2309. Favored Quotes—Collection 46

It was not always this way, but the blog has converted me. My favorite people are the steady performers, always reliable and usually predictable. In the case of this blog, it’s those who contribute witty, wise, and personal remarks aimed at entertaining or spreading kind words that encourage others. Such as those readers whom I quote in this series and who are especially uplifting for me.

Your total of 2.4 million views and 15,000 comments (not counting my responses) have kept me on track and living up to something bigger than me in addition to Jesus Christ. Your loyalty inspires me to pay closer attention.

I quote some favorites here:

“Men are visual creatures, women are auditory creatures in general so our vices play out differently.” [My Husband’s Wife at 1803]

“It helps to keep in mind that prior to marriage, you are the buyer and he is the seller. ALWAYS. A Mr. [Vague and Unavailable] tries to reverse these roles. Who wants a man like that? I certainly don’t!” [Cinnamon at 2029]

“Ha—that reminded of what Cato, the ancient Roman Senator once said: ‘We Roman men rule the men in the rest of the world, and Roman women rule us.’” [Eric at 2131]

“I have learned that your body is your biggest possession and it should only be given to the highest bidder aka the man that puts the effort and focus to earn the right by marriage. If I ever have a daughter I will teach her this. :-)” [Emma at 1792]

“Oh and I’m the same height as my husband so I wear flats mostly because I feel less feminine when I’m taller than him.” [MLaRowe at 2168. Success in life comes from exploiting such subtle differences.]

“PC is aimed at feelings, directness is aimed at the will.” [Sharon at 2162 quoting her husband.]

“After marriage, you get what you marry AND his friends. At least now, you have a choice.” [That Horse Is Dead at 2259]

“Why is she wasting her time trying to be pleasing to bosses who don’t really care about her life as her husband does? She may find out by reacting to [husband’s] feedback with femininity [that] she is fulfilling her own need for recognition.” [Sharonwithmaryandmartha at 1977]

“I looked up ‘run aground’ because I thought it sounded like a ship. HA! I was right… run aground with shallow thinking and not following her heart.” [Surfercajun at 2287]

“and just look around–few young women are being courted today. ANYWAY–this is why I HATE ROMANCE NOVELS.. and how a woman could ‘change a man’ with her sexuality. Men don’t change that way but only through femininity” [Miss Kitty at 2141]

“Many women I think are caught in a Limbo between their instincts and their social programming.” [Eric at 2287]

[Context: After she saw a musician stop to help a small boy retrieve something.] “Brute force with a suede touch. Masculinity at its finest!” [From Surfercajun at 2228]

“But again the WOMAN has the best knowledge on how to be a WOMAN. And it makes all the difference when she not only believes that, but cherishes the fact.” [Lady Kaikou at 897]

“So, while we can educate young girls and women on how to look for a man of quality character, we can’t make him demonstrate his masculinity without some ‘shock and awe’ therapy.” [That Horse Is Dead at 2203]

“It is important to remember that you cannot demand [how a man is to treat you]. You can act according to your own expectations in order to influence his thinking but you have to let go of whether or not a particular man rises to the occasion. If he does not meet your expectations (aided by your subtle encouragement) then he is the wrong man and you move on.” [Cinnamon at 1968]

“What it does show is that feminine desperation combined with feminist indoctrination can have lethal consequences if an especially dysfunctional male gets involved.” [Eric at 2129]


Filed under courtship, Dear daughter, feminine, marriage

2308. Compatibility Axioms #961-970

961. Think and act dignified, and you’ll earn respect.

962. Think and act uniquely feminine, and you’ll attract a husband.

963. Think and act like a good Christian, and you’ll develop a servant’s heart and vice versa.

964. Think and act like a lady, and you’ll be treated as one—although you may have to teach others how to do it, both what being a lady means and how a man treats her.

