2146. Compatibility Axioms #661-670

661. Virtual virginity is all about earning greater respect. A man’s enduring love—the kind of devotion that survives infatuation, lust, and romantic love that inevitably fade—is founded most deeply on respect that she earns and devotion that develops in his heart from the actions he takes to please her repeatedly, primarily if not all before conquest. [231]
662. Nothing focuses a man’s mind so assertively on changing a woman’s mind than continued refusals for their first sex together. Continued refusals either earn his respect or departure, and that’s the only way she can find out what he’s after primarily—her or sex. [231]
663. Trying harder and harder for conquest focuses his attentions on her. Looking for weaknesses, he uncovers her strengths, qualities, and virtues. Over time, it convinces him she is more worthy of his time, effort, and personal investment. Long courtships breed more of his investment opportunities for her to seal the connections. [231]
664. His dominance will always be present or threatening, but greater mutual respect upgrades her opinions and enhances her influence. [231]
665. When men have to make arrangements for their own meals, whatever woman pushes them to have to do it becomes more easily disposable. [232]
666. Manly boredom and female attractiveness do not show up together. A man always enjoys looking at an attractive, pleasant looking female. When his woman looks sloppy and uncaring, boredom does set in and his interest goes elsewhere—perhaps to looking for something more attractive. [232]
667. Men graciously live with the exaggeration that a man’s home is his castle. But it happens most reliably when his woman exploits her relationship expertise, showers him with gratitude, and recognizes him as head and her as neck of the family. Anything less is not a castle, and there’s a certain manly satisfaction looking for it somewhere else. [232]
668. Men highly value feminine virtue, qualities they admire, because the promise of eventual conquest adds honor to his manly persona and significance. [232]
669. Men intend to make themselves admirable (primarily to themselves) and their life significant (usually above all else). [232]
670. Men love working or doing what they feel compelled to do. The most reliable men turn their life into loveable work both at home and on the job. (There’s an old saying, Show me a man that loves his job and I’ll show you a man that never has to go to work.) [232]

 

2128. Female Blessings at Birth — #98

I have identified another inborn blessing that women possess in their hearts but may not use enough to enhance their self-interest. As with the other 97, at the end I summarize the blessing as it appears to others and show the natural reaction of men.

98. I am grateful, although I never recognized it before, I am hardwired at birth to not overeat. All I have to do is be a better, more diligent and feminine woman, and pay more attention to those around me than to myself. I am automatically that when I cook. [Guy adds: The nature of woman works this way at the dinner table where she’s cooked the food. Her mind goes to everything except the food on her plate. She partakes subconsciously. Little or no intention to devour or clean her plate, her taste buds largely ignored. Other interests concern or please her. Does husband like it? Will kids eat it? Enough leftovers for tomorrow? Should she have added more salt? Is meat too rare? Did kids have good day at school? Husband at work? What’s that twinge in her chest? Will x-rays today reveal something bad? Is mother as sick as she lets on? My mom’s car needs to be fixed, wonder if my husband will take it in? Hubby’s birthday is coming up; what should I get him? So is son’s; I don’t want to get him that thing he wants. What to do? (Eating out nullifies such discouragements for overeating. Also, if little girls are not taught to cook, they learn to eat as men eat—to please their taste buds instead of their conscience.) Her blessing: As she’s blessed to deal with ailments better than men, she’s also more capable at making food taste better. His admiration: I like and sometimes love her cooking.]
99. (I know there are more blessings to come. I await suggestions and inspiration. Target remains set at 100.)

If you disagree with #98, please register it with a big, fat F for false.

 

2121. Christmas Present for You

 Merry Christmas to one and all. May it be as enjoyable as your most pleasant dreams and as worshipful as Christ deserves in your heart.

Your questions challenge me and make me better. Your expressions of gratitude continue to amaze and bless me with certainty of my mission and ministry. You’ve ignited me with my life’s work.

My presents to you will follow in the near future. 1) Male Blessings at Birth. 2) The Blessings of Mirror Time (aka ‘pretty time’ and promised oh so long ago). 3) No promise but hopefully, another and better book.

And when the New Year arrives, may your troubles get littler, relationships more uplifting, and what you earn in life match what you deserve.

Respectfully,

Guy

 

2087. Female Blessings at Birth — 88-90 Plus

We near the end of the blessings that women carry but may not use. The new project seeds are bolded at the end of each item. I cite her blessings as men might see them and add a man’s natural response.

Your comments help and I continue to seek your T or F on each.

