Her Highness Lovely at 1370 asked for more info about encouraging gentlemanly behavior among men. With apologies to her, I’ve shifted the agenda toward the married set. Wives acting ladylike induce and encourage husbands to act more gentlemanly.
Stand by for a shock. Quit saying “thank you” to men including your own. Become more specific; ladies don’t take shortcuts dealing with gentlemen.
Choose and practice something else. Thank you is a routine courtesy. To men it’s no surprise, hence no discomfort, hence no change of thinking on their part. Thank you isn’t wrong, just inadequate when more is needed if you want men to change. You have to change yourself first.
“Thank you” is words; men place value on actions and tend to ignore the routine stuff. The 15 examples cited below are action oriented by being different, surprising, and encouraging.
Give some of the examples below a test and see if they make a difference in how you’re treated. They are ideas more appropriate for my generation, so you’ll have to give them a more modern tilt and lilt.
Change ‘thank you’ to something else whenever your man does anything that recognizes who and what you are to him. Even try to turn negatives around. Examples of his comments: Good dinner. You missed a spot cleaning that window. I want to but we can’t afford wine with our dinner tonight. Even though I can’t stand whats-his-name, I’ll take you to that movie. Want me to wash your car, darling? Aren’t you glad you don’t have to clean the kids trash from inside the car?
Gentlemen are born out of the actions of ladies. Respond eyeball-to-eyeball, bravely and sincerely, perhaps even sometimes shaking a friendly finger with something appropriate along the line of these examples:
- Yea, I saw that window smear too, but after your boss jumped your case, I figured you needed to pass it on to someone else. So I left it for you to pick up on. I love looking out for your morale.
- Dinner with you is always better than dinner with wine.
- Men are never more handsome than when they please a lady or ….
- Where did you find that graciousness in your heart? It sure makes you shine.
- I wish I were as good as you at overlooking MY hard-headedness.
- I often dream about your kindhearted smile; it warms my nights when you’re away.
- Wow! What an unexpected delight. You know of course that’s the definition of high quality. Any woman wants to be pleased with high quality in anything. Anything to offer tonight?
- My major blessings come in a package exactly the size and shape of you. Ain’t that the kicks?
- Wherefore art though, Sir Galahad. NO, NO, wherefore have thou been, King Arthur. Let’s sit round your table. One knight’s enough for me if he’s top dog.
- I can’t wait for you to teach our grandkids all the blessed techniques you have for pleasing your spouse.
- When things get tougher much like we see it coming, I hope you don’t mind if I push you out in front for protection. I’ll cover the back office. With the right level of sweetness, I may even learn to cook your favorite without bragging.
- Okay, you earned it. Stop, listen up. Next Saturday is hero day. You sit, I fix, you name it, you got it, you go R&R, I go ETP (eager to please but don’t define it to him, let him wonder, keep the mystery dangling for awhile). My heroes don’t go without a medal, however sloppy the day may become.
- Have you thought of how easy and often you please me compared to how we used to live? Maybe it’s not a miracle, but you do answer prayers. Are you open to special orders?
- My problems vanish when we drive together. It’s a whole ‘nother life.
- I’ve noticed that women in clean cars seem to smile more than those in dirty cars. Am I just imagining it? You’re so dependable for making me smile.
At first your man will think you crazy. But feminine boldness makes a lady. (Crazy ain’t no big deal; what about all those crazies you have to routinely deal with?)
You can’t expect good results without putting men in a good frame of mind. They respond best to female indirectness, mystery, uniqueness, and feminine boldness out of which they figure out their own conclusions and opinions. The 15 examples are just ideas. They can be tailored to your own situations and used in endless variations and applications to make you come across as a unique woman/wife gifted with techniques for pleasing him that makes him feel exceptional to have a lady as mate.
The examples are development ideas to reflect a female spirit that can attract men or induce your man to stay around. You’re exceptional when you make him exceptional. For his lady, when nobody expects it of him, a man enjoys treating her accordingly. Remember too, in the early years she sacrifices in order to deserve her rewards that come after years of marriage and she has enlarged and then dominates her family. It takes years, patience, and skill that women possess and men lack.
Correction. In post 1370 I suggested always moving off of his left arm as it puts him in the naturally protective position. There’s an alternative. When walking along sidewalks discreetly slip over to the inside of him, More etiquette than protection as it originated to protect women from mud-slinging cars.
I’m sure you ladies have many lady and gentlemanly traits you’d like to see become social standards once again. Send suggestions to me and perhaps we can raise more dialogue. The ideas need to be spread before they can become expectations.