2649. — Strategy for Courtship — 03: The Process I

Her Highness Msarianne inspired this article. She asks at post 2270 how a lady can get a man to feel [a very exciting] sort of love toward her.

A lady can’t, but the subject makes a good beginning to the courtship process.

He’s in charge of concluding that he’s in love. Also, he recognizes that he’s already qualified to satisfy her wants and needs. A man has to fall in love by himself, but it arises out of who she is, what she does, why she does it, and how she handles him.

WHO. To him she is always very attractive, more than most gals. She possesses qualities he can admire as virtues. She is confident of her feminine self. Independently and with determination, she enjoys her likeable personality and guards her roles in life that reveal no desire to be like a man. She’s different and proud of it.

WHAT. She is an imposing character/girlfriend/woman in his presence and one of whom he’s proud when among other men and women. He enjoys her company more than that of others and often prefers it to his own. She earns his respect as woman and potential mate, and she does it primarily by refusing conquest and secondarily by her accomplishments that he can admire. She doesn’t try to convince him of her love; honest attempts by her too easily make him think she’s desperate, which undermines his respect of her.

WHY. She focuses her attention on what he does and especially on what he says. She listens so attentively that he admires her good taste and judgment. She tempers any contradictions she might have with the charm of an ardent supporter but with an ounce for him to reconsider. He may be off base, but she doesn’t tag him out.

HOW. She treats him as her king without explaining, complaining, or disclosing why she feels that way. She lets her actions speak. She has a special way of eliminating his fears of losing her but not his doubts about it. She doesn’t let him be certain that she is his. She observes and encourages his devotion to rise out of his actions taken for the purpose of pleasing her. She keeps disappointing events to herself except those that shock her or may disqualify him.

He figures out all those things without depending on her words to convince him. IOW, it’s not what she says but what she does. From which he concludes not only that he likes her but wants more of her charming ways and feminine style in his life. Captivated by her likeability and presence, he wants more of it.

Women should aim their ambitions toward those points above, and slow their eagerness to bring three little words into play before the guy does. Even after he claims to love her, she should not confirm her own love until he proves it with actions that match his words. It takes several or many months for a man to determine that he wants her more than he wants sex with her. The difference becomes evident to him as his devotion grows, and she becomes more attractive or important than his single life.

In summary, she is hard to get both sexually and otherwise. Never a sure thing, she always encourages his effort to win her hand—even if she has no intent to marry him when they start going together.


Filed under courtship, feminine, How she wins, marriage, sex differences

2648. Strategy for Courtship — 02: Beliefs (cont’d)

Undeveloped and mistaken beliefs hold women back and let good men get away. To masculine eyes, poor attitudes flow out of women who stick to pop culture and feminist values, standards, and expectations. The roots of female common sense follow below. Each item affects relationship development throughout dating and courtship. The list that began at 2647 continues.

4. It grows in popularity. Men are to blame for women’s problems. However, it’s all leftist inspired in a political strategy designed to pit gender against gender, group against group. God designed men to be the ‘friendlies’ of women—providers, protectors, producers, and problem solvers—and well prepared to be recruited to serve women raising kids. If all men are not viewed as friendlies by the gal looking for a sweet courtship, she’s unlikely to fulfill her hopes. What man can believe in a woman’s love, if she thinks other men are bad or enemies? It’s hard to believe that he’s as unique and worthy as she claims, if she tries to convince him with an attitude soured by blame.

5. A lady said this, femininity adds color to a man’s black and white world. Feminine comes from a woman’s belief in her heart that opposite of masculine is best for her. Examples: She exploits her natural modesty to get her way. She refuses to stay around man-talk and boyish behavior. She favors monogamy. She trusts men and her ability to keep them in line. She insists that her natural sensibilities not be offended by guys; i.e., shut up or leave. She knows her competition for a man is other women. She dresses to show off physical rather than sexual attractiveness. She paints her toenails. She brightens her countenance with red lipstick. She demonstrates modest taste in making herself physically attractive all the time and not just for dates. In short, she’s as opposite of men as a female can distinguish herself in good taste. It’s her non-masculine uniqueness that appeals most to men and virtuous to those seeking to marry.

