659. Quips from Mrs. Guy — #2

• Happy moments, praise God
  Difficult moments, seek God
  Quiet moments, worship God
  Painful moments, trust God
  Every moment, thank God  (source unknown)
• Dorothy Parker had it wrong: Men DO make passes at girls who wear glasses.
• Home is where you grumble the most and are treated the best.
• A wife is a reflection of her husband.
• We became ‘rich’ when I learned to live within a budget, but that’s another story.
• Fail to plan and you plan to fail. Budgeting is planning that prevents having to say, “The check’s in the mail”.
• Women take offense when referred to as a girl, but it implies she’s younger than reality.
• Necessity may be the mother of invention, but frustration is the father.
• Mature men respect ladies and girls more than just women. Ladylike actions induce masculine respect. Women perceived by men as ‘girls’ seem more dependent and in need of a man, which tends to generate masculine respect. Women seem less dependent and, therefore less in need of a man. Womyn earns no respect.

524. The ABCs with Marriage in Mind — II

The following concludes the sequence about compatible drives, needs, wants, fears, and time focus. (Drives and needs in article 521.)

Wants:

·        He wants to keep his freedom and independence, so he can be more effective and satisfied in society and workplace. Harmonious conditions at home, whether generated by himself alone or with a mate, provide encouragement.

·        She wants NOT to be alone all the time and seeks to avoid risk about it. So she wants a man devoted to her alone. He brings extra blessings of support, comfort, companionship, reassurance, encouragement, and help with whatever surprises, confuses, or ails her.     

Fears:

·        He fears insignificance. A mate adds to and he expects her to sustain and help expand his significance. When she ceases to do so, she becomes expendable.

·        She fears abandonment, which makes a fearful woman get hung up on commitment instead of awaiting devotion to develop. In the process of confirming mutual commitment, she undermines his sense of significance. (As he senses it, not as she does it.)

Time-focus:

·        The male and female natures are perfectly compatible for fashioning and prioritizing a couple’s life together. He specializes on short-range planning and dealing with immediate pressures. He’s quick to act, react, and prepare for tomorrow.

·        She specializes in sensing, identifying, classifying, and imagining pressures facing their future. When they compatibly share mutual strengths, he determines action called for today. She stays tuned to the future now modified by whatever action they took.

I know my answer. Considering their drive, need, wants, fears, and time focus, which sex has the greatest flexibility to build and sustain relationship compatibility? Who’s best able to apply the grease of tact and smoothly mesh the gears of life?

521. The ABCs with Marriage in Mind — I

The following pressures result from the primal urges described in articles 511, 514, and 517:

Drive:

·        He’s basically a competitor, which energizes his spirit to conquer new females. It’s a different motivational force than his regular sex drive. Pride more than orgasm crowns the conqueror’s emotions. He undergoes a release. Mission accomplished! But, and it’s a big BUT for her: He inherits conqueror’s rights at least to sex if nothing else.

·        She’s basically a relationship builder and nester. Coitus tends to bond her, and it can seal her half of the deal to keep a man. However, the more meaningful she makes his conquest by delaying it, the more intense her bonding through holding, caressing, and petting, and the more time made available for his devotion to develop.

Need:

·        He needs a place to flop, eat, throw his things, and prep for his challenges tomorrow. As with sex, he only needs a place to flop. He can feed himself but wishes for more efficiency, so he can better deal with what tomorrow holds. Sex conveniently consummated with mate refuels his energy fires. Harmonious sexual relations crown his hut as castle, crown his head as king, and provide reasons to guard his domain against outsiders.

·        She needs a brighter future and reason to have sex. She’s willing to cooperate, if prospects are favorable. Providing home and sex to a man promises brightness for her, but it takes more to keep him with her.

More follows about a couple’s wants, fears, and time focus in article 525.

410. KEEPERS FOR KEEPERS—Assortment 7

Some nuggets, just like a good mate, are keepers.

☼ A man’s dedication to legal, moral, or religious principles overpowers his natural urge to hunt and conquer or just seek somebody younger. [17]  

☼ A woman’s ego restricts her from treating him as king, because she’s driven naturally to dominate her nest and their home. [4]

☼ Cheap sex teaches men that relationships are, and of masculine right should be, temporary. [8]

☼ Devotion lasts, commitment may not. [13]

☼ Enduring love, the kind that lasts forever, is neither spontaneous nor easily terminated. [17]

☼ Feminism unleashes the savage male beast. Femininity tames it. [1]

☼ Her immodesty and lack of self-restraint endorses the man’s game of wham, bam, thank you, mam. [12]

☼ If shack up or marry up is not the man’s idea, then he will not long honor whatever relationship arrangement he enters. [7]

☼ Men can be intuitive too. When she thinks he deserves her criticism, he instinctively disagrees. [17]

☼ If she does not slow him to her schedule for conquest, he departs sooner or later. [17]

 

342. Ties that bind, or not! — Their needs

Self-interest motivates everyone to do what they do, but it also conflicts with what a spouse expects.

 

She needs a brighter future for her family. Mature women exploit their relationship expertise. They work for stable security and promote family development, closeness, and harmony. Immature women seek materialistic brighteners—more money, continuous shopping, unaffordable housing.

 

Those things are not that important to men. Their male nature focuses more on the present than the future. Wife expects husband to respond favorably to her wishes about their future. However, it takes skill so as not to interfere with his near-term thinking, interests, and plans.

 

Mature wives focus and coach husband on building and sustaining their marriage. Immature wives pressure husband for greater effort, for more and better of whatever he does. (When he never measures up, it sends loud messages that he’s inadequate and may even be insignificant.)

