Blog 2533 — Submission #02 — Wife’s Choice

Most of us have heard this. Ephesians 5:22 (KJV) says, “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.”

Now, understand that I’m neither questioning nor contradicting God’s intent or the Bible. Pastors clear it up biblically and theoretically,  but it usually lacks satisfaction for women; it always seems to lopsidedly favor men. Also, submission seems symbolic, but men take it literally and many autocratically consider it absolute. Women can’t believe God intended them to be so literally unequal in marriage, but they have so little evidence to argue to the contrary. From what they hear in church, many women resent men, the marital wheels squeak louder, and wives seem helpless to find lubrication to stop the squeaking. Everyone seems to ignore the rest of the biblical story, which for men is easy and preferred.

Wives face an undeserved burden. Submission in the masculine spirit weakens their marital role, seems to allege a subservient condition, reduces self-confidence, encourages masculine dominance, and fosters dispute rather than negotiated settlement. They are victimized, because men interpret and impose the biblical spirit to their own advantage. (Personally, I believe men and even pastors use submission as the final bastion—e.g., ‘God says’— to confirm male dominance as a right and to validate their getting their way at the expense of wife.)

In fact, men need to be taught the following, although those who feel threatened may even reject the reasoning.

We need only two questions answered. Men have long ignored or forgotten the answers although they too come from the Bible.

  • Do men have free will? The answer of course is yes.
  • Do women have free will? The answer is yes, since all God’s children are equal in His eyes.

Men have the obligation to submit unto the Lord but, since they have free will, they can choose not to do so. With their free will, women can also choose not to submit unto the Lord. Ephesians 5:22 advises women to submit unto both husbands and the Lord. Since they can choose on the latter, they can choose on the former. Women are thus free to submit at their discretion, which makes questions about total submission illogical. Such wifely freedom taken literally and equally, however, doesn’t fit the marriage covenant, but it completes the religious logic of the subject.

Marriage is a formal contract founded on mutual agreement, which is based on the nature of one man and one woman merging their beliefs, emotions, values, standards, and expectations into combined effort for living together. As the direct consequence of their God-given equality and free will, compatibility arises from their mutual ability to match up and make the following natural motivations work successfully for them. And for the relationship expert to make it all fit together in a harmonious whole:

  • He is motivated to compete and she is motivated to get around marital competition if she can, to avoid the potential for conflict.
  • She is motivated to cooperate and he expects it as the normal benefit of yielding his independence at the altar.
  • He is more a producer and she is more a processor. He looks for results. She looks to smooth out bumps in the marital road.
  • He is strong on commanding and ordering. She prefers to be asked and expects to negotiate opposite expectations and to help settle disputes.
  • He is strongly dominant, easily assumes responsibility, and expects those for whom he’s responsible to submit to his leadership. Without submission by followers, he’s handicapped to achieve his desired results—until spouse convinces him of a better way.
  • Both are born hardheaded. The permanence of having a husband energizes her naturally submissive spirit that is available within her natural soft-heartedness. However, wise husbands invariably learn that she also has a hardheadedness that needs to be frequently accommodated or courted.
  • For his intended accomplishments, at the surface her submission seems more important than her cooperation. OTOH, she is submissive and cooperative by nature as long as prospects for the future look at least favorable. So, her submission comes more easily when their future looks more promising. She shines when her submissiveness morphs into submission, but it happens more out of what she sees in him than his promises about a brighter future.
  • He is primarily concerned with present-day matters. Her main concerns are for keeping their future good or making it better. She sees it in their interest to be submissive in the present if she can more directly shape their lives in the future. Without that tradeoff, however, she tends to resent, resist, and can easily encourage herself to retaliate.

Relationship experts, the wives, just naturally move to the front of trying to achieve harmony when sour notes invade their marriage. Neither spouse is obligated to submit to the other and whoever gets their way depends on their compatibility and desire to work things out to mutual advantage. Whatever their solution, it’s unique for every couple.

Consequently, there is no universal solution. Men continue to expect women to submit. Women can influence and persuade their man provided they can focus on their future rather than being honked off at the thought of submitting actually or even theoretically. For serendipitous effects, women should ignore the subject. Each has to find her own way to induce harmony within her nest, and that one potentially disruptive term should be left out.

When this series continues, a brighter future beckons. Women can benefit by ignoring the subject of submission. By refusing to think of, stir their anger, and follow it with guilt whenever the subject comes up directly or indirectly. Let husbands rant about submission with each other. Women are quite capable of breathing harmony into their home by fixing their thoughts on specific interactions. Some pointers, pearls of wisdom will follow.


