700. Wife’s Dependency — Section 5

I close this series with two posts and two patterns. This first one points to things that build compatibility. Tomorrow the second one points to the opposite.

These tradeoffs worked well to build compatibility over the past couple centuries:

♦       She depends on him for producing, providing, protecting, and problem solving, which confirm his importance and value to her. She acts and talks her reliance on him, especially in front of others because it reinforces her own thinking and, consequently, her feelings.  

♦       He shows her deference in respectful ways that enable her to build admirable status and stature to confirm and lift her self-respect.

♦       He gives what she needs and doesn’t block her potential to earn high status and stature in home and community. In return she exploits it with graciousness that generates more feminine and ladylike behavior, which generates more status and stature, which generates more respect and love from him.

♦       Her ladylike behavior also makes her appear more independent of male domination, without reflecting adversely on him. She makes him feel fortunate for her, and so he looks good to others—especially male competitors.

♦       Enraptured with her femaleness her feminine side shines. She’s busy being her self-respecting self and brightening her future by generating his dependency on her. She contributes so much to family and home that dependence on him becomes virtually a right.

Tomorrow the flip side of this coin.

488. Wifely Success — Part II

Princess Jessica and Princess Tamara inquired about “…PROPER ways a woman can balance her home and work life.” There is no PROPER way, except as individual women make choices and succeed. These cause and effect tips may help.

©     Home life includes relationship management. To men, relationships require no management. But women keep insisting otherwise. At what cost?

©     Honey-do lists become intolerable when Honey schedules, supervises, or criticizes.

©     Husbands do not see the little nesting details of home life that irritate wife. Reprimanding him for ‘blindness’ turns her into nagger, tyrant, or expendable mate.

©     Husbands enshrined at home stay at home. Wives that enshrine themselves at home grow bored with husband.

©     A man’s shortcomings before marriage will become insufferable to his wife afterward. Her premarital shortcomings weaken his commitment, unless he’s so devoted that he sees none.

©     If he can’t be the family head, she can’t be the family heart. She can be both the head and the heart, but single moms usually find it doesn’t work well.

©     Female modesty and moral standards rigidly upheld with delicate feminine expectations are a natural counterbalance to male domination.

©     A man’s desire for his woman to maintain their home is much stronger than her natural female objections—but not her feminist or political opposition.

©     If she fails to admire strong character traits in him and others, his masculine conscience will weaken.

©     Her apparent submissiveness to his CEO role in the home adds value to both her and his sense of significance. Her failure to yield to him as ultimate authority drives him to graze at more agreeable pastures. 

©     Feminism pressures men to change their behavior, but the masculine nature erupts in often-silent but distinct ways that hurt individual women.

Other tips are scattered throughout the blog.

347. Abstinence Pays

Girlhood abstinence reduces male dominance.

As part of the sexual revolution, women abandon the lessons of their mothers and grandmothers. They exploit newly proclaimed sexual ‘rights’, and abandon the time-honored American female strategy of No Sex without Marriage.

But, they go too far. Feminism inspired greater sexual freedom for females, but women could not keep it from flowing to adolescent girls. The younger the females available to provide sex, the greater their sexual attraction to men committed to someone else. (Who says abstinence education for girls doesn’t pay off?)

If they choose, girls and younger women can easily disrupt tightly bonded marriages that appear unbreakable. Today they do choose. Many seek committed married men as already proven worthwhile for matrimony. Men separated and divorced remain unproven, and their value goes down relative to the still-married.

Girls and adolescent-minded women, such as college booty, lack maturity to undercut male domination. Mature females are fearful of losing their man. Consequently, females submit more easily to male domination in both the social and home arenas.

328. Sex and the fickle girl — Part 15

Many mothers misread the tea leaves of their youth. They advise daughters poorly by promoting popularity over virginity. Mixed with low self-esteem and angst, it leads to unintended consequences in the teen sex marketplace.

♀ Seeking popularity, girls stoop to the absolute lowest rung on the social ladder. Manly disrespect and male dominance don’t get more absolute than with public fellatio, not even in the White House.

♀ Males claim fellatio as ‘not sex’. Females fall for it. Some girls ‘preserve their virginity’ that way. Technically, they’ve already lost it, because they lose more respect than single intercourse would cost them. They also victimize themselves beneath the indignity of adolescent masculine ridicule.  

♀  The latest generation talks about ‘rainbow jobs’. Younger generations need to outdo others; what one generation tolerates, the next practices.

♀  Treated disrespectfully except for more head reduces a girl’s self-respect, which poisons her self-image, and keeps her self-esteem pinned to the lowest possible. This erodes her self-confidence for everything except more sexual activity to confirm that popularity has its own rewards.

♀  Recovery is everything, and the non-sexual blessings of virtual virginity can restore her self-respect, -confidence, -image, and -esteem.

[Fourteen other posts about sex and the fickle girl and sixteen about virtual virginity are listed in the Content page at the top.]

326. Female dominance: Gone! — Part 11

It works like the HIV virus. Equality is impossible to achieve, especially on the subject of dominance. Even thinking about it is futile and can be destructive to any relationship.

