Category Archives: sex differences

2282. My Mistake about a Man’s Love: Recovery I

Post 2266 described the essentials of masculine love as it begins at birth before sexual interest and sexual ability develop. I described it wrapped in simplicity this way. a) He finds her likeable and wants to be with her. b) For insurance against competitors, he makes himself loyal to her. She sees that as his being in love, but it’s not quite. c) He convinces himself that she finds him extremely likeable. d) He confirms to himself that she’s loyal to him exclusively. e) He gently slips into the role of being devoted to her, which is the version of his love that she needs before accepting his proposal.

However, I also wrote, “I bypass the consequences of conquest as it may or may not affect the following.” Then, I was diverted and promptly forgot to finish the job. I offer this more complete series as recovery.

I choose to start over and summarize both the characteristics and essentials for successful sexual involvement in masculine love. I cover it in six phases: birth, boyhood, puberty, before conquest, after conquest, and after marriage.

BIRTH brings forth the ‘four-leg’ foundation required for a man’s love to be sufficiently rewarding that he bonds with someone. That foundation—mutual likeability and mutual loyalty—is required throughout life for manly bonding with others.

Of course the definition of likeability spreads and impacts every interpersonal factor between two people. More later about how both sexes benefit.

BOYHOOD brings forth the ‘four-leg’ foundation but in reverse. Parents through both actions and words convince sons that they are very likeable and that parents are loyal to boyhood interests. Sons respond by finding parents equally likeable and aim their loyalty toward parents more than someone else. Thus, a boy’s ability to love and the intensity of it develops to the extent that parental actions primarily and words secondarily confirm son’s likeability. (Girls seem to regard words as more affirming but they are sensitive to actions contrary to words.)

PUBERTY brings forth the reversal of a boy’s bonding sequence. In a months-long conversion of intentions, boys swing away from bonding as done in childhood. Developing rapidly and changing hormonally, they become far more independent and somewhat skilled at interpreting and shaping human relations to match their taste and intention. Claiming greater independence, they shift to bonding with whomever they find likeable and to whom they can be loyal. When ‘whomever’ reciprocates likeability and loyalty, newly bonded friends spread their wings and share feedback  with whatever arrangement they can develop through ever riskier adventures that bring both success and failure. They self-teach by taking advantage of girls without letting the girls know they are learning from the girls. (As girls go, so goes teen life and so goes society when they become adults.)

Simultaneously, the hunter-conqueror role develops and gains ever more importance throughout the teen years. The maturing boy becomes fascinated with sex and mission oriented toward conquests. He spreads his wings and interests to discover how to conquer girls. Through success and failure he develops a skill level that impacts his self-respect for later life.

Before conquest, after conquest, and after marriage follow at 2283 next.


Filed under courtship, Dear daughter, sex differences

2281. Garden of Eden

This is a partial summary of how it all began.

I use the Garden of Eden as a function of faith and the simplest way to say that what follows below had to either start somewhere or morph out of the randomness of Nature. In either event, the genders are primordially motivated by the differences below.

