581. Choices Program the Heart — Part III: Pop Scene

Our subconscious mind is our ‘heart’. Not the physical one, of course, but our inner Self—our beliefs, values, feelings, and memories that guide our life. Whatever we take in has an effect on our subconscious, and the more emotionally we absorb it, the greater the impact.

These surroundings program the female heart against feminine interests:

♦       MUSIC. Pop music programs the female subconscious with negative, unfriendly, and disparaging thoughts, ideas, and feelings. The more emotion-stirring with loudness, hollering, and screaming, then the more effective the rewriting or reinforcing of values, standards, and beliefs in the subconscious mind of listeners.

Modern pop music seems most emotional when females, intimacy, and platonic relations are demeaned. Consequently, by taking it in subconsciously, girls think less of themselves than their grannies thought of themselves. Men and boys think less of females except for whatever the music uplifts—such as sex objects, sex sans intimacy, and violent acts.

I don’t think it’s too harsh to claim that musicians and business associates purposely demean female-friendly values, standards, and expectations with their music. Obviously it works with groupies, so why not all females?

If not purposeful, then they subconsciously seek to elevate males over females, and it has the same effect.

♦       FILMS. Horror and thriller flicks deaden the female heart about real life. Seeking to be with guys, they learn to enjoy and absorb more of the unreal. One result: Captivated females retain their adolescence instead of adopting restrictive adult judgments about men and relations.    

♦       SHOWS. Media displays of casual sex—chick flicks and desperate wives—demean personal virtue. They program women to absorb masculine values that discredit and displace their feminine nature.

An anomaly: Men appreciate feminine virtue in the woman of their dreams, but they kill the concept of virtue in entertainment media. Killing virtue makes a profit, but individual men have too few virtuous women to choose from, and so marriage becomes unfashionable. Women may now work in entertainment, but they join the club to succeed, and so other females reap no benefits.

Of course women claim they can take or leave such bad influences. But can they? When they want and get more, they’ve been programmed to accept it. The programming reinforces itself in the subconscious, because the conscious mind chose to do it again or she chose not to object and escape. In these ways, choices program the heart against the best interests of females and by inference children.

563. Mirror time

We act according to how we are dressed and groomed. We respond to others by how they are dressed and groomed. Subtle distinctions generate more or less respect, and respect heads the non-emotional list of how we respond to someone else. 

When females spend time, effort, and money on clothes and grooming and much time before mirrors, they tend to act more feminine. When they take shortcuts, they appear and act less feminine.

When females think, act, and dress as men do, they adopt masculine ways. This means less time and effort spent at the mirror, grooming, and clothes selection. More convenience certainly, but this tendency has led women to use the color black to their disadvantage.   

Customarily, black clothing is serious, formal, and authoritative. It means much more than appearance and sends loud signals. Let’s add some light to two extremes: formal events here versus casual, on-the-job, and leisure at the next article. 

Black attire suppresses the uniqueness of females. Symbolically, it removes sex from the scene. Witness funerals, graduations, and other formal occasions when culture, custom, and social programming suppress and discourage sexually-connected thoughts. All-black helps focus everyone on theme.

Black or dark ladies suits provide an aura of authority that favors a female’s acceptance with men on the job. Lightly colored suits appear more feminine and lose some impressiveness.  (Of course feminists complain that attire shouldn’t matter, but females do better when they accept rather than try to change male nature structured so strongly around authority—having, building, and using it.)

Next: Black for casual, on-the-job, and leisure time.

556. Response to Viewer — Item 10

Becca emailed this: I do have a question that I feel is overlooked by many people advocating holding off on sex with a man until he has proven his devotion… what if you just happen to love sex? Obviously one of the “prizes” for men upon marrying a woman is securing a stable sex partner, but what are women to do if they enjoy sex just as much? I’m not so sure I could keep things at such a “platonic” level during courtship, especially if I’m really attracted to a man… or at least I never have been able to. Any advice for a girl with seriously raging hormones?

AGM responds:

First, I don’t offer advice. I try to describe life, and you make choices with new information.

