Tag Archives: sex

Blog 2252 — Her Wrinkles are Good


Her Highness Beloved at 2251 probably doesn’t realize she paid me the kindest compliment. She enabled me to think through a troublesome problem, that of wives blaming loss of husbands on female aging. I use facial wrinkles as the most prominent symbol that women use of their aging.

The sexes age very differently. For this article, I reduce it to two major causes and effects. She loses her youthful appearance and tries to restore it. He loses his sexual ability and tries to rejuvenate it. Out of shame, ignorance, and lack of concern of the other’s nature, they don’t try to compensate together but instead do unhelpful things for their marriage.

Sir Eric recently pointed out that men are primarily attracted to youthful looking females with narrow waists that produce an ‘hour-glass’ appearance. True, but those two factors take on a simpler role in marriage. (She’s already conquered and his urge to conquer others is quieted by marital obligation.)

Her youthfulness is a major part of the glue of their togetherness; it reminds him of his youthful capability or what he wishes he still had. She’s great to have around as reminder of what he once was and had for looks and ability. He sees her change, more from mature actions than appearance. Her wrinkles are not central, just a very small part of her morphing image. Nowhere near the importance that she gives them.

Nevertheless, she blames her wrinkles as losing her beauty and believes that he—were he not so considerate—also thinks the same. Consequently, women overreact about wrinkle development. They easily get lost hoping to find a way to ease their personal pain in hope of assuaging husband’s regret which doesn’t exist.

Her hour-glass waist attracts primarily for sex. Her body attracts his. She’s great to have around as reminder of what he once was and had in bed. Body wrinkles don’t interfere much with sex. The really important things to men don’t change that much with age: lips, vagina, clitoris, eyes, ears, hair, breasts, plus cute or appealing mannerisms she displays during sex. Body wrinkles interfere with touch, perhaps, but a man’s body is also changing before his eyes and aging becomes acceptable with adjustments to expectations.

The Wifely Dilemma. That’s the surface but not the whole story. It deserves expansion of thought because women use wrinkles as an alibi for being cheated on or abandoned. IOW, they let wrinkles motivate them to do wrong things for marriage.

  • Female vanity has a natural purpose. By paying close attention to making herself look her best, she learns to live with, deal with, and adjust to accepting the wrinkling that comes with age. The absence of daily attention, facial care, and mirror time turns wrinkles into a much bigger deal than warranted. (The more they are looked at, the less important they become.)
  • Youthful appearance attracts and holds a man’s interest because it helps justify loving her. Tiny waist attracts him sexually and sex with her confirms his continued interest and love. (Unsuccessful sex casts doubt on his decisions about loving her. I know, women don’t let unsuccessful sex stop their loving their man. But men love very differently from women.)
  • Gracious aging reminds a husband how smart he was to team up with her. She continues to be the gal for whom he gave up his independence. (When husband thinks about his or her aging, wrinkles play no part; too many other things are more important to the masculine side of married life.)
  • As couples age, other emotional connections develop and reinforce a marriage around other than youthful appearance. The sexual hopes and dreams of men do not age but their sex drive declines. So, late in marriage, a thin waist is more appealing to a husband than a youthful face, which means that wrinkles don’t damage the marital landscape nearly as much as overeating for many years.
  • The husbandly view of wives fits this model for life. When they met, he found her emotionally attractive, loyal and likeable as a promising fit for his personality and ambitions, and married her on that basis. Her sexual attractiveness held him spellbound until conquest and subsequent sexual relations reinforced her likeability. Simple, two factors. 1) Her loyalty and likeability confirmed his love and brought him into marriage. 2) Their sexual relations confirm his wisdom about 1).
  • As they age, youthfulness and waist size merge to become part of their relationship. 1) Her loyalty and likeability continue to hold him and wrinkles play no part. 2) Sexual relations deteriorate with his aging and he forever looks for ways to restore his vigor with imaginative prods to his libido. Her sexual ability doesn’t age although her interest may, which may discourage her from helping husband restore his sexual thought and vitality in bed.
  • Husbands neither dump wives nor chase trophies because of wrinkles, so wives do better when they rethink their relationship management style and practice and perhaps calm their ego in the process.
  • Men take aging as inevitable and wrinkles for granted. Of course, women can’t stand being taken for granted, and so they imagine all kinds of spousal discrimination as they pass through middle age and into senior-ville. It’s wasted effort; far better for wives to focus on more meaningful shortcomings that may have crept into their marital persona.
  • Women resent their wrinkles as taking away their beauty. Nature works quite contrary to that. It compensates and better than a face lift too. Men see it this way. Face lifts may remove wrinkles but they also remove lines that add character that nature uses to replace youthfulness with dignity and virtuous maturity. Men prefer signs of strong character to faux youthfulness. They can’t respect what appears to be phony and face lifts produce that impression however subliminal it may be.
  • Wives like to believe that men abhor wrinkles. It provides an alibi. Changes in appearance due solely to aging are beyond her responsibility, so she has an excuse for letting both appearance and relationship deteriorate as if caused by aging. She can blame him as finding fault with her aging and ignore the other things that displease husbands.
  • Woman-think does not make men think like women. That her appearance changes solely from aging means little to men. However, husbands begrudge bad habits that produce less desire for sex or that make them appear as suckers or worse to their masculine peer competitors.
  • If men ever claim a lady’s wrinkles to be offensive, something much deeper and drawn out over time is behind it; wrinkles are the facade. The male nature urges men to motivate themselves to move forward with what they have and not get hung up on what they can’t change. Aging is easily acceptable to men, although the male ego sometimes gets in the way of his aging graciously (e.g., outlandish mid-life crisis.)
  • If husband loves wife, her aging fits right in with his. He’s not going to cheat or dump her because of her wrinkles. Husbands dump wives because they lose their likeability and loyalty to their man. Just one example, he stays in excellent shape and health and she lets herself go to hell in a handbasket. It’s not her aging per se. It’s her unwillingness to stay abreast of his lifestyle—in this example—that means much to him and for which the relationship expert must accept responsibility.
  • Men expect and live easily with slow aging and deliberate acceptance. Except, perhaps, when their woman goes overboard spending hard-earned money—unnecessarily to men—for face lift and other appearance changes the pursuit of which changes her role in his life to that of someone he didn’t marry.