965. Think and act like a virgin even if you’re not, and you’ll lead men to make themselves worthy of you.

966. Think and act morally exemplary, and you’ll influence others to duplicate your character.

967. Think and act pretty, and you’ll make yourself prettier.

968. Think and act unselfishly, and you’ll become a helpmate.

969. Think and primp in front of a mirror every day, and you’ll become prettier and value yourself much higher.[315]

970. Self-respect and duty slut are mutually exclusive.


Filed under courtship, Culture & Politics, Dear daughter, feminine

2307, Preventive Relationship Maintenance — Guy’s PRiM: 58-60

  1. Overbearing male dominance inevitably injects itself where unwanted in a woman’s life. Consequently, your man won’t do well trying to meet your standards and expectations unless imposed with graceful charm, female modesty, and feminine wit. That and other sex differences enable you to maintain compatibility and harmony without stooping to manipulation, denying sex, or falling under the wheels of male dominance.
  2. Experts are responsible people, but they need authority to act. This requires that you avoid being overruled as much as practicable. Lessening your authority weakens your responsibility. You then lack influence to do what you need to do, as you see it.
  3. For good relationship maintenance, you have three primary responsibilities that promote marital longevity: resolve disagreements peaceably, avoid discouraging each other about each other, and preserve the harmony needed for relationship success.

He’ll never become Mr. Right, if you begin to think he’s Mr. Wrong. It’s not the big things such as love that hold you together. You drift apart and separate from the accumulation of small things that destroy likeability and respect. Preventive relationship maintenance keeps you aimed at making him Mr. Right instead of uncovering how he’s Mr. Wrong.

And with that I’ve run out of steam on this subject. At least for now. Tomorrow or the next day we return to our regular broadcasting.

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Filed under courtship, feminine, How she wins

2306. Preventive Relationship Maintenance — Guy’s PRiM: 57: Shape Her Future

Just a reminder: A woman’s primal need is for a brighter future. Consequently, the female nature focuses more on the future than the present. His primal drive is to compete with Nature, other men, and to shape human events. His primal need is for a place to flop, eat, and throw his things so he can recover them the next day to go fight the dragon. As a result, the male nature focuses on the present more than the future. Yet, both sexes are created to become highly compatible as mates.

That and many similar sex differences often become contradictions when two people get together with intention to mate. Success begins when leaders take charge of themselves before they take charge of others. The lady-author who writes below demonstrates how to take charge of herself and invite the man she would most like to recapture. She shapes and offers her future to invite him to shape their life together in the present. It’s a masterful stroke too, whether it works as intended or not.

At post 2305 I described the pleasant adventure I had with this lady-author and with whom I spent the day in Ohio. I learned much from her letter below. It warrants being published for all to read.

Her story. After several years of on-again, off-again relationship due to his being loved but unreliable and unsteady, when he asked for another chance, she said ‘no’. Now she opens another door for him to reconsider and perhaps recover. She wrote him the letter below.

The lady expects little or no success. She anticipates his not qualifying and having to settle for another man later. She describes her future and thereby gives ex-boyfriend first dibs to join her. That is, if he can re-qualify as potential mate within her plans, standards, and expectations. IOW, his way to recover in the short term depends on his success buying into her way for the long term. Preventive maintenance before a relationship even forms.

Note how well she discloses and confirms to herself just what she is and must have. The real value of the letter is in her attesting to her beliefs and affirming gratitude in herself. She gets more out of the letter for herself than he ever will.

I’ve made this point before. The lack of self-gratitude is the initiating cause of female unhappiness, but this lady shows no such lack. She has repaved her own road to happiness, whether she captures this man or another.

Here’s her letter. I made minor changes to protect her identity.



I trust that this finds you well. I’m doing very well – my time in the land of the brave and the home of the free is turning out to be quite interesting and I’m having a good time. [Guy adds: Letter was written while on business trip to the U.S.]

I intended for this email to be more succinct than lengthy but then I started writing and it took on a life of its own. I ask that you set aside some time to read and to internalise the content as I believe it will be well worth your time.

So I’ve been thinking about my hopes and dreams as regards my future and basically picturing how I would like and will, by God’s grace, plan my life to shape up within the next 10-15 years. As my friend I thought to share these thoughts with you.

I see myself as:

– Having a devoted, loyal, hardworking, reliable and emotionally/mentally stable and strong husband (in character and disposition) who is clearly identified reputationally and actually as the de-facto and de jure leader of our family unit.

– Having emotionally and mentally settled in my role as the woman of the house; CEO of my kitchen and home affairs. I obey, support and submit as second in command to my husband who is tasked with the overall Commander-In-Chief responsibilities outside the home. In light of this I see myself at rest because I know that his good head is well rested on his capable manly shoulders and I am safe to do my womanly business knowing full well that he’s handling his.

