2334. Suggestions for Raising Children — Part VIII

Tactical Parenting: Encouraging Toddlers

Numbers are only for easy reference.

Toddlers: This part will become more complex than readers may like. Tough to study. However, the toddler phase is the most important to stabilize a child’s personality around the quality that parents expect. Heart and mind are the most open they will ever be to parental input. The earlier a child learns something, the more indelibly it’s imprinted. I advise mothers and yet-to-be mothers to study several times that which follows.

1. A child’s development process begins in the third year of life as a toddler’s conscious mind opens further and further, first signified by the child recognizing who they are. They take on the aura that, Hey, I’m a person too; pay attention to what I have to say. And, they expect to be respected just as they see others respected.
2. Parents produce what they hope to develop by generating the firmest of foundations in toddlers. Teach morality early because toddlers buy in more easily to good teaching before they can recognize examples to the contrary. (Better they know what’s right than to follow deviations of others.)
3. Gently convey parental convictions. Teach principles about life that parents value and each child’s maturity can handle, such as right and wrong, boys don’t hit girls, everyone sits quietly in church, and responsibility comes before entertainment. It’s vital to stay within each child’s level of maturity. Think thrice before expecting toddlers to act as adults.
4. The overriding principle about teaching is this: Match child’s new responsibilities with their maturity so the child can easily succeed. Success is far more important than both achievement and fulfilling responsibility.
5. Lessons learned through success are lasting. Failures impact kids two ways, and they often view mistake as failure. Fail themselves and they learn from experience, which they learn to deal with by improving. It’s part of their self-development ‘package’. Fail to meet parental expectations and they feel inadequate and tend toward unworthiness, which is the birthplace of tween and especially teen problems for parents.
6. Self-image begins to form in toddlerhood. That much of who and what they think they are at any given moment determines their behavior more than parental direction—except as the latter may be forced of course.
7. Additionally, after toddlers realize how boys and girls are treated differently, self-image includes how they like themselves as male or female. Unless parents belittle them, self-like develops in boys as the result of how they do and accomplish things right now, today, this moment. If parental feedback isn’t the opposite, a girl’s self-like develops as the result of how she relates to others according to her hopes, desires, and wishes for today and for doing better next time.
8. Subliminal hardwiring of the subconscious mind that began in infancy continues until the reflection of adult treatment is made less important than the toddler’s appraisal about treatment versus that deserved. Thus, the reflection of how he is treated slowly fades and is replaced by new programming as his conscious thoughts start to prevail and swell over time.
9. Instinctive self-development swells toddler thinking to pay more attention to themselves. It’s the most fertile time for parental expectations to become more guidance than dictate. The latter has the undesirable effect of belittling as unacceptable the child’s expectation of who and what he is. Guidance confirms that he’s openly accepted to compete for his own place in the family.
10. Toddlers make their own decisions about themselves, which form and develop into an ever expanding picture of self, and which instinctively includes the freedom to continue developing.
11. A toddler had no conscious involvement with earlier formation of self-esteem but his conscious mind soon learns from experience. He concludes from how he’s treated plus his accomplishments just how much and thoroughly he likes or doesn’t like himself. It’s no longer one-sided based on treatment in infancy. Self-conviction about successes and failures fulfilling responsibilities determine their self-like.
12. Gifts intended to enhance self-esteem fail to do what’s intended. Self-esteem can’t be changed. Self-image is earned and unearned gifts don’t uplift it either.
13. Toddlers think they deserve to be handled like others treat each other. But yet, parents have to exclude toddlers from certain adult events. It’s much easier to do if parental trust has been given and toddlers have learned to respect parental interests and decisions that are hard for toddlers to accept.
14. Consequently, the environment toddlers live in, together with their accomplishments and relations, helps to form high or low self-image, which is the governor of their behavior for life. IOW, we follow our own; we all choose, decide, and live according to the self-image we develop previous to the moment.
15. The toddler opts to believe what happens to him more than blindly accepting what the actions and words of others try to convey. Although not fully aware of what he does, independent thought about his status and value forms both from and into a revised picture of self.
16. Within a short time boys and girls become more conscious that they receive different treatment. Each comes to deserve their own unique version of adult and sibling interest and respect. In addition, trust begins to show up as different by sex. Self-image forms more intricately around the displays of parental and sibling trust, which improves the toddler’s interest in those around them.
17. Self-esteem, as reflection of how they are treated, slowly stops growing as the toddler’s conscious mind begins to pay attention to its own conclusions. They start to alter with conscious thought the opinions they perceive in parents and siblings.
18. Parents should start immediately—if not before—to respect the toddler as a person. Later, when they identify as boy or girl, respect as such should follow. Parents naturally show interest in their children but it doesn’t mean that respect follows. When child perceives a parent’s trust and not just interest, it bounces or reflects back as interest in parent and respect for what they say and do.
19. Toddlerhood lasts until first grade. Respect in the form of interest, nurturing, and allowing self-development work best. As each child seeks to self-develop, boys expect no assistance. Girls seeking to master the art of relating with others expect guidance but not excessive oversight.
20. Early on the toddler’s self-image is an undeveloped negative. It’s why interest and trust are vital to be shown by parents before the picture starts to solidify as negative self-like.
21. When high self-esteem and low self-like are different or reversed, children proceed conflicted. Alternating, they bounce from liking to not liking themselves. When SE and SL are both high, they confidently face the world as movers and shakers. When SE and SL are both low, confidence seldom finds them except for niches of particular appeal to them.
22. When SE and SL are both super low, kids and adults feel urgent need to resurrect their image tarnished by self-loathing or -hatred. (Out of which can far too easily come depraved killers and others of their ilk.) Super low self-like works similarly with girls but with less dynamic results.
23. (WADWMUFGAO. Teens and adults who loathe or hate themselves feel good about themselves when they make others feel the same way or they make them wish they felt the same. They seem motivated to make someone pay for their misery.)
24. Each child seeks to self-develop. They first explore what they should aim at. As soon as they recognize that they will grow into an adult, that’s what they want to become. Personal and self-image development follow that course. As they figure out what kind of adult, they look for samples, ideas, and models and tend to duplicate those they admire of their own sex.
25. As self-image develops fully as a super-teen, self-like displaces self-esteem. How they like themselves as a person becomes far less important than how they like themselves as man or woman and filling their various roles in life.

