Tag Archives: boyfriend

2243. FEMININE


Surfercajun at 2239 inquired about feminine. Here’s my response.

We’re talking about men, so surprise, surprise. Feminine is not who or what she is, it’s who and what men perceive her to be. Which means she is whoever and whatever his curiosity, imagination, and conscious thought make her out to be. It makes sense but why do I mention it talking to women?

To make this point: Whoever and whatever you think you are, however beautiful, great, and praise-worthy you may be to yourself and those who know you, you’re still just a sexually available female to all men until you prove otherwise to each and every man who wants to bed you. Insensitive and tactless, perhaps I am, so forgive me. I’m on track to make a connected point.

Feminine is the totality of the female creature that serves to hold a man permanently. Not beauty, not sexual attractiveness, not career greatness, not laudable behavior. Feminine is most important because it includes the others in the male mind. Too simplified, perhaps, but I continue on track to the next point.

Feminine is complex to females but simple to males who visualize it in mind and heart; of course every man is different. Consequently, there are no perfect attributes that make a woman feminine. There are only attributes aimed at turning on masculine curiosity, imagination, and conscious thought that most likely generate the maximum interest in you out of every man. The more men attracted to you, then the merrier for you. It provides you with the greatest number of opportunities to find AND KEEP the man of your dreams. The more feminine you appear to each man, the more likely the man of your dreams will crave to spend his life with you. Men compete; the more one man wants you the more the next one does too. It’s up to women to make that last sentence mean HER more than sex.

Three main characteristics appeal to men. Feminine mystique, female modesty, and monogamous spirit. When her other features, traits, and behaviors emphasize those three, she shows up as very feminine to the greatest number of men. Examples follow of what each characteristic consists of in the eyes of men.

Feminine mystique. She’s so short of being totally understandable it’s not worth his effort to try; she’s acceptable as is. (Exaggerated, yes, but men don’t have to understand their woman nearly as much as women have to understand their man).

She’s an enigma, not the least bit of a male thinker. Unpredictable about even the smallest things. Composed when she should be upset. Upset when composure is called for. Independent on matters about which she should be dependent and vice versa. Curious when uncalled for because whatever was the matter is now resolved. Dumb about the simplest and surprisingly knowledgeable about the complicated. Surprisingly adroit when she needs to be, but not afraid to admit being uninformed.

Expresses her pride through mothering and nurturing and not through trying to outdo him. Doesn’t show off even when she deserves to do so. Can love even those whom she doesn’t respect. Can admire a man’s strength and learn to support or rely on it even after it fails him. Can forgive easily (he forgets to ask or notice if she can forget).

Can out-compete the toughest people but chooses to outwit and outsmart rather than out-fight. No one’s too big for her. She’s feisty but it’s a rare occasion when she shows it, because she’s so well respected even by fairly important people.

She isn’t hesitant; in fact she’s pleased to inspire him with a new hint of mystery. It prompts him to think. Why is a woman so willing to do what this wise woman recommends as part of being feminine. Superslaviswife suggests that women exhibit “An openness to new experiences and places that tells him she can accommodate him in her life. And an eagerness to share those experiences with him and be a part of his life.”

Female modesty. Under the guise of modesty, she controls her life according to her best interest. She looks and acts modestly, which means attractively with minimal attention to sexual features and the absence of sexually suggestive behavior. Fashionable and classy attractiveness signify that she’s unique, which is a logical step toward fascination.

Modesty is her most significant weapon of defense against masculine intrusions in her life. Such as, time to ponder elsewhere (powder room), break away from excess passion, turn a blind eye to offensive behavior, flee or slap someone when her sensibilities are threatened, and justify not explaining herself or complaining about others.

Modesty enables her to evade having to defend or protect her values, standards, and expectations. Thus, she can leave men thinking they have won whatever mental battle just transpired; she defers to him when he wouldn’t defer to her, which effectively steals his victory and adds further mystery to her. She’d rather retreat now and gain advantage for next time.

