Category Archives: sex differences

2352. Tribute to the Female Nature — 07: How Women Lead

It’s the inborn nature of both genders to respect the other for its uniqueness, the potential that enables compatibility. Females do it instinctively but they have to forever remind males with their continuing and important presence—by effectively leading from behind.

Old school cause and effect sustained it. In fact, individuals of each gender respected the opposite more than their own. It significantly enhanced each person’s sense of personal responsibility, especially that of men for their families, which reduced blaming others.

Women respect other people without their having to earn it, which manifests as respect for the male gender. Men respect individuals who earn their respect.

However, men pay little attention to respecting the female gender except as circumstance and pressure require. Our grannies exploited that weakness with lady-like behavior that pressured men into more female-friendly gentlemanly behavior, which through their manly action spread respect across the female gender. (Not even men can do one thing and have opposite feelings, it’s mental ‘noise’ that renders one confused aka cognitive dissonance. Some way will be found to eliminate the confusion.)

When women generate and exploit respect, it enables and they quickly learn to lead from behind, which encourages their man to lead from the front. It works this way:

  • Women respect individuals until they turn unrespectful and undeserving. (Trust is another matter, but they tend to trust men until they detect a red flag, turn cautious, and grow suspicious.)
  • Men respect individual females according to their: 1) Resistance to yielding sexual assets for manly exploitation. 2) Willingness to stand up on their own behalf; defend themselves particularly against unjustified pressure applied by men. 3) Unnoticeably converting masculine effort into female advantage (aka ability to honorably outsmart men sufficiently well that men don’t resent or take offense.
  • Masculine respect also shows up this way. Husbands are willing to do what’s right so long as they know what’s right, can please their woman, but are neither blamed nor told how to do it. It translates to men allowing women to determine what’s right socially and domestically and men to follow so invisibly they don’t appear to be following in a female’s wake. )
  • Women act as ladies, which justifies their restricting the subject of sex to marital conditions and out of the public eye, which pressures men into finding other ways to broach the subject, which encourages men to become gentlemanly in order to have access to female recognition and acceptance as social equals, which makes it in the interest of men to consider marriage as the best alternative, which encourages them to marry to have frequent and convenient access to sex, which is made socially acceptable by women who put lady-like behavior ahead of just having a man, which enables ladies to govern social and domestic norms, which earns masculine respect for the female gender, which is part of the respect men must have for devotion to arise and for each to love one woman.
  • Ladies thus motivate men to respect the female gender far more than men do naturally, which is the direct result of women acting like ladies and expecting men to act as gentlemen (aka better than their nature, living up to something bigger than themselves such as each lady they encounter).
  • Our Judeo-Christian culture thus enabled our foremothers to utilize Christian love principles and earn greater respect for their gender. It was relatively easy when women unified under common values and standards rather than individually and multi-culturally. Mothers civilized boys to respect girls, who made teen boys mind their own business about sex. Bachelorettes invoked social rules that kept bachelors dependent on female decisions about socializing. Wives honored husbands for dependability, responsibility, and relationship survivability.

Only in the case of some of the smarter women do we see it today. They first give respect to all men, which conditions their thinking against blaming one man for all social and domestic ailments.

Just as God gave chocolate to men so women would pay attention, he gave women the option of not blaming men so men would pay attention. Those who can capture and hold the attention of the other are the momentary leaders.

It’s the simplest formula I can derive. Plenty of chocolate enables men to lead. Lack of blame enables women to lead. Any relationship needs both to function as leaders, but alternating in concert and not annoyance or resentment. Getting and holding attention comes second; respect comes first.



Filed under courtship, Culture & Politics, Dear daughter, feminine, sex differences

2351. Tribute to the Female Nature — 06: Procreation Sacred

Her Highness MLaRowe at 2350 triggered this article with the claim: “[W]hat I have come to believe is that sex really is sacred. It is the act of creating a life whether a birth comes as a result or not.”

The following was written for a future article but I use it now to endorse her point. Sex is primarily for procreation and the more sacred it’s considered, the more compatible the couple.

