2768. Avoid Being Dumped (repost of 2129)


Given the expansion of female sexual freedom even into the community of prepubescent girls, this three year old article might seem OBE, overtaken by events. Doesn’t seem to matter whether gals put out or not, however, they still get dumped with nauseating regularity.

At post 1343 Her Highness Mia inquired “How can we avoid falling into the same trap over and over again … of getting dumped….” Gaining a man’s devotion and learning to keep it is the only insurance against being dropped kicked into misery.

Caution: A strategic plan follows. I have idealized how to earn a man’s devotion. Life isn’t that simple, however. Also, no plan works as written. You have to figure out what and how the principles of the plan can work in your life with your prospects. Relevant blog articles are cited, underscored, and listed in the CONTENT page.

A man interested in you will see you in two lights, sexual and emotional attractiveness. He will tend to stay focused on the sexual. Your job is to develop and keep emotional connections alive and well while he learns to see greater merit in you than just conquest.

  • Be yourself. Be honest and truthful with yourself. Avoid all phoniness regardless of what you think is happening. Be up front, blunt, and candid with him. He will appreciate it. (But not totally candid and exceptions of what NOT to disclose are described below. Definitions used here: Honesty means accuracy. Candid means full disclosure.) [HardToGet Tops Full Disclosure!]
  • You’re the buyer, he’s the seller. Buyers don’t have to buy right away. He acts, you respond. You don’t initiate, he does. He works to please you. You respond to please him, but you don’t go out of your way. Reward him, however, for going out of his way for you.
  • If you can’t admire him for who he is and what he does, then you won’t be able to respect and be grateful for him. In that case, he won’t qualify as Mr. Good Enough unless you lower your values, standards, and expectations, which I urge you not to do. Better to drop him early rather than later. [Five articles listed in CONTENTS with Good Enough in the title.]
  • Always dress modestly and your gorgeous best when he’s anywhere near. [Boob Language in 25 parts] Smile a lot and especially at and with him. Show a lot of humor but not faked. Forget any purposeful sexual attractiveness. You can’t be extraordinary, if you dress, act, and look ordinary—and sexual attractiveness is now pretty ordinary.
  • He never sees you excited with or about him. Stay calm; he’s just another guy but one of sufficient interest to perhaps be worthy of you. Emotions you reveal can be used against you and probably will be—not dishonestly either—but to facilitate conquest. Full disclosure is out and sexual history—including virgin status yes or no—is your business and none of his. [Virgin? Keep It Secret! in 2 parts; Her Sexual History in 10 parts.]
  • Have moral, religious, and personal reasons for not having sex. Don’t explain yourself, however. You are just that way. You are living up to someone or biblical values or principles higher than you. Don’t use phrasing such as you’re saving yourself for husband, etc. You’re celibate simply because your conscience says to stay that way. The more you explain, the more ammo you give him to persuade you otherwise. [Virtual Virginity in 24 parts]
  • Forget trying to convince him of your love, or love conquers all, or whatever else your female mind can conceive as beneficial of love. It may not be meaningless to him, but it won’t carry the day, won’t convince him of much. Love just isn’t that important to how a man views his future with a mate. He sees your love in the respect/appreciation/gratitude you show—actions more than words—for who he is and what he does. [Love vs. Respect in 5 parts; Sex Diff. Redux Parts 18 through 28]
  • DON’T gift him with the expectation that it will gain you favor. Men don’t appreciate unearned gifts, so you gain nothing at considerable cost. Give simple and inexpensive birthday, Christmas, and especially Valentine gifts. He doesn’t rate Valentine’s Day nearly as high or important as you. How he gifts you, however, tells you a lot. Don’t cook for him except as reward for some special favor he’s done. (Should you marry, you want your cooking to reward him for providing/protecting and not his expecting it for just being the man you love.)
  • Be patient. You need many months to allow time for a good man to change to meet your expectations. And, he has to do it mostly at his own motivation and time; your role is secondary. First, he downgrades his primary interest in conquest to include stronger interest in you. Then, he expresses his commitment with words that brighten your future. Then, he morphs into a state of devotion clearly exhibited by his actions to please himself just for wanting to please you. Then, he finds himself deeply devoted, and it shifts his focus to the promise you hold for his life and ambition. Somewhere along that process, his devotion to you shifts conquest into second place on his priority list. (You go wrong to try to influence or expedite that process. So, be patient, yourself, pleasant, and likeable in his presence. Take your complaints and worries to the Lord—but not girlfriends or family.)
  • Practice the art of thanking a man without saying thank you. See article Men are Never More Handsome….
  • DON’T pay or split pay for dates. If he won’t, he’s not good enough. If he can’t, let him treat you at Taco Bell. How he handles money promises what your future will be like with him. (Men don’t change, remember?) [Single Women Don’t Pay in 3 parts]
  • Don’t bug him to call, text, or speak of his love. He takes it as invitation to change and men don’t change for a woman—except as each one becomes devoted through his own motivation and action.
  • Use indirectness to get what you want. Seed planting, hints, questions, and weakly worded suggestions. Neither describe nor ask for your expectations to be fulfilled. What he figures out impresses him much more than what you describe or request. [Her Indirectness Overpowers Directness]
  • Don’t complain about him or his habits. If unsuitable for your future, drop him. (If you accept undesirable habits now, you in effect are saying you can live with them. When you mention them after marriage, you give him incentive to dump you. You deceived him; he married a phony because he was okay before the altar.)
  • There is no Mr. Right and it should take months for him to prove to you that he’s even Mr. Good Enough. Convince yourself and reflect this attitude: He’s not REALLY good enough FOR YOU but you’re willing to spend time with him for the enjoyment that the two of you have together. Just to see what happens. You might make good friends someday; he’s worth that as long as he’s nice and kind. Don’t try to manipulate, just find ways to keep his interest up for many months. It won’t be easy either but necessary for his focus to shift to putting your interest first and ahead of sex. [Six articles with “Mr. Right” in the title.]
  • Don’t let him hear you complain; you’re already a winner so you don’t want him involved with the complaint side of your life—at least not yet. Recall this adage? If you smile then he’s okay. If you complain then he’s at fault.

