31. Clear the air before it needs cleaning. As a prospective bride, work out a contract with your prospective mother-in-law. First, pleasantly and respectfully seek her permission to ‘take away’ her little boy. Make sure mother approves of you as son’s bride. (If she doesn’t, it’s another ballgame for discussion elsewhere.) After getting her approval, get approval on this second step. I ask that you never complain to him about me. If you think ill of me in any regard, please let me know and give me a chance to rectify it before you involve him. Our marriage won’t work unless he’s out of the middle between you and me. By the same token, I can’t and won’t dump my problems with him in your lap. We women can work things out best all by ourselves. He’s totally my problem if you totally give him up.
32. Regarding his responsibility of producing, protecting, providing, and problem solving, wife has one primary role: encourage, support, praise, respect, appreciate, and crown his effort with whatever forms of glory she can find that makes him like himself. Be honest, don’t overdo it, and focus on his accomplishments rather than his treatment of her. (It doesn’t mean she yields up her dignity. She doesn’t water down her standards, expectations, or principles. She makes what he needs merge amicably with who and what she is as his wife. By confirming his importance for his accomplishments, she becomes more likeable to him, which grows his love of her.)
33. About his job, she knows nothing but what he tells her, which has a strong bias to make him look good or others to look poorly. She should not advise him how to handle conditions at his workplace. He knows best even when confused. For her to interfere is to show she thinks him inadequate. Furthermore, she can’t know both sides of the politics. Her advice or expectations for him could easily put him in the wrong if he heeds her biased and incomplete interpretations.
34. When he stumbles, falls, or fails either physically, mentally, or financially, don’t pick him up. Provide the necessary health care but not recovery fare. Smile, generate fun to divert his attention, make yourself likeable about other matters, encourage his picking himself up, give him hope, keep sympathy to yourself, and otherwise enable him to escape his indignities by himself. That way, he thinks only he recognizes the indignities. It makes him grateful that you don’t see him as a failure but only as a ‘recoverer’ or admired survivor.
35. Enable your children to self-develop. Guide their father into helping with the process. Of course, guide, lead, admonish, and discipline them. But do the least possible to avoid de-motivating them. There is no such thing as motivation, there is only self-motivation—and it begins in toddlerhood, which is how and why children are self-developers. Turn them away from self-development and they respond as problem children.
36. Women can trust someone without respecting them. Men can’t or won’t; they insist that their respect for someone be earned. If you can’t or don’t respect your man, you can expect that he thinks you don’t trust him, which comes back in the form of his not respecting you, which is the foundation of a man’s love. So, lack of respect for your man almost guarantees that his love will weaken or worse, which comes from your being less likeable because he doesn’t feel as good about himself as previously.
37. If he shows signs of undue jealousy or mistrust of you, it reflects his conviction that men cheat and, therefore, women must cheat as easily. He’s ill informed about that connection, but many men believe it. It does not mean that he cheats or intends to cheat and, in fact, could very well mean that he is faithful but is wary that you might cheat—modern women have made it fairly common, it would seem. So, don’t distrust him just because he seems to suspect you intermittently. Let him see no actions that make him suspect you, and don’t blame him until proof is very evident that he cheated.
38. He likes to be direct and expects you to be the same. However, your nature advises indirectness, because it makes you more flexible and influential. So, you have the tougher task of avoiding directness when he expects it most and you can least afford to provide it. That horse is difficult to stay astraddle when trying to jump over bigger disagreements.
39. Once he conquers you, your appearance is not nearly as irresistible. The hot-stuff season of romantic love fades in a year or two. During that time it’s up to you to develop the attractions that tease his curiosity and spur his imagination to picture getting into bed with you rather than others. Without your planting that picture in his heart, his curiosity and imagination go neutral about you.
40. Never reject him for sex. Instead, just use this claim: I really don’t feel like it now. Can you please accommodate my wishes? Resist nicely and pleasantly as if he owns you. Then follow his lead. Also, don’t use the claim falsely or it means nothing in the future except to anger him. He gave up his independence for you; you owe him everything that he desires because he deserves it. (Of course you can argue it isn’t fair; I’m just reporting how his nature responds to conqueror’s right that guides his thoughts about sex. You won him for however you use him and whatever you can get out of him; that’s a lot. He conquered you expecting to have his sexual urges satisfied frequently and conveniently. That, by comparison, isn’t much. If you’re too frequently unavailable, he did a lousy job by choosing you. You won’t sleep well if that thought preoccupies his mind.)