2218. Advice for Prospective Brides

Her Highness Anonymous asked at 2216, “If you had had a daughter, what advice would you bestow upon her in the month preceding her wedding?”

I would advise her how to hold her marriage together over a lifetime. Test and verify before the wedding. She can expect but can she live with these things?

Test for what’s present:

  • Does he cherish you? Can you see his devotion in his actions? Is he worth devoting your life to him? Worthy tradeoff? Good enough prospect as father of your children?
  • Can you live with his faults—unchanged that is—for at least 20 years? It’s more about your commitment to him than his dedication to pleasing you.

Verify what lies ahead:

  1. Can you live with his two major expectations: a) Your loyalty as he measures it by your respect of, gratitude for, and dependence on him? b) Your likeability as measured by his personal pleasure and enjoyment being in your company? You have to participate, interpret, and accept all of what he is and does as his love of you. Every marriage starts that way or close to it. (Once he decides to marry, his expressions of devotion are required by his sense of loyal duty and he expects no rewards for just pleasing you, but he loves gratitude expressed by sex.)
  2. It’s not the big affirming emotions such as your love, his love, affection, intimacy, sex, and devotion that hold a couple together. Even romantic love fades in a year or two. Absent loyalty to and likeability of the other, enduring love necessary for the marriage to continue has a weakened or non-existent foundation; it weakens or dissolves out of what’s next.
  3. Couples separate their bonding with little negative things that eat away at the other’s self-interest, -esteem, and –image. By either or both of them, demeaning remarks, reproachful comments, annoying habits, irritating behaviors, and critical judgments undermine her importance to him in her eyes and his dedication to her in his eyes. Their investment in the other appears foolish or worse. They compete over insignificant matters and judge harshly when they don’t get their way. Over time, repeated negative reaction to the spouse compounds into disarray and disinterest in what the other thinks, which rips and shreds sincerity when they try to make up and reaffirm their mutual love.
  4. She substitutes apology for actions to change and thinks she’s done her part. He substitutes disloyalty as easier and simpler than changing, and figures he’s done what he has to do. Two people living separate lives under the same roof until one or both decide to separate.
  5. She expects him to change and he doesn’t or won’t. He expects her not to change and she does. If she learns to live with him and his faults without competing with him, she finds little reason to fault him, and he gets to live with the woman he married.

I’ve just described how it’s far easier to ruin a marriage than sustain it successfully. I’ve told you what you can expect to happen unless you steer both of you away from the negatives that eat away at goodwill, respect, and love.

Now, daughter, if it sounds too complex or unworthy of your ability and goal, back out. Life isn’t easy and marriage is harder. When the choice is yours, choose what makes you a better person, which is usually done by making some man a better man without expecting to change him. Confused? Good. Work your way out of that dilemma—it’s a wifely duty—and you’ll more than likely have a happy marriage.

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2217. Compatibility Axioms #781-790

781. Proving a man’s good character takes time, and virtual virginity works best. Marry a man of good character, and the promise of permanence brightens her future. [269]

782. The TV in the bedroom adds more straying power than staying power for both sexes. Late night shows program the mind for what’s bigger, better, and more appealing outside the home. The body’s relaxed, the shows are enjoyable, the heart and mind more vulnerable. [269]

783. Men get the urge. Women agree to merge. When done too quickly, children hear the dirge. [269]

784. Promiscuity softens a woman’s natural hard-headed determination and hardens her soft-hearted manner. [270]

785. Mothers civilize and tame aggressiveness in boys—or boys live aggressively and more freely for life. Teen girls civilize boys into men—or they don’t get there. Wives domesticate husbands to settle down, or men move their conquering selves around too much for their wife. [270]

786. A woman kisses a frog. Then, she neuters her prince with criticizing words that sour his spirit of royalty. [270]

787. Feminine mystique is whatever a woman does that stimulates curiosity and keeps a man guessing, uncomfortable, defensive, and unsure of her determination and intention about his role in her life. [270]

788. Her hard-headedness tames Mr. GoodEnough in the short range. Her soft-heartedness helps him morph into Mr. Right over the years ahead. [270]

789. Should she expect and can she get everything? Is trying for perfection asking too much, when the subject so easily disrupts his habits?  [271]

790. Doesn’t complaining about his approach to sex take her eye off the prize of keeping him? [271]

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2216. Compatibility Axioms #771-780

771. Men are on a mission to deliver their form of temporary love with a prepackaged agenda. Virtual virginity forces him to repackage himself with consideration for other things such as her virtues, character, and personal preferences. The process that accompanies delayed sex leads to commitment and his actions in appreciation of her likeability leads to devotion. (See the series titled Virtual Virginity for ways to deter or slow him down.) [266]

