2635. How to Love a Man, or Not


Her Highness Beloved triggers this post. We previously differed on this point. Men learn how to love a woman from mothers, girls, and other women in their lives. Or else, they don’t satisfy women in matters of love.

Beloved responds by first quoting me: “‘Have women forgotten how to love a man?’ Please explain what this looks like in as complete and simplistic terms as you can. Because how are women supposed to know this if no one teaches them? See, it goes both ways, doesn’t it?”

Nope, nowhere near both ways. The sexes are very different regarding the subject of love. First, loving both self and others is fundamental to the female nature. Second, loving self and someone is uppermost in the female mind. Third, women learn how to love a man from their mothers, generation to generation. Men are into none of that.

Men are born to love what they accomplish, do, and pursue. They have the ability to love others, but it requires development to match female-type love; that is, enough to satisfy a woman. Nevertheless, for practical if no other reason, men use the name of love as expedient to get their way with women. He can be devoted and even bonded with a woman, but a man’s true love arises out of only one event—his decision to marry as described at 2558.

——

Back to Beloved’s challenge. How have women forgotten to love a man? They do wrong things or don’t do right things. Here are many examples.

A woman has forgotten when she DOESN’T:

  • Follow her heart about loving her man, but instead follows and copies the attitudes she sees in popular media, fashionable customs, feminist venues, and women’s mags.
  • Withhold blame and accusations until her patience shows up as angelic to her.
  • Let modesty, feminine grace, and female mystery govern her actions even after marriage.
  • Allow him to govern present day matters with her patience and ability to compensate long term.
  • Plan and shape the future of their relationship ahead of time.
  • Admire him for who he is, what he does, and how he faces up to fulfilling his responsibilities.
  • Admire his sense of duty.
  • Admire his husbanding and fathering abilities.
  • Accept that self-respect is to men what self-love is to women.
  • Accept that a man’s accomplishments to satisfy himself are as meaningful to him as a woman sharing her love with someone else.
  • Recognize that a man’s accomplishments reinforce his self-respect; when it gets low, he has little respect to show someone else such as his wife.
  • See this connection: Men are motivated to admire themselves by accomplishing things until they are satisfied. On arrival from his job daily, he is satisfied and expects to recover with R&R—unless he decides otherwise and faces up to another duty.

She has forgotten how to love when she:

  • Thinks her magnificent words of love will overcome their ups and downs.
  • Fashions their attitude around feminist dogma and popular opinion.
  • Ignores or disputes him on matters about present-day affairs.
  • Compares him against celebrities or other men. Even if he comes out favorable, it’s bad practice because it’s habit forming for her.
  • Admires other men or masculine habits that her man doesn’t possess.
  • Tries to manipulate him, especially by withholding sex.
  • Fails to stamp out blame in both family and relationship.
  • Expects to motivate him with guilt.
  • Tries to keep him happy; men don’t do happy. They do satisfied.
  • Contradicts him in front of others.
  • Expects him to make her happy. First, it’s her responsibility. Second, her happiness flows out of her gratitude and little else.
  • Expects him to mother the children; he can’t find satisfaction in copying mom, which means that his sense of self-admiration takes a hit.

In the matter of love, women are proactive, men passive, and women tirelessly try to make men more active. It’s that way because women have all the talent and skill for loving someone. It’s their mission in life, while men have to develop love of someone mostly on the fly until they marry and settle down. Even then they can remain beginners for life.

I could go on, but one lesson encapsulates success for women. It’s why love is never enough, and it poses the toughest question for women. Is he worth this? Does she love him enough to do this?

Men can do without love but not without satisfaction; that’s how they measure their success in life and with others. His satisfaction spells marital success, whereas her dedication to loving him may or may not.

Women can more easily distinguish satisfaction in a man’s behavior than other  emotions of direct consequence to their relationship. IOW, he’s born ready to be compatible with her strength.

Consequently, success more easily follows her if she patterns their life together and governs their relationship this way. 1) Make and keep him satisfied in association with her as friend, wife, lover, cook, partner, sweetheart, mother, and the other roles she fills from time to time. 2) Make and keep him satisfied living with her. She learns to love managing their lives together, instead of continually showering him with affection that men don’t appreciate the way women do. 3) Enable him to conclude that his most significant, well-reasoned, masterful, and rewarded decision was to marry her. No man wants to leave that situation.

