Not convinced yet? I continue with another Garden of Eden root that exemplifies the superior sex. I’ll kill the mystery now but you already know so it’s not really a mystery: Love is superior to respect (although men will disagree instinctively in defense of male dominance). These self-worth emotions are inherited at birth: her self-love and his self-respect. Consequently, she begins life with the advantage for inducing men to yield their interests sufficiently in order to provide and protect her and her children. Gifted with self-love enables women to love others according to the way that women love—emotionally and clearly not dependent on male-like logic and reason. Their love is virtually endless unless turned off by love objects. Not that they love everybody, but they are capable of it. Their hearts overflow with loving thoughts whereas the male heart is only capable of loving those who qualify. Gifted with self-respect enables men to respect others but there’s a catch. Women can love without it being earned by the one loved. Men are different. A man respects those who earn it either from him or someone else that he respects. Moreover, the foundation of masculine love is respect, which makes it essential that a sex target earn his respect if she hopes to be more than his target. OTOH, women love too easily for men; they can love someone without respecting them so men are suspicious of womanly claims of love because it’s so different from man-think. It puts couples in this fix. A woman can love a man all day. Without earning his respect, however, hers will be unrequited love. It begs the question, what does a woman have or do that earns manly respect? The list is practically endless but it boils down to this: She’s female and acts it; she’s uniquely not male; she has feminine qualities that he admires to the point of fascination; and she has promise as a potential mate. Out of all that, provided she is also likeable to him as a person and woman, a man can devote himself loyally to one woman. In a reverse maneuver to earn respect without giving away the store, women compensate instinctively with a superior technique. Before, during, and after women fall for a man, femininity calls for them to exercise patience and depend on him to make himself worthy of her. They make men the sellers and women the buyers. They recognize that it takes time for a man’s respect to grow, discover and admire her qualities, appreciate her fascination, and realize that she holds enough promise for him to see her as his mate, his helpmate for fulfilling his ambitions. That reverse maneuver puts women in the driver’s seat of the marital bus. Who has the superior role? Driver or shotgun? Without the females’ natural ability to exploit their patience in order to generate mutual love with a man, not much marriage or permanent mating takes place.
I continue with another Garden of Eden root that adds credence to the supposition that females make up the superior sex.
Love’s Additive. The sexes love so differently that an additive is essential to help generate and lubricate mutual love, tenderize it for permanence, and thus enable a couple to live together compatibly and enjoyably. Without love, there is no ‘couple’. Without the additive to attract men, energize women, and lubricate their togetherness, there is too little permanence.
You may recall from earlier blog posts. Men are primarily producers and women processors. Think of love as a process, loving someone as the result, and women as being in charge of the process. By accepting responsibility, it puts women in charge of providing the ingredient that eases or erases friction and enables couples to harmonize their compatibility. It’s the superior ingredient that’s required for long-range marital success.
A couple’s love develops over time; the proper additive expedites it. Sex likenesses within a couple don’t generate much friction but boredom follows too easily especially after romantic love fades. OTOH, sex differences help prevent boredom with one another. For that and other reasons, sex differences make the stronger foundation for compatible togetherness. Differences also carry the greatest potential for friction between mates. Therefore, the need for a lubricant. Fortunately, the lubricant is the same additive that helps women attract men.
Both attracter and lubricant? Sure. The additive? Femininity. The expression of numerous female traits in ways that make women uniquely different from men, who have little interest in staying very long with a manly woman. They want to marry a virtuous woman, and masculine features in a woman are neither admired nor virtuous. Especially if she tries to get her way more than previously by relying on her manly qualities to overpower his.
Men see female qualities they admire and consider to be virtues. Femininity adds more man-sensed quality, which provides the extra magnetic-like effect that flows out of both glue and lubricant to hold a couple together more smoothly and longer. It’s more what he sees and imagines than what she thinks, does, and tries.
Men tend to stay with their earlier decisions, especially the ones of high quality that confirm they know what they are doing and that it is right. Also easier to live with later. If he’s attracted by a woman’s femininity and decides to marry her, he gets to learn years later that his choosing her was the right decision. It’s another blessing that permeates conscientious femininity. It confirms constantly that a man is doing the right thing for himself and ipso facto for her, which conscientious men accept as their responsibility.
