Category Archives: sex differences

2828. Love is Never Enough — 08: More on the Macro Scale


Females have two forms of love, unconditional mother love and conditional love they like to share and spread among others. A woman expresses both in two ways:

1) She feels good about herself for sharing her love with someone else. It’s a selfish act designed into the female nature to ensure she learns to spread love to others. It also lingers in some women who never learn to be sincere in sharing their love with others.

A woman’s love isn’t worth very much if sharing it only makes her feel good about herself. IOW, selfishness does not lead to happy female.

2) Her expressions of love should make targets like themselves better and feel more worthwhile because of her presence in their lives. Both should benefit, men primarily from her actions, and other women primarily from her words.

She gives her love to someone else and receives the benefits of their loving or at least appreciating her in return; that is, she gives love for benefits in her life. When successful by being unselfish, she feels doubly good about herself; she gives and mostly gets much of what she wants in return. Although originally motivated by selfishness to make sure she shares her love, she learns early in life that she has greater returns on her loving investments by not being selfish.

And then she runs into this paradox of which women seem ignorant.

The paradox lives on daily and eternally. She loves whomever she loves, and it’s the result of her directly sharing her love. He loves what he owns, and her demonstrations of her love are tested against his sense of her duty to his ownership. IOW, her love has to fit in with all the other things he ‘bought’ when he married her.

Certain behaviors are contradictory to husband’s sense of her duty, and men are long on duty. Example: A wife’s yelling, blaming, criticizing, and speaking ill of him to others contradicts her words of love. If she poisons his sense of her duty, how can she keep him satisfied with himself for choosing her?

Regarding him, she loves enough of who he is and what he does to please her that he should love her too. Regarding her, he already loves who she is and what she does, or he wouldn’t be with her. She need only to not contradict it or surprise him with qualities or habits that annoy or are opposite to what he anticipated. But that’s another story.

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Filed under Dear daughter, How she loses, How she wins, marriage, sex differences

2826. Love is Never Enough — 06: Love Fades Away


The more I write about love, the more I find women uninterested. I can’t blame them. They don’t want to discover mistakes they may have made, how their heart works, or why they can’t make relationships work successfully. They gain a lot from the mystery that surrounds female love, but it’s an advantage fast disappearing in today’s world.

Unknown or unrecognized by women, female social and domestic influence is deteriorating and sliding toward greater male dominance and an inferior role for females and children. Especially domestically, where love is already shifting from playing the major to playing a minor tune for harmonizing a family. By not understanding how and why their love works, women drift into less and less influence for shaping a brighter future for themselves or ever fulfilling their girlhood hopes and dreams.

If women don’t know the effects of their love on others, they can’t find the gratefulness needed to enable their happiness in later years.

A woman’s love is a mystery to men. They accept and even enjoy it, but it’s a foreign emotion to the male nature. If mothers and teen girls don’t teach boys about love, how to accept it and gain their own advantages with it, then men live by another emotional setup. A combination of motivations where competition, mental and physical dominance, and winning are the main ingredients. Women don’t thrive very well under those conditions. It’s the road to unfriendly male dominance as can be seen in other parts of the world.

The trend for fifty years has been to multiply this effect more with each generation: By design of activists, the public loses its political power, and women lose much more than men. Why? Because love has been removed from the political equation by antagonizing men against women and their main influence, love.

With Christianity under attack, the love of women is too. You can see it in everyday America. Fewer and fewer women attend church to refresh their ability to love. A woman’s love just doesn’t mean what it used to in terms of women getting their way, getting what they want or expect, teaching boys about the need to love, and especially earning the respect of men when trying to form up as more than temporary couples.

Men don’t know or do love unless females teach them and make them like it. At post 2824 I described all love as beginning in the female heart. If it emanates there, what are the ingredients and how do they differ woman to woman? And how does love spread among men? What reflects outwardly that convinces a man to live within the boundaries of one woman’s love and even duplicate some of it in his life? What stimulates men to also love and work to a woman’s advantage? What stimulates men to have kinder hearts and be attentive, loyal, and lovable to others, such as children, neighbors, and work mates? Those functions of love are not embedded in the male nature; women put them there by example.

I for one think we need to answer such questions, if women are to understand what they are losing, which is the political influence of love. The loss of which denudes women of personal influence they need to earn male respect and face off successfully against male dominance. It’s a dribble-down effect, and what changes politically encloses the personal, especially for the physically weaker sex.

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Filed under courtship, Dear daughter, How she loses, marriage, sex differences, Sociology 101

2823. Love is Never Enough — 03: Love of Children


Theme. As they are born, love differs by sex. It originates differently, is perceived differently than intended, and the effects match neither cause nor intentions of the giver, except in childhood, that is.

