2508. Exotic vs. ‘Girl Next Door’ (Revisited)

NOTE: The following is the blog’s most popular article, first posted in February 2012. Thought you might find it interesting. To add clarity, exotic is a unique female and erotic is a women focused on sex. The exotic can be anyone other than the girl next door too.


If you recall, this blog focuses on the basic nature of men and women before morality, religion, race, ethnicity, and personal values and emotions become involved. Readers question the appeal to men of exotic and ‘the girl next door’.

Men first judge with their eyes. Exotic appears strikingly different. The girl next door looks very familiar. What predominately appeals to men— the familiar or the different? Actually, they’re apples and oranges not to be compared but just described.


  1. The girl next door is not 5’5”, white, blonde, blue eyed, and freckled. She’s normal, feminine or tomboy, and mainstream. But, she’s just visible to the boy next door until her female prettiness starts to shine in his face late in adolescence. Perception is reality and whatever appears to be, is. She grew pretty enough over the time that he knew her.
  2. She’s friendly and easy to know, feminine, unlike other girls, and so unique that after the neighbor boy’s hormone hurricane moderates somewhat late in his teens, she takes on a mature air of invincibility he hadn’t seen before. Her previous independence has mellowed such that he becomes far more interested in her as woman than as friend. Her heart and mind now outshine her external attractiveness.
  3. Factually, it’s not a girl but a process. It’s the lengthy but accidental development. Kind of like an offline relationship. Men and women do it too. Accidentally brought together, both grow over time until they accept the other’s faults as far less important than their appealing virtues, i.e., they qualify to take it online.
  4. Women use the erotic archetype to excuse their lack of feminine diligence for looking pretty, acting feminine, mastering an intriguing smile, fostering good relationships with men of little or no interest to them, and otherwise improving their chances for capturing and marrying a man. They consider their situation as needful of erotic symbols instead of as a process, and it leads them to fool themselves.
  5. Don’t blame guys for falling for the girl next door. It could be you. To be like the gal next door, learn to develop and harmonize a deeper relationship with a friend, guy next door, or someone else to whom you are accidentally exposed. It’s the process more than the girl.


A strikingly unique woman appeals to men either as newfound beauty, sex object, or both. Consequently, exotic women are the same as others; they just have something different. What they do with the difference shapes their lives. Since they can’t be separated, newfound beauty and sex appeal morph in men’s eyes from exotic to erotic. So let’s shift to that.

  • Erotic features are merely that. Features! Hips or lips, breasts or buns. They all have appeal. Whether to embellish them or not, that’s the question. Erotic works to objectify a woman for sex. Exploit it and attract players. However, whatever suggests sex is much less attractive to the Marrying Man; he looks for something else, and a unique version of female beauty satisfies best.
  • Generally, the more obvious a woman tries to exploit her erotic features, the less interesting she looks for much beyond sex. Furthermore, observers may or may not see the eroticism intended and may or may not even be interested. Let’s face it; a truly erotic appearing woman is definitely not mainstream. Men do, however, mostly stay married to mainstream gals. So, it’s another disadvantage. Erotic-appearing women don’t appear as particularly good candidates for marriage, at least on the surface.
  • So, ladies, think of erotic features as more neutral than usable. To use such features to your advantage, don’t emphasize them; downplay them with feminine subtlety and female modesty. Use them to generate curiosity. Men transmute their curiosity into imagination and use it to take the full measure of you. If you have some exotic feature(s), it holds little value beyond what it symbolizes in either your or some man’s imagination. (It was on another subject but it applies here: Einstein said, “Imagination is more important than knowledge.”)
  • After all, what role does an erotic appearance play for a man once he closes his eyes, such as in bed, such as in marriage, such as when he dumps you?

Exotic women improve their chances of attracting the Marrying Man if they downplay eroticism and encourage men to get to know them personally. That is, minimize the erotic, emphasize the exotic, and appear more feminine and unique than just a different female. Align those features more closely and you compete better with mainstream women, for they are your competitors for a man. Erotic women compete with men for sex, so they can do as well as other women and not be left sitting on the sidelines.


Filed under boobs, feminine, Her glory, How she wins, The mind

2507. Leftovers about Love and Respect

To tame and lead a man to permanently accept domestic life with her, she has to tame his conquering urge by refusing sex until his respect underwrites the development and anchors his love.

Men have two instinctive sex drives. A one-time urge with many women and a dedicated urge with one woman. As an unconquered woman, she earns respect through his dedicated effort and her refusal to yield. As a conquered woman, she seeks to earn his loyalty to her alone, which is much easier if she earned a lot of his respect and allows it to grow into his love of her.

