2450. Why Isn’t Sex Enough? I — His Side

For Your Highness Prettybeans, here’s the ‘story for another day’ that you requested.

Is sex enough to keep him with her? A woman knows how to love, nurture, and solicit cooperation. She thinks her ability should be adequate, because she intends to give her all. Therefore, by keeping him satisfied sexually, she should be able to keep him. She’s mistaken. The incentives to keep him mainly interested in her—his ‘keepiness’—lie outside sexual events.

The following is a complex model reduced to simple principles. Of course, small exceptions exist when applied in real life, but non-sexual events produce the best results for keeping a marriage together.

For life: They will primarily judge each other this way. He’s more impressed by what he sees her do. She’s more impressed by what she hears from him. It starts with first encounter.

His role: If he doesn’t invest of himself deeply in order to earn her, his commitment to her will not last long enough to suit her. Furthermore, it’s not his words that invest himself. Actions program the masculine heart. His actions to please her—and not necessarily that please her—contribute, increase his desire,  and promote her promise as mate in his mind and heart.

His primary objective is to earn self-admiration by conquering her for their first sex together. As she diligently resists and still keeps his interest in her, she earns more of his respect. She can’t earn too much. The more she earns, the greater grows the foundation of his love. Thus, the potential for his greatest love arises out of her resistance for the maximum time. But, of course, Nature intervenes and her intensifying love sooner or later wins out over her determined resistance.

Meanwhile, as he searches for her weaknesses and she continues to resist, he discovers that she has qualities that he can admire. The more he searches, the more qualities he uncovers. Each admired quality becomes a virtue to him, and men seek to marry a virtuous woman. But think of that differently from what women think, that virginity is the sacred virtue. In fact, men don’t favor virginity for purity but for the symbolism of beating all those other guys to the main prize.

Which begs the question: Why should females save themselves for their husband? To generate greater self-respect and earn greater respect of men generally and one man in particular, both of which generate greater love in a man, which provides extra insurance that her marriage will be successful enough to fulfill her girlhood hopes and dreams.

Contrary to woman-think, when she pleases him or uses nurturing techniques, she earns very little or nothing by way of his commitment. A man appreciates her pleasing him, but when he accomplishes nothing but is given something, it’s an unearned gift that doesn’t influence him—sex included. IOW, his appreciation doesn’t change his investment of himself, and so his commitment doesn’t deepen. Even her love of him has much less influence with him than with her own emotional bonding.

Also contrary to woman-think, sex doesn’t bond a man, and so he looks for much more. Each woman is unique, but to a marrying man one is more unique than others. He pays little attention to her claims of having the features and qualities he admires as virtues. Not her words, but instead, he judges by her actions.

As requirements, she’s both attractive enough and sexually attractive. She’s also likeable, loveable, loyal, feminine, dependent on his dominance, respectful of who he is, and grateful for what he does.

Of course I exaggerate somewhat, but this principle is valid. A man wants to talk to a pretty female listener. If pretty to him, she qualifies and women should listen more and better. When he talks about himself, it’s a satisfying action that earns a few degrees of commitment (as if one could measure it). If she’s impressed, then he admires himself, the search for which is his prime motivation. The greater satisfaction he finds in talking to her, the greater her chances of keeping him interested in her. (Yes, too much of her talk both about her and even him reduces his interest. He expects her to be his primary listening post and not the reverse. If not now then why later?)

Part of the masculine character is expressing satisfaction with himself to someone. If not his wife, it’s much harder to keep his interests centered in the home.

Given enough chaste time together and enough of his actions to please her as he tries to uncover her weaknesses, he morphs into another character. From man determined to conquer at whatever the cost, he slowly evolves into doing more rather than harder to please her. Trying with ever more determined actions to win her, it programs his heart to appreciate even more her presence in his life, which develops into devotion to her and brightens her prospects for fulfilling her hopes and dreams. Thus, with enough chaste time together, his devotion and personal dedication make their subsequent marriage an easy-to-harmonize lifetime endeavor for her. (The same devotion thing happens immediately to the man who falls in love at first sight, but that event isn’t everyday common.)

Eventually, when satisfied that he has accomplished what it takes to win his choice of a mate, men walk their own way into marriage. Her ability to satisfy his yearning to talk to a pretty woman paved the path to the altar.

That’s part of the man’s side of the marital equation, hers comes next post.