He will press you to find weaknesses to get you into bed. You need months to delay bedtime together while he discovers qualities in you that he can admire. They become virtues to him. Enough virtues and you become fascinating to him. You need more months for him to see promise in you as mate to supplement his life and ambition. After that, perhaps, a proposal.[Men Self-talk their Way to the Altar]

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2767. Refresher Thoughts — 17


  1. This feminist motto has been around for decades and women now live it vigorously: “What men can do, women can do better.” The result of that and similar feminist-think is indifference toward men as valuable tools of society, dependable mates, and responsible family members. Indifference, being the opposite of love, women nevertheless spread it and expect their love to make up for any shortfalls to the female side of life. The impact on men returns to women as indifference for them as framers of cultural standards, social expectations, and permanent mates. Even worse, the feminist attitude that men are of limited usefulness leads to women being abandoned by their men, which is their inborn greatest fear.
  2. At her website, https://insanitybytes2.wordpress.com/2017/08/31/vagueity-vague-vague/, Insanitybytes22 made this statement in the comments section. “Somebody smart once said ‘what men fear the most is women’s indifference, but what women fear the most, is men’s fear.’” To which I add, women fear indifference—the opposite of love—from men. Yet, they shower their man’s significance—what he has done and can do—with indifference.
  3. Both sexes have one unique motivational force that overrides all others and lasts for life. After puberty, men are motivated to conquer attractive females. When each one yields, he has paid her price and so he owns their sexual agenda and his interest shifts toward a new target. Thus, men have a special sex drive for the unconquered and another for those already conquered. A mother’s love comes alive with each biological birth, lasts for life, and is as unique and motivationally powerful as the primal urge of men to conquer.
  4. Women need to be cherished, but men know little or nothing about womanly needs, especially how being cherished helps fulfill the female’s role as domestic partner.
  5. Individuals are born with free will to prosper themselves as they best see fit. Each is born to get their way associating with others, that is, competitively. Experience in life teaches when it’s possible, practical, unwise, and impossible to win the competition. It’s the essence of self-development, a process that lasts for life.

