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1964. RANDOM THOUGHTS—Group 89


  • The ultimate goal of women is to find happiness. Not naturally endowed to know how to get it, they find happiness through learned behavior that stimulates the finding of causes and reasons to be grateful.
  • The endless goal of men is satisfaction, and their nature continually guides them toward it. Each knows quite naturally how to gain it through fulfillment of his many missions. Throughout life, satisfaction compiles into his sense of significance, which is to men what happiness is to women. His woman’s dissatisfaction with his satisfaction attacks his sense of significance, and he translates that as an attack on his worth as person, man, and mate. Enough of her dissatisfaction encourages him to change mates.
  • Men prefer to be admired, respected, appreciated, and loved by women and in that order of importance. Women prefer to love men their way, but female love consists mostly of what pleases her rather than what her man prefers.
  • Chivalry is virtue in men. Women admire chivalrous actions and men love it. Men love being admired by women even more than being loved by a woman. Chivalry is the manly result of unconditional respect of men for the opposite gender, which arises out of the unconditional respect of women for the male gender.
  • Just knowing his woman’s sexual history lowers her value to him. If he conquers after well-respected men, she gets no credit. If he conquers after disrespected or disreputable men, her worth plummets. Of course, it’s not fair. But a man judges a woman first by her physical faithfulness to him exclusively. If she didn’t wait for him to come along, his respect declines because she let those earlier men beat him. Men are in constant competition with one another. Men who have had her before him are men to whom he has already lost in the manly competition of earliest conqueror. It breeds an even deeper sense of loss if they ever meet and know of each other. (Present-day custom may soften the impact but the male ego suffers according to male nature more than custom.)  [121]

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1961. Compatibility Axioms #331-340


331. Women have to negotiate, trade off, and even ‘train’ men and their man to help pursue female interests. For example, she can rule the rooster, if she empowers him to rule the roost. [126]
332. Women for decades have proclaimed publicly that men are only after sex. For personal and political reasons, females rationalize that they deserve and can enjoy without penalty the benefits of the male nature. Those assumptions mislead women. They adopt masculine traits and habits and expect men to copy feminine traits, but the process breeds incompatibility. Men don’t change their nature. They fake what they have to in order to achieve frequent and convenient access to sex. [126]
333. When women don’t take advantage of their female nature, men respond unfavorably. When women don’t appreciate their femaleness to the fullest, men don’t either. For example, when women act like guys, men treat them like guys. If men marry guy-women, they don’t stay married very long. It’s very feminine females that make men take advantage of their male nature and shift responsibly into domestic compatibility. [126]
334. It happens after one-night stands or several dates. Women hook up only to wonder why his promised call never comes! The best odds for getting a call, for getting him to come back, is this: Refuse to hook up in the first place. [130]
335. Her mindset largely governs the ringing of her phone. It starts with the presence or absence of an attitude of gratitude about herself and her potential value for a man. If she doesn’t value herself highly, men won’t either.  [130]
336. If she’s ungrateful for herself and sees sex as her potential, she should expect booty calls. If she’s grateful for herself and sees denying sex as the tool for expanding her potential, she can expect calls to explore her other interests. [130]
337. Sex does not bond a man. It captures him until conquest and maybe a few more times. So, even when he does call after hook up, she may be viewed as potential duty slut. [130]
338. A woman holds a man by making him grateful for her in ways other than sex. This takes time and the delay of his conquest. [130]
339. To men after conquest, sex just happens, their relationship just is, and taking her for granted comes easily. Those are natural conqueror’s rights initiated by her yielding. So, her strategy and tactics before his conquest govern her life with each man. [130]
340. She may not know how or want to use it, but she holds the dominant position with a man until she yields. Use it or lose it. Lose it and she can’t use it. [130]

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1955. Virtues, Promise, and Mating


