930. THE MALE MATRIX: alpha, beta, gamma—Part VIII


This extracurricular post provides a more fundamental and broader look at male behavior than provided by alpha, beta, and gamma.

Men compete against men, and results determine which men get which women. As Her Highness Miss Dawn phrased it, the game works best for women by “…being realistic about your Sexual Market Value and finding a balance between who YOU WANT and WHO WANTS YOU.” (Emphasis by her.)

Men take it a step further: They continually seek to improve rather than balance their ‘sexual market value’. Somewhere on the male spectrum of extreme high alpha to extreme low gamma lies a dividing line that separates men into two sectors with different results: Men of the upper sector get the women they choose; men of the lower sector get the women that choose them.

Upper sector men energize themselves as necessary to capture their woman of choice. They do whatever it takes. If she’s too easy, he loses respect and chooses someone else. When she has high values, standards, and expectations, he’s forced to live up to something bigger and more important than himself. His improvement adds value to him, her, and society.

Lower sector men don’t have to work hard; they pursue sex and loaf around waiting for some woman to make a relationship attractive enough for them to go along with her wishes. The result: Lower sector men often avoid or lack incentive to live up to something or someone more important than themselves, especially not their woman. No improvement in male behavior bodes ill for society and relationship harmony.

Females determined to capture men at all cost expand the lower side and shrink upper side numbers. The result: Fewer men today work hard to charm, capture, and hold their choice, particularly a wife. More and more marriages crumble because of poor choices made by women that choose instead of being chosen.

Male dominance of cultural values and standards as exists today expands the number of men in the lower sector. Female dominance of the culture expands the upper sector to make more men choosers instead of relationship losers.

The more highly the male gender is valued in the culture, the more easily men move into the upper sector and improve the mechanisms of society as a whole. That is, the better the men, the more women accept letting themselves be captured. The more women do that, the better that marriages and society turn out.

I close this series with a personal note: This blog and especially the virtual virginity series aim to inform women how they can become the chosen rather than the choosers, the winners rather than marital losers.

20 Comments

Filed under Sociology 101

20 responses to “930. THE MALE MATRIX: alpha, beta, gamma—Part VIII

  1. ladylike

    This post provides part of the answer to a question I’ve been meaning to ask: Can a woman’s behaviour/standards influence whether a man moves from the beta category (or gamma category) into the alpha category?

    Also can a woman’s behaviour/standards influence whether a man moves from the alpha category into the beta or gamma category?

    Your Stunningness Ladylike,

    True in all cases you mention. It’s slow, very undeliberate on his part, and barely detectable over the short haul. However, if she treats him as an accomplished and performing alpha, he becomes moreso. As an accomplished and performing beta or gamma, ditto.

    It’s the self-fulfilling prophecy once again. We all tend to trend toward what others expect of us, which we learn from how others treat us. The closer, such as in a marriage, the more certain it occurs. But yet it can take years. As an example, I hide the reality of our relationship with fun. I tell people it took me the first 35 years to get Mrs. Guy trained exactly as she wants me.

    Guy

  2. Simplicity Evermore

    So, even in this choosing our influence is indirect. (We indirectly choose the man we want by weeding out those who don’t choose us.) Shows Divine consistency. XD

    Your Exceptionalness Simplicity Evermore,
    Well done! You’re far more perceptive than I. However, I still haven’t figured out your ‘XD’ except to assume it to be an approving exclamation.
    Guy

    P.S. I really like the ‘react, don’t act’ that you mentioned in a previous comment.
    G.

  3. Listening....

    Hello,
    I have been listening for a few weeks, and I have been reading along chronologically from the beginning with jumps to the current topics.

    I have enjoyed very much learning from Mr Guy and from the dialogs that occur with you ladies, thank you all. This is much needed and appreciated information….I have been so lost for so long.

    I wonder, can a woman improve her “sexual market value” to draw a particular alpha male?

    I now know that I am closet feminine woman who was taught growing up to suppress her feminine feelings and being shy, locked herself away. Add parents who were neglectful and withdrew from parenting as a pre-teen leaving me to figure out life without the benefit of learning skills from parents, who also moved away physically when I was 20. I have had to take care of myself as best as I can alone, and being shy without natural flirting skills (nor taught by my mother) and whose natural feminine charms were suppressed early on, I have been alone my whole life.