The Single Woman’s Dilemma.

  • I disclose a bias. I personally favor tummy tucks as more appealing to husbands and am against face lifts because they are more appealing to wives. To me, the former aids compatibility and the latter weakens it. Money spent on compatibility is more beneficial than that spent on the female ego. But that’s just this man’s opinion.
  • As for single women, I don’t fault face lifts. But women should be advised of this. To remove wrinkles for the sake of being differently attractive for the next guy can be beneficial. If her reason is to like herself better, it won’t be beneficial and she’s wasting money.

Pardon, ladies. I’ve made a bigger thing out of facial wrinkles than I initially intended. But I don’t have the time to shorten it.

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2247. CAUSES and EFFECTS — Group 03


  1. Overweight starts here. Table talk in childhood is unpleasant and poorly exemplified by parents. Their children soon discover that eating itself makes them feel good about themselves and a poor lifetime habit forms for girls.
  2. An unpopular person is unpopular because those with whom they interact don’t like themselves while associating. A popular person enables others to like themselves.
  3. A face lift isn’t the right choice when these are the reasons used to justify it. a) She thinks hubby regrets her wrinkles. Once married, her facial features are hidden by her smiles. Men notice everything else that’s wrong long before wrinkles and they easily accept the normal results of aging when they live amidst it. b) She just has to do something to make herself feel better about herself, i.e., raise her self-esteem. A famous plastic surgeon for thirty years never had one female patient find success raising her self-esteem; they all fell back into their original mindset of disliking themselves. c) She thinks that she or others will think she’s prettier or more beautiful. Actually, face lift makes her appear to be a different person, perhaps even phony-looking, and people have to learn to like her as such. It’s a subliminal process that can easily disfavor her. [Regarding c) Guy advises this. Prettier comes out of the mirror and more beautiful comes out of one man’s mind. Without the former on a daily basis, the latter easily fades from mind and maybe his heart.]
  4. Men flirt naturally. A flirt opens a woman’s heart even if she isn’t interested and ignores or even rebukes the guy. If she smiles, he admires himself for connecting with a pretty woman and his self-worth goes up, which is why he flirts to begin with. Very few things engage a man’s interest more assuredly than a pretty woman’s smile of approval.
  5. Parents, don’t ask your children why did you do that? Judge not their reasons; it presumes them to be inadequate; judge only what they do or did. You can’t fix their attitude, treat them as self-developers. Judge their actions and not their reasons and they pay more attention to you. They sooner recognize and learn that change can benefit them. That’s when parents see a different attitude.
  6. Young women seek to be more like men; some fake extraordinary sexual interest in the body of the opposite sex. They duplicate men’s focus on the body as if it tells them something of importance about men. The female nature isn’t as interested as men in immediate gratification or sexual functioning. Consequently, such women mislead themselves. Their female nature is a far better guide. It pushes them toward what they look for in long-range gratification by studying the actions and face of a man in all situations and how others respond to him. That is, they weigh his character because that determines his destiny up to which women should hitch in order to brighten their own future.
  7. Accepting sex as fun and pleasure matches his nature perfectly, but it goes against hers. She has more important things at heart than pleasure. If she adopts the masculine view of sex as more important than female values, then she learns to act more like men, which loses the respect of eligible guys as her identity becomes embedded in masculine fun, fun, fun. (For instance, how dearly are porn queens sought for marriage?)