Second, if you value sex above a permanent male partner, continue as you are. However, if you wish to change, think about other things and act differently. We become what we think about AND DO.

Third, I believe the odds for capturing and holding a good man favor shuffling sex onto the back burners of a female’s life.

Fourth, if you sacrifice something, it becomes more important. If you do so with sex in order to uplift a man into husband, he becomes more valuable too. He will like that.

Fifth, some viewers may add something, and I encourage it.

Guy

527. LOVE vs. RESPECT — Section V

As husbands need lessons on HOW to love wives, females need to be taught HOW to respect men. Not talking about respect due because of male dominance, but respect due from women in spite of male dominance. The former is routine, the latter endorses and reinforces a man’s self-respect.

♫     The military leadership model in article 523 shows the importance of masculine self-respect in governing manly behavior.

♫     Scream all you want, but this is true. Innocent touching of male by female friend or associate—pat on back, etc.—passes strong messages of trust, which reinforces his self-respect. She has the skill, if she develops it, to also confirm the touch as innocent and not a call for his imagination to get excited.

♫     His hard-headedness reflects back from life’s mirror as self-respect. He governs his life to wipe out distortions or polish up smears that appear from time to time. 

♫     Her soft-heartedness shines into life’s prism and emerges in various colors of love. She governs her life to keep the colors clear and bright.

♫     Seeds are planted in childhood. Females learn by watching mom relate to dad. Unfortunately, because of so many fractured homes, daughters learn more about showing disrespect than respect.

♫     More seeds: Mom insists that children show respect for father, more than he earns or deserves. As with the military model, it’s rank and not holder that deserves the respect.

♫     Outside their love interests, women see far less need for mutual respect. Inside their love interests, self-respect is not nearly as meaningful. They can even love people they disrespect.

Being personal instead of task oriented, love lacks the organizational specificity that men appreciate and can enjoy. So, men default to the male dominance model: Husband as head of house.

If wife focuses on reinforcing his self-respect with the same fervor she seeks his greater attentions, affections, and appreciations, she can prevent or ease conflicts.  

526. She has ‘Issues’ — Responses

Casual sex being the man’s game, he’s prepared to convince her of the rightness of his cause. She may even help as described in part one in post 525, but she needs her own ammo.

Caveat: I offer no right answers for being accused of frigidity, fear, or sexual mistreatment. Instead, I assume that she wants to choose whether he’s worth more attention and time instead of his making that choice about her.

Her response should not drive him off, but should cause confusion so that he slacks off pressuring her for sex. Conflicting signals cause confusion, and smiles can confuse any negative message she chooses to convey.

Responses: Anger and disappointment have some potential, but she gives up control of the situation. Certainty of her messages, as opposed to confusing him, puts him in fight or flight mode. A grab bag of options includes confusing messages that are less likely to prompt his dropping her:

·        SMILE and ask: “Why do you accuse me of having issues? Can I not stand on my principles and beliefs?” (Then, don’t explain further and don’t complain about his response, if he offers one. Let her question haunt him, because he has no answer that respects her as she wants to be respected.)

·        SMILE, maybe chuckle, and change the subject as if his accusations are preposterous. (Say nothing to defend her position, but don’t let him know if she’s uncertain about it. Take charge. Self-confidence steals ammo from his bag of tricks.)

·        SMILE as if she intends to keep secrets in the sex department. They disagree on ‘casual’, and it’s no time to explore those differences. (She’s waiting on certain conditions to be met, which she expects to come later.)

·        SMILE if she’s hurt and inquire if he really has other specific interests in common with her. (Put the guilt on him, and he’ll change the subject.) 

·        SMILE and query him about himself to change the subject. (What ‘issues’ does he have that he would expect her to so eagerly embrace casual instead of devotion? Why embrace his self-interest by yielding her own interests?)

·        SMILE mysteriously while asserting she’s ‘normal’. Greater mystery will stop his efforts to soften her resolve. (He’ll depart or take another strategy, if she puts the guilt back on him for even suggesting that she may be other than ‘normal’.)

·        SMILE and assert devoted love is normal and casual sex abnormal to relationship solidarity. (She might ask: Is he more interested in sex than a solid relationship? Why? How? Penetrating questions expose his character.)