Why does it happen that way? Because of a superior trait in women. The more they act like very feminine females, the more it confirms their self-importance, solidifies their character as being both strong and right, and improves their personal magnetism as they interface with a mate of many years. Very feminine women are quicker learners about men and togetherness than their less feminine peers.
Men are unable to produce such a superior product to generate and preserve relationships.
The Garden of Eden produced other sex differences that add credence to the supposition that females make up the superior sex.
Hopes and Dreams.
Women are born to be happy but they have to earn it in ways that are more difficult and complex than what men are destined to earn. Compared to men who don’t have to, women are made to cooperate and work with and through others. They find happiness beyond the gratefulness they manage to engender in both themselves and on behalf of others.
Female hopes and dreams originate shortly before puberty. Dreams are of ultimate happiness born out of girlish hope and imagination and surrounded by whatever determination is being developed in a girl’s character at the time. It’s a powerful combination of thought and intention that steers her as a woman. Unfortunately as women later discover, it also lays the groundwork for many and sometimes awful but recoverable disappointments and frustrations they encounter along life’s way.
Reality often alternates women between misery and deliriously happy, but they remain more adaptable than men. They think, work, and live for the long term, only to find they must live in the cooperative short range in order to accommodate the competing and sometimes unreasonable interests of the men in their lives.
Men are very unlike women in two regards that are significant here. First, their counterpart of female happiness is satisfaction; personal satisfaction earned by what they do, achieve, accomplish. They earn satisfaction daily on their jobs, hobbies, and playtimes. Fulfilling hopes and dreams is relatively easy because man are made to compete and accomplish things by themselves. Second, although men have dreams for the future, their vision is much shorter than for women. They have less interest in adaptability because they rely on male dominance to get their way. They have less interest in survivability because their dream vision is much shorter range than women’s.
Consequently, female hopes and dreams are directly connected to their ability and fuel their motivation to adapt and survive, which adds to their ability to handle men to the advantage of women and children, which adds to the notion that dominance can be out performed.
Other female advantages also arose out of the Garden of Eden. It’s next, hopefully tomorrow.
At 2231 Her Highness Cinnamon wondered why I call women the superior sex. It’s simple. They work the most steadily and produce the best results for harmonizing the compatibility of the sexes.
To understand their superiority and fulfill our destiny in the micro world, we all need to appreciate more the macro world from whence we came.
It was determined for Western civilization in the Garden of Eden. Two very different human natures were formed inside two magnificently compatible bodies. I believe it God’s intent that their descendants act compatible by nature in order to mate successfully. If and when couples join up as permanent mates, compatibility is needed and sought by both sides or else misery follows and not even descendants of Adam can live with that. If couples don’t join permanently, compatibility isn’t needed, is no longer of mutual self-interest, and is therefore unnecessary for the more overbearing sex. Without the mutual urge for compatibility, the physically stronger naturally dominates or enslaves Eve’s descendants.
Consequently, two genders were put in competition. In our modern micro world of individuals, either the physically weaker learn to handle the stronger to its advantage or they become so dominated it takes on the feeling of being enslaved.
Our female ancestors developed the first big advantage. They codified social and domestic life many hundreds of years ago into the intended-to-be-permanent union we call marriage. It was a superior maneuver. Marital arrangements motivate men to work toward compatibility to avoid misery. They sooner or later learn that pleasing their woman is the best way to prevent misery. In response to the self-centered male nature, wives learn to promote and add female-friendliness, which brings mutual satisfaction into the marital mix. Out of that successful mix of competitive interests, marriage arose as a cultural institution all across the Western world. Only a superior gender could accomplish such a feat.
Our female ancestors learned how to broker and perpetuate a marriage deal. Each promised physical fidelity to please their man. They exchanged monogamous vows for their man’s fulfillment of family responsibility. He got to live up to something bigger than himself, which made for better character and husbanding. She followed her nature to live up to something and someone bigger than herself, which made for more satisfactory ‘wifeing’ in his eyes. Women developed the very effective way to deliver on God’s intent that the sexes should mate compatibly. Such leadership resides only in the superior of two genders.
To this day, it’s the physically weaker but mentally aware sex that continues to sustain compatibility. Therefore, I conclude with the end but not the rest of the story: Women must be superior. What else could keep male dominance under sufficient control but an irresistible force?
