Tag Archives: husband

2160. Dating in Mid-life — Part B4: Risk Takers Win


 Older men respond much as they did when younger and sometimes easier than expected. After all, their present and future life appears much different than decades earlier. I know of these stories from my personal life, but the times are not as precise as depicted.

  • Widow for 25 years meets widower of several years. They date for more than a year that includes several long distance trips. Travel always includes two bedrooms. She rejects marriage because his isn’t saved, and she rejects sex because they aren’t married. Unexpectedly, my Grace leads him to the Lord and they marry soon after.
  • Mature never-married woman has one grown child long out of the nest. She meets older man fixing her PC. They date but she refuses sex until they marry. His interest continues. He becomes eager to marry after a year or two dating and traveling and using separate bedrooms. He also changes his religious affiliation to match hers. (I don’t know if denomination change was a requirement of hers but I strongly suspect it was as she had years earlier left his church.)
  • Twentysomething single mother with baby son is shacked-up with adultolescent and irresponsible father. Fed up, she kicks him out. Lets him visit son regularly and refuses all overtures to make up or remain overnight. No sex, period. After more than a year of living apart, he proposes with the confession he cannot live without her. They marry and now live happily in second or third decade of marriage. Husband grew into an emboldened and mature sense of domestic responsibility and initiative. Successfully started his own business, and they raised their son to become Eagle Scout. Mostly by himself, he built their home in the country after clearing the woods and ground. Rough-hewn life by husband for his family, but her love smoothed it all out around the edges.

Risk takers succeed everywhere. It’s all in the know-how that flows quite naturally out of the well-prepared hearts of females.

Next: Factors that cause men to pursue conquest and marriage tomorrow at #2161.

 

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2156. Dating in Mid-life — Part A1: Put Children Aside for Now


Being too conscientious as single mother is your greatest obstacle to successful dating in mid-life. Your biggest badge of honor is complete dedication and sacrifice to your children, and you moms with one child have it in spades. If you can’t ease up on that single-minded, self-induced, and no longer essential pressure in your life, you’ll never be able to add and successfully merge a new man into your family. If you don’t deserve your own life relative to your children, how can you ever be worthy of a man or deserve your own life with a new husband?

The prospect of family conflict is daunting. No question of that. But resolution is simple. You have to decide. Not who’s the most important in your life, husband or children? But how do you merge their interests into an integral family and harmonized home? If you think you can, you can. If you think you can’t, you’re right.

You know your children and how to handle them. You’ve spent years learning just what they need, want, and can take without breaking. If you can’t convince them that you deserve the attention and affection that they’ve gotten from you for so many years, or if your guilt won’t let you ease up the pressures you put on yourself, then you have no business even considering entering the dating arena.

Sorry, but I was trained in mid-life to be up front, blunt, and candid when high pressure subjects come up. My hard-nose attitude reflected above is based on one irrevocable principle that floats unshakably in the male mind. Husbands will not play second fiddle to children, even their own and much less someone else’s. And they won’t play second fiddle to their wives except for those husbands full of devotion for their own.

It doesn’t mean that women with kids can’t have a new husband. It means that she must use her greatest relationship expertise every day to keep both kids and new date/boyfriend/fiancé/husband convinced that they rank as first priority in her heart. Mothers do it carefully and endlessly with kids. Why not throw someone else in the mix if she can be rewarded by someone other than herself?

I’ve always admired Her Majesty Grace’s success with our three boys. When alone with each, she referred to them as her oldest and most precious, her middlest and most precious, and her youngest and most precious. It worked beautifully for her. They were in mid-life before they learned they were loved more equally than they thought. It added to their regard for each other, because each saw how their mom more highly regarded his brothers.

Hold off the family uproar until you discover if you really want to date. If you really want to face what I shall describe in this series. Not discouragements but encouragements, although you may not see things exactly as I do.

I can’t do it now, but I shall put together an article on how to help handle children better. In the meantime, I think you should forget the impact of your entering the dating arena will have on them. Do what you think is best for yourself while considering how you want to possibly change your life. They will not be forever in the nest, and everything else shall pass as you think and perhaps manage your way into a new way of life.

I admire your courage if you enter the dating scene. I admire your character if you do it in spite of what your children wish. I admire your readership if you argue back with me. I admire your spunk if you learn to make men uncomfortable and thus earn their respect.

As for masculine discomfort, up front, blunt, and candid can pay off with manly respect. For example, I love this motto when you’re approached uninvited and unwanted: No ring, no booty. Still interested?

