2768. Avoid Being Dumped (repost of 2129)

Given the expansion of female sexual freedom even into the community of prepubescent girls, this three year old article might seem OBE, overtaken by events. Doesn’t seem to matter whether gals put out or not, however, they still get dumped with nauseating regularity.

At post 1343 Her Highness Mia inquired “How can we avoid falling into the same trap over and over again … of getting dumped….” Gaining a man’s devotion and learning to keep it is the only insurance against being dropped kicked into misery.

Caution: A strategic plan follows. I have idealized how to earn a man’s devotion. Life isn’t that simple, however. Also, no plan works as written. You have to figure out what and how the principles of the plan can work in your life with your prospects. Relevant blog articles are cited, underscored, and listed in the CONTENT page.

A man interested in you will see you in two lights, sexual and emotional attractiveness. He will tend to stay focused on the sexual. Your job is to develop and keep emotional connections alive and well while he learns to see greater merit in you than just conquest.

• Be yourself. Be honest and truthful with yourself. Avoid all phoniness regardless of what you think is happening. Be up front, blunt, and candid with him. He will appreciate it. (But not totally candid and exceptions of what NOT to disclose are described below. Definitions used here: Honesty means accuracy. Candid means full disclosure.) [HardToGet Tops Full Disclosure!]
• You’re the buyer, he’s the seller. Buyers don’t have to buy right away. He acts, you respond. You don’t initiate, he does. He works to please you. You respond to please him, but you don’t go out of your way. Reward him, however, for going out of his way for you.
• If you can’t admire him for who he is and what he does, then you won’t be able to respect and be grateful for him. In that case, he won’t qualify as Mr. Good Enough unless you lower your values, standards, and expectations, which I urge you not to do. Better to drop him early rather than later. [Five articles listed in CONTENTS with Good Enough in the title.]
• Always dress modestly and your gorgeous best when he’s anywhere near. [Boob Language in 25 parts] Smile a lot and especially at and with him. Show a lot of humor but not faked. Forget any purposeful sexual attractiveness. You can’t be extraordinary, if you dress, act, and look ordinary—and sexual attractiveness is now pretty ordinary.
• He never sees you excited with or about him. Stay calm; he’s just another guy but one of sufficient interest to perhaps be worthy of you. Emotions you reveal can be used against you and probably will be—not dishonestly either—but to facilitate conquest. Full disclosure is out and sexual history—including virgin status yes or no—is your business and none of his. [Virgin? Keep It Secret! in 2 parts; Her Sexual History in 10 parts.]
• Have moral, religious, and personal reasons for not having sex. Don’t explain yourself, however. You are just that way. You are living up to someone or biblical values or principles higher than you. Don’t use phrasing such as you’re saving yourself for husband, etc. You’re celibate simply because your conscience says to stay that way. The more you explain, the more ammo you give him to persuade you otherwise. [Virtual Virginity in 24 parts]
• Forget trying to convince him of your love, or love conquers all, or whatever else your female mind can conceive as beneficial of love. It may not be meaningless to him, but it won’t carry the day, won’t convince him of much. Love just isn’t that important to how a man views his future with a mate. He sees your love in the respect/appreciation/gratitude you show—actions more than words—for who he is and what he does. [Love vs. Respect in 5 parts; Sex Diff. Redux Parts 18 through 28]
• DON’T gift him with the expectation that it will gain you favor. Men don’t appreciate unearned gifts, so you gain nothing at considerable cost. Give simple and inexpensive birthday, Christmas, and especially Valentine gifts. He doesn’t rate Valentine’s Day nearly as high or important as you. How he gifts you, however, tells you a lot. Don’t cook for him except as reward for some special favor he’s done. (Should you marry, you want your cooking to reward him for providing/protecting and not his expecting it for just being the man you love.)
• Be patient. You need many months to allow time for a good man to change to meet your expectations. And, he has to do it mostly at his own motivation and time; your role is secondary. First, he downgrades his primary interest in conquest to include stronger interest in you. Then, he expresses his commitment with words that brighten your future. Then, he morphs into a state of devotion clearly exhibited by his actions to please himself just for wanting to please you. Then, he finds himself deeply devoted, and it shifts his focus to the promise you hold for his life and ambition. Somewhere along that process, his devotion to you shifts conquest into second place on his priority list. (You go wrong to try to influence or expedite that process. So, be patient, yourself, pleasant, and likeable in his presence. Take your complaints and worries to the Lord—but not girlfriends or family.)
• Practice the art of thanking a man without saying thank you. See article Men are Never More Handsome….
• DON’T pay or split pay for dates. If he won’t, he’s not good enough. If he can’t, let him treat you at Taco Bell. How he handles money promises what your future will be like with him. (Men don’t change, remember?) [Single Women Don’t Pay in 3 parts]
• Don’t bug him to call, text, or speak of his love. He takes it as invitation to change and men don’t change for a woman—except as each one becomes devoted through his own motivation and action.
• Use indirectness to get what you want. Seed planting, hints, questions, and weakly worded suggestions. Neither describe nor ask for your expectations to be fulfilled. What he figures out impresses him much more than what you describe or request. [Her Indirectness Overpowers Directness]
• Don’t complain about him or his habits. If unsuitable for your future, drop him. (If you accept undesirable habits now, you in effect are saying you can live with them. When you mention them after marriage, you give him incentive to dump you. You deceived him; he married a phony because he was okay before the altar.)
• There is no Mr. Right and it should take months for him to prove to you that he’s even Mr. Good Enough. Convince yourself and reflect this attitude: He’s not REALLY good enough FOR YOU but you’re willing to spend time with him for the enjoyment that the two of you have together. Just to see what happens. You might make good friends someday; he’s worth that as long as he’s nice and kind. Don’t try to manipulate, just find ways to keep his interest up for many months. It won’t be easy either but necessary for his focus to shift to putting your interest first and ahead of sex. [Six articles with “Mr. Right” in the title.]
• Don’t let him hear you complain; you’re already a winner so you don’t want him involved with the complaint side of your life—at least not yet. Recall this adage? If you smile then he’s okay. If you complain then he’s at fault.

