- Men are notorious for proclaiming their love to facilitate conquest. Women are burdened to discriminate between a man’s words and actions, because he wants to keep his intentions to himself. She’s the last to know of his thinking about their future together—whether she’s a keeper, booty, or disposable—and she discovers it only if she yields. Neither complimentary nor in her interest to find out so late, it’s the male nature in action.
- Before conquest, a man’s conscience can’t be counted on to protect a woman’s interest. Only his actions reveal his true interest in protecting hers.
- Men are hunter conquerors, unconquered women their prey. Two conquerors face off. He for sex without obligation; it’s instinctive from birth. She for obligation without yielding sexually; it’s intuitive from how she’s raised. The first to conquer wins dominion over their future life together. If he marries without conquest, his respect for her is so high that he has no trouble allowing her dominion over home life and relationship. He can be satisfied living with her.
- A man pursues an unconquered woman in whom he invests much of his time, effort, and money but fails to bed her. She just won’t yield except on her terms. Men don’t often abandon good investments. She treats him as her leader and he expects his woman to love him. Her displays of love confirm his role as leader but she still competes to delay conquest. He looks for weaknesses that will produce conquest, but he keeps uncovering qualities that he can admire, her virtues. His present life grows more promising by her virtues. If she continues to refuse to yield, he figures it will take more effort, and so he tries harder. He aims more deliberately at capturing her for himself, and he continues to fail at conquest. Eventually he gives up chasing sex with her and determines that she’s more valuable to him than sex with her. It takes a while, but he proposes after he becomes convinced that he can be more satisfied with himself living with her rather than how he currently lives.
- She will lose her man with fault-finding and blame. Couples don’t breakup from the big emotional connections, such as weakening of love, respect, and suitability. They break up from lack of continuing mutual likeability and his satisfaction with himself. Adjustments are usually easier than separation. Couples break up primarily because of the accumulation of little irritants, annoyances, criticisms, expressions of anger, complaints stirred by frustration, emotional outbursts, blame, lack of forgetfulness about misbehavior, physical attractiveness made slovenly by insufficient personal care, and other negatives. All of which accumulates in the male mind as contrary to her words of love, on which she relies to uplift their relationship. IOW, her frequent negative actions outweigh her wordy alibis and loving affection, attention, and appreciation, which comes occasionally among the daily tirade of negative conclusions about her man.
Tag Archives: sex
I aim at the gender level, ladies, so don’t take it personal except the sentence surrounded by asterisks.
The male and female natures inherited at birth have been socialized and domesticated into habits that work contrary to how we are born. Default conditions are ignored because of pressures designed by political activists. I don’t alibi for either sex but blame Feminism to explain how and why compatibility has sunk into the swamp of ill-feeling toward the opposite sex.
Feminists taught women to blame men for female problems. Doing so put women in the role of acting contrary to their nature, contrary to where their heart leads them. *As the direct response, single women soften their natural hard-headedness and married women harden their soft-heartedness.*
Men aren’t as much offended as they are disappointed in females. Men think: I want to cooperate but with all the crap you pull, why should I?
As women go so goes society and we all do what makes us feel good about ourselves; women do it with little regard for how it registers with men. The combination causes men to harden up their hard-headedness and refuse to soften up their natural hard-heartedness. Men are disappointed because they are discouraged from being heroes to the opposite sex, which gives every indication of being in distress but undeserving of masculine help.
Feminism changed all women; it’s now a universal spirit. Women can’t resist being convinced that they deserve better than whatever men produce and provide. They measure men by how men treat them instead of how men measure themselves by what they accomplish. That difference rocks compatibility.
Adopting feminist thought, women don’t or can’t abandon their natural motivational baseline, which bastardizes their motivational drive and produces results that further confuse the female mind, and which earns disrespect in the male mind.
She tries to bond with sex but men don’t. She abandons modesty to be liked and men don’t respect her. She forgoes mystery that fires up the male imagination and favors full disclosure that kills male curiosity. She expects boyfriend to be loyal to her but she doesn’t first earn his respect. She expects husband to be faithful but tries to change him. She builds his castle on fashion and her reputation with women and disregards his desire for a functional recovery and resting place. She weakens his comfort and daily recovery by insisting to keep a perfect appearance within the home. She tortures him with petty requests to do what she can easily do herself. She commands his presence without respecting his other obligations. She doesn’t respect his family but she wants them to do what she expects. She ranks her children over her man and expects him to peacefully play second fiddle to her music score. She ignores her heart by letting others convince her its undependable to protect and promote her interests. She wants to make sure he knows that her needs and wants are more important than his.