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Blog 2766 — Refresher Thoughts — 16


God made male the dominant gender so a man could get his way, but mental and physical strength are never enough.

  1. To marry Mr. Right cripples a marriage. Once a gal sights and calls a guy Mr. Right, her screening process turns itself off on the presumption she found what she was after. After they wed, she sees flaws and perhaps red flags that she can’t live with. OTOH, if he screens good enough and she can live with his flaws, she has several marital decades to help him morph himself into Mr. Right by way of finding greater satisfaction living in her grateful presence.
  2. God gave women the talent, skills, and motivational energies for generating and maintaining a relationship as a couple, all the way from dating through marriage and family development. God gave men none of those motivational energies or abilities; whatever men achieve in relationships, they learn from females. Therein lies the challenge that women call burden to avoid doing what they should do as the only experts.
  3. Man and woman meet up full of mutual interest. Two conquerors face off. He seeks first sex without obligation; she seeks sincere obligation before first sex. She expects to be romanced; he views romance as part of foreplay and doesn’t deliver what she expects. She expects his love of her to develop quickly and openly as does her love of him; he expects her to earn his respect first or else his behavior doesn’t become very loveable and she faces disappointment.
  4. I hope to show that the fault lies with females—mothers, grandmothers, girls, bachelorettes, wives, and widows. Each plays a part in conditioning man-think into female friendly behavior. Men are born without the need of romance, intimacy, love, togetherness, morality, and religion. They learn the hows, whats, whens, and whys from females in their lives.
  5. A male’s inborn ambitions lead to continually doing something, accomplishing things that include both purposeful downtime and R&R, and thus adding to his significance. As he develops, a work ethic develops from his habits and successes. However, without good parenting, direction can be faulty and lack guidance. Self-development determines whether he is productive for society, women and children, and beneficial or harmful for self. Each man’s natural under-developed work ethic enables mothers, girls, bachelorettes, and wives to enhance his self-development to the advantage of females and society.

God made female the superior gender, so a wife can get her way.

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2765. Refresher Thoughts — 15


  1. Gals to one another disclose every detail in their lives. It brings them close together out of which trust and comfort develop. Mistakenly, they do the same with men. It doesn’t work and gal finds herself dropped by guy.
  2. I quote from a lady’s comment in July 2011. “But, in my eyes, I saw him as the only person I could depend on because I had confided everything in him.” Does it not illustrate relationship blunders? 1) She trusts him just because he listens? 2) She reveals herself, sends vibes of desperation, and he deciphers her weaknesses with little effort. 3) She smothers her mystery with anxiety to please him or her, and he doesn’t stay long. 4) She talks abundantly instead of listening early in a relationship. 5) She misses the opportunity to earn a man’s respect early-on by listening to him describe himself as the seller and thus aligning his thinking with her in the role of buyer. [1343]
  3. A woman’s ambitions motivate her to confirm her importance by continually keeping everything in life balanced and moving toward a brighter future. All well and good, except it’s the opposite of trying to open, build, and sustain a relationship with a man. In courtship, he should be getting used to the idea that he makes her future brighter.
  4. He figures a woman out from what he sees and not what he hears. She is opposite. So, she should enable him to talk a lot and listen accurately, thoughtfully, and pleasantly (aka smilingly). Especially in the early weeks and months of a relationship.
  5. A gal looking to find Mr. Right loves that idealized model before it appears. She focuses on her loving him more than his earning her. It’s self-defeating, as unnoticed flaws will become very evident and discouraging after marriage.
  6. She wants to be loved and cherished, but boyfriend or husband knows far less than what she expects. Men prefer to do what they can rather than inquire about what she expects. Providing what he thinks satisfies her, it satisfies him with himself, and he grows no more in the direction of what she expects.