    I found a man who I am attracted to who is an Alpha male, who has also been alone a long time (he is driven to succeed in his business). I worked hard at becoming his friend (10 years, he has few friends) because, while I was attracted to him, I did not know how to connect with him more. From our talks in the last couple of years, I learned his thoughts on masculinity/femininity (very similar to yours’ Guy) which opened my eyes and started my seeking more information so that I could grow in that direction.

    Thanks to this blog (+ a few others) and my talks with this man, I have learned a great deal and have begun to release my locked up feminine side.

    So back to the question, can a woman improve her “sexual market value” to draw a particular alpha male?

    Many thanks to you Mr Guy!

    Your Highness Listening,

    Welcome aboard. Glad to have you traveling with us.

    You should know him well enough by now. What does he value in women? Become more like that.

    Sounds like you’re already improving your value, so why slow down? Whoever you are and whatever you do in his eyes have not been enough. You’re attracted but, as far as you know, he’s not attracted to you.

    So, accelerate your act, become smoothly different without shocking. Become more feminine in mystery, modesty, morality, attire, barn painting, smiling much more, using a quieter persona, and making your standards and expectations more admirable as feminine blessings. The boob language series should help a lot about attire etc.

    I also suggest that you be more shy about your friendship and don’t rely on him for help. Men see a promising future when they see preciousness that doesn’t intrude on their ways and means. You’re not valuable for what you promise him, but for the promise he sees in you.

    Plus, are there any ways in which you can help his business succeed? It’s important, however, to not be burdensome.

    Hope some of this helps.

    Guy

    • Ditto what everybody else has said, esp. Jill F.

      From my own experience, I was very attracted to my husband when we were “just friends.” Stupidly following the world’s ways (as shown in movies and TV shows), I thought I needed to be more “available”… that if he could just get to know me a bit more, he would see how nice I was and how perfect I was for him. Instead, that just made him take me for granted. When I “gave up on him” (oh, so difficult to do!), that awakened something in him that made him think that I wasn’t as attracted to him as he thought I was, so it made him start thinking of me as perhaps more than “just friends” and maybe as a real potential.

      I wasn’t playing hard-to-get; I just retreated, which I now know prompted him to pursue me. If you move away from him, then he has to follow you in order to stay close to you. If you stay close to him regardless of what he does, it requires no effort on his part to stay close to you.

      There are no guarantees in life, and with a possible female rival for this man’s attention, I won’t guarantee that if you do x, y, or z, that he will definitely start pursuing you. However, I can just about guarantee that if you make it too easy for him, and make yourself too available to him, there is no need for him to make any effort to get you.

      As several of the others have said, heighten your mystery and become less available. Don’t “fight” the other woman directly, because you both (or perhaps all three of you) will lose. Instead, seek to excel in every true womanly quality so that if he is comparing either of you to the other or to anyone else, that you will come out the clear winner. But don’t do it just to “catch” him; do it because it’s the right thing to do, and because it’s better for you. Make a real change; not just to try to trick him into marrying you. If it’s not real, then you’ll be building a relationship or marriage on a façade, and it will eventually tumble down.

  4. theresa

    Yep, for a relationship to be happy and fulfilling, a woman can’t “win” a man, no matter what she does, if you want you’re relationship to last he has to win her. Hard to get is crucial, I’ve seen it in my own marriage as well as my sister’s and friends. Sorry Guy, did’nt mean to repeat what you basically just said, but it really hit home for me.

    • Lady Carmen

      Sweet Listening you are tuned in to the Holy Ghost, Angelic Choirs and the voice of your Shepherd. You were lost and now have found your way on board a heavenly train. Here you will be safe and have wonderful instruction from Sir Guy, Lady Grace and many nurturing “Mom’s” to tenderly guide you. It took much courage to come aboard and tell your story. Believe me this ride is all First Class and you are on the narrow path that few find. God Bless You!

  5. Listening....

    Thank you very much Guy for your suggestions and questions.

    It sounds like I am on the right path, I just need to step it up more and faster. There has been a complication (another woman who he has become friends with – she’s my friend now too) to my story, that urges me to accomplish more and faster. I will tweak my course to follow more closely your suggestions, and continue to learn more here.

    Funnily enough, I have been helping in a small capacity to his business for awhile now. Your point about not becoming a burden with it is well taken since it did happen at a point last fall and I see now that it was my fault, and I need to apologize for that. I am actually in a very unique position to help him in his business, I just need to remember to do it subltly, with indirection and not need (so much) acknowledgement for what I am doing.