By trying to either be more like men or get them to act more like females, women confuse themselves. They are unable to produce the outcomes they long for. Men wish it were otherwise, but modern women are propagandized to listen to women instead of men. It’s more a gender than individual happening; by blaming men, women escape guilt for causing relationship failures. Much as the radical feminists anticipated it five decades ago.
On the other side of the ledger, the male nature stubbornly rejects feminist theory. Men stick to mostly following their nature, which of course is never all that admirable to women. Men learn in life that particular behaviors annoy the heck out of women and—when inclined to please their woman—they avoid the annoyances. However, when blamed, they easily convince themselves that ‘I don’t appreciate what she does, why please her?’, which pushes them back toward their self-centered, hard-headed, and hard-hearted nature.
So, what else is new? He takes me for granted. He never shows enough affection. His job comes before me. He won’t help with housework. He won’t help enough with the kids. He won’t clean or pick up after himself. He’s a slob around the house. He spends our money on his toys. He’s so selfish he doesn’t know the meaning of ‘us’. He wants sex whether I’m ready or not. He never wants to take my family into consideration. He loves our daughter but expects too much from our son. He thinks I should be able to handle a full-time job and housework with no help and no problems. He talks a good game but doesn’t produce when the chips are down.
Those are symptoms of men who don’t care if they annoy their woman or they purposely do it out of some real or imagined spite. Men aren’t that opposed to cooperation unless they want to save face.
Blaming a man shows disrespect and men tire easily of it. They expect to be respected and appreciated and to measure it by her displays of obvious gratitude, which also endorses his likeability to her and her willingness to be loyal to him.
Thus, the pointy finger of blame continues to mock compatibility and flood the already full swamp of ill-feeling toward the opposite sex.
Whether you believe God designed or Nature causes it, the sexes are born with all the abilities to be compatible and woman is both relationship expert and initiator. Here’s an example of how and why she works as initiator.
- Women are born fully capable of trusting without reason, which signifies the benefit of their trust to be worth more than the risk. Women benefit much more from men who know they are trusted. Men respect women more easily and respect is essential for a man’s love to develop. The risk is that some men are not trustworthy.
- If a woman blames men generally, a man trusts neither her trust nor respect of him. He’s too vulnerable to being declared wrong for no more reason than being a man.
- If her trust isn’t unconditional for his gender, a man won’t trust her as sincere and therefore respect her. Consequently, the best root for capturing a man’s love is unconditional respect for the male sex.
- God or Nature intends that all men should be trusted except as lessons learned show each woman that some individuals should not. Men are good and necessary except those found to be untrustworthy. Each man can accept that as truth and read it as a woman’s sincerity and her being worthy of his respect.
- Women can’t trust one man but not his gender and expect that his trying to love her will cause him to believe in her trust and, therefore, respect of him. It’s a subconscious suspicion that arises in a man because of self-doubt that exists in those who sincerely love a woman: Do I really deserve her?
- Men are born neither to trust nor respect someone until they earn it. Not necessarily earn it directly. a) Men respect men depending on accomplishments that men admire; that is, what men do holds the potential for masculine respect. b) Men respect women differently. They admire women for their feminine qualities more than female accomplishments. Qualities admired are virtues that earn masculine respect, which serves as foundation for a man’s love of a particular woman. (Men seek to marry a virtuous woman, preferably one more fascinating than other women.)
Men are born not to trust/respect unless others earn it. Women are born to trust and thus earn masculine respect. Thus, a woman’s trust is the first step to gaining the love of a man. Second step, her trust transmutes into his respect, which serves as the foundation for his deciding that she’s both likeable enough for him and he’s willing to be loyal to her, which is the start up of his love.
Her Highness Beloved at 2251 probably doesn’t realize she paid me the kindest compliment. She enabled me to think through a troublesome problem, that of wives blaming loss of husbands on female aging. I use facial wrinkles as the most prominent symbol that women use of their aging.
The sexes age very differently. For this article, I reduce it to two major causes and effects. She loses her youthful appearance and tries to restore it. He loses his sexual ability and tries to rejuvenate it. Out of shame, ignorance, and lack of concern of the other’s nature, they don’t try to compensate together but instead do unhelpful things for their marriage.
Sir Eric recently pointed out that men are primarily attracted to youthful looking females with narrow waists that produce an ‘hour-glass’ appearance. True, but those two factors take on a simpler role in marriage. (She’s already conquered and his urge to conquer others is quieted by marital obligation.)