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2224. Relationship Strategies: Courtship


The female purpose of courtship is to transition from dating to engagement; she hopes to build permanence. The male purpose is to facilitate conquest, which is a one-time major event that’s soon forgotten. (Remember: I’m talking about the male and female natures and not what you witness in life.)

Either they both can lose and breakup, or they both can win and stay together. However, there’s one exception. Conquest makes him the winner. She only wins then if he deems her a keeper and finishes his life with her.

I propose that women make courtship more meaningful and a better way to screen and prepare a man for longevity with her. Make courtship more official, a minor form of engagement, and open it by formalizing dedication one to the other. Find out in courtship if they can live with the eternal elephant in the room.

The elephant is sexual fidelity. Can they both be faithful? Obviously, it’s easier for her than him, which is why she should take the lead to qualify them both for courtship.

I propose that single women formalize what’s always been informal and often misinterpreted as to what courtship and boyfriend means. We already know this. Women try to find ways to not cheat; men try to find rationale to defend or excuse having cheated.

I propose that you formalize the title ‘boyfriend’. Don’t use it until you’ve taken him through the simple process described below.

He’s your date-friend and horniness shifts from friendly to passionate. You expect his pursuit of conquest to intensify, because you’re not inclined to yield so soon or so easily.

Wait for him to open the subject. When he perceives that conquest is not going to happen with routine dating, he will seek to escalate the relationship to more openness. At the first mention, I suggest that you take the leader role for calling it courtship and him boyfriend.

Make escalating lady’s choice and dependent upon his making a formal statement of intent to be loyal to you. Sit him down and make calling him boyfriend contingent on what comes out of a meeting of the minds.

Tell him if he’s interested in going beyond just dating, into a deeper commitment with you, it will have to be on your condition. He will have to declare with a clear statement of promise to be sexually faithful to you. Not conditional on either your being faithful or yielding sex to him. Not even mutual. Totally a question of whether he likes you well enough to swear off sex with other women and trust that you will be equally faithful.

Not a mutual agreement based on what you have to say, but his statement of promise of his behavior relative to you. You ask for his one-way dedication to you by remaining innocent of sex with another. What say he? Matter of fact, very direct, no mention of love or other emotions. Tell him you see that he has potential as a good boyfriend. That’s all you tell him; not I love you or I’ll be faithful too. Does he respect you enough to trust that you will not do him wrong?

Don’t take ‘I agree’ or similar acceptance as okay. You want to hear him clearly state, ‘Yes, I will be faithful to you for as long as we’re together.’ Or something very close to that. Stated words have a much deeper impact and meaning for motivating his future behavior. The more emotionally stated, the more deeply are his promises embedded into his heart, which makes it easier for him to remain faithful. (Unless, of course, he’s an habitual and convincing liar.)

You expect a simple expression of intention, purposely given without evasion, easily understood, and containing his promise for you. Any hesitation or evasion on his part, then continue dating. He is not qualified yet for courtship.