Her Primal Sex Drive. Four natural energies bring sex into play in the woman’s world. The first three support original design of procreation.

  • Her physiological urge to nurture triggers the urge to procreate.
  • Her psychological need to assuage the needs of others stimulates her to copulate.
  • Her natural need for self-importance ignites ambitions to outdo and outshine other women to capture and mate with the best quality man, whom she seeks to ensure high quality offspring. Necessarily, because of the male nature, it usually involves sexual relations.
  • Her nature craves intimacy, especially when her spirits are down. The promise of pre- and post-coital touching and body closeness fuels her desire for sex.

But there’s more.

  • Women can have multiple orgasms, which encourage multiple attempts at insemination, which allows for fertilization to match the unpredictability of ovulation, which encourages her to remain with the man that she’s chosen as best to father and adequate at least to help care for her offspring.
  • The lure and ability of multiple orgasms compensates her discouragement at trying without success. It also appeals to the masculine ego, which provides or at least strengthens whatever glue tends to hold them together. OTOH, men need recovery time after orgasm; one ‘deposit’ is enough for now. He can move on or stay with her depending on his desire and her ability to hold him.

So, Nature makes it incumbent on woman to hold her man for repeated inseminations, when a man’s primal urge is to spread seed once and proceed on his way; others await his servicing.

Those primal urges motivate women to recognize the male sex drive as more urgently driven and to utilize sex for bonding, generating compatibility, and competing with other women for the best men.

His Primal Sex Drive. Three natural urges bring sex into the man’s world. The first is the toughest that women ever try to tame. Earning his complete devotion is the only way too.

  • His physiological urge to copulate first time with every sexually attractive woman ends with conquest of each woman but the drive to conquer another lingers for life. Conqueror’s right both frees him to stay or drop her and entitles him to ‘own’ their sexual agenda.
  • His drive to compete—against Nature, other men, and to control human events—brings females onto the playing field in two classes: conquered and unconquered by him. He has an intrinsic urge to outdo and outshine other men with whatever females are available. The unconquered are pursued with diligence and the woman is always right to defend and fail to yield. The conquered are never right to refuse and accepted as ready for more at his call.
  • What we see as the ‘normal’ sex drive that men demonstrate with each conquered female, whether married or unmarried.

Those primal urges combine to make males compete with females for conquest but for little else afterward. Men accept female competition before conquest but only cooperation after that. Again, they are born that way.


MLaRowe points out that sex is or should be held up as sacred. The merit of it makes couples more compatible. We all become better people living up to someone or something higher or bigger than ourselves. Elevating sex to sacred—and only women can do it—has this effect: Partners live up to each other rather than themselves even when sex-for-pleasure is the ruling objective. No intent to imply, of course, that sex is only for procreation.

Compatibility grows when each partner is out to please the other and lets the other’s pleasure please them. (Of course, women have been doing that for centuries. Men only do it when women make sex sacred—or so I infer from MLaRowe and tend to agree.)

Other than for procreation, all other sex is secondary and as popular as morality permits, as popular as women permit society to jump the tracks of female-friendly Judeo-Christian values and standards.

It’s the ideal Judeo-Christian arrangement to ensure that procreation continues as God designs, Nature endows, and hormones energize the sexes to be compatible, produce babies, raise them to maturity, and help them raise their own into adulthood.

The more sacred, the more closeness. The more secular, the more emotionally disconnected. The former appeals to females; the latter appeals to males. So, once again, women are in charge of the moral judgments about sex and sacred. Men follow when women lead by doing what’s right for them and offspring and without blaming men for shortcomings.



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2346. Tribute to the Female Nature — 02: Tame Men

Men are not as impervious to female influence as they act and women react. Over time each man reflects what he’s learned from the women in his life, just as long as those women don’t remind him of it.

Whether about gender or an individual, you ladies know the shortcomings of men and how you wish they were different. They will be when you make yourself different from those who can’t keep a husband today. One on one and one at a time. It takes one woman to tame one man to her wishes, hopes, and dreams. You were prepared at birth, but many must relearn how to use it.