Once she’s been conquered, his desire changes dramatically. His respect stops growing. He was good enough to conquer, so he need not try harder. She’s disposable. If he returns to her for sex, it’s for other reasons such as desire, love, or booty. Reserved for women already conquered, the male secondary drive becomes active and energizes his drive for frequent and convenient access to sex. That is, resolve his physiological rather than earlier psychological urges tied to conquest.

A woman need not be virgin, just act like one. She needs to proactively makes herself attractive physically, personality-wise, and with sexual attractiveness protected by modesty. Even if married before, she holds sex in the background. Not something to be spoken of or brought into the dating arena. She hides it behind a curtain of self-respect and modesty, unwilling to share until he has earned it and she doesn’t disclose what it takes to earn her. The more valuable to her and kept to herself, the more his respect of her grows, his eagerness programs his heart about her increasing worth, and the greater is her worth and his self-satisfaction when conquest finally occurs.

Generally, acting virgin-like, she is passive to his initiatives. She competes with him on only one matter, delay his conquest as long as practicable. Refuse to discuss sex, refuse to accept his hands in unwanted places, avoid deep passion, avoid his traps, make him earn whatever she decides to share—whether words or actions.

Men are intrigued by a woman’s unique mystery and self-respect; they are out to conquer that more than sex with her, which in the final analysis of love creation is only symbolic. The more respect she earns for protecting her self-identified honor, the more mysterious she becomes because of strong self-respect, character, and will power.

Over time as he pleases her with his actions, he comes to like it more and more. When those pleasing actions please him just to please her, then his devotion starts to build. It takes time to become habit. But his devotion is more everlasting than just his love.

Good habits develop from his actions and not her words. So, while she spends time refusing to have sex but keeping him from dumping her, she is brightening her future with his accumulating sense of enjoyment with her that after a while morphs into her likeability and his devotion. Likeability and loyalty precede his love, and devotion sustains it. Continued in marriage, it lasts a lifetime.

If a man doesn’t spend a lot of his time and invest himself, neither her importance to him or his devotion develops. So, if she yields too soon, he has insufficient time to self-develop into loving her, and she has too little time earning his respect, likeability, and devotion.

The Virtual Virginity series listed in CONTENT at HOME page explains many of the details of near virginity that any woman can use to promote herself by delaying conquest.


Filed under boobs, courtship, feminine, How she wins, marriage, The mind

2506. Men are Never More Handsome…. A Revisit

At 2505 Her Highness Honorfemineity mentioned a subject fond in my heart and  worthy of revisit. I first published 2059 two years ago.

At 2058 Her Highness Prettybeans said to me. “Men are never more handsome as when they continue in their tireless efforts to teach and encourage recovery among ladies. Thank you.” Thus, she gives me both a perfect payday and perfect opportunity to further explain men.

When a man does something he considers a responsibility or obligation, it may be nice but he doesn’t expect to be thanked. It’s his duty. It’s the flip side of an unearned gift. Moreover, in today’s world, thank you is as worn out in sincerity as “I apologize.” So men pay little attention to thank you. Unless of course it’s extended as part of a hug from a pretty woman, which makes what he hears even less relevant.

OTOH, surprisingly expressed indirect compliments work wonders. Even reading Prettybeans above, note that the sentence is flooded with meaning for me that makes “Thank you” virtually unnoticeable.

I propose you ladies learn to charm men in general by charming individuals of opportunity. Charm both known and unknown men with indirect compliments wrapped in female boldness that produces the feminine advantage that women long to have. The benefits come to women from the effects they have on the masculine mind.

My favorite indirect compliment is this: “Men are never more handsome than when they please a lady (for whatever they do).” Use it every time a man pleases you. Opens the door, seats you at table, lets you go ahead of him in a waiting line, husband does laundry or brings you flowers. It doesn’t matter. If a man pleases you, suggest that he just might be made more handsome for doing it. You like to be reminded that you’re pretty don’t you? Indirectness works best with men.