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Filed under courtship, Dear daughter, How she wins, sex differences

2532. Submission #01: The Introduction

The last of this series was completed two years ago. It’s time for a repeat and hopefully something new. We have new readers on board. So, let’s start at the top. We view life from outer space. God designs, Nature endows, and hormones energize two different sexes. One is dominant but the other superior. Respectively, the immovable object faces the irresistible force, male gender versus female gender. It’s the historical and highly traditional battle of the sexes.

Expecting women to submit flips the superior sex on its head. Not only that, it makes women mad just thinking about it, even when they hear it in church. Unfortunately, that causes some women to lose their female balance, to blame the men in their lives. Regardless of how pastors explain it, there’s plenty of hope always available in the feminine boodle bag of options.

Since the Holy Bible favors men on the subject, women don’t seem to have a full hand of cards to play. Ahhhhh! But they do. In fact, they hold the superior hand. They have patience, skill, hardheadedness, grateful heart, free will, and abundant opportunities to play. Men have stubbornness, self-respect, hardheartedness, ego, and competitive determination to defend only one position, that she must submit. Advantage: wives. Abundant opportunities can smother one position even though well-defended.

The advantage comes from this. When push comes to shove, submission means only one thing to men. It’s their handicap. Not handicapped, women are blessed from birth for this particular battle. They are by nature cooperative and even submissive when in their best interest. Their nature thus provides advantage that enables them to outsmart, outwit, and out-maneuver dominant males. Consequently, submission isn’t a yes or no battle. Women make a game of ‘maybe’ out of it that convinces their man that he has won.

The feminine submissive spirit, often seen by men as unrespectable, is quite capable of conquering a man’s insistence that she submit as he and other men conceive it.



Filed under Dear daughter, How she wins, marriage, old school, sex differences, Uncategorized

2531. Push the Envelope — 02

The one with the nerve has the right to win. In a relationship, the one who regrets losing the other the most is the one unable to get their way. But the odds of losing the other can be significantly reduced by smart women.

Situation. Shacked up or in a sexually active relationship for what has become far too long for the woman to accept it. She needs recovery from multiple things that bother her: dignity, moral responsibility, confident she’s with the right man, unwilling to continue as is, suspicion of his worth as permanent mate, tired of the worry, loss of belief in herself, future dimmed by lack of relationship progress, dislike of her reputation of doing what goes against her conscience, losing her youth while doubtfully linked up, wants children and he doesn’t, and—wherever does it all end?

Probably not until she is married either to him or another. The beginning of the end arrives when he is no longer blamed for anything; without hedging, he is her man for life—but she may not be his woman for life.

Time to act. She can’t motivate anyone else, only herself. How does she recover in such a way that the decision of separation becomes hers instead of his? Getting her way will take a lot of the sting out of separation, if it happens. Also, if she gets her way, many questions can be answered directly that will pacify her. She cannot go wrong, if she is out to recover herself. The fact that she feels compelled to recover means that he has had all the advantages. It is now time and up to her to switch the advantages to her. The following two options are likely unless anger stirs the pot.

If she fears losing him, she can’t do it. If she can face the loss of this man, she can. When she initiates recovery, she initiates competition, and men will not compete with their woman. So, he faces two choices. Compete, if she starts it competitively by blaming or accusing, and his objective will be to prove her wrong in every one of her points. Or, he can listen, face her idealized descriptions of what she finds tough for her to live with, and either sympathize and want to please her or empathize but find it inadequate to fit his life. She is thus able to sponsor his making a choice without his getting emotionally involved to the point that he has to win.

The more demanding she registers her discontent, the more likely he shifts toward empathy and departure. The more graciously, charmingly, and grateful for his presence that she feels while registering her objections to her current life, then the more inclined he feels toward sympathy, because he faces an unhappy woman who has not taken her ire and disappointment out on him. IOW, it’s her and not his fault that she is unhappy. See what a difference her approach can take? So now for her approach, how best to do it?

Parenthetically, I have written my way right back to the wedding ring gig described in the first in this series. How does she subtly register her disappointments and keep them locked up as her shortcomings rather than his? Try this on for size….

