Blog 2213 — Garden of Eden: Three Roots

Rooted who knows how far back in human history, men and women are born 1) willing and able to be compatible as mates, 2) with a dominant gender to drive the bus and a superior gender to indirectly guide the driver, and 3) with men enabled men to find satisfaction and women to pursue happiness.

1) Two Loves. The glue of compatibility starts with two very different forms of love that have to be bonded into an agreeable form, which is unattainable except under management of a relationship expert.

Her Love. Women expect to keep their mate by demonstrating their love with words and actions; it’s energized by their nature of loving to love someone. In return she expects him to display all manner of loving attention as she defines love—most prominently as displays of affection—which she transmutes into her importance in life.

His Love. Men expect to keep their mate through his loyalty to her and her likeability to him. In return he expects her to display actions—much more than words—that he interprets as her loyalty to him and his likeability to her.

IOW, he expects to receive the reverse of what he gives. She expects the same as what she gives. They differ fundamentally, which is why the glue of compatibility requires a relationship expert to get it to bond.

2) Superior Sex vs. Dominant Sex. On the macro scale of human behavior, we see a superior sex and irresistible force versus a dominant sex and immovable object. However, God designs the genders such that the immovable becomes moveable with irresistible female leveraging of sexual availability. That is, men do whatever women require in order for men to have frequent and convenient access to sex.

On the other hand, the irresistible female force becomes resistible under the influence of masculine strength to get what men want. Women do whatever men require in order for women to enjoy the fruits of manly producing, providing, protecting, and problem solving on behalf of women and children.

It’s a swap meet. Irresistible and immovable both yield voluntarily to reciprocal loyalty and likeability when surrounded by affirmation, accommodation, and affection. Consequently, their competing powers balance and cooperate to form compatibly successful relationships under management of relationship experts.

3) Two Opposites. Much unwarranted marital turmoil arises from this sex difference.

Her Happiness. Women are born to be happy but they have to earn it. She does it by making herself important to others, which returns to magnify her sense of self-importance and self-gratitude, which enables her to find more ways to be important and grateful, which is her main pathway to happiness. The more grateful she is, the happier she is.

His Satisfaction. Men are born to be satisfied but they have to earn it. Unfortunately as women see it, men earn satisfaction at their work. Hence, daily parking of himself after work with TV, beer, and clicker while she continues working till bedtime in order to keep herself feeling important and grateful.

You can see evidence daily of how Feminism, politics, and pop culture combine to rip the heart from those three ancient roots of human behavior. 1) Men are never affectionate enough for women. Women purposely make themselves unlikeable to men by getting in their man’s face arguing to get their way. 2) Women give away sexual favors, which removes the primary incentive that causes men to provide and protect a woman and her children. 3) Women are overworked because men do nothing after their workday ends and all the associated ‘crimes’ that flow from that concept of the female being thus victimized.

Oh, well, that’s enough complaining. We still have the historic background for compatibility for couples, counterbalancing gender powers, satisfaction for men, and happiness for women. The roots linger in the hearts of many women, but so few are standing up for it out of fear of feminist condemnation.


Filed under Dear daughter, sex difference

2212. Hits: Let’s Quit

On further review, the material I have left on hits is redundant. So, I won’t bore you with it.

However, an informative replacement read. The following was referred to me by Lauren, the main participant in the series “WWNH: Real World,” to whom I’m grateful.

All women, especially wives, may benefit from it. If not for their present relationship, they may better understand what many divorced men more than likely went through.

The author takes her own giant leap out of the feminist cauldron that breeds disrespect of husbands.

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Filed under Dear daughter, How she loses

2211. Hits: Graciousness Wins Respect

Females are both complimented and blessed when men hit on them.

Your physical attractiveness is complimented by his motivation to hit on you rather than someone else. So, what does ‘blessed’ mean in this context? Each hit is a perfect opportunity to promote who and what you are to both yourself and others. Specifically, to earn more respect from other people and thus promote your agenda with more of their goodwill.

More importantly, it provides opportunity to embellish the respect of others for you as person, woman, and your other roles in life. Example: Dignity adds respect to persons. Standing up to stronger sex adds respect to weaker sex. You earn both self-respect and respect of others by assertively (not aggressively) defending your social status, standing, and preferences (married, independent, picky about associates, discreet about sexual matters, sensitive against pushiness, prejudiced against men who don’t know uninvited hit from pleasant approach).

Being a pushover to men on almost any matter is to lose respect or opportunity to gain more. You won’t like this, but saying “I love you” so early in the relationship game and so often before marriage suggests you’re a pushover. Eat those words, make him earn them. Expressing your feelings makes you feel good, of course, but in the long run respect is more important to keep a relationship going.