The toddler instinctively develops the picture of who and what he is in his world of people. As a subset, it includes his determination about liking and disliking himself as man, woman, and their roles in life. Throughout life, each person’s continually changing self-image, unchangeable self-esteem, and consciously derived self-interest guide their speech and actions and in effect govern their behavior.

2193. Anorexics, Suicides, et al. — Part 8: Self-likeability

I choose the term self-likeability to summarize all that went before in this series. Self-esteem is the inaccessible liking of self hardwired as the result of infant care. Self-development is the process of living through childhood as the child chooses. Self-image is the picture of self that governs one’s behavior throughout life. Self-interest is the motivational force for everyone. Self-worth is the presentation we inadvertently or deliberately try to make to others about our opinion of self.

Think of self-likeability as all of the above, each individual’s internal opinion of himself. Likes himself and there’s nothing to do. Or, he doesn’t feel even good about himself. It energizes him to take corrective action. The worse his self-likeability then the more drastic his action.

All of this series can be summarized as producing children with some level of self-likeability. It’s a major part of the personality they project into the public arena. The more they appreciate themselves as likeable and respectable as a person, boy or girl, and their individual roles in life, the more respectable for males and likeable for females they appear to others.

Anorexics, suicides, other self-destructive behaviors come out of this unstructured grouping. Their sense of self-likeability is low, poor, or non-existent. As the victims interpret it, feedback from peers and parents confirms their sense of worthlessness. Depression quashes hope and dissipates into despair.

Girls prefer to martyr themselves trying to change their physical image before others and thus regain some measure of acceptance and thus importance. They are self-motivated to abandon their female nature of cooperation and strike out on their own. Depth of frustration at their obvious-to-them inability and the build-up of hopeless despair determine whether they choose to change their physical appearance or end their presence.