88. I’m grateful for the ability but I wish I understood better my own nature for earning happiness. [Guy adds: Specifically, she lacks understanding of the link between her motivation to earn and sustain self-importance and the requirement for self-gratitude that unlocks the door to earning happiness. More of one inflates the other, and more of both enhances her personality and roles in life. She is as good a person as both of them are high and it happens this way. She is important to herself to the extent that she confirms her gratitude for others. Gratefulness for others bounces back to her that she is important to them. Her life revolves around this closed loop: Self-importance comes from finding gratitude in her heart for others, which makes her display gratefulness for them, which they transform into feedback of her importance to them, and which closes the loop with her having a greater sense of self-importance. Thus, she depends on self-importance and self-gratitude to calm jittery nerves, squelch undeserved guilt, and convert anxiety to encouragement in others, which paves the road to her happiness. While she needs stimulation from outside herself, she is self-contained for processing life to the fullest for her and hers, but it all comes from keeping self-importance and self-gratitude inflated. The closed loop also describes the essence of femininity in action. Her blessing: She learns how to earn her way to happiness by finding gratitude in people and things. His admiration: It takes a wonderful and influential person to find so much to be grateful for in the face of all that men have to face. How can she do it. She’s amazing.]

89. Just as I am sex object to males, they are romance objects to me. [Guy adds: Life becomes simpler just by acknowledging that fact. Her blessing: She knows what she’s after and doesn’t mind being targeted to get it. His admiration: She has wily ways of using the former to get the latter.

90. My sense of neatness makes me feel good about myself. I use it to enhance my prettiness. [Guy adds: Along with modesty and vanity, neatness is a major ‘weapon’ in the female ‘arsenal’ for battling men. Her blessing: Neatness adds to her attractiveness and mental strength. His admiration: Neatness symbolizes dedication to herself. It shows that she has self-respect, self-discipline, and determination not to be easily pawed upon.

As before, mark each item T or F with whatever comment you wish to add.

 

2082. Marriage Isn’t the Wonder, Breakup Is

Her Highness Shanna at post 2026 pondered. “All these matters about the nature of men and women…it’s a wonder anyone gets married at all!!!”

Well, the wonder is that people don’t do better at marriage. Consider the grander features they inherit at birth that are self-serving both individually and collectively. Everyone is born with the necessary personal features, traits, talents, and skills to live compatibly with a mate. We’re made for permanent mating; it’s virtually in our blood. Marriage provides insurance. Why else would the advanced civilizations through several millennia have found permanent pairing as the best domestic arrangement? Just a few confirming points.

1. Women have to earn happiness by finding gratitude in themselves, others, and things. A woman’s mission in life is to live a good life made important by providing children for whom she can be grateful. How do mothers provide the necessary provisioning and protecting without the help of a useful and handy man? How do they gain the necessary insurance against abandonment without convincing men to vow themselves into permanent mating? And not just marriage for one but for almost all women. That’s what serves the female gender to the fullest. Too many single women means too much unobligated sex to lure men from faithful permanence.
2. Men do whatever women require for men to have frequent and convenient access to sex. If most women require marriage in exchange for their providing such easy access, then men marry to satisfy their natural urge.
3. Men are motivated to pursue self-admiration. Consequently, they combine it with their sex drive and pursue women under whatever conditions women require. A man’s natural drive for efficiency urges him to arrange for frequent and convenient access. So men are vulnerable to indirect female leadership by example, which means that men learn to monogamously follow monogamous women. It returns us back to the point above that women want a useful and handy man and physical faithfulness to him is essential to keep him loyal and dependable.
4. Men are born to be satisfied. It’s the equivalent of females born to be happy. However, men find satisfaction in daily pursuits. Far more easily than women, they find and can enjoy a pleasant life, which opens their heart and attitude to being pleased by a woman who shows promise for supporting, encouraging, and partnering with a man’s endeavors.
5. In the natural course of events, the dominant male sex continually faces off against the superior female sex. The immovable object of males resists the direct but yields to the indirect irresistible force of females. Women maintain peace in the process by convincing men that husbanding and fathering are both admirable and rewarded.

So, I disagree with Shanna. It’s more a wonder that marriages do not survive very long. It’s in the interest of both sexes, and yet they can’t get along well enough. It’s a pity but common today. Basically, both sexes abandon the strengths embedded in their own natures and copy that of the other, which makes them weaker rather than stronger as individuals.

 

2078. The Battle over House Work — Part I: Who They Are

The different expectations and disputes over house work start with major, inborn, deep-rooted differences between men and women. I neither alibi nor justify on behalf of either sex. I explain how they are born differently and tend to behave accordingly.

First, the highest order of their differences. She’s born to be happy; he’s born to be satisfied. She’s motivated to improve her self-importance and needs the confirmation of others. Getting confirmation makes her happy. He’s motivated to seek self-admiration but doesn’t need confirmation. Earning self-admiration satisfies him.next

Second, let’s summarize who they are and nest post 2079 will describe how they interact as the result.

