Tag Archives: female nature

2130. Male Bonding


Sir Eric’s clear and worthy questions at 2127 inspire this post.

Two conquerors face off. He seeks conquest; she seeks marriage. The female nature is willing to change to conquer. But the male nature resists, resents, and even retaliates against changing to please anyone else and especially a woman. (We observe it in toddlers.)

Bonding arises out of the male nature only when tied to something of significant interest. A prospective conquest is of prime significance. Males thus face an internal conflict. To conquer they have to change to please a woman if she won’t easily part with her favors.

Women love and partially bond before conquest, and sex finalizes the process for them. Bonding is not necessary for conquest but mutual bonding is for marriage. Thus, another conflict. Lifetime obligations don’t emerge unless the man changes sufficiently well that mutual bonding occurs.

A man will change provided he has the proper incentive. His self-interest to conquer makes him willing to pay that price. He will change over time to conquer a resisting woman. He will teach himself to please her in order to please himself and vice versa. It starts as desire to conquer but morphs away from sex to her when her fascination and promise for his future outshine his desire to conquer. His pleasing actions become new habits over time and reprogram his heart into believing she’s worth it.

All done in hope of convincing her into bed sooner rather than later. His conquering motivations provide the glue, his actions clamp two self-interests together in mutual bond. Thus, it appears that he changes to please a woman but he doesn’t. He changes to please himself, to facilitate conquering her. Both are beneficiaries of the process that works in two steps when women hold out for marriage.

1) Frustration being the father of invention, men denied first sex together find words of commitment. Further denials of sex bring out greater effort including his conscience to honor his words and thus deepen his commitment. Such commitment, however, doesn’t hold nearly as much adhesive as does the second part of the bonding process which happens over more time.

2) Devotion emerges out of his continued actions that please him for pleasing her, and those actions program his heart with emotions that bond. (The deeper his devotion becomes, however, the more it shifts her toward the alpha role in marriage, which invites her to do wrong things and thus makes it easier for her to screw up their marriage).

Thus, if change is a trap, he’s self-seduced by desire to conquer. By withholding sex, a woman provides the incentive that drives him to change and become capable of bonding well with her.

When her actions work contrary to his intentions, his frustration for first sex turns into the pursuit of sex only and less interest in her. Consequently, her job is to keep him in pursuit, which calls primarily for no sexual relations. Remove that incentive and a man’s bonding is far less likely to solidify into permanent obligation.

I realize the real world doesn’t work like that today. But, I describe the nature of men and women that closes the gap between her natural inheritance to be compatible with a mate and his natural resistance to mate up permanently with only one.

 

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2093. Compatibility Axioms #511-520


NOTE: A man’s domains are those relationship issues about which he’s the boss, near-boss, thinks he should be, or aspires to be that eminent person. Either as he sees it or concludes from daily negotiations or haggling with his woman. [189]

511. It’s the territorial imperative in coupledom. She shows disrespect when she invades his domains and signals his insignificance when she succeeds.[189]

512. Disrespect shown to a man piles up to kill his love. Insignificance piles up to end his presence. [189]

513. Symptoms of less love and his impending departure can be found in less interest for fulfilling his woman’s hopes and dreams. [189]

514. When women try to lead in masculine domains, much as feminists do, men find bigger or better ways to stay ahead. This leads to put downs, mistreatment, and an ‘I’ll show you’ spirit. Examples: rap music, family abandonment, and abusiveness. [189]

515. Relationship success comes from making daily decisions that build mutually recognized and honored domains for each spouse. An organization cannot long function under two equal CEOs. [189]

516. Men appreciate cheap and easy sex. But, they don’t much value unearned gifts. Such female behavior cheapens a man’s conquering spirit. It denies him opportunity to prove his manly worth by other than sexual performance. [190]

517. A woman’s eagerness for the excitement of sex make her appear too loose for a man to expect her faithfulness.  [190]

518. Being given what a man expects to be a challenge turns him toward other challenges. [190]

519. The female nature intuitively guides mature girls and women away from the extreme behavior of cheap and easy sex. They know something else is much better for them. [190]

520. Though not as women expect, casual sex energizes men. If she’s that free and easy, then he can pursue the next score, notch the bedpost again, and go after more. [190]

 

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2064. Inspired Over Polish Food — First Course


Last evening I had a delightful Polish dinner with Her Highness Marie, one of my research consultants. She inspires new thoughts about men and women, and two new principles come to light. I post one today and the other later.

