2768. Avoid Being Dumped (repost of 2129)

Given the expansion of female sexual freedom even into the community of prepubescent girls, this three year old article might seem OBE, overtaken by events. Doesn’t seem to matter whether gals put out or not, however, they still get dumped with nauseating regularity.

At post 1343 Her Highness Mia inquired “How can we avoid falling into the same trap over and over again … of getting dumped….” Gaining a man’s devotion and learning to keep it is the only insurance against being dropped kicked into misery.

Caution: A strategic plan follows. I have idealized how to earn a man’s devotion. Life isn’t that simple, however. Also, no plan works as written. You have to figure out what and how the principles of the plan can work in your life with your prospects. Relevant blog articles are cited, underscored, and listed in the CONTENT page.

A man interested in you will see you in two lights, sexual and emotional attractiveness. He will tend to stay focused on the sexual. Your job is to develop and keep emotional connections alive and well while he learns to see greater merit in you than just conquest.

• Be yourself. Be honest and truthful with yourself. Avoid all phoniness regardless of what you think is happening. Be up front, blunt, and candid with him. He will appreciate it. (But not totally candid and exceptions of what NOT to disclose are described below. Definitions used here: Honesty means accuracy. Candid means full disclosure.) [HardToGet Tops Full Disclosure!]
• You’re the buyer, he’s the seller. Buyers don’t have to buy right away. He acts, you respond. You don’t initiate, he does. He works to please you. You respond to please him, but you don’t go out of your way. Reward him, however, for going out of his way for you.
• If you can’t admire him for who he is and what he does, then you won’t be able to respect and be grateful for him. In that case, he won’t qualify as Mr. Good Enough unless you lower your values, standards, and expectations, which I urge you not to do. Better to drop him early rather than later. [Five articles listed in CONTENTS with Good Enough in the title.]
• Always dress modestly and your gorgeous best when he’s anywhere near. [Boob Language in 25 parts] Smile a lot and especially at and with him. Show a lot of humor but not faked. Forget any purposeful sexual attractiveness. You can’t be extraordinary, if you dress, act, and look ordinary—and sexual attractiveness is now pretty ordinary.
• He never sees you excited with or about him. Stay calm; he’s just another guy but one of sufficient interest to perhaps be worthy of you. Emotions you reveal can be used against you and probably will be—not dishonestly either—but to facilitate conquest. Full disclosure is out and sexual history—including virgin status yes or no—is your business and none of his. [Virgin? Keep It Secret! in 2 parts; Her Sexual History in 10 parts.]
• Have moral, religious, and personal reasons for not having sex. Don’t explain yourself, however. You are just that way. You are living up to someone or biblical values or principles higher than you. Don’t use phrasing such as you’re saving yourself for husband, etc. You’re celibate simply because your conscience says to stay that way. The more you explain, the more ammo you give him to persuade you otherwise. [Virtual Virginity in 24 parts]
• Forget trying to convince him of your love, or love conquers all, or whatever else your female mind can conceive as beneficial of love. It may not be meaningless to him, but it won’t carry the day, won’t convince him of much. Love just isn’t that important to how a man views his future with a mate. He sees your love in the respect/appreciation/gratitude you show—actions more than words—for who he is and what he does. [Love vs. Respect in 5 parts; Sex Diff. Redux Parts 18 through 28]
• DON’T gift him with the expectation that it will gain you favor. Men don’t appreciate unearned gifts, so you gain nothing at considerable cost. Give simple and inexpensive birthday, Christmas, and especially Valentine gifts. He doesn’t rate Valentine’s Day nearly as high or important as you. How he gifts you, however, tells you a lot. Don’t cook for him except as reward for some special favor he’s done. (Should you marry, you want your cooking to reward him for providing/protecting and not his expecting it for just being the man you love.)
• Be patient. You need many months to allow time for a good man to change to meet your expectations. And, he has to do it mostly at his own motivation and time; your role is secondary. First, he downgrades his primary interest in conquest to include stronger interest in you. Then, he expresses his commitment with words that brighten your future. Then, he morphs into a state of devotion clearly exhibited by his actions to please himself just for wanting to please you. Then, he finds himself deeply devoted, and it shifts his focus to the promise you hold for his life and ambition. Somewhere along that process, his devotion to you shifts conquest into second place on his priority list. (You go wrong to try to influence or expedite that process. So, be patient, yourself, pleasant, and likeable in his presence. Take your complaints and worries to the Lord—but not girlfriends or family.)
• Practice the art of thanking a man without saying thank you. See article Men are Never More Handsome….
• DON’T pay or split pay for dates. If he won’t, he’s not good enough. If he can’t, let him treat you at Taco Bell. How he handles money promises what your future will be like with him. (Men don’t change, remember?) [Single Women Don’t Pay in 3 parts]
• Don’t bug him to call, text, or speak of his love. He takes it as invitation to change and men don’t change for a woman—except as each one becomes devoted through his own motivation and action.
• Use indirectness to get what you want. Seed planting, hints, questions, and weakly worded suggestions. Neither describe nor ask for your expectations to be fulfilled. What he figures out impresses him much more than what you describe or request. [Her Indirectness Overpowers Directness]
• Don’t complain about him or his habits. If unsuitable for your future, drop him. (If you accept undesirable habits now, you in effect are saying you can live with them. When you mention them after marriage, you give him incentive to dump you. You deceived him; he married a phony because he was okay before the altar.)
• There is no Mr. Right and it should take months for him to prove to you that he’s even Mr. Good Enough. Convince yourself and reflect this attitude: He’s not REALLY good enough FOR YOU but you’re willing to spend time with him for the enjoyment that the two of you have together. Just to see what happens. You might make good friends someday; he’s worth that as long as he’s nice and kind. Don’t try to manipulate, just find ways to keep his interest up for many months. It won’t be easy either but necessary for his focus to shift to putting your interest first and ahead of sex. [Six articles with “Mr. Right” in the title.]
• Don’t let him hear you complain; you’re already a winner so you don’t want him involved with the complaint side of your life—at least not yet. Recall this adage? If you smile then he’s okay. If you complain then he’s at fault.

