Tag Archives: conquest

2262. Compatibility Axioms #861-870


861. Women expect men to hear what was never said. Men cannot, will not, or do not follow a woman’s verbal meanderings and impreciseness as other women can, will, and do. [291]

862. People miss a major point about teaching abstinence for teens. Girls firm up their confidence, expand interpersonal skills, and boost their relationship expertise by repeatedly saying ‘No’. Boys learn what’s permissible, acceptable, and valuable in the female world. [291]

863. Prettier women are treated better, and any woman can be prettier. Clothes and grooming impress both men and women. [291]

864. It’s rhetorical, but why do women try so hard to please men with sex but not please them with feminine charm, beauty, and strength of character that men admire? Men admire beauty, but they use sex and it’s a throwaway. [291]

865. Shack up as substitute or step toward marriage puts a couple’s destiny in the man’s hands. (Also, eighty percent of marriages fail after cohabiting.) [291]

866. The easier a man’s conquest, the less valuable to him is the conquered. [292]

867. Sex is an emotional commodity that works like an economic one. The greater the supply, the lower the cost men pay in emotional involvement, time, effort, and courtship expense. [292]

868. The conqueror thinks more about ‘me’ than ‘you and me’. Denial of conquest first shifts a man’s focus seriously toward ‘us’. [292]

869. Functionality and comfort dictate what men wear and look like except as female influence and expectations dictate otherwise. [292]

870. Pressures of Feminism force men to change their behavior, but it does not change their nature. Men resent, resist, and retaliate one way or another. Individual women reap the consequences. [292]

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2256. Interface of Natural Love: Compatibility and Mutual-interest


To describe a couple’s love requires that it be examined in three stages: foundation, two personalities, and individual self-interests.

  1. The foundation is how they are born differently and then come together. That natural interface is described in the previous article (2255).
  2. Rising above that foundation, two personalities must be compatible at the start or made so as their relationship develops. “Made so” implies that someone has to change in order to adjust enough to mix masculine competition and feminine cooperation into a workable solution. Men will change before conquest in order to capture a woman if she is more important to him than just for sex.

After conquest, however, instinctive male nature prevents conquerors from changing to please the conquered. So, each woman faces the frustrations of managing her sexual assets in such a way that enables her to integrate two diverse personalities into compatibility.

Moreover, women are blessed with sufficient ability. At birth they inherit an adjustable ability that enables them to achieve what they are after. Management traits of patience and flexibility that men lack (for dealing with women, that is) enable decisions wiser than his when she’s choosing a mate.

Simply by managing how competition about conquest morphs into cooperation without conquest, women can bring forth the blossoms of love in relationship development. The only requirement is that he pursues her for sex and she refuses until he meets her expectations for sufficient devotion to her above others. Without her love of him and his devotion to her, there’s not enough meat to share on the compatibility platter.

If she doesn’t ensure before conquest that he obligates himself to fulfill her expectations, then he assumes no responsibility toward or for her well-being. It torpedoes her ship, because the character, strength, and dependability of men is founded on personal obligation to fulfill whatever they consider their responsibility. IOW, making herself his responsibility is the essence of marital love, compatibility, and—up next—mutual-interest.

  1. Self-interest motivates everyone. Unless forced, people don’t violate it. Unless charmed by a good woman, men don’t yield their self-interest to hers. Unless passionate about marrying a particular man, women don’t yield theirs either.

Integrating two very diverse self-interests into mutual-interest is the work of woman. Only she has the interest, traits, and ability to merge such opposing and tremendously personal ‘belongings’. The ingredients that drive self-interest—e.g., tightwad, promiscuous, responsible, fearful, integrity, passionate, ungrateful, selfish, courageous, stubborn, irresponsible—are owned and difficult to part with in order to accommodate someone else’s ingredients that might destroy or infringe on yours.

Integrating two individual self-interests into one synergistic mutual-interest requires monumental and continuous effort. It’s a—and perhaps the—major reason women are so well prepared for it. And men are not.

God designs, Nature endows, and hormones energize man and women differently and they face love at the interface described at 2255. After they meet, just about everything else that has to be done is accomplished by the woman. She integrates their personalities into compatibility and self-interests into mutual-interest. Thus, she earns her man’s respect by achieving marital success, which solidifies his love because respect is the foundation of it.

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Blog 2252 — Her Wrinkles are Good


Her Highness Beloved at 2251 probably doesn’t realize she paid me the kindest compliment. She enabled me to think through a troublesome problem, that of wives blaming loss of husbands on female aging. I use facial wrinkles as the most prominent symbol that women use of their aging.