– Having a husband who is also at rest because he knows that he has the very best woman by his side. He knows that his vulnerability is treasured and protected. He knows that I will fight fiercely alongside him, rather than fight him, to guard our home. He is at rest because when he comes home after slaying the proverbial dragon out there in the cold harsh world, he comes to a place of rest and rejuvenation; a place where he can relax, have some peace of mind, enjoy a good meal and find a woman who is eager to cater to him in all the ways that a wife should.

– Having at least 1 child – strong, healthy, intelligent, curious, kind, thoughtful and well on the way to being capable of making his/her way in this miasma that is life.

– Having a vibrant church life with my little nuclear family as we try to figure out where we fit in to the larger Body of Christ.

– Having moved away from formal employment and possibly having set up my own independent _________ in something to do with ________ or possibly doing some ________. These projects bring some additional income into the home but my husband and I can do without them because we have consistently and carefully managed our finances and we are able to get by comfortably. I am able to focus on making the home the homely place that it should be and my husband is able to focus on whatever it is that men do to protect, provide, plan and to problem-solve.

– Having good friends – both singles and couples alike – who reinforce my relationship with God and with the members my family.

– Having taken my health seriously and looking better than I do now – healthy, happy and whole – even as I age.

– As definitely driving a _________________!

I see:

– My husband as doing meaningful gainful work for which he is passionate and which plays into his natural strengths and talents. He is active in the church and he is involved in furthering the Gospel in whichever ways that God permits him to.

– That I am very proud of my husband and I take great pleasure in being his wife and under his care and protection.

– That my husband and I read the bible and pray together, we have agreed and commit to pursue that we will not go to bed angry, we speak to each other kindly and we do not hit below the belt when we are upset. We actually like to spend time together and we are best friends – we make each other laugh, we travel together and we enjoy a simple happy life!

– My husband as having made deliberate, focused and successful efforts to unite both his and my side of the family such that we do not tolerate our in-laws but rather, as far as is possible, we are a family and we actively love one another.

– My husband is committed to understanding how my mind works and how important it is for me to have some degree of structure. He understands that he’s not my source of peace but seeks to meet me in a manner that makes sense to me. For example, he appreciates that timely feedback matters a great deal to me. He is aware that I will not fight him but at the same time he knows that when I feel like I’m pulling and pushing, tense and anxious then I am disinterested and disengaged.

– My husband is a man who keeps his word sooner rather than later, who is communicative and willing to express himself satisfactorily.

– My husband is a man who understands that hearts are not playthings and he understands that second chances at love are neither commonplace nor to be taken for granted.

– My husband has committed to understanding what love means to his wife and what intimacy means in the marriage relationship.

– My husband is a mate with whom I can grow deeper in my walk with God and our relationship is not akin to a hostage situation where I am safe only to the extent that I keep him at arm’s length or where I desperately need to cling to Christ simply because of pain.

This is by no means an easy task to execute but I think that if he’s keen to notice things as they happen, every man gets the wonderful opportunity to meet the girl for whom he is willing to undertake this arduous task of daily dying to self.

And in all this I wonder, does it excite you, as it does me, to imagine that if you play your cards right, this person could be you? ;)



I put the question to readers. Would the men or man you know be convinced that they or he should marry a woman who identified herself that way? You may recall that he wants to recover their relationship. Is it promising enough for a man to see what marriage should be like compared to what they see and feel in the modern world?

I ask readers to consider responding with their opinions.

  1. Would modern women and men respond favorably to such an initiative?
  2. How effective do you see it for preventive relationship maintenance?

The lady-author and I look forward to your feedback.


Filed under courtship, feminine, Home CEO, How she wins

2305. Preventive Relationship Maintenance — Guy’s PRiM: 56: PRiM Expert

A week ago I had one of the most pleasant adventures of my life. A reader from overseas was in the U.S. on business. She asked to visit me but travel difficulties mandated that we meet in Columbus, Ohio.

We swapped descriptions on how to meet and the rendezvous went without a hitch. With feminine grace, she turned up in a very pretty dress and high heels and sporting a special red hairdo. She looked gorgeous, but evidently she was outdone. She was almost better looking at age 28 than I at 84 in blue blazer, beard, and my water-proof hairpiece covered with a sporty blue hat.

Amazing. She must be just a little shy of my better looks, because all day everyone took one glance at her and then stared incredulously at me. I have to remember that. If I ever need attention in public, youth on my arm outranks beauty. I felt a little sorry for her, but what could I do? Can I help it if age is the new fashion?

