2466. Journey to Feminine — Group 17


I open this post with a paradox. Because love is so vital to the female psyche, they think it equally important to men. Not so. A woman’s admiration is far more influential than her love, when it comes to focusing a man’s attention on a woman. In fact, repeatedly expressing her infinite love makes a man suspicious; what’s she really after?

  1. A married man expects frequent and convenient access to sex. The feminine-oriented wife knows it’s a requirement that she accepts as her obligation to turn it into satisfaction for him and contentment for her. (Unless truly devoted to her, she has to gently induce him to want to become a better lover. He instinctively knows how to fornicate and so he’s convinced by his nature that he’s a great lover.)
  2. The feminine wife rewards her man for husbanding and fathering and works to inspire him to grow his sense of responsibility in ways that satisfy him and add to his significance. She does it as compensation for giving up his independence, or he will want it back.
  3. The male nature expects to be respected by females. The feminine woman looks for strengths and qualities to respect individuals, and admiration is more effective than love.
  4. She develops the feminine belief or understands that she has to earn the respect of a man to gain his love. To keep him, she must respect him as a person, a man, and for his roles in life; it’s the basis to keep husband’s focus on her as he also looks for her dependence on and gratitude for him.
  5. The feminine wife listens to sister wives and what they eventually learn. That is, husband is most satisfied when she smiles all the time in his presence and does not complain. And so smarter wives start early in marriage to live with the mission to do exactly that. She has to learn to forgive herself for departures, mistakes, and inconsistencies, and tries ever harder to stick to that mission. Success enables hubby to see only sparkling behavior for which he assumes credit for having chosen so astutely.
  6. The feminine wife does not try to change husband’s natural male dominance but gently sets it aside and out of her way with female intelligence, patience, and dedication to keep her man.
  7. The feminine woman knows that criticizing other men indirectly influences hubby against her, if he responds in their defense. (It opens the door to competing, which wife should avoid.)
  8. Feminine women may not know the name Pygmalion Effect, but they understand and take advantage of this principle. People become like those with whom they associate and live up to the expectations of others. Moreover, they tend to become what they are repeatedly accused of, are called, or identified as action figures.
  9. The feminine woman understands that what people proclaim of themselves becomes factual or more real. Examples: Frequently claiming “I’m tired” or “I’m broke” or “I’m working my way through college” brings on more of the same. (We get what we think about most of the time, and thinking of what we don’t want is counter-productive.)
  10. The feminine woman has good common sense; she trusts her instinct and intuition. She knows she’s better than men, and so she deserves the best man who proves his worth by earning her hand. Others are not good enough to be fruitful at fulfilling her interests, hopes, and dreams.

Men grow up getting used to getting their way; later in life they are willing to slack off a little, to mellow about decision-making. As men ‘downsize’ so to speak, women—also born to get their way—upgrade their ambitions. Smoothing out that mutual morphing is the long suit of the feminine wife. Her attitude stretches marital longevity by keeping her man satisfied with his mate.

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2465. Follow Up on Satisfying a Husband


Post 2456 described two ingredients that wives provide that surpass all else to fulfill a husband’s wish for marriage. He’s happy as women call it, but men don’t do ‘happy’. A man’s equivalent of happy is satisfaction; in this case that he’s comfortably situated in marriage.

Things go smoothly when wife smiles regularly in his presence and she doesn’t complain to him. Her smiles reassure him and lack of complaints confirm that he needn’t worry, all goes well. He must not be guilty of anything, so he’s not done wrong or disappointed her. It’s what he expects from having been so particular in selecting the right woman to marry. Her smiling and agreeable countenance confirms his astute judgment and satisfaction.

She has to, of course, first want to do all that; it’s nearly impossible but she’s highly skilled. Not as simple as I describe it, but two guiding lights help wife satisfy husband. It puts her directly in control of how well and comfortably he fits the saddle on their marital horse. Keep him happily mounted on his charger, and it frees her up to make their marriage successful and future brighter.

But he has another saddle, and the same ingredients add some more satisfaction. The identity of many if not most men includes their primary vehicle. Part of his reputation among men is wrapped up in it. It’s part of who he is among competitors, his significance, even if he can’t afford what he dreams of but lives with second best. And it’s especially more true of functional vehicles such as the truck he uses for his business.

His vehicle will provide the equivalent of smiles if he has what he admires. Also, he should hear no complaints from it. Squeaks, rattles, broken parts, and features that don’t function are complaints so he tends to spend freely on it. The more admiring care he puts into maintaining its beauty and operability and preventing complaints, the more valuable and smilingly it calls to him for another ride and adds to his sense of satisfaction with himself.

