Tag Archives: female nature

2175. Dating in Mid-life — Part C8: Her Past, A Simpler View


You can’t shape the dating atmosphere to your advantage without anticipating what is likely to come up. This post is aimed at reinforcing the more practical side of a subject and admittedly aims more at younger than more mature women.

Perhaps the toughest test of your worth to Mr. Good Enough, can and will he accept you without knowing the details of your past sex life? He has four interests: to determine his comparative value as a lover, to prevent his embarrassment as your lover, to determine the likelihood of you cheating, and what really intrigues him: Promiscuous? With his friends? With someone he knows? Mistress? Shack up? Cheap? Easy?

It’s his nature; he’s born that way. Men begrudge anyone who went before them, and the begrudging varies with who are the individuals. Husbands can be forgotten as legitimate earners of your favors (unless you bring it up)—but not the others and some measure of too many or too much reflects harshly against not just you but more importantly him.

CAUTION: The Manosphere loudly broadcasts that women are equally entitled to sexual freedom and their history is of no concern to advocates of Game philosophy. Don’t fall for it, darling. Their philosophic values are founded on the supreme superiority of men over women to the extent that respect for women is non-existent. Their philosophic flavoring floats on Feminism, tends toward homoeroticism, and leans on Islamic values. Overall, it contradicts anyone’s interest in sexual discretion and monogamy.

Here are a dozen pointers to help shape the dating scene to your advantage.

  1. Your known past generates suspicions that override acceptances and assurances. Your unknown past generates fewer suspicions to eat away at the mutual trust you hope to build.  [241]
  2. Men seek and others often advise full disclosure. When men actively pursue more about your past, they can’t ignore and not use the information to shape their thinking. Talked into full disclosure, women expect fairness and equality. The male nature does not originate fairness for sharing sexual assets, and equality is a female concept that men don’t normally consider in human relations. [241]
  3. People argue that trust cannot arise without full disclosure. Hah! Trust arises from convictions drawn from beliefs and speculation about a person. Trust does not arise when specific knowledge prevents such convictions. [241]
  4. Full disclosure comes out uneven, unequal, un-repairable, because the male nature values a woman’s chastity far more than the female nature finds interest in a man’s sexual history.  [241]
  5. The harder a man works to draw details out of your sexual past, the more likely he will use it against you sometime, someway. Perhaps latently, indirectly, or vengefully. It’s available to hold over your head and to rationalize or recover from his own mistakes. [241]
  6. Forgetting your sexual past with lack of knowledge is far easier than forgiving what Mr. GoodEnough learns from full disclosure. The more he knows, the more he thinks. The more he thinks, the more he looks for the bad or unacceptable. The more unacceptable, the less forgetting. The less forgetting, the less forgiving. [241]
  7. Feminine intuition trumps full-disclosure. While not easy, you are blessed with the skills and expertise to withhold who, what, when, where, why, and how of what he doesn’t already know. Withholding information is not dishonesty. Disclosure means candid, accuracy means honest. [302]
  8. His spirit and willingness to give more than he takes may indicate his ability to honor your decision and help qualify him as Mr. GoodEnough. However, if he’s more of a taker, he may not honor your other expectations either. Such as these after marriage: Have kids even though he agreed. Or your desire to stay home and home school, when he wants more income in the home. Or support you in caring for a sick parent. [327]
  9. Your undisclosed sexual past defends your relationship, because his ammo box lacks your historical bullets to fire back in domestic squabbles. [327]
  10. The forward-thinking woman convinces all her female friends to never leak anything about her past to her dating partner, boyfriend, husband, or any other man. But this may fail too, because friends betray friends. They steal dates, boyfriends, lovers, and husbands, don’t they? Consequently, the wisest woman keeps her sexual history as secret as possible even from friends and family. [327]
  11. Former relationships may be known to your man, but no mention should be made or comparative details disclosed. It’s toxic in any relationship for you to disclose the relative sexual worth of one man to another, regardless of who’s the better. [302]
  12. Don’t think you can outsmart him by claiming he’s your greatest lover ever. You opened the door to his inquiry about how and why he’s the greatest, so you’re trapped into telling what you’re best off not to disclose.

The more that Mr. GoodEnough knows, the more likely he will make you pay some price for your past. Couples do squabble. You may never know or understand what’s happening. Yet, he may strike back because of your earlier sexual events. It takes very little for reminders of your past to grow into humiliation for him. Your history affects his sense of significance, whether you know it or not and accept it or not. 

