- Feminists altered masculine competition. Nowadays, men compete with women for sex, instead of competing with men for the best woman. Three major consequences: 1) Men don’t want just one woman; they want to conquer many, and success says why stop? 2) Women are pressured away from attracting a husband to attracting a boyfriend. Thus, men don’t have to rise up to husbandly standards and easily sink to living up to boyfriend standards, which helps with their conquering urges. 3) If men can’t have a sex object of some beauty, they don’t want a wife. All three items change social pressures to make women good primarily for sex and little else of greater value. Womanly virtues thus lose their worth.
- GIRLS WIN: A girl owns her masculine surroundings, when she charms objects of her rejection such that they gain rather than lose manly dignity. No one teaches girls this vital lesson for taming boys and men: Practice until she learns to treat every male the same. Show no favorites, because respect and mystery flow from her ability to do that. Accept it as appropriate for all boys to hit on her, but let them see nothing but female independence, feminine charm, and risk of losing her pleasant acceptance for anyone who even hints at sex with her. Also, discourage those boys most unattractive to girls with an appealing and appreciated special charm. As to boys and men with whom she has an interest, she’s only as worthy as the challenges up to which they must rise to gain her attention, hold her interest, and patiently await her intent to much later express her affection. When girls do that, as women they can handle any man in any circumstance and do it to her advantage.
- VIRTUE WINS: Men sense feminine virtue as close to virginity but more accurately as quality of character. An aura of virtue surrounds the woman that respects the male gender, likes herself as female, adheres to uniquely feminine standards, makes herself modestly and even mysteriously attractive to men, and shows gratefulness for her life and all in it. Such virtue makes her respectable and likeable and thus marry-able (aka the ultimate virtue). However, men base final judgment to marry on the perception of other men missing out on sex with her. Consequently, it takes virtual virginity to generate feminine virtue sufficient for proposals of marriage.
- Virtual virginity is her strategy. To her it means that a man must work and earn the next opening in her bed. That is, pay her commitment price to ignore her sexual history, please her ego, and be seen as having promise to fulfill her hopes and dreams. And even that may not be enough. Without mentioning it as a requirement, wiser women may insist to themselves on marriage.
2483. Friendly Reminders — 02
Filed under courtship, Dear daughter, feminine, marriage
What Women Never Hear 
I see this so much clearer now, thanks Sir Guy! Here’s hoping and praying I have a shot at using all of the hard won knowledge!
“Nowadays, men compete with women for sex, instead of competing with men for the best woman.”
Ah, beautiful! It’s really very pleasant and satisfying when men and women can get into that mindset, even if only in a metaphorical context. In marriage of course it is different, men are literally competing for the best woman or they have already won you, but out in the world too, in friendships and other relationships, this is a great attitude to have. Men enjoy a bit of competition and women enjoy being fought for. When we work within our own biology, it tends to make us happier, it’s more natural.
A couple of older gentleman had a little spat over who got to bring me a cup of coffee the other day. It was funny, charming, and actually had me blushing. Light hearted, fun, playful, it doesn’t get any better than that.
Dear Sir Guy,
Love this!
This seems an appropriate place to ask the following question: How best should a married lady handle long, rude and crude leering stares…at church, of all places? The current culprits are two low types (literally homeless, I think…not the down-on-their luck sort, but the gimme-handouts-homeless-lifestyle type that latch on to some in the church who seem to think they can “help”). I don’t look for help from pastors anymore after previous go-rounds that went nowhere and even backfired in blame on me at other churches (this church seems better, but seems easier to just handle personally). I dress modestly though attractively and do not flirt, treating all men equally as you suggest with friendly but reserved greetings and conversation. Don’t think I’ve ever spoken to this new pair, though.
Husband got up and nearly said something to them last time, but he told me it would probably be more effective for a woman (me) to shame them than for him to say something (he’s not one to back down, either..I don’t think he was shirking). He suggested I ask them rather loudly next time whether anyone had ever taught them that it’s rude to stare. I thought it might be beneficial to do this within earshot of one of the ministers (all male on staff)…Thought it might be a good indirect wakeup call that these particular ministers might even get a chuckle out of, but have not asked hubby about that part yet…With or without pastoral ears, I have no problem doing this, but wanted your thoughts, suggestions, etc. Also, would one handle a man the same way if he appears respectable to others but leers like a lowlife? (I have handled ones who weren’t as bad and had a conscience just fine by indirect actions…but the “super respectable” one I dealt with in the past ended up with the pastor’s wife.)