  • First, you have not hit on him. You merely used a surprisingly pleasant way of expressing gratefulness for manly conduct that pleases you as a woman. After the same man has heard it several times, the surprise may evaporate but the friendly reminder will only fade slightly if at all.
  • When you claim yourself as a lady a few times, you will benefit both yourself and set standards for men. Up to which men learn to step when convinced you are what you claim repeatedly.
  • The phrasing makes it sound routine for other men. Strangers read it that you are routinely pleased by other men and it generates uncommon friendliness. Men you know are encouraged to do more to stay ahead of their competitors and to keep you pleased with them.
  • Men love to be called handsome by women, but you didn’t call him that. You call him one of many. He has to infer that he’s included among the pleasers of women, which encourages more because of the success you surprise him with.
  • Although delivered directly, you pass an indirect compliment. He has to make it personal. If he’s handsome for pleasing you, then his male competitors are too. To compete better, he’s encouraged to please you and perhaps others as opportunities arise. He sees women as targets to uplift as unique and deserving of his ability to please. It’s a natural follow-on to his success among competitors. He only has to connect pleasing women to earning self-admiration to make him a better man in the eyes of females.

It works in writing, just as Prettybeans wrote to me above. But, ladies, if you want the full effect, do it this way. For example, a stranger speeds up to hold open the door for you to enter a public building. Halfway through or after the door closes, stop to gain his attention, smile sincerely, capture his eyeballs with yours, and BOLDLY say, “You know, (pause) men are never more handsome than when they please a lady.” And don’t say thank you. Just continue to smile and walk on with something like “Have a good day.”

He can’t just hear it either. His ears are not his primary sensor. Belief only comes when he sees your earnestness. Eye-to-eye displays feminine courage that men respect.

I understand you ladies can’t accept what I propose. It requires too much boldness among other sensibilities. Were I in your shoes, I probably wouldn’t think of such a thing. Remember, I’m pushing you no harder than showing an example. Primarily, I’m using it to explain the male mind. You have to figure out how to make men please you, as modern men don’t seem too eager except in pursuit of sex. Only women can train men to do the right thing as women see what is right. Most women think it’s right for them to be pleased and especially by men. That’s why I’m here to help.

I promise you this. Provided you do it boldly, smilingly, and with eyeballs locked with his when you say it, you will find significant pleasure in their reactions. You’ll recognize that you’ve charged them up with new pleasure and perhaps fascination in you. When a woman makes a man feel fantastic about himself, she assumes an aura of respectability that modern women lack.

What’s the effect on him? Think it through. You just convinced one man that ladies have standards up to which a man can easily find success, can find pleasure doing for others. To be more significant, to find more self-admiration, he only needs to please more women. How can that not be good? How can that not enhance the importance of a woman?

If you recall their natures, women are born to be good and men to do good. But women have to determine what is good for men to do. When men determine what is good, women find it mostly ‘ungood’ for them.

If women are ever to stop or even slow modern society’s slide from goodness toward evil, they must let men know that female standards not only exist but need to be honored. The way to gain honor is to encourage men to do good, specifically do what women expect. The simple “Men are never more handsome…” can jumpstart any woman’s contribution to pleasing men by pleasing herself to please men in ways that benefit Womanhood.


Filed under Culture & Politics, Dear daughter, Feminism: OOPS!, How she wins, Sociology 101

2505. Two Kinds of His Respect for Her

These are the two damnedest phenomena in all of human relations—and least understood by females.  1) A man has two sex drives. One that drives him to conquer unconquered women. Another satisfies his physiological desire for frequent sex with a woman already conquered—a distinct pair of primal urges.

2) He also has two levels of respect for a woman. The first she earns by refusing to yield to his conquering urges. The more time involved refusing him—and ingenuity and originality used to outwit, outsmart, and outmaneuver without his losing interest—the more respect she earns.

If he had her worthy sexual assets, he would make someone pay a hefty price to access them, and so he respects resistance and is willing to compete with her until after conquest. The growth of his respect stops with conquest, but it so impresses him that it stores permanently in his subconscious. It’s a natural function attached to his urge to conquer. She won his respect and he never loses that foundation upon which his love develops.

The second form of his respect is far less permanent. It is what she earns by virtue of post-conquest behavior in her multiple roles in life, such as sex partner, wife, mother, friend, talented artist, or sport or political figure. It can add to development of his love, but is secondary to respect earned before conquest.


Modern women miss the boat. He seeks to conquer her without obligation; she seeks to conquer him for marriage. The winner has the greatest managerial control of their future relationship, but he knows nothing of relationship management and knows little but to exploit male dominance. Consequently, the greater his respect she earns before conquest, the more willingly he accepts the female governance that enables her to manage a successful marriage.