Relative to men, women can’t have too much respect. It’s the counterbalance to male dominance. That’s why feminine mystery, female modesty, self-centered vanity, and insistent monogamy work so well. Indirectly, those traits let a woman stand up inside and politely strengthen her will against a man’s will. Being so indirect, she doesn’t push any buttons that might offend him. To him, that’s just the way she is—shrouded in mystery, modest to a fault, vain beyond belief, faithful unnecessarily. When those traits are developed and improved at the mirror, she more easily earns additional respect, which means better foundation for a guy’s love.

Did you get that point? Mirror time leads to better love by some man.

You deserve to be blessed but you have to earn it in today’s social scene. As already proposed in earlier posts, a mighty breakthrough awaits you ladies who fear or resent hits especially from ‘undesirables’. It’s a garden path walk into much greater respect for you as person, woman, and all those other things that you are and do. In effect graciousness dealing with ‘undesirables’ (for your life) sells you as highly respectable person. Observers note that they also deserve at least your graciousness, which is an indirect compliment to them, which adds to their respect of you.

I know you neither want to be told how to handle hitters or to change to something you view as fearful or too difficult for your spirit as woman. But you can’t enjoy more of life’s potential advantages unless you change your game plan.

Consequently, its more reason you ladies should welcome all hits and should teach yourselves to gain all the benefits available.

Reminder: Welcome every hit and treat every hitter exactly the same. Hottie, undesirable, or weirdo, exactly the same. In the face of tough times of what to do next, especially those times that discombobulate most people, a woman’s graciousness shines brighter than her attractiveness.

We’re not done with hits; the interconnections are almost endless, but you’ll have to put up with some repetition necessary to sustain the context each time. More tomorrow.


Filed under Dear daughter, feminine, How she wins, sex difference

2210. Hits: What Happens in Background?

In JHS, HS, college, and USN, I was the target or observed others rebuffed pleasantly or outright rejected for hitting on girls and women. Thinking on it now enables me to understand what’s happening in background mode. Much of it originates out of default beliefs inherited at birth by two very different sexes.

For this segment I define ‘hit’ as uninvited, unwanted, or overly bold intrusion or invitation, including those that you may find desirable once it happens. Some may offend, others may compliment. But the secret to making yourself more easily respected lies with treating all hitters the same (not all may be men).

OTOH flirting takes place as polite and cautious dialogue and signals that invoke a different decision process. (If a guy hits and claims he’s just flirting, without thinking twice go by your definition. Treat it as a hit without giving him opportunity to defend himself. He needs to learn who’s boss when he screws up by your standards.)

Rebuffing a hitter earns respect for you. Provided you do it for the purpose of protecting your self-respect. You reinforce self-respect by putting him in his place for having overstepped your boundaries as a person. You earn his respect for standing up for yourself and further reinforce your self-respect for having the courage to do it. (God made him wise enough to gain your attention, but He gave you the ability to get double benefit from it. Who said female isn’t the superior sex and irresistible force?)

OTOH, you probably lose respect—and don’t gain self-respect—if you respond to hits for selfish and other reasons. Examples: Reject him to make yourself feel better, put him down, like yourself better, to be liked by the hitter, show off to girlfriends, earn someone’s respect, embarrass him for showing disrespect to a woman, or just treat him disrespectfully for being a man.

Your heart should be full of feminine innocence when hit on. You’ll likely do the right thing for yourself. (Recall how That Horse is Dead reacted when the guy seated next to her brushed his upper arm against her breast. Was it a hit or a hint? She wasn’t suspicious or waiting for a man to go too far. Her feminine innocence guided her to her best advantage, in that case ladylike and dignified silence. A rebuff/rejection/dismissal probably awaits when he next tries to win her interest or second date.)

Moreover, protecting who you are and what you deserve as a person (not a woman) is not as self-centered as the examples shown in second paragraph above. Those spring out of your mind as protection for you as a woman rather than a person. There’s a difference too.

You are respected and earn respect as if you’re three people. 1) As a person, which makes you equal with all others socially, legally and particularly in God’s eyes. You deserve to be treated respectfully as an individual, not member of some group, or like your associates. 2) As a female or woman, which makes you unequal but not inferior with men (in spite of political and impractical claims to the contrary). You deserve to be recognized as very different from a man. 3) As a responsible and accountable person and woman in the various roles you fill in life, such as wife, mother, friend, daughter, employee, date, fiancé, et al. You deserve to be recognized as having primary interest in things other than man-think.

Obvious and purposeful hits can emanate from a guy’s lack of respect of women generally and perhaps you too. In his mind, you may not deserve what others deserve, such as careful or sensitive approach or common courtesy. You may not deserve to be treated fairly as member of opposite sex. You may not deserve to have your marriage honored as ‘hands off’. In every hit like that, the guy subliminally claims you don’t deserve his respect, invites you to compete with him, and so—at least I think this—you should show him how to win the competition.