  • As women go, so goes society. When men do not admire feminine qualities, they see less promise in women as mates, they pay less attention to female values, standards, hopes, and dreams. In response, they dominate women and children more disrespectfully and aggressively.
  • Men appreciate but do not admire a woman’s display of her sexual attributes. Sizes and shapes may vary but every woman is equipped with the ultimate target for hunters. It does not make a trophy. Why should men admire what is so common? Consequently, her virtuous qualities far outweigh her sexual assets for both getting and staying married.
  • A woman’s need of romance is not a virtue; men appreciate but do not admire her need. Fulfilling romantic notions is more of what he has to do. It is seed planting, prelude, and foreplay and usually in that order unless a woman yields easily.
  • A woman needs both the warm mood and symbolic importance that romance provides; good results greatly please her. A man first needs the mood to initiate romance; it’s a way to achieve something else—please her, prove his interest, win her favor, enjoy her company, relax in her closeness, recover from his mistakes.
  • When she harshly expects her man to react to her or pressures him to get her way, she stifles his initiative. His resistance and the backpressure of masculinity uncover this truth. Her will to prepare (e.g., seed planting and indirectness) is more important than her will to succeed (e.g., competing and insisting too much). That is, if she hopes to succeed getting more attention, affection, admiration, and even romance,
  • Men may not admire neatness and uniquely feminine appearance at the degree that women expect. Men have different tastes, compete among themselves, and thus differ over what they admire. They definitely do not admire carelessness, sloppiness, or the lack of feminine traits.
  • Women tend to dislike this part of the male nature. To admire something is to want to possess it. In man-think, marriage enables a man to possess a woman, which enables him to take her virtues for granted. The more effectively she uses the qualities that he admired in courtship as her promise for a life together, the less attention she appears to need beyond the altar. He paid her price and now she is trouble-free for him. (Equal? Apparently not. Fair? Only if she finds balance in her gratitude for all else that he represents for her. Disruptive? Yes, if she is unable to find enough gratefulness to satisfy her mind and reprogram her heart. In his mind, he is not taking her for granted. He is merely trying harder to make himself more effective pursuing his various missions in life that include her well-being. If she expects him NOT to take her for granted, she should find a pre-conquest way to motivate him accordingly. Lengthy courtships provide the time to encourage changes in his expectations and for him to form new habits.)

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1945. Men Marry Virtue But What Is That?


A man marries for the promise he sees in a woman, which arises out his liking or loving her unique, persistent, and steadfast virtues. Women show off their best qualities hoping to find masculine confirmation. But the sexes both define and value female qualities differently. So what are virtues?

A man sees a virtue when he admires some quality in a woman. If he doesn’t admire a particular characteristic, it may be good but it’s not virtuous. It holds little or no promise when he’s thinking about a life together. As a result, the male nature impacts women this way; earning his admiration is more important than what women usually rely on to find, capture, marry, and hold a man.

A man admires her less obvious qualities. Surprise, surprise! Neither her sexual assets nor claims and demonstrations of female love are virtuous, however convincing or even sexual they may be. Appreciated, yes, but not virtuous. Both sexual assets and love are common and available from all females. And anyway, a man knows that many women should easily love him and his sexual performance; how can they not with all of his qualities, potential, and promise?

An exception exists. Rejecting a man for sex is virtuous.* His admiration arises when he’s exposed to a woman who claims moral values and sticks to her standards. Virtue appears as he comes to admire these qualities: her resistance as self-respect, rejection as self-dedication, chasteness as success, hope in men as faith in herself, and endless patience as the means of finding a man worthy of her. Admiring her determination and allegiance to brighten her own future, his perception of her promise as potential mate not only grows; it appeals to his nature and challenges him to try harder to win her.**

Consequently, a man doesn’t marry a woman because she loves him; it’s not even necessary as when a man falls in love at first sight. A man marries for the promise a woman holds for brightening the life he expects to live. Also, another surprise for women, virtuous excludes the promises women like to make to improve their chances.

Men judge on actions more than words. They especially admire these female influences in action. Her physical attractiveness taunts him, personality charms him, tenderness calms him, humor delights him, flexibility amazes him, modesty bewilders him, steadfastness strengthens him, patience beguiles him, happiness infects him, smiles please him,  inabilities challenge him, goodness outshines him, generosity shames him, joy lifts him, stifled complaints reassure him, respect exalts him, soft-heartedness impresses him, hard-headedness surprises him, cooking benefits him, housekeeping supports him, gratitude confirms him, dependency energizes him, manners settle him, mystique intrigues him, monogamy inspires him, and devotion disguises his failings. It’s not her qualities that generate her promise but his judgment that certain ones are admirable. It’s not her love or sexual assets that earn his respect; it’s his admiration of her qualities that  he allows to influence him.