God, Nature, and hormones make woman very capable and consequently make women the superior gender. Each is the irresistible force facing off against the immovable object. But the force is born with the advantage: She CAN withhold sex to encourage the immovable object toward marriage instead of yielding and making marriage unnecessary to satisfy his conquering spirit. Provided, of course, that marriage rather than sexual pleasure and him rather than someone else is what she’s truly after.

It starts the moment they meet. The kickoff is her feminine more than sexual attractiveness. The latter attracts every man; the former attracts men more interested in her than just sex. Her qualifications to lead one or more of those men into a successful relationship continues for life.

Men seek to marry a virtuous woman. Virtue is whatever quality a particular man admires. Some men take a very long time to find ways to admire a woman. In the meantime, each woman is well prepared from inborn traits and skills to convert his blank time into progress for her.

It works with one woman and one man. You are born more than capable to outperform any man at the relationship but not the societal level; at the emotional but not the physical level; in your home but not in public; with domestic principles, values, and standards but not social impulse and displays of power; with indirectness but not directness; with patience to outlast rather than resolve problems immediately; with ability to outsmart rather than manipulate; with premarital competition instead of cooperation; with marital cooperation instead of competition; with more concern for the future than the present; with deferred rather than immediate gratification; with relationship management skills rather than being led by a nose ring; at compromising rather than fighting out differences; with love rather than vengeance; with silence to avoid uproars; with acceptance of faults to avoid blame; with more loyalty to one person than interest tied to others; in marriage more than shack up; in stopping at resisting and resenting rather than retaliating; in devotion to husband, self, and his job over home and family; with compassion for the weak more than respect of the powerful; at deferring to the powerful to ensure good relations with and for your provider/protector; at liking yourself in spite of temporary messages to the contrary; in fulfilling responsibility for others instead of just self, and through learning to use sex before and enjoy it after marriage and not vice versa.

Tomorrow, I tackle the blame game.


Filed under courtship, Culture & Politics, marriage, sex differences

2343. RANDOM THOUGHTS—Group 99

Our forefathers sought to marry a virtuous woman, which is most easily translated as masculine admiration of feminine qualities. Modern men seek to marry a fascinating woman, which is most easily translated as sex appeal with her as seller and him as buyer. Virtuous means she’s worth the risk. Fascinating means no risk to him.

A woman can see a man being in love with her by merely imagining and wanting to believe it so badly that small indications of interest or commitment for sex substitute for his devotion. They have first sex together and her bonding confirms that she’s right. However, men are not like that. They neither bond with sex nor need devotion to conquer.

Doesn’t the Manosphere come to mind as the direction in which society trends today? Players abound for sex and go. Cougars thrive proudly. Men disrespect females and dodge responsibility for children. Dating has been corrupted to meet, greet, hook up, and now threesomes of one or both sexes. Men make no investment of self, when sex is available almost without effort.

Men avoid or leave marriage for many reasons including: 1) Fear caused by women using it to trap and financially rape husbands. 2) The female personality has turned untenable for living together; wife blames husband and his respect of her dissolves. 3) Wife turns out to be someone other than the person and personality he married. 4) Female habits birthed in feminist thought turn women unacceptable for permanent mating; men refuse to put up with her s***.

Women avoid or leave marriage for many reasons including: 1) Men or husband expects to come before her career plans. 2) Men expect to come before children of single moms. 3) Men lack sense of family responsibility. 4) Husband is emotionally unsuited to find and keep a job. 5) Lure of other females induces husband to cheat and divide his loyalty. 6) Husband’s inattention to wife’s needs. 7) Lure of men more attractive for showing affection and with apparent ability to better fulfill wife’s needs. 8) Husband turns out to be someone other than the reliable person she anticipated.


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2342. Old Age Switcheroo

Ladies, here’s what you face many years down the road. Men and women exchange places. Regarding sexual relations, that is. Other hormones are involved but I simplify for ease of explanation.