6. Men seek to marry a virtuous woman, but what is virtue? Not what your mother taught. Basically, it’s anything about a gal that a particular man admires. Thinking in background, men prioritize virtues. Each woman possesses sexual assets and has potential, but a man’s admiration depends on her overall attractiveness and his imagination. He can admire her assets with just the thought of exposed breasts and groin area. Second virtue, she has not been conquered except by a husband and even that is one strike against her. If available to other men, it had better not be many and none that he knows or will likely encounter—could be second and third strikes. Third virtue, all her other qualities that he admires, mixed and combined into who she is and what she looks like. Of particular value are the feminine qualities that make her stand out among her peers and attract other men such that his competitors envy his ability or potential to conquer her. The first virtue is instinctive, second is highly desirable, and third is a collection that accumulates into total worth as each man sees her differently. Then each man makes his own determination of whether she’s virtuous enough to marry or not.

7. The foundation of a man’s love is his respect of her. Women have two ways of earning a man’s respect and by far the first and best is this: She refuses conquest and his respect grows for her holding out over time and against his persistence. Withheld long enough, his respect strengthens unconditionally and lasts for life (even though marriage may not) by her defeating his most primal sex drive. After conquest, she earns his respect with accomplishments about which he can admire her, but it’s conditional respect and unlike the former. It reinforces, however, whatever self-respect she has already earned and can strengthen his love.

The seven principles above, when accepted as beliefs, work in background to shape a woman’s attitude. Having an attitude highly admired by men helps in the process of both dating and courtship. The process is next.


Filed under courtship, feminine, How she wins, marriage, sex differences

2647. Strategy for Courtship — 02: Beliefs

I know most of you gals look for WAYS and WHAT to do to improve your relationship record; e.g., rules. I think the WHY and HOW you do something is more essential for success; e.g., mindset. So, I now focus on tying some things together before we get to the details.

Why aren’t modern gals more successful with men? When specialists can’t succeed in their own specialty, i.e., relationships, their attitude reflects a mindset that more responsibility can improve. Modern-day relationship specialists ignore their natural talent, ability, and attraction and believe things that hurt their cause.

Change one’s attitude and they change their life. But nobody wants to change their attitude. It’s too personal; it reflects who they are. Furthermore, one can’t just up and directly change what’s in their heart. It has to be replaced by another attitude that arises out of a different belief. Replace one belief with another and one’s attitude changes.

So, I shall not encourage you to change and make your life better. Instead, I’ll describe what’s inside you, several beliefs different from those you carry around hunting a good man. You can decide if and how you want to believe any of the following.

Undeveloped and mistaken beliefs hold women back as they try to embolden men to pursue them in courtship. Poor attitudes flow out of women who stick to pop culture values, standards, and expectations. The following are roots of female common sense for dealing with men.

  1. Being the relationship expert, each woman is responsible to prompt whatever manly behavior supports and energizes one man’s pursuit of her. IOW, she does whatever prompts him to earn her and not the other way around. She leads indirectly as if in background mode, gives up little for nothing, appreciates his investment of himself in her, but doesn’t reveal that she’s similarly invested. Without accepting full responsibility for relationship success and failure, she doesn’t learn from relationship turmoil or failure. It’s too easy to blame the guy, especially the one who dumps her, and it closes her mind to self-improvement.
  2. Women are born to be good and motivated to do good. They confirm goodness by doing good, and it makes them more appealing and worthy in the eyes of selves and others. Especially men, who are born with the ability to do good but not motivated to be good. Any drive to be good interferes with their competitive drive to get what they want. It takes a good woman to influence a man to exploit his ability to do good, usually to please her, and thus he too becomes good. Women don’t talk about it, but it underwrites the hopes and wishes they have of improving their husband over the years. His doing good makes her even better. Seldom does a woman seek to make her husband worse than he already is in her eyes. It all, however, begins in courtship; if she isn’t good and tries to do good, her credibility does not convince him to follow her example.
  3. The natural and excited urge of females to share their love motivates a gal to spread her words of love and affection. It’s a mistake in courtship. Men don’t appreciate unearned gifts. Consequently, her freely given love earns her little or nothing in return. In dating and courtship, she should make pursuers earn her loving words. Far better for her to make guys earn every little favor she shows them. Everything is to be earned, if she is to be won; e.g., third date before first kiss; avoid passionate moments until she decides; his devotion appears before she offers those three little words. Her affectionate actions convince more effectively that he’s truly loved; much better than her words of love. It works because guys believe what they figure out more than what they are told. It also self-encourages them to try harder to impress or please her, and their actions program their heart to favor her more over time, and out of which arises his devotion. Men don’t just walk away from their lengthy investments, so time encourages his greater investment, tendency to bond, and devotion development.More common sense about virtue, femininity, respect, and political opposition follow next.