You deserve equal treatment as a person if not as a woman. You’re equally deserving of what you can earn as a person. It uplifts you more easily in your mind, adds moral virtue to reinforce your courage, and makes you eligible for fair treatment as a woman. As a person you’re blessed with the ability to take charge at all affronts to your comfort and dignity as a woman. But you should initiate by thinking as a person. The cautious nature of women dissuades from initiating at the very moments you need to be self-assertive in the handling of hitters.

Not as easy as it sounds, but you should treat all men alike. It trains you better to gain all the advantages that can accrue to you as a woman.


Filed under feminine, How she wins

2209. Hits: Rebuffs and Rejections

I give up. So many combinations and permutations of hits, men’s motivations, and women’s motivations and individual reactions that I can’t describe how best to handle each. So, I propose you figure out how to use the following to your advantage.

  • There are only two kinds of hits. Those that you appreciate and those that you don’t, guys that may appeal to you and guys that don’t. So, take the easy way out.
  • WADWMUFGAO, we all do what makes us feel good about ourselves. I propose that rebuffing each guy’s first hit on you does that.

In defense of being falsely accused, what motivates men to hit on women? It’s far more than ‘just one thing’, although that always lingers and sometimes lurks in the background. Chatting with an attractive lady who encourages him to tell about himself is a very inviting exchange of thoughts for many men. Men hope for their mate to be attractive, and so they start looking among the best. A lot of self-admiration can be earned by a man just sweet talking a pretty woman into finding him likeable. Men seek to marry a virtuous woman and many start with virtues they see in attractive women. Men can be innocent too but women only see them as being after that one thing, which sharpens the finger of blame for some women and cautions others into fearfulness.

Self-talk at mirror time can help immensely to prepare for four kinds of hitters.

  • Guy A pleases or compliments you. Also, he appeals to you as prospect for a relationship. As a lady, rebuff him with smiles and encouragement but determination that he’s finished for that first encounter. He has to know you’re not a pushover, and he only believes actions that he sees. If he returns for another encounter, handle him as suggested with guy B next.
  • Guy B pleases or compliments you. As a lady, give him benefit of the doubt but rebuff him as matter of principle. If he comes back for next or more hits, make him suffer the agony of uncertainty. Keep him off balance and uncomfortable. It’s called screening, and his repetitive effort is his investing of himself. After a few encounters he may bloom for you, but he should earn every step. Perhaps a potential Mr. GoodEnough, but the first rebuff got his attention that he had to work to win you.
  • Guy C displeases or offends you. Dismiss him with ladylike composure and without anger. It impresses observers more than guy C, which makes it a game changer for all those other guys thinking of you and for all the women who learn to have new respect for you.
  • Guy D just comes on as very pleasant and likeable but not like A, B, or C.

The guys that come back for another encounter are likely interested in you more than sex but no guarantees. By ending the first hit with rebuff, your screening process takes a great stride forward.

Sample rebuffs and dismissals. Don’t claim yourself to be good or try to convince or explain or complain. Refer to how you’re obligated to or respectful of others. And don’t accept guys saying anything else. You end it with your response and don’t accept more from them.

  • Hit from Guy A: Smile as if you like him. “Men are never more handsome than when they please a lady, but I’m busy now.” If that’s not enough for him, he may not be an A.
  • Hit from Guy B: “I love compliments but I’m busy now.”
  • Hit from Guy C: Stare a few seconds, give him a long silence (you know, the old evil eye), and then turn away as a determined lady rather than disgusted woman.
  • Hit from Guy D: “Try again sometime. I think I’d like to know you, but I’m busy now.”
  • Hitter is married: “I would never betray a sister female, especially your wife. Goodbye.”
  • You’re married: “Thanks but I like it much better when my husband says that.” Or, “My husband would never say such a thing. He’s such a gentleman. Goodbye.”
  • He’s a hottie, rich guy, or beamer driver: “You’re kidding, right? I’m supposed to drop who I am for you? Bug off, buster, you don’t qualify for me.”
  • Hit in church: “I gave my heart to the Lord” (and walk away). If guy A or B invites for coffee after church, it’s another matter but still refuse first invitation. Not to be mean but to stand on your principle that all men are to be treated equally when they first approach you. It’s your standard, without which men have less to step up to in order to prove themselves worthy of you.

You’re made differently, so exploit it. You can’t stop being hit on, but you can win every encounter and send yourself off with grand rather than demeaning feelings about yourself. You can easily teach men that your self-respect and feelings are not to be tampered with. Your action, your immediate response can cure disappointment, discomfort, disruption, and disrespect when you’re surprised.


Filed under feminine, How she wins

2208. Hits: A Matter of Self-respect

After seven years I’ve uncovered something new about Jill. She doesn’t pay enough attention to her self-respect. I hope to show how to improve it with a simple change in attitude and behavior.