Monogamous spirit. His woman’s physical infidelity is the greatest assault on a man’s dignity, self-respect, respect of other men, and sense of significance. Every evaluation of a marriage candidate’s character, features, and behaviors is done with this thought top of mind: Will she be faithful to me? Until he proves YES to himself, he is unlikely to propose.

Consequently, a boyfriend’s interests and interrogations spotlight everything connected with her future faithfulness. Her appearance, emotion, behavior, and sexual history hold clues for his detection. When he’s not working on the subject directly, his subconscious mind is alert to things that might even hint at future unfaithfulness. Notice this, he’s not looking for signs of fidelity but infidelity. He accepts faithful based on lack of evidence to suggest unfaithful.

The feminine woman’s attitude includes support and clear thinking about monogamy, marriage, trust, respect, commitment, and devotion. It can easily shape his thinking to her advantage. Her support and promise of love means little for his assessing her for being faithful to him. It’s too easy for her to fall in love with someone else or have one still lingering in her heart. Men are not all that trusting of love and its promises.

Feminine. The truly feminine woman—if men were so inclined but they’re not—would regularly receive from every man she encounters compliments about subjects other than sex. Because men are so disinclined to compliment a woman unless they want something, women have to compliment themselves about their femininity (mirror time, anyone?), belief in themselves, and confidence they are doing right for themselves. With that foundation, women can much more easily attract good men and then weed out those who act in ways contrary to their self-interest. The Marrying Man likes to lurk until he spots the likeliest of candidates for his taste. I submit to you that femininity is his greatest magnet.

24 Comments

Filed under boobs, courtship, Dear daughter, How she wins, sex differences

2175. Dating in Mid-life — Part C8: Her Past, A Simpler View


You can’t shape the dating atmosphere to your advantage without anticipating what is likely to come up. This post is aimed at reinforcing the more practical side of a subject and admittedly aims more at younger than more mature women.

Perhaps the toughest test of your worth to Mr. Good Enough, can and will he accept you without knowing the details of your past sex life? He has four interests: to determine his comparative value as a lover, to prevent his embarrassment as your lover, to determine the likelihood of you cheating, and what really intrigues him: Promiscuous? With his friends? With someone he knows? Mistress? Shack up? Cheap? Easy?

It’s his nature; he’s born that way. Men begrudge anyone who went before them, and the begrudging varies with who are the individuals. Husbands can be forgotten as legitimate earners of your favors (unless you bring it up)—but not the others and some measure of too many or too much reflects harshly against not just you but more importantly him.

CAUTION: The Manosphere loudly broadcasts that women are equally entitled to sexual freedom and their history is of no concern to advocates of Game philosophy. Don’t fall for it, darling. Their philosophic values are founded on the supreme superiority of men over women to the extent that respect for women is non-existent. Their philosophic flavoring floats on Feminism, tends toward homoeroticism, and leans on Islamic values. Overall, it contradicts anyone’s interest in sexual discretion and monogamy.

Here are a dozen pointers to help shape the dating scene to your advantage.