Things change, and social customs change radically: Orange is new, black is out, old is youthful, maturity is new. Nevertheless, I felt badly. She deserved so much more attention than she received. I wanted to give but all I could do was take (all that onlooker and passerby glory). I got the credit from others, so I compensated her. I kept my eyes glued on her so she wouldn’t feel left out. So she would feel comfortable in my country.

We began the day with lunch at P.F. Chang’s China Bistro (by far my favorite—you have to test the Chilean Sea Bass, greatest fish ever). Following lunch we visited the Amish country for gift buying, ice cream, observing horse and buggy transportation, and endless dialogue about male-female relations.

Not wanting to offend a foreigner when she asked to drive, I didn’t tell her that the speedometer registered in miles rather than kilometers per hour until she passed 90 aiming for 100 on a narrow but four-lane road in a nearly new car bought just the day before.

We got a lot of dialogue points covered, however, as she spoke faster with car speed. Overall, an accomplished driver with experience only on the wrong side of the road and right side of the car, but she didn’t look or act out of place. It was fun to ride shotgun with her.

But that’s only part of my story. I learned from a relationship expert how to enable a loved man to recover after he screws up their relationship. An ounce of preventive maintenance is worth a pound of after-the-problem relationship management.

It’s coming next and expect it tomorrow.


Filed under courtship, feminine, old school

2304. Preventive Relationship Maintenance — Guy’s PRiM: 51-55

51. You can make few more important investments of yourself than to promote trust and respect with his family. Don’t deal with them through him unless he objects. Deal directly, which keeps him out of the middle and line of fire, but use indirectness as politically practicable. [Tactic suggested by Sharonwithmaryandmartha at 2297]

52. Building a satisfying relationship is good and far superior in his mind than you trying to make everything perfect. You can and should learn to live with faulty management, even your own as long as you try to improve it.

53. She wants to be more fully understood and can’t keep her mouth shut. By explaining and complaining so he will hopefully respond more to her liking, she hopes to convince him that she’s more important than he acts. It’s not a good strategy. He only wants to know her well enough first to conquer and then to live pleasantly with her doing whatever he expects at the moment. Sex, eat, TV, chit chat, job talk, etcetera, or perhaps just leave him alone. What he figures out about her is far more important and believable than what she tells him about herself. IOW, her nature pushes her to talk; his nature pushes him to hear only what’s important to his interests.

54. Squabble-prevention is key to preventive maintenance. Here’s a reminder checklist.

  • Cooperation compliments each other. Men aren’t natural cooperators with their wives; they have to be taught.
  • Competition challenges one or the other or both. Men avoid competition with their wives, and it earns blame for her.
  • Too loose lips irritate the masculine nature.
  • Blame inflames; that pointy finger also both stinks and points retro after a while.
  • Argument is counterproductive as it invites male dominance to arise from sleep that the relationship expert should be inducing routinely.
  • Patience reduces tension if it’s her patience and his tension.
  • Discretion shows respect, and she can never get enough.
  • Loving silence about important things nags, but the indirectness of her patience and wants make such nagging acceptable.
  • Gratefulness seals a deal to the extent it’s mutual.
  • Respect lets him defend her; her trust of him and his respect of her.
  • When self outweighs Us, he or she generates poor family leadership.
  • Trying to change him discredits her judgment; he expects her to know better than to try to change him.
  • Two captains in one ship leads to mutiny; one has to decide that the other has ultimate authority or the ship runs aground or sinks.
  • Tact works like WD-40 on a rusty hinge. Tact is also called the Vasoline of social intercourse.
  • Interrelationship progress stops with loss of temper—enough said.
  • Submissiveness is an attitude of gratitude, whichever way it flows.
  • More than understanding, mutual gratefulness balances her affection deficit disorder and his affection delivery
  • Feminine brightens his day. As one woman put it, femininity adds color to a man’s B&W world. [Alison A. Armstrong, Keys to the Kingdom, p.151]
  • People respect those who are different, unique, and powerful within themselves. Her power thrust in his face offends, whereas well-controlled internal strength is admired.
  • Loss of virginity, devotion, and marriage are recoverable. People make so many mistakes that recovery is everything. (Details in posts titled Virtual Virginity.)
  • She’s a keeper, once she learns how to keep him.
  • Hook up but no call? Moved in but no joy? Married but no peace? Then change herself, because men don’t or won’t.
  • Women are the maintenance experts, men go along to get a smooth and maintenance-free ride.
  • Learn the difference: Self interest motivates everyone. Self-centeredness motivates you. Us-centeredness motivates both. Her selfishness de-motivates him and vice versa.
  • Feminism sours his day; he senses blame as coming automatically from the ‘enemy’.
  • Her attacks unsettle his day; it forces him to respond competitively which he seeks to avoid by relying on male dominance or just escaping her presence.