·        If he loves her more than she loves him, she can dominate, which means he adopts a submissive spirit to her wishes and demands. If she loves him more, she can’t, and he doesn’t.

·        Both sexes dominate with their strengths: A woman can love a man more than herself and show it daily—her strength. A man withholds on daily displays, but he’ll sacrifice himself to provide, protect, and save her and children—his strength.    

·        Being the relationship expert, women have choices: Does she prefer that love, affection, and warmth dominate her relationship, or that he doesn’t dominate it?

·        What does his dominance cost her? Her ego can’t stand the thought of it or the need for her to submit. Her heart doesn’t mind, though, when she loves him more than herself. Her choice: ego or heart?

Women program themselves for defeat as soon as they concern themselves with dominance and submissiveness. The former is Nature, the latter is accommodation that makes a relationship work.

[Ten other posts about dominance are listed in the Content page at the top.]

299. Female dominance: Gone! — Part 10

Women lose their power to offset their mate’s dominant nature when they rely on feelings instead of thinking through with intent to solve problems.

Women easily sense disharmonies, problems, or conflicts in their relationships with a man. Men are far less sensitive to such potentially disruptive forces. Not only less sensitive but also the main culprit, or so women see it.

The ball is always in her court for a variety of reasons, and she has options. Without her initiative and leadership to resolve issues before they compound, her relationship will likely flounder and may fail. It’s in her court because:

·        She’s the relationship expert. Her female nature arms her to counter his dominance when necessary. She has only to play her cards right.

·        He won her by proving himself worthy—or should have. She married him for better or worse, That is, ‘as is’! If he now disappoints her, it’s her fault. Or, so she should assume and more easily forgive and forget.

·        Regardless of his guilt, it’s counterproductive to try quieting his dominant nature. When a man is blamed by his woman, he shifts into competitive mode and treats her as he would another guy—except he can be more forceful with much less fear of reprisal. In competitive mode with his woman, his battle helmet hardens, and he enters discussions with no intention of losing.

·        Leadership operates on principles—primarily responsibility and authority. First principle: Without responsibility, one has no authority to act. If she blames him and expects him to change whatever is wrong, then she accepts no responsibility and has no authority to go further.

·        Blame initially offends him, so she should wait for him to get clued in. She thus yields the power to initiate. When problems become apparent to him, his problem-solving dominance rises to take over. She merely has to guide his efforts to solve her problem.

When she abrogates her role as relationship expert, she loses strength for easing his dominance.

[More on the shattering of female dominance appears at posts 283, 252, 237, 222, 209, 194, 173, 159, and 151.]

 

 

 

 

288. Chaste courtship works — Part 8

♂©♀  The more she likes herself as a female, the more outwardly dominant she can permit a man to be, because of high confidence about ultimately getting him to accept her way about her needs, wants, and desires in their life together.

♂©♀  Mr. Right does not arrive in her life. She turns the man in her life into the right man, and the process lasts as long as his devotion to her. To her mind, he never quite gets there. But, he also never finds out what she’s been doing—until it’s too late, and they are aging gracefully together.

♂©♀  Successful courtships belong to predominately hard-headed women who patiently and indirectly integrate mutual interests into a bright future together. Virtual virginity best holds his attention, while she works the scene.

♂©♀  Men grow their love for a woman from light-hearted feelings that he stumbles into—she’s attractive, fun, likeable, very respectable—and he slowly becomes magnetized by her other qualities. (Such as those at post 59.) 

♂©♀  Most women have two options: give of herself as a helpmate, or live life alone, lonesome, and often desperate. Young women claim it’s b…s…, but they’ve not aged yet either.

♂©♀  In courtship it pays for her to have high regard for and associate with many other people—not dating tho. He should not win her heart and mind completely until after they marry. The stick while courting, the carrot after marriage.

[More about making caste courtships work at posts 174, 163, 154, 143, 108, 107, and 100. Scroll down sequentially or search by the number with a dot and space following.]

269. Dirge follows urge to merge

Women are in charge of relationships, but do they know what, how, and why to do it?

♀ Persistently rejecting boys’ offers for first-time sex teaches girls to ‘read’ and evaluate things more important than looks and love—his conscience, values, and attitudes.

♀ Ignore or pardon his character traits to enter a relationship, and girls enter an unknown world sans map and compass.

♀ By age 21 she should score 100% on this test: Distinguish a man’s devotion for her as a person from another man’s commitment to join her in a relationship.

♀ Virtue makes a person shine relative to others. Conscience is virtue honored by strength of character. Virtuous character outshines physical attractiveness.  

♀ Proving a man’s good character takes time, and virtual virginity works best. Marry a man of good character, and her future brightens with permanence.

♀ The TV in the bedroom adds more straying power than staying power for both sexes. Late night shows program the mind for what’s bigger, better, and more appealing outside the home. The body’s relaxed, the mind’s vulnerable.

Men get the urge. Women agree to merge. Children hear the dirge.