2264. Compatibility Axioms #881-890

881. On separation or divorce, the key issue isn’t love but respect. Any successful recovery depends on his learning to respect her more than before, which means she has to earn respect she didn’t have before.

882. Her strategy of virtual virginity shifts and keeps all his attention focused on her. Automatically, it puts the man in his natural role of proving himself worthy of her.  [294]

883. Virtual virginity gives a woman time to impose her values and blend her relationship into a joint effort, because he’s willing to listen as he searches for her weaknesses to facilitate conquest. Ditto for an ex trying to reunite. [294]

884. If they separate or divorce and she wants him back, only virtual virginity works to her advantage. If they have sex anytime for any reason, he will not change and she will not earn more respect. [294]

885. Dealing with a separated or divorced ex, virtual virginity sets them up such that he has to conquer her again. Men will change to earn conquest but conqueror’s right stops further change.

886. If he really, truly, emphatically wants back his ex, he will change into a different man if she refuses sex until remarriage. Otherwise, he will just plead with wordy promises without changing himself to meet her expectations. [294]

887. Conquering a virgin is the ultimate, but not as women think. He’s first among his buds. It pads both ego and bragging rights.

888. This springs from adolescent thinking: If he conquers a true virgin superstar, his significance among peers skyrockets. First for conquest, second for having the independence to dump her. [294]

889. To the smarter woman, Mr. GoodEnough still isn’t good enough. She should not be convinced that he’s worthy of her until the honeymoon. Only then should she stop competing with him.

890. It’s relationship maintenance gone awry; blame or expect him to resolve whatever ails their two-way relationship. This doesn’t mean that he’s not due some blame, just that treating him as such is counterproductive. [298]

520. Exes with Benefits? — III

After a breakup, if she wants him back, she lets him work on his own mind and heart. Chastity triggers it like nothing else can. Some additional thoughts:

·        What should be free no longer is. It drives little boys crazy. Men can be little boys grown tall.

·        He has trouble believing that she’s not a pushover. So, he makes mistakes that offend her. He hasn’t changed. His mistakes strengthen her resolve. No benefits unless he marries her will eventually sink in.

·        Her resolution strengthens her. Ever mindful of how to hit her hot buttons, he fails, and she earns new respect that grows to admiration after a while.

·        Newfound admiration reminds of former times and tends to rekindles his residual love.

·        Denied sex, ego motivates him to prove his charm and worth and win her once again. She can then decide on the merits of his earnestness and his newly developed worthiness.

·        If chastity pushes him away and he shows no interest, he demonstrates unwillingness to accept her standards and expectations. She wins, because he refuses to be different from whatever he was before breakup; she dodged another mistake with him.

·        She also wins if chastity keeps him returning to associate with her. He slips back into his natural hunter-conqueror role. This means that he once again tries to woo and win her. Perhaps only for sex, but that’s always the starter.

·        Greater respect for her and admiration for her chasteness will haunt him to conquer again. Not that he’ll come back to her, but the failure will haunt him. He can’t grasp that he can’t go where he’s been so many times before.

·        The longer she remains chaste with him, the greater his interest in teaming back up with her. Time works for her, because chastity inspires his curiosity, which fires up his imagination to conquer, which fires up his ego to try over and over until he’s victorious. (The past still haunts: From the instant they met, it was a mind game for dominance of her sexual assets.)

Let me close with this reminder. Einstein claimed “Imagination is more important than knowledge.” She has tremendous power to stir a man’s curiosity with other than sex. His imagination can’t leave her mystery alone, if he can’t conquer or re-conquer her.

So much for exes. This series ends here—at least for now.

516. Exes with Benefits? — II

The lead article in this series introduced the subject of sex after breakup and how to reconcile successfully, should she ever desire it.

Chastity with an ex makes her the driver and him the passenger. It reenergizes his natural drive to conquer and squeezes it beneath her commitment to serve herself with abstinence.