HIM. A man’s prime motivator to earn self-admiration doesn’t end when his workday is over. He seeks to accomplish other things, including some way to celebrate and reward himself for a day well done. He’s satisfied with himself, and it’s time for reward. IOW, he has a prescribed period each day for earning satisfaction, after which he’s ready for clicker, beer, and prospects of an enjoyable dinner. I don’t claim that men deserve it, but that their inborn nature drives them to doing it. Unless and until they are seduced, lured, or otherwise recruited by their woman to do something else. One reward for earning satisfaction is the privilege to decide for themselves what to do after work.

Basically, men accomplish things for themselves, but they marry when willing to use their ability to provide/protect others in exchange for the promise one woman holds for fostering and supporting his efforts outside the home. Deny his self-declared form of rewarding his accomplishments, and that same mate turns him toward self-centeredness with unexpected consequences that his dependents don’t appreciate.

Men are not motivated to seek happiness. If satisfied, they claim to be happy but that’s the extent of their concern with it.

HER. A woman’s primal need is for a brighter future and there’s never an end in sight. It can always be made brighter with more effort by her or others. She always has something else that needs to be done. Very unlike men. Also, her prime motivator to embellish her sense of self-importance doesn’t end daily because her home always requires maintenance materially, spiritually, emotionally, or domestically. Homework as opposed to housework. Men don’t do relationship maintenance, and so she inherits that burden too. She combines all her self-assigned responsibilities about what needs to be done before this day ends in order to shape tomorrow and the future. She follows her endless and constantly juggled priority list.

She needs a feeling of gratefulness for herself; it’s the first step to earning happiness. She finds gratitude in her ability and influence to nest and raise children in a peaceful atmosphere created by her. Leaning on that foundation of self-gratitude, she finds gratefulness in other people and things. Grateful for her mate, each child, friends, her home, his job, her job, cars, family’s good fortune, adequate bank balance, food available, health, wealth, church, friends, neighborhood, city, state, country. The list is endless if she but looks.

Her happiness rises as she finds gratitude outside herself. But she can find no more than she’s grateful for herself, which arises out of the way she continually brightens her future in the home. Dare I say it? —by homework as opposed to housework and partially after her mate has entered his daily R&R expecting to avoid ‘hard labor’.

In pursuit of happiness, women are not satisfied with being satisfied. There’s always more to come or do in the pursuit of happiness.

Next post 2079 revolves around what they do about his R&R.

 

2077. Compatibility Axioms #491-500

All that follows below is based on the natures of men and women as they are born. Women have to figure out what’s best for them given the lessons they have learned in life and the relationships they enter.

491.Inability to conquer a woman focuses a man’s mind on one thing—getting it done by whatever it takes. But then conquest releases him to focus on something or somebody else. [172]

492. Men as hunter-conquerors always take interest in new targets whether in chase mode or not. [172]

493. Fellatio doubles down on ‘will you respect me in the morning’?

494. Sex deferred until marriage maximizes her as a highly feminine matrimonial target. Only a ‘giant of a man’—in his eyes that is himself, his royal studliness—could beat out all those other competitors for her made evermore worthy of investing himself by her impenetrable chastity. [174]

495. When all women cut way back on providing unmarried sex, the effective rationing makes men sell themselves more assertively. By force of habit and drive to succeed, this turns them into more dependable investors in and guardians of female interests. [174]

496. Morality serves women much more than men. To the extent a woman fails to live within and uphold a self-imposed strong moral code, she can expect mistreatment by men and consequent mistreatment of herself by herself. [175]

497. Women choose to ignore this benefit dealing with a man. When she repeatedly refuses their first-time sex, he honors her wishes, explores her qualities, heeds her strengths, and accepts her weaknesses. More importantly, she learns whether he’s after her or just after sex. (Details appear in posts about Virtual Virginity.) [175]

498. Women use sex to capture men for short-term benefits. Long-term relationships are thus greatly weakened. [175]

499. Men expect respect and gratitude from their woman. Her encouragement and cheering him onward and upward provides it. Nagging and criticism nullify it. [175]

500. Women yield first time sex to men who threaten to leave. Whether a man bluffs or not, if she yields he loses respect for her. Next step: Dumped. He followed his nature and she abandoned hers. [175]

 

2076. Show Him Respect, Gratitude, Dependence

Miss Gina and Cinnamon at post 2074 asked for an expansion on this subject.

How to show appreciation, respect, gratitude, and dependence to her man? A dozen ways follow. But first a few pointers about men.

First, men appreciate unearned gifts very little and not to the extent that women expect or intend. Therefore, a woman’s intentions go largely unrequited because she measures him by female standards, expectations, and behaviors.

Second, if her man does what he expects of himself out of duty or responsibility, any gift doesn’t count for much. It includes ‘thank you’, which is too routine, unneeded, and lacks significance to him. He didn’t earn anything; he had to do it because it was his job, responsibility, custom, or habit.

