most unanimous point of agreement across all Game material from all sources.” Can you think of a bigger opposite of chivalry?

Chivalry triggers unconditional giving of oneself by a man, which minimizes masculine selfishness and neutralizes his role as taker, which symbolizes unconditional respect of women, which recognizes a certain superiority of the female gender, and which puts his convenience momentarily at the disposal of a woman. No wonder women appreciate chivalry and wish they had it again.

 

2167. Dating in Mid-life — Part C5: More Personal Planning

First, you have advertise. Then you meet. Then you screen. Then you accept his invitation to date. I suggest you plan what you want and how you will get those things by talking to yourself in the mirror. You will also get to know yourself better, which means more confidence and dedication to your mission of dating anew. Your best friend in the mirror will also help convince you that dating is to find a man worthy of you rather than making yourself worthy and available for even the most gorgeous of men. (There ain’t no Mr. Right until you make him so.)

You are precisely in life today where you have chosen to be. Whoever, whatever, and wherever you are produced the results you see in the mirror. The fact that you seek a date means you need an upgrade. Every gal needs it periodically even if not dating. Makeover? New clothes? New hairdo? More neatness? More feminine? More modesty? More mystery? Less selfish? Less weight? More other-centeredness? More lighthearted persona? More smiles? Reinforced sincerity to prevent using phoniness to get immediate gratification? You’ll figure out what you have to have or just want, if you spend enough time with your reflected best friend.

Perhaps you can or should improve all of the above. The more time you spend at the mirror, the more and better you will figure out just what needs to be done to satisfy you (which never happens anyway except temporarily). Why is it important?

Simultaneously, you will be reinforcing your self-image, your picture of self, which governs how you live your life. We all act according to the picture we have of ourselves. When we ‘fall out of line’, do something out of character for example, we either alibi it to ourselves or others, correct it if we can, or apologize if we should. IOW, we take some action when we fail to stay within the limits set by our self-image of who we are, what we do, and how we live life.

But let’s move on. Stay away from cleavage, exotic, and erotic. You can expect those things will get you invited for dates. But, when a date’s mind gets transfixed on sex first, it doubles the difficulty for you to convert his interest back to your person. If you’re not his primary interest, his actions to please you won’t likely develop into devotion, just commitment for temporary sex.

Sometime, and I suggest at the mirror, you need to specify to yourself just where you stand on values, standards, and expectations to control his behavior. If you don’t expect these things, they will not happen. For example, these should be minimal:

• You expect to be treated respectfully as person, female, and guest of a presumed gentleman.
• He must respect your modesty religion, moral standards, and whatever you choose to disclose about family, friends, and self.
• He can’t touch your erogenous zones if uninvited and you don’t expect invitations to be forthcoming until…? (I suggest after his diamond commitment. Nothing sacred about it, but deep arousal should be delayed as long as it takes him to become devoted to you.)
• Foul language is unwelcome. (It’s an easy distinguisher to separate you from other women, make you unique among your competitors.)
• Sex is not a discussable topic unless you mention it. If he brings up the subject of sex, you counter with the subject of marriage. Keep the latter going until he stops the former. The objective being to get off sex rather than stay on marriage. (But, incidentally, if he can’t abide you mentioning marriage, it’s a red flag that he can’t think about it.)
• Finally, have a few ways of making him uncomfortable when he goes too far for your comfort, or objectives, or intentions, or pledges to yourself. Find other softer ways to say, No ring, no booty.

All of the above enable you to take stands that earn respect simply because you claim them as who you are, and you do it with pride, confidence, and disregard for whether others like it or not.

If you really want to seal the deal of venturing into the dating arena with a stronger and more appealing presence, I suggest that conclusions you make at the mirror be transcribed into a journal. Put in writing what you commit to about yourself, standards, and expectations. For example, what red flags are sufficient to call it off for a man?

Now ladies, I recognize that I have been talking like a man. You all know how to water down my rhetoric and make it more relevant to your condition with less directness and more understanding. Essentially, that applies throughout this mid-life dating series. In the process of being indirect except for offenses that you won’t stand for, you’ll know how to do it better and more polished than I describe it.

 

2061. Female Blessings at Birth — 61-63

EDITOR’S NOTE: I detect disinterest in this series. Is there too much of it? Irrelevant to your life? Inaccurate or too speculative? Make you uncomfortable? I’ve not lost my conviction that the major impediment to female happiness in society today is this. Women are not grateful enough for themselves as unique individuals. They too much want to be thankful that they are like everyone else, which is sour thinking for gals seeking happiness with a lifetime mate. The best men marry women who are unique, different from other gals. Poorer candidates for marriage have to take what’s left over. In our case here, it means gals who have little different to offer than sex, which doesn’t make them different to men thinking long term.