  1. Your known past generates suspicions that override acceptances and assurances. Your unknown past generates fewer suspicions to eat away at the mutual trust you hope to build.  [241]
  2. Men seek and others often advise full disclosure. When men actively pursue more about your past, they can’t ignore and not use the information to shape their thinking. Talked into full disclosure, women expect fairness and equality. The male nature does not originate fairness for sharing sexual assets, and equality is a female concept that men don’t normally consider in human relations. [241]
  3. People argue that trust cannot arise without full disclosure. Hah! Trust arises from convictions drawn from beliefs and speculation about a person. Trust does not arise when specific knowledge prevents such convictions. [241]
  4. Full disclosure comes out uneven, unequal, un-repairable, because the male nature values a woman’s chastity far more than the female nature finds interest in a man’s sexual history.  [241]
  5. The harder a man works to draw details out of your sexual past, the more likely he will use it against you sometime, someway. Perhaps latently, indirectly, or vengefully. It’s available to hold over your head and to rationalize or recover from his own mistakes. [241]
  6. Forgetting your sexual past with lack of knowledge is far easier than forgiving what Mr. GoodEnough learns from full disclosure. The more he knows, the more he thinks. The more he thinks, the more he looks for the bad or unacceptable. The more unacceptable, the less forgetting. The less forgetting, the less forgiving. [241]
  7. Feminine intuition trumps full-disclosure. While not easy, you are blessed with the skills and expertise to withhold who, what, when, where, why, and how of what he doesn’t already know. Withholding information is not dishonesty. Disclosure means candid, accuracy means honest. [302]
  8. His spirit and willingness to give more than he takes may indicate his ability to honor your decision and help qualify him as Mr. GoodEnough. However, if he’s more of a taker, he may not honor your other expectations either. Such as these after marriage: Have kids even though he agreed. Or your desire to stay home and home school, when he wants more income in the home. Or support you in caring for a sick parent. [327]
  9. Your undisclosed sexual past defends your relationship, because his ammo box lacks your historical bullets to fire back in domestic squabbles. [327]
  10. The forward-thinking woman convinces all her female friends to never leak anything about her past to her dating partner, boyfriend, husband, or any other man. But this may fail too, because friends betray friends. They steal dates, boyfriends, lovers, and husbands, don’t they? Consequently, the wisest woman keeps her sexual history as secret as possible even from friends and family. [327]
  11. Former relationships may be known to your man, but no mention should be made or comparative details disclosed. It’s toxic in any relationship for you to disclose the relative sexual worth of one man to another, regardless of who’s the better. [302]
  12. Don’t think you can outsmart him by claiming he’s your greatest lover ever. You opened the door to his inquiry about how and why he’s the greatest, so you’re trapped into telling what you’re best off not to disclose.

The more that Mr. GoodEnough knows, the more likely he will make you pay some price for your past. Couples do squabble. You may never know or understand what’s happening. Yet, he may strike back because of your earlier sexual events. It takes very little for reminders of your past to grow into humiliation for him. Your history affects his sense of significance, whether you know it or not and accept it or not. 

I know this subject has been perhaps overheated and difficult to accept. Too much of a good thing can still be boring. Tomorrow’s subject is also a tender one that needs to be reviewed for mid-life dating. It’s submission, even though we all know that subject doesn’t apply before marriage. Preparation is easier than recovery, which is the not just everything but quite often the only thing.

 

8 Comments

Filed under courtship, Culture & Politics, Dear daughter, How she wins

2118. Compatibility Axioms #591-600


591. Unmarried sex causes couples to over-commit and under-connect. [212]

592. Her value continues upward increasingly to every man that chases her, until she yields. People instinctively value more highly what they can’t have than what they gain and then ‘own’. [212]

593. Everybody makes mistakes. Recovery is everything, and virtual virginity enables it for past sexual mistakes/experience. [212]

594. Avoiding life as an ex comes much easier to the woman that elevates and honors her sexual assets even above marriage. [212]

595. By her refusing to have unmarried sex, she forces a man to prove himself worthy of her and capable of fulfilling her expectations for home and family. If it doesn’t work that way, then he’s after sex and not her. [212]

596. Scoring with a hard-to-get woman elevates a man’s sense of significance, but it’s more ego than conviction, more temporary than permanent, more fun than bond. [212]

597. The woman that a man respects and honors adds to his convicted sense of significance, whether they are sex partners or not. That is, he’s more satisfied with himself by treating her more respectably/honorably.[212]

598. Refusing to have sex with an attractive man requires womanly strength of character to keep from turning him off. Hard-headed feminine gentleness helps and self-dedication wins. [212]

599. A woman’s biggest challenge is to keep from being eager or desperate to have a boyfriend, dates, hubby, or sex, or whatever else she thinks she has to have for the short term. [212]

600. Women seek affection and fear abandonment. Uncrossed legs before marriage is not mutually bonding, which short-circuits affection and increases likelihood of being dumped sooner or later.  [213]

