Tag Archives: intercourse

2149. Uniqueness: They are Very Different


The sexes differ another way too, and you ladies won’t care much for the surprise.

Women equate their own uniqueness with what they do extra mostly to please men or a man; unique by being different and out-competing other women. Men equate female uniqueness with other-than-strictly-sex qualities they admire, which become virtues, which tend to attract a man as if magnetically.

Men equate their own uniqueness with their sexual performance. Women equate masculine uniqueness with a man’s ability and propensity to treat women kindly, affectionately, and respectfully.

Misled by not understanding the male nature, women try to be unique in the bedroom only to find in the long run that it’s wasted effort. Her bedroom talent and skills just do not hold a man close to her. She plays up her sex appeal, yes. But virtues a man discovers outside the bedroom have the magnetic appeal that morphs eventually from romantic into enduring love.

It means her bedroom qualities are not what keeps him; they help but they’re not key. I don’t say her love-making abilities are not admired. She is just not unique during intercourse; his dynamic focus drowns it. She comes in second to his achievement and she doesn’t rank nearly as high after orgasm. That’s why post-coital intimacy is not part of his habits. His being spent demotes her importance.

Women are not unique in bed unless they gain that vaunted status beforehand; gained out of bed and upright rather than horizontal. Even then it passes unnoticed in bed, because men focus on exactly what is familiar and similar with other women.

A woman’s uniqueness is the product of a man’s eyes, curiosity, and imagination. All of which fade with erectile penetration, and with it for a short time goes her qualities unrelated to sex. IOW, all women can fornicate so none is unique once the monster with two backs appears.

A man’s sense of his own uniqueness comes out in bed with a woman—in his mind, that is. Consequently, when he’s unique, she’s not, and it begs the question.

Q. What is the value of her uniqueness for him?

A. Sex bonds a woman but not a man. Sex may capture him temporarily, but it won’t keep him. She needs something else outside the bed. Men want to marry a virtuous woman. Her virtues arise out of her qualities that he admires. Fed by his admiration, her qualities morph into virtues, which compound into fascination, which makes her appear promising as future mate, which makes her truly unique among other women. Thus, her promise as potential mate makes her uniqueness bloom and confirm that his actions to win her are not wasted.

The lure of her uniqueness pulls him along right through courtship and on to the altar. IOW, if she is not unique, not having earned it outside the bed, she has little promise to meet him in front of the parson.

Trying to be unique in bed is thus wasted effort for her. Oh, not trying to be pretty and attractive but that’s not unique. He ignores all but her body anyway, while he focuses on being his own loveable and loving self trying to earn the laurels of ‘best lover’ from her. He knows he deserves that title, and her confirmation afterward triggers his imagination in her favor for the future. She may be of sufficient interest to warrant the label of unique. But she should bet her chips on being unique outside of bed, if she hopes to keep him for more than a few years.

 

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1798. Sex Difference Redux—Part 49: Art of Love vs. Lovemaking


Her Highness An Avid Follower and a Lady asked at 1797 for details about enhancing the art of love within a man. She commented in woman-think. I close the gap with man-think.

Loving is a basic and critical component of the female nature. Both love and the art of love originate within individual females. A girl’s mind dreams of love. As a woman, her mind conceives the art of love, and her heart detects failures, measures successes, and judges men according to her expectations.

The concept of love is foreign to the male nature. Men must be taught to value it. Women expect to see the ‘art of love’ flow out of men as if men know how and what to do. However, men know only what they have learned from family, buddies, and previous females in their lives, that is:

  1. Mothers indoctrinate, fathers exemplify, and sisters encourage boys to love and show affection to females. As one might expect, dysfunctional families produce lousy lovers by female expectations.
  2. From teen and adult buddies, boys and men pick up successful tactics aimed at gaining access to more sex. As one might expect, males learn almost exclusively about the art of lovemaking centered on intercourse. The art of love centered on devotion is rarely mentioned.
  3. Teen girls tame boys and young men. They teach males to display loving and loveable gestures in order to earn the favor of females. As one might expect, cheap and easy teen sex produces this in adulthood: selfish and high performance oriented lovers in males and inadequate devotion of males for females.
  4. Adult women condition men to show affection and figure out how to please a woman’s desire to be loved and to provide it. As one might expect, women either upholds standards that teach men the art of love, or they bow to the masculine art of lovemaking.