He will press you to find weaknesses to get you into bed. You need months to delay bedtime together while he discovers qualities in you that he can admire. They become virtues to him. Enough virtues and you become fascinating to him. You need more months for him to see promise in you as mate to supplement his life and ambition. After that, perhaps, a proposal.[Men Self-talk their Way to the Altar]

2258. Compatibility Axioms #821-830

821. He’s never eager to admit fault about his sexual prowess. Nor should he be excused, but she ventures onto rocky terrain when she brings it up. [281]

822. Commitment to a relationship does not mean she’s cherished. Neither does commitment energize a man the same way or extent that devotion does. Devotion begins cherishment; the more he devotes himself to her over his interests enables cherishment to grow. [281]

823. Men can be changed slowly but don’t always expect success. They dig in their heels when not done with the respect they expect and the indirectness and patience that makes her seem to defer to him. [281]

824. Men may be insensitive clods to women. But they consider their manly sexual expertise and boudoir manner to be exceptional if not extraordinary. To them, it makes up for their shortcomings.[281]

825. Virtual virginity works better than bed-testing before marriage. It conditions his thinking that she’s highly sensitive and possessive about what she expects of him. [281]

826. Women make unmarried sex so easy that men don’t have to pay attention to her needs, drives, and desires. But doubts arise about her history and worth for marriage, if she’s too easily conquered. [281]

827. What one generation allows, the next practices. [284]

828. Living by high moral standards reinforces a girl or woman as right, proper, and courageous. Not living that way makes her easy prey for abuse by boys and men. [284]

829. If she’s easy with sex, she’s of doubtful quality to the Marrying Man. [284]

830. Morality serves women and children much more than men. Highly moral cultural values apply pressure on everyone to make society more female friendly. [284]

 

2154. Compatibility Axioms #681-690

681. Modest attire signals covered boobs to be protected boobs. Cleavage drastically eases his worry about gaining access.  [235]

682. She assertively initiates unmarried sex—will she be led to church or left in the lurch? Odds favor the latter. [236]

683. New mothers that have no husband to love them indulge their children in false hope mom will be more deeply appreciated.  [236]

684. She wears her heart on her sleeve, just to be sure he understands her—mystique or mistake? Probably the latter. [236]

685. She goes for one-night stands and complains when he doesn’t call. Who’s at fault? The giver or the taker? [236]

686. Girls providing fellatio in public add dignity to the female gender, and that encourages masculine respect. Right? [236]

687. She gets in his face loudly to win an argument. Is she attractive to keep around or just another guy to ignore? [236]

688. A woman’s moral standards set boundaries for a guy’s treatment of her. Her enforcement holds him in line, earns his respect, and sends silent messages about how life will be with her. [237]

689. Except for the physical, feminine nature easily counterbalances male dominance. But modern women abandon their strengths for doing so. If he’s comfortable, he’s in control. If he’s uncomfortable, she’s in control. [237]