Filed under courtship, feminine, Home CEO, marriage

2449. Male Dominance and Who Handles It: Part V

I continue to explain men to women. All goes pretty well except for getting women to understand the two male sex drives without them taking offense. Seemingly connected to feminist propaganda, their minds don’t want to open. The loudest complaint is that it’s unfair, men shouldn’t be that way, and they change the subject.

That isn’t the way to learn something new (of course they could be objecting to me personally). The result is that women forego their natural ability to deal with men successfully. So I keep trying to find simpler explanations, such as the following that also explains the primal need for male dominance.

The harder I try, the more complicated my writing and confused I become from lack of feedback that women understand it. Finally, I think I can describe where it all comes from, the root as it were. To me, it is now simple to explain, and I hope the following conveys the same result to you.

How we are designed as a species is critical to understanding men and women. It may be too deep background for this blog. However, it enables me to more clearly explain the male sex drive, which is critical to understanding male motivations successfully and managing relationships more pleasantly.

At the macro level of humanity, each sex is designed for compatibility in order to propagate the species. Men have two sex drives and women have two love drives. The primal purpose matches the strongest and weakest drives, one sex connected in common interest with one love.

The strongest love, mother love, matches up with the strongest male desire, which is to have sex with sexually attractive females. Spreading their seed—given the unpredictability of female ovulation—improves the odds of impregnation at the macro level. Mother love handles the results. But that isn’t enough to fulfill the primordial design, that humans won’t die out; unprotected children die too easily.

Each sex has a weaker drive too. Women love others; they are encouraged because it makes them happier when they do so. Men are strongly motivated to have access to sex but with a lesser but efficient urge to make it frequent and convenient. It motivates them to have a female nearby, which positions women to attract one to love and to help raise the children—permanently too, if possible, as the kids won’t be around forever.

Male dominance arises from that primordial root. It helps ensure enough conquests spread enough seed and serves later to do what’s necessary to have frequent and convenient sex. Women are born with their equivalent of male dominance, which is the ability to love develop, guide, and manage relationships, which better enables the handling of a mate in the raising and survival of children.

He wants to have a woman nearby. She wants to have extra protection for her children. So, why not mate? She has her love drive to connect with him, and I expect it arose from the female’s relationship expertise that marriage developed in order to more effectively seal a couple’s deal of raising children.

In the primordial sense, male dominance helps to both spread seed and protect children. While voluntary for men, finding long-range interest in a woman he has impregnated makes a man available to be kept nearby. Using her love drive, she can then expand on his ability to provide and produce in order to make their partnership more efficient and successful.

Consequently, because females may have no say about impregnation, one could say the primary motivation of women is to provide frequent and convenient sex so she can earn the support of a mate to help raise children to adulthood. All else is secondary or less.

However, it begs the question. Is sex enough to keep him with her? Women think her love should be adequate; she gives her all. However, the answer revolves around whether she can induce him to love her because to him she is unique, likeable, dependent on his dominance, and respectful of who he is and grateful for what he does. But that’s another story for another time.


Filed under courtship, Culture & Politics, marriage, sex differences, The mind

2448. Male Dominance and Who Handles It: Part IV

Female self-development  is continuous for life. Girls and women have a primal need for a brighter future, and so they focus on shaping tomorrow to match their wishes, intentions, and ambitions. They develop in response to that primal urge.

The present day happens much like they planned it yesterday. Both physically and mentally, they work at it 24/7. Their future isn’t bright enough, if they can do anything else today to improve or achieve more tomorrow. By tirelessly trying to be ahead in their game of life, they develop as smarter and more able to coach others.

Each woman is driven to nest, nurture, and nestle with loved ones. She also wants help to handle weaknesses, disruptions, catastrophes, and loneliness. A man’s physical strength, mental determination, and drive to achieve best fit her hopes and needs. His natural dominance helps enable him in his helpful role, and so she in effect takes advantage of something she can resent later if she wants to.

Whereas men fear insignificance, a woman fears abandonment by those she endears, especially father and mate. Challenges to her mate’s dominant nature can lead to separation, which in her mind amounts to being left adrift, abandoned. And so, her greatest fear promotes respect of his dominant nature, which encourages her to find ways to use it. It’s natural to her development.

Each female is born pretty and knows it in her heart of hearts. However, prettiness is a belief easily denied and even lost if as a child she’s mistreated or convinced by others or even herself that she’s other than pretty. Nevertheless, she dreams of and longs for the guy who will call her beautiful. When a man’s thoughts run along that line, she accepts his dominance as just part of the deal of thinking her beautiful.

