Tag Archives: devotion

2147. Three Little Words: How They Work


Those three little words are overrated. Oh, I don’t suggest they not be used. I suggest that due diligence be paid to the likely impact they have on the sexes, because they register differently both in delivery and reception.

A man’s words impact his mind but don’t program his heart. A woman’s words program both mind and heart. Her “I love you” leads her to also act it out, which reinforces that she does love him. It doubles the dosage of obligating her to him, because her heart and mind are much more closely interconnected than those of males.

Men are quite different in how they hear three little and other words. He hears them, but they don’t register deeply within him; they do little to impress him. His ears are not the sensitive and believable sensors that hers are. If her loving actions accompany or follow her words, then he can begin to believe her love. Men believe what they see and figure out; they don’t believe what they are told until they see evidence of actions that support and reinforce.

On the delivering end, a man says, “I love you.” It isn’t the same obligation that her words carry, because unlike women his words don’t program his heart. Unless his words originate with his heart as the result of his having acted over time as if he loves her, his words mean little although they may carry intent. (But what’s that old saying about the road to hell is paved with good intentions?)

That’s why commitment promised by men ends up disappointing women who act on a man’s words. Commitment primarily serves men, because in matters of love their words are relatively cheap while women value them the same way that women value their own words.

Manly devotion serves women, but it requires time, his actions, and her patience for a man to program his heart with actions that please him for pleasing her and that end up favoring her above all others. Her femininity, uniqueness, and patience keep him interested long enough for him to find virtues that accumulate into fascination and to whom he devotes his interest above all else. Then a man loves her (as women wish they would from the get go).

To men, words are for the purpose of getting what they want. They are hunter-conquerors and competitors. Words are their weapons when physicality is inappropriate; when might can’t make right; and when faced with feminine mystique, female modesty, and appealing vanity that they can’t comprehend much less understand well enough to compete for fear of losing.

In other words, the immovable objects of the dominant sex can be moved by the irresistible force of the superior sex when women pay less attention to masculine words, exploit their feminine nature, and induce men into figuring them out rather than the reverse.

 

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2141. Compatibility Axioms #651-660


651. Devotion is observable. He courts her delicately and doesn’t push too hard for conquest, because he’s afraid of losing her. [222]

652. Commitment is infatuation, lust, love, or maybe half-empty words. The only proof lies in the absence of breaking up. [222]

653. Promises make a risky commitment, as females see it, but it’s often better than nothing. Women crave to be cherished but that only flows out of a man’s devotion. [222]

654. Inspiring and energizing her man without de-motivating him is difficult. But a woman’s natural relationship expertise provides enough talent and skill—if she also practices patience, indirectness, and cooperation instead of competition about decisions that are personally his. [227]

655. Only one way exists to find out if a man is really after a woman for herself. Withhold sex until he proves himself willing and worthy by honoring her ideals, standards, and expectations that he give up his freedom just for her. [227]

656. Long-term marriage boils down to this: She chose him. She’s the relationship expert. Experts critically qualify someone trying to sell them something. Later, they make necessary adjustments to live with what they ‘purchased’. [227]

657. Promises and words of commitment fade easily under daily pressures. Acts of commitment reinforce feelings, promote permanency, and grow into devotion capable of surviving daily pressures. [227]

658. Some women learn the hard way. They dress erotically to capture a man and follow up with sloppy dress and grooming. Eventually they find that it turns his head toward other neat and erotically attired females. Other women learn the easy way. They know and avoid sloppy appearance and inattentive personal grooming at home and in public. [228]

659. Feminist thinking in the home inspires women to favor ingratitude for their man’s imperfections rather than gratefulness for his manliness and strengths. Eventually, a man tires of it, his respect wanes, alienation sets in, and disruption or departure follows. [228]

660. Women expect to kiss a frog into prince hood. Men expect their woman to elevate them from prince to king. Modern women fail to provide this second ‘promotion’. [229]

 

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2139. Compatibility Axioms #641-650