The sexes age very differently. For this article, I reduce it to two major causes and effects. She loses her youthful appearance and tries to restore it. He loses his sexual ability and tries to rejuvenate it. Out of shame, ignorance, and lack of concern of the other’s nature, they don’t try to compensate together but instead do unhelpful things for their marriage.

Sir Eric recently pointed out that men are primarily attracted to youthful looking females with narrow waists that produce an ‘hour-glass’ appearance. True, but those two factors take on a simpler role in marriage. (She’s already conquered and his urge to conquer others is quieted by marital obligation.)

Her youthfulness is a major part of the glue of their togetherness; it reminds him of his youthful capability or what he wishes he still had. She’s great to have around as reminder of what he once was and had for looks and ability. He sees her change, more from mature actions than appearance. Her wrinkles are not central, just a very small part of her morphing image. Nowhere near the importance that she gives them.

Nevertheless, she blames her wrinkles as losing her beauty and believes that he—were he not so considerate—also thinks the same. Consequently, women overreact about wrinkle development. They easily get lost hoping to find a way to ease their personal pain in hope of assuaging husband’s regret which doesn’t exist.

Her hour-glass waist attracts primarily for sex. Her body attracts his. She’s great to have around as reminder of what he once was and had in bed. Body wrinkles don’t interfere much with sex. The really important things to men don’t change that much with age: lips, vagina, clitoris, eyes, ears, hair, breasts, plus cute or appealing mannerisms she displays during sex. Body wrinkles interfere with touch, perhaps, but a man’s body is also changing before his eyes and aging becomes acceptable with adjustments to expectations.

The Wifely Dilemma. That’s the surface but not the whole story. It deserves expansion of thought because women use wrinkles as an alibi for being cheated on or abandoned. IOW, they let wrinkles motivate them to do wrong things for marriage.

  • Female vanity has a natural purpose. By paying close attention to making herself look her best, she learns to live with, deal with, and adjust to accepting the wrinkling that comes with age. The absence of daily attention, facial care, and mirror time turns wrinkles into a much bigger deal than warranted. (The more they are looked at, the less important they become.)
  • Youthful appearance attracts and holds a man’s interest because it helps justify loving her. Tiny waist attracts him sexually and sex with her confirms his continued interest and love. (Unsuccessful sex casts doubt on his decisions about loving her. I know, women don’t let unsuccessful sex stop their loving their man. But men love very differently from women.)
  • Gracious aging reminds a husband how smart he was to team up with her. She continues to be the gal for whom he gave up his independence. (When husband thinks about his or her aging, wrinkles play no part; too many other things are more important to the masculine side of married life.)
  • As couples age, other emotional connections develop and reinforce a marriage around other than youthful appearance. The sexual hopes and dreams of men do not age but their sex drive declines. So, late in marriage, a thin waist is more appealing to a husband than a youthful face, which means that wrinkles don’t damage the marital landscape nearly as much as overeating for many years.
  • The husbandly view of wives fits this model for life. When they met, he found her emotionally attractive, loyal and likeable as a promising fit for his personality and ambitions, and married her on that basis. Her sexual attractiveness held him spellbound until conquest and subsequent sexual relations reinforced her likeability. Simple, two factors. 1) Her loyalty and likeability confirmed his love and brought him into marriage. 2) Their sexual relations confirm his wisdom about 1).
  • As they age, youthfulness and waist size merge to become part of their relationship. 1) Her loyalty and likeability continue to hold him and wrinkles play no part. 2) Sexual relations deteriorate with his aging and he forever looks for ways to restore his vigor with imaginative prods to his libido. Her sexual ability doesn’t age although her interest may, which may discourage her from helping husband restore his sexual thought and vitality in bed.
  • Husbands neither dump wives nor chase trophies because of wrinkles, so wives do better when they rethink their relationship management style and practice and perhaps calm their ego in the process.
  • Men take aging as inevitable and wrinkles for granted. Of course, women can’t stand being taken for granted, and so they imagine all kinds of spousal discrimination as they pass through middle age and into senior-ville. It’s wasted effort; far better for wives to focus on more meaningful shortcomings that may have crept into their marital persona.
  • Women resent their wrinkles as taking away their beauty. Nature works quite contrary to that. It compensates and better than a face lift too. Men see it this way. Face lifts may remove wrinkles but they also remove lines that add character that nature uses to replace youthfulness with dignity and virtuous maturity. Men prefer signs of strong character to faux youthfulness. They can’t respect what appears to be phony and face lifts produce that impression however subliminal it may be.
  • Wives like to believe that men abhor wrinkles. It provides an alibi. Changes in appearance due solely to aging are beyond her responsibility, so she has an excuse for letting both appearance and relationship deteriorate as if caused by aging. She can blame him as finding fault with her aging and ignore the other things that displease husbands.
  • Woman-think does not make men think like women. That her appearance changes solely from aging means little to men. However, husbands begrudge bad habits that produce less desire for sex or that make them appear as suckers or worse to their masculine peer competitors.
  • If men ever claim a lady’s wrinkles to be offensive, something much deeper and drawn out over time is behind it; wrinkles are the facade. The male nature urges men to motivate themselves to move forward with what they have and not get hung up on what they can’t change. Aging is easily acceptable to men, although the male ego sometimes gets in the way of his aging graciously (e.g., outlandish mid-life crisis.)
  • If husband loves wife, her aging fits right in with his. He’s not going to cheat or dump her because of her wrinkles. Husbands dump wives because they lose their likeability and loyalty to their man. Just one example, he stays in excellent shape and health and she lets herself go to hell in a handbasket. It’s not her aging per se. It’s her unwillingness to stay abreast of his lifestyle—in this example—that means much to him and for which the relationship expert must accept responsibility.
  • Men expect and live easily with slow aging and deliberate acceptance. Except, perhaps, when their woman goes overboard spending hard-earned money—unnecessarily to men—for face lift and other appearance changes the pursuit of which changes her role in his life to that of someone he didn’t marry.