772. Women can talk about it—to other women, that is. But, talking to their man about his sexual expertise requires more caution and indirectness than that used in international diplomacy and negotiation, where phrases can sometimes have double, different, or even opposite meanings. [266]

773. It takes a lot of time and desire for a man to figure her out mentally and emotionally. He’s preoccupied with figuring her out physically. And vice versa, he keeps those things separated in his mind.[266]

774. Competition in a married couple’s decision making generates incompatible emotions. It worsens like an untreated infection and stirs his dominant nature. Competition stimulates thoughts about her as dispensable; her likeability declines. [267]

775. Cooperation breeds compatibility and demonstrates to him that he’s indispensable. As men become more indispensable, they grow in steadfastness and devotion to whatever they are doing. Cooperation works more like exercise to strengthen his habits than her apathy which weakens his dedication. [267]

776. She determines whether competition or cooperation prevails in their home. By competing less and cooperating more, she capitalizes on their opposed but compatible natures. It improves her chances of moving him toward indispensability and keeperhood. [267]

777. Persistently rejecting boys’ offers for first-time sex teaches girls to ‘read’ and evaluate things more important than looks and love—i.e., his conscience, values, attitudes, and true interest in her. [269]

778. Ignore or pardon red flag character traits to enter a relationship, and girls enter an unknown world without map and compass. [269]

779. By age 21 she should score 100% on this test: Distinguish a man’s devotion for her as a unique woman from another man’s commitment to join her for a close relationship. [269]

780. Virtue makes a person shine relative to others. Conscience is virtue honored by strength of character. Virtuous character outshines physical attractiveness over a long marriage.  [269]


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2215. Compatibility Axioms #761-770

761. Hunter-conquerors appreciate tantalizing, challenging, and hard-to-capture prey. It motivates men to investigate a woman intensively instead of just for sex, but only as long as she refuses to yield the first time. [265]

762. Modern women fall prey to the feminist idea that patriarchy is conquerable by cheap and easy sex.* Men now exploit to their advantage the superior tactic developed by women, that of being hard to get aka vague and unavailable. *Actually sex compensates men to keep them acquiescent for all the disrespectful treatment they receive based on feminist values now embedded deeply in the culture. [265]

763. When women sour on their marriage, they turn against men. When men sour on their marriage, they turn against marriage. [265]

764. What makes sex cheap? The same thing that makes anything cheap—oversupply. Women are more in charge of their destiny when they make a man ‘purchase’ exclusive rights through marriage. [265]

765. Postmodern thinking has young women mimicking teen boys; e.g., in the company of men they cheer strippers on to raunchier exhibitions. (See Female Chauvinist Pigs by Ariel Levy) [265]

766. Their nature and interest differ markedly on this subject. He’s made one way, she’s made another. She wants them to be more alike, he wants them to just get on with it.

767. Women nurture, men lead. Women want to be nurtured intimately in their sex life, but men don’t do intimacy all that well. It makes them feel feminized, wussified. They’re conquestidors, not nurturers. (Doesn’t mean they can’t be conditioned to more effectively please their woman her way.)

768. Her needs for attention and affection are minor compared to his need for acceptance as sex partner—that is, if she’s to be a keeper.

769. His primal motivations are conqueror’s role before and conqueror’s rights after their first sex together. Conquest itself must have pleased her, or she would not have yielded. So, why should anything else be needed?

770. Male sensitivity about his sexual prowess exceeds female willingness to complain. Women intuitively know this. So, they complain to sister females rather than to their man.

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2214. Compatibility Axioms #751-760

751. It’s self-fulfilling: A wife blames husband for his faults. Accused men resist change and defend themselves by disproving the evidence presented. In her eyes, his resistance makes her see his faults as her failure to correct him. More of her failures make his faults even less tolerable to her. [259]

752. Short-term romantic love seduces women into ignoring the need for her man’s respect. Hence, when romantic love fades in a year or two, his respect for her is not enough to fuel long-term enduring love.[259]

753. She seeks to be friends with her kids and elevates them to adult status. It demotes husband to subordinate status, which he views as denial of admiration, tampering with his significance and, therefore, insufferable. [260]

754. A woman has to sell a man on fidelity, marriage, and her worth as comfort partner. Otherwise, men focus on frequent and convenient sex as comfort from their daily ‘battles’ — and it may not be her. [260]

755. She welcomes kids with open arms but not him. She takes his arrival home for granted, because she wants relief with the kids. [260]