I know this subject has been perhaps overheated and difficult to accept. Too much of a good thing can still be boring. Tomorrow’s subject is also a tender one that needs to be reviewed for mid-life dating. It’s submission, even though we all know that subject doesn’t apply before marriage. Preparation is easier than recovery, which is the not just everything but quite often the only thing.

 

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2169. Chivalry — Recovery is Everything and Overdue


If you read the first post on this subject, #2168, why have we as a culture so readily accepted the intentional murder of chivalry at the hands of feminists? More importantly, how do we recover if the feminists were to let us? Or why should we even try?

I talk much about the character and custom-setting deeds of our forebears and how society’s female-friendly standards shrink. Perhaps chivalry could help right our sinking cultural ship, so I describe the road to recovery.

Chivalry indirectly leads to female happiness in one of life’s cause-and-effect natural phenomena. The process that follows is produced by both sexes following their hearts to live according to the natural condition they inherit at birth. It’s what instinct and intuition lead men and women to do naturally. It contributes greatly to general compatibility that leads respectably to enjoyable mating and indirectly to better fulfillment of girlhood hopes and dreams.

However, the practice has to be taught in childhood. That’s right. Both sexes need to have the benefits of following one’s instincts reinforced. God provides no owner’s manual until old enough to study the Bible. So, parents have to close the gap.

Male Nature:

  • Women are born to earn happiness over time. Men are born to earn satisfaction through daily achievements, and chivalry provides significant opportunity for both sexes.
  • His actions generate his feelings. A male who practices chivalry develops over time a deeply-rooted belief that he should unconditionally respect females, which includes the desire to give unconditionally, which enables him to eagerly find favor with a female, which energizes him to put his convenience momentarily at the disposal of a female, which makes him feel good about himself, which earns self-admiration, which provides satisfaction that he did the right thing. His chivalrous actions program his heart with those feelings (so long as the process isn’t interrupted by female signals that his effort isn’t welcome, in which case his will power and determination have to say ‘don’t quit’).
  • To boy or man brought up to be chivalrous, it becomes a duty. They are automatically responsible for distressed or otherwise discombobulated females. Fulfilling one’s duty is not an event that deserves reward, and men don’t appreciate unearned gifts. Consequently, women don’t know much about rewarding a chivalrous act, even though mere acknowledgement is sufficient when a guy does his duty.
  • It’s a hard and fast belief developed in childhood. Teaching boys that females are weaker and, therefore, to be protected makes males feel stronger, which opens the male heart to helping, which opens the door for chivalry, which defines a new duty, which energizes males to earn female favor, which produces a male at her disposal, which makes females feel superior, which puts her in the role of boss, which confirms she’s not the weaker sex, which guys can accept unless it’s verbalized.

Female Nature:

  • As you’ve read so often on this blog, women are born to be happy but they have to earn it. It comes from each woman’s gratitude for herself compounded by gratefulness for others in her life. Treated chivalrously, she becomes grateful for who she is and what she deserves, which adds to her sense of self-importance and ability to pass her gratitude on to others.
  • Chivalrous actions make a female feel superior. Her heart becomes programmed with respect and gratitude, which makes girls and women more grateful for themselves, which contributes to their happiness. Indirectly, chivalrous men help women find happiness. Also, his actions program her heart with respect and appreciation for males.

However, the foundation of chivalry is a delightful charade based on male eagerness to deceive themselves about females. Men are extremely unwilling to acknowledge any superiority to women; it’s inconsistent with their natural sense of dominance. By focusing solely on physical abilities and calling females the weaker sex, men can ‘prove’ to themselves that any superiority attached to the female gender is inconsequential. Chivalry confirms the weakness of one sex, which strokes the ego of men, and lifts any burden from men to admit otherwise. That’s the female-friendly charade that men develop to win female favor, but also to protect their own sense of significance.

Which begs the question, isn’t Feminism designed to highlight the superiority of women? Sure, but it doesn’t work except with the power of government imposed for legal, political, and economic advancements that become toxic when brought into both social and domestic relationships by well-meaning women with unrealistic expectations.

History proves the sexes can live compatibly. Men can’t and won’t do so when women impose their superiority to get their way. Either women keep their superior nature to themselves and avoid reminding men that it even exists, or men resent, resist, and often retaliate. To admit women are superior is to admit manly insignificance, which by nature is a man’s greatest fear that ranks with her fear of abandonment, which is what he does when she goes too far.