In dating and courtship, modern women try to find and capture candidates to consider for marriage. Lacking in self-gratitude, they abandon their female nature. Men win and women lose because the focus shifts to sex.

It’s a huge paradox. The female nature prompts women to wish that men would put sex aside in the process of finding interest in each other. Modern women dress sexually attractive and wonder why they can’t keep sex on the sideline. It doesn’t work to the advantage of women. After abandoning their own nature, they ignore the male nature. It subconsciously implies disrespect. Men subliminally respond with little respect for women although they respect the female nature (now seldom in use). Women don’t appeal to the emotional side of men. Just the sexual which provides fun and games but no emotional interest or link up.

Women want to be liked first. It’s a mistake. To be liked other than for sex, she must first earn a man’s respect. Just as men must respect before they love, the same goes for liking someone beyond a passing moment in life.

She’s attractive two ways, sexually and emotionally. Men are like this. a) He likes her sexual appearance and becomes interested in sex with her. Or b) He respects her emotional appearance and becomes interested in her. It’s under her control. Whichever option she induces him to take, his curiosity and imagination dominate his thoughts. He becomes curious about who she is and fires up his imagination about what she represents to him. Sex or something more promising? Until that happens, she can’t claim victory for what she wants most. In the end women want ‘b’ and ‘a’ works directly against them.

Men respect uniqueness in women. A man wants distinction, not commonness. He seeks to appreciate his own taste in women, drive his competitors to envy, inflate his self-admiration, and add to his significance. When she provides those benefits, he respects her. Out of that start, he learns to like her and can move on to love her.

A woman who looks like just another member of the sisterhood doesn’t appear unique. Example: The commonness of one hair style kills uniqueness for many women. (It’s for another time, but I’m willing to bet that most men given two choices would pick the second. a) Long, below the shoulder, and little-upkeep hair to nestle their face in while in bed. Or, b) neatly coiffed, shorter, and face enhancing hairdo that makes her look attractive out of bed. When’s the last time her hair helped get a man into bed?)

Women fertilize their tree of hope when they find ways to make their emotional attractiveness hide their sexual attractiveness. Glamorous clothes and hair are one option but the Muumuu Effect is another (posts 665 and 666).

The success of women attracting men for other than sex won’t improve until they show greater respect for both the male and female natures and overcome their own lack of self-gratitude. Without the latter they remain too self-centered to be respected very highly by men.

 

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2045. Submission #03 — A Brighter Future Awaits


As shown earlier, logic and reason so favored by men actually turns the dark days of “You shall submit” into a greater day of “If it pleases me I will.” The real world takes on quite a different hue when wives are freer to harmonize their relationships. The numbered situations described below provide a deeper understanding of the problems wives may encounter trying to figure out how to make their submissive nature work to brighten their husband’s submission-expected future.

Remember that this entire series is framed within the primal nature of men and women without considering their personal situation or connections. Women have to figure out their situation from principles they can use.

The situations that follow make women aware of the multitude of challenges that can develop. Each requires her attention. No condition ever stands alone in a relationship. However minutely, each spouse has an interest in what the other thinks and does. For every right decision, there is another person who can and might judge it differently. Mistakes are ubiquitous because someone does something and the other calls it wrong, often without thinking. Therefore, in most of the following situations, recovery is possible for women and not an issue for management by men. Locked narrow-mindedly into the concept of ‘submission’, men philosophically have little or no talent for relationship management. Women, however, have the in-born adaptability to bond multiple home voices and conduct them harmoniously.