756. Hook up but no call? She lost her footing playing in a man’s territory. [260]

757. Couples try to make their life together fair or equal, but it’s self-defeating. It puts them to competing and women usually lose in the long run. Equal is never possible and fair depends on who defines it. [260]

758. Budgeting comes easily if a couple focuses on building a successful mixture of spousal interaction. Lots of imagination, small bits of will power, negotiable cooperation, and frequent confirmation of mutual trust can all be energized through the budgeting process. [261]

759. Forgive yourself and each other. Ignore what’s past. Presume financial decisions already made were sound at the time even if you fought over them. Else, you would not have made them. Someone won and all is done. Hindsight sees too many mistakes; those little buggers trigger spousal disputes. Why pay attention to what can haunt, irritate, and demotivate you or generate distrust for spouse or your budgeting process? [261]

760. Pay yourself first: Save at least 10% off the top for long term savings for home purchase and retirement. Otherwise, late in life you will financially stagger before you physically limp. Life is best the other way around.  [261]


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Blog 2213 — Garden of Eden: Three Roots

Rooted who knows how far back in human history, men and women are born 1) willing and able to be compatible as mates, 2) with a dominant gender to drive the bus and a superior gender to indirectly guide the driver, and 3) with men enabled men to find satisfaction and women to pursue happiness.

1) Two Loves. The glue of compatibility starts with two very different forms of love that have to be bonded into an agreeable form, which is unattainable except under management of a relationship expert.

Her Love. Women expect to keep their mate by demonstrating their love with words and actions; it’s energized by their nature of loving to love someone. In return she expects him to display all manner of loving attention as she defines love—most prominently as displays of affection—which she transmutes into her importance in life.

His Love. Men expect to keep their mate through his loyalty to her and her likeability to him. In return he expects her to display actions—much more than words—that he interprets as her loyalty to him and his likeability to her.

IOW, he expects to receive the reverse of what he gives. She expects the same as what she gives. They differ fundamentally, which is why the glue of compatibility requires a relationship expert to get it to bond.

2) Superior Sex vs. Dominant Sex. On the macro scale of human behavior, we see a superior sex and irresistible force versus a dominant sex and immovable object. However, God designs the genders such that the immovable becomes moveable with irresistible female leveraging of sexual availability. That is, men do whatever women require in order for men to have frequent and convenient access to sex.

On the other hand, the irresistible female force becomes resistible under the influence of masculine strength to get what men want. Women do whatever men require in order for women to enjoy the fruits of manly producing, providing, protecting, and problem solving on behalf of women and children.

It’s a swap meet. Irresistible and immovable both yield voluntarily to reciprocal loyalty and likeability when surrounded by affirmation, accommodation, and affection. Consequently, their competing powers balance and cooperate to form compatibly successful relationships under management of relationship experts.

3) Two Opposites. Much unwarranted marital turmoil arises from this sex difference.

Her Happiness. Women are born to be happy but they have to earn it. She does it by making herself important to others, which returns to magnify her sense of self-importance and self-gratitude, which enables her to find more ways to be important and grateful, which is her main pathway to happiness. The more grateful she is, the happier she is.

His Satisfaction. Men are born to be satisfied but they have to earn it. Unfortunately as women see it, men earn satisfaction at their work. Hence, daily parking of himself after work with TV, beer, and clicker while she continues working till bedtime in order to keep herself feeling important and grateful.

You can see evidence daily of how Feminism, politics, and pop culture combine to rip the heart from those three ancient roots of human behavior. 1) Men are never affectionate enough for women. Women purposely make themselves unlikeable to men by getting in their man’s face arguing to get their way. 2) Women give away sexual favors, which removes the primary incentive that causes men to provide and protect a woman and her children. 3) Women are overworked because men do nothing after their workday ends and all the associated ‘crimes’ that flow from that concept of the female being thus victimized.

Oh, well, that’s enough complaining. We still have the historic background for compatibility for couples, counterbalancing gender powers, satisfaction for men, and happiness for women. The roots linger in the hearts of many women, but so few are standing up for it out of fear of feminist condemnation.


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2212. Hits: Let’s Quit

On further review, the material I have left on hits is redundant. So, I won’t bore you with it.

However, an informative replacement read. The following was referred to me by Lauren, the main participant in the series “WWNH: Real World,” to whom I’m grateful.

All women, especially wives, may benefit from it. If not for their present relationship, they may better understand what many divorced men more than likely went through.

The author takes her own giant leap out of the feminist cauldron that breeds disrespect of husbands. http://www.thefederalistpapers.org/us/woman-realizes-that-shes-been-accidentally-abusing-her-husband-this-whole-time

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