2 Comments

Filed under How she wins

2101 — Compatibility Axioms #551-560


551. Christian men complain that young women and girls dress so seductively for church that they discredit God and steal male attention away from church teachings. Church-going men usually make good husbands, but they must be proud of how their wife appears in public. [200]

552. If she doesn’t dominate the courtship agenda, she won’t have much power in any other arrangement—except separation. [201]

553. “We are mutually co-dependent,” she imagines. Women think or hope that men are like females in their thinking, habits, and urge to constantly be together—wrong! [201]

554. If she does not like herself and love being a female, she will not appreciate any man for very long—except the older, father figure. [201]

555. If she stands for nothing but the popular and fashionable, she will fall for what’s new—including another man. [201]

556. If women don’t condemn what embarrasses them, they undermine their self-respect and miss opportunities to gain the respect of men for female sensibilities. [201]

557. Marriage boils down to this: She chose him. As the relationship expert, she’s responsible to qualify him and place value on whatever he’s selling. Then, as the buyer, she makes whatever adjustments are necessary to live with what she ‘purchased’. [201]

558. Modern women use sex, hope, and loving affection to bond their future with a man. But the multitude of short relationships shows that it doesn’t work very well. [201]

559. Instead of making men prove they are worthy of her as the buyer and him as the seller, modern women reverse those roles in order to have a boyfriend. They consider the present more important than the future, which is the male and not female priority of life. [201]

560. Men highly value female virtue. The promise of eventual conquest of a virtuous woman adds honor to his manly persona and significance. But it’s up to women to demonstrate the qualities that men admire and decide are virtuous. [202]

 

10 Comments

Filed under Dear daughter

2094. Domestic Indigestion—Don’t Blame Men


The politically inspired Feminism movement persuaded women to change their behavior relative to men. Unintended consequences inevitably arose for the public but were expected by political activists seeking to change America.

It’s their nature; men do whatever females require in order to have frequent and convenient access to sex. Before Feminism emerged, men expected to marry for life and responsibly provide for family. Females admired and respected the male gender even more than their own. Males reciprocated. Women rewarded men for responsible husbanding and fathering, and men got what they wanted for giving up their freedom. Girls developed hopes and dreams and learned to screen teen boys for aptitude, talent, and skill to fulfill their dreams.

That female-friendly culture went under attack and the tear-down really took hold in the 1960s. Women’s Liberation advocates and the feminazis* called men relationship misfits, inadequate as mates, and unnecessary for the fulfillment of females. They mocked men as insensitive and overbearing. They sought to change the males’ natural dominance with legal, political, and economic initiatives. They dedicated to kill patriarchy.

Full-fledged feminists, acolytes, advocates, and admirers took up finger-pointing, male bashing, and condemnation of most things masculine. Political correctioneers arose to push forward on their ideology. Over time men fulfilled the prophecy. They became what they were called, accused of, and treated. With the Pygmalion Effect jumpstarted, the self-fulfilling prophecy fulfilled.

Men are now accused to be relationship misfits, blamed as inadequate mates, and determined to be uninterested and inadequate to fulfill female interests, hopes, and dreams. Compatibility as couples too easily bursts into flames. Pleasantness has dissolved as a cardinal point on society’s compass. Political correctness replaces the good common sense embedded in the female nature. But men get plenty cheap and easy sex.

Mutual respect dies. Neither gender respects the other more than their own, as they once did. Men don’t respect the female gender, largely because women show insufficient respect for the male gender and do little or nothing to protect their sexual assets. Feminists try to alter the nature of men, but they fail. Hormones continue to trump intentions, whether good or bad. But men get plenty cheap and easy sex.

Women provide unmarried sex more freely than ever before. Their need for a boyfriend, lover, or husband drives them. She rewards a man before he earns her by proving his worth for her, which means that her worth declines because so few set out to earn her. Little demand means less worthy and prices sink, which means men do less on behalf of women. But men get plenty cheap and easy sex.