Write him a short letter—don’t explain and don’t complain—and send it registered mail. Inside, specify the following:

  • Do not ever mention this letter. Don’t ever bring it up and I ask that you not mention it to anyone else either. It is past, gone, caput, forgotten, and nothing requires forgiveness. Regardless of what happens, it is not worthy of conversation. Our respective daily actions prove our worth to each other, so discussion or explanation is useless. While not content in our arrangement, I depend greatly and am very grateful for you in my life.
  • My discontent is with myself. I am not what I want to be, neither as good woman, good wife, nor good mother. I can do much better.
  • I expect nothing from you except to forget this letter just as soon as you read it. Don’t try to read between the lines, there is nothing there. Only us, you plus me with all obstructions turned to mush, objections ground down to nothing long ago, but still full of wishes for my own future to brighten ever more.

Guy concludes: I’m disappointed in that this article is a twist on how and why the wedding ring plan works. It says in words what is symbolized silently by the ring in the last article, 2530. But it’s all I have to offer today.


Filed under courtship, How she wins, marriage, sex differences, The mind

2530. Push the Envelope

Situation. You are shacked up and your man disregards your concern about marriage. He’s a no-action guy mated up with you. Or perhaps not even shacked up, just sexually active and you need to reach for the stars.

Suggestion. Buy an inexpensive or mock wedding band. Wear it all the time. When he or anyone else questions you about it, state only one of the claims below and perhaps alternate them. Never explain further or complain about him or anything. Just say one or the other without smiling; you can’t and don’t want to confuse your message with smiles:

“I’m embarrassed at what I am doing.” OR, “I feel to guilty about what I am doing.”

Then, quickly change the subject to minimize pressure for more info.

See what happens after a six or so months.


Filed under courtship, Dear daughter, How she wins, marriage

2529. Collectivism versus Individualism

I’m back to Left versus Right, elitist intentions that contradict human experience, deliberate deceivers versus accurate perceivers, failed promises versus successful history.

  • The collective results in being forced to sharing what you earn. —versus— Individualism enables one to keep what they earn.
  • Envy stimulates political pressures against others. — versus— Envy is free thought and therefore freedom.
  • Ambitions are fulfilled in politics, activism, and community organizing. — versus— Ambitions are fulfilled by earning respect, prosperity, and opportunity for wealth.
  • Equality is presented as greatest virtue, but it is never achievable, because it fails to resolve envy, which justifies further political pressures and actions. — versus— The greatest virtue is fairness which is achievable because it can resolve and reduce disputes to mutual respect with measurable results.
  • It results in the condition of poverty that reproduces itself and equalizes misery. — versus— It results in lifting everyone’s boat on the dynamic sea of economic growth.
  • Personal influence is result of who one knows regardless of who else benefits. — versus— Personal influence is result of ability, work ethic, and merit in delivering some service or connection to others.

If not clear let me know. If not simple, you should investigate further. If you disagree, let’s discuss it.

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Filed under Culture & Politics, Dear daughter, Sociology 101

2528. Tips for Women — III

  1. Think and act morally exemplary, and you’ll influence others to duplicate your character.
  2. Think and act pretty, and you’ll make yourself prettier.
  3. Think and act selfishly, and you’ll be treated childishly.
  4. Think and act sexually, and you’ll attract men for sex exclusively.
  5. Think and act uniquely and modestly feminine, and you’ll attract a husband.
  6. Think and act unselfishly, and you’ll become a helpmate or servant leader.
  7. Think and act with moral conviction, and someone will cherish you.
  8. Think and primp in front of a mirror every day, and you’ll become prettier and value yourself much higher.


Filed under courtship, Dear daughter, feminine, marriage

2527. Tips for Women — II

  1. Think and act as men do regarding sex, and the lack of dignity, respect of others, and self-respect will haunt you.
  2. Think and act as undeserving, and you’ll have to get by with little and less.
  3. Think and act desperate or fearful, and you’ll be taken advantage of.
  4. Think and act dignified, and you’ll earn respect.
  5. Think and act feminist, and you’ll attract a man temporarily or perhaps a wuss permanently.
  6. Men DO make passes at lasses who wear glasses. Glasses distract from his looking deep in your eyes while you do that to him first.
  7. Think and act like a good Christian, and you’ll develop a servant’s heart and vice versa.
  8. Think and act like a lady, and you’ll be treated as one. (You may, however, have to teach others what being a lady means and how a man should treat her. Your ladylike actions will guide you in what others should do.)
  9. Think and act like a virgin even if you’re not, and you’ll find that men will compete to make themselves worthy of you.
  10. Think and act lonely, and you’ll doom yourself to stay that way.


Filed under Dear daughter, feminine, Fickle female