690. Her mystery, morality, and modesty signal ‘permission denied’ for male boldness. It checks him, before he ventures too far. His need for caution makes him uncomfortable, which adds to her ability to dominate. [237]

 

2137. RANDOM THOUGHTS—Group 97

• Modern women betray their best interests. They abandon their greatest strengths dealing with males: mystery, modesty, morality, manners, meekness, marriage, monogamy, mothering, and a self-imposed and unique majesty that commands respect from males. The fallout spreads across society and men assume greater dominion over women and their home together.
• Feminism encourages men to spread their seed. Femininity rewards men for hoarding it.
• Confused but ever alert for another conquest, men watch as females of all ages deal unsuccessfully with their mates. As relationships crumble, men exploit the females dumped into the pool of those so desperate to recover they are easy to conquer.
• If a man is to compete energetically for one woman to keep for a lifetime, women must have something of greater value than just genitalia.
  Since all women have that in common, he’s lured by other rewards than just sex for husbanding and fathering.
• Feminism expects men to suppress their masculine instincts and still please women. Femininity expects men to use their masculine instincts to prove themselves worthy of women, children, and family life.
• Women seek to change their world but do not listen to men. They learn by listening only to women. Consequently, what women know about men is often wrong.
• Men see things like this. Things don’t change satisfactorily unless men change them or have them changed.
• Men don’t look for flaws in the woman they marry. Her qualities outweigh her shortcomings, so that’s good enough. Women are opposite. His flaws are both correctable and his being good enough depends on his qualities enabling her to work on his flaws. Consequently, men marry a good woman and expect her to remain good for him. Therefore, he’s blameless if she changes. Women marry a man with flaws correctable by her and expecting to make him better for her. She earns the blame if he turns out different than she expects. Out of that arises the foreigner in their relationship, undeserved blame for the other. Blame and compatibility are already mutually exclusive, and undeserved blame makes it toxic.

 

2129. Avoid Being Dumped

At post 1343 Her Highness Mia inquired “How can we avoid falling into the same trap over and over again … of getting dumped….” Gaining a man’s devotion and learning to keep it is the only insurance against being dropped kicked into misery.

Caution: A strategic plan follows. I have idealized how to earn a man’s devotion. Life isn’t that simple, however. Also, no plan works as written. You have to figure out what and how the principles of the plan can work in your life with your prospects. Relevant blog articles are cited and underscored.

A man interested in you will see you in two lights, sexual and emotional attractiveness. He will tend to stay focused on the sexual. Your job is to develop and keep emotional connections alive and well while he learns to see greater merit in you than just conquest.