Boys prefer to martyr themselves trying to gain the admiration of others for courage, determination, and conviction; prove they are not the weaklings they perceive that others think. Boys abandon their nature to compete, withdraw into themselves, and disassociate from those around them. The boys with the strongest desire to be significant choose more outrageous outlets for their frustrations, such as mass shootings. Boys less ambitious and less inclined to lead others choose less violent outlets, such as suicide.

When adults encourage, counsel, and otherwise try to turn a child away from self-destructive behavior, they take some ineffective actions. For example:

• More parental love doesn’t work. It didn’t work before, the child has already determined he’s not worth any love much less more. Unfortunately, motherly guilt and regret stimulate loving actions much too easily; it gives her something to do which assuages her guilt but does little for the child. Father’s proclivity for logic and reason may provide better relief for parents and kid.

• Counseling doesn’t work unless started very early in the deterioration of self-likeability. Especially with boys, explaining oneself to a counselor or parent puts him in the awkward position of describing what he knows sounds wrong-headed to them, aka confession of weakness and insignificance. IOW, he’s ashamed or humiliated to describe himself as others can’t understand, and so he resists to preserve his self-image. He’d rather have the dignity of being different than admit the shame of possibly being wrong and thereby less or not admired.

Guilt helps determine outcomes. Girls fall prey to excessive guilt, which leads them to and down the self-destructive path. As they become less and less able to live with it, they take more drastic actions to drown their anguish.

Boys handle guilt differently. They can’t live well with it. They either fix what caused it or forget it. The process of forgetting it, however, in the mind of an unlikeable self leads to more and greater guilt. Forgetting becomes impossible and so drastic actions will fix it, or so he reasons.

A much better solution, aka deterrence for self-destructive behavior, resides but is dormant in the hearts of inflicted kids. The strategy is simple but requires strong adult intent and inspired imagination and applied to the child’s life with the least supervision practicable. Both sexes respond favorably to more self-activated accomplishments.

• Girls need to become more important in their eyes. Get them involved—perhaps pushed just a little—in dealing with others in a manner that makes them regularly accomplish things involving others. Get their minds off themselves and onto others. Volunteer, get a job, or whatever but very different and more important than their present activities.
• Boys need to be put to work, some responsibility and regular duty. Perhaps even at mundane tasks even if they feel their dignity is being assaulted. They need to be able to earn the admiration of others until they learn to admire themselves for what they accomplish.

It’s been a long road to make one point. Love does not make kids like themselves; it’s but a method to deliver guidance that helps a child develop himself, which enables him to like himself.

Accomplishments do it. Girls like themselves by making themselves important to others. It bounces back as their own importance, which transmutes into ‘I like me.’ Boys like themselves by earning self-admiration, which comes from accomplishing things that add value to life or someone, which also as byproduct earns the admiration of others.

So the next time you see a child heading down the self-destructive path, quickly get a girl involved in helping others and a boy involved with some new responsibility that requires his action repeatedly and preferable often.

2161. Dating in Mid-life — Part B5: Conquest and Marriage Matrix

At 2159 Her Highness Emma wondered if “higher urges of sex drive or need for admiration” dismisses the urge for a long term union. I’m not sure alpha-ness, testosterone, or any other single feature is the ‘determinator’ of either a man’s drive to specialize at conquering women or his preference for a short or long term marriage.

A dating man can never completely know you. Conquest convinces that he knows you quite well enough to deal with you as he desires. On the other hand, the better you know men and learn to know one without having to yield, the greater your advantage. I know women are better readers of men than the other way around. While the table below may seem too abstract, it may well help you along.

The table presents the dating arena as three dimensional: conquest, marriage, and time, presuming that both sexes will appear slightly different at different times. It reflects the combination of mental ingredients and psychic determinations that I think contribute the most motivational force in each direction of the dating arena.