I submit that men or boys who are raised to be chivalrous, are not the same males who are abusing and disrespecting women and children on a regular basis. True chivalry, when ingrained in a boy, serves him throughout life. It provides a sense of satisfaction when he is able to help, please, win their favor, or delight women and children. It also serves as an internalized insurance policy against him becoming an abuser. Men can’t hit women, if taught to be chivalrous in boyhood.

Observe these Italian boys: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b2OcKQ_mbiQ and watch to the end.

You saw with the Italian boys how easily a charade can be turned into more safety for females. One simple admission, females are weaker, which enables males to ignore female superiority as long as it remains inadmissible as evidence for females to get their way. It’s easily and best taught in childhood. That’s next as this series grows from two to three installments.

 

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2130. Male Bonding


Sir Eric’s clear and worthy questions at 2127 inspire this post.

Two conquerors face off. He seeks conquest; she seeks marriage. The female nature is willing to change to conquer. But the male nature resists, resents, and even retaliates against changing to please anyone else and especially a woman. (We observe it in toddlers.)

Bonding arises out of the male nature only when tied to something of significant interest. A prospective conquest is of prime significance. Males thus face an internal conflict. To conquer they have to change to please a woman if she won’t easily part with her favors.

Women love and partially bond before conquest, and sex finalizes the process for them. Bonding is not necessary for conquest but mutual bonding is for marriage. Thus, another conflict. Lifetime obligations don’t emerge unless the man changes sufficiently well that mutual bonding occurs.

A man will change provided he has the proper incentive. His self-interest to conquer makes him willing to pay that price. He will change over time to conquer a resisting woman. He will teach himself to please her in order to please himself and vice versa. It starts as desire to conquer but morphs away from sex to her when her fascination and promise for his future outshine his desire to conquer. His pleasing actions become new habits over time and reprogram his heart into believing she’s worth it.

All done in hope of convincing her into bed sooner rather than later. His conquering motivations provide the glue, his actions clamp two self-interests together in mutual bond. Thus, it appears that he changes to please a woman but he doesn’t. He changes to please himself, to facilitate conquering her. Both are beneficiaries of the process that works in two steps when women hold out for marriage.

1) Frustration being the father of invention, men denied first sex together find words of commitment. Further denials of sex bring out greater effort including his conscience to honor his words and thus deepen his commitment. Such commitment, however, doesn’t hold nearly as much adhesive as does the second part of the bonding process which happens over more time.

2) Devotion emerges out of his continued actions that please him for pleasing her, and those actions program his heart with emotions that bond. (The deeper his devotion becomes, however, the more it shifts her toward the alpha role in marriage, which invites her to do wrong things and thus makes it easier for her to screw up their marriage).

Thus, if change is a trap, he’s self-seduced by desire to conquer. By withholding sex, a woman provides the incentive that drives him to change and become capable of bonding well with her.

When her actions work contrary to his intentions, his frustration for first sex turns into the pursuit of sex only and less interest in her. Consequently, her job is to keep him in pursuit, which calls primarily for no sexual relations. Remove that incentive and a man’s bonding is far less likely to solidify into permanent obligation.

I realize the real world doesn’t work like that today. But, I describe the nature of men and women that closes the gap between her natural inheritance to be compatible with a mate and his natural resistance to mate up permanently with only one.

 

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2093. Compatibility Axioms #511-520


NOTE: A man’s domains are those relationship issues about which he’s the boss, near-boss, thinks he should be, or aspires to be that eminent person. Either as he sees it or concludes from daily negotiations or haggling with his woman. [189]

511. It’s the territorial imperative in coupledom. She shows disrespect when she invades his domains and signals his insignificance when she succeeds.[189]

512. Disrespect shown to a man piles up to kill his love. Insignificance piles up to end his presence. [189]

513. Symptoms of less love and his impending departure can be found in less interest for fulfilling his woman’s hopes and dreams. [189]

514. When women try to lead in masculine domains, much as feminists do, men find bigger or better ways to stay ahead. This leads to put downs, mistreatment, and an ‘I’ll show you’ spirit. Examples: rap music, family abandonment, and abusiveness. [189]

515. Relationship success comes from making daily decisions that build mutually recognized and honored domains for each spouse. An organization cannot long function under two equal CEOs. [189]

516. Men appreciate cheap and easy sex. But, they don’t much value unearned gifts. Such female behavior cheapens a man’s conquering spirit. It denies him opportunity to prove his manly worth by other than sexual performance. [190]

517. A woman’s eagerness for the excitement of sex make her appear too loose for a man to expect her faithfulness.  [190]

518. Being given what a man expects to be a challenge turns him toward other challenges. [190]

519. The female nature intuitively guides mature girls and women away from the extreme behavior of cheap and easy sex. They know something else is much better for them. [190]

520. Though not as women expect, casual sex energizes men. If she’s that free and easy, then he can pursue the next score, notch the bedpost again, and go after more. [190]

 

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2064. Inspired Over Polish Food — First Course


Last evening I had a delightful Polish dinner with Her Highness Marie, one of my research consultants. She inspires new thoughts about men and women, and two new principles come to light. I post one today and the other later.