For tomorrow: 2157—You Gotta’ Know the Territory

 

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2106. Hard-hearted Hannah — II


Women aren’t born hard-hearted. The modern females’ hard-heartedness weakens their judgment and stifles their influence with men and their man in particular.

Hard-hearted Hannah competes with her man, but he expects her to cooperate. She criticizes him, expecting him to be a perfect mate. She disrespects him, when respect is his psychic income for devoting his efforts to her. She finds fault, when he tries hard but fails to meet her expectations. She nags to remind him of her expectations that he should change. She drifts away from her feminine nature and acts more like men.

HHH makes herself feel good at his expense in front of others. She harbors and displays feminist feelings that do not interest him, mostly because Feminism seeks to exclude him from the role he naturally assumes dealing with females. She expects more from him than she is willing to provide as trade off. She expects him to change under her well-intentioned but poorly programmed nurturing, but she refuses to change herself for him.

She knows little about the nature of males and females, and less about how to make them complementary and compatible – even if she wished to. She gets in his face for which he will ensure she pays a price. She kisses her frog and then neuters her prince. She is ungrateful for her man and blames him for her unhappiness. She is dissatisfied with what satisfies him, when a man’s satisfaction is both what he strives for and his internal reward for doing something well.

She turns phony and hides her true character in order to get a man to marry her, and then she becomes another woman after their altar trip.

She wants to build her castle, not his. She rejects the idea of maintaining a home for him to enjoy daily relaxation, rest, and restoration. She refuses to honor his most primal need for a place to flop, eat, throw his things, and prepare for tomorrows’ dragons. If she won’t provide what he needs, he will provide his own or test drive other women, until he finds what pleases him. He has no greater physical need for a particular woman than maintaining his abode, except as a woman cultivates it into something more appealing.

HHH downplays his strengths that enable him to produce, provide, protect, and problem solve for family life in his own satisfying way. She rejects him as family hero and elevates the kids over him. She expects him to husband her without some tradeoff for his having given up his independence. She treats him as a domestic regarding household chores – all orders and little reward. She exhibits poor leadership by telling him how to do things instead of what to do. She makes his castle so ‘perfect’ in her eyes that it transforms into her castle.

She marries expecting him to change. He marries expecting her not to change. After marriage, she changes and pushes him to better fit her ideals of their life together. When she insists, he resists, resents, and perhaps retaliates. Caught up in a marriage he did not expect, he slips one leg over the edge of the escape hatch and prepares to jump.

HHH considers his machismo and the male ego to be ‘crimes against Nature,’ which signals that she wants a pansy or wuss instead of a real man to husband her. If she finds and partners with one, she finds that she doesn’t respect him as a man, which makes her worthless as mate to him.

She rejects an age-old custom. Changing her last name to his after marriage evolved to show her to be his faithful partner. Unwillingness to take his name sends players a message that she is not very tightly dedicated to her husband and may be more easily available. (Admittedly, it’s man-think). By adopting his name, she signifies willingness to be his with faithful expectations. Not taking his name does not imply she will cheat, but it tells others that she does not respect him enough to quell his doubts and fears and depend totally on him.

She expects his faithfulness without providing the equivalent for him. Her husband expects not only her faithfulness but guarantees of it. He perceives that failure to give herself whole-heartedly to him makes her more easily susceptible to cheating on him. Clouds of suspicion weigh heavily on his mind, and he keeps one hand on the ejection lever for either him or her.

HHH is entitled to be hard-hearted. But she should expect her man to resent it, weaken his own dedication to her, and prepare for a softer landing with the next female.

 

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2105. A Man Depressed


Her Highness Magnolia asked about the male equivalent of Female Blessings at Birth. I haven’t done one but it’s now on my work list. It’s all prompted by her questions that include, “What works to lift a man’s sadness and feelings of helplessness and hopelessness?”

Know thyself, said someone important. Men don’t acknowledge such things nor take advice on personal matters from men. That’s why a friend of many years seeks Magnolia’s advice. The following is the best I can offer her at this time.

I shall describe the male heart, natural energies and initiatives they are born with. She might find ways to convey beneficial thoughts to him. (I purposely describe the process backwards.)