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2764. Refresher Thoughts — 14


  1. After puberty has passed, teens and men need to be shown more respect for their self-love to grow. It means that more respect shown by his woman generates more potential to love her. Women need to be shown more love for self-respect to grow. It means that more love shown to her generates more potential to respect him.
  2. Common sense woman, wherefore art thou? Now that gals are mistakenly convinced that sex helps capture and hold a husband, dating fades in favor of just hooking up. I hear it’s becoming common for women to call men at night, and ask if they can come over for sex.
  3. A woman’s attractiveness isn’t universal except for manly desire to conquer her; it’s how the male nature works. Attractive enough to marry applies to few or very few. It’s hard for a woman to believe that, because all women are born convinced they are pretty. But men don’t marry ‘pretty’. A man marries a self-identified virtuous woman, whose prettiness he calls beauty. Virtues abound in a woman’s persona, if he discovers them before conquest. Reason? After conquest he quits looking for weaknesses to get her in bed. No longer looking means he no longer accidentally discovers qualities that he can admire, aka virtues, and she becomes no more virtuous than she was before conquest.
  4. Since day one in November 2007, my blog baseline has been that God designs, Nature endows, and hormones energize the sexes to be different in many ways. This is blog day 3585, and I paint a much larger picture. God designs the sexes to also be born alike in certain ways. Each individual is capable of being compatible with a mate, each possesses free will, each is a self-developer of who and what they are to become in life, and each seeks to get their own way whenever possible or practical.
  5. Each individual seeks to get their own way. It makes competition the major energizer in the pursuit of self-interest, which motivates everyone to get on with both self-development and life among others.
  6. Family harmony is much easier achieved under these conditions. Mother raises and disciplines the children. What husband doesn’t like, he deals with his wife. She as mother than deals with the kids. Father makes himself available to protect mom’s authority, enhance family morale, and help mom keep family values and thinking aligned and focused on producing mature adults.

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2763. She Calls It Cherished — III: Intimacy Defined


In the normal course of events, a wife has to guess whether she’s cherished or not. She has to presume it indirectly from all the signs and signals that originate in or reflect from husband’s words and actions. It’s not a very rewarding game, but many women have to play it as the only way available way to feel cherished. A more direct way exists, but men know so little about it that women see too little of it.

Intimacy has two forms. Passionate as prelude to sex and non-passionate when sex is over or of no intent at the moment. Passionate intimacy cherishes her as sex partner, but she may or may not feel cherished as a woman. Non-passionate intimacy cherishes her as a wife. She hopes for both. However, the non-passionate carries more weight; cherished as a wife includes her sex appeal or husband’s satisfaction; unless something shows otherwise.

Men have little trouble showing passionate intimacy to get what they want. It confirms a female’s sex appeal. Some women may take it as being cherished, but wives don’t. Passionate intimacy leaves cherishment incomplete, but the non-passionate form cherishes her dynamically as a wife. Sensing deep in her heart that she will live a fulfilling life, she desires to be cherished as a whole, successful, and important person even over and above being a woman.

A female expects to be equal as a person, respected as a woman, and used as a sex object. The easier she yields the latter outside of marriage, the more difficult to earn respect. The less respect she earns as a woman among men, the less she finds herself treated equally as a person. To be cherished as a wife compensates for shortfalls in that formula.

What a woman expects does not arise out of the male nature; men are not made that way. So, she has to lay the groundwork out of which she’s hopeful that he will cherish her. How then does she embellish her relationship such that husband or her man cherishes her more than he’s naturally inclined?

Her objective: Condition husband’s thought processes so that he more frequently expresses his devotion at opportune moments, especially just before going to sleep. How? The essence of being cherished can be found in the gratitude that husband/father has for wife/mother, but the male nature works against expressing close emotional ties. So:

  • Get the TV and late night shows out of the bedroom. It’s tough for him to think of expressing intimacy to a “well-used” wife after watching all the shapely dollies prance around. Having just watched hunks outshine her man, wife easily forgets that she’s trying to encourage his intimate behavior, which is the most direct source of her being cherished.
  • Go to bed at the same time. Find ways to encourage him to hold her, snuggle, get personal in his talk, and caress her as the last functions before sleep; e.g., inquire as to what he’s grateful for—then, now, and future. Find ways to connect his gratitude to her presence, and add intimacy to pillow talk.
  • Discreetly shift family habits of thought and conversation away from both kid and adult problems and toward finding gratefulness in whatever life brings; e.g., wife explains to kids at the dinner table how her husband’s accomplishments lead to benefits for kids and family.
  • Only a good and tough mom can do this. Develop and use a ritual to teach family members to find gratitude in each other; e.g., develop this new habit for all members. The birthdate of each member each month will be celebrated by the family seated without absentees at the dinner table. Enforce the code that each member earns the respect of all others on their special day each month. The topic of conversation is to find things for which others are grateful for the ‘guest of honor’ that day. Yes, four kids and you have six dinners together each month, but only one member is highlighted each time. (Just an idea to spur hubby to habitually think about what he’s grateful for.)

A woman’s mission in life is to make herself important to both self and others. She shares herself, spreads her love, enjoys the rewards of giving, and satisfies herself that she is good by doing good. She helps fulfill the lives of those important to her, and her family outranks others. She’s helped along by the natural reward that comes from giving of love and doing for others.

She longs for frequent approval by the most important person in her life. As a girl, it’s usually her father, as wife her husband, and as shack up her man. If he’s not the most important, then fulfillment as a woman escapes her.

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2762. She Calls It Cherished — II


he subject of intimacy is hereby delayed another day or two.

Giving birth is the ultimate accomplishment and each child is a gift, but a woman’s life is primarily devoted to finding, loving, and being cherished by a man. She makes herself important by making herself important to others. If she finds herself cherished, she’s living to the best of her ability.

If cherished, she fulfills the life of a female. She expects her love to be reflected back at her with the same or greater dedication. Her love duplicated can’t be improved. If reflected back at her it’s the ultimate gift and most significant measure of her importance in life.

A man’s love is different. It arises out of his devotion, her loyalty, and their mutual likeability, all of which improve in her view when she is cherished.

To cherish a woman, a man sees that she’s uniquely and highly satisfying as his mate. He sees her appearance as uniquely appealing, perceives her as a virtuous female, senses she’s dependent on his endeavors in life, considers her ideal as his live-in mate, and helps keep him satisfied that he could not have chosen a finer woman.

Just as a man doesn’t know what ‘cherished’ means to a woman, she lacks foresight of what he expects to cherish her. Women can promote themselves toward being cherished with skillful use of their relationship expertise that helps fulfill husbandly expectations:

  • He finds her uniquely and highly satisfying as his mate. So, she lives up to someone or something bigger than herself and it works to keep her calm and steadfast; e.g., she smiles a lot, almost never complains, and lets him discover his mistakes and expose his unattractive behaviors with little more than a glance of disapproval from her.
  • He sees her appearance as uniquely appealing. So, she dresses upscale mainstream attractive but not radical; e.g., she stresses feminine mystique, female modesty, and monogamous spirit in ways that make her more appealing than other women.
  • He perceives her as a virtuous female. So, of her qualities that he admires, she reinforces their use or exposure and dresses to please his taste more than hers; e.g., he frequently compliments her attire.
  • He senses she’s dependent on his endeavors in life. So, she adjusts her cooperative spirit to keep him satisfied with who she is and what she does; e.g., if he likes punctual, she’s punctual.
  • He considers her ideal as his live-in mate. So, she manages the home in ways that keep him satisfied with their living together; e.g., he watches a lot of football, and she doesn’t interrupt when his favorite team plays.
  • She helps keep him satisfied that he could not have chosen a finer woman. So, she’s a model of quiet dignity during annoying, frustrating, and even exasperating moments, especially those that involve him; e.g., her decorum and attitude have the effect of calming him.

Women have many talents, skills, and techniques to embellish delivery of their love in both a relationship and home. By doing so, provided it’s the kind of loving attention that compliments her man, she improves the relationship atmosphere that fosters her being cherished. But that’s not all. She has one other input to her being cherished, and that’s the subject for tomorrow: intimacy.

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