HOW MEN PURSUE CONQUEST AND MARRIAGE	Self-esteem: How well he likes (high), regrettably dislikes (low), or even loathes himself (lowest) as a person.	Self-image: Picture he has of himself as an effective and easily satisfied man or, perhaps, the opposite, or somewhere in between.	Self-interest: His personal intentions and goals that urge him to action and inaction; the same way self- interest motivates everyone.
High interest in conquering many women.	Low or lowest self-esteem; he can’t highly esteem others until they prove themselves highly worthy of respect and maybe not even then.	Dominant self-image; uses it to prove himself superior to women and men he can dominate or outcompete.	Uses sexual excitement and achievement to earn self-admiration, personal satisfaction, and significance.
Low interest in conquering many women.	High self-esteem; shares it by readily respecting others; has special esteem and even respect for the weaker sex.	Self-assured self-image; satisfied with who he is and what he does; needs little from women because he can be easily satisfied by one.	Has other challenges than frequent conquests; other goals have better return on investment for his time and effort.
Not interested in long-term marriage; thinks more of not closing off options.	Low or lowest self-esteem; has very limited ability to like others for very long time; tires easily of familiar personalities; seeks excitement.	Poorly defined self-image; easily frustrated and keeps options open to escape easily at his discretion.	Has broad rather than deep interest in marriage; keeps options open to easily shift from tiring to fresh challenges.
Interested in long-term marriage; willing to commit with expectations for life.	High self-esteem; likes himself so well he readily and enjoyably shares his likeability.	Self-energizing picture of himself; eager to step up to greater responsibility.	Envisions pleasurable life in companionship and challenge of greater responsibility especially for others.

2127. Mirror Time — Part V: Early Reveille

Women long for happiness. It has to be earned, which means it comes at a cost. I propose a simple but not easy change in daily routine.

The way you appear at an event sends a message of how respected and important others present are to you. Have you thought about breakfast? Getting others to school or work in the morning? Sending those messages in an indirect manner that pleases you even more than them?

It’s not likely. Instead of paying the fare to jump aboard, you start the day by throwing yourself under the happy bus. You rush tiredly out of bed and rush yourself into an over-used or unsightly robe. Hair a mess, you disregard your appearance and mumble about your problems. You rush to help others before you help yourself. Rush to help everybody else and their daily start up, disrupt breakfast routine with irritation or anger, and add pressure to everyone’s departure so they rush to escape you. Consequently, by just not finding satisfaction with yourself first, you do all the wrong things for self and others. If you escape with sanity intact, you feel guilty, droopy, and worse but definitely dissatisfied for the rest of the day.

All your energy wiped out by one simple miscalculation. You didn’t start your day by proving to yourself that you’re still pretty and in charge in spite of what’s happening in your life. You didn’t renew vows to yourself that you like who and what you are even if others don’t. If you don’t know how to renew those vows, stick around. Details follow.

A simple but not easy way exists to jump on rather than under the bus. Take the rush out of your life and replace it with calm, smiles, and obvious dedication to those you love. You need only take charge and put it into habitual practice. Turn simple pretty time into extended mirror time and do it before others arise. You’ll see the people around you appreciate you much more just by you appreciating yourself much more.

First thing and before anyone else arises, spend 30 minutes before your mirror exchanging thoughts with your reflected image aka best friend. You have to make four sacrifices. 1) Go to sleep earlier. 2) Dedicate yourself to convert boring dead time into productive time for your mind, heart, and dreams. 3) Find the multitude of ways that make you like who and what you are by producing various results that enhance your prettiness, appearance, confidence, belief in self, and determination. 4) Quit quitting when trying to drop an old and develop a new habit. (Such as quitting New Year’s resolution.)

You’ll be surprised how it enables you to improve upon the world in which you live from reveille to taps. If you can’t figure out how to produce those results, sit there for 30 minutes every day and you will soon figure it out. Boredom will eventually open your eyes, mind, and heart, if you don’t quit. You’ll see that blaming others does nothing more than relieve you of doing the right thing, of taking and keeping control over your life.