Filed under courtship, Culture & Politics, Dear daughter, feminine, How she wins, marriage, sex differences, The mind


It’s so easy to love you gals. You’ve earned my respect and I’ve invested nine years in you. You deserve it, or I wouldn’t be here.

My hope is the man in your life admires your feminine qualities, adds up your virtues into virtuous enough for marriage, and finds you supercalifragilistic- as a wife keeping her man satisfied with his -expialidocious self. Swell matched couple, huh?



Filed under Uncategorized

2645. Strategy for Courtship — 01: Introduction

Dating and courtship can be defined and described many ways. The battle of the sexes revolves around both sexes being born to get their way with the other. I write about the version that empowers and enables girls and women to get their way and make guys appreciate the feminine way.

This is the major battle. Whoever gets their way—the guy to achieve conquest without future obligation, or the gal to achieve marriage without yielding—wins. When the guy wins, the gal may or may not win depending on his decision before conquest. She can end up as keeper, booty, or disposable.

I write about courtship without sharing sex. If you find no interest in dating and courting that way, you may still uncover in what follows some insight into why gals should not relinquish courtship governance to guys. Example: Feminine qualities are admired by men as virtues. Her greatest virtue is possession without use of sexual assets. The more and better she withholds them, the more and better a man respects and admires her. A man’s love is founded on respect of a woman, and so keeping her legs crossed earns a guy’s respect, admiration, and whatever love he develops associating with her. With legs crossed, women can get their way. With legs apart, guys don’t bond as women expect, and gals lose their courtship supremacy.

Men are motivated two ways. When they can’t conquer a gal, they can get serious and even dedicate themselves to chasing her until she yields. The longer he pursues her, the more he invests himself with actions that program his heart in her favor, and men don’t easily walk away from lengthy investments.

When gals yield the first time, that guy is free to chase others. It’s not her or her fault, it’s his nature to conquer every attractive female that will have him.

A woman is best served by this courtship strategy: He chases and wins her without access to her sexual assets until they marry. It may not always play out that way, given the pressures of passion and pleasures of sex. The longer it plays out that way, however, the greater his investment of himself in her interests. By far, it’s the superior strategy by which the superior gender can handle the dominant gender and promote the female’s  self-interest.

Why is that? Because a man changes dramatically as the result of conquest. It’s not her fault but his two sex-drive nature. All she did was yield out of love, wish to satisfy him, and hope he would bond. He doesn’t bond, he admires and satisfies himself with accomplishment, and her risk skyrockets of doing without him.

Hardwired this way from birth, conquest releases him from chasing her, and he becomes free to chase another. He may dispose of her as inadequate for him. Or, he might choose to stay with her, if she has earned enough of his respect and interest for proceeding together as either booty or for long-range mating.

While not a popular strategy today, the one I propose above flooded the social marketplace back in the day when most men sought to marry and settle down with a good woman. We can’t turn back the clock, but the foundation of men seeking to marry a good woman is founded on the respect a woman earns by possessing a great virtue and withholding it until a man invests himself sufficiently to step up and meet her expectations.

If a woman can’t learn to get her way in courtship, she’s short of what it takes to get her way in marriage, where men want little to do with managing the domestic side of living together.

While not nearly as impressive as crossed legs for shaping manly attitudes, women are blessed with characteristics that generate attractive and feminine attitudes for men. It’s next.


Filed under courtship, Dear daughter, feminine, How she wins, Jr., old school, sex differences, Sociology 101

2644. Affection for Intimate Moments Only?

Her Highness Sarina inquired with a subject I pondered for several years. The bold questions are hers. (Courtship series promised but not yet ready.)

“Sometimes I wonder: should wives keep affection strictly for intimate moments only?”

Yes, mostly, except for wise women who work their feminine talent to get it more often as shown below. She lives for moments of affection and intimacy and reaches for it with hugs, kisses, and words. Although he may have developed an expectation in childhood, he isn’t born with the need of affection and intimacy, which makes its importance relative to what’s on his mind.

“Are men irritated when wives constantly hug and lavish them with sugary words?”

Yes, but not for the reason you might expect. Hugs and sugary words are enjoyable, confirm his importance, and can lead to sex. It’s irritable for two reasons. 1) Men don’t like surprises, even small ones from people who ought to know them better. 2) Her timing disrupts his preoccupation with something else that to a man is usually more important than affection.

Men are in thought processes constantly and affection plays a tiny if any role. Thinking preoccupies them. Even sitting around and apparently unoccupied, they think about accomplishments, ambitions, plans, jobs, intentions, their competition, what to do next, and other ways of earning self-admiration. Their first and awesome responsibility is to stay on top of their lives with those in it and to do what’s proper and necessary. Hugs, sugary words, and proactive displays of affection are not part of that mental agenda, except when men want something. Thus, interruptions are usually unwelcome.