Out of that never-look-back decision, he concludes that his value to himself has been served in the best fashion possible. His self-admiration never ends and self-satisfaction keeps his spirits up. Expressing her love plays whatever roles and timely influences are required to keep him satisfied. Her words of love are never enough; they benefit her but her actions satisfy him.

It doesn’t get any simpler, because God designed women with the ability to breed success with a Mr. Good Enough and morph him into her Mr. Right. But love is never enough, neither hers nor his.

Finally, arguments to the contrary notwithstanding, men learn how to love from all the women that pass through their lives before they get serious about one in particular. That’s when they get the real message so essential to keep her; they have to want her first. In the end, men’s lives are governed by what they think of themselves. You can find more of that in the menu at blog top titled MANLY CLAIMS FROM BIRTH.

 

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2634. Censored Comment


I received a man’s comment on 2633. He’s irate with women and rants too long, disrespectfully, and with foul mouth. It’s more about the manosphere, but I can share the opening part of what Bookooball has to say. If you think you don’t need it, read it anyway. The enemies are at war, and only women can fix it. I say again, only women can fix it, but they are not underway yet doing it. Unfortunately, still headed in the wrong direction.

“These new age hippies have all been brainwashed by feminist yentas in the marxist indoctrination camps we call universities. They get a useless degree in women’s studies, then go run around larping about a battle with the “patriatchy”. Talk about daddy issues!

“Well, not to say some women don’t have shitty fathers, they project their misandry out into society, downplaying man’s burden to build and maintain society. Ignoring the fact every brick of every building she has ever laid eyes on was put their (sic) by a man.

“Of course, their whole plan is to destroy the family, because western civilization has gotten boring to them. This is how they doublespeak women’s rights out of one side of their mouth, while promoting the mass immigration of muslims out the other.”

Feminism paved the sick and slick road of making enemies of men and women, disrupting family stability and influence, and centering female politics around leftist doctrine.

Now, men are unwilling to discourage or give up cheap and easy sex that costs women their self-respect and comes home to roost in middle age as regrets about previous behavior. Manosphere is the masculine rebellion against whom they recognize as the cause of female unwillingness to respect men, which requires female self-respect lost in promiscuous lifestyles.

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2633. Universal Motivators: Compatible Love and Sex Drives


Many major motivators come out of our biological history; all provided to ensure that our species doesn’t die off. They shape our lives more dramatically than women realize or men care. Our amazing design inheritance that began at post 2631 continues here. I describe different but compatible motivations that arise from the genders.

Men are what they do; they compete independently to dominate the what of living life together. Women are who they are; they dependently cooperate to dominate the how of living life together. He focuses on the present, as he can handle what’s coming tomorrow. She focuses on the future, to make it easier for what he faces tomorrow.

  • Competition vs. Cooperation. Everyone wants to get his way. Women need and prefer peace in both their relationships and raising offspring. Intuitively, relationship peace comes easier when women persuade men to honor the female way of life instead of women trying directly to get their way with men. Cooperate as will husbands and wives to live together amicably, they continually compete. Each with opposed motivational intent to get their way with the other, he mostly in the present, she mostly for their future. It matters considerably who dominates the present and their future together, but two complimentary genders manage to work it out amidst eight different mixtures of love and sex drives.
  • Dominant Gender. Men can get their way by force—physical, emotional, trickery—or the willingness of a woman to yield to a man’s persona. Men have little else to work with associating with the same woman over time. Consequently, relationships are the work of woman, at least the wives.
  • Superior Gender. Women sense it but instinctively do not disclose that female is the superior gender. Men are dominant. However, unclaimed and unadvertised superiority can render male dominance peaceful. Apparently the weaker of the two sexes, women are endowed with expertise capable of resisting and even overcoming male dominance. They are able to persuade men to give up their independent lives for the sake of helping fulfill female hopes and dreams. It’s mostly done in the arena of love and sex.
  • Female Love. The female nature is flooded with two kinds of love. One is mind- and heart-driven but subject to change or termination, conditional and not permanent. The other is more powerfully and permanently energized by specially designed hormones energized by pregnancy and giving birth; we call it mother-love. It motivates women to influence men to join up as couples for life. Being so unique and unchangeable, it has a hormone-driven counterpart in the male nature. Women understand mother love, but they can’t fathom its male counterpart.
  • Male Love. Men are what they do. Born with two different versions of love, men find love as they fulfill their sense of responsibility and duty. It shapes who they are and what they do to sustain that love. As an offshoot, they can find under the proper relationship conditions that they can and do love a woman. Love of children is a function of the masculine sense of being responsible for them and what goes with them.
  • Female Sex Drives. As men do, women have two sex drives. Physiological desire to conceive and psychological desire to confirm her importance in life and value to her man.
  • Male Sex Drives. The male nature is flooded with two very different sex drives. Both are hormone driven, but one is more so and is unique and unchangeable. As intense and unchanging as the female counterpart of mother-love, the primary version motivates men to endlessly chase attractive women, conquest only on their mind.