    It is such a relief to know that I am (generally) on the right path…I have been very worried….and I have been waiting a long time.

    Thank you!

  6. Lady Carmen

    Oops! I meant to reply to Listening and do so lovingly welcome you aboard!

  7. Jill F.

    Listening…just to reiterate what Guy said…be careful about being too available even in the listening and talking department.

    I have seen women be friendly, helpful, lend an ear and bake cookies for their men “friends” and those men never look at the women and deeply desire a more committed relationship with them. Why should they? The women are meeting their needs in just about every area (and some men get sex elsewhere).

    It can be very hard to help a man “see” how perfect you would be for him. Make sure you don’t get desperate! You may actually want to enlarge your world a bit so that you are busy and happy with meaningful activities such as volunteer work. It is good for him to wonder where you are. It is even better for him to be surprised by how many people you know or how appreciated you are in some circles.

    Subtly show him a different side of who you are…have fun!

  8. Simplicity Evermore

    Thank you Sir Guy.

    You assumption is correct, the XD is an approving exclamation of sorts. It’s a smiley. (on it’s side)The ‘X’ is the scrunched up eyes and the ‘D’ is the ear to ear grin.

  9. Listening....

    Thank you Kathy, Theresa, and Jill,

    I have been retreating a bit, although that was mostly unintentional. Now that you point that out, I see that it does seem to be having some positive effect. Thank you for suggestion, I will do it in a more intentional way.

    I have been trying to keep myself positive that should he not grow interested (and attracted to me) and pursue me, that the things I am now learning, and putting into practice will help me with another masculine man. I think that attitude will also help me to be less focused on my friend and possibly pique his interest too! So, win/win!

    Thank you all for your encouraging comments and interest!

  10. Scared of alphas

    This is a very good discussion about alpha, betta and gamma males. Good luck with getting the guy ” listening” but I must admit I sought of cringed when you mentioned another woman. I think that I might have a few hang ups with this concept of the “alpha” male due to some bad experiences esspecially with the hole competing with other females, probably because for three consecutive times in my life I was always on the loosing side to that coin and trust me it screws you up mentally when you have to watch as time after time the guy you wanted is with someone else, gets worse when they are participating in public (PDA):-(.
    When I think of alpha I see that over egotistical, self-absorbed guy, who has many girls who wants to date him and is very minipulative of this power. He has alot of friends but if he ever shows interest in you watch out because the claws of other women will come out. As a result of this I’ve been particularly avoiding men who just walk into the room and everyone is drawn to him. That golden boy everyone admires. The kind that everyone makes you feel like dirt if you can’t get his attention. Its like a red light that goes off and says ” he’s out of your league, even if he shows the slightest interest you wont be able to keep that interest because there are 1 million women in the world who are better than you waiting to get that guy…….you don’t stand a chance……save yourself from looking like a fool later when he chooses some one else and everyone is looking at you with pity( cause they know he was talking to you first) and assuming your jealous”. To get the alpha man you must be the alpha female. This may sound like high school but its always the prettiest and the brightest.
    I realize I have issues can you help me work through them!!!!

    Your Highness Scared of alphas,

    What issues? You’ve identified your problem, proposed the optimal solution, committed yourself to it, and know exactly how to move on to a glorious future. Confirm your self-confidence. You’re already ahead of 99.9% of the female competition.

    You may avoid some awkwardness this way. Whenever golden boy arrives, immediately start convo with the nearest guy, show interest in him, and stay focused on him until the ‘noise’ of GB’s entrance dies down. Just a thought to avoid turmoil that may later become turbulent.

    Guy

    • Sharon

      Dear Scared . . . I well remember the early high school scene, in a large H.S. I never did join a “clique.” I avoided “competing” for guys and once I chose to just be friendly to everyone, the pressure was off me and friendships with guys came readily. In adulthood, the concept still applies: be friendly to everyone (not giving your heart to everyone, but at least the benefit of the doubt until they prove themselves untrustworthy). Listen with interest to what interests others. Be aware of others’ needs, and that will take your focus off your own. Seek to give, as appropriate, rather than to “get.” Keep prettifying yourself outwardly and inwardly, and be active in learning, growing, and developing your personal interests. Cultivate female friendships with those who do the same, for that will nurture your own confidence and growth. Avoid toxic friendships — whether male or female.