  1. The genders are designed to be compatible as mates but both have to cooperate to offset the results of too much gender and individual competition.
  2. Equality was never intended; fairness generates success of compatibility.
  3. One gender is dominant and, in effect, the immovable object. The other is superior and, in effect, the irresistible force.
  4. Men lack it, but women are endowed with relationship expertise to enable the physically weaker to manage the physically stronger, balance diverse gender interests, and preserve compatibility.
  5. The female gender is designed to earn happiness, which women accomplish after years of finding gratitude in life and others. Thus, women live for the long-range benefits; they earn their rewards late in life for having developed their own matriarchal family. (The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world per William Ross Wallace’s poem.)
  6. The male gender is designed to earn satisfaction, which men achieve primarily at their jobs. Thus, men live with a short-range orientation to expand their patriarchal influence.
  7. The female gender is endowed with strong desire to be good, which women confirm and achieve by doing good.
  8. Males are born capable of doing good, but they lack incentive until energized by females in their lives. By doing good, they become good and much more satisfying to the women in their lives.
  9. Within both genders, each individual’s uniquely developed personality and self-identification includes the spirit to compete to get their way. Relationship experts are endowed with special wisdom to compensate and thereby produce harmony in relationships, home, and family.
  10. Men are hunter-conquerors with eyes as their primary sensor and peripheral vision designed to detect motion.
  11. Women are essentially prey with ears as their primary sensor and peripheral hearing that enables them to evaluate other voices nearby.
  12. Males tend to believe what they see and put little credence in words unsupported by actions. Women tend to believe what they hear unless what they see discredits it.
  13. The female gender protects itself against the male gender with hard-headedness before being conquered and soft-heartedness after that.
  14. The male gender wields hard-headedness and hard-heartedness until a woman or old age make them more mellow.
  15. Female love is emotion-based and both clouded for men and crowded with the risk of unreturned love.
  16. Male love is logic- and reason-based on mutual likeability and mutual loyalty, foreign to female understanding, and with risk removed during development. If risk arises later from lack of his woman’s loyal support (and even short of sexual fidelity) to him, a man’s love weakens and may fade away.
  17. Self-love convinces women they deserve to be loved by men. Self-respect convinces men they deserve to be respected by women. Her love of him rather than his love of her keeps her attached to a man. His love depends on mutual likeability and mutual loyalty and her actions to repeatedly confirm it.
  18. Individuals of both genders are primarily motivated by self-interest. The effect is WADWMUFGAO. We all do what makes us feel good about ourselves, which means that love isn’t real except as it makes individuals feel good when they show love for another, which is easy and normal for women but requires devotion for men to display it.
  19. His words of love impress her but her actions to show her love of him program her heart and convince her that she loves him.
  20. Her words of love make her feel good but he doesn’t need her love in order to love her, just to confirm no reason to be suspicious of her loyal support of his interest and ambition.
  21. A man’s love develops out of his self-interest to possess a particular woman as his partner, mate, or wife depending on what she requires.
  22. The primal need of a woman is confirmation of her self-importance, which she earns by making herself important to others. She depends on others to help fulfill her need.
  23. The primal need of a man is confirmation of his significance, which he achieves by earning satisfaction through his accomplishments and ambitions. Other people are not essential to fulfill those needs.
  24. The female gender recognizes the need of morality and religion to promote female interests. Men don’t recognize such a need except as woman or women are persuadable enough to change masculine interest.
  25. Women are pretty; men are handy. Both are convicted of it for themselves and the other gender.
  26. The female gender lives under heavy pressure of guilt, and women find relief by dealing pleasantly with others. Men accept only self-induced guilt and act to relieve it or forget it; they don’t carry guilt as baggage or as reason to deal pleasantly with others.
  27. Both genders are attracted to sexual encounters by the lure of orgasm, which is not the most important part of sex for either sex.

Thus, God designs, Nature arranges and endows genetically, and hormones energize the sexes very differently for action and life.


Filed under courtship, sex differences, Dear daughter, feminine, guy

2280. Compatibility Axioms #921-930

921. It’s self-fulfilling: A wife blames husband for his faults. Accused men defend themselves by disproving the evidence presented. Debate amplifies his faults into failures in her eyes. He gets worse. [306]

922. Women abandon femininity, modesty, high moral standards, and other female strengths just to have a boyfriend they can’t keep simply because of what they abandoned. [306]

923. When a man senses that a woman finds him attractive, his nature tends to take her for granted. Using the virtual virginity strategy prevents her being taken for granted before marriage. Ensuring that his devotion goes beyond mere commitment minimizes her being taken for granted after marriage. [308]

924. A man dumps his wife of many years for a trophy. He seeks to start over and build a new kind of marriage. He seeks a new sense of significance, which he lost with his ex. He now knows how to do it and can raise a new child. Especially with a mother young enough to provide most of the care and submit to his dominance more pleasantly and less challengingly. [308]