Even worse, interruptions can irritate. Couples usually learn to live with irritations. This is hard to imagine, but couples come in every version possible. When interruptions of hugs and sugary words register as irritation, her likeability can deteriorate in his mind. Enough deterioration and his love begins to wilt. Too many interruptions aka surprises to fill her bank of convictions that she’s important to him, and she may push him away. A better way exists to draw him into her feminine web and displace interruptions with desirable consequences.

Women instinctively know a better way; they simply rely on female strengths to get their way. Following is a good example of how to get her way and keep him satisfied with her.

Developed into a habit with feminine qualities, the following actions can add pleasure to a relationship. The habit of predictable and pleasant behavior comforts a man, and a comfortable man is usually a satisfied man, at least for the moment or more.

SITUATION. They are married. He currently reads the paper, sits on the lawn mower, watches his favorite team on TV, or whatever. She knows he’s thinking about something other than affection, love, or intimacy unless sex is also involved and maybe not even then.

In the kitchen, sensing the uncomfortable return of an all too familiar negative moment, she finds deep need for a hug or kiss to confirm her importance. Or, to express her gratitude for him. Or, she just wants to tell him how she feels. Or, she seeks to reward him for pleasing her. Or, she just wants to share her love. For whatever reason and out of the blue, she needs a ‘fix’.

ACTION.  She goes and stands quietly next to him until he looks at her. She asks if she can enter HER cave for a short visit. On his affirmative, she plops in his lap and snuggles for her fix. She planned it before and she makes him laugh, somehow, before she rises.

ROUTINE. By making that her standard habit, she reinforces these matters each time she needs a fix:

  • He is neither interrupted nor surprised. He knows what to expect. Being able to predict what will likely happen confirms that he gets his way. It has a comforting side to it.
  • She gets her way by using feminine charm that makes him smile. She outwits him by doing things as he likes them, which he appreciates.
  • She confirms her respect by getting permission to enter her cave. She shows her dependence on him to provide her fix. Two of the more valuable expression of her gratitude she can make to convince him that she remains likeable and he chose correctly.
  • She gets her fix beneath the umbrella of his smile. Matching smiles do a lot to harmonize mutual likeability.
  • She leaves him laughing, which adds to her likeability, his comfort, and their fun of sharing affection.
  • He can learn to like affection and such interruptions, when she doses the situation liberally with those itemized bullets above and other feminine qualities that he admires.

After a few such episodes, he figures from her uplifting actions that he doesn’t doubt his kingpin role in her heart. Moreover, he concludes that she has both entertainment and comforting qualities not previously displayed and for which he can both admire and respect her. Taken together, those are satisfying thoughts about his wisdom for having proposed they marry.


Filed under feminine, How she wins, marriage, sex differences

2643. Good Women Lose Their Way Getting Their Way — 07

I expect this to be the last article in this series. Making courtship simple should follow.

NOTE: Throughout the series I purposely ignore the modern female attitude that men are no good or to blame and are, therefore, undeserving of a woman satisfying a man. If you have that feminist ‘disease’, you may just as well quit reading now. A major obstruction to marital success is that politically-planted, now-almost-universal belief that men are the problem. Either that belief dissolves in your mind, or marriage with you will dissolve in his heart. You can’t satisfy a man while you have him dangling on the blame hook. So for what is he to blame? What’s more important? Keeping him, proving yourself right,  expressing your opinion, or just letting him know how you feel?


In Navy boot camp, we recruits learned: There is the right way, the wrong way, and the Navy way. After 66 years I pass it to wives like this: There is the right way, the wrong way, and the proper way in marriage. Proper, meaning that wife defines it and imposes it to the extent she finds it possible for herself, practicable in their life together, and satisfying to husband. Caution: Her insistence applied to his face threatens his satisfaction; she’s smoother than that.

Men ‘hire’ a wife to handle domestic matters of living together. Without standards that don’t vary according to her emotions of the moment, then her expectations will rarely be met especially after children start arriving.

The proper way has its own wifely motto from which dangles the key to marital success introduced at 2636. A strategy follows; each woman has to develop her own tactics that breed success for her and her man.

MOTTO. Love is great, but keeping husband satisfied is both easier and works better to get my way. I can’t insist, I have to be smooth. Work smarter, not harder—after all, it is a job, my job when I marry.