Out of those experiences, a man stabilizes his version of the art of love based on his personal version of lovemaking. It becomes habitual and difficult to change. Embellishments to please a particular woman come only after she gently coaches him to be more artful in her eyes.

The sexes differ greatly. Women dream of the art of love centered on devotion. Men dream of the art of lovemaking centered on intercourse. Only females can change the masculine focus, but it requires that girls and women generate mutual devotion before yielding to intercourse.

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1736. Affection for Her vs. Sex for Him


Wife may not like sex, it may hurt, or husband’s habits may offend. He’s convinced that his sexual ability makes him admirable if not adorable. It doesn’t take much to convince him that she thinks him inadequate in bed. Or, he may find her inadequate. If him, he’s urged to prove otherwise to himself. If her, he invites himself to find sexual pleasure with someone else. (Vows and character play no part here, because I’m explaining the male nature.)

The spectrum of results in the bedroom has two extremes. Ideal that tends to keep spouses from wandering, or so dissatisfying that it makes them think of little else. Couples innocently and  easily wade into the latter extreme, so I describe a way to move from somewhere on the spectrum toward the ideal.

Much different from women, displaying his affection for someone is not a natural element in a man’s makeup. It’s learned and displayed for specific reasons. Moreover, it isn’t essential for his sexual activity. So, disregarding sleep for this point, in the bedroom men think of affection second—if at all. Women think of sex second—if at all.

A man shows his affection to his woman because he understands she craves it, he wants to please her, or both; although conditional with him, she expects it naturally. A man’s prime motivator is need for self-admiration. Little or no satisfaction comes from showing affection, but self-admiration blasts off during foreplay and reaches orbital speed during intercourse.

Much different from men, a woman loves a man because it makes her feel self-important. She shows him affection, because it expresses her love, or she hopes to stimulate affectionate responses from him. A woman’s prime motivator is the need for self-importance. It doesn’t accumulate from sex, but it skyrockets from intimacy and cherishment after intercourse, aka afterplay.

He goes to the bedroom expecting sleep or sex, both of which confirm his self-admiration. She goes there expecting to confirm her self-importance, whether through affection, sex, snuggling, or sleep. Merging and morphing those differences into compatibility is the crowning achievement of married life.

It begs the question: How?

In the bedroom, wife indirectly stresses her admiration for who and what he is to her as a wife fulfilled in bed, as a woman dependent on his sexual smoothness, and as a person completed by his understanding of what she needs from her man. She acts fortunate to have him in bed as intimate partner. Her modesty and desire to remain mysterious prevents talking about sexual activity directly. Actually, bed is the place to minimize words and let him translate her endearments into admiration of him. She doesn’t mention his sexual habits, prowess, or performance. She lets her physical responses send messages that confirm his sense of self-admiration. He excites and satisfies her as the woman she is, but she downplays the intercourse phase of it. She claims that he tickles her fancy in bed. She adores his foreplay. She admires his tenderness in afterplay. But intercourse is his time to rise and shine, and she just makes the most of it.

If she sincerely enjoys intercourse, she downplays it to him. Her orgasm satisfies but multiples skyrocket his self-admiration. If she plays it up beyond orgasmic benefits, she waters down the effects she needs to emphasize with foreplay and afterplay.

I credit a pretty woman named Anne for this super-wise thought. If wife has any complaints about his lovemaking, keep silent until six months have passed. Time not only heals, but husband has six months to figure out what he should do better. When men—without being told—figure out what they should do, they do it.

Even though I’ve tried to describe how a wife can parlay bedtime into the ideal that prevents wandering, only the couple involved can figure out what works for them, what generates their treasure trove of marital delight. I wish good luck and God’s blessings to every couple.

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808. Gender Differences Revisited — Group R


  1. Couples shack up to test for sexual compatibility. Women deceive themselves. Men applaud themselves.
  2. Men presume commitment but women don’t. Women need assurance and daily confirmation, if confirmed only by themselves.
  3. Women expect men to be romantic, but romance slows a man’s conquering spirit. Men are as romantic as a woman requires before accepting foreplay or intercourse.
  4. Both wives and husbands resent facing previous sex partners of their spouse. Wife loathes the other woman. Husband holds animosity for his wife.
  5. Women crave frequent little things and remembrances to remind that their man is thinking of them. Men don’t.
  6. Men depart a relationship with hope for a less involved one the next time. Women depart a relationship with conviction she can do better the next time.
  7. Women easily expand their thinking from ‘me’ to ‘you and me’ and then to ‘us’ and even to ‘you come before me’. (It brightens her future.) Men are slow to grow that way and also backslide easily. (His interest lies with the present.)
  8. Women easily love a man, but men love their work—or whatever they have to do to prove themselves to themselves.
  9. To women, and mother knows best, a person’s character is more important than what that person does. Men lean toward the opposite.