925. The longer she puts off having sex with him, the greater her worthiness to be his wife for life—as he sees it. Men will deny that, of course, but her refusals in spite of his maximum effort register as greater respect for her deep inside him. [308]

926. Men escape being parented when they leave their childhood home. They won’t accept it by a wife and especially not in front of others. [308]

927. Men take a relationship for granted. It just is; it needs no maintenance. Four ‘switches’ determine its health and whether he loves her or not. She’s loyal to him or not. He’s likeable to her or not. He’s loyal to her or not. She’s likeable to him or not. [308]

928. People respect those who are different, unique, and powerful within themselves. Her power thrust in his face offends, however, whereas well-controlled internal strength is admired and considered a virtue.  [311]

929. Hook up but no call? Shack up but no joy? Married but no peace? Then she better change herself, because men don’t or won’t. [311]

930. Women are the relationship experts, men go along and expect a smooth and maintenance-free ride. [311]


Filed under courtship, dear daugher, Dear daughter, sex differences

2279. Heart and Mind of the Married Trophy Hunter

As men are born—that is, strictly according to their heart and nature—a younger beauty conquered in middle age provides significance that calms the waters of the mid-life crisis. It’s such a life-fulfilling event that his personal history becomes a ‘former life’ detached from his life with trophy.

The lure of such a conquest is strong in every man’s heart and—given good opportunity—overpowers his loyalty to his previous investment of self in past life. To defeat the urge requires good character, strong will, and a wife that understands what keeps her husband satisfied with her.

Wife faces two threats.

An ever-present threat is opportunity for husband to do very little except rationalize cheating and departure. He need only relax and let his secretary or other female fall in love with him. Most men have a ring in their nose for that sort of thing. Few men qualify in the eyes of younger females, but many women are willing to lower their standards just to have a man. Stealing husbands is just part of the game of female competition when morality and love-based religion are weak or missing.

The most realistic threat to wife is husband’s desire to escape his present relationship manifested by loss of love, which can develop over time in one or two ways or both.

a) He detects that he’s much less or no longer likeable to her. Their interests, goals, and perhaps personalities may clash. She no longer relies on him as before. He’s no longer fun, pleasure, and comfort to her. Loss of her likeability of him brings her loyalty into question, can squelch his love, and sooner or later can silence his interest in her. Being fearful of the insignificance caused if he’s fool enough to stay long enough to be dumped, he grows wary of keeping their relationship intact. His caution and perhaps scouting for other options makes him even less likeable to her and the relationship twists, slumps, and deteriorates further.

b) Her likeability deteriorates in his eyes. As the direct result, his loyalty to her weakens, his love fades, and he finds it ever more difficult to find satisfaction in their life together. Escape is a good option if opportunity arises. Escape may be required if she becomes too unlikeable.

The issue boils down to this. If she understands her man well enough, she has the ability to prevent the misery that trophy beauties or loss of husband’s love can bring into a wife’s life.

Inherent in her superior gender, wife has the adaptability and survivability to read red flag symptoms and take appropriate action to lower those flags. The place to start is always keep in mind their mutual likeability. Loss of any of that is the time to take action to fix it, which means wives need to learn what mutual likeability is and looks like.

Here are two tests for each lady reading this, married or unmarried. You need to have analyzed yourself in these ways so that your boodle bag of knowledge of your man isn’t empty. You have something to work with.

A. What about you makes him like and appreciate you? Don’t think love, affection, and assurances as you know it. Think of how he listens to you, why he accepts your suggestions and decisions, why he laughs easily with you, what he does to please you, and how without even thinking about it he enjoys being in your company (even if both are silent).

What about you causes all that? It summarizes like this. You’re likeable when he likes himself being around and associating with you. His loyalty derives from your likeability, which makes you very valuable to his life. He doesn’t want to lose you so he focuses on being loyal, which to him is the major way he expresses his love. I repeat the last and most important clause, ‘which to him is the major way he expresses his love’. Loyalty through big but scattered actions rather than the female way of expressing emotional connections through words and small attentions.