He will press you to find weaknesses to get you into bed. You need months to delay bedtime together while he discovers qualities in you that he can admire. They become virtues to him. Enough virtues and you become fascinating to him. You need more months for him to see promise in you as mate to supplement his life and ambition. After that, perhaps, a proposal.[Men Self-talk their Way to the Altar]

2343. RANDOM THOUGHTS—Group 99

Our forefathers sought to marry a virtuous woman, which is most easily translated as masculine admiration of feminine qualities. Modern men seek to marry a fascinating woman, which is most easily translated as sex appeal with her as seller and him as buyer. Virtuous means she’s worth the risk. Fascinating means no risk to him.

A woman can see a man being in love with her by merely imagining and wanting to believe it so badly that small indications of interest or commitment for sex substitute for his devotion. They have first sex together and her bonding confirms that she’s right. However, men are not like that. They neither bond with sex nor need devotion to conquer.

Doesn’t the Manosphere come to mind as the direction in which society trends today? Players abound for sex and go. Cougars thrive proudly. Men disrespect females and dodge responsibility for children. Dating has been corrupted to meet, greet, hook up, and now threesomes of one or both sexes. Men make no investment of self, when sex is available almost without effort.

Men avoid or leave marriage for many reasons including: 1) Fear caused by women using it to trap and financially rape husbands. 2) The female personality has turned untenable for living together; wife blames husband and his respect of her dissolves. 3) Wife turns out to be someone other than the person and personality he married. 4) Female habits birthed in feminist thought turn women unacceptable for permanent mating; men refuse to put up with her s***.

Women avoid or leave marriage for many reasons including: 1) Men or husband expects to come before her career plans. 2) Men expect to come before children of single moms. 3) Men lack sense of family responsibility. 4) Husband is emotionally unsuited to find and keep a job. 5) Lure of other females induces husband to cheat and divide his loyalty. 6) Husband’s inattention to wife’s needs. 7) Lure of men more attractive for showing affection and with apparent ability to better fulfill wife’s needs. 8) Husband turns out to be someone other than the reliable person she anticipated.

2282. My Mistake about a Man’s Love: Recovery I

Post 2266 described the essentials of masculine love as it begins at birth before sexual interest and sexual ability develop. I described it wrapped in simplicity this way. a) He finds her likeable and wants to be with her. b) For insurance against competitors, he makes himself loyal to her. She sees that as his being in love, but it’s not quite. c) He convinces himself that she finds him extremely likeable. d) He confirms to himself that she’s loyal to him exclusively. e) He gently slips into the role of being devoted to her, which is the version of his love that she needs before accepting his proposal.

However, I also wrote, “I bypass the consequences of conquest as it may or may not affect the following.” Then, I was diverted and promptly forgot to finish the job. I offer this more complete series as recovery.

I choose to start over and summarize both the characteristics and essentials for successful sexual involvement in masculine love. I cover it in six phases: birth, boyhood, puberty, before conquest, after conquest, and after marriage.

BIRTH brings forth the ‘four-leg’ foundation required for a man’s love to be sufficiently rewarding that he bonds with someone. That foundation—mutual likeability and mutual loyalty—is required throughout life for manly bonding with others.