Superior vs. Dominant. At the gender level, it’s the superior and irresistible force vs. the dominant and immovable object. Men know how to dominate and some claim superiority in the apparent absence of a superior force. Yet, women gain advantage by exploiting their relationship expertise. Lacking such expertise, men are satisfied because women enable men to think that male dominance rules the world. But does it? In the most successful marriages, he rules the roost but she rules the rooster. The superior force thus succeeds in moving the immovable object. Example: Male dominance opened the American West; female superiority civilized it by convincing men they should live according to female values, standards, and expectations that evolved into a fair-minded and hugely compatible culture.
Women sense they don’t do well competing with men, so they change the ground rules to make compatibility more the product of cooperation than competition.
More subconscious than conscious, females cloud their superiority by accepting male dominance without believing in manly superiority. Using their relationship expertise, they outwit men. They allow men to think and act as though they are in charge of relationships, which satisfies men that women know what they are doing and thus are prepared to please a man with his life on earth.
Harmonizing mutual compatibility through their cooperative spirit enables women to keep the immovable objects singing the tune that provides and protects women and children. Assuming responsibility to generate mutual cooperation and purposely bring harmony out of competition, women build their superior power base with and around uniquely female qualities that men lack.
In real life, by exploiting their natural superiority, women balance the power of the dominant sex. Without being aware of their daily use of natural strengths, women fail to appreciate the other components of their superiority.
All that above may be difficult to grasp clearly, but there’s much more and it’s simpler and next.
So, let’s compare some of the other roots of human nature that can be traced to the Garden of Eden.
Editor’s Note: Viewed from my end, you ladies are not very involved with this series. But I post it to complete the series and make way for tomorrow’s subject about the superior gender.
Don’t you for the most part see men this way?
31. Trying to impose guilt on a man works against me. They won’t accept what I call guilt except from themselves (self-criticism) and even then they fix whatever ‘is broke’ or they forget it.
32. Even when he’s wrong, having to explain himself is contrary to his self-respect.
33. Decisions men make are like promises, and they don’t break promises to themselves. Perhaps to someone else but usually not to self.
34. Self-respect and self-assurance of their rightness enable men to resist criticism.
35. Men are instinctively energized to conquer attractive women. I can neither understand it, accept it, nor live with it, but I have to try my best.
36. Men value virginity out of proportion to its value; they can’t be that dumb but they sure seem to be.
37. Men are dedicated to the task at hand: work, study, rest, reading, relaxation, recovery, responsibility, fun, games, or whatever. Interruptions are unwelcome.
38. He’s both capable and self-centered enough to take care of himself, which enables but doesn’t recruit him to help others.
39. Men are fairly easy to understand until their words don’t match their actions.
40. Men can sit and do absolutely nothing. They claim to be thinking but productive evidence is lacking to me.
41. A strong masculine presence can calm fears that often arise in me.
42. Men are independent, benefit from a good woman alongside, but go out of their way to keep it to themselves.
43. Men have a strong and resilient character that is compatible with a woman’s strong and resilient spirit.
44. I will never understand the males’ mentality of wham, bam, thank you ma’am. I bond through sex, why not men?
45. Men are more easily respected than trusted but my unconditional trust earns more of their respect for me.
Those conclusions about men seem prominent in the female heart. They are connected to the ‘be good’ prime root that goes back to the Garden of Eden, which comes up in the next series tomorrow.
This continues the list of my impressions of what resides about men in the female heart. However, perhaps not yet identified or turned dormant by lessons learned in life. The list began at 2234 aka Part III of this series. Each relationship expert finds greater strength and success by using these beliefs in lieu of blaming a man.
16. The more I admire him indirectly, the more attention he pays to me. I detect that direct admiration strikes him as unearned/undeserved and thus not truly the compliment I intend. Unfortunately, it also goes directly against my nature to pay close and direct attention to those I love, which presents me with another hurdle to clear just to love a man.
17. A man’s sense of family responsibility differs from mine. His dedication comes from fulfilling his responsibility well. My devotion comes from my obligation to do the right thing to, by, and for others and me together.
18. If he can be a good producer/problem solver for himself, he can also be a good provider/protector for me.
19. He becomes frustrated with disturbing surprises, unjustified interruptions, and when things don’t proceed or turn out his way. I tend to blame selfishness and self-centeredness but it goes deeper into his sense of self-admiration and self-satisfaction to get things done.