This is a natural consequence: What he doesn’t like about you, he magnifies into not liking himself for putting up with it; he expects you to be more easily appreciated. But being a man, he accepts you as you are and doesn’t expect you to change. You have to read the tea leaves and change yourself according to what you divine will work for you. You need to exploit that old relationship expertise with which God endows the superior gender.

B. What makes him likeable to you? Looks, style, masculinity, clean humor, work ethic, sense of responsibility, attire, easy to love, easy to like, decent language, morality, religious beliefs, personal neatness, gravitas, sense of purpose, achievements, ambitions, family loyalty, reputation, kindness, character, integrity, pleasant attitude, willing to show affection, good upbringing, … ? To like him for those and other things and then to quit on one or many makes him see that he’s less likeable in your eyes, which makes him conclude that your loyalty may have weakened. If so, his love weakens.

This is my favorite quote for a woman finding her man to be extremely likeable. She cites what more than anything else is important to a man.

In the movie Ziegfeld Follies, after losing his future in the market crash of 1929, Florenz Ziegfeld proposes to Billie Burke: “Nothing I can give you except my love.” She responds, “That isn’t enough. I’d expect part of your ambition, half of your trouble, 2/3 of your worries, and all of your respect.” (I figure more Hollywood than true, but it makes a great example.)

If a woman can honestly live out such an arrangement, any man will read it that he’s likeable to her. He sees all he needs to have faith that he’s likeable and she’s also loyal until he sees her weaken or wane.

The title and introduction captured your attention. As the article developed it became obvious to me that the worth of it lies in the two tests given in the bottom half. Every woman needs to develop both interest and skill to read themselves and their man along the four entangled lines of a man’s love: her likeability and his consequent loyalty, and his likeability and her obvious loyalty.

All your days will shine better when you can read men along those four ingredients of every man’s love.


Filed under boobs, Dear daughter, How she wins, sex differences

2278. CAUSES and EFFECTS — Group 05

  1. Celebrity worship is female love to a fault. Wanting terribly to love someone, they lack a proper person. Girls go ga-ga over pop stars for lack of boyfriend and it’s exciting to them. Women worship celebrities for lack of having no one available or worthy enough of absorbing all their love.
  2. A woman’s worshipful admiration of celebrities demeans her self-respect and makes her individualism and independence dissolve in the eyes of others. Using unknowns as role models reveals her lack of respect of friends and family as worthy role models. (Those closest to her think they’re good enough and wish she could see it, but she doesn’t.)
  3. Progressive is the political umbrella under which Marxists, communists, socialists, fascists, anti-constitutionalists, anti-American liberals, and New World Order advocates hunker down, rely on propaganda to disguise their ideologies, and work together to hide their intentions from the people. Conspiracies abound, nothing happens accidentally, ideological differences arise only behind closed doors, those with power to act are never wrong, and one step back is okay if it follows two steps forward. Also, alert the public to what’s coming so that by the time it arrives, it’s old news, the media can ignore it, and public anger has lost its heat.
  4. Masculine appreciation of the female gender and a man’s love of a woman begins with self-respect that enables respect of someone else. Feminine appreciation of the male gender and a woman’s love of a man begins with her self-love that enables her to share it with someone else. (We can’t share or give what we don’t have in our hearts.)
  5. The subject is political correctness. Without constitution-based authority, people resent being told how they must act. They find ways to resist the expectations of people who evidently don’t respect them in the first place. A predominant majority of people accept and eventually find reason to conform to laws and social norms when they are free to choose. They are motivated to satisfy others because they are respected and trusted to live by their conscience. It used to be the standard American way, when mutual respect birthed mutual trust.