Under such pressures, his renewed respect can redound to new love. But whether it does or not and regardless of final outcome, she wins and he loses.

If she might want him back, or just wants to test to see if he’s worthy, she works on herself in such a way that he works on himself:

©     She commits and accepts him only for a platonic friendship and courtship. This silhouettes her chastity and honors her self-respect, both of which men respect.

©     She finds moral reasons to remain chaste and reinforces such reasons continually to herself.

©     She stamps out any lingering bitterness in herself and finds ways to kill any bitterness he may have.

©     She forgives his past offenses, and it includes forgetting them.

©     She knows that to explain herself shifts the advantage back to him. She doesn’t complain and doesn’t explain about withholding sex. It’s just the way she is NOW. One exception: next.

©     When pushed, she acknowledges that she’s saving herself for first or next husband, whoever it may be. No hurry. Ex may qualify, but who knows at this time. That’s all ex should know, because that’s all she should be committed to.

©     If ex wants to qualify as husband, let him try. Fewer words by her convince more easily, because rejection speaks so loudly.

©     Her chasteness becomes believable and valuable when he concludes that other men also run into her new commitment to abstinence.

©     Unless incompatibilities intrude such as bitterness, saving herself for another man eats at him. This induces change in men worth their salt.

 Never foolproof, but chastity works better than anything else to change the male mind.

463. The high cost of cheap sex — 16

Who gets dumped the most? Women with none, few, or many sex partners? How many times has she become ex-girlfriend, -lover, -wife? The root cause? Sex made easy, cheap, or both!

Women try to use sex to shape a man’s thinking. But, they ignore that men don’t change as easily as they identify and disrespect the easy mark, desperate female, or booty candidate.

If men get by with it, the masculine pursuit of more and cheaper sex devalues whatever respect that ardent femininity naturally breathes into relationships and standardizes into cultural values.

Women pursue masculine-style sexual freedom to please themselves. This makes society become more male-centered, less family-centered, and leaves women and children to roast on the scorching coals of male self-absorption. The fallout weakens female gender influence over life, home, children, and culture.

Promises exchanged in response to infatuation, lust, and love require mutual dependency within a couple. Time and future relationship growth confirm devotion, earnestness of promises, and strength of commitment that undergird dependency.

Unfortunately, erotic trophies and hunks constantly lure partners and weaken mutual dependency. Breakup moves her into the ex- lane, where sex is even easier and cheaper and the chance increases of again becoming an ex-.

And how does cheap and easy serve females?

352. Nature Trumps Psychobabble

What people really believe, they practice and live out. Every female’s belief system determines whether she succeeds living with a man. Following are five examples that Nature decides contrary to what modern women have chosen to believe.

·     Males and females differ. Feminist theory and dogma can’t contradict what God designed and Nature provides.

·     Organizations with two equal bosses ultimately collapse in favor of one, the other, or neither. If he can rule the roost, she can learn to rule the rooster. If she must rule the roost, he will find another hen. It’s Nature more than her.

·     She says, “I can do it all,” but the female nature itself prevents her getting it all—by herself, that is.

·     Women expect to enjoy pre-marital sex without becoming his ex, but every day against their wishes Nature delivers more female exes.

·     Females expect that male adoration should follow feminist behavior. It’s the females’ due. However, Nature insists and reminds daily—for those looking hard enough—that male adoration flows toward the brand of extreme femaleness known as femininity.

Nature has much more to do with relationship success than what many women believe should determine success.

 

308. Do women know jack about Jack? —Part 18

♂?  The male nature tends to take a female for granted. Using the virtual virginity strategy prevents her being taken for granted before marriage. Ensuring that his devotion goes beyond mere commitment minimizes her being taken for granted after marriage. Does he like, love, or cherish her? Without the latter, relationships easily shatter.