Her youthfulness is a major part of the glue of their togetherness; it reminds him of his youthful capability or what he wishes he still had. She’s great to have around as reminder of what he once was and had for looks and ability. He sees her change, more from mature actions than appearance. Her wrinkles are not central, just a very small part of her morphing image. Nowhere near the importance that she gives them.
Nevertheless, she blames her wrinkles as losing her beauty and believes that he—were he not so considerate—also thinks the same. Consequently, women overreact about wrinkle development. They easily get lost hoping to find a way to ease their personal pain in hope of assuaging husband’s regret which doesn’t exist.
Her hour-glass waist attracts primarily for sex. Her body attracts his. She’s great to have around as reminder of what he once was and had in bed. Body wrinkles don’t interfere much with sex. The really important things to men don’t change that much with age: lips, vagina, clitoris, eyes, ears, hair, breasts, plus cute or appealing mannerisms she displays during sex. Body wrinkles interfere with touch, perhaps, but a man’s body is also changing before his eyes and aging becomes acceptable with adjustments to expectations.
The Wifely Dilemma. That’s the surface but not the whole story. It deserves expansion of thought because women use wrinkles as an alibi for being cheated on or abandoned. IOW, they let wrinkles motivate them to do wrong things for marriage.
- Female vanity has a natural purpose. By paying close attention to making herself look her best, she learns to live with, deal with, and adjust to accepting the wrinkling that comes with age. The absence of daily attention, facial care, and mirror time turns wrinkles into a much bigger deal than warranted. (The more they are looked at, the less important they become.)
- Youthful appearance attracts and holds a man’s interest because it helps justify loving her. Tiny waist attracts him sexually and sex with her confirms his continued interest and love. (Unsuccessful sex casts doubt on his decisions about loving her. I know, women don’t let unsuccessful sex stop their loving their man. But men love very differently from women.)
- Gracious aging reminds a husband how smart he was to team up with her. She continues to be the gal for whom he gave up his independence. (When husband thinks about his or her aging, wrinkles play no part; too many other things are more important to the masculine side of married life.)
- As couples age, other emotional connections develop and reinforce a marriage around other than youthful appearance. The sexual hopes and dreams of men do not age but their sex drive declines. So, late in marriage, a thin waist is more appealing to a husband than a youthful face, which means that wrinkles don’t damage the marital landscape nearly as much as overeating for many years.
- The husbandly view of wives fits this model for life. When they met, he found her emotionally attractive, loyal and likeable as a promising fit for his personality and ambitions, and married her on that basis. Her sexual attractiveness held him spellbound until conquest and subsequent sexual relations reinforced her likeability. Simple, two factors. 1) Her loyalty and likeability confirmed his love and brought him into marriage. 2) Their sexual relations confirm his wisdom about 1).
- As they age, youthfulness and waist size merge to become part of their relationship. 1) Her loyalty and likeability continue to hold him and wrinkles play no part. 2) Sexual relations deteriorate with his aging and he forever looks for ways to restore his vigor with imaginative prods to his libido. Her sexual ability doesn’t age although her interest may, which may discourage her from helping husband restore his sexual thought and vitality in bed.
- Husbands neither dump wives nor chase trophies because of wrinkles, so wives do better when they rethink their relationship management style and practice and perhaps calm their ego in the process.
- Men take aging as inevitable and wrinkles for granted. Of course, women can’t stand being taken for granted, and so they imagine all kinds of spousal discrimination as they pass through middle age and into senior-ville. It’s wasted effort; far better for wives to focus on more meaningful shortcomings that may have crept into their marital persona.
- Women resent their wrinkles as taking away their beauty. Nature works quite contrary to that. It compensates and better than a face lift too. Men see it this way. Face lifts may remove wrinkles but they also remove lines that add character that nature uses to replace youthfulness with dignity and virtuous maturity. Men prefer signs of strong character to faux youthfulness. They can’t respect what appears to be phony and face lifts produce that impression however subliminal it may be.
- Wives like to believe that men abhor wrinkles. It provides an alibi. Changes in appearance due solely to aging are beyond her responsibility, so she has an excuse for letting both appearance and relationship deteriorate as if caused by aging. She can blame him as finding fault with her aging and ignore the other things that displease husbands.
- Woman-think does not make men think like women. That her appearance changes solely from aging means little to men. However, husbands begrudge bad habits that produce less desire for sex or that make them appear as suckers or worse to their masculine peer competitors.