KEY. Retire your courtship thinking about how more or greater love cures relationship ills. Forget your intentions to directly love your husband into marital bliss; men are not good at romance and smother love especially is wrong-think. Love him more indirectly and it’s easier for you too, unless you can’t accept responsibility for the wife’s governance role.

Convey your love by showing and building a good life that wedges him into your design and plan to fulfill your dream of life together. You do it by keeping him satisfied with both you and living with you. In the meantime, you get your way on your own, or else you earn it in the domestic matters that make up your domain. His signs of satisfaction dispense freedom for you to proceed.

I exaggerate these points just for effect: Focus more on loving what you do than loving him directly with physical affection. Monitor his feedback for satisfaction, which keeps you alerted on how better to get your way on pending matters. In the first few years he may never be satisfied, but it’s no reason to give up. Getting your way on A may be much harder when he’s dissatisfied with B, so satisfy first his concerns about B and then address A. Your likeability at a given instant, and his willingness to yield to you, can depend on his satisfaction at that moment and may depend on something other than you, such as his job. Focus on how you love to brighten your future together, set standards for domestic life, eliminate relationship hazards, harmonize family relations, and glue your relationship with feminine leadership that isolates him in the center as virtual king—crowned by his satisfaction with himself for having chosen you. Don’t treat or make him sound like a king; let him conclude it from your actions more than words. Learn to love doing all those things more than showing your affection and direct love of him in daily actions. Lastly, hurts not intended as such can be overlooked when one has faith in the offender; the right of kings empowers them to speak before thinking, so not all negatives should be taken personally. (This paragraph is exaggerated purposely; it’s the right play book but written in overly pessimistic and optimistic terms.)

Neither life nor love works with boys and men as girls and women like to think. Instead, you should work on the home, your relationship, and life’s happenings in such ways that you keep husband satisfied rather than just loved; it enables you to more effectively handle the masculine nature. IOW, put yourself in charge of everything but his job, his ‘territorial’ and other interests, and whatever he seeks to be responsible for—that is, his domain. Use love more as tool than glue. Focus your love on finding and being grateful for what you do to make home and marriage work. Please yourself for what you do more than who you are, more on what he deserves as your hubby than please yourself for what you deserve.

Why is love never enough? It’s not the motivator of men that women hope, expect, and rely on. Men like to be loved, but they can do without it. Many do and not always outside a marriage.

Women argue that men screw up good marriages. Doing so confuses or distracts women, and they don’t learn the essentials for marital success.

They blame men so that women can escape feeling responsible; they don’t have to answer and be called wrong. Yet, God designed them to have all the skill, talent, and natural motivation to be fully responsible. He gave men none of the same. Example: Women are born to find, capture, and keep a man to help fulfill their dreams as a couple; her ability to do it is tremendous and endless. Men are born with the ability to mate with a woman on his terms, but his relationship ability is nil. IOW, he falls victim to her expertise, because each female mate knows in her heart how to fit and keep their relationship adequate enough to satisfy her man.

Summarized, wife breeds marital success with this strategy. First, she accepts responsibility for all matters for which he does not claim responsibility—namely, his domain. Second, she strives to get her way in the building, shaping, and sustaining of their relationship, living together, and domestic matters in all but his domain, namely her domain. Third, while doing so, she keeps him satisfied with who he is and what he means to himself. By getting her way cooperatively rather than competitively, she aims at winning his satisfaction three ways. 1) Satisfied with her and who she is, aka her likeability and fidelity. 2) Satisfied with what she does to govern their togetherness and promote two lives into one. 3) Satisfied with himself for choosing to depart single life in favor of living with her; it confirms his conviction that he was right all along and intensifies his marital connection.

Satisfaction with himself counts the most for her in the long run and extends his staying power. Consequently, he may be temporarily or moderately unsatisfied with her or their living arrangements, but he may still be satisfied with himself for other reasons and, therefore, he finds insufficient reason to leave and sticks with her to see how things develop.

The foregoing describes a strategy designed around two inborn motivational imperatives. Both sexes always want to get their way, which guarantees that competition emerges. Women are empowered from birth with the patience, expertise, and self-interest to forego competition, choose cooperation to get their way, and thus enable themselves to conquer men for marriage before men conquer women for sex. Instinctively and intuitively women know it serves them best.

There is more to marital success than the strategy cited above. Individual women have to develop their own ‘it’s my way’ set of tactics to generate marital success. They are born quite capable of doing that and only have to follow their heart instead of guidance from others.


Filed under Dear daughter, feminine, How she wins, marriage, sex differences