Of course the definition of likeability spreads and impacts every interpersonal factor between two people. More later about how both sexes benefit.

BOYHOOD brings forth the ‘four-leg’ foundation but in reverse. Parents through both actions and words convince sons that they are very likeable and that parents are loyal to boyhood interests. Sons respond by finding parents equally likeable and aim their loyalty toward parents more than someone else. Thus, a boy’s ability to love and the intensity of it develops to the extent that parental actions primarily and words secondarily confirm son’s likeability. (Girls seem to regard words as more affirming but they are sensitive to actions contrary to words.)

PUBERTY brings forth the reversal of a boy’s bonding sequence. In a months-long conversion of intentions, boys swing away from bonding as done in childhood. Developing rapidly and changing hormonally, they become far more independent and somewhat skilled at interpreting and shaping human relations to match their taste and intention. Claiming greater independence, they shift to bonding with whomever they find likeable and to whom they can be loyal. When ‘whomever’ reciprocates likeability and loyalty, newly bonded friends spread their wings and share feedback  with whatever arrangement they can develop through ever riskier adventures that bring both success and failure. They self-teach by taking advantage of girls without letting the girls know they are learning from the girls. (As girls go, so goes teen life and so goes society when they become adults.)

Simultaneously, the hunter-conqueror role develops and gains ever more importance throughout the teen years. The maturing boy becomes fascinated with sex and mission oriented toward conquests. He spreads his wings and interests to discover how to conquer girls. Through success and failure he develops a skill level that impacts his self-respect for later life.

Before conquest, after conquest, and after marriage follow at 2283 next.

2269. Compatibility Axioms #891-900

891. Nagging doesn’t get more offensive than that which tampers with his sense of sexual significance. [298]

892. Marital longevity shortens under pressure of sexually accessible women outside the home. The sisterhood’s sexual freedom thus devalues marriage. [298]

893. To satisfy their self-centeredness and exercise their will over others, women use conditional love to manipulate their man and raise their children. The effect torments everyone. OTOH, both husbands and children appreciate unconditional love, which they know they don’t deserve. When wife and mother provide it, she earns magnificence beyond what she deserves. [298]

894. The more that women practice masculine-style sexual freedom, the more dedicated becomes the sex-chasing lifestyle of men. Things both marital and domestic lose their allure. [298]

895. Trying to change a man sours his affection for whoever tries. Her pressure for more affection produces the opposite of what she seeks. [298]

896. After split up, she’s the only one qualified to tell her how wrong she may have been. But listening to others tell of things she did right eases her pain. [298]

897. When she abrogates her role as relationship expert, she loses strength for easing his dominance. [299]

898. If you fail to plan, you plan to fail. Finances—or more accurately for here, squabbles about indebtedness and spending—stimulate break up more than almost anything else.  [301]

899. Marriage vows express devotion to each other. Unplanned, unnecessary, and surprise spending and indebtedness can easily kill such devotion. [301]

900. The continual practice of spending less than income reinforces devotion to each other. Teamwork bonds. [301]

2266. A Man’s Love: The Reality of It

I define love as what holds them together as a couple. With her it’s emotional connections, obligations, and behaviors. With him, well…we’ll see.

I purposely bypass the importance of her attractiveness or the rest doesn’t happen. Also, I bypass the consequences of conquest as it may or may not affect the following.

A woman identifies the evident or imagined commitment and devotion of a man as his love of her. Men act differently. Not that her love isn’t appreciated, but manly love isn’t like female expressions of it.

A man identifies a woman’s love of him as the reciprocal of his love of her; it initiates in his heart and develops mutually or it isn’t love to him. His love is her likeability to him and his loyalty to her; plus his likeability to her and her loyalty to him. To his logical and reasoning mind, without reciprocity it isn’t his love. Also, he doesn’t remain in situations where his investment isn’t matched or bettered, so his love isn’t as anchored in deep emotion as that of a woman.

For a marriage to last, their mutual likeability and mutual loyalty should regularly confirm them as satisfied with their mating arrangement. It’s what a married man expects. It carries an ominous meaning for women unless they learn how to exploit their relationship expertise.

However hard and dedicated she tries, her love alone isn’t enough to sustain her marriage. It’s essential for her to show it or her love of husband fades, but it isn’t enough for him. Appreciated and perhaps honored, but not enough.

It begs the question: What else is needed? She aims her words, expressions of love, and other behaviors toward objectives that satisfy or confirm the following or at least don’t weaken or contradict them.