  • A man’s greatest fear is insignificance. It’s his opinion of how effectively he produces/provides/protects/problem-solves in life. Little or no effectiveness on the ‘4 Ps’ and his spirits drop. No job, loss of job, demeaning woman he lives with, and lack of encouraging mate are the likeliest causes of loss of significance.
  • Satisfaction is to men the equivalent of happiness to women. It’s the grand target in life. Both have to earn it. Women earn it by finding gratefulness in their lives and it’s a never-ending process. Men, however, earn satisfaction through daily productive functions. When they end their workday satisfied, they are happy.
  • A man’s daily functions to produce/provide/protect/problem-solve arise out of his need for self-admiration. He learns quickly and eagerly repeats whatever makes him admire himself; feel good about himself and what he’s just done. It’s his prime energizer. Having no job—or mate to inspire him—leads quickly to loss of opportunity to earn it, which means little or no satisfaction, which leads to insignificance.
  • Repetitive self-admiration leads to satisfaction which compounds into significance. Thus, the lack of or failure to take advantage of opportunities to earn self-admiration sinks a man into depression or worse.

What lifts a man’s sadness and feelings of helplessness and hopelessness? Work, job, obligation for him to act, and his devotion to those things first in his life. Not mate but work. Not home but job. Not togetherness but responsibility. Not her affection but appreciation. Not her assistance but dependence. Not her ‘thank you’ but her smiles. Not her pushiness but memory of her pleasantness. I’ll stop there, but you see, so much depends on his mate.

The following primal urges stir beneath the factors above.

  • Men are driven to compete with Nature, other men, and to shape human events.
  • Men need only a place to flop, eat, throw their things, and prepare to fight whatever dragons they expect tomorrow.
  • Men want independence and the freedom to make their own decisions.
  • Men live in the present and leave preparation of the future to their women.

Those are the major ingredients of the male nature that women have to work with in order to generate and maintain compatibility with a permanent mate. I’m sure men have other blessings that I’ve not yet identified. But I’ll work on it. Women need to know men better and their under-appreciated qualities need some promotion.

 

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2102. Compatibility Axioms #561-570


561. If husband expects wife to dress seductively in public, he wants other men to admire him for having her. This reveals his self-centeredness, and when aging makes her less youthful or attractive, she becomes expendable emotionally if not physically.  [202]

562. If he were as good as she expects, he would have bypassed her and chosen another woman  [202]

563. If his commitment—whether true or disingenuous—is enough for her to yield sex their first time, his devotion will likely never grow to her later satisfaction. [202]

564. If she chases a man or men, then to the man and men she’s desperate and therefore disposable because she lacks self-respect and is therefore not respectable enough for much more than sex. [202]

565. If she is unhappy with her man, he sees it like this: Her ingratitude appears unjustified, because he is a good man doing his best. If he thinks otherwise, he does not care about her unhappiness and probably looks elsewhere already. [202]

566. When men have to make arrangements for their own meals, whatever woman they are with becomes more expendable. [202]

567. A man enjoys looking at an attractive, pleasant looking female. When his woman looks sloppy and uncaring, he’s bored, knows that he has earned more, and soon looks for something more attractive. [202]

568. She acts ungratefully with and for her man. Then she blames him for her unhappiness. Her ungrateful actions dominate her feelings. [203]

569. Jean Jacque Rousseau was wrong about many things, but not this one: “The more women want to resemble [men], the less women will govern them, and then men will truly be the masters.” [203]

570. As with all of us, he produces better when he lives for something or someone higher than himself. Another reason why married men are more successful and live longer lives than their uncommitted, unattached male brothers. [203]

 

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2100. 7th Anniversary, Tempus Fugit


Seven years ago tomorrow I posted my first article as declaration of war against Feminism. I titled it “Feminism Indicted.” I copy it here as still appropriate and the birthmark.

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  • Feminism Indicted: Feminism is the philosophy of envy of men, the creed of anger at men, and the gospel of politics in relationships. Its inherent virtue merely equalizes unhappiness for women seeking or living with a man.
  • Femininity Acquitted: Femininity is the philosophy of attractiveness for men, the creed of faithfulness with men, and the gospel of devotion to one man. Its inherent virtue civilizes men, balances male dominance, suppresses male aggressiveness, inspires men to prove their worthiness, and rewards men for acting responsibly as both husband and father.
  • Feminism discourages male adoration of women. Femininity inspires it. Feminism demeans masculinity to get what women want. Femininity praises manliness to get what women want.
  • Feminism unleashes the savage male beast. Femininity tames it.
  • Anger energizes the politics of Feminism. Indirectness and modesty empower the cultural and domestic leadership of Femininity.

——

I started the blog with commitment to explain what women never hear and expected to post a few dozen articles. Now at 2100 I have become relatively devoted and intend to continue the mindset.

Those of you who comment make my duty more pleasant and enjoyable. Thank you.

 

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2094. Domestic Indigestion—Don’t Blame Men


The politically inspired Feminism movement persuaded women to change their behavior relative to men. Unintended consequences inevitably arose for the public but were expected by political activists seeking to change America.