 

His needs are far simpler than hers. He only needs a place to flop, eat, throw his things, and prepare for tomorrow’s ‘battles’.

 

Such a place is easy to come by elsewhere. Consequently, in marriage he expects fun and comfort to compensate for loss of independence.

 

It’s her home to build and dominate. When she does it well, it’s a castle to him.

 

Tradeoffs leads to cooperation—good! Disrespect for their opposing natures leads to competition—ungood!

279. What daughters never hear — Section 7

Dear Daughter,

♂2♀  If you accept being embarrassed when with men or a man, you misuse and will lose one of your greatest strengths—female modesty.

♂2♀  If you tolerate immoral behavior in a man, don’t expect his strength of character to help fulfill your feminine hopes and dreams.  

♂2♀  Your failed marriage boils down to this: You chose the wrong man, tried to change him into Mr. Right, and changed yourself into a woman different than the one he married.

♂2♀  You can expect disputes and should neutralize these sex differences when creating a home together: To you, décor and fashion take priority. To him, functionality makes much more sense.

♂2♀  You seek to be in charge of your future. Best bet calls for bonding with a man spiritually and devotedly before sexually. Why? Sex doesn’t bond men. Spirituality tames masculine aggressiveness and imposes family responsibility. Devotion to one woman seals his side of friendship and permanence. 

♂2♀  Romantic love brings together and bonds couples. Before it fades in a year or two, a myriad of little negative things can slow and even prevent enduring love from ever forming.

♂2♀  You can focus on the big things that hold a couple together—love, friendship, commitment. However, you’ll do better to focus on avoiding, quieting, and suppressing the little unacceptable irritants, fixations, and habits that slowly shred love into bits and pieces.

[More that daughters never hear are listed in the CONTENTS page at blog top.]

278. Female malpractice — Part 8

Feminists popularized complaints about men. This one pressures women into wifely malpractice: ‘A woman’s work is never done’.

First, work-never-ends is the woman’s natural state. She needs a brighter future. She feels compelled to make it so through corrections and improvements.

Second, everything needs care, requires time, or must be made better. But those ‘everythings’ interfere with each other: job, housework, kids, step kids, husband, parents, and maybe even an ex. 

Third, she focuses more on the bad in others than the good around her. Complaints erode her gratefulness, and lack of gratitude erodes her happiness. The ‘everythings’ worsen.

Fourth, she can attack her misery by stopping malpractice in the home. For example:

·        Expecting too much of herself and others.

·        Living her life vicariously through kids.

·        Supervising kids beyond their maturity, hovering as helo mom.

·        Parenting her husband, especially as an intolerable ‘nagatha’.

·        Striving for perfection at work or home.

·        Equalizing domestic and childcare workloads with husband. (Sharing is possible, equality is not. Endless squabbles and resentments are easy.)

·        Letting kids escape responsibility for housework and domestic tranquility.

·        Failing to anticipate family squabbles that lead to further disruptions.

·        Bossing instead of negotiating with husband. (She and not him is the relationship expert.)

·        Bossing kids angrily. Stirring passions unnecessarily, including her own.

·        Letting kids see mom-dad disputes, arguments, fights.  

Malpractice adds burdens, but better choices can be made.

[More about female malpractice appears in posts 236, 221, 206, 189, 175, 164, and 150. Scroll down or search for the number with a dot and space following it.]

264. From feminine mystique to feminist mistakes—Part 5

Allow me to personalize the male and female natures as Manhood and Womanhood. I wish to describe traditional America before the 1960s.

Womanhood capitalized on male dominance instead of tearing it down. She supported Manhood’s dominance of society (what people do), while she took over dominance of the culture (why people do it).

Womanhood’s goal: One reliable man to help fulfill her dreams for nesting, nurturing, and nestling with loved ones. She sought stable marriage and family. She convinced Manhood to provide the wherewithal and do the hard labor. In return, she rewarded his husbanding and fathering.

She gained status and added personal stature by making herself very different and highly unique. She capitalized on gender differences and exploited the female nature. Her character was shaped around feminine mystique, female modesty, moral standards, marriage, monogamy, manners, virginity, virtual virginity, soft-heartedness inside and hard-headedness outside of marriage,  and whatever else would distinguish her from Manhood.

She taught daughters to mature first, love next, leave sex to marriage, and uplift manliness and masculinity as the way to fulfill female hopes and dreams.

In the process she earned Manhood’s unconditional respect for the female sex. The benefits grew through the decades. Womanhood changed cultural values and the social and domestic environments in such ways that the genders respected the opposite sex more than their own (e.g., my generation).

Womanhood developed American life into a family game. She emphasized separate but equal genders with cooperative rather than competing roles. In her eyes, good character and virtuous actions overwhelmed looks, interests, and words.

For over a century, Manhood was preoccupied on the job with technological and economic advancements. He dominated workplace and society. Gradually adopting wifely-inspired and family-friendly values, however, Manhood gradually yielded dominance of home and culture.

Family dominance was a toss up, but mostly it had the appearance of husband as head, wife as neck, and children as no more than adult-hopefuls. Womanhood accepted and parlayed this truism: Perceptions are reality, and whatever appears to be, is.

Manhood bought into the lifelong married life sought by Womanhood. Family responsibility guided husbands in the workplace and society. With laws, wealth, and leadership, husbands shaped America to his wife’s vision of family-centeredness.

Mutual respect grew as husbands implemented feminine values in society. Husbands in the workplace made America more family friendly. The beginning of the end, however, arose in the 1960s.

[More on old school America appears in posts 263, 238, 218, and 204 below. Scroll down or search by the number with dot and space following it.]