• Be yourself. Be honest and truthful with yourself. Avoid all phoniness regardless of what you think is happening. Be up front, blunt, and candid with him. He will appreciate it. (But not totally candid and exceptions of what NOT to disclose are described below. Definitions used here: Honesty means accuracy. Candid means full disclosure.) [HardToGet tops Full Disclosure!]
• You’re the buyer, he’s the seller. Buyers don’t have to buy right away. He acts, you respond. You don’t initiate, he does. He works to please you. You respond to please him, but you don’t go out of your way. Reward him, however, for going out of his way for you.
• If you can’t admire him for who he is and what he does, then you won’t be able to respect and be grateful for him. In that case, he won’t qualify as Mr. Good Enough unless you lower your values, standards, and expectations, which I urge you not to do. Better to drop him early rather than later. [Five articles listed in CONTENTS with Good Enough in the title.]
• Always dress modestly and your gorgeous best when he’s anywhere near. [Boob Language in 25 parts] Smile a lot and especially at and with him. Show a lot of humor but not faked. Forget any purposeful sexual attractiveness. You can’t be extraordinary, if you dress, act, and look ordinary—and sexual attractiveness is now ordinary.
• He never sees you excited with or about him. Stay calm; he’s just another guy but one of sufficient interest to perhaps be worthy of you. Emotions you reveal can be used against you and probably will be—not dishonestly either—to facilitate conquest. Full disclosure is out and sexual history—including virgin status yes or no—is your business and none of his. [Virgin? Keep It Secret! in 2 parts; Her Sexual History in 10 parts.]
• Have moral, religious, and personal reasons for not having sex. Don’t explain yourself, however. You are just that way. You are living up to someone or biblical values or principles higher than you. Don’t use phrasing such as you’re saving yourself for husband, etc. You’re celibate simply because your conscience says to stay that way. The more you explain, the more ammo you give him to persuade you otherwise. [Virtual Virginity in 24 parts]
• Forget trying to convince him of your love, or love conquers all, or whatever else your female mind can conceive as beneficial of love. It may not be meaningless to him, but it won’t carry the day, won’t convince him of much. Love just isn’t that important to how a man views his future with a mate. He sees your love in the respect/appreciation/gratitude you show—actions more than words—for who he is and what he does. [Love vs. Respect in 5 parts; Sex Diff. Redux Parts 18 through 28]
• DON’T gift him with the expectation that it will gain you favor. Men don’t appreciate unearned gifts, so you gain nothing at considerable cost. Give simple and inexpensive birthday, Christmas, and especially Valentine gifts. He doesn’t rate Valentine’s Day nearly as high or important as you. How he gifts you, however, tells you a lot. Don’t cook for him except as reward for some special favor he’s done. (Should you marry, you want your cooking to reward him for providing/protecting and not his expecting it for just being the man you love.)
• Be patient. You need many months to allow time for a good man to change to meet your expectations. And, he has to do it mostly at his own motivation and time; your role is secondary. First, he downgrades his primary interest in conquest to include stronger interest in you. Then, he expresses his commitment with words that brighten your future. Then, he morphs into a state of devotion clearly exhibited by his actions to please himself just for wanting to please you. Then, he finds himself deeply devoted, and it shifts his focus to the promise you hold for his life and ambition. Somewhere along that process, his devotion to you shifts conquest into second place on his priority list. (You go wrong to try to influence or expedite that process. So, be patient, yourself, pleasant, and likeable in his presence. Take your complaints and worries to the Lord—but not girlfriends or family.)
• Practice the art of thanking a man without saying thank you. See article 2059. Men are Never More Handsome….
• DON’T pay or split pay for dates. If he won’t, he’s not good enough. If he can’t, let him treat you at Taco Bell. How he handles money promises what your future will be like with him. (Men don’t change, remember?) [Single Women Don’t Pay in 3 parts]
• Don’t bug him to call, text, or speak of his love. He takes it as invitation to change and men don’t change for a woman—except as each one becomes devoted through his own motivation and action.
• Use indirectness to get what you want. Seed planting, hints, questions, and weakly worded suggestions. Neither describe nor ask for your expectations to be fulfilled. What he figures out impresses him much more than what you describe or request. [Her Indirectness Overpowers Directness]
• Don’t complain about him or his habits. If unsuitable for your future, drop him. (If you accept undesirable habits now, you in effect are saying you can live with them. When you mention them after marriage, you give him incentive to dump you. You deceived him; he married a phony because he was okay before the altar.)
• There is no Mr. Right and it should take months for him to prove to you that he’s even Mr. Good Enough. Convince yourself and reflect this attitude: He’s not REALLY good enough FOR YOU but you’re willing to spend time with him for the enjoyment that the two of you have together. Just to see what happens. You might make good friends someday; he’s worth that as long as he’s nice and kind. Don’t try to manipulate, just find ways to keep his interest up for many months. It won’t be easy either but necessary for his focus to shift to putting your interest first and ahead of sex. [Four articles with “Mr. Right” in the title.]
• Don’t let him hear you complain; you’re already a winner so you don’t want him involved with the complaint side of your life—at least not yet.

He will press you to find weaknesses to get you into bed. You need months to delay bedtime together while he discovers qualities in you that he can admire. They become virtues to him. Enough virtues and you become fascinating to him. You need more months for him to see promise in you as mate to supplement his life and ambition. After that, perhaps, a proposal.[Men Self-talk their Way to the Altar]

 

2116. Compatibility Axioms #571-580

571. A woman that appears very ordinary stales fast in the face of erotic scenery outside the home. [203]

572. Men are born hard-headed and hard-hearted. Women are born hard-headed but soft-hearted. It takes years to soften his heart, and her going soft in the head doesn’t help her but stops softening of his heart. Experts aren’t very effective when their thinking goes mushy. [203]

573. Modern women market themselves poorly. They put all their eggs in the advertising basket, use cheap packaging, and ignore product quality. They advertise sex, dress cheaply, groom carelessly, and think and hope that sex will both capture and hold a man. One-night stand, yes! Hold, no! [205]

574. Sexy apparel and exposed skin precisely focuses a man’s interest on conquest. After conquest, he may or may not focus on her other interests. [205]

575. By fishing with sex as bait, she yields dominance and sex to him. This minimizes her negotiating power and puts their future in his hands. [205]

576. Sex needs no advertising. It sells itself, and advertising it cheapens a woman for everything but sex. [205]

577. Women need high quality packaging to project the appearance and confirm the fact of an extraordinary female—the kind to whom men marry and stay married. [205]