In dating and courtship, modern women try to find and capture candidates to consider for marriage. Lacking in self-gratitude, they abandon their female nature. Men win and women lose because the focus shifts to sex.

It’s a huge paradox. The female nature prompts women to wish that men would put sex aside in the process of finding interest in each other. Modern women dress sexually attractive and wonder why they can’t keep sex on the sideline. It doesn’t work to the advantage of women. After abandoning their own nature, they ignore the male nature. It subconsciously implies disrespect. Men subliminally respond with little respect for women although they respect the female nature (now seldom in use). Women don’t appeal to the emotional side of men. Just the sexual which provides fun and games but no emotional interest or link up.

Women want to be liked first. It’s a mistake. To be liked other than for sex, she must first earn a man’s respect. Just as men must respect before they love, the same goes for liking someone beyond a passing moment in life.

She’s attractive two ways, sexually and emotionally. Men are like this. a) He likes her sexual appearance and becomes interested in sex with her. Or b) He respects her emotional appearance and becomes interested in her. It’s under her control. Whichever option she induces him to take, his curiosity and imagination dominate his thoughts. He becomes curious about who she is and fires up his imagination about what she represents to him. Sex or something more promising? Until that happens, she can’t claim victory for what she wants most. In the end women want ‘b’ and ‘a’ works directly against them.

Men respect uniqueness in women. A man wants distinction, not commonness. He seeks to appreciate his own taste in women, drive his competitors to envy, inflate his self-admiration, and add to his significance. When she provides those benefits, he respects her. Out of that start, he learns to like her and can move on to love her.

A woman who looks like just another member of the sisterhood doesn’t appear unique. Example: The commonness of one hair style kills uniqueness for many women. (It’s for another time, but I’m willing to bet that most men given two choices would pick the second. a) Long, below the shoulder, and little-upkeep hair to nestle their face in while in bed. Or, b) neatly coiffed, shorter, and face enhancing hairdo that makes her look attractive out of bed. When’s the last time her hair helped get a man into bed?)

Women fertilize their tree of hope when they find ways to make their emotional attractiveness hide their sexual attractiveness. Glamorous clothes and hair are one option but the Muumuu Effect is another (posts 665 and 666).

The success of women attracting men for other than sex won’t improve until they show greater respect for both the male and female natures and overcome their own lack of self-gratitude. Without the latter they remain too self-centered to be respected very highly by men.

 

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2045. Submission #03 — A Brighter Future Awaits


As shown earlier, logic and reason so favored by men actually turns the dark days of “You shall submit” into a greater day of “If it pleases me I will.” The real world takes on quite a different hue when wives are freer to harmonize their relationships. The numbered situations described below provide a deeper understanding of the problems wives may encounter trying to figure out how to make their submissive nature work to brighten their husband’s submission-expected future.

Remember that this entire series is framed within the primal nature of men and women without considering their personal situation or connections. Women have to figure out their situation from principles they can use.

The situations that follow make women aware of the multitude of challenges that can develop. Each requires her attention. No condition ever stands alone in a relationship. However minutely, each spouse has an interest in what the other thinks and does. For every right decision, there is another person who can and might judge it differently. Mistakes are ubiquitous because someone does something and the other calls it wrong, often without thinking. Therefore, in most of the following situations, recovery is possible for women and not an issue for management by men. Locked narrow-mindedly into the concept of ‘submission’, men philosophically have little or no talent for relationship management. Women, however, have the in-born adaptability to bond multiple home voices and conduct them harmoniously.

And you say, ‘but a good alpha male knows how to provide the leadership that leads to harmony’. And I say, don’t believe it. Alpha-determined leadership does not make harmony with the leader’s spouse involved. It just slows her except when he accedes to her silent, unobtrusive, unchallenging, indirect, but respectful leadership. OTOH, it can stop her breathing harmony into their home.

Women shine when they are fully aware of their situation. It keeps them focused on doing a harmonizing job and works best when their husband has been conditioned to listen.