And you say, ‘but a good alpha male knows how to provide the leadership that leads to harmony’. And I say, don’t believe it. Alpha-determined leadership does not make harmony with the leader’s spouse involved. It just slows her except when he accedes to her silent, unobtrusive, unchallenging, indirect, but respectful leadership. OTOH, it can stop her breathing harmony into their home.

Women shine when they are fully aware of their situation. It keeps them focused on doing a harmonizing job and works best when their husband has been conditioned to listen.

  1. Major differences exist between these two terms. Submission is energized by competitive intent, the man’s staked-out side of life. “I’m the boss.” Submissiveness is energized by her cooperative spirit. “Us comes before you and me” is part of a woman’s life until she is driven away from it or learned otherwise earlier in life.
  2. Men expect female submission, but the female nature dodges it. Women expect to employ their natural submissive spirit to do what they think is best. When disagreements turn into competition, husband intends to dominate. When wife smoothes competition into cooperation that doesn’t offend his masculine prerogatives, husband goes along to get along. It takes awhile for men to learn it, but if they want their castle to resound with harmony, they must pay more attention to her. Otherwise harmony among multiple personalities will not prevail under the males’ hard-hearted leadership.
  3. Women live by and foster submissiveness, when they like themselves as female, their man as a mate, and their relationship for permanency. It helps capture a man, hold him, and prove that women don’t play the male game of competition but are very willing to play the far more harmonizing female game of cooperation.

Can you use some more wife-promoting situational awareness? Come back tomorrow.

 

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2036. Female Blessings at Birth — 52-54


This is the 18th group of three blessings that accompany women from birth and through the trials and tribulations of life. I’m grateful for your confirmations and the few doubts too; no disagreements thus far down the list.

52. Since a little girl I’ve known that I expect peace and harmony in my life but not how to produce it. Later in childhood my expectations grew into dreams of how to produce it by spreading my love to a mate and children. Adult maturity tells me—but I don’t always listen—that spreading my love requires dedication to specific things and diligence to make them standard or normal. For example, produce peace and harmony without demanding it, exemplify it without criticizing self or others, and blend the contradictions as if everybody is sometimes wrong but never bad. [Guy explains: Although you knew the root of it in early childhood, you didn’t realize the details until you gained relationship experience. IOW, your generating peace and harmony has been a natural endeavor from childhood onward. Think about it ladies. How early, much, and many times have you been confronted with the urge to find peace and harmony in whatever happens in your life? And what did you do but work toward it? Peace and harmony is a paramount female dream with roots in the womb, or so I believe. I italicized the how-to details that you may not yet realize are strong abilities also buried within the female nature and usable to facilitate peace and harmony. Let me know if you disagree those italicized abilities reside in your heart. If you agree, shouldn’t you grateful that you have such a blessing? Such a boodle bag of delicate skills to generate peace and harmony?]

53. I appreciate never having to prolong the agonies that self-forgiveness can relieve. The best gift from God or my will power comes when I forgive myself. [Guy adds: See how easy it is for toddler girls to forgive themselves? But guilt interferes later. Women don’t think they deserve to be forgiven for mistakes, shortcomings, or less-than-commendable attributes. They are so used to imposing, accepting, and living with guilt that they fail to consider reality, common sense, and their unique nature. God forgives everything, to ask penitently makes you deserving. So, how does a woman forgive herself? She confesses to herself penitently and her sincerity makes her deserving. Being in a relationship with herself in front of a mirror, she can’t fake sincerity there. While a bit of guilt may linger, it needn’t be incapacitating in the least if she sincerely forgives herself and believes that recovery is everything.]