Nevertheless, for now, I continue with the project of asking for your agreement/disagreement on the long list of blessings that women inherit at birth. This is the 21st group of three blessings, and I’m grateful for your responses. Especially those that signify your agreement or disagreement, T or F.

61. I know that my mirror-reflected image is both my best friend (next to Jesus) and one to whom I cannot lie for very long. It constantly varies, but in front of a mirror I’m grateful for either the mirror, my image, or myself. Consequently, a mirror works as a reliable pick-me-up. [Guy adds: I am frequently asked why I recommend mirror time each morning. The reasons are scattered in several article and too numerous for here. I shall prepare a new summary article, so don’t let me forget it.]

62. I unconditionally respect people and loved ones. It’s an awesome power that I can trust people whom I know until evidence and good reason reveal that I shouldn’t. [Guy adds: This is always worth repeating. If you want to be trusted by someone, show them more respect. If you want to be respected, show them more trust. Let that percolate within your parental mind too.]

63. I am intuitively able to give people benefit of the doubt until they prove undeserving of it. [Guy adds: Two natural reasons are behind that female trait. First, females are primarily givers until turned against it or for certain things. Second, giving benefit of the doubt is a vital technique for relationship experts; give it up and expertise is weakened.]

Example for your response: “63-F ” works okay to reflect your opinion of false to that one item. Also, comments are welcome and desired, especially if you take exception to anything. And even more especially, if you will respond to the Editor’s Note at the top.

 

1996. Self-gratitude — Default Attitudes

Yesterday I posted angelic whipped cream to the self-gratitude sundae. Today I add the nuts of gratefulness. The numbered list of naturally endowed female qualities that women inherit at birth has been revised and enlarged. It’s posted as a separate page at blog top.

Default attitudes reflect the way that God designs, Nature endows, and hormones energize females to function as the superior sex within society built and sustained by the dominant sex. Tomorrow, the cherry of recovery completes the sundae at 1997.

 

667. Response to Viewer — Item 17

Her Highness Easybreezy prompted this article by wondering at post #439: “So how much better was it ‘back then’?” She referred to women upholding virtue many years ago.

ONCE UPON A TIME

Those American centuries and decades before the 1960s seem strange to young females. They’ve imbibed so much feminist propaganda.

Female virtue indirectly enabled wives to run up a string of cultural victories for women. Our foremothers followed the spirit of abstinence without marriage, which influenced our forefathers to develop better character. Men had to earn and qualify for a woman’s hand, even after progress removed fathers from the process. Consequently, having to prove themselves worthy, men made better husbands and fathers.

Wives stressed family-friendly political, legal, and social norms and improvements. Wives influenced husbands to produce in the workplace societal improvements that evolved into family-friendly cultural values. Some examples of societal pressures that men would not produce without female influence:  

• Virtue completes a female, and character completes a man. (The presence of both laid the foundation for marital success.) 
• Personal responsibility comes first. (This kept fathers closer to wife and children.)
• Maturity was identified with rational thought that trumped adolescent feelings, which we see today in popularity and celebrity worship. (Few people carried adolescent values into adulthood, because parents taught by example how mature adults act.)
• The opposite gender was respected more than one’s own gender. (This generated mutual dependence between the sexes.)
• Gender interdependency promoted marriage as the prime institution and most people married. (Singles contributed little except for school teachers, and they mostly supported existing social mores and cultural values.)
• Great faith existed for fellow Americans. Respect was due everyone, and they had it until they lost it. To a lesser extent, trust was likewise. (This generated equality of respect and unified people, which glorified Americanism.)
• Everybody tended to mind his own business. (This contrasts sharply with today’s ‘I want to make a difference’. Unsaid, it usually means ‘I want to change others, but I don’t have to change.’ This invariably boils down to telling others how to live.)

These cultural results flowed from female virtue, which inspired better manly character, which changed society, and which slowly structured the American culture with ever stronger family-friendly priorities and values.  

660. Response to Viewer — Item 16

A young lady asked for advice to restore her relationship after the following happened:

Boyfriend proposed. She was surprised and couldn’t believe it. Only one friend thought the proposal genuine. So, she treated him unfairly, and “he wants to forget about marriage because [she] freaked out so much.” 

Sorry, but I can’t offer advice. I don’t know her situation nearly well enough; only she knows it well enough to ‘cure’ it. Instead, I offer a model of interactive pressures from which she may be able to figure out what to do.