- If men ever claim a lady’s wrinkles to be offensive, something much deeper and drawn out over time is behind it; wrinkles are the facade. The male nature urges men to motivate themselves to move forward with what they have and not get hung up on what they can’t change. Aging is easily acceptable to men, although the male ego sometimes gets in the way of his aging graciously (e.g., outlandish mid-life crisis.)
- If husband loves wife, her aging fits right in with his. He’s not going to cheat or dump her because of her wrinkles. Husbands dump wives because they lose their likeability and loyalty to their man. Just one example, he stays in excellent shape and health and she lets herself go to hell in a handbasket. It’s not her aging per se. It’s her unwillingness to stay abreast of his lifestyle—in this example—that means much to him and for which the relationship expert must accept responsibility.
- Men expect and live easily with slow aging and deliberate acceptance. Except, perhaps, when their woman goes overboard spending hard-earned money—unnecessarily to men—for face lift and other appearance changes the pursuit of which changes her role in his life to that of someone he didn’t marry.
The Single Woman’s Dilemma.
- I disclose a bias. I personally favor tummy tucks as more appealing to husbands and am against face lifts because they are more appealing to wives. To me, the former aids compatibility and the latter weakens it. Money spent on compatibility is more beneficial than that spent on the female ego. But that’s just this man’s opinion.
- As for single women, I don’t fault face lifts. But women should be advised of this. To remove wrinkles for the sake of being differently attractive for the next guy can be beneficial. If her reason is to like herself better, it won’t be beneficial and she’s wasting money.
Pardon, ladies. I’ve made a bigger thing out of facial wrinkles than I initially intended. But I don’t have the time to shorten it.
- Overweight starts here. Table talk in childhood is unpleasant and poorly exemplified by parents. Their children soon discover that eating itself makes them feel good about themselves and a poor lifetime habit forms for girls.
- An unpopular person is unpopular because those with whom they interact don’t like themselves while associating. A popular person enables others to like themselves.
- A face lift isn’t the right choice when these are the reasons used to justify it. a) She thinks hubby regrets her wrinkles. Once married, her facial features are hidden by her smiles. Men notice everything else that’s wrong long before wrinkles and they easily accept the normal results of aging when they live amidst it. b) She just has to do something to make herself feel better about herself, i.e., raise her self-esteem. A famous plastic surgeon for thirty years never had one female patient find success raising her self-esteem; they all fell back into their original mindset of disliking themselves. c) She thinks that she or others will think she’s prettier or more beautiful. Actually, face lift makes her appear to be a different person, perhaps even phony-looking, and people have to learn to like her as such. It’s a subliminal process that can easily disfavor her. [Regarding c) Guy advises this. Prettier comes out of the mirror and more beautiful comes out of one man’s mind. Without the former on a daily basis, the latter easily fades from mind and maybe his heart.]
- Men flirt naturally. A flirt opens a woman’s heart even if she isn’t interested and ignores or even rebukes the guy. If she smiles, he admires himself for connecting with a pretty woman and his self-worth goes up, which is why he flirts to begin with. Very few things engage a man’s interest more assuredly than a pretty woman’s smile of approval.
- Parents, don’t ask your children why did you do that? Judge not their reasons; it presumes them to be inadequate; judge only what they do or did. You can’t fix their attitude, treat them as self-developers. Judge their actions and not their reasons and they pay more attention to you. They sooner recognize and learn that change can benefit them. That’s when parents see a different attitude.
- Young women seek to be more like men; some fake extraordinary sexual interest in the body of the opposite sex. They duplicate men’s focus on the body as if it tells them something of importance about men. The female nature isn’t as interested as men in immediate gratification or sexual functioning. Consequently, such women mislead themselves. Their female nature is a far better guide. It pushes them toward what they look for in long-range gratification by studying the actions and face of a man in all situations and how others respond to him. That is, they weigh his character because that determines his destiny up to which women should hitch in order to brighten their own future.
- Accepting sex as fun and pleasure matches his nature perfectly, but it goes against hers. She has more important things at heart than pleasure. If she adopts the masculine view of sex as more important than female values, then she learns to act more like men, which loses the respect of eligible guys as her identity becomes embedded in masculine fun, fun, fun. (For instance, how dearly are porn queens sought for marriage?)
The female purpose of courtship is to transition from dating to engagement; she hopes to build permanence. The male purpose is to facilitate conquest, which is a one-time major event that’s soon forgotten. (Remember: I’m talking about the male and female natures and not what you witness in life.)
Either they both can lose and breakup, or they both can win and stay together. However, there’s one exception. Conquest makes him the winner. She only wins then if he deems her a keeper and finishes his life with her.