Each woman’s value continues to decline in social, romantic, and domestic arenas. Feminists call it Sexual Freedom. Men call it GREAT! Non-feminist women arrive in greater numbers to populate the multiplex of misery where self-respect is dealt mortal blows by unwanted singleness, disappointment, unhappiness, abandonment, loneliness, isolation, hopelessness, despair, depression, divorce, gloom. But men get plenty of cheap and easy sex.

Husbands abandon wives. They escape women who demean manly accomplishments and importance as they have been inspired by decades of trying to change men. Even older husbands capitalize by pursuing trophies. They long for the excitement they missed as teens. They seek to restore their significance with a young thing they can train to suit them. But men get plenty of cheap and easy sex.

Wives abandon husbands to keep from being dumped, to jumpstart legal proceedings, to maximize financial benefits. But men get plenty of cheap and easy sex.

Thus, modern women compensate men for doing what women don’t want. Gentlemanly behavior is dead. Male sexual freedom shows few restraints. Erotic attire spreads the urge to merge. Female-friendly morals deteriorate. Male character strengths weaken as less family responsibility provides less reinforcement. Strong sense of family responsibility melts alongside single women without hopes and dreams. But men get plenty of cheap and easy sex.

Men continue as their nature enables and empowers them to ignore female-friendly values, standards, and expectations. They do whatever women require for frequent and convenient access to sex but not much else. It’s so much cheaper for males, because females now absorb the high cost of cheap sex and men get so much more of it.

Unfortunately, the feminist-darkened social culture forces the majority of women to pay the full price after split up. Less respect for men and social values about sexual freedom push women where they don’t want their relationships to go. They turned men into insensitive clods and fuzzy-headed mates. Having bought into an ideology spawned by political activists declaring war on men,  what more should women expect?

As society proceeds more toward collectivism, individualism dies. Political leaders and activists govern what happens to individuals by causing the collective to deteriorate and become more dependent on politicians. So, obviously unknown to women because they don’t fight back, the character of politicians determines the character of the public. As the quality of character fades collectively, the quality of individual character follows and so does life for everyone. But men get plenty cheap and easy sex to compensate them to not object.

 

——

* Rush Limbaugh coined the feminazi term to describe the dozen or so radicals that birthed Feminism out of the Women’s Liberation political movement. Nothing more is intended here.

Editor’s note: This is a rewrite of article 157. Dark Side of Feminism—Part 11 published 4/4/2008. Over six years ago and conditions worsen.

 

17 Comments

Filed under Culture & Politics

2074. Compatibility Axioms #481-490


All that follows below is based on the natures of men and women as they are born. Women have to figure out what’s best for them given the lessons they have learned in life and the relationships they enter.

481. Easy sex might promote shack up and even short marriage within the mind of her boyfriend. But, it won’t stir up the foundational respect needed for enduring love that survives the inevitable fading of romantic love. [171]

482. Girls cheapen themselves to attract a boyfriend, and success builds habit. Men don’t value cheap women except for sex, which forces such girls as women to bounce from one man to another. [171]

483. Men have access to too much easy sex to endure one female’s nagging and attempts to change him or his life. As one man said of his ex: “Somewhere, someplace, some guy is tired of her s_ _ _!” [171]

484. Promiscuity fends off men, not for her as temporary sex partner but as keeper. Encountering her past lovers threaten him after conquest but doesn’t discourage him before.  [171]

485. To prove their newfound sexual freedom, women abandon the greatest strategy for attracting, capturing, and keeping a man. That is, no sex without devotion and deep obligation developed and proven over an extended courtship (especially including fellatio). [171]

486. When she chases a man for his looks, she wants to impress him and be liked. However, he receives the message that she’s available and disposable. [172]

487. Go after the hunk and dislike what follows the bunk. After she beds the hottie, she’s as disposable as a nottie. Hunks learn early that they get what they want without giving of themselves. So, they keep getting and getting, which calls for someone else. [172]

488. A husband views his wife’s ‘constructive criticism’ this way: “I know it’s good for me. I just can’t stand so much goodness.” [172]