After they marry, unfortunately, she too easily perceives that he takes her for granted. As she fulfills the promise he expects, he finds satisfaction in her virtuous behavior. After the honeymoon, his devotion shifts into another form. It’s time to live the life that he expects, and so he displays his devotion by producing, providing, protecting, and problem solving in return for her fulfilling the promise she brought into his endless but rewarding life of work. Being taken for granted, however, means her virtues continue to be highly valued and promise a good life for them together. If not, his dissatisfaction would be obvious, his devotion would be fading, and their mutual disappointment would be increasing.

When she displays herself in such ways and steadfastness that men admire her qualities, her promise as marital candidate grows in some man’s heart. Their natures work in harmony; she attracts men by earning their admiration and one eventually responds with supreme interest. If she continues her virtuous ways after marriage, he sees little or no reason to look for promise elsewhere. Why go through that again? Perfection is worthy of pursuit in many things but not in finding and keeping a mate.

Mutual admiration works much better to make marriage permanent. The mind and heart can’t disrespect what they admire, and a man’s love is based on respect. Hence, the more virtuous she appears to him, the more she’s respected and loved. It all starts with her virtues as perceived by her man.

——

*Explanations are provided in the Virtual Virginity series listed in CONTENTS.

** Nonsexual courting ultimately makes him a better man in her eyes. In the same process, his actions convert his heart from interest to devotion, which develops him into being more worthy of her. They both learn to rise above themselves to favor the other, which ultimately puts ‘us’ above her and her above him.

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1928. Compatibility Axioms #191-200


191. Both change after their first intercourse together. He changes for the worse for her; she changes for the better for him. She pays the price, but he gets the reward.  [101]
192. Men do whatever they have to do to have frequent and convenient access to sex. They marry if it’s not available outside of marriage, which makes it very normal for women to avoid premarital sex. [101]
193. Females are in charge and dominate the unmarried sex scene, until they yield to males and lose some respect and much leverage. [101]
194. Men marry expecting to dominate the marital sex scene, unless she conquers him for marriage before he conquers her for sex. [101]
195. The more that boys lose intense ‘battles’ with girls to get sex during adolescence, the more that boys respect females. They learn from being denied that females generally have other things they value, think, feel, need, want, crave, aspire, dream, and pursue and that grown men can respect. [101]
196. Girls teach boys to respect females or boys never learn to be female friendly except for sex. Consequently, women ‘inherit’ and must deal with whatever their generation of girls turned boys into during the hormone hurricane of adolescence.  [101]
197. Small breasts have great value. Proportionately the erogenous zone is more attractive and more easily attracts a man’s hand to tweaking and pleasing her instead of cupping or playing to please himself. [102]
198. Large-breast fixation in a man is just adolescence grown older, which makes enlargement self-defeating for women who hope to capture and keep the more mature man. [102]
199. Living with or chasing women with small breasts signifies the man is more likely to forsake adolescent immaturity and approach sexual activity more maturely.  [102]
200. Women are not ignorant about men, but much of what they know is wrong. They ignore the male nature in favor of expecting what women want to see and hear. With their natural relationship expertise thus weakened, they make mistakes dealing with their man. [103]

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1827. Sex Difference Redux—Part 75: Her Promise Outranks Her Beauty


Women fashion their appearance to always be sexually attractive. She expects to not only attract a man but keep him after their first sex together bonds them tightly in a lasting relationship. She hopes far too much and depends on what doesn’t work.

Men live contrary to that female expectation. The male nature treats women differently according to these groupings. 1) Sexually attractive and unconquered, which men incidentally see as beauty. 2) Conquered by him and he may or may not see promise in her. In either case, she no longer reflects the beauty he beheld pre-conquest. 3) Others of non-sexual interest that may or may not hold promise for him. They’re important, but we can ignore them here.