  11. Simplicity Evermore

    Also, keep in mind that these ‘alphas’ go through the PDA because they want to make all the other girls jealous. They know it, and they like the power it gives them to be able to manipulate so many women. (I mean, who doesn’t like to be fought over? That’s some major ego stroking.)

    –You are very wise to avoid them.–

    I find that a way to stop this is to smile when you see it comming. Look him straight in the eyes and grin. He’ll have to wonder why your grinning when all his entourage is pulling their hair out. Double whammy if you can remark to one of your friends/guy friends about how affectionate he is to his girlfriends. And how so many guys are disrespectful, so it’s nice to see him giving his girl what she wants.

    That ought to take the sting right out of it. And if that doesn’t cure the heartache, always remember: Be grateful your not his pawn.

    • surfercajun

      Simplicity Evermore…

      What you state above brings back a memory. It was at a Christian camp I was at…(high school) A high school good looking guy (alpha) was one of the camp coaches which all the girls jumped at the chance of being with and pawing him. I remember walking off from the group of girls after listening to them around him…later before the week ended he pursued me! Made a bracelet to give to me. As we stood there, one of the girls grab and hugged him for my bracelet. I remember his eyes staring straight into mine as I stood there blushing as well as wondering what did I do to deserve such attention? I no longer have the bracelet..but have this wonderful memory.

  12. MLaRowe

    Dear Guy,

    Does an alpha male necessarily mean they are going to have alpha offspring? I’m pretty sure they don’t. Although generally speaking I think the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree there can always be exceptions.

    When I say alpha I’m not talking about golden pretty boy types I’m talking about a true alpha male- strength of character, intelligent, honorable, brave, confident, able to read others and make good decisions. (This list should be much longer but in the interest of time).

    Does it depend on the mother?

    The circumstances when a boy is growing up?

    Does it happen that for some alpha males things came so easily to them that they don’t actually parent their sons into being who they themselves are?

    Your Highness MLaRowe,

    To all three questions, yes.

    If mother doesn’t honor and even glorify father for his alpha traits and behavior and allow son to self-develop his way in copying his father, then son won’t duplicate him.

    Childhood may be more deterministic than genetics of who we become as adults, but I refuse to argue the point. (The battle over nature and nurture is too deep for me and, besides, so much can be done with the nurture side that can’t be done on the nature side.)

    If father doesn’t show inordinate respect for his son’s alpha-like but immature behaviors and let son develop himself in alpha-ness with freedom to fail, then son will become discouraged from copying father and become passive via resentment or the opposite via resistance. (Inordinate respect and self-development are the keys to duplicating father).

    Good questions, darling.

    Guy

  13. Peach Blossoms

    Sir Guy,
    What about a guy who is willing to let me quiz him about himself, even to talk generally about his views on marriage and kids, but doesn’t press me to talk about myself? Not that he doesn’t ask, but if I am not forthcoming, he doesn’t press me to answer.

    Your Highness Peach Blossoms,
    About the only thing you can be sure of is that he’s more interested in self than you. The only test is for you to pull back as if uninterested in him. He may be honestly interested but you won’t know until you make changes in your relationship, whatever it happens to be now.
    Guy

  14. Cocoa

    Sir Guy, can a man be an alpha at home and beta/gamma at work or the other way round? Can or would they change according to where they are and what they’re doing?

    Your Highness Cocoa,
    Of course. Any of those options. He’s a person who interacts with others as persons. He’s a man and interacts with men and women. He has various roles in life and competes with others. He does whatever makes him successful wherever he is and whatever he does. At least that’s what men aim at although not all are successful in all those various roles and not all the time either.
    Guy

  15. Aná

    Ladies,
    I notice that Guy was extremely hesitant to go any further into the definitions of alpha, beta, and gamma, as he should be. In other posts, Guy has discouraged the manosphere sites that use such terminology. Guy’s definitions do not match the cocky alpha or weak beta of pop culture, and he even said that men act out whatever definition we give them.

    So, I see no reason to think in terms of beta or alpha at all. Guy didn’t write these charts so that we could sit around and take quizzes like the ones in Cosmopolitan. He had a point to make.

    In this post, Guy said that there are two types of men: those who choose a woman, and better themselves in order to capture her, and the guys who sit around and let the woman choose. Guy wanted his readers to be Chosen, to attain the powerful position of Desired-for-more-than-sex. That’s why he wanted us to attract the first type of man.

    Let’s leave the wolfpack definitions where they belong and continue to become beautiful together.

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