  1. Commitment is a two-way, negotiated exchange of obligations. Devotion is one-way verbal and physical communication aimed at inspiring two-way dedication. [222]
  2. Commitment is made with words. Devotion is observed through actions.
  3. Commitment promises togetherness with her. Devotion shows that she’s cherished and he’s dedicated to her. [222]
  4. Commitment may promise physical fidelity. Devotion promises emotional faithfulness, because she’s worth too much to lose. [222]
  5. Commitment signals she’s worthy enough for him at least for now. Devotion signals that he needs her with him for the long term. [222]
  6. Commitment’s promise of togetherness may last or not, because only time and future tell. Devotion to her lasts because his dedication shapes both time and the future on her behalf. [222]
  7. Commitment fades under daily pressures that eat away at promises and weaken togetherness. Devotion of himself to one woman triggers a man’s nature to provide and protect against life’s pressures; dedication determines his duty. [222]
  8. Promises require no cherishment of her at the present. His devoted actions and sacrifices show that she’s cherished. [222]
  9. Commitment leaves room to blame her for togetherness problems. Devotion bonds him more tightly and inspires him to blame everything else rather than her. [222]
  10. Commitment has no obligation to excuse his woman’s mistakes. Devotion finds excuses to forgive and forget her mistakes. [222]

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2130. Male Bonding


Sir Eric’s clear and worthy questions at 2127 inspire this post.

Two conquerors face off. He seeks conquest; she seeks marriage. The female nature is willing to change to conquer. But the male nature resists, resents, and even retaliates against changing to please anyone else and especially a woman. (We observe it in toddlers.)

Bonding arises out of the male nature only when tied to something of significant interest. A prospective conquest is of prime significance. Males thus face an internal conflict. To conquer they have to change to please a woman if she won’t easily part with her favors.

Women love and partially bond before conquest, and sex finalizes the process for them. Bonding is not necessary for conquest but mutual bonding is for marriage. Thus, another conflict. Lifetime obligations don’t emerge unless the man changes sufficiently well that mutual bonding occurs.

A man will change provided he has the proper incentive. His self-interest to conquer makes him willing to pay that price. He will change over time to conquer a resisting woman. He will teach himself to please her in order to please himself and vice versa. It starts as desire to conquer but morphs away from sex to her when her fascination and promise for his future outshine his desire to conquer. His pleasing actions become new habits over time and reprogram his heart into believing she’s worth it.

All done in hope of convincing her into bed sooner rather than later. His conquering motivations provide the glue, his actions clamp two self-interests together in mutual bond. Thus, it appears that he changes to please a woman but he doesn’t. He changes to please himself, to facilitate conquering her. Both are beneficiaries of the process that works in two steps when women hold out for marriage.

1) Frustration being the father of invention, men denied first sex together find words of commitment. Further denials of sex bring out greater effort including his conscience to honor his words and thus deepen his commitment. Such commitment, however, doesn’t hold nearly as much adhesive as does the second part of the bonding process which happens over more time.

2) Devotion emerges out of his continued actions that please him for pleasing her, and those actions program his heart with emotions that bond. (The deeper his devotion becomes, however, the more it shifts her toward the alpha role in marriage, which invites her to do wrong things and thus makes it easier for her to screw up their marriage).

Thus, if change is a trap, he’s self-seduced by desire to conquer. By withholding sex, a woman provides the incentive that drives him to change and become capable of bonding well with her.

When her actions work contrary to his intentions, his frustration for first sex turns into the pursuit of sex only and less interest in her. Consequently, her job is to keep him in pursuit, which calls primarily for no sexual relations. Remove that incentive and a man’s bonding is far less likely to solidify into permanent obligation.

I realize the real world doesn’t work like that today. But, I describe the nature of men and women that closes the gap between her natural inheritance to be compatible with a mate and his natural resistance to mate up permanently with only one.

 

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2129. Avoid Being Dumped


At post 1343 Her Highness Mia inquired “How can we avoid falling into the same trap over and over again … of getting dumped….” Gaining a man’s devotion and learning to keep it is the only insurance against being dropped kicked into misery.

Caution: A strategic plan follows. I have idealized how to earn a man’s devotion. Life isn’t that simple, however. Also, no plan works as written. You have to figure out what and how the principles of the plan can work in your life with your prospects. Relevant blog articles are cited and underscored.