Women seek self-importance, which they earn by making themselves valuable to others. It’s an amazing paradox too. It doesn’t work to impress directly that she is important. Her self-importance improves by uplifting someone else with her gratitude for them, which adds to their worthiness, which returns to her indirectly as she’s important to them.

Recognizing her man’s dominance, such as by directly showing respect for who he is, helps settle their indirect negotiation of how much of his dominance is acceptable to her, which induces him to back off trying to prove it unnecessarily. IOW, acknowledging his dominant role adds to her importance, which advances her development for dealing with men or man.

More paradoxical for raising kids because each is also a self-developer, she indirectly adds to their importance by being grateful for who and what they are to her. Their gratitude then returns to her in the form of her importance to them.

Consequently, her path to happiness is first finding self-gratitude in who and what she is in her life, which enables her to be grateful for others and express it so that it returns to reinforce her sense of importance, which generates her happiness. Shortened for clarity, happiness flows from her gratefulness for herself and the people around her and things that add to or signify her importance (his dominant nature, obedient children, beautiful gown, jewelry gift, or new washer/dryer).

Driven by DNA or genes to try harder and not quit, women endlessly develop themselves. They can always do better. Born to be a good person, they do good and keep on trying. It confirms their goodness, importance, and adds to development maturity.

Their best contributions come from getting men to do good, for which men have only the ability and not the ambition until women teach them otherwise. As wife coaches husband to do good, he becomes better in her eyes, which adds to her importance and fulfills her primal ambition to do good and thereby prove her goodness. It may also reduce his inclination to have to impose and prove his dominance to her when they next disagree. Thus, benefits redound to her as she coaches hubby to do good things.

A woman senses this as a beneficial tradeoff: Wife yields dominance of the present to husband in order to solicit his support for her dominance of their future together. She doesn’t always succeed, but a default motivation stirs her to never stop trying to get her way, which fits her determination to be important, which advances her development to be good, which makes her a good woman, which men expect when they marry.

Those are some of the arguments I would make to explain why patriarchy has been around for seven or so millennia and the matriarchy dreams of feminists are wishful more than achievable.


Filed under courtship, Dear daughter, feminine, marriage, sex differences

2447. Male Dominance and Who Handles It: Part III

The male self-development game plan looks like this. Boys are little men, and they live primarily in the present. They only need a place to flop, eat, throw their things, and prepare to fight tomorrow’s dragons. They want and continually seek the freedom to think and act as an independent individual. Everyone else can take care of himself, including girls/women as perceived by boys/men. Unless, that is, a female has something better and offers to share.

Motivated by need to admire themselves, males tackle obstructions and seek to overcome when Nature or something else stands in their way. They admire themselves in hard scrabble mental and physical romps competing with males in order to win advantage and dominate the shaping of human events, earning respect, and enhancing reputations. It’s a never ending process. They are energized by need to admire themselves, which they repeat until satisfied they have done well enough. Out of the quality and quantity of satisfactions earned, a proud sense of significance arises.

Satisfying themselves at play, work, or whatever else they feel responsible for, they achieve what needs to be done. Then they quit, go home in order to admire themselves with R&R and reap the recognition their mother or mate has in store to daily confirm their significance. They have done their part to confirm it and are ready—although they don’t need it—for mother’s or mate’s recognition and reinforcement.

A man’s greatest fear is insignificance. It’s devastating and may be the prelude to departure when claimed by mate to whom he’s devoted. It often comes with loss of job and zero prospects for employment (and mates find it almost impossible to help overcome it).

Males do little planning about the future; they figure they can handle whatever comes and so preparation is unnecessary. Compared to women, that is—next.

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2446. Male Dominance and Who Handles It: Part II

Men instinctively live the dominant role, and women are left to live with it. In spirit, men strut, pound their chest, and expect to fight to prove their dominance or protect what they own as proof of their stature.

Most everyday signs of male dominance go unnoticed by the conscious mind. We’re all programmed that it’s just the way things are and our subconscious mind guides us into generally accepting it. We learn in childhood to live with it.

We also live without recognizing the superior role played by the other gender. Women possess a uniqueness that enables them to get their way by neutralizing male dominance. Oh, not the kind of superiority one notices, because it operates in background mode.