Women have two kinds of love to give. Mother love is ignited by confirmation of conception and magnifies upon delivery of her first born. It is unconditional and lasts for life. (It’s also the unique motivator that matches the male’s unique motivator to conquer the next available female. Neither gender has anything else to compare in intensity, dedication, and longevity, but those two motivators are enough to perpetuate the species as God designed us. Oh, perhaps the randomness of Nature developed our species to not die off, but with only two main motivators? Two motivators that click so easily and uniquely last for life seems more design than evolution to me. )

A woman’s main form of female love flows easily from the self-love she inherits at birth and is willing to share. Usually she shares it freely, because doing so makes her feel good about herself. However, it is conditional and dependent on whomever a woman thinks deserves her affection and appreciation.* She dispenses it at her pleasure, sometimes just to feel good about herself.

Effect on men. Female love has a different effect on males depending on their age group — child, adolescent, or adult.

As a child, mother love embellishes a kid’s self-development according to her instinctive determination of need. The child’s reactions, however, differ by sex. Girls appreciate nurturing mother love, because it aids development of self-respect missing at birth; it tends to make girls defend themselves sexually and want to duplicate mother as they grow up.

Boys are another matter. Mother love expands a boy’s appreciation of himself, and tends to promote growth of self-love missing at birth; it aids his desire and development toward being more manly like his father. By sharing her conditional love after first grade, mothers wean boys off of mother love, which begins to be too nurturing and unacceptable to boys after about their sixth or seventh birthday.

As an adolescent, the nurturing nature of mother love makes it unacceptable to teens of both sexes. They assume the role of adult in miniature form and expect to succeed without nurturing assistance, unless they ask for it.

Teen girls possess the conviction that they should spread their love and likeable boys are the sweetest targets. Girls pursue boys persistently, because loving another provides the fresh realization that they are growing successfully toward womanhood. Women love men and so teen girls prepare with an early start to prove how great their love can be. It’s a premature offshoot of their instinctive adult motivation to be a good woman.

Boys do not love girls. They neither understand the females’ loving ways nor want to put up with it except as it leads to sex. Teen boys, after puberty and until they mature about age 21, are in the business of figuring out how to keep themselves satisfied with themselves as life develops around them.

Pursuit of sex with girls is a welcome sport. It’s a diversion, however, from maturing faster. Teens figure things out faster by generating success in their lives. If they find too much success bedding girls, they continue into adulthood with an adolescent mindset to keep bedding females. Physically mature, mentally adolescent.

Adolescents do not love girls, because men do not love women as women expect they do or should. IOW, male love is nowhere near identical to female love. The closest a man’s love comes to a woman’s is how he is devoted to her as admirable action figure. Teen boys are little men trying to figure out how to master a higher skill level that calls for mating up sometime with a woman. Each does so efficiently without giving up too much of himself. Meanwhile, women compete with potential mates to expand the ‘too much’ part, to make a man invest himself more deeply in order to capture and hold her heart.

The effect of female love on adult men is next.

——

*Female love includes many other warming and pleasant emotions, but for simplicity here, I let affection and appreciation stand for all the others.

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2817. Well-liked Article (#76 updated from January 2008)


Subject: Her Mushy Thinking

A woman provides easy sex before marriage. She gives away what a man expects to earn with significant investment of himself into her life. She measures her value to men by sexual availability. Poor choice! Men respect women who refuse to give away their most valuable assets; men know they wouldn’t be that dumb.

After marriage she withholds sex. For example, retaliating for her hurts, she displeases him deliberately. Whatever her reason, withholding herself weakens his sense of significance with her, which weakens his interest in her as partner or mate.

She elevates children to adult status, which demotes husband to subordinate status and moves him toward insignificance—his greatest fear.

She ignores or rejects this gem of politics and negotiation: ‘Don’t complain, don’t explain’. Instead, she unloads with everything bothering her when it bothers her, aka nagging.

She gives birth with no father in her child’s life. No presence or commitment to help. She sacrifices her child’s father-balanced future on the altar of expressing her sexual freedom to match that of men. Specifically, sex without obligation.

She tries to take more than she gives when negotiating some issue of greater importance to husband than to her. He may deserve such treatment, and she may win the battle. But their future together dims.

She makes maintaining her imperial nest more important than retaining her man.

She works these two models in reverse and wonders why she loses. In dating and courtship women are buyers and men sellers. Men prove their worth in order to earn her. In marriage, women are sellers and men buyers. She proves her worth in order to keep him.

She admires celebrities or others more than her husband. Hubby eventually comes up short, and routine celebrity worship contaminates her wifely mind for permanency with him. (Example: She can do better, he can be better.)

She vocalizes jealousy of her man’s job, hobby, or recreation. She thus primes his abandonment pump. He may be totally in the wrong. But her drumbeat hardens his determination. As the relationship expert, she has other options, but her mushy thinking thwarts her.

She expects that he will respond to stimulants just as she does. For example, guilt motivates her to do something to relieve it. Men largely ignore guilt trips placed on them and easily handle guilt they lay on themselves.

She would rather be friends with her kids than essential to her man. It confirms that he’s unneeded.

She favors her kids over his. If she can’t treat all kids alike, her blending of families will not be very successful. If she can’t trust her kids to the care and admonition of her husband, she married the wrong man.