It boils down to this. Mother-love and a man’s primal drive to initiate first time sex with attractive women are virtual equivalents in terms of their importance in life and propagation of the species. Men spread their seed; mothers keep children close to more effectively raise them, and we keep multiplying just as God figured we would.

I don’t know if God planned or handled it, but women perceived millennia ago that they were disadvantaged. Men got the most pleasure, while women got the heaviest burden.

It was a raw environment, however, so God also made us compatible, gave us free-will, enabled us to grow a self-image, let us aim at getting our way, motivated us through self-interest, and taught that competition produced the best results for everyone, but women were specially designed to exploit cooperation to better get their way in life.

Out of that scramble, the superior sex led the dominant gender into both lifetime commitment as couples and dedicated to marriage as relationship glue. Who said she’s the weaker sex?

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2632 — Universal Motivators: The Grand Design


Again, pardon the hubris for presuming to know what God intended. But this is the conclusion I draw from how humans have acted and reacted over the millennia.

This seems to be the grand design, the original model. Men are motivated to spread their seed. Mothers are motivated to raise their children. Readers are motivated to read something else.

Men have little or no incentive to love or be loved by only one woman. Depositors of seed favor moving on and have little natural interest in helping with kids. However, females possess a unique relationship expertise that persuades one man of choice to let one woman of choice get her way.

Spreading being easier than raising kids, women seek fathers to help ease female burdens. They use love as primary method and find cooperation more valuable than competition. Consequently, women give up getting their way in the present in order to bless their future with a man’s presence—but they eventually learn a major exception exists.

Thus, the battle of the sexes organizes, begins, and continues.

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2631. Universal Motivators (Revised)


Being the superior gender, women have ability, but not all know enough to satisfy a man or themselves with a man. Most need more knowledge, and the following universal motivators  may help. I present motivational forces common to both sexes here and motivational differences in the next article. It’s also background for other articles.

God must have designed both sexes this way, because it’s the way we act and interact.

  • Compatible. Both sexes are designed such that each man and woman can be a compatible mate. However, it may be harder to be one than find or keep one.
  • Self-image. Since childhood, each of us carries and maintains a picture of who we are, what we can do, and how well we like ourselves in our various roles in life. The picture continually and subconsciously updates out of the life we live.
  • Self-interest. We are all motivated by self-interest. It’s who we are in terms of what we do and think. Plus, we are all endowed with free will that provides the independence needed to live and guide self-interest to our advantage.
  • Get My Way. Life is shaped by intention and ability to get our way with things, in events, and among people we encounter. Self-interest is the governor that guides us and by which we don’t overdo it. Also, we try competitively to at least not lose in matters that directly affect self-interest.
  • Competition. All four motivators above come together to energize us to compete with other members of both sexes. In that way, endless competition determines what happens on earth. Whether peaceful or not, it’s the most dynamic, balancing, and productive method by which everyone pursues self-interest. Having the ability and sensing opportunity to compete, we are inspired to do the best we can for ourselves. Others doing the same generates the balance.

Summary. Compatibility with a mate is life’s objective, and we are all invited. Self-image enables us to vary the speed of life. Self-interest gets us into and out of trouble, enabled by free-will that provides essential and independent thought. To get my way enables us to shape life as we desire it. Competition keeps us together and yet enables us to produce an independent and worthwhile life.

As necessity is mother of invention and frustration is the father. So, hope is the mother of competition and progress is the father.

In short, human design turns us loose to do the best we can serving ourselves in the hope that we can someday share our good fortune with a mate of choice. Pardon the hubris, but God must have also intended for us to multiply successfully enough that we would not become extinct. It’s next.