A man interested in you will see you in two lights, sexual and emotional attractiveness. He will tend to stay focused on the sexual. Your job is to develop and keep emotional connections alive and well while he learns to see greater merit in you than just conquest.

  • Be yourself. Be honest and truthful with yourself. Avoid all phoniness regardless of what you think is happening. Be up front, blunt, and candid with him. He will appreciate it. (But not totally candid and exceptions of what NOT to disclose are described below. Definitions used here: Honesty means accuracy. Candid means full disclosure.) [HardToGet tops Full Disclosure!]
  • You’re the buyer, he’s the seller. Buyers don’t have to buy right away. He acts, you respond. You don’t initiate, he does. He works to please you. You respond to please him, but you don’t go out of your way. Reward him, however, for going out of his way for you.
  • If you can’t admire him for who he is and what he does, then you won’t be able to respect and be grateful for him. In that case, he won’t qualify as Mr. Good Enough unless you lower your values, standards, and expectations, which I urge you not to do. Better to drop him early rather than later. [Five articles listed in CONTENTS with Good Enough in the title.]
  • Always dress modestly and your gorgeous best when he’s anywhere near. [Boob Language in 25 parts] Smile a lot and especially at and with him. Show a lot of humor but not faked. Forget any purposeful sexual attractiveness. You can’t be extraordinary, if you dress, act, and look ordinary—and sexual attractiveness is now ordinary.
  • He never sees you excited with or about him. Stay calm; he’s just another guy but one of sufficient interest to perhaps be worthy of you. Emotions you reveal can be used against you and probably will be—not dishonestly either—to facilitate conquest. Full disclosure is out and sexual history—including virgin status yes or no—is your business and none of his. [Virgin? Keep It Secret! in 2 parts; Her Sexual History in 10 parts.]
  • Have moral, religious, and personal reasons for not having sex. Don’t explain yourself, however. You are just that way. You are living up to someone or biblical values or principles higher than you. Don’t use phrasing such as you’re saving yourself for husband, etc. You’re celibate simply because your conscience says to stay that way. The more you explain, the more ammo you give him to persuade you otherwise. [Virtual Virginity in 24 parts]
  • Forget trying to convince him of your love, or love conquers all, or whatever else your female mind can conceive as beneficial of love. It may not be meaningless to him, but it won’t carry the day, won’t convince him of much. Love just isn’t that important to how a man views his future with a mate. He sees your love in the respect/appreciation/gratitude you show—actions more than words—for who he is and what he does. [Love vs. Respect in 5 parts; Sex Diff. Redux Parts 18 through 28]
  • DON’T gift him with the expectation that it will gain you favor. Men don’t appreciate unearned gifts, so you gain nothing at considerable cost. Give simple and inexpensive birthday, Christmas, and especially Valentine gifts. He doesn’t rate Valentine’s Day nearly as high or important as you. How he gifts you, however, tells you a lot. Don’t cook for him except as reward for some special favor he’s done. (Should you marry, you want your cooking to reward him for providing/protecting and not his expecting it for just being the man you love.)
  • Be patient. You need many months to allow time for a good man to change to meet your expectations. And, he has to do it mostly at his own motivation and time; your role is secondary. First, he downgrades his primary interest in conquest to include stronger interest in you. Then, he expresses his commitment with words that brighten your future. Then, he morphs into a state of devotion clearly exhibited by his actions to please himself just for wanting to please you. Then, he finds himself deeply devoted, and it shifts his focus to the promise you hold for his life and ambition. Somewhere along that process, his devotion to you shifts conquest into second place on his priority list. (You go wrong to try to influence or expedite that process. So, be patient, yourself, pleasant, and likeable in his presence. Take your complaints and worries to the Lord—but not girlfriends or family.)
  • Practice the art of thanking a man without saying thank you. See article 2059. Men are Never More Handsome….
  • DON’T pay or split pay for dates. If he won’t, he’s not good enough. If he can’t, let him treat you at Taco Bell. How he handles money promises what your future will be like with him. (Men don’t change, remember?) [Single Women Don’t Pay in 3 parts]
  • Don’t bug him to call, text, or speak of his love. He takes it as invitation to change and men don’t change for a woman—except as each one becomes devoted through his own motivation and action.
  • Use indirectness to get what you want. Seed planting, hints, questions, and weakly worded suggestions. Neither describe nor ask for your expectations to be fulfilled. What he figures out impresses him much more than what you describe or request. [Her Indirectness Overpowers Directness]
  • Don’t complain about him or his habits. If unsuitable for your future, drop him. (If you accept undesirable habits now, you in effect are saying you can live with them. When you mention them after marriage, you give him incentive to dump you. You deceived him; he married a phony because he was okay before the altar.)
  • There is no Mr. Right and it should take months for him to prove to you that he’s even Mr. Good Enough. Convince yourself and reflect this attitude: He’s not REALLY good enough FOR YOU but you’re willing to spend time with him for the enjoyment that the two of you have together. Just to see what happens. You might make good friends someday; he’s worth that as long as he’s nice and kind. Don’t try to manipulate, just find ways to keep his interest up for many months. It won’t be easy either but necessary for his focus to shift to putting your interest first and ahead of sex. [Four articles with “Mr. Right” in the title.]
  • Don’t let him hear you complain; you’re already a winner so you don’t want him involved with the complaint side of your life—at least not yet.