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2816. Well-liked Article (#73 updated from January 2008)


Subject: Submission is wife’s strong suit.

Modern women think that submitting to husband’s authority forfeits wife’s interests. Now, let’s take another look at that issue.

Women fill two roles: female and relationship partner. But modern women are confused. Females hormonally resist submitting to a potential threat, a man. But as girls and single women, they submit to male conquest just to have a boyfriend. That ultimate submissiveness means to men that a gal will submit for other circumstances that follow.

As sex partner to a man, gals naturally gain relationship advantages by adopting a submissive spirit. But modern wives argue, criticize, and otherwise demonstrate an in-your-face fussiness. More masculine than feminine. More success for her in his domain and less success for him to himself.

What she expects does not come hormonally to his hard-headed and hard-hearted self. She either enables and empowers him to succeed as himself with her as partner, or she loses him.

As wife, she focuses primarily on nesting and relationship development and maintenance. She’s primarily the nesting authority focused on the future. She perceives success through long term lenses. She’s successful if she has tomorrow’s events under control today.

The issue of who submits to whom revolves around respect each has for the other. When she wants him to succeed, look good, or lead the way, she submits. When he likes her way of doing something, he submits if there’s no watering down of his authority or direct threat to his dominance as perceived by others.

He can’t be successful to himself, if others see him weakened by his wife. His competitors are outside the home, not inside.

Post 2815 is about male submission.

 

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2815. Well-liked Article (#72 updated from January 2008)


Subject: Men are submissive too

A sexy man. Men perceive themselves with one primary persona in life—being a man. His sexiness helps, and if it’s not evident, he’ll prove it in bed.

Men don’t voluntarily abandon the hormonal urge of being a man. But they enlarge their persona when coached to do so by one woman. Since improvement requires a man to change, respect is her key to the operating room, submissiveness her surgical instrument.

A man expects to succeed as himself in all his relationship roles. He focuses primarily on provider-protector and needs a lot of feminine coaching to fully accept the friend, faithful mate, husband, father, affection-giver, and devoted-lover roles that his woman expects of him.

Whatever roles he fits himself into, he knows what he has to do in each. He claims certain domains and proceeds to fulfill his responsibility, overcome obstacles, and produce desirable goals to his satisfaction.

For example, his family needs more money, so he gets a second job. Wife expects more affection, so he washes her car. She expects help with spring cleaning, so he uses the leaf blower inside the house while she’s away. In all cases, he needs control over the appropriate domains of family life for him to be satisfied with himself.

If he’s not satisfied with himself, he’s not likely to be adequate for his woman. She may try to talk him into success, but his self-fulfilling prophecy can too easily prove otherwise. Eventually, they’ll fold as a couple.

It’s far more important that she help him succeed and satisfy himself than satisfy her or the family—if he’s worth keeping. It’s the tap-root of family integrity. People keep doing what they are successful at to themselves, as they see it, or as they want others to perceive it.

Next is about the female side.

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Filed under Dear daughter, feminine, Fickle female, How she wins, marriage, sex differences

2814. Well-liked Article (#67 updated from January 2008)


Subject: Exes, dumpees, and left behinds

Girls and women repeatedly spend time as ex-girlfriend, ex-lover, ex-live in, ex-wife. Whether searching, shacking up, or married, women repeatedly bounce from one misery to another interrupted frequently with love that doesn’t last and often with a new child. First with a guy and then without, and then with a guy and then without, and then….

Males are just males. Mothers, girls, and wives turn them into promising boys and mature men that please or displease females.

Every man expects he will be great as a mate—by masculine standards, that is. Each must be taught otherwise, if female expectations are to be met.

Sexual encounters do not improve men, because sex neither bonds nor changes them for female advantage. The actions and reactions of women withholding intercourse teach men to adopt female-friendly behaviors and try harder to please females.

When there’s a shortage of unmarried sex all across society, it shapes masculine thinking toward goodness and what women appreciate. Trying to qualify for sex by searching for a female’s weaknesses, a man coincidentally learns about her non-sexual strengths and qualities of value to him. His love needs that base, if it’s to endure beyond the fading of lust, infatuation, and romantic love.

The presence of unmarried sex all across modern society shapes masculine thinking against what women appreciate. The ease of bouncing blossom to blossom lures men away from spending very much effort on females and especially the baggage-laden interests of one. Also, male dominance intensifies.

Modern women don’t rise to the challenge of relationship management required to succeed as a couple. Instead, they act less feminine, more masculine, and objectify themselves for trading in the sexual marketplace.

When relationship mistakes and failures become evident, she dumps him before he dumps her. Using that option demonstrates her superiority to her, but it reveals her incompetence in the real world.

Thus, she recycles herself to the dreaded ex side of life. Her lament: ♫Where oh when ♫is my next boyfriend? She sighs and sponges up the sympathy and encouragement of her girlfriends. But the next hook up restarts the cycle.

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