I propose that women make courtship more meaningful and a better way to screen and prepare a man for longevity with her. Make courtship more official, a minor form of engagement, and open it by formalizing dedication one to the other. Find out in courtship if they can live with the eternal elephant in the room.
The elephant is sexual fidelity. Can they both be faithful? Obviously, it’s easier for her than him, which is why she should take the lead to qualify them both for courtship.
I propose that single women formalize what’s always been informal and often misinterpreted as to what courtship and boyfriend means. We already know this. Women try to find ways to not cheat; men try to find rationale to defend or excuse having cheated.
I propose that you formalize the title ‘boyfriend’. Don’t use it until you’ve taken him through the simple process described below.
He’s your date-friend and horniness shifts from friendly to passionate. You expect his pursuit of conquest to intensify, because you’re not inclined to yield so soon or so easily.
Wait for him to open the subject. When he perceives that conquest is not going to happen with routine dating, he will seek to escalate the relationship to more openness. At the first mention, I suggest that you take the leader role for calling it courtship and him boyfriend.
Make escalating lady’s choice and dependent upon his making a formal statement of intent to be loyal to you. Sit him down and make calling him boyfriend contingent on what comes out of a meeting of the minds.
Tell him if he’s interested in going beyond just dating, into a deeper commitment with you, it will have to be on your condition. He will have to declare with a clear statement of promise to be sexually faithful to you. Not conditional on either your being faithful or yielding sex to him. Not even mutual. Totally a question of whether he likes you well enough to swear off sex with other women and trust that you will be equally faithful.
Not a mutual agreement based on what you have to say, but his statement of promise of his behavior relative to you. You ask for his one-way dedication to you by remaining innocent of sex with another. What say he? Matter of fact, very direct, no mention of love or other emotions. Tell him you see that he has potential as a good boyfriend. That’s all you tell him; not I love you or I’ll be faithful too. Does he respect you enough to trust that you will not do him wrong?
Don’t take ‘I agree’ or similar acceptance as okay. You want to hear him clearly state, ‘Yes, I will be faithful to you for as long as we’re together.’ Or something very close to that. Stated words have a much deeper impact and meaning for motivating his future behavior. The more emotionally stated, the more deeply are his promises embedded into his heart, which makes it easier for him to remain faithful. (Unless, of course, he’s an habitual and convincing liar.)
You expect a simple expression of intention, purposely given without evasion, easily understood, and containing his promise for you. Any hesitation or evasion on his part, then continue dating. He is not qualified yet for courtship.
Other than to understand the agreement, minimize sex talk and keep it out of the discussion as much as possible. More passionate events will be turning out fruitlessly for him in the future and they add pressure to seek relief with another. So, he’s being pushed hard to give it all up for you. The question for him? Are you worth the sexually unsatisfying pressure? If not, it’s better to find it out now rather than later.
Provided he makes his statement, you make yours to the same effect. State your intention as a promise to be faithful to him. If he likes you well enough to promise earlier without hearing the same out of you, he truly likes, respects, and trusts you and is probably more after you than sex. It’s a major achievement for you to get such confirmation.
781. Proving a man’s good character takes time, and virtual virginity works best. Marry a man of good character, and the promise of permanence brightens her future. 
782. The TV in the bedroom adds more straying power than staying power for both sexes. Late night shows program the mind for what’s bigger, better, and more appealing outside the home. The body’s relaxed, the shows are enjoyable, the heart and mind more vulnerable. 
783. Men get the urge. Women agree to merge. When done too quickly, children hear the dirge. 
784. Promiscuity softens a woman’s natural hard-headed determination and hardens her soft-hearted manner. 
785. Mothers civilize and tame aggressiveness in boys—or boys live aggressively and more freely for life. Teen girls civilize boys into men—or they don’t get there. Wives domesticate husbands to settle down, or men move their conquering selves around too much for their wife. 
786. A woman kisses a frog. Then, she neuters her prince with criticizing words that sour his spirit of royalty. 
787. Feminine mystique is whatever a woman does that stimulates curiosity and keeps a man guessing, uncomfortable, defensive, and unsure of her determination and intention about his role in her life. 
788. Her hard-headedness tames Mr. GoodEnough in the short range. Her soft-heartedness helps him morph into Mr. Right over the years ahead. 
789. Should she expect and can she get everything? Is trying for perfection asking too much, when the subject so easily disrupts his habits? 
790. Doesn’t complaining about his approach to sex take her eye off the prize of keeping him?