If I can make my case, it’s both opportunity and immense advantage to each woman to respond exactly the same to all men who hit on them, including the hottest hunks and richest guys.


Unlike men, self-respect is not a woman’s most prominent trait. 1) Women have been disrespected through the millennia. They are accustomed to having themselves demeaned and self-respect crushed by both mannish behavior and that of females with hearts hardened by power. The hurt lingers and women have adjusted by diminishing its importance to herself. 2) When a woman stands up for herself in a self-respecting manner, the feedback from others may confirm her behavior. However, she tends to roast herself on the coals of self-doubt or guilt and finds subsequent displeasure with herself. She could have done better and will the next time. As relationship expert, she pressures herself to find alternatives, which tends to confirm she was perhaps wrong the first time: oops, more guilt. Consequently, it causes confusion in the heart and women outwardly stand up for themselves less and less as they age. Unreinforced self-respect tends to weaken itself over time. It’s kind of like the older you get the more you get beat down.

Men cause 1). Women cause 2) by the way they react to 1), so room for improvement lies within.


Other than within your mothering instinct, your self-respect as a female depends on the presence of men and a man in your life. It bounces around all the time based on how well you feel compatible and comfortable with them and him. More accurately, it bounces around based on the respect you are shown by men and your man. That is, you feel as compatible and comfortable as you are treated with respect, which just happens to be both foundation of masculine love and major source of your self-respect.

Why such emphasis here on self-respect? High levels of self-respect—such as that spawned with feminine mystique, female modesty, personal vanity, and mirror time—weaken male dominance. Putting hitters in their place has similar effects, especially when they think they can’t be refused. You rebuff them for no other reason than they hit on you; your standard is that it’s disrespectful to be that presumptive of you. (The second or third hit is another matter to be covered later.)

Consequently, because of constant concern or involvement earning masculine attention and hoping for affection or boyfriend, you pay too little attention to self-respect. Yet, one of the immutable laws of nature is this: The greater your self-respect, the more likely and easier for others to respect you and you to respect them. IOW, the root of all respect is self-respect. Since a man’s love is based on respect for women generally and one woman particularly, your weakness in self-respect weakens the prospects of a man’s love.

I propose that all hitters regardless of desirability be dismissed with female charm. Take advantage of more opportunities and you reinforce your potential to be loved. Don’t overlook this fact. The guy you finally win thinks your standard of dismissing hitters means you’re not a pushover, but yet he was good enough to try again and won you. Huh? Think he won’t be proud of himself for having overcome your initial rebuff? Try it, you’ll see.

My next job, however, is to wrap my mind around how you gals distinguish what you want and don’t want. Is there a universal definition of ‘hit’. I’m working on it and hopefully it will magically appear by next post. Tomorrow perhaps at #2209 or soon thereafter. This is a tough series to write, because of the need for separating ‘hit’ from ‘approach’, unwanted from appreciated, disrespect from compliment.


Filed under feminine, How she wins

2207. Hits: Tired of Them? Really? Had Enough?

The following seems to be the typical females’ wish list.

1) I’m tired of being hit on. 2) I wish it could be prevented. 3) Except for those men I find desirable for my taste. 4) Even better, how do I attract more than just hits from the hottest hunks and richest guys? 5) Why am I unable to make every desired hit work out to my advantage? There’s one answer to all.

It remains a wish list because women don’t do much about it. They don’t really want to. Though they complain, they are aware that they are complimented. The attention is more important than the discomfort, if that’s what they really feel.

By the numbers above: 1) You may be tired of it but you have to stay home to avoid it and even that won’t stop it all. 2) To prevent it, womanhood has to work together or leave it to government.* 3) To isolate and appeal to those you find desirable and 4) attract the hottest and richest depends on your reaction to keep the ball rolling into something more than just a hit. 5) You’ve not defined clearly to yourself what’s to your advantage. Golden relationship opportunities await in 3), 4) and 5); you’re just not mining it.

Are you interested in mining the gold? It requires the composure and courage to treat all hitters exactly alike in such a way that you earn their respect. It won’t be easy but it can be made simple.

It takes a lot of writing to describe and justify such a simple technique, but if enough ladies are interested….

This is a survey to solicit the importance of the subject. Let me know if you’re interested. If I can make my case, it’s both opportunity and immense advantage to each woman to respond exactly the same to all men who hit on them, including the hottest hunks and richest guys. You can’t equivocate, everyone the same.


*Feminists choose government solutions. Latest development, a city government denies freedom to men. One city (I think in California) has made it illegal to stare at a woman for 30 seconds. More is coming as feminists complain and government responds to their ‘needs’, which disrespects men who then show more disrespect to women. (Manosphere recruits?)


Filed under feminine, Fickle female, How she loses