Reasons and excuses always exist for not helping yourself when you don’t deserve it in the first place. Blaming others or endless wishes compensate when you don’t help yourself first. However, if not already very happy, you probably have at least one side of your life still buried in the multiplex of misery—unwanted singleness, disappointment, unhappiness, abandonment, loneliness, isolation, hopelessness, despair, divorce, depression, husbandless, childless, dreariness, gloom, self-discipline, loss of child, discipline with kids, cheating mate, or prospects of doom in legal or economic arenas.

You chose where you are in life and got there by not making better choices to help yourself; you deserve what you have. Oh, you don’t deserve it? Well, take 30 minutes at the mirror and ask your reflected friend about that point. Are you accurately stating your case? (Also, read Path to Victory at blog top.)

I understand you’re discouraged at the thought of committing 30 minutes. You’ve gone quiet, but I can hear you, ladies. Mumbling and grumbling at the thought of taking so much time out of your busy day. You say, it’s unreal and you can’t do it. You can’t do without that last 30 minutes of sleep. You must tend your infant during that time of day. You don’t need 30 minutes to plan your day, your future, or even your whole life. And, on and on. You tell yourself you’re doing well enough, at least for now. But are you? Are you happy enough now with your importance to self, family, and date or mate? Your prettiness? Your daily appearance? How you look in church? At work? On dates? Start your day at the mirror and you’ll take the rush out of your life and that of family members.

The 30 minutes is about planning your life while painting the barn and looking for ways to improve your prettiness. It’s about using your imagination to analyze your situations, exploit your self-gratitude, and upgrade your day and future to first exit the multiplex of misery and then refine your life into your girlhood hopes and dreams. Millions of dollars won’t do that for you. Neither will face lifts, liposuction, analysis, breast implants, or wrinkle removers. It’s in your heart to do it, if your mind will only enable it.

If self-gratitude, self-importance, and respect for others isn’t resurrected in your heart by using your mind, then your happiness will not develop as you wish. Happiness has to be earned out of gratitude, and it starts best at the mirror. As you take greater charge of your life each day, self-importance and respect for others also grows and puts you on the entry ramp to a great day for yourself.

Why 30 minutes? To provide enough time for your inborn female nature to energize itself into multi-tasking. You can’t just sit there and do nothing. Your mind will take advantage of the boredom that inevitably sets in when you run out of ideas for improving your prettiness and appearance—aka pleasing yourself first. Thirty minutes allows for emotional motivators to come awake in your heart. Emotions that move you to action such as shame, guilt, sorrow, competition, grief, anxiety, gratefulness, cooperation, prettiness, duty, debt, love, and hunger for importance and appreciation. Plus, internal values that need frequent reinforcement or recovery because they shape your mental health such as self-love, self-esteem, self-interest, self-image, self-gratitude, and expanded belief in yourself. Those and other blessings are available and usable through self-talk with your reflected image. Use the committed 30 minutes plus your mind to energize your curiosity and imagination in search of making your life more important to yourself and those around you and at the same time look more appealing. Thirty minutes without interruption about improving your prettiness, appearance, and life will work wonders to improve the various attitudes that flow from your heart.

Serendipity. You finish mirror time feeling GREAT about yourself. It’s the strongest possible foundation for facing life with confidence, patience, and understanding. Why? Because you grace yourself with qualities fed by your prettiness with inner peace left over. The ultimate expression of power is forgiveness. When you ignore the little and forgive the big things—and especially forgive yourself—harmony floods your home. When you as single woman or mom isolate yourself at the mirror each morning, you earn the ability to switch the world ON to make things go your way. With kindness ignited by belief in yourself, can your forgiving spirit be far behind? With kindness and forgiveness renewed in your heart, it makes both personal and family harmony easier and more permanent.

We all do what makes us feel good about ourselves. I propose that women isolate themselves for 30 minutes upon arising in the morning. They have the talent and skills but need to use them more productively to calm the waters of their high pressure, super-rushed lives.