Any lessening of husband’s desire to drive his dream machine in favor of helping their relationship survive is a sign that wife caught a good one, if she can keep him. (It’s mighty easy for wife to overdo it, to expect hubby to give up too much for her in order to prove her importance or his love.)

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2464. Journey to Feminine — Group 16


Feminine women are motivated to compete for the best man and cooperate with the man they win. They exploit their nature to the best of their abilities and expect men to do likewise.

  • She can provide and protect a family, but it works much better doing it with a man whom she has helped become a better and hopefully good man, her Mr. Right.
  • As men show their masculinity in revelry, she refuses to join as one of the guys. Instinct tells her she can’t act like a guy and be treated better than that.
  • If he can act financially irresponsible, she has plenty of initiative to help balance the books. Complaints about his behavior don’t solve her problems. It takes his different behavior, and he resists changing from her complaints.
  • If he endangers family solidarity by cheating, she has options and ability for preserving both marriage and family. Her instinctive nature and intuition can bless her favorably if her character is strong enough to live with her own tough decisions.
  • She thinks like a woman, thinks how men think differently, and merges the combination into guiding her dealings with men and a man. IOW, she doesn’t try to make over a man into what women think they should be.
  • She specializes as the future oriented genius each couple needs to build longevity together. She recruits his interest in her way by giving him his way in the present. (You may wish to review post 2456 for the two things that make a man happy in his marriage.)
  • She realizes their romantic love will fade in a year or two. Marital vows can fade in importance. Any man can get interested in someone else. So, she begins early to shape their love into an enduring form that breeds longevity, keeps her as most important woman in his life.
  • She knows in her heart that she knows what’s best for ‘us’ as couple, parents, and family. She knows intuitively that the less of it she reveals, the better she’s enabled to fill the dominant role melding their lives together. Also, the less he takes offense at what she thinks and does, the more freedom for her ambitions. Seed planting and indirectness that generate respect also bring success.

As mentioned many times here, women have two great shortcomings. 1) They don’t know enough about men and their nature. 2) They are not grateful enough for themselves. Lacking self-gratitude, they are short of one of their greatest blessings, that of being grateful for others.

Feminist-think endows women with direct power against men but it subverts self-gratitude. It goes against their soft-hearted nature to high-handedly blame men. In the female nature, self-gratitude is best earned by indirectness, private thoughts, and disinterest in broadcasting her importance. When a women weaves feminine beliefs and actions into her behavior, WALLAH, she also learns to be grateful for who and what she is and does. Self-gratitude is the root of female happiness, which arrives after years of gratefulness for the others who make up her family. Feminine women possess admirable character.

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2463. Journey to Feminine — Group 15


I continue trying to make feminine-think more beneficial to women than feminist-think.

  • Listen closely to what men have to say about their gender as if it’s all great news. Then call their bluff and expect them to prove it. (Keep them off balance so they can’t interrogate you or talk about sex.)
  • It’s overstated that men are the enemy. Question them to bring them over to the female side. By acknowledging their importance with friendliness, you also earn their respect. (Keep them uncomfortable, if they can get into your mind they can get in your panties.)
  • The feminine woman knows not to blame a man, at least not verbalize it. It puts him on the defensive and establishes the need to prove her wrong and nothing else registers with him until he wins in some form of a final encounter. (It also applies to cheating but that opens a whole new subject.)
  • With so many women open to provide sex to married men, pressures mount for husbands to cheat. Feminine wives know their best hope is to trust first and ‘spectacularize’ their own fidelity and remain silent about doubt and suspicion. Does it work? Over the long run the end results favor the wife, because confrontation shifts the high ground to him.
  • Feminine women listen only to men about Feminism. They look for ways to assuage the blame inflicted on men and the guilt aimed at them, which they assertively and even aggressively resist. They confirm that only men know how men should, would, or could act, and that feminine women understand.
  • Feminine mothers bring up daughters to please father, especially with old school maturity-before-sex rather than new school sex-before-maturity. When daughters live up to father’s expectations, they mature better and don’t lose their identity in adolescence. It also develops their intuitive ability to hold onto one man later in life.
  • Feminine women hide their superior role by not competing with husband, by celebrating husband’s accomplishments, and by complimenting his sense of significance among others. It highlights and justifies an us-centered cooperative rather than a self-centered competitive spirit. Proactively filling such a role confirms a man’s sense of significance, any loss of which is his greatest fear and especially loss of face to his wife.
  • Feminine women promote chastity, honor lengthy courtship, and highly value marital longevity. It keeps the Marrying Man on track to earn what he seeks, a unique wife.
  • Feminine women claim dependence on their man and keep looking for ways to be grateful, both of which reflect respect that every man expects from his woman. It also encourages his sense of family responsibility.