It’s their nature; men do whatever females require in order to have frequent and convenient access to sex. Before Feminism emerged, men expected to marry for life and responsibly provide for family. Females admired and respected the male gender even more than their own. Males reciprocated. Women rewarded men for responsible husbanding and fathering, and men got what they wanted for giving up their freedom. Girls developed hopes and dreams and learned to screen teen boys for aptitude, talent, and skill to fulfill their dreams.

That female-friendly culture went under attack and the tear-down really took hold in the 1960s. Women’s Liberation advocates and the feminazis* called men relationship misfits, inadequate as mates, and unnecessary for the fulfillment of females. They mocked men as insensitive and overbearing. They sought to change the males’ natural dominance with legal, political, and economic initiatives. They dedicated to kill patriarchy.

Full-fledged feminists, acolytes, advocates, and admirers took up finger-pointing, male bashing, and condemnation of most things masculine. Political correctioneers arose to push forward on their ideology. Over time men fulfilled the prophecy. They became what they were called, accused of, and treated. With the Pygmalion Effect jumpstarted, the self-fulfilling prophecy fulfilled.

Men are now accused to be relationship misfits, blamed as inadequate mates, and determined to be uninterested and inadequate to fulfill female interests, hopes, and dreams. Compatibility as couples too easily bursts into flames. Pleasantness has dissolved as a cardinal point on society’s compass. Political correctness replaces the good common sense embedded in the female nature. But men get plenty cheap and easy sex.

Mutual respect dies. Neither gender respects the other more than their own, as they once did. Men don’t respect the female gender, largely because women show insufficient respect for the male gender and do little or nothing to protect their sexual assets. Feminists try to alter the nature of men, but they fail. Hormones continue to trump intentions, whether good or bad. But men get plenty cheap and easy sex.

Women provide unmarried sex more freely than ever before. Their need for a boyfriend, lover, or husband drives them. She rewards a man before he earns her by proving his worth for her, which means that her worth declines because so few set out to earn her. Little demand means less worthy and prices sink, which means men do less on behalf of women. But men get plenty cheap and easy sex.

Each woman’s value continues to decline in social, romantic, and domestic arenas. Feminists call it Sexual Freedom. Men call it GREAT! Non-feminist women arrive in greater numbers to populate the multiplex of misery where self-respect is dealt mortal blows by unwanted singleness, disappointment, unhappiness, abandonment, loneliness, isolation, hopelessness, despair, depression, divorce, gloom. But men get plenty of cheap and easy sex.

Husbands abandon wives. They escape women who demean manly accomplishments and importance as they have been inspired by decades of trying to change men. Even older husbands capitalize by pursuing trophies. They long for the excitement they missed as teens. They seek to restore their significance with a young thing they can train to suit them. But men get plenty of cheap and easy sex.

Wives abandon husbands to keep from being dumped, to jumpstart legal proceedings, to maximize financial benefits. But men get plenty of cheap and easy sex.

Thus, modern women compensate men for doing what women don’t want. Gentlemanly behavior is dead. Male sexual freedom shows few restraints. Erotic attire spreads the urge to merge. Female-friendly morals deteriorate. Male character strengths weaken as less family responsibility provides less reinforcement. Strong sense of family responsibility melts alongside single women without hopes and dreams. But men get plenty of cheap and easy sex.

Men continue as their nature enables and empowers them to ignore female-friendly values, standards, and expectations. They do whatever women require for frequent and convenient access to sex but not much else. It’s so much cheaper for males, because females now absorb the high cost of cheap sex and men get so much more of it.

Unfortunately, the feminist-darkened social culture forces the majority of women to pay the full price after split up. Less respect for men and social values about sexual freedom push women where they don’t want their relationships to go. They turned men into insensitive clods and fuzzy-headed mates. Having bought into an ideology spawned by political activists declaring war on men,  what more should women expect?

As society proceeds more toward collectivism, individualism dies. Political leaders and activists govern what happens to individuals by causing the collective to deteriorate and become more dependent on politicians. So, obviously unknown to women because they don’t fight back, the character of politicians determines the character of the public. As the quality of character fades collectively, the quality of individual character follows and so does life for everyone. But men get plenty cheap and easy sex to compensate them to not object.

 

——

* Rush Limbaugh coined the feminazi term to describe the dozen or so radicals that birthed Feminism out of the Women’s Liberation political movement. Nothing more is intended here.

Editor’s note: This is a rewrite of article 157. Dark Side of Feminism—Part 11 published 4/4/2008. Over six years ago and conditions worsen.

 

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