Third, three examples of outcomes: He mows the grass regularly and after each she responds in one of three ways. 1) She says thank you in passing if at all, and he shrugs. 2) She says thank you while face to face, eyeball to eyeball, and he says okay. 3) She hands him a towel to wipe the sweat, leads him to his favorite seat, says sit, gets him a beer and chips, sits in front and smiles freshly, and acts as though he’s in armor and sitting a white horse. (Obviously hyperbolic but you get the drift. Play acting to some extent? Yes, but the actions stimulate the self-fulfilling prophecy affirmatively. He can’t miss her message. She appreciates him even more than what he does.)

Why doesn’t he appreciate the first two outcomes? Because he doesn’t think he earned anything; just did what he’s supposed to do. Another duty isn’t a big deal; he does it regularly and more for himself than her. Hence, he doesn’t convert her intentions into respect, gratitude, or dependence. She may intend it but her message doesn’t get though.

Now, consider the third option. Does he feel appreciated? Well, that’s good enough. That’s what a wife is supposed to do. She recognizes his worth, which just confirms his expectations. So all is well, grass is mown, and beer is cold. He’s satisfied and can begin preparing his thoughts in order to win tomorrow’s battles. Therefore, he’s either respected, she’s grateful for him, or she depends on him or all of the above. In any event, he sees that she appreciates him AND what he just did.

Now, the real question for you ladies is this. Do you want to be pleased with mown grass or a pleased husband? Which is more important to you? If he’s just pleasing himself, he can get any woman to say thank you. Men like to rescue women in distress because her rewards are unique, different, and not routine. Even a stranger’s thank you is unique since it comes from a different face. Where’s your uniqueness? Your dedication to who he is rather than just what he does? You should recognize that he likes to accomplish things that bring satisfaction before you even think to show appreciation.

Here are specific ways to show appreciation, respect, gratefulness, and dependence and confirm it routinely. Show that you’re grateful for him, which means that you’re also important to him, which means that his feedback is likely to be more favorable to you.

1. In the company of a woman, regardless of subject, a man expects her to listen to him. Take away her ears—disinterest, distractions, distance in comprehension—and you take away his interest in her.
2. Show respect for his ability to think by gently nudging him to clarify things a little more. Not too much though; you don’t want to outshine him on subjects over which he thinks he has mastery.
3. From time to time remind him how you admired him in courtship. Even mention a few small things that made you choose him.
4. Pay attention when he speaks. Listen closely until you can comment in ways that signal you heard him. Not to pass a direct compliment but an indirect one; that you think he knows what he’s talking about. IOW, exchange thoughts without causing disagreement.
5. Find other ways to show gratitude without saying thank you for his doing things that he considers duty or responsibility. Indirectness is best and actions are better than words. He values more highly what he sees, just as she values more highly what she hears.
6. Stare at him sometimes with a big smile. When he asks what, smile bigger say nothing, but maybe nod your head favorably and change the subject pleasantly or wander away as if enthralled by his presence. He can see that his presence makes you happy.
7. When you’re awaiting a response or on something to happen, do it patiently and lean against his shoulder while you wait. Make it routine but not bothersome to him. Gently, just ‘touching base’ while you wait.
8. Every day make it a habit to identify and tell him about one thing for which you are grateful for him or what he does. Just out of the clear for no apparent reason.
9. You can shift more easily from work to home than he. So, don’t rattle and prattle all of your day events until you’ve given him time to unwind, shift his thoughts from work to home, and turn to you for attention.
10. Don’t pry into his business. Inquire innocently and be grateful for whatever he shares. It’s not you. His competitive spirit keep him from exposing anything that can be used against him. It’s instinctive. (Oh, you love him and you never would do that, right? How about this? He suggests that he’s up for a pay raise. Weeks pass. No raise. You nag. No raise. After awhile you suspect something is wrong. You nag for him to approach his boss. He doesn’t. You fuss and then tire of fussing. You hold it against him. In effect, you disrespect him to handle it. You’re not grateful for him because he won’t fight for himself as you think he should. You depend less on him because your mind has already decided what will be done with the extra money. And you say you’d never use such information against him? In this scenario, how respectful have you been? Grateful for his actions? Dependent on his judgment?)
11. He’s not the multi-tasker that you are. Cut him some slack. Show gratitude for what he does rather than what you can do or do better.
12. And it’s still my favorite. No doubt because I coined it. “Men are never more handsome than when they please their wife/lady/friend/lover (vary the options). Make it as routine as thank you has been for so many years and with such little effect on men.

In the end, his happiness in the home is shaped mostly by her attitude, sense of happiness, and pleasant demeanor toward him. With those in place, all’s right with his world—or at least that’s the way he’s made at birth.