578. Regarding her appearance, if she doesn’t protect her self-respect, display self-confidence, and reflect self-esteem, she lacks quality for much more than temporary gigs with men. [205]

579. Modest attire, attractive grooming, and high-standard feminine behavior create a mysterious quality that intrigues men. It elevates a woman toward keeperhood. [205]

580. As women go, so goes society, and feminine mystique, modesty, and morality drive the best bus for females. Exclusively advertising sex makes a woman miss the bus. She’s left behind to get run over by men. [205]

 

2062. Female Blessings at Birth — 64-66

Thank you ladies for the nice responses to post 2061’s Editor’s Note. I love it when pretty women say I’m doing the right thing.

This is the 23rd group of three blessings, and I’m grateful for your responses. Especially those that signify your agreement or disagreement, T or F.

64. I grasp instinctively that man must be capable of evil since there is so much. I sense a burden to stop it but give up at the thought how little old me can do anything. [Guy adds: When men don’t have to step up to moral standards imposed by their woman or higher authority than Man, then morality crumbles under the heel of male dominance guided and eventually governed by alpha men without consciences. It’s a cycle that repeats throughout history. Our Judeo-Christian culture is the best system ever devised to uphold morality as the guiding principle. Now that appears to be disappearing.]

65. I am proud to accept the principle of submission to husband as long as he deserves it. But I also have a say in it even though public opinion seems to ignore my opinion. (It seems fair that submission is my side of the bargain for him to give up his independence for me.) [Guy adds: Women have the free will to deal with the submission issue as they choose. Their naturally endowed relationship expertise provides them with the capability to turn disputes into mutual agreement provided they don’t wish for something else.]

66. I reap great pleasure spreading joy wherever I go but especially in my own home. Unfortunately, I can’t be as joyful as I would like; it just seems to slip away. [Guy adds: Imagine if you can, a joy-filled woman sitting around doing nothing or spending her time alone. Joy doesn’t come without self-gratitude, and that doesn’t come without discovering within herself the multitude of blessings that she inherits at birth. And when she has enough self-gratitude, she doesn’t sit around doing nothing. She extends herself, adds to her self-importance, and out of that great wives emerge to uphold morality and enable others to find joy. A favorite example is this. Men conquered the American West but wives civilized it by imposing religious values on their husbands directly and other men indirectly. Whatever joy they had as women, it arose out of success imposing morality on men to make society more female friendly.]

Example for your response: “66-F ” works okay to reflect your opinion of false to that one item. Also, comments are welcome and desired, especially if you take exception to anything.

 

2015. Female Blessings at Birth — 19-21

It’s the seventh group and I’m grateful for whatever feedback you send.

I continue taking the (currently 85) default attitudes for a test drive and your examination.

Please identify each item by its number and indicate true/false, as you see it. True means that a default item is part of female nature that women inherit at birth. False means that the item is missing completely from your heart or something you learned during life.

Where “Guy adds,” I could be wrong. Feel free to challenge my assumptions.

19. I’m grateful that I have the ultimate ‘out’. I can seek God’s forgiveness to relieve my self-blame and guilt. It’s up to me to believe—first in God, second in His intention—that I’m forgiven and free to forget an incident or fault. [Guy adds: Born soft-hearted and taught to be tender-hearted, excess guilt hardens the female heart. Forgiveness relieves such guilt except when she lacks belief in God or faith in His forgiveness. Or, she refuses such forgiveness as undeserved, which just explains shortage of belief, faith, or both.]
20. I’m grateful to realize that morality and religion are essential and I can use them to brighten my future. Both serve us women in the process of civilizing boys, taming men, and domesticating husbands. [Guy adds: Men lack the natural interest that women have for morality and female-friendly religion. However, in order to live up to the expectations of mothers and mates, men adopt and use both. As women go so goes society; as morality and Western religions are promoted and popularized, so goes female-friendliness.]
21. I’m grateful to be in charge of my home. I accept responsibility for both a civil and well-disciplined household. Husband participates and backs me up when I need greater authority, which is almost never necessary as long as I do my best. (And anyway, when he’s invited to help, he goes too far or takes over.) [Guy adds: Husband provides the head and wife the heart of the home. The attitudes of family members flow out of the family heart and reflect her effectiveness. Blaming husband for dissatisfaction invites him to direct her efforts.]

Example for responses: “21-F ” works okay to reflect your opinion of false to that one item. Also, comments are welcome and desired if you take exception.

Thank you for your opinions.