489. If he does not see that she needs him, he will become temporary. Her expressions of affection make her feel good, but they do not show her need for him as do her respect, gratitude, and dependence. [172]

490. Men don’t respect desperate people. A desperate woman is not a keeper and is dumpable without much remorse. [172]

 

18 Comments

Filed under Dear daughter

2049. Submissive #07 — Submissive is More Honorable


I continue with the list of situations that make women more aware of what’s happening mentally between the sexes. Let me know if the subject is beginning to drag. I have other subjects that I can intersperse. There’s probably 4-6 dailies left in the submissive series—re-titled out of respect for that female blessing endowed at birth.

Nearly synonymous, I often interchange dominance and submission. It depends on which term seems to best fit the situation but in most cases it means the same thing to the woman on the receiving end of typical male expectations.

14. Competition in marriage favors the primary leader—the husband. Cooperation favors the rest of the team—wife/mother and children. Sustaining her team successfully without challenging his role and self-prescribed authority generates peace in the home, which he expects her to deliver. [Guy adds: From such generated peace with husband not interfering, relationship experts generate harmony. It’s a natural urge and it brightens the female future.]

15. The mutual exchange of spouses pleasing each other, combined with going along to get along, smooths out stormy marital ripples. What is the best model to produce it? Women visualize this model, one head of the family leaves room for one neck to turn the head. There’s much to be said for it for three reasons: 1) It works pretty well as a strategic model and discourages wife from wandering deeply into husband’s domains. 2) It proclaims her role to be subordinate and submissive and thus sounds okay to husbands to talk and even joke about it. 3) It casts her in the role of indirect leader rather than trying to lead husband directly by challenging his authority. [Guy adds: Even that model can be improved upon. I’ve described it elsewhere as a family rank structure. It embellishes the influence of the neck and softens the head’s need for dominance. It’s too lengthy for here, but if you’d like to see it let me know. I’ll put it aside for a few days.]

16. During dating, courtship, and engagement, women lay the groundwork to win or lose in the marital power game. As the relationship expert, a very feminine female knows intuitively how to expect and handle a man’s sense of dominance and his expectation for her submission. Unfortunately, not all women listen to their hearts; for various reasons they automatically give in to their man’s expectations. [Guy adds: When women forget or forego living by what their heart tells them, they weaken their political power in the home. For example: She knows that she deserves to be treated respectfully—first as person, second as wife/girlfriend/fiancée, third as prospective mate. When she lets the first sign of disrespect pass without mention, she opens the gate. More will follow. His disrespect poisons their relationship. The only antidote is to squelch it unflinchingly at the first instance and until it stops. Do whatever it takes. Of course, if he doesn’t stop after just a couple instances, he’s nowhere near Mr. Good Enough. Evidence of disrespect means that his respect is insufficient to generate more than just a little love in his heart. So, turn him into Mr. Dumped, because he will never become her Mr. Right even after decades of marriage.]

17. Each woman knows to compete to prevent conquest before she is ready for it. However, she isn’t aware of one part of the male nature. Her discouragement of his initiative wins his respect, which is the foundation of his love. After conquest, however, competing with him weakens her likeability, the very thing he expects to keep him in pursuit. [Guy adds: Directly resisting his dominance is to challenge him. He expects and accepts it before but not after conquest. Unfortunately, women have indirect ways of resisting submission after conquest, but it sours their own attitude and weakens their likeability.]

18. Her boyfriend’s dominant attitude is offensive, domineering, and borderline unacceptable. Red flags wave. What to do? She needs a boyfriend or potential groom. She may be desperate! This one may be her last chance! There have been so few possible candidates lately! What to do? [Guy adds: If she cannot stand to be that dominated before marriage, why should she expect him to be anything but worse after marriage? Men don’t change to please their woman except before conquest, and even that can be faked.]

Can you use some more wife-promoting situational awareness? Come back tomorrow.

 

3 Comments

Filed under courtship