Both sexes are born to be compatible and mate. Men are willing if rewarded for husbanding and fathering, generally with comfort, enjoyment, few complaints, and plenty of smiles. Women hope for permanence and their relationship expertise provides the talent and skill to produce it. To use it, however, they need his respect even more than his love. OTOH, unmarried sex makes females the inferior spouse, because they lose the masculine respect needed to convince a man to live the life of which women dream and which either God intended or evolution programmed into us.


Filed under courtship, Dear daughter, feminine, marriage, sex differences

2504. He Learns to Love Her

For the sake of discussion, let’s say women are exposed to three kinds of men.

  • The player apparently has no interest in her; he acts as though she’s just a figurine nearby. She makes herself attractive, but he refuses to acknowledge it in any way. He may even act bored in her company, which smacks her ego so hard that she feels she must have him as her own. Trapped by her enthusiasm, it leads to his exit strategy—conquest and dumped.
  • The infatuated man finds her so strikingly attractive that he forgets to be cool. He is too eager, pleasing, and respectful for her to find him respectable. Her exit strategy, drop him politely if possible.
  • The gentleman moves slowly. He protects his own ego by avoiding rejection by not being quick to invite himself into her life. Even slow to flirt, he awaits a few of her signals that he is free to be more open. He first earns her respect, which enables her to earn his respect by matching his demeanor. Somewhere in his life he learned that mutual respect is the most important requirement for a successful relationship.

The question for a woman becomes how to convert the gentleman into husband for life. The answer is simple but highly complex to do: Get him to love you devotedly. It happens in a process that I shall describe but that in no way represents real life as you will live it. It’s how a man’s nature requires certain satisfactions that lead him to fall into a woman’s lap as husband. Yes, free him up with encouragements that enable him to do all the work and then stay out of his way.

First, he needs to respect females generally and respect you as a unique woman. What if his opinion of women is ungood. It’s a red flag. Example: Players lack respect for the female gender. You have to work harder to earn greater respect or drop him as unqualified for you.

Second, he needs a lot of time associating successfully with you. He has to figure out that you each to the other are likeable personalities, loyal as couple, and faithful sexually. Do or can you add comfort and enjoyment to his present life? He expects it without doubt, if you couple up.

Third, you stay out of his way like this.

  • Don’t try to nurture or mother him or in any way try to get him to love you. Expect him to initiate relationship activities.
  • Keep your mouth shut about love and any connections you may feel. The quieter you are about the relationship, the more he has to figure out. Men believe much better what they figure out than what they are told. He has to believe that he loves you before he actually does, and so he has to figure it out for himself.
  • Make him earn whatever you give him. From hugs to kisses to favors to affection to love. Be patient, go slow, and insist that he do the same. Don’t try to impress him, except that your admiration of his accomplishments impress you. If at all possible, make him the first to say, “I love you.” When you say it first, he thinks he has it made and quits trying so hard to win you. He figures conquest is just around the next corner.

While you are doing those things, his mind is busy. The male nature is programmed to accomplish what satisfies a man. What I describe as steps merge together into one constantly developing process that emerges out of his determined effort to get you into bed. Figuring out your place in his life happens in no certain order although I describe it that way.

  • He’s looking for your weaknesses that will facilitate getting you in bed. Your job is to keep him looking, finding them, but making sure they fail to work for him.
  • He instead finds that you have qualities that he never suspected or was not previously interested. Each quality that he admires becomes virtue to him, and men seek to marry a virtuous woman. It means that the longer he searches for weaknesses, the more virtues he uncovers. It means, even more importantly, that his respect for you grows because you have the self-respect to protect your chastity against his charm, entreaties, and perhaps love as he may proclaim it.
  • You exercise due caution and refuse to be sexually exploited. Almost accidentally his curiosity arouses, his imagination soars according to how emotionally attractive you are to him. Somewhere along the line he realizes that he wants you more than he wants sex with you. IOW, the latter can wait while he focuses on not losing you.
  • His verbal commitment, followed by courtship, enables more virtues to accumulate and compound. He starts pleasing himself by pleasing you more and more, which is the development of devotion. Devotion grows and morphs into fascination. At some point, in a surprising realization, he concludes he can’t live without you. The surprise upgrades his mind from your fascinating likeability into a new app. He perceives you as full of promise as a potential mate.
  • Spurred by his imagination, his judgment shifts you from potential mate to possible wife. Thinking himself unable to do without you, his focus changes. He looks for your promise as his life-partner, which casts the lure of your help to routinely uplift his present life and fulfill his ambitions. That realization qualifies you as highly desired wife. After imagining the full consequences of that, he envisions a trip to the altar. You hold so much promise that he can no longer ignore it.
  • He proposes, is accepted, turns the arrangements over to you and your mother and friends. Game, set, match. He only has to get himself to the altar on time, if she’s smart enough to leave him out of the preparations to protect her mystique.