Other than to understand the agreement, minimize sex talk and keep it out of the discussion as much as possible. More passionate events will be turning out fruitlessly for him in the future and they add pressure to seek relief with another. So, he’s being pushed hard to give it all up for you. The question for him? Are you worth the sexually unsatisfying pressure? If not, it’s better to find it out now rather than later.

Provided he makes his statement, you make yours to the same effect. State your intention as a promise to be faithful to him. If he likes you well enough to promise earlier without hearing the same out of you, he truly likes, respects, and trusts you and is probably more after you than sex. It’s a major achievement for you to get such confirmation.

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2217. Compatibility Axioms #781-790


781. Proving a man’s good character takes time, and virtual virginity works best. Marry a man of good character, and the promise of permanence brightens her future. [269]

782. The TV in the bedroom adds more straying power than staying power for both sexes. Late night shows program the mind for what’s bigger, better, and more appealing outside the home. The body’s relaxed, the shows are enjoyable, the heart and mind more vulnerable. [269]

783. Men get the urge. Women agree to merge. When done too quickly, children hear the dirge. [269]

784. Promiscuity softens a woman’s natural hard-headed determination and hardens her soft-hearted manner. [270]

785. Mothers civilize and tame aggressiveness in boys—or boys live aggressively and more freely for life. Teen girls civilize boys into men—or they don’t get there. Wives domesticate husbands to settle down, or men move their conquering selves around too much for their wife. [270]

786. A woman kisses a frog. Then, she neuters her prince with criticizing words that sour his spirit of royalty. [270]

787. Feminine mystique is whatever a woman does that stimulates curiosity and keeps a man guessing, uncomfortable, defensive, and unsure of her determination and intention about his role in her life. [270]

788. Her hard-headedness tames Mr. GoodEnough in the short range. Her soft-heartedness helps him morph into Mr. Right over the years ahead. [270]

789. Should she expect and can she get everything? Is trying for perfection asking too much, when the subject so easily disrupts his habits?  [271]

790. Doesn’t complaining about his approach to sex take her eye off the prize of keeping him? [271]

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2168. Chivalry — Another Casualty from the Dark Side of Feminism


There’s more coming on mid-life dating, but let’s take a break. Guy Jr. and I collaborated on this subject and two part series for weekend reading.

Women are givers, men are takers. Right? However, bet you never thought of these social processes that leave women craving better men made worse by the death of chivalry.

The spirit of Feminism stirs masculine indignation against feminists; which spreads as non-feminists fall for propaganda and adopt feminist values and expectations; which causes masculine disappointment in womanhood; which stimulates loss of unconditional respect for the female gender; which over time morphs into fury and anger at individual women who show men disrespect; which stirs ambitions for revenge; which intensifies as women blame men for social ills and domestic incompatibility; which convinces men that female uniqueness is valuable only for sex; which kills masculine desire to be more giving; which terminates incentives for gentlemanly behavior and energies for chivalry. Even momentarily, men are unwilling to yield their convenience as symbol of higher regard for women than themselves. Self-centeredness, selfishness, and more taking prevail among men.

Domestic incompatibility soars as women face off against men made uninterested and inadequate for helping to fulfill female hopes and dreams.

History records it this way. The suffragettes planted the seeds, Women’s Liberation fertilized it, and feminists reaped the political fruit trying to emasculate men and thereby destroy patriarchy. Due and well earned in legal, political, and economic arenas, women’s advancements at men’s expense spread toxins into social and domestic arenas, which today makes couples incompatible.

Feminists killed the social construct of ladies as cultural opinion leaders, which pushed men to abandon gentlemanly behavior. Feminists rejected unconditional respect for females to symbolize their demand that men accept the political superiority of the female gender. Needing to appear as dominant leaders, feminists rejected chivalry, belittled gentlemanly courtesies, and shamed the unconditional respect of men for the female gender. (I can open doors myself, I don’t need you.)

Women accepted feminist propaganda and watched as ladyhood died of feminist ridicule. Women abandoned femininity as a featured attraction to capture a man for mating. Men lost interest in female hopes and dreams.

In the name of attacking manhood, womanhood was victimized by radical feminists. Chivalry disappeared along with the death of masculine thoughts that women deserved special attention and treatment just for being the weaker sex. Feminists could not admit to being the weaker sex, even though it’s a misnomer based solely on physical differences. As women proclaimed less need for men and greater strength for femaleness, they got what they wished for. Independence from men except for sex, which also nullified any need for chivalry.