• Remaining likeable in his eyes.
• Keeping herself appearing loyal to him.
• Treating him as if he’s very likeable to her.
• Appreciating his loyalty to her.

All of which he should see in actions more than words. If she’s successful doing all that, he absorbs confirmation that their love is mutual and that he’s doing the right thing staying with her. Good return on investment of his independence.

Which of course begs this question: What does she get in return for her investment? Something other than separation and perhaps lifetime marital success. A better husband, which suggests she’s a better wife. Perhaps a man more enthused about family responsibility. Confirmation that her effort makes her important to their relationship. Being more easily loved and perhaps with a happier husband eager to display his affection.

The list could go on to greater satisfaction for her. She’s doing what it takes to keep her man directly involved in the mating scheme of life. It’s not likely to go wrong unless she begrudges doing what is required for success, which registers as her lack of likeability of and disloyalty to him and ends his love.

P.S. Men inherit at birth the way they love as described above. It’s up to the women in their lives—moms, chaste girls, bachelorettes, and wives—to teach them to love in ways more pleasing to women.

——

NOTE: There! It sounds again as if I alibi for men. No intent to do so. Just trying to figure out the truth of life. The more I figure out how men and women interact as couples, the more burdensome it seems for women. But, I’m reassured by this fact. It’s why they are the superior gender; they have all the talent, skill, and fortitude to shape their lives successfully in pursuit of their girlhood hopes and dreams. They just need to learn how to use their God-given, natural, and hormonal strengths.

Respectfully,

Guy

2260. Compatibility Axioms #841-850

841. When husband on his own senses that wife has an unresolved problem, his problem solving persona emerges. He wants to uncover it and help. But it may be a long time if ever before he detects she even has a problem. The female nature enables wife to help him sense it on his own. [286]

842. Her patience and soft-heartedness and respect and gratefulness for who he is and what he does show her understanding of him, just as he expects to see it. He’s much less likely to take offense about subjects sensitive to him. [286]

843. Devotion to her makes him want to pay attention and sometimes lavish affection on her. Thus, more devotion makes him more open to her wants, needs, and desires.  [286]

844. He expects frequent and convenient access to sex after yielding his independence for marriage. This may or may not make him devoted to pleasing her as she would like. Devotion arises outside the sexual arena. [286]

845. We can easily recognize that men should be more considerate of a woman’s sexual wants, needs, and desires. However, being married can interfere unless she accepts responsibility for sexual compatibility. [286]

846. The more she likes herself as a female, the more outwardly dominant she can permit a man to be, because of high confidence about ultimately getting him to accept her way about her needs, wants, and desires in their life together. [288]

847. Right doesn’t just arrive in her life. She turns the husband in her life into the right man, and the process lasts as long as he remains devoted to her. She adjusts their life together until they both age gracefully with him as her Mr. Right. [288]

848. Successful courtships belong to predominately hard-headed women who patiently and indirectly integrate two diverse interests into a bright future together. Virtual virginity best holds his attention, while she works the romance/affection scene into his habit and her advantage. [288]

849. In courtship it pays for her to have high regard for and associate with many other people—not necessarily dating though. He should not win her heart and mind completely until after they marry. The stick while courting, the carrot after marriage. [288]

850. Men grow their love for a woman from light-hearted feelings that he stumbles into—she’s attractive, fun, likeable, very respectable—and he slowly becomes magnetized by her other qualities. Such as Her Jewels as defined in article 59:

♥ Physical attractiveness marvelously enhanced by affordable attire and classy grooming.

♥ Sexual attractiveness enhanced by modest coverings to reinforce that other men are forbidden.

♥ Gentleness provided out of patience.

♥ Forgetfulness that follows forgiveness.

♥ Thoughtfulness that her mate deserves.

♥ Gratefulness for her man that shines as her being happy when he’s around.

♥ Submissiveness as her spirit of cooperation.

♥ Happiness that spreads infectiously.

♥ Joyfulness that inspires greater hope.

♥ Chasteness promised to him by modest display of breasts, rump, and legs.

♥ Generousness that smashes selfishness out of their lives.

♥ Delightfulness that makes him smile.

♥ Perpetual smiling countenance that shapes his comfort zone.

♥ Unselfishness that spreads as example for all.

♥ Neatness that inspires others.

♥ Goodness that sets a shining example.

♥ Faithfulness that inspires him to follow suit.

NOTE: Those qualities are born into the female nature, but most women are too busy, ego-stricken, or politically propagandized to use them. Of course her man may not be worth such effort, but it’s her jewels that make him the right man. It’s her behavior that makes him good, bad, indifferent, inadequate, or whatever, provided she didn’t mate up with a hopeless case to begin with.