The Single Woman’s Dilemma.

  • I disclose a bias. I personally favor tummy tucks as more appealing to husbands and am against face lifts because they are more appealing to wives. To me, the former aids compatibility and the latter weakens it. Money spent on compatibility is more beneficial than that spent on the female ego. But that’s just this man’s opinion.
  • As for single women, I don’t fault face lifts. But women should be advised of this. To remove wrinkles for the sake of being differently attractive for the next guy can be beneficial. If her reason is to like herself better, it won’t be beneficial and she’s wasting money.

Pardon, ladies. I’ve made a bigger thing out of facial wrinkles than I initially intended. But I don’t have the time to shorten it.

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2251. The 2-year glitch, 7-year itch, and 20-year switch


This was posted 1/19/08 as the 65th on this blog. It’s not been changed here.

It’s a cinch. Three monumental events face each marriage. Prevention starts years earlier. Avoidance is difficult. Recovery makes the steep slope slickier, but it toughens mates.

The two-year glitch arrives quietly as romantic love fades away in a couple’s second year together. Both undergo transformation. If an enduring kind of love has not developed mutually, separation is not far off.

The foundation for the man’s enduring love is laid in the respect she has earned, especially before conquest, and her likeability as a mate. The base of her enduring love is the current and anticipated gratefulness for him and what he does.

The seven-year itch arrives when his wandering eye opens. Devotion to her and commitment to vows are essential for survival.

She’s in charge. Seven years earlier she chose a man susceptible to wander. Or, she chose a man devoted instead of just committed to her; a man with sufficient character to honor his vows.

The twenty-year switch arrives when he wants to start over and hopes to do so with a trophy.

It’s a dream he’s harbored for years, because his sense of significance has been fading, needs rejuvenation, and he’s just dying to prove it to himself with an attractive woman.

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2243. FEMININE


Surfercajun at 2239 inquired about feminine. Here’s my response.

We’re talking about men, so surprise, surprise. Feminine is not who or what she is, it’s who and what men perceive her to be. Which means she is whoever and whatever his curiosity, imagination, and conscious thought make her out to be. It makes sense but why do I mention it talking to women?

To make this point: Whoever and whatever you think you are, however beautiful, great, and praise-worthy you may be to yourself and those who know you, you’re still just a sexually available female to all men until you prove otherwise to each and every man who wants to bed you. Insensitive and tactless, perhaps I am, so forgive me. I’m on track to make a connected point.

Feminine is the totality of the female creature that serves to hold a man permanently. Not beauty, not sexual attractiveness, not career greatness, not laudable behavior. Feminine is most important because it includes the others in the male mind. Too simplified, perhaps, but I continue on track to the next point.

Feminine is complex to females but simple to males who visualize it in mind and heart; of course every man is different. Consequently, there are no perfect attributes that make a woman feminine. There are only attributes aimed at turning on masculine curiosity, imagination, and conscious thought that most likely generate the maximum interest in you out of every man. The more men attracted to you, then the merrier for you. It provides you with the greatest number of opportunities to find AND KEEP the man of your dreams. The more feminine you appear to each man, the more likely the man of your dreams will crave to spend his life with you. Men compete; the more one man wants you the more the next one does too. It’s up to women to make that last sentence mean HER more than sex.