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801. Boob Language — Part 23


  • Modern women attire their upper bodies as if boob quantity counts more than quality, as if you’ve seen one, you’ve seen them all. Modesty and unique breast line shaping reverse that thinking among men.
  • No surprise: Exposed skin diverts his curiosity away from her non-sex attributes. Surprise: Sex satisfies his curiosity instead of shifting it onto her other qualities. 
  • Modest attire, grooming, and non-sexed up attractiveness is the only thing other than ugliness that diverts his sex drive to the back of his mind. (Not to claim that’s all he thinks about, but that she should expect everything to remind him of it, and she controls best with feminine modesty AKA her signs and symbols of personal restraint and supposed disinterest.)
  • The movies show women attacking a man to expedite getting to intercourse, for example ripping off his clothes. It’s probably good for box office draw, but in the real world such a woman voids that man’s respect. (He thinks: If she’s that eager for sex, she’ll not discriminate with whom she does it. So, I’m certainly not special, just a tool. But that’s alright for now; I’ll take it.)
  • Women copy masculine practices. They rely on unappealing clothing and choose carefree or careless grooming. They go along to get along, and after conquest have to get up and go along.

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798. Foreplay IV — Tips Again


A few more tips lead to closing this series:

  • The later the cutoff of deepening foreplay, the greater the frustration. The greater the frustration, the less respect he holds for her, the less inclined she becomes to terminate foreplay the next time, and the closer they draw to intercourse.
  • If she measures her sense of self-worth or his worthiness for her by her passions under foreplay pressures, he’s on the road to intercourse and she will perhaps lose him later rather than sooner.
  • If he won’t respect body parts as untouchable when she seeks snuggling romance, does he respect her enough to love her? If he’s told to not touch or his wandering hands are moved, how does he react? Respectful withdrawal and restraint? Or, lack of restraint, persistence against her wishes, and disrespect?
  • If he won’t honor her decisions regarding chasteness and allow her to prevent excess temptation, will he honor her other personal decisions once they marry? Don’t count on it.
  • Foreplay is the best testing ground to prove that he’s worthy of her, to condition his thinking habits to accept her decisions. After marriage, or at least after romantic love fades in a year or two, few things will be more important to her than his respect for her opinions and decision-making.
  • Think about a lengthy courtship. Gradual expansion of foreplay easily leads to sex before marriage. However, a firm stopping point can be negotiated and agreed to early in courtship. If he goes along and his devotion accepts conquest after marriage, she’s won the ballgame.

So, this series ends. Foreplay has been brought to a boil, condensed, and separated from romance, love, and female wishful thinking. It’s a great tool to show her wifely potential, but she has to exploit it.

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796. Foreplay II — Pre-conquest


I describe foreplay from this male perspective: Women enjoy foreplay, and men only have to learn the steps of each woman’s progression that leads to intercourse.

Women know this, so I’ll state the obvious: He starts with high energy and expectations of how far he can go. Also, he starts with little restraint and knowledge of how far he should go. It’s up to her to suppress and divert his sexual drive, if she prefers to use foreplay to her long-range advantage instead of lying back to enjoy immediate gratification.   

Foreplay is a woman’s wonderful tool to qualify a man for marriage. Few things push a man more to reveal his true nature, his worthiness for her. And nothing better separates Marrying Man pursuing her from the other guys pursuing sex.

A man is as romantic as required to initiate foreplay and conquest. At every level of foreplay, if he can’t advance, he shifts back into romance and sweet-talk mode.

Women expect a romantic interlude to precede foreplay. It arouses their heart and prepares them for physical arousal.

A woman’s toughest challenge is to identify, define, and consciously decide exactly what temptations she will allow and can draw and hold a line that enables some foreplay but prevents intercourse. No further will she go! Will power is harder, but it works better for her than hopes and dreams and good intentions.

So, smarter females use foreplay to stimulate romance. They make hard-headed and hard and fast conscious decisions long before they are talked or led too deeply into foreplay. They learn to manage foreplay to stimulate romance that they prefer and defer intercourse that men prefer.

Tips tomorrow.

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