♂?  A man dumps his wife of many years for a trophy. He seeks to start over and build a new kind of marriage. He seeks a new sense of significance, which he lost with his ex. He now knows how to do it and can raise a new child. Especially with a mother young enough to provide most of the care and submit to his dominance more pleasantly and less challengingly.

♂?  The longer she puts off having sex with him, the greater her worthiness to be his wife for life—as he sees it. Men will deny that, of course, but her refusals in spite of his maximum effort register as greater respect for her deep inside him.

♂?  Men escape being parented when they leave their childhood home. They won’t accept it by a wife and especially not in front of others.

♂?  Men are more likely to take relationships for granted than their women. Relationship just is what it is. It needs no active maintenance. That’s his nature.

[More jack about Jack appears in posts 292, 274, 249, 232, 217, 202, 185, 172, 162, 153, 142, 135, 132, 114, 97, 91, and 7. You’ll get close if you scroll down or search by the number with a dot and space following.]

278. Female malpractice — Part 8

Feminists popularized complaints about men. This one pressures women into wifely malpractice: ‘A woman’s work is never done’.

First, work-never-ends is the woman’s natural state. She needs a brighter future. She feels compelled to make it so through corrections and improvements.

Second, everything needs care, requires time, or must be made better. But those ‘everythings’ interfere with each other: job, housework, kids, step kids, husband, parents, and maybe even an ex. 

Third, she focuses more on the bad in others than the good around her. Complaints erode her gratefulness, and lack of gratitude erodes her happiness. The ‘everythings’ worsen.

Fourth, she can attack her misery by stopping malpractice in the home. For example:

·        Expecting too much of herself and others.

·        Living her life vicariously through kids.

·        Supervising kids beyond their maturity, hovering as helo mom.

·        Parenting her husband, especially as an intolerable ‘nagatha’.

·        Striving for perfection at work or home.

·        Equalizing domestic and childcare workloads with husband. (Sharing is possible, equality is not. Endless squabbles and resentments are easy.)

·        Letting kids escape responsibility for housework and domestic tranquility.

·        Failing to anticipate family squabbles that lead to further disruptions.

·        Bossing instead of negotiating with husband. (She and not him is the relationship expert.)

·        Bossing kids angrily. Stirring passions unnecessarily, including her own.

·        Letting kids see mom-dad disputes, arguments, fights.  

Malpractice adds burdens, but better choices can be made.

[More about female malpractice appears in posts 236, 221, 206, 189, 175, 164, and 150. Scroll down or search for the number with a dot and space following it.]

259. Sex and the fickle girl — Part 12

♀ A woman’s soft-hearted nature should be reserved for husband and kids. Relying on it during dating and courtship makes her vulnerable to join her sisters in the ex lane.

♀ When a hottie becomes haughty, she might as well be a nottie—after conquest, that is.

♀ Expectant mothers duplicate tee-shirted, pot-bellied men, which drives expectant father’s eyeballs to every attractive female within sight.

♀ He cheats on her, so she cheats on him. The former hurts her, the latter terminates their relationship.

♀ Women abandon femininity, modesty, high moral standards, and other female strengths just to have a boyfriend or husband they can’t keep.

♀ It’s self-fulfilling: A wife blames husband for his faults. Accused men resist change and defend themselves by disproving the evidence presented. In her eyes, his resistance makes her see his faults as her failure to correct him. Her failures turn him toward inadequacy. It started with her accepting him with faults she could not stand.

♀ Behind each ex there’s an inadequate man. He’s either dumper or dumpee. Yet, she chose him with inadequate qualifications, and her choices will always determine her outcomes.

♀ Short-term romantic love seduces women into ignoring the need for her man’s respect. Hence, when romantic love fades in a year or two, his respect for her is not enough to fuel his long-term enduring love.

[More about sex and fickle females appears in posts 246, 229, 216, 201, 184, 170, 160, 148, 137, 93, and 34. Scroll down or search by the number followed by a dot and space.]