I define love as what holds them together as a couple. With her it’s emotional connections, obligations, and behaviors. With him, well…we’ll see.
I purposely bypass the importance of her attractiveness or the rest doesn’t happen. Also, I bypass the consequences of conquest as it may or may not affect the following.
A woman identifies the evident or imagined commitment and devotion of a man as his love of her. Men act differently. Not that her love isn’t appreciated, but manly love isn’t like female expressions of it.
A man identifies a woman’s love of him as the reciprocal of his love of her; it initiates in his heart and develops mutually or it isn’t love to him. His love is her likeability to him and his loyalty to her; plus his likeability to her and her loyalty to him. To his logical and reasoning mind, without reciprocity it isn’t his love. Also, he doesn’t remain in situations where his investment isn’t matched or bettered, so his love isn’t as anchored in deep emotion as that of a woman.
For a marriage to last, their mutual likeability and mutual loyalty should regularly confirm them as satisfied with their mating arrangement. It’s what a married man expects. It carries an ominous meaning for women unless they learn how to exploit their relationship expertise.
However hard and dedicated she tries, her love alone isn’t enough to sustain her marriage. It’s essential for her to show it or her love of husband fades, but it isn’t enough for him. Appreciated and perhaps honored, but not enough.
It begs the question: What else is needed? She aims her words, expressions of love, and other behaviors toward objectives that satisfy or confirm the following or at least don’t weaken or contradict them.
- Remaining likeable in his eyes.
- Keeping herself appearing loyal to him.
- Treating him as if he’s very likeable to her.
- Appreciating his loyalty to her.
All of which he should see in actions more than words. If she’s successful doing all that, he absorbs confirmation that their love is mutual and that he’s doing the right thing staying with her. Good return on investment of his independence.
Which of course begs this question: What does she get in return for her investment? Something other than separation and perhaps lifetime marital success. A better husband, which suggests she’s a better wife. Perhaps a man more enthused about family responsibility. Confirmation that her effort makes her important to their relationship. Being more easily loved and perhaps with a happier husband eager to display his affection.
The list could go on to greater satisfaction for her. She’s doing what it takes to keep her man directly involved in the mating scheme of life. It’s not likely to go wrong unless she begrudges doing what is required for success, which registers as her lack of likeability of and disloyalty to him and ends his love.
P.S. Men inherit at birth the way they love as described above. It’s up to the women in their lives—moms, chaste girls, bachelorettes, and wives—to teach them to love in ways more pleasing to women.
NOTE: There! It sounds again as if I alibi for men. No intent to do so. Just trying to figure out the truth of life. The more I figure out how men and women interact as couples, the more burdensome it seems for women. But, I’m reassured by this fact. It’s why they are the superior gender; they have all the talent, skill, and fortitude to shape their lives successfully in pursuit of their girlhood hopes and dreams. They just need to learn how to use their God-given, natural, and hormonal strengths.