·        SMILE and in some subtle way assert innocence as more valuable than experience. (Let him conclude what all that means.)

Accusing a female of issues against casual sex is a standard male technique. She cheapens herself if she falls for it.

A more profitable response: Don’t accept casual, commitment, or her devotion for him in lieu of his devotion for her. It’s called female dominance.  

525. She has‘Issues’ — Reasons

I dedicate this series of two articles to Princess Easybreezy who rang the door bell and Princess Shirshir who opened the door at post 518.

Women refuse casual sex, and men accuse them of frigidity, fearfulness, or sexual mistreatment. She must have some ‘issue’. Or else she’d never refuse the sexiness of whatever guy charms her at the moment. Let’s look at some reasons here and responses in next post.

Reasons: Casual sex being the man’s game, he’s prepared to convince her of the rightness of his cause. However, she often helps rather than discourages him.

·        To penetrate whatever mystery she holds, he provokes her for explanations that he may argue against further.

·        The female nature wants to dispose of accusations, pursue resolution, and settle all matters, especially with an attractive man. Men intuit and exploit this as weakness.

·        She says more than just No. She explains her stance against casual sex, or about waiting for marriage, instead of keeping it mysterious until later. Any explanation gives him ammo for his next verbal thrust, accusation, and description of her ‘unreasonableness’ in this mind game.

·        He may act mad, and maybe he is. It’s still his game plan, and he’s using the guilt delivery system to provoke, madden, and convince her that he’s more right than she.

·        The one that can’t stand to lose the other will lose. If he’s great, and she can’t stand the thought of losing him, he’ll read her silent messages of weakening resolution, and keep pressuring until she caves. It may take days or weeks, but her resolve will dissipate simply because she convinces herself that he’s the keeper for her.

·        If she treats him as expendable, he reads it as if he’s about to lose her. His ego regurgitates the unpleasantness. If she’s worth it to him, he’ll stay around for more of the game. If she’s not worth playing the game with, he’ll depart. Either way she wins.

Some response options follow in next post, 526.

503. Hunks, Jocks, et al

Hunks, jocks, and dreamy guys tend to be like this:

v Her personal qualities mean little other than her likeability for companionship. He tires of her easily, however, because the next hottie appears more exciting and companionable.

v Unconditional respect for the female gender is low or non-existent. He was never pushed to treat females respectfully, and so it’s not embedded in his psyche.

v What little admiration he has for a particular female tends only to appear when he wants sex—booty call and one-night stand come to mind.

v Manipulation, intimidation, and abuse come easy to him, because he lacks respect for her gender. (It’s not what she does, it’s what all her predecessors handed him without investment of his Self.)

v He’s learned that females easily fall victim to his ‘vague and unavailable’ technique, so he prowls with apparent indifference. (It’s not so much his testosterone or his present mate. It’s more the way females in his past life have conditioned his thinking with easy wins and few losses.)

He handles hardtoget out of habit. However, what he can’t have triggers his weakness. Denied sex, ego permits only two options: (1) Ignore and forget her knowing that the next female will assuage his ego. (2) Schmooze her until she yields.

495. DATING 7: Formalities

Men aren’t as good as females at interpreting vocal and body language messages. However, regarding sex, men always read more hope than she intends.

©     When a woman insists on formal dates, rituals, and protocols that elevate her in HER mind, he automatically assumes she’s far from pushover. But his hope lingers on.

©     The more casual her approach to accepting dates, the more likely he assumes she accepts casual sex.

©     How she programs her mind about herself conditions his thinking about her. If she thinks she’s not more than worthy of his time, effort, and money, he’ll treat her as less than she wants, and respect her less than she expects.

©     Another self-fulfilling prophecy: She acts hardtoget long before they get to that subject, and so he treats her respectfully while awaiting her willingness to proceed beyond the formalities.

©     Hardtoget charmingly and modestly expressed can dominate male dominance.

©     Girls and women don’t require dates as prelude to sex, and so, in effect, men get by with passing gals around from man to man. Precisely the kind of woman most men try to screen out of contention for marriage.