Women sense their superior ability but know better than to claim it, because it challenges men to prove claimants wrong. Actually and mostly learned in childhood, females develop habits of behavior that hide their superior relationship abilities from men. Doing so makes it unnecessary for men to protect and defend their dominance, which enables women to mostly ignore it. Thus, women neutralize male aggression outside the perception of men, who aren’t paying attention anyway—until their dominance is challenged, and women mostly know how to avoid it.

Women instinctively and intuitively exploit their relationship expertise. It enables and empowers each to brighten her future by building and sustaining a successful relationship with a man. It’s the purpose of female superiority, if one accepts the evidence of millennial history.

Thus, the sexes follow their own genetic and hormonal game plan. Their competitive self-development finally grows into mutual self-interest and they couple up as compatible mates. In fact, their self-development began soon after their conscious minds opened in the third year of life and they discovered they too were a person and soon after learned they are boy or girl.

Self-development, it’s next.

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2445. Male Dominance and Who Handles It: Part I

Depending on one’s belief, either God designs or evolution produces two specific genders. It matters not which belief is right; the end result is the same. One sex is dominant and the other superior. The battle of the sexes and marital compatibility spring from the difference.

We all learn by living and can easily conclude the male gender as dominant but not the female gender as superior. Men won’t admit it, and women keep quiet about their advantage. Disclosure produces disadvantage for women. Just the claim tampers with manly significance (aka ego) and stirs men to defend their turf at least with denial and perhaps with aggression and even violence against claimants.

The male sex claims physical superiority as ultimate right to dominate. The female gender quietly and discretely imposes the unique advantage it inherits at birth. Specifically, the ability to build, manage, and even restore relationships. It’s the relationship expertise that men lack.

Women, however, have problems with this principle about socializing with others. That person who has exclusive ability also inherits the responsibility for whatever happens. Thus, female expertise makes each woman responsible for relationship development and management, success and failure. Of course women object to that principle but another exists. If one doesn’t accept full responsibility, they lack the (self-assumed) authority to do the job well, which weakens self-confidence, which leads to unsolvable problems. Squabbles start the moment two people are responsible for the same thing, which is a cardinal principle of effective leadership. Consequently, by following her nature with a sense of empowerment for producing a good relationship, women exploit their superior expertise. The more she feels singularly responsible, the better relationship she will produce.

The feminine woman learns more easily than others to live with male dominance; it fits her persona because of other abilities. Whatever feminine women can’t live with, they learn to indirectly outwit, outsmart, and outmaneuver men in some way that makes their life tolerable or even blessed with unique female abilities. By doing so, it enables them to suppress aggression; make domestic peace normal; recruit masculine expertise to provide and protect women and children; generate compatibility with a mate; and pursue female hopes, dreams, and happiness found with a man who helps all along the way.

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2444. Favored Quotes—Collection 49

“Sometimes, I think, the conclusion that we can’t be perfect tempts us to give up even trying to reach ‘darn good’. At least, this mindset has been something I have had to wrestle with to make real strides for myself.” [Miss Gina at 2430]

“Nowadays most women are taught to simply accept being fat and don’t think much of it, they aren’t told how much men are repulsed by it, but rather ‘the right guy will accept you regardless of how big you are’.” [Sarina at 2430]

“That’s why I’ve often said that Feminism, and much of the Manosphere (especially the Gamers) are really Feminists. Even though they seem superficially to be opposites, ‘changing the natural and co-operative battle of the sexes into an unnatural and competitive war’ is what both accomplish. The ideology might sound different but the results are exactly the same.” [Eric at 2385]

“Men and women tend to have different perceptions of love, which is probably why it is so beneficial to be raised by a mom and a dad.” [Insanitybytes22 at 2327]

“Whenever women have educated children, cooked meals and maintained the home, they have had leverage to argue for just treatment. Whenever women or their husbands have outsourced housework, women are treated poorly by men.” [Superslaviswife at 2362.]

“I read that you must start at the mind, move to the heart and engage with the body. Mind, body and spirit, any violations to this causes many heartaches in the end. [Emma at 1792]

“I am so grateful to have discovered your blog in a sea of platitudes, pessimism and combative dating advice.” [Meggrz at 1925] (Underscore added)

“I am becoming more and more inclined to think we can’t just ‘tell’ our children all the good stuff we want them to know-in-their-bones, such as the fact that we love them. They have to draw their own conclusions based on their own experiences. And, sadly, they don’t have and can’t process “all the information” since they are children, so they will misunderstand, misrepresent, and misremember so many things.” [Anne at 1788, underlining added]

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