Filed under Culture & Politics, Dear daughter, Feminism: OOPS!, sex differences

2277. CAUSES and EFFECTS — Group 04

  1. Why do wives seek equality with husbands? Men see justice through the fairness lens, taught as boys by the hand that rocks the cradle. It begs the question: If moms shape the world, why do wives pound the table for a different standard or expectation with their husbands, yet as mothers they teach children fairness over equal? Mothers must know instinctively that equal isn’t achievable and so teach children to be fair. If only wives from childhood remembered that principle as more important than feminist political propaganda, relationships would be calmer.
  2. It’s their nature in action. Women accept and can enjoy being teased about who they are but not what they do. They know they can be a better person and are willing to accept views that may help them change. They also know what they do is the right thing and subject only to acceptance and not judgment or teasing.
  3. Men will engage in competitive banter about achievements. They’re proud of what they do but know it’s possible to do better. Who they are is an ‘inherited’ condition about which they can do little or nothing and so teasing about who they are is disrespectful. (Joking between and among soldiers, sailors, marines, and airmen presumes they do different things and is usually acceptable unless it gets more personal and thus disrespectful.)
  4. In the heat of domestic squabbles, it’s very easy to forget that your man still expects to see that your love isn’t faltering. Your criticisms, complaints and proclamations mean little or nothing if you cease to show respect, dependence, and gratefulness for what he does and who he is except for the issue under dispute. Advice: Stay focused on the issue at stake and not him. It blesses you doubly, since it threatens neither his view of your loyalty to him nor his likeability of you. Those are the foremost two ingredients that signify his love does not falter when disputes are in session.
  5. Think of a man’s love as winning her heart in four steps that must remain for his love to continue. To him it’s more contractual in practice than just emotional attachment. 1) She’s very likeable and he desires to associate extensively with her. 2) He decides to be loyal to her to avoid the risk of being dumped before he has a chance to know her better. 3) He sees that she considers him likeable enough to spend forever with him. 4) He sees that his likeability attracts her sufficiently that she can be loyal to him exclusively. It’s not masculine love without all four relationship features having developed. Yes, his feelings are conditional on the four-step insurance that he’s not making a fool of himself.


Filed under courtship, Dear daughter, guy, How she wins, sex differences

2274. Compatibility Axioms #911-920

911. a) If they marry, how can he assess the likelihood that she will be faithful? b) What should arouse his suspicions? c) Who and how many men got there before he did? d) How should he react when encountering men who have laid with her? e) How will she react when encountering them again? f) How will he compare sexually with them and her ex-husband? g) Any sexual attractiveness remaining with ex-husband or others?* He considers her sexual history the best source for figuring out such things. The less trustful his character, the more intense to learn her past.

*Note: He’s concerned more with lingering physical than emotional attraction that women worry more about. [302.]

912. Feminine intuition tops full-disclosure of her sexual history. While not easy, women have the skills and expertise to hide who, what, when, where, why, and how of what he doesn’t already know.  So, “have to” isn’t a sound reason for full-disclosure. [302.]

913. Former relationships may be known to her man, but no mention should EVER be made or details disclosed even about ex-husbands. It’s taboo if her previous relationships are not totally forgotten by her. Unfortunately, he won’t forget although he can forgive. Whether sincere or claimed forgiveness depends on his character? [302.]

914. Wise women plan and minimize disclosure of their sexual history long before new relationships begin. By planning to treat all men alike, she conditions her thinking to not go off the deep end of infatuation. [302.]

915. When a woman concludes that men are only after one thing, she thinks insufficient all else she has to offer, which makes her a poor candidate for marriage. [306]

916. Women generate unhappiness this way. She focuses negatively on her man’s shortcomings, which worsen precisely because of her attentions to them. [306]

917. Booty call: The screwing she gets for the screwing he gets. Duty sluthood costs her much more male respect that she can ever imagine. [306]

918. College girls major in booty for reasons incomprehensible to any father. [306]

919. Capturing a man is easy. Keeping one is not. The burden is on her. Her nature seeks togetherness and his seeks independence. Sex is always insufficient to end his independence. [306]

920. Virgin girls believe they won’t get dumped if they yield. Actually to men, the more his buds have tried and failed, the easier she is to dump. Unless he’s really into her other strengths and attributes, which isn’t evident until after many months of dating have passed with him fascinated by her person and womanly demeanor. [306]


Filed under courtship, Dear daughter, feminine, sex differences