• If she acts too eager to marry, he gets scared. If she does it suddenly and overpoweringly, she has changed from the woman he chose.
• Men intensely dislike making the wrong call about a woman; it indicates faulty reasoning and makes him look poorly to other men, his competitors with whom he has face to save.
• If he withdraws from marriage, he has a reason. If she respects him, she has to respect his decisions or preferences. The best sign of her respect is to accept marriage-lost almost as if it’s her decision and without making him look bad.
• She backs off marriage and neither complains nor explains. Silence is golden, when one doesn’t know what’s happened or happening. He’ll find it hard to attach blame to her silence.
• Figure the bloom is off the rose. Wait for him to initiate a re-blossoming, a recapturing of his woman.

Her strength lies in NOT falling to pieces when he disappoints her on vital issues. He can’t or won’t examine himself and his actions, if she turns into blithering idiot or smothering female.

653. RANDOM THOUGHTS — Group 6

• Intimacy is vitally important to her and less so to men. But which is more important: depth or breadth, quality or quantity, intensity or frequency? Lengthy courtship enables her to find out about herself and ‘train’ him to match her expectations. 
• Home should be his castle, but not unless she generates the harmony. For example, except when in use, she requires the commode LID to be down. Last user is responsible. (Can’t tell you why it works this way, but he’ll more easily accept her homey home-keeping standard for closed commode than her expectation that he always lower the seat. He’ll do for his castle, what he won’t do for her. You say shameful or selfish, I say Nature.)
• Sex bonds women, but mutual respect bonds people and genders.
• Self-esteem means how well you like yourself as a person. Self-love describes it better for females provided it also includes especially liking their selves as female.
• Women have to put up with many unwelcome hits to draw a few routine compliments from men. Improving their appearance with feminine mystery and modesty improves the ratio in favor of compliments.

576. Why Harassment? — Egregious 3

This post follows 574 and 575 and cites tactics for women to use against unwanted sexual advances. If those primary tactics don’t work, these advanced tactics may.

Dealing with egregious advances, these behavior rules work best:

♦       Don’t act angry, don’t complain, don’t explain, and don’t answer questions he may express in surprised innocence. Especially show no empathy or sympathy for him, because you think your words hurt his feelings. 

♦       Don’t stare him down if you work with or for him—he loses too much face to continue working well with you. Otherwise stare-down helps.  

♦       Make him interpret your reaction all by himself. He can’t stand confusion and mystery, because it triggers both his producing nature and problem-solving spirit. Consequently, his behavior should change but not necessarily for the better.

When “Stop that” doesn’t work, other tactics may. Guilt, shame, and ridicule work, and the greatest of these is ridicule. These ideas penetrate the male psyche in ways that help her.

♦       Men are not vulnerable to female accusations about manhood etcetera. They retaliate as with any competitor. Men favor directness and have trouble with indirectness, which is the female forte. They are particularly vulnerable to female hints that indirectly claim they lack finesse and charm. For example: “You act underage, so I need father’s permission.” (Call him underage regardless of his age, and don’t clarify whose father.) Say nothing more.

♦       Threats can work but shock helps: “I’ll ask your wife.” Or, “My last knee-to-the-crotch was a real zinger.” Or, “You once again made my daily journal that I let others read.” For max effectiveness, create doubts, fears, and questions that make him deviate from his standard game plan. Make him face some unknowns simply because you act different than what he already knows how to handle. Shock and awe works for military conquest, and he may be trying it on you. However, it also works to prevent egregious attempts to conquer. 

♦       Strike the guilt chord: “Does Jesus approve your adulterous thoughts?” Or, “Does your wife/girlfriend approve?”

♦       Strike the shame chord: Slap should work with most men. Or, if in public angrily shout “Stop that” or “No.” Stare him down but only if you don’t work with or for him—such as your professor.  

♦       Many things can reduce men to little boys, virtual parenting as it were. For example: Ask a mature and impressive male friend older than the offender to intervene for you. It sends numerous messages. You have a big brother or father figure to protect you. It tells the offender he loses the respect of respectable men, his universal competitors. The older your friend relative to offender, the stronger it indirectly signals his behavior as childish. It changes you from his target for sex to him as offender of female dignity.  

You ladies know better than I how to make these general ideas work at the individual level or even if they will. I offer them merely as insight to how the male mind would likely respond.

Many women are reluctant to so aggressively challenge offending males. I understand, but they should consider this: God made men hard-hearted. To deal with that masculine shortcoming, he made females hardheaded. Use it or lose it.