54. I am so grateful that I get to choose my man my way. I will know him when I see him or very soon thereafter. [Guy says: In girlhood you dream so much about Mr. Right that every candidate appears fully qualified and you’re ever ready to sweep him off his feet. You set aside heart-felt caution as soon as you declare him Mr. Right. Your mind, however, says ‘heads up, you’re headed for trouble’. Your heart responds with ‘I don’t deserve him’ but I’m going to shoot the works, go all in. Your mind agrees and says ‘I can earn his love’. Oops, your emotional reasoning just hit a major snag; you turned yourself from buyer into seller. You try to make yourself worthy of him rather than the reverse. It may work for a year or so if romantic love captures you both but not permanently. When you act eager to capture him, you don’t earn his respect. Too eager and he learns to disrespect you. So, how do you sweep him off his feet after your eagerness and buyer’s spirit convince him—even before conquest—that you only qualify as possible booty? A stand-in for acceptance, a stand-by for sex means his feet stay anchored to the ground. It also means he quits looking for your qualities that he can admire as virtuous. Internal confusion causes your mistakes. Women misread their heart, which doesn’t tell them to sweep a guy off his feet. In fact, it’s the opposite. Instinctively, her heart says, ‘If he wants me he has to earn me’.]

Thank you for your confirmation, doubt, or disagreement. More blessings from the list will follow in a day or two.

 

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2030. Men Play Hardtoget aka Vague and Unavailable — II


Her Highness Cinnamon asked at post 2029 for more about men playing hardtoget. Not to worry that a woman’s behavior makes men act vague and unavailable. Her likeability doesn’t play as big a part as you might suspect.

But let’s talk about men first. Women come wrapped in two packages, sexually attractive and visually likeable. (That is, she’s uniquely pleasant-to-look-at; she appeals to him uniquely as company; he admires her unique virtues; he finds her uniquely fascinating; she’s pleasantly and uniquely feminine; she uniquely enjoys his presence; she’s uniquely enjoyable to be around, and all without regard for sex appeal). Men value differently and deal separately with those two things. They chase her sexual attractiveness but fall unconsciously into appreciating her visual likeability.

Sexually attractive appeals instantaneously and fades very fast after conquest. It attracts a man but he doesn’t bond and so it doesn’t hold him much beyond conquest. Visually likeable may be enjoyable but it remains relatively minor in his heart and mind before conquest; he’s too interested in other things. Even as a minor focus, however, her visual likeability becomes appealing if and as they associate before conquest.

Consequently, to grasp the reality of it, he’s quite another man after conquest. Before, he views her as sexually appealing, which binds his heart and mind together on one primary mission. After conquest, he views her as visually likeable in pursuit of satisfying himself by associating with her.

His conqueror’s right of ownership of their sexual agenda guarantees frequent and convenient access to sex, romantic love keeps those fires burning, and in the meantime he learns to appreciate the depth of her uniqueness and visual likeability. Provided, of course, that he keeps associating with her.

If she comes up short of visual likeability for his taste, he moves on to the next female target. Because sex does not bond him, conquest releases him from obligations not previously arranged and that he intends to honor. IOW, he dumps her because his high threshold for guilt enables him to conquer and depart relatively unhindered; “she should have known better than to fall for my charm.” Thus, he either continues with her as girlfriend, fiancé, potential mate, or just booty, or else he goes fishing in another lake and does so with little remorse. All’s fair in love and conquest.

——

And now back to V&U.

To Mr. Hardtoget unless she’s sexually unattractive, every unconquered woman is a target. Women don’t have to even be attractive enough to be seen with in public. Mr. V&U purposely misrepresents his interest, which is to score efficiently, that is, with the least investment of time, effort, money, and words. Women should presume they are always a target and go on alert status as soon as they spot hardtoget symptoms used by a man.

Hardtoget is an ancient(?) female attitude and tactic. Men adopt and refine it in order to more easily conquer as many women as come along. Thus, men exploit the female nature against itself.

It’s conceived to work this way. Initiating self-doubt and guilt, a woman concludes from Mr. V&U’s approach that something is wrong with her. She feels offended that a guy could not want her sexually or not want to take advantage of all she has to offer to a friend, companion, partner, mate. His tactic victimizes her attitude and, hopefully for him, she turns herself from being chased to chasing, from buyer to seller, from resistant to eager. She capitulates at being virtually ignored and so she takes the initiative that facilitates his getting her into bed; she may even lead the way or take him by hand depending on what she feels she has to prove to herself.