And so, it ain’t easy to be feminine in today’s marketplace and domestic scene. But outcomes benefit women by more easily pleasing than blaming men.

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2462. Journey to Feminine — Group 14


Politically inspired and following their propaganda, feminists make up their own initiatives and deal with men and mates combatively. Relationships crumble and disintegrate under the competitive pressures of feminists refusing to quit, and men refusing to lose. Feminine women tend toward the opposite.

  1. Feminine women exploit their inborn patience to find, capture, and keep a man. They screen for quality of character, especially integrity and sense of responsibility; healthy habits, good work ethic, and heart willing to share.
  2. Where masculine strengths and manly civility are purposely not appreciated, men resent, resist, and sometimes retaliate. Respect of females is lost, as women yield their relationship skills to follow the feminist-inspired, sex-themed pop culture. It’s not that way with highly feminine women; they know that unearned appreciation works best for women. It also helps make them unique.
  3. Except for a man who falls in love at first sight, devotion forms over time from his actions to purposely please a woman, and it later doubles in strength when he learns that he’s pleased just to be pleasing her.
  4. Femininity teaches women to be chaste and therefore respectable, patient and therefore undemanding, and likeable and loyal and therefore loveable.
  5. Today’s relationships worsen in the modern world of masculine-style sexual freedom for females. Men and women first meet, interact, and even date. He initiates attention and persuasion. She follows by providing unobligated sex just for fun and lust, to see if she can ‘earn’ a boyfriend, or to see if she can get an obligation that could lead to marriage. She may even initiate somewhere along the line. It’s an attitude that fails for women trying to keep the man they lure and capture.
  6. Modern women lower their taste and expectations in men just to have a boyfriend or husband. Men lower their taste for what’s attractive, which turns more women into  disposables after conquest. That’s the popular model, but the feminine woman finds it distasteful, unattractive, and contrary to her expectations for her future life.
  7. Without a man, women find misery. With a husband, they often find misery. Which is the worst? Alone or with somebody? Her feminine intuition pushes a good woman to forget the misery and search and find satisfaction and gratitude. Whatever we think about, we get more of it.
  8. A sex-based relationship that women expect to work proves different than expected. At first blush, her anchor seems to hold him. Inevitable societal effects lead men to focus on more than one woman at a time. Then, as husbands shift focus to another blossom, wives retaliate by seeking escape from misery with a man to misery without one.

Feminists seek to be in charge in the foreground, to wrestle for control of present events, which is a man’s territory. They copy the masculine drive to compete and use legal combat and government pressure to gain dominance over men. It’s short-range thinking that leads to relationship disruptions and intolerance.

The feminine woman seeks to be in charge in the background, where she is better positioned to calm present-day upheavals and brighten future events and developments. Her feminine nature favors generating peace and cooperation with men and her man. She seeks to capture and exploit her man’s masculinity, incur favor, solicit support, and maintain domestic well-being. Her feminine-oriented relationship expertise produces success with those objectives.

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2461. Journey to Feminine — Part 13


The prevalence of doubt about Feminism in the social and domestic domains has energized much more thought of restoring feminine behavior. Feminine thinking and behavior guides women to make fewer mistakes dealing with men. So, this series continues to promote the feminine over the feminist.

  • The popular feminist attitude supports equal sharing of housekeeping and childcare responsibilities. Harsh female intentions to equalize workload weaken a man’s loyalty. Her likeability plummets and his love follows. Husbands resent, resist, and may retaliate against the friction caused in the expectation of marital equality. Most men don’t mind helping and cooperating, but they all recognize that equality is impossible to both achieve and sustain. Therefore, it has no place in their home; it’s not the wife so much as her politics.
  • Feminist-inspired women seem inept at winning the battle of the sexes. They face doubts or immense troubles whether trying to attract a good man, avoiding hit-and-run relationships, expecting a Mr. Right, screening for Mr. Good Enough, identifying worthless men before yielding sex, dodging the Manipulating Man, avoiding the violent man, capturing the Marrying Man, avoiding accumulation of troublesome ‘baggage’, buying into faithfulness, expecting to be loyal, avoiding the man’s game of shack up, living with a man for more than a few years, focusing on being likeable, growing into the right person to hold a man for life, and finding the right path that all women seek—the one to happiness.
  • Some even adopt stupid rationalizations: I can get pregnant to capture or hold a man. A married man is better than nothing. If we don’t cohabit, I’ll lose him. We’re great in bed, so he both loves me and can’t stay away from our great sex.