Three main characteristics appeal to men. Feminine mystique, female modesty, and monogamous spirit. When her other features, traits, and behaviors emphasize those three, she shows up as very feminine to the greatest number of men. Examples follow of what each characteristic consists of in the eyes of men.

Feminine mystique. She’s so short of being totally understandable it’s not worth his effort to try; she’s acceptable as is. (Exaggerated, yes, but men don’t have to understand their woman nearly as much as women have to understand their man).

She’s an enigma, not the least bit of a male thinker. Unpredictable about even the smallest things. Composed when she should be upset. Upset when composure is called for. Independent on matters about which she should be dependent and vice versa. Curious when uncalled for because whatever was the matter is now resolved. Dumb about the simplest and surprisingly knowledgeable about the complicated. Surprisingly adroit when she needs to be, but not afraid to admit being uninformed.

Expresses her pride through mothering and nurturing and not through trying to outdo him. Doesn’t show off even when she deserves to do so. Can love even those whom she doesn’t respect. Can admire a man’s strength and learn to support or rely on it even after it fails him. Can forgive easily (he forgets to ask or notice if she can forget).

Can out-compete the toughest people but chooses to outwit and outsmart rather than out-fight. No one’s too big for her. She’s feisty but it’s a rare occasion when she shows it, because she’s so well respected even by fairly important people.

She isn’t hesitant; in fact she’s pleased to inspire him with a new hint of mystery. It prompts him to think. Why is a woman so willing to do what this wise woman recommends as part of being feminine. Superslaviswife suggests that women exhibit “An openness to new experiences and places that tells him she can accommodate him in her life. And an eagerness to share those experiences with him and be a part of his life.”

Female modesty. Under the guise of modesty, she controls her life according to her best interest. She looks and acts modestly, which means attractively with minimal attention to sexual features and the absence of sexually suggestive behavior. Fashionable and classy attractiveness signify that she’s unique, which is a logical step toward fascination.

Modesty is her most significant weapon of defense against masculine intrusions in her life. Such as, time to ponder elsewhere (powder room), break away from excess passion, turn a blind eye to offensive behavior, flee or slap someone when her sensibilities are threatened, and justify not explaining herself or complaining about others.

Modesty enables her to evade having to defend or protect her values, standards, and expectations. Thus, she can leave men thinking they have won whatever mental battle just transpired; she defers to him when he wouldn’t defer to her, which effectively steals his victory and adds further mystery to her. She’d rather retreat now and gain advantage for next time.

Monogamous spirit. His woman’s physical infidelity is the greatest assault on a man’s dignity, self-respect, respect of other men, and sense of significance. Every evaluation of a marriage candidate’s character, features, and behaviors is done with this thought top of mind: Will she be faithful to me? Until he proves YES to himself, he is unlikely to propose.

Consequently, a boyfriend’s interests and interrogations spotlight everything connected with her future faithfulness. Her appearance, emotion, behavior, and sexual history hold clues for his detection. When he’s not working on the subject directly, his subconscious mind is alert to things that might even hint at future unfaithfulness. Notice this, he’s not looking for signs of fidelity but infidelity. He accepts faithful based on lack of evidence to suggest unfaithful.

The feminine woman’s attitude includes support and clear thinking about monogamy, marriage, trust, respect, commitment, and devotion. It can easily shape his thinking to her advantage. Her support and promise of love means little for his assessing her for being faithful to him. It’s too easy for her to fall in love with someone else or have one still lingering in her heart. Men are not all that trusting of love and its promises.

Feminine. The truly feminine woman—if men were so inclined but they’re not—would regularly receive from every man she encounters compliments about subjects other than sex. Because men are so disinclined to compliment a woman unless they want something, women have to compliment themselves about their femininity (mirror time, anyone?), belief in themselves, and confidence they are doing right for themselves. With that foundation, women can much more easily attract good men and then weed out those who act in ways contrary to their self-interest. The Marrying Man likes to lurk until he spots the likeliest of candidates for his taste. I submit to you that femininity is his greatest magnet.