——

P.S. So, you can’t do 30 minutes? Impossible, you say. Okay. The number is not as important as your dedication to yourself and commitment to neither change whatever minutes you choose nor quit the daily routine. But anything less than 20 minutes will likely sink your ship before you start. Without the boredom that will set in, your mind, heart, and spirit will stay focused on escaping the problems of life rather than producing improvements for a better life. In that case, you will find little or nothing to reward you for sticking to your time commitment, and you will soon quit.

G.

 

2126. Mirror Time — Part IV: Trophies Also Fail

People presume that society rewards good looks. They decide and judge for example by paying attention only to slim, blonde, blue eyed trophies who luck out where others fail. The presumption is wrong, however, and it leads many women to lose faith in their natural strengths, deviate from their best interest, and often become female phonies or masculine in behavior.

Society rewards success and likeability for making others feel good about themselves. Consequently, your prettiness made prettier adds mayo to society’s sandwiches.

Even a woman with unattractive features can be successful and likeable, if she first builds success at the morning mirror. Purposely, she turns herself into a dynamic person by teaching herself to like herself very much just to start her day to her advantage. Painting the barn starts it best. Even trophies fail when they don’t like themselves very much (probably because they take their prettiness for granted and don’t otherwise and repeatedly convince themselves of their self-worth).*

What makes you pretty? Your looks or how others perceive you? The answer is neither. It’s what’s in your heart about you being top dog in your world but with rightful respect for others and their roles in your life. Let the following help squeeze out wrongful impressions.

• You’re born pretty, so daily prettiness arrives when the mirror satisfies you for having done enough to optimize it. If you haven’t seen a mirror for a whole day, can you convince yourself that you remain pretty? How about two days? You know you’re pretty, but you just can’t be all that you expect to be. And so you act as though you’re not pretty enough. Self-confidence flutters, self-worth declines, and your dynamic influence fades from lack of belief in yourself.
• Men complete goals and are satisfied. You are quite different. You are satisfied ONLY when you look as good as you expect to look at any given moment.
• When you start the day unsatisfied with your appearance, you start an unhappy day. To reverse that, satisfy yourself by prettifying yourself to your satisfaction. That day will brighten.
• To prettify yourself to please others pushes you into unknown territory where you lose control of your ambitions. You imagine or assume how you will impact them. It pushes you to prettify yourself for unseen and unpredictable targets. Each day you look for confirmation of your expectations, and the absence causes dissatisfaction in your day. People just don’t want to conclude what you expect.
• Trying to shine yourself up for others also weakens your sincerity. Phoniness flows from it. Who knows how far you must go and where it will end if other people continually fail to meet your expectations? They leave you dissatisfied, so what can you do? Mostly you’re lost.

Women are born convinced of their prettiness, but they need daily and routine tune ups. A pleasant day starts for you when you satisfy yourself that you look your best. After much practice and continual adjustments to stay up with whatever improves your appearance and reinforces belief in yourself, you learn to satisfy yourself easily.

Daily uplifting of your prettiness opens the door to finding self-gratitude, which opens the door to finding gratefulness elsewhere, which earns happiness and enables a more pleasant and potentially successful life.

Life is built on habits, good life on good habits, and I propose a tough habit next.

——

*Maxwell Maltz, for many years a plastic surgeon to the upper class, claimed that he operated on many women to improve their appearance; they didn’t like themselves. Not one was uplifted or satisfied afterward. Most liked their new appearance but got no improvement about liking themselves. [Guy adds: Self-esteem, -image, and -worth come from your heart and not appearance. Your complaints about your appearance register and weaken those personal values residing in your heart. Positive reinforcement programs your heart to be more appreciative of self. Mirror time focused on your prettiness teaches you to focus on improvements, which ends complaints, which makes you a more self-believable person in your heart. Belief in self comes naturally to men and they confirm it with daily accomplishments. But not women. They get belief in self from what they tell themselves; they have to confirm it regularly, and the mirror is the best starter and most reinforcing place. The next post, 2127, will test your patience, belief, and more.]

 

2119. Her Hair: Crowning Glory or …???

It’s time. I’ve put this off for years for fear of losing readers. Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead.