20. He’s energized to satisfy himself first in whatever he does, even when he’s intent on pleasing me. He retains that boyish habit. He has a natural resistance but not incompetence to pleasing me the way I like to be pleased.
21. He recognizes that he has the potential to please me by helping produce what I want out of life. It’s up to me, however, to tame and energize him to become so devoted to me at the expense sometimes of what he wants to do.
22. His rewards are in the satisfaction that comes from doing what he wants to do and just how he wants to do it. If I play my cards right, I can hitch a ride with him.
23. Men react favorably to those who believe in them over and above how they believe in themselves.
24. Men like the challenge of earning greater self-satisfaction. They don’t lack self-belief but they sometimes lack self-confidence and ambition until encouraged by loved ones.
25. Men seek to control human events and then adjust according to the results produced. More a matter of natural dominance than pursuit of achievement.
26. He’s not totally understandable through his actions but they reveal his true self. He becomes more understandable when I quit judging him by woman-think.
27. He doesn’t change to please others, especially females, unless he pursues conquest. Even then its temporary unless reinforced into habit by his inability to get a woman to yield over an extended period of time.
28. He can’t understand my emphasis on emotional fidelity as more important than physical faithfulness.
29. Mistakes don’t stall his efforts but merely slow him down, unless he receives repeated criticism from someone he respects.
30. Men criticize themselves much as women impose guilt on themselves. The difference being that men take action to relieve self-blame and thus get over frustration quickly and move on.
Here are my impressions of what resides about men in the female heart. I’ve taken the liberty of expanding the seeds to include how it affects or goes with the male heart. We can’t know everything, but relationship experts can learn to work better with what they do know.
Readers will find that their lessons learned in life somehow and often twist and distort these beliefs to match their experience. To them, neither they nor men are exactly as described. The greater the deviation, the more such women live by their minds instead of their hearts. To some extent, however, you all will find differences between your heart and mind; it’s quite normal as part of personal self-development. You have to figure out what works best for your present and future.
One final caveat: I believe both sexes are born with an imperfect ability to ‘read’ and assess what lies in the heart of the other. Having the ability does not mean, however, that men care to do so or that common self-interest will even come close to matching. That must be worked out between individuals. Therefore, I tie together related elements in the hearts of men and women that can be used to improve relationship management.
Women tend to instinctively see and relate with men much as described below. (Let me know if you disbelieve or disagree with any concept or principle. I’m just a man, remember, trying to merge hundreds of discombobulated differences into something close to a compatible whole.)
- Men can help me in many ways if I treat them rightly as a person, appropriately as a man, and gratefully for their ability to stand and act alone as if un-needful of me. It’s a fair exchange and why I want a man for myself; I can make him needful of me.
- They can be cute while frustrating me, endearing while comforting me, and close friend of my heart when they want to be.
- All they want seems to be sex, but I admit that it keeps one closer to me than anything else.
- They respond well when I encourage them indirectly, such as with hints for them to think about and figure out if they choose to react. Or, indirect compliments that disguise my gratitude, such as ‘men are never more handsome than when they please their woman’. It’s as if they don’t appreciate what they don’t earn.
- I can accept it when integrity and character strength make a man stubborn, for that is the way men are. But stubbornness caused by selfishness may involve me if it’s not rooted in his childhood.
- I wish they were more open with their feelings but recognize they will never completely please me that way.
- What men figure out impresses them more than what I tell them. I guess that’s why indirectness, seed planting, and hints enable me to influence them better.
- If I like a man, I can charm him.
- If one man likes me especially, I am interested.
- Why can’t they be more like a woman?
- Men have a strong and independent sense of responsibility. Now, if I can just get it aimed more directly and ambitiously toward fulfilling my sense of importance by belonging to him.
- I see their strength of character show up when I or someone tampers with their self-respect. It seems to be the foundation of their strength.
- His routine accomplishments provide routine satisfactions that routinely reinforce his self-respect. His other habits support that behavior, which tends to make his interests his whole life.
- His self-respect makes him both interesting and easily admirable to me but also to other women.
- The more self-admirable are a man’s achievements, the more satisfied he becomes with himself over and above what others might think.
The series continues tomorrow.