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2630. She Can’t Win with Mistakes


Women don’t know jack about Jack, and worsens all across society. Many break up relationships without understanding their mistakes. Many can’t keep a man, no matter how hard they try. Many can’t capture a guy for anything more than sex. Empty ring fingers abound in the public scene.

Men are not innocent, but that’s another subject. They primarily respond to female actions and reactions. Modern men are prompted by women to treat women opposite to what women desire, and it explains one purpose behind this article. Until women learn more about the male nature, they will continue to prompt men and some men to energetically mistreat females and children.

Women blame men when they react differently than women expect. Showering a man with her love, she expects the same in return. Her unreturned love—as she expects it—causes frustrations that foster even more womanly mistakes. Thus, women who think wrongly or foolishly expect men to be motivated as women are about the following matters. IOW, her love doesn’t overcome and much less works wonders. Examples:

  • Sex does not bond a man, whether first or last time. Sex is just sex to a man, pleasurable but nothing further, neither promising nor permanent.
  • Conquest, an event that may promise a lasting relationship to the woman, frees the man from dedication to his victim and to begin looking for the next one. It’s his nature and not her; he’s free by virtue of God’s design and hormones.
  • Men do not manage relationships. If theirs needs fixing, it’s not a relationship and he can do with someone else.
  • Women expect a man’s love to appear pretty much as a copy of hers. Not so, never, and she’s foolish to even think it.
  • Women give away all they have—sex, sexual history, inner feelings— and expect receiver-man to do the same or equivalent. It directly prevents earning a man’s respect, which has to be present for his love to form.

A clearer picture of who and what women are up against will follow soon. (Scheduled for post 2631 but could be delayed).

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2629. Marital Superglue, Start to Finish


I keep reminding readers that love is never enough. However, I may have found the exception. It applies to marriage alone and neither dating nor courtship (except as she judges a man’s being worthy of it).

After more than a decade of analyzing and writing about relationships that arise out of motivations inherited at birth, I finally identified the single most important ingredient capable of sealing a marriage into an eternal one.

If you use the proposed strategy, you will be puzzled at first by the ease of future success. You should subordinate all else to the long-range satisfaction of husband, which exploits your female need for a brighter future. It doesn’t mean you ignore present expectations or frustrations of husband or yourself, but you manage outcomes to add flavor to satisfaction that lasts beyond today or current event.

Also, as managing your marital relationship becomes easier, you will also turn more grateful for yourself.

Your job is simple; you get constant feedback, because you aim to get it. From it, you learn to more accurately read husband’s conclusions. With one single aim, you learn how to act and react according to what and why husband acts, reacts, speaks, infers, and implies. With one strategy, many peripheral matters become insignificant and quickly eliminated as you read his actions and reactions and interpret his words into meaning for you.

You should make it standard practice to love satisfying your man first and foremost. When he recognizes that he’s blessed with a helluva good woman who keeps him satisfied, his role as successful man is automatically realized.

Here’s the strategy. Learn to love satisfying husband and keeping him satisfied more than you actually love him as person, love object, hugger. Too much of a good thing for you can be too much for your man after romantic love fades.

The strategy takes your focus off of using attention and affection and focuses on getting him to please you just for being present in his life. That is, he’s satisfied with himself and the life he carved out and made successful. Of course, he’s not the one who actually does all the work, but he gets all the credit for being responsible as the originator of the marital adventure. Keep it up to date insofar as possible with these three things.

  • He is and continues to be satisfied with you as wife, lover, friend, smiling companion, mother of kids, solver of problems that don’t concern him, etc.
  • He is and continues to be satisfied living with you. 1) You recognize, respect, appreciate, and depend upon his providing, producing, protecting, and solving of problems too big for you. 2) You respect his independence to deal with his job and never intrude without his asking. 3) In marital disputes and negotiations, he usually concludes himself the winner. With typical feminine charm, patience, wit, and smiles, you enable him to appear that way.

As a woman, think of it this way, because it’s closer to truth that what many women expect. A satisfied man radiates his love whether it shows or not. The question for you: Did you provide it over time or did he accomplish something self-satisfying today? You can tell the difference when you love to satisfy him, and that’s why the strategy is so effective. It makes your life simpler if not easier.

OTOH, if you consider a man or your man unworthy of that kind of attention and courtesy, you shouldn’t marry him. If already married, you should color your marriage as temporary. A man’s satisfaction with himself born out of his satisfaction with you, living with you, and enjoying his wisdom for having married you, those make up the marital superglue.

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