It’s recurrent. Women keep asking what men prefer for the female hairdo. Women concerned with that issue are out of step with Nature and flummox themselves dealing with men. I offer a contrarian view more in accord with both the male and female natures.

Hair is important to women, not men. Men are not that interested in one of a woman’s features. Oh, some men will claim they like to waller their face in a woman’s long hair. But that’s more adolescent than adult behavior. And some praise long stringy hair these days because it’s popular. It generates comfort for men that all women look alike. Popularity keeps single women bowing to masculine tastes.

It may change after a relationship is established and working smoothly. A husband should have some say, about which wife understands what is required to keep the marriage promoted in her favor. She can figure out what’s best for them.

We’ve heard all our lives that hair is a woman’s crowning glory. Glory for whom? Not men. They don’t see glory there. Glory flows from her heart at what she sees, cleans, likes, loves, strokes, pats, combs, dyes, tinges, cuts, and waves until it becomes a useable feature to make herself feel better about herself. Hair care compensates for guilt. It relieves depression when she modifies her vision of herself. It keeps her tied to her mirror, where her independent spirit emerges and she finds solace living with herself. A hundred strokes a night isn’t wasted time or energy; it inflates the female ego.

Her hair is her crowning glory for self-centered reasons: It enables her to glorify herself, promote the image of who she is, elevate her confidence, compensate for low self-esteem, make herself feel good caring for it, express her natural vanity to herself, match up better or differently with her other features, and otherwise reinforce her appearance and roles in life to suit her and no one else. Hair is just a part of her package of prettiness that she aspires to make prettier. Adjusting her hair care practices to please others defeats some objectives in life.

To wear her hair to please men—especially after about age 25 when getting a man becomes problematic—is to push her into other actions to please men, diminish her choices, retreat from single independence, reduce her ability to stand out from other women, and in general curtail her ability to appear unique. When women seek to follow what’s popular, they lose ability to be extraordinary. Which is, of course, what men seek to marry.

 

2116. Compatibility Axioms #571-580

571. A woman that appears very ordinary stales fast in the face of erotic scenery outside the home. [203]

572. Men are born hard-headed and hard-hearted. Women are born hard-headed but soft-hearted. It takes years to soften his heart, and her going soft in the head doesn’t help her but stops softening of his heart. Experts aren’t very effective when their thinking goes mushy. [203]

573. Modern women market themselves poorly. They put all their eggs in the advertising basket, use cheap packaging, and ignore product quality. They advertise sex, dress cheaply, groom carelessly, and think and hope that sex will both capture and hold a man. One-night stand, yes! Hold, no! [205]

574. Sexy apparel and exposed skin precisely focuses a man’s interest on conquest. After conquest, he may or may not focus on her other interests. [205]

575. By fishing with sex as bait, she yields dominance and sex to him. This minimizes her negotiating power and puts their future in his hands. [205]

576. Sex needs no advertising. It sells itself, and advertising it cheapens a woman for everything but sex. [205]

577. Women need high quality packaging to project the appearance and confirm the fact of an extraordinary female—the kind to whom men marry and stay married. [205]

578. Regarding her appearance, if she doesn’t protect her self-respect, display self-confidence, and reflect self-esteem, she lacks quality for much more than temporary gigs with men. [205]

579. Modest attire, attractive grooming, and high-standard feminine behavior create a mysterious quality that intrigues men. It elevates a woman toward keeperhood. [205]

580. As women go, so goes society, and feminine mystique, modesty, and morality drive the best bus for females. Exclusively advertising sex makes a woman miss the bus. She’s left behind to get run over by men. [205]

 

2108. Soft-headed Sally

Women aren’t born soft-headed. Modern females’ soft-headedness leads them away from their best interests, into easy manipulation by men, and into self-delusion about the man each woman hopes to capture.

Soft-headed Sally thinks wrongly that sex bonds a man. She accepts a man’s words instead of taking time to judge his actions. She fails to recognize that he fills a different role, once they have sex together the first time.