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2229. Compatibility Axioms #801-810


801. If not dumped after conquest, she’s somewhere between booty and keeper. Conqueror’s rights are stronger with the former. They weaken at the keeper end, especially if virtual virginity taught him to be fearful of losing her. [273]

802. Masculine-style sexual freedom empowers women for sex, but it greatly weakens their power to counteract a man’s natural dominance. [273]

803. Men marry the unique sex target attention-getter, but how long will it last? She lured with and put his focus on sex, and so many other sex targets pass by as she and their relationship age. [274]

804. Lower moral standards provide fewer opportunities and incentives for women to screen men and learn to better judge character for mating. [274]

805. Newly divorced men and widowers have to retest their mettle. Do they still have their studliness? Did marriage improve it or cause divorce? It makes a rebound target more easily disposable. [274]

806. Sex easily or casually provided makes a man also look elsewhere. First-time sex denied makes him focus on the here-and-now woman. Conquest is his strongest and most primal urge. Keeping him interested in sex that morphs into more interest in her is a function of her not yielding. [274]

807. Sex for couples just verbally committed to each other teaches men they need not devote themselves to one woman. Words are easily duplicated to another whereas actions are not. (Although bigamist-minded men may view that as a challenge.) [274]

808. The greater the prospects of being rejected by a woman of interest, the less likely a man will intrude on her privacy or what’s none of his business. Consequently, polite but not permanent rejection serves women to condition men to meet female standards and live within their expectations. [274]

809. If premarital, she’s in charge of both changing his conquering spirit and defusing his conqueror’s rights. Virtual virginity lays the best foundation. [276]

810. She craves attention and affection from her man to acknowledge her importance to herself. Her sexual preferences and expectations are less important. Given that men have affection delivery disorder, progress made toward fulfilling her basic needs may provide better results than judging against his sexual approach. (See 1755 regarding his and her A.D.D.)  [276]

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2172. Mid-life Dating — C7: Her Sexual Past


NOTE: During proof reading this sounded like an alibi for men. Not intended. I labor for truth and clarity and hope my writing confirms each.

Men don’t respect others until they earn it. Women lay the foundation for earning  masculine respect through usage of their sexual assets.

The male psyche is guided, albeit unattractively to women, by this conviction. Respect for females begins with respect for how they handle their sexual assets. It’s not the only but most important female behavior that impacts respect early in relationships.

The conviction is stimulated by the male primal drive to compete with Nature and men and to shape human events. Every discouraged conquest means a competitor failed, which adds respect for her. Every conquest means a competitor succeeded, which reduces respect for her. Marriage provides the only exception, because a husband earns his conquest; it wasn’t given to him.

The fewer her experiences and closer to virginity, the more respect is due a woman. His sense of significance is partially based on his ability and success of beating out his competitors for conquest or nearest thing to it. Men mostly fear insignificance. Discovering their woman to have been promiscuous activates those fears, and spikes his interest in restoring his significance, which could be at considerable cost to her.

Consequently, men have an insatiable appetite to know their woman’s sexual past. However, the more details they hear about, the more details they want. It becomes ‘not enough’ once she starts to reveal her history. As she describes whoever and whatever preceded him, his curiosity grows to determine how many, meaningful, lovingly, and legal were her experiences.

He’s really in pursuit—however clouded by disguised intentions—of how his performance ranks in her mind and heart relative to his predecessors. He starts from the conviction that he’s by far the best lover, and so every revelation of hers that enables him to think otherwise sinks their marital ship just a little deeper in the waters of separation. A man can’t live very long with the thought that his woman thinks more of another man’s sexual abilities. He can even be jealous of a dead husband.

Modern women have had enough sex partners that it clouds future relationships. A woman’s next man wants certain reassurances that flow from knowledge about her past. She may provide it, she may withhold it, or he may find out from others.

Political activists and political correctioneers declare it unfair. Her sexual history is none of his business. However, modern sex practices change the dynamic of what’s best for each woman with each man.

Her man wants to know her past. He knows she’s been active. So, he probes until she reveals the details. Even counselors preach mutual candidness. That does not make it good, only acceptable to continue whatever relationship they have.

Advantage accrues to her, if she can keep her sexual history secret or as nearly so as possible. The less he knows, the less he can judge her in jealous or other incidents. The fewer the details, the fewer the thoughts that energize more inquiry. The less he knows, the less he can use against her in future squabbles.

The more he knows, the more likely he will make her pay some price for her past. She may never know or understand what’s happening. Yet, her man may strike back because of her earlier sexual events. It takes very little for reminders of her past to grow into self-generated humiliation for him. Her history affects his sense of significance, whether she knows it or not, accepts it or not. And he’s always eager to restore any loss to his sense of significance; saving face, as it were, by blaming her. 

 

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