The easier she allows herself to be conquered, the more likely she won’t be respected in the morning. The more time he invests to conquer, the more respect she earns in his eyes. Investors appreciate only what they earn. Takers don’t appreciate what they are given, and even worse, men don’t appreciate unearned gifts.

So, fair lady Cinnamon, it’s not a woman’s behavior that invites V&U. It’s her appearance. Her mistake is to feel badly about herself for thinking that a guy thinks that she’s not much of a woman, and so she takes the bait and determines to prove it to him. Set, game, match for him.

——

P.S. It may not be clear above, but this principle is embedded. When visual likeability is more prominent than sex appeal, it subdues sexual attractiveness, forces guys to spend more time researching for weaknesses to facilitate bedding her, and thereby discourages the use of V&U tactics. In the extra time guys spend on and with her, they learn that she’s more valuable than just for sex, which gives her greater potential for her visual likeability to grow and generate interest in guys for long-term relationships. She gains greater control of her destiny.

 

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2028. Female Blessings at Birth — 37-39


This is the thirteenth group and I’m grateful for your earlier responses.

I continue taking the list of female blessings for a test drive and your examination.

Please identify each item by its number and indicate true/false, as you see it. True means that a blessing is part of female nature that women inherit at birth. It resonates in your heart as truth, even though you may never have thought of it. Don’t let my explanations alter your vote. How does the item register in your heart?

False means that the item is missing completely from your heart, it’s something you learned during life, or you just don’t think women are born that way.

Where I explain or add, I could be wrong. Feel free to challenge me. I’m not trying to be right, just searching for truth about the qualities that women inherit at birth.

37. I have always sensed that men work and remain focused better when dealing with things in the present while I do better by focusing primarily on the future. [Guy adds: It’s her default condition, and it empowers her to minimize decision-making competition and conflict. Compatibility arises more naturally when she allows him to dominate present day decisions while inoffensively, indirectly, and diplomatically getting his buy-in to her thoughts and aims about their future. Present-day decisions will be repeated sometime when she has greater influence by having prepared for that eventuality. Her investment of buying into his decisions today breeds tomorrow’s return on her investment.]

38. I instinctively know that men seek to marry a good woman and I am good enough for what a man needs. [Guy adds: Women use their own interpretation of ‘good’ and, unfortunately, listen to other women about the details. Perhaps because men don’t think about it much less talk about it. Instead, operating independently men track down, test, follow, and marry an appealing accumulation of admirable female qualities existing in one woman. It’s best summarized that men marry a virtuous woman and what they admire they consider a virtue. The more virtues men find then the more fascinating and promising her prospects. Which brings to mind, what ‘venues’ do men explore for details of her likeability and qualities to admire? Female modesty, feminine mystique, monogamous spirit, friendliness toward masculine endeavors, uniqueness relative to men, uplifting spirit, caring heart, strong mindedness that eases up when dealing against him, determination to defend what’s morally right, willingness to depend on him, spirit to work for compatibility, character strength, encouraging personality. Most of those venues arise naturally out of women who follow their female nature (aka the values, beliefs, convictions, and expectations with which they are born).]

39. I instinctively know that a man seeks my weaknesses to help get me into bed—especially the first time with him. Something inside of me says to put it off, delay it, follow my instincts, steel my will against his charm. The more I succeed, the more I control my destiny. [Guy adds: To the extent she delays but he pursues, he unwittingly discovers her strengths and traits that he can admire. Each admirable quality becomes a virtue and men seek to marry a virtuous woman. The more virtues he uncovers then the more quickly she becomes fascinating, which makes her more desirable for more than sex, which encourages his devotion, which can then morph into the promise he sees in her for supporting his ambitions and missions in life, which sets the hook for his appearance at the altar. (Both marital success and failure have roots going back to their first sexual encounter together, the importance of which can’t be overstated.)]

Example for your response: “39-F ” works okay to reflect your opinion of false to that one item. Also, comments are welcome and desired, especially if you take exception to anything.

Thank you for your opinions.

 

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