Thus, just by being yourself and not trying to accelerate the process or convince him to commit or marry, by showing extensive patience, you pave with undisclosed female dreams the pathway to the altar. You dodge his search for weakness, demo your abundant qualities that he can admire, and await the proposal in his good time.

As I hope you have seen, the nature of men produces a premarital process and commitment agenda very different from both the womanly process and whatever women envision for men. Women are fond of makeovers in appearance because men appreciate the results. If more women had makeovers in virtuous behavior—aka feminine, moral, religious, and anti-feminist qualities—I predict that men would appreciate it. Many more would step up to the monogamous plate

You win by setting ablaze his curiosity, imagination, and subconscious mind. A fire that you can’t start directly and effectively, only subtly and indirectly. That’s why manipulation and pushing a man to the altar makes a marriage short-lived. You have to let him determine his commitment, devotion, and time to propose. To figure important things out himself is to believe he is doing the right thing when he yields his independence to you. When that conviction remains for life, so does the marriage.


Filed under courtship, feminine, How she wins, marriage

2503. Both Born to Love

Not surprising, the sexes differ many ways at birth but amazingly different about love. It’s a wonder they ever find enduring compatibility when they mate up. It’s a major reason women have to work so enterprisingly to catch and keep a man.

Men are born as described below but they don’t live life that severely. Mothers and girls touch their lives before they grow up, and it makes them much more acceptable and female friendly. Later in life, however, women mistakenly think a man is simple to understand, that he can be captured by sex, won by her love, and kept by her intention to produce a great married life. Her exuberance turns him off as he takes it as unearned gift, which men do not appreciate nearly as intended.

Men are born to love sex for the sake of sex, love work for the sake of personal satisfaction, and love a woman for the sake of comfort and enjoyment she adds to his present life. Love to men is more a series of independent actions than words or process. He has other things to do; his agenda calls.

Oriented toward accomplishment, words mean little but actions mean much. A man is a self-developed, -composed, and -strengthened individual. He requires so little from others, only what he determines he needs, and that is seldom words of love. Consequently, he doesn’t easily share his love, and when he does it is with actions rather than words. He is notoriously inconsiderate, shortsighted, or absent when a woman’s ears crave just a few words to confirm his love.

Women are born to love 1) someone bigger than themselves for the sake of guidance in how to live, parents in childhood and God later. 2) They are born to love love for its own sake and can’t be happy without sharing the love in their heart. 3) They love a mate for the sake of being loved intimately, both emotionally and physically. 4) They provide mother love for the sake of completing their personal fulfillment. Love to women is more a continuous process of mutually confirming actions and words.

Women wonder why their man can’t be more expressive with his love. Three reasons: He’s more a man of action than words. Disclosing his inner feelings is a sign of weakness. Perhaps more importantly, it puts him in competition for who can express their love more meaningfully for he knows he will lose—it’s why men don’t compete with conquered women—and so he just lets his actions speak and gives her the floor for words of love. Unless he’s been trained to recognize her needs, he is basically unaware of how her ears crave his words of love, importance, and intimacy.

In the final analysis, men are much more complex about love than are women. His single mindedness, compartmentalized mind as we call it today, has to be structured to love one woman. Women are born with the relationship expertise to handle that task. They have to rely more on their female nature than modern life, pop culture, and feminist propaganda, if they hope to capture and hold a man for life. That’s what this blog has been about from the get go almost nine years ago.

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Filed under courtship, Her glory, marriage, sex differences

2502. Whereby I Eat Humble Pie

Dear Ladies,

I thank all of you for the kind, delightful, and encouraging comments on post 2501. The superior gender rides again. It’s amazing how pretty women can so easily turn discouragement into aspiration.

The people with whom you all associate are blessed to have you nearby. May they learn to appreciate your importance even more than they do presently; your encouragement overflows with gratitude, which magnifies your importance, and feeds your own happiness.

I hope my professional gratefulness spreads easily and smoothly as a blanket over each and every one of you. (Pillow fight, anyone?)

I never thought of this before, but encouraging others is an offshoot of your primal need to have a brighter future. If you need it, others must also and so you’re easily motivated to help. And your influence enlarges with maturity, which enlarges with finding gratitude, which makes women more important, and which makes the world both peaceful and happier. Prettier too. God bless you all.




Filed under Dear daughter, feminine, Her glory