Your Highness Miss Gina,
I favor the most ladylike reaction, none. Feminists like to express disdain for those who would offend, but lady’s didn’t use to.
I suggest you totally ignore them. No eye contact or recognize you heard them. If they comment, act as if it’s aimed at someone else. With hubby alongside, they won’t touch you or anything like that. If a stare-down is needed, let hubby do it without saying anything. You’re in church where everyone supposedly loves everyone else, so we often have to fake it in the hope that someday we’ll make it.
If you just have to say something, you might consider this: Stare them down with a smile as you say, “God loves you, but it’s sure hard for the rest of us.”
Guy
Thank you, Sir Guy. These are criminal types I’m speaking of. As a matter of fact, I sometimes visit the downtown church mentioned above alone and park on the street (not at night, though!). I was a bit concerned that a previous creepy pair of men at the same church might follow me to my car, because they followed me around, even with hubby there!…but they have not been back. I am hoping to discourage similar behavior by this new pair of leering creeps. I never saw this type hanging out in church in previous places where I’ve lived, but where I live now, it seems to be a common thing for churches to have these ex-con hangers-on, and I find it very dangerous. (An ex-con from a church we attended ran away recently with an older gentleman’s wife (a lady very susceptible to manipulation). They left the poor husband alone in a nursing home and bought a home in another state with his money…turns out the ex-con had harassed many women in the church, but none of them except me had said anything to the pastor. I have concerns for the woman’s safety). I have left behind the churches that hug at the greeting time, because some of the men try to cop a feel when hubby is away on business travel…or serving as usher…or on the other side of the room…If forced to visit such a church, I use that time to visit the ladies’ room or stand in the center of a group of ladies. This is not some kind of bragging; I am certain other ladies have had similar experiences, whether with ex-cons or just regular creeps. By far, most men in church are decent and gentlemanly, on the surface, at least…I am all for ignoring minor infractions and giving anyone a second chance…one of the most gentlemanly, humble, and godly men I know served 25 years in prison…but there needs to be visible fruit in a person’s life for said chance. Ahem…this seems to have turned into a bit of a speech. Anyway, even my husband is shocked at what some men are doing in church these days…I am generally a very positive and easygoing person, but I find dealing with such things in a place where women should be safe quite tiresome.
Your Highness Miss Gina,
Even hardened criminals respect tough ladies, those who display themselves as bigger than their environment, can face up to tough guys without flinching, live up to something or someone bigger than themselves, and accept others as if they are gifts from God but never verbalize any of it. A strong, silent, unshakeable lady goes a long way with silence and stares—and smiles when she gets her way—to dominate a situation among undisciplined guys.
Don’t let them know what you think; dump the figuring into their imagination so they conclude they don’t want to disappoint such a pretty woman.
Since you don’t move on to another church with less offensive characters in the congregation, I presume you have a goal to turn criminals into good citizens. If that’s the case, another strategy may work better. Let me know.
Guy
MIss Gina, i believe you.
i have always tried to handle it exactly as Sir Guy has suggested. i am not married and most times i am flattered but sometimes, especially when married men do it, i feel very uncomfortable because their wives sense it and they end up being upset with me instead of calling their husbands to order. the struggle is real my dear and no, you are not bragging. i also dress VERY modestly but attractively and i am aware of the effect it has on men but i never use it to attract the married men. the modest dress becomes an attraction hazard by default.
Your Highness Gonemaverick,
To escape your uncomfortable feelings with married men, may I suggest you take more control, which always eases discomfort. Whatever they propose, even if it’s just to chat you up, say to them. “I’m not comfortable. Can we get your wife’s permission to do this?”
If they respond with she’s not here or she doesn’t care, just dismiss yourself with “Well, maybe next time” and walk away or turn to others nearby.
The one in control determines the outcome. Men usually expect to maintain control, but they can be easily disappointed. When women do it pleasantly as if they are not disturbed, they earn respect. And it helps self-respect too.
Guy