He will press you to find weaknesses to get you into bed. You need months to delay bedtime together while he discovers qualities in you that he can admire. They become virtues to him. Enough virtues and you become fascinating to him. You need more months for him to see promise in you as mate to supplement his life and ambition. After that, perhaps, a proposal.[Men Self-talk their Way to the Altar]

 

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2117. Compatibility Axioms #581-590


  1. Too many women reject this truism for making marriage work: Before they marry he should prove himself worthy of her. That is, she makes him the seller and her the buyer. He peddles all his strengths. She evaluates his character,  prospects of domestic responsibility, and likelihood of delivery on his promises. After marriage, she keeps herself worthy of him. That is, she becomes the seller and peddles rewards for his husbanding and fathering. [206]
  2. Pregnant women look like men whose appearance they dislike or detest. They use tight clothing and masculinize motherhood, spread feminist fashion, and visibly brag to please women. Not sexiness, attractiveness, and femininity, not what men appreciate even with mothers. [206]
  3. Thirtysomething women without kids have no outlet for their mothering instincts. So, they parent their man. [206]
  4. Wives treat husbands much less respectfully than they treat boyfriends, lovers, and shack up partners. Two effects: Husbands dump wives more easily. Other men see what happens, avoid marriage, and opt for shack up. [206]
  5. Women condemn the male ego, as if they have none of their own. The feminist movement made the female ego explode. Activists took advantage and promoted one sex’s willingness to blame the other. [206]
  6. Men seek a woman that accepts him as he is and wants to stay. Women nevertheless think they can or should change their man. [206]
  7. Sex is the man’s game. Females determine the rules and officiate, but men always win. Only men run an offense and they keep the score. [207]
  8. Relationships crumble as so much unmarried sex cheapens fidelity, breeds unfaithfulness, and threatens each marriage. Yet, men are blamed for lack of character facing all those easily spread legs. [207]
  9. After a one-night stand, he doesn’t call. He claims he loves her, but he doesn’t. He pledges his commitment, but it fades. Except when teamed with a man proven to be devoted to her more than to sex, copulation just leads to more easily being ignored. [207]
  10. Sex attracts, but it does not bond. The higher a single woman elevates sexual freedom in her priorities, whether real or symbolic, the less likely she will find a man to spend the rest of his life with her. [207]

 

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2108. Soft-headed Sally


Women aren’t born soft-headed. Modern females’ soft-headedness leads them away from their best interests, into easy manipulation by men, and into self-delusion about the man each woman hopes to capture.

Soft-headed Sally thinks wrongly that sex bonds a man. She accepts a man’s words instead of taking time to judge his actions. She fails to recognize that he fills a different role, once they have sex together the first time.