Before conquest, men see beauty and chase after sex. After conquest, beauty morphs into promise and men evaluate and perhaps exploit that. The successful conqueror sees promise in her for filling different roles in his life. He looks for and evaluates her promise as great or steady sex, booty call, steady girlfriend, have her live in, move into her place, supporter and encourager of his work effort, potential wife, mother of his children. If he sees too little or no promise of interest to him, then he finds an easy or abrupt way to depart.

The promise he sees in her is the final return on investment she receives for their first sex together. Pre-conquest, her promise was developing but subordinate to her beauty. Post-conquest, the promise he beholds dominates his decisions.

——

Men see sexual attractiveness as beauty. It lures and guides their hunter-conqueror persona toward first-time sexual relations with female targets. Hoping he will bond during sex, women misinterpret the result of conquest. Relative to her, the conqueror is a different man than the one who bedded her.

Out of curiosity to know her better in order to bed her, a prolonged chaste courtship keeps masculine imagination focused on uncovering whatever promise she holds for him. The courtship process enables her to disclose her character and personality for him to interpret and convert into promise for his life. She’s not the promise that she verbalizes.The more he figures her out for himself, the more impressionable and convincing her promise is to him.

Once they have sex together, his curiosity and imagination move on to other things in his life. Whatever her promise at conquest, it’s effectively sealed against further growth. Conquest convinces him that’s he’s right, and he knows the promise she holds for him.

Pivoting on conquest, promise outranks beauty. Beauty attracts but promise keeps a man. Those are the causes and effects that flow out of the male and female natures when women depend on sexual attractiveness to keep their man. It doesn’t work, because men are different.

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1799. Sex Difference Redux—Part 50: Conquest Changes Her Too


Two conquerors face off. From before their first date, he seeks to conquer her for sex. After a date or three at the latest, she seeks to conquer him for marriage. The winner becomes the major influence in their relationship.

A man leads two lives with every woman to whom he is attracted. He is one way before he conquers her. He changes after conquest (details at #1759) and shapes their relationship around ‘rights of conquest’ to which he is entitled by virtue of having earned it. (It’s his nature.)

The woman also changes after yielding sex the first time with a man. He exploits his conqueror’s rights and his attitude about subsequent sexual and relationship events surprises her. His unexpected change forces her to face the contradiction that he didn’t bond as she did. It forces her to change too but defensively.

His nature causes it. The ease with which she yields the first time tells him how assertively dominant he can be and how submissive he expects her to be. For practical purposes, it’s proportional. The easier she yields, the more submissive he expects her to be. The more assertively, reasonably, justifiably, and longer she defends herself and refuses his pleadings and threats, the less dominant he expects to be in her life. (She sends confounding and perhaps confusing messages but the overall reception by him is to consider her expectations superior to his conquering spirit.)

To delay his conquest, she repeatedly denies going beyond foreplay that she can handle. She teaches him to romance her, show affection, please her, and show habitual intimacy. Thus, she sets faithful and admirable examples, and he becomes an ardent fan of hers—provided he’s after her and not just after sex. (If he doesn’t act in adaptive ways to honor her expectations, he won’t honor her hopes and dreams later in life. The differences qualify or disqualify him as her potential mate; she need only decide which.)

After conquest, he assumes control of their sexual agenda. Some women ignore or rebel and try to work it backwards. They yield easily and provide sex aplenty in order to keep him around. Then, after marriage, they try to manipulate him by withholding sex. They make three mistakes: 1) Sex before marriage does not bond or hold him. 2) She is justified and expected to protect her assets just as he protects his freedom, so she’s free to hold out for marriage. 3) Manipulation breaks a man’s bond.

Sex after marriage is totally his due, because he gave up his freedom for her in exchange for frequent and convenient sex-on-demand. If she expects greater respect than having husband always demanding sex, she needs to earn more unconditional respect before conquest. What she earns then lingers within him, while the respect she earns after conquest is very conditional and easily fades (again, it’s the male nature.)

Males insist on sex without marriage, because impatience and reluctance to yield their independence flood the conquering spirit. By yielding too early, women go along to get along. Thus, they add strength and right-mindedness to masculine domination. Manly behavior is thus made easier and womanly behavior more submissive.