I think it purposeful. Feminism killed the unconditional respect of one’s gender for the other sex that our forebears had developed and had become the greatest protector ever devised for women and children—respect solely because they are women and children (and who gets in the life boat first). Mutual respect for the opposite sex was demeaned and lost trying to benefit women at the expense of men.

Loss of mutual respect at gender level magnifies the loss at individual level. Undesirable relationship outcomes for females depletes the benefits of men in their lives. Witness the death of chivalry, fading away of gentlemanly behavior, and disintegration of harmonious family life—all tied together in a neat radical package.

The fallout today? Boys taught to be chivalrous such as in scouting discover they are emasculated in the eyes of girls and women. After a few unsuccessful efforts to demonstrate gentlemanly or chivalrous behavior, they just quit. Without female encouragement, they turn to easier ways. For example, this ultimate insult for women as quoted from the Manosphere, “there is unanimous agreement that you should never buy dinner for a woman as a date before you have had sex with her. This is probably the most unanimous point of agreement across all Game material from all sources.” Can you think of a bigger opposite of chivalry?

Chivalry triggers unconditional giving of oneself by a man, which minimizes masculine selfishness and neutralizes his role as taker, which symbolizes unconditional respect of women, which recognizes a certain superiority of the female gender, and which puts his convenience momentarily at the disposal of a woman. No wonder women appreciate chivalry and wish they had it again.

 

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2167. Dating in Mid-life — Part C5: More Personal Planning


First, you have advertise. Then you meet. Then you screen. Then you accept his invitation to date. I suggest you plan what you want and how you will get those things by talking to yourself in the mirror. You will also get to know yourself better, which means more confidence and dedication to your mission of dating anew. Your best friend in the mirror will also help convince you that dating is to find a man worthy of you rather than making yourself worthy and available for even the most gorgeous of men. (There ain’t no Mr. Right until you make him so.)

You are precisely in life today where you have chosen to be. Whoever, whatever, and wherever you are produced the results you see in the mirror. The fact that you seek a date means you need an upgrade. Every gal needs it periodically even if not dating. Makeover? New clothes? New hairdo? More neatness? More feminine? More modesty? More mystery? Less selfish? Less weight? More other-centeredness? More lighthearted persona? More smiles? Reinforced sincerity to prevent using phoniness to get immediate gratification? You’ll figure out what you have to have or just want, if you spend enough time with your reflected best friend.

Perhaps you can or should improve all of the above. The more time you spend at the mirror, the more and better you will figure out just what needs to be done to satisfy you (which never happens anyway except temporarily). Why is it important?

Simultaneously, you will be reinforcing your self-image, your picture of self, which governs how you live your life. We all act according to the picture we have of ourselves. When we ‘fall out of line’, do something out of character for example, we either alibi it to ourselves or others, correct it if we can, or apologize if we should. IOW, we take some action when we fail to stay within the limits set by our self-image of who we are, what we do, and how we live life.

But let’s move on. Stay away from cleavage, exotic, and erotic. You can expect those things will get you invited for dates. But, when a date’s mind gets transfixed on sex first, it doubles the difficulty for you to convert his interest back to your person. If you’re not his primary interest, his actions to please you won’t likely develop into devotion, just commitment for temporary sex.

Sometime, and I suggest at the mirror, you need to specify to yourself just where you stand on values, standards, and expectations to control his behavior. If you don’t expect these things, they will not happen. For example, these should be minimal:

  • You expect to be treated respectfully as person, female, and guest of a presumed gentleman.
  • He must respect your modesty religion, moral standards, and whatever you choose to disclose about family, friends, and self.
  • He can’t touch your erogenous zones if uninvited and you don’t expect invitations to be forthcoming until…? (I suggest after his diamond commitment. Nothing sacred about it, but deep arousal should be delayed as long as it takes him to become devoted to you.)
  • Foul language is unwelcome. (It’s an easy distinguisher to separate you from other women, make you unique among your competitors.)
  • Sex is not a discussable topic unless you mention it. If he brings up the subject of sex, you counter with the subject of marriage. Keep the latter going until he stops the former. The objective being to get off sex rather than stay on marriage. (But, incidentally, if he can’t abide you mentioning marriage, it’s a red flag that he can’t think about it.)
  • Finally, have a few ways of making him uncomfortable when he goes too far for your comfort, or objectives, or intentions, or pledges to yourself. Find other softer ways to say, No ring, no booty.