SHS makes herself worthy of him instead of the other way around. She fails to call his bluff, when he threatens to drop her for being “hung up” about yielding sexually. She cannot separate a good man for carrying responsibility for others from a good man for fun and games. She cannot turn away from the self-centered man full of himself and venomous words that reduce her self-esteem and self-image and mine her self-interest for ways to make his life better.

SHS may try but is unable to teach young daughters how erotic attire arouses men many years older and may attract and easily incline some to stalk or become less inhibited about kidnapping, rape, and murder.

She fails to recognize that respect for women generally and deeper respect for his woman are the foundation of a man’s love of her. She cheapens herself by offering sex without his firmly committed obligations.

SHS believes in little except what others tell her, and so she falls for anything a man offers. She shapes her moral well-being around temporary feelings and hopes. She abandons the character shaping and guidance provided by God, religious morality, and her heart and will power. She is short of affirming self-esteem, -image, and -respect, so she cannot identify the lack of those conscience-shaping factors in a man.

She wants her own man so badly that she teams up with any male offer. She partners with a bad man and when dumped picks up with another loser, and then another…. She shapes her feelings around and with whomever she associates. She believes men are who they say they are.

She believes she can change a man, once she captures him with sex. She lives with endless hope that sex bonds him to her. She thinks that men are like women in their thinking, habits, and urge to constantly be together. She flaunts her co-dependency and faults her man when he has more important things to do. She too easily becomes jealous of the hold that his job has on him. That co-dependency is the enemy of their togetherness.

SHS calls herself victimized by drudgery when hubby fails to participate in household work, child care, and other domestic responsibilities and begrudges his independence from those things. And equal sharing of ‘drudgery’ is not enough. He should always do more. It’s not the work that puts her down but jealousy of his family role as lazy lounger when his workday ends. She can’t live with their different natures. The male nature makes a man satisfied with himself. After a completed day’s work, he turns to relaxation, rest, and restoration of energy for the next day. That, versus her female nature that urges her to brighten her tomorrows in spite of the endless string of things to do. He figures he does all he can today and will handle tomorrow whatever comes. She figures she has to plan/prepare for every contingency ahead; better to over than under prepare. Thus, SHS begrudges the side of her nature that directly supports her self-interest.

She is so caught up in romantic love that she lacks both knowledge and skill to generate a man’s enduring love for when romantic love fades. She assumes it fair and bonding to tell each other about their sexual histories, when she can do few things worse. It shrinks her uniqueness and fascination.

SHS fails to recognize that men evaluate her character and non-sex assets before they first have sex. Afterwards he pays less attention to what else she has to offer. (Hollywood and TV work diligently to hide this part of the male nature; they prefer to show the wishful but fruitless thinking of females. As a result, male dominance expands in the social and domestic arenas.)

She fails to comprehend that men as hunter-conquerors appreciate greatly that which fights back, must be wrestled under control, and ultimately yields to his courage, intensity, persistence, and imaginative design of ways to conquer. Sexual targets that do otherwise earn little or no respect from him.

She doesn’t know the steep price she pays for easily yielding sex the first time with him. Without making him work to be worthy of her, without testing him with everyday commitments, without making him spend time and effort in her company sans sex, she makes herself easy and his ego is not stroked with the joy of an earned victory. Easy-to-get sex earns her very little respect and even less holding power. Sex only satisfies his raw appetite. When his ego is deeply massaged by hunting and overcoming of all obstacles to conquering her, his self-respect, respect for her, and her holding power over him skyrocket. This still does not mean that he will stay with her, but she has no better form of insurance.

SHS cheapens sex by using it to capture men. This cheapens her. Men will hang around her until another sex target comes in view, and some may even go through the process of linking up, shacking up, and maybe marrying up. But, split up is not far behind the fade of romantic love.

Both Hard-hearted Hannah and Soft-headed Sally figuratively spit in the eye of their man. They feel pumped up with feminist theory and new ‘rights’ they now have, such as sexual freedom. Men buy into greater sexual freedom but not much else. Compensated with frequent, convenient, and unobligated sex, men go along for the ride. But, the ride does not include the respect, honor, devotion, and dedication that females expect to see from their spouse.

 

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