2258. Compatibility Axioms #821-830

821. He’s never eager to admit fault about his sexual prowess. Nor should he be excused, but she ventures onto rocky terrain when she brings it up. [281]

822. Commitment to a relationship does not mean she’s cherished. Neither does commitment energize a man the same way or extent that devotion does. Devotion begins cherishment; the more he devotes himself to her over his interests enables cherishment to grow. [281]

823. Men can be changed slowly but don’t always expect success. They dig in their heels when not done with the respect they expect and the indirectness and patience that makes her seem to defer to him. [281]

824. Men may be insensitive clods to women. But they consider their manly sexual expertise and boudoir manner to be exceptional if not extraordinary. To them, it makes up for their shortcomings.[281]

825. Virtual virginity works better than bed-testing before marriage. It conditions his thinking that she’s highly sensitive and possessive about what she expects of him. [281]

826. Women make unmarried sex so easy that men don’t have to pay attention to her needs, drives, and desires. But doubts arise about her history and worth for marriage, if she’s too easily conquered. [281]

827. What one generation allows, the next practices. [284]

828. Living by high moral standards reinforces a girl or woman as right, proper, and courageous. Not living that way makes her easy prey for abuse by boys and men. [284]

829. If she’s easy with sex, she’s of doubtful quality to the Marrying Man. [284]

830. Morality serves women and children much more than men. Highly moral cultural values apply pressure on everyone to make society more female friendly. [284]

 

2254. Masculine Love in Six Stages

It’s another paradox of human nature. Primarily men are producers and women are processors. Yet, women can produce a loving relationship almost instantaneously while masculine love develops through a six-stage process.

Women tend to measure a man’s love by the way she loves; that is, displays of care, affection, and frequent confirmation of their importance one to the other with the firm conviction that words are adequate to convey feeling. Men don’t do it that way. Masculine feelings develop from and tend to follow their actions instead of either his or her words.

A man’s love of a woman is a methodical process that develops in six stages. First, he finds her likeable enough to be loyal to her. Second, he sees that she finds him likeable enough to be loyal to him. Third, he uses words to commit himself to court her exclusively (although she probably initiates it). Fourth, he frequently and repeatedly pleases himself by pleasing her with actions that reflect her importance to him. (She shouldn’t expect it to match her expectations for affectionate words and intimacy.) Fifth, after months of such actions that program his subconscious, devotion develops in his heart. Her worth to him rises and the possibility of having to do without her stirs his imagination. Sixth, imagined anxiety of losing her stirs him to doubling his effort to please her for that purpose rather than to please himself. Thus, he cherishes her.

All women want to be cherished, but some make mistakes that harm their relationship. Here are a few female reactions that sours cherishment:

• Being cherished is woman’s idea both in concept and whether she is cherished or not. Men treat their woman as it makes them feel good about themselves. If they enjoy pleasing her, then it could be devotion or cherishment but what to call it or what it means is of little concern to them. Bringing up such subjects turns men off. It’s too close to relationship management.
• He’s a pushover for what she wants or expects out of him. His cherishing her reminds her of puppy love. Too much fawning over and submissive to her, and so she loses respect.
• She feels deprived that signs of his love are not expressed as affection and intimacy. So, she seeks to have him change his habits. A man may change to suit the woman he cherishes, but it reminds that the most important person in his life doesn’t like him, which is one of the four legs that holds a man’s love together.
• She expects to hear more than she sees if she is so cherished. So, frustrations set in and she tries to fix it by pressuring him to be more intimate with words. It points in another way that he’s inadequate; few women can do that and keep their relationship.
• Being cherished is the best she can get out of a man. Does she deserve it? From him? Or, should she have chosen less of a man because that’s all she deserves? Guilt anyone?
• She doesn’t think she’s good enough to be cherished by him. Consequently, what should be a swollen self-image shrinks, her self-worth slides down, and she easily becomes depressed. It sends subliminal but undeserved messages to him that he’s less than adequate as her mate, which reminds that if not her, he knows he’s a good mate for someone else.
• She deserves magnificent gifts as proof that he cherishes her. She grows to resent gifts or signs of less value than she deserves, which makes those less than magnificent reduce his value to her, which rebukes his cherishing her, which demeans his efforts to please her, which makes her less likeable, which means her loyalty isn’t trustworthy, which kills his love.

If she expects to be cherished with words, she’s in for disappointment; men primarily cherish through actions. Loyalty earns commitment, which is foundation for devotion to develop, which morphs into cherishment if she provides the time and allows him to please himself by pleasing her. The greatest price she has to pay is to remain as likeable and loyal to him as he expects.