55. If she’s never satisfied with him or things in their life together, it drives his thoughts to other options. Their wedding signals that she is satisfied with him, so dissatisfaction means she has changed and is no longer the woman he married.

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Filed under courtship, feminine, Fickle female, How she wins, sex differences

2303. Preventive Relationship Maintenance — Guy’s PRiM: 41-50

41. Quit trying to be perfect and quit trying to demand that of others. No one can be perfect but you can be the most ‘good person’ that you can imagine and the kind of woman that husband finds likeable. Perfection ain’t where it’s at. If it makes you more likeable to him, it’s the right thing to do (unless, of course, it goes against your moral principles).

42. Your moral principles and religious beliefs are a major part of your likeability. Disclose them during courtship or you will lose in the end. If you wait till after the altar, disclosure turns you into a different woman, one he did not marry. If you try to get him to buy into your beliefs and convictions, you are trying to change him, and that’s offensive to him.

43. If you learned to do or think something from feminists, drop it, quit it. It will offend him sooner or later. The nature of feminist-think makes you eager to blame him, which opens competition, which makes him vulnerable to lose battles with his woman, which men avoid at all costs, which causes male dominance to explode in her face, or else he may just escape her company. It can’t be good for you in the end.

44. If your man knows your sexual activity before him, he can use it against you. And most men will if they need it to keep from losing battles with their woman in the future. Full disclosure torpedoes the female ship, which then sinks when he decides to pull the plug and let you go your own way.

45. Sharpen your thinking and promise yourself that you will remain the closest you can to the woman he married—physically, mentally, and habitually. His thinking and expectations won’t change from the woman he met at the altar. Why should you if you hope to keep him?

46. You expect him to change to meet your expectations, but he doesn’t change his way of thinking and especially not for a woman. Consequently, he expects you not to change, but you have to in order to stay flexible and capable enough to harmonize your relationship. Only you can figure out how to keep those conflicting expectations harmonized.

47. If he doesn’t want to go to church, you go anyway. Insist that it’s your way of life with or without him. Don’t complain, don’t explain, and fix his breakfast with a smile on your face so he won’t begrudge your absence. You may attend all alone for years, but he will come to love you for it and be much more likely to join you someday. He will come to admire your moral strength and loyal determination, and what he admires is a virtue and men marry virtuous women. That is, your steady church-going (and with the kids) confirms his choice; he did the right thing by marrying you (even if he never attends church).

48. Start this during courtship. Stand up for yourself long before he has a chance to tear you down. Draw some lines in the sand that you diligently protect and over which he shouldn’t step. Example: He knows long before you marry that to hit you is to lose you. Period. That’s it. Once is enough. He can expect the same result will flow as the result of his abusive language, sexual maltreatment, lack of respect for your children, failing to respect your dignity, and whatever else you determine demeans you as person, woman, wife, and mother. He needs to know clearly—and long before you’re married that you will do exactly what you say if he crosses those lines.

49. During courtship you should clear the air about his expectation of your submission vs. your submissive spirit dedicated to supporting him. To submit is to follow his will as he directs it. However, you also have free will. You should reject his concept of submission and offer your alternative of a submissive spirit. To be submissive follows his will but is tempered by his recognizing and accommodating your interest and need.

50. Explain this difference to him and don’t allow him to change the arrangement. You have a submissive spirit that seeks to follow his lead in relationship, family, and home matters. It doesn’t mean automatic submission to his will over yours. You don’t or won’t accept what’s imposed upon you arbitrarily. But you will accept the same thing if it flows out of some form of negotiation or advance notice that invites your input. Certain decisions are his to make because he’s directly responsible for the results. Without including wife as advisor or worthy of advance notice, he can too easily demote her dignity as partner and carry an attitude of expectation that suggests she’s his slave.

Men wear submission as a biblical right, when it’s only a matter of privilege. While they deserve the role, they don’t deserve the honor without involving their wives. I describe the female authority in my book, Where Did All the Good Men Go? Chapter 8 describes both the female right and role, which are far different from masculine claims.


Filed under courtship, dear daugher, feminine, How she wins, sex differences