All of the above enable you to take stands that earn respect simply because you claim them as who you are, and you do it with pride, confidence, and disregard for whether others like it or not.

If you really want to seal the deal of venturing into the dating arena with a stronger and more appealing presence, I suggest that conclusions you make at the mirror be transcribed into a journal. Put in writing what you commit to about yourself, standards, and expectations. For example, what red flags are sufficient to call it off for a man?

Now ladies, I recognize that I have been talking like a man. You all know how to water down my rhetoric and make it more relevant to your condition with less directness and more understanding. Essentially, that applies throughout this mid-life dating series. In the process of being indirect except for offenses that you won’t stand for, you’ll know how to do it better and more polished than I describe it.

 

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2165. Dating in Mid-life — Part C3: You Dominate or Lose


Attempts to dominate either a man or your date can both challenge and offend him. Yet, you should dominate relationship development. To do that, you dominate the subject of sex until conquest. After that your dominance goes away and you have to rely on his respect, your likeability, his devotion, and your ability to get your way while being submissive.

Men may disagree, resent, and even storm off in anger for effect or permanently. But, they know you’re entitled to protect your sexual assets. Regardless of their apparent unwillingness to respect your right, they know they have to earn it. Proof? They don’t really expect you to be submissive until they have conquered you.

You should also dominate the subject of your dignity. It’s identified by what you can’t live with, and you need to have your mind fixed strongly on just what those things are. Example: Don’t tolerate his embarrassing you. If you feel a reddening in your face, he’s violated your nature,  gone too far, and needs to know it. Your modesty is your best weapon to stave off masculine misbehavior.

When you dominate sex and dignity successfully, it enables you to develop a better relationship—if one is to develop out of subsequent dates. With this caveat, do it all without seeming to dominate. Perception is reality, so you don’t want him to perceive that you’re dominating the subject. Not telling him how or what to do but just standing your ground, protecting your interest, and guarding your unique assets with a strong will. You may offend him by defending yourself, but you will also earn his respect. If offense exceeds respect, he’s not the guy for you anyway. If respect exceeds offense, he’ll be more careful next time. He’s learning to not displease or disrespect you.

If you commit to following your nature, you will instinctively do the following and intuitively respond to his words and actions with behaviors that promote a promising relationship.

  • Identify and commit yourself to your unbendable values, standards, and expectations. Seal them in concrete in your heart and pledge your intentions to yourself to not violate them or let anyone talk you into acting contrary to them.
  • The first time it happens, inform him that if he displeases or disrespects you, you will let him know with an almost insignificant signal. Subsequently, don’t try to correct him directly. Just show the same signal each time he displeases or disrespects you or challenges, offends, or attempts to bribe you out of your panties or the solid values, standards, and expectations sealed in your heart. (As a signal for example, I suggest just showing him your pinkie finger (see #2150) but you may find something less unique and more pleasing to you. Rub your nose, pat the top of your head, or whatever as long as he gets a silent message that you’re displeased but can get over it if the subject is changed right away.)
  • Recent articles [2153 and 2154] put forward the condition that female dominance causes masculine discomfort. Actually, most of the time it works in reverse; causing masculine discomfort generates female dominance. It enables women to dominate with the right discomforting signal.
  • The knife edge of successful dating is this. He is so cocky and confident that he expects to have no trouble bringing up the subject of sex. He’s comfortable with the talking or the doing. You aren’t, shouldn’t be, or at least your nature is not comfortable. Your objective should be to make him uncomfortable about sex until you introduce it as acceptable. He’s uncomfortable about marriage. So, when he brings up sex, you respond by bringing up marriage. Oh, not proposing it; just mention it as discussable until he drops sex. Tie the two together tightly until such time as you deem the relationship well developed and ready for you to yield initiative to him on the subject.

So, if he can’t find comfort with you and still live with some discomfort about sex and marriage, it’s a red flag that he probably is not truly after you but just sex with you. And that’s a major part of breathing success into relationship development.

 

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