  1. Major differences exist between these two terms. Submission is energized by competitive intent, the man’s staked-out side of life. “I’m the boss.” Submissiveness is energized by her cooperative spirit. “Us comes before you and me” is part of a woman’s life until she is driven away from it or learned otherwise earlier in life.
  2. Men expect female submission, but the female nature dodges it. Women expect to employ their natural submissive spirit to do what they think is best. When disagreements turn into competition, husband intends to dominate. When wife smoothes competition into cooperation that doesn’t offend his masculine prerogatives, husband goes along to get along. It takes awhile for men to learn it, but if they want their castle to resound with harmony, they must pay more attention to her. Otherwise harmony among multiple personalities will not prevail under the males’ hard-hearted leadership.
  3. Women live by and foster submissiveness, when they like themselves as female, their man as a mate, and their relationship for permanency. It helps capture a man, hold him, and prove that women don’t play the male game of competition but are very willing to play the far more harmonizing female game of cooperation.

Can you use some more wife-promoting situational awareness? Come back tomorrow.

 

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2036. Female Blessings at Birth — 52-54


This is the 18th group of three blessings that accompany women from birth and through the trials and tribulations of life. I’m grateful for your confirmations and the few doubts too; no disagreements thus far down the list.

52. Since a little girl I’ve known that I expect peace and harmony in my life but not how to produce it. Later in childhood my expectations grew into dreams of how to produce it by spreading my love to a mate and children. Adult maturity tells me—but I don’t always listen—that spreading my love requires dedication to specific things and diligence to make them standard or normal. For example, produce peace and harmony without demanding it, exemplify it without criticizing self or others, and blend the contradictions as if everybody is sometimes wrong but never bad. [Guy explains: Although you knew the root of it in early childhood, you didn’t realize the details until you gained relationship experience. IOW, your generating peace and harmony has been a natural endeavor from childhood onward. Think about it ladies. How early, much, and many times have you been confronted with the urge to find peace and harmony in whatever happens in your life? And what did you do but work toward it? Peace and harmony is a paramount female dream with roots in the womb, or so I believe. I italicized the how-to details that you may not yet realize are strong abilities also buried within the female nature and usable to facilitate peace and harmony. Let me know if you disagree those italicized abilities reside in your heart. If you agree, shouldn’t you grateful that you have such a blessing? Such a boodle bag of delicate skills to generate peace and harmony?]

53. I appreciate never having to prolong the agonies that self-forgiveness can relieve. The best gift from God or my will power comes when I forgive myself. [Guy adds: See how easy it is for toddler girls to forgive themselves? But guilt interferes later. Women don’t think they deserve to be forgiven for mistakes, shortcomings, or less-than-commendable attributes. They are so used to imposing, accepting, and living with guilt that they fail to consider reality, common sense, and their unique nature. God forgives everything, to ask penitently makes you deserving. So, how does a woman forgive herself? She confesses to herself penitently and her sincerity makes her deserving. Being in a relationship with herself in front of a mirror, she can’t fake sincerity there. While a bit of guilt may linger, it needn’t be incapacitating in the least if she sincerely forgives herself and believes that recovery is everything.]

54. I am so grateful that I get to choose my man my way. I will know him when I see him or very soon thereafter. [Guy says: In girlhood you dream so much about Mr. Right that every candidate appears fully qualified and you’re ever ready to sweep him off his feet. You set aside heart-felt caution as soon as you declare him Mr. Right. Your mind, however, says ‘heads up, you’re headed for trouble’. Your heart responds with ‘I don’t deserve him’ but I’m going to shoot the works, go all in. Your mind agrees and says ‘I can earn his love’. Oops, your emotional reasoning just hit a major snag; you turned yourself from buyer into seller. You try to make yourself worthy of him rather than the reverse. It may work for a year or so if romantic love captures you both but not permanently. When you act eager to capture him, you don’t earn his respect. Too eager and he learns to disrespect you. So, how do you sweep him off his feet after your eagerness and buyer’s spirit convince him—even before conquest—that you only qualify as possible booty? A stand-in for acceptance, a stand-by for sex means his feet stay anchored to the ground. It also means he quits looking for your qualities that he can admire as virtuous. Internal confusion causes your mistakes. Women misread their heart, which doesn’t tell them to sweep a guy off his feet. In fact, it’s the opposite. Instinctively, her heart says, ‘If he wants me he has to earn me’.]

Thank you for your confirmation, doubt, or disagreement. More blessings from the list will follow in a day or two.

 

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