Women that yield easy sex trap themselves on this multiple lane highway of pain and misery: Hook up, link up, shack up, marry up, muck up, ‘fess up, split up, pay up, and end up looking to start over with knock up somewhere along the way. The path is direct; ignore the female strength of refusing sex to gain a better life and expect misery to follow.

A man’s admiration and unconditional respect for a female as a distinctly different sexual person stops growing after she first yields sex to him. The longer and more successfully she holds out for marriage before sex, the more admiration and lasting respect she earns from him.

Female misery for capturing a husband starts with yielding before he becomes devoted to her. Who does what after that is moot. Women still lose and click and drag themselves into the recycle bin, from which many never escape. (Of course men threaten to dump a woman if she does not submit. Extortion comes easily to men when pursuing an unconquered sex target. His threats, however, confirm that he’s only after sex and not her. Holding out during a long courtship is how she determines whether his true intentions aim for her or just for sex.)

Because sex bonds women, they mistakenly assume that it bonds men. His devotion to a woman developed through a sex-free courtship bonds a man, and marriage seals the deal. In the final analysis, men do whatever women require in order for men to have frequent and convenient access to sex.

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1771. Sex Difference Redux — Part 25: Love VIII (w/ Kathy Petersen)


Boyhood Features

The subject remains how men love differently than women. Boyhood shapes the man, and mother shapes boyhood when father is absent physically (or mentally a.k.a. disruptively for child-raising). So, for simplicity let’s assume a single mom with only one son hopes to teach him how to be a better man when he grows up.

Her female nature fully equips her with enough knowledge unless she falls prey to doing what sounds better than she thinks, what others claim to be desirable, or what seems to be popular. The farther she deviates from her feminine nature as loveable mother generally, nurturer during his toddler years, leader in the tween years, and coach after puberty, then the poorer the job she will do.

Anyone forced to compensate for someone else has a hard time of it. They often do what doesn’t work well. They try too hard. They compensate contrary to their objective. Without knowing it, single moms too easily end up pressuring boys into disregarding what mom tries to teach. As the result, boys are poorly indoctrinated about how to love and display affection for females.

So first, let’s examine the more unknown but vital features of the male nature that she likely faces.

  • This natural operant dominates the learning behavior of boys: What a boy is taught that makes him feel more mature than he expects, he heeds as adult-like, enjoyable, and memorable as part of life. What he’s purposely taught that makes him feel immature he absorbs as distrust and resents it in the present, disdains it for his future, suspects the motive, and disrespects the teacher.
  • When he senses pressure, the male nature rams a boy’s thinking into this mold: If you don’t trust me, I don’t respect you. Consequently, micromanaging a boy’s life too easily earns disrespect for mom. A bolder aspect of the male nature prescribes that someone not respected can’t be loved.
  • A micromanaged and overly supervised boy can’t grow with and falls behind his peers. Mom makes choices for him. Social skills don’t develop well, and extreme behaviors build up. Such boys are teased, mocked, shamed, and withdraw into themselves. They also tend to harbor great anger and even urges to violence. Mom trying to substitute for missing father can cause the same results. (Look for it in the recent shooting in Connecticut.)
  • The male nature is highly sensitive against being told HOW to do something. When told WHAT to do with respect added, males typically do it with far more alacrity than when told HOW. The value to mom lies here: Assign responsibilities to him but let him determine the details of how to do it. Slowly and indirectly promote his doing a better job until he’s proud and she’s satisfied. (Many micro responsibilities slightly beyond his maturity encourage development of his decision-making and self-confidence; the good mom puts up with poorly done jobs until his practice makes perfect or at least adequate.)
  • Other helpful features of the male nature appear earlier in this series starting at daily post 1764.

If the single mom heeds those male features in all that she does, she’s on the right road to teaching her boy to be affectionate with women later in his life. Also, by respecting and giving due regard to those male features, she loves him.

However, a loving mother doesn’t make her loveable. Many ‘unloveable’ actions must be avoided, which is the subject of tomorrow’s post.

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