OTOH, a woman lives life with men or a man more successfully, when she lives it according to the feminine side of her female nature—so she favors maturity! She does not absolutely need a man, but she wants company or assistance at specific times in life—so she takes time! She wants a dependable relationship with someone stronger and perhaps more influential in shaping events that impact her and her children—so she generates patience! She wants help to brighten her future in a society dominated by catastrophes, powerful people, and unexpected events—so she judges carefully! She wants comfort in needy times and seeks companionship to prevent loneliness—so she sacrifices in the present to brighten her future! She particularly wants all those things by late in life—so she earns what she wants!

Feminist theory, dogma, and propaganda brought troublesome conditions to women dealing with men, and men have gained the upper hand. Male dominance continues to expand in sync with expansion of more sex as the standard female pursuit. Fortunately, mature women are beginning to see a brighter light in Femininity. More to follow.

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2460. Narcissistic/Codependent Marriage


Her Highness Femme raised questions about the narcissistic/codependent marriage? “Why is it so common these days, do you think? Has it always been around or is it a more recent phenomenon?”

It’s an effect that has always been around, because the cause has always been present. However, in our former old school culture the cause was much rarer. Society changed after the leftist revolutionaries brought us the cultural and sexual revolutions, and one result is more narcissistic adults and codependent marriages.

The cause is poor fathering and mothering. When the Baby Boomer generation jumped the cultural track to follow leftist politics, each of seven or eight generations* progressively weakened their ability to parent in the centuries-old traditional mold. Some may remember mottoes like ‘Don’t listen to anyone over thirty,’ which was propaganda aimed against parental leadership. Striking back against parental teaching and traditional values, each generation grew weaker at producing better adults.

Feminism accelerated the move into fashion and mothers especially developed child-raising techniques that work contrary to developing admirable adults.

As poorer kids and adults appeared in society, parents responded by trying to produce better kids, which they measured by how better the parents felt when the kids reflected credit on them. Then, kids started appearing as difficult and unmanageable; boys needful of Ritalin and girls victims of something of their own doing. It’s narrow but an accurate description of the path to narcissism and codependence.

You can see signs of the following in modern mothers. They over-manage to prevent independent play, over-train to make parents look good, over-supervise to prevent kids making mistakes, and over-dramatize their tiredness for having to do too much. Moms, in effect, cancel children’s ability to learn by themselves, to self-develop. They even award prizes for non-achievement, which is the ignorant and self-defeating practice aimed at improving self-esteem and which has the opposite effect. (Ignorant in that self-esteem can’t be upgraded but self-image is adversely affected.)

Momma is always close by and telling them what and what not to do. She insists on directing kids’ lives so that kids learn too little by themselves. Then, mom complains she’s overworked. She does too much for others to make her feel good about herself, but the process ruins kids for adulthood.

Kids have no responsibility placed on them except to be good kids and make the parents look good, responsible, and as over achievers. However, raised for that purpose, they become poor adults. Kids raised to be good adults—while parents absorb blame for all the embarrassing moments—become what parents and other adults hope to see.

Beginning when a child’s conscious mind opens in the third year of life, they become a self-developer and it lasts for life. That’s why people don’t want to be told HOW to do; they want to figure it out themselves. You can see it in toddlers, and it makes the popular technique of over-nurturing harmful to development.

What you see in the narcissistic/codependent marriage is adultolescents. They were denied self-development. They were always told HOW to live, eat, play, relate, dress, talk, not offend, be pleasant when it’s not felt, and do everything else according to parental directives. They were seldom encouraged to earn rewards and released to make and live with their mistakes. Without that development intent, they never learned that recovery is everything, which means they don’t know how to handle much in the way of adult matters.

When they passed through puberty, they lacked adult values, standards, and expectations, and their minds filled up with teenage pop culture values, standards, and expectations. Consequently, they don’t escape adolescence even though they are physically mature. What’s left wives see as narcissism and co-dependence in their mates. Sometimes husbands see that in their mates.

*I perceive a new generation when kids enter first grade and leave home for a time their own, so to speak. Their siblings six or seven years younger will live a sub-culture life very different in toys, music, attractions, values, standards, expectations, banter, chatter, terms, popular vocabulary, and friends. It makes each generation different from the previous, and society changes much more frequently than before prosperity enabled such explosive change.

 

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