SHS makes herself worthy of him instead of the other way around. She fails to call his bluff, when he threatens to drop her for being “hung up” about yielding sexually. She cannot separate a good man for carrying responsibility for others from a good man for fun and games. She cannot turn away from the self-centered man full of himself and venomous words that reduce her self-esteem and self-image and mine her self-interest for ways to make his life better.

SHS may try but is unable to teach young daughters how erotic attire arouses men many years older and may attract and easily incline some to stalk or become less inhibited about kidnapping, rape, and murder.

She fails to recognize that respect for women generally and deeper respect for his woman are the foundation of a man’s love of her. She cheapens herself by offering sex without his firmly committed obligations.

SHS believes in little except what others tell her, and so she falls for anything a man offers. She shapes her moral well-being around temporary feelings and hopes. She abandons the character shaping and guidance provided by God, religious morality, and her heart and will power. She is short of affirming self-esteem, -image, and -respect, so she cannot identify the lack of those conscience-shaping factors in a man.

She wants her own man so badly that she teams up with any male offer. She partners with a bad man and when dumped picks up with another loser, and then another…. She shapes her feelings around and with whomever she associates. She believes men are who they say they are.

She believes she can change a man, once she captures him with sex. She lives with endless hope that sex bonds him to her. She thinks that men are like women in their thinking, habits, and urge to constantly be together. She flaunts her co-dependency and faults her man when he has more important things to do. She too easily becomes jealous of the hold that his job has on him. That co-dependency is the enemy of their togetherness.

SHS calls herself victimized by drudgery when hubby fails to participate in household work, child care, and other domestic responsibilities and begrudges his independence from those things. And equal sharing of ‘drudgery’ is not enough. He should always do more. It’s not the work that puts her down but jealousy of his family role as lazy lounger when his workday ends. She can’t live with their different natures. The male nature makes a man satisfied with himself. After a completed day’s work, he turns to relaxation, rest, and restoration of energy for the next day. That, versus her female nature that urges her to brighten her tomorrows in spite of the endless string of things to do. He figures he does all he can today and will handle tomorrow whatever comes. She figures she has to plan/prepare for every contingency ahead; better to over than under prepare. Thus, SHS begrudges the side of her nature that directly supports her self-interest.

She is so caught up in romantic love that she lacks both knowledge and skill to generate a man’s enduring love for when romantic love fades. She assumes it fair and bonding to tell each other about their sexual histories, when she can do few things worse. It shrinks her uniqueness and fascination.

SHS fails to recognize that men evaluate her character and non-sex assets before they first have sex. Afterwards he pays less attention to what else she has to offer. (Hollywood and TV work diligently to hide this part of the male nature; they prefer to show the wishful but fruitless thinking of females. As a result, male dominance expands in the social and domestic arenas.)

She fails to comprehend that men as hunter-conquerors appreciate greatly that which fights back, must be wrestled under control, and ultimately yields to his courage, intensity, persistence, and imaginative design of ways to conquer. Sexual targets that do otherwise earn little or no respect from him.

She doesn’t know the steep price she pays for easily yielding sex the first time with him. Without making him work to be worthy of her, without testing him with everyday commitments, without making him spend time and effort in her company sans sex, she makes herself easy and his ego is not stroked with the joy of an earned victory. Easy-to-get sex earns her very little respect and even less holding power. Sex only satisfies his raw appetite. When his ego is deeply massaged by hunting and overcoming of all obstacles to conquering her, his self-respect, respect for her, and her holding power over him skyrocket. This still does not mean that he will stay with her, but she has no better form of insurance.

SHS cheapens sex by using it to capture men. This cheapens her. Men will hang around her until another sex target comes in view, and some may even go through the process of linking up, shacking up, and maybe marrying up. But, split up is not far behind the fade of romantic love.

Both Hard-hearted Hannah and Soft-headed Sally figuratively spit in the eye of their man. They feel pumped up with feminist theory and new ‘rights’ they now have, such as sexual freedom. Men buy into greater sexual freedom but not much else. Compensated with frequent, convenient, and unobligated sex, men go along for the ride. But, the ride does not include the respect, honor, devotion, and dedication that females expect to see from their spouse.