The combination of high testosterone and low estrogen brings on horniness and the motivation to conquer attractive females—natural for males. The alternate combination of high estrogen and low testosterone motivates one to be more cautious; that is, make love with a particular person—natural for females. Those different default conditions change as hormonal shifting begins slowly after their sex drives peak.

You know what it’s like now but think of it reversing later, most noticeably after your menopause and his mid-life crisis and into the decades that follow.

Men lose testosterone faster and women lose estrogen faster. The change in ratio of one versus the other shifts their sexual urges accordingly. By late in life, she’s the horny one and he’s interested only if he wants to make love to her because of who she is and what she means to him.

So, ladies, to avoid the discomfort of not seeming to be wanted late in life, train your man now to always want to please you. It’s more of the eternal story. Men become what women turn them into because women have the patience and fortitude to do whatever it takes to keep brightening their future.


Filed under Dear daughter, feminine, sex differences

2341. Suggestions for Raising Children — Part XV

Tactical Parenting: Encouraging Sexual Restraint in Teen Girls

This is a follow-on to 2339. Start with toddlers to teach girls how to handle boys and men. Teach them from the earliest to constantly spotlight how the sexes are very different. Teach that life comes in two main sections, before and after marriage, and as the old saying goes: Never the twain shall meet.

Females push on males all the responsibility for initiating, earning, and otherwise selling themselves until their proposal for marriage. When they meet at the altar, it means she bought what he sold, which means that the roles reverse and she has contractually agreed to become seller to his buyer and thus inherits similar responsibilities after marriage.


If moms teach the following to toddlers and pre-teens, they will intuitively carry it into adolescence and adulthood.

  1. Boys get nothing from a girl unless they earn it. Boy wants a piece of her candy, she tells him to run around the house—or jump in that mud puddle—and she will share. Brother wants help with homework, sister says you owe me a banana split and I will collect, right? or else I destroy your bed room! Classmate wants to walk home with her, he carries her books (I recognize the old-schoolness of it, but it sure tamed boys to accept girl-think.)
  2. Boy wants to give girl a ride on his bike; she says walk with me first, push your old bike. Boy wants first kiss and girl says huh, uh; what have you done to deserve it? He asks for first date; she says only if you go to church with me. He wants to go park on lover’s lane; she say’s only if so-and-so go too. He wants to stop after work for drinks; she says huh, uh—coffee is okay though. He tries to talk about sex; she starts talking about marriage.
  3. It discourages females from giving men and boys unearned ‘gifts’ which guys don’t appreciate. And simply asking for something from a female is not earning anything; it’s still a freebie if he gets what he wants with words. (Men know to focus on her ears.) Only actions by males register with them as earning something.
  4. If males aren’t earning female favors of whatever kind, they are not kept in the seller’s role. It’s incumbent on females to train males to meet female expectations or it never happens. Males become satisfied by getting what they want from females without paying a price except for a few words they throw out to see if any click and stick with that chick.
  5. The more easily females accept words as their reason to accept a guy for whatever, the easier it is for guys to learn to lie. It also means that dealing with women with low expectations, men weaken the importance of integrity for honest dealings. They can too easily score with disingenuousness; it’s habitual among players.
  6. Everything is relative. Each sex reacts to the stimuli of the other. A man becomes what a woman desires only when she learns early to act as the buyer until they depart the altar. It enables the mother’s hand that rocks the cradle and rules the world to continue the rocking; it’s done indirectly by teaching toddler(s) how to handle males. Female intuition carries it through the tweens, teens, and into successful family life.
  7. Dealing with males this way also makes inexperienced females more valuable to themselves. It improves their self-image, -like, -confidence, and -control. More control means less depression. Girls get in the habit from toddlerhood of always expecting boys and men to pay some price for female favors of whatever kind.
  8. Making all of that come out to the advantage of females starts with mom and her toddler girl(s).


  • It’s simple, stop what’s gone before. At the altar, he paid his price for all she can provide in care, support, and favors.
  • Now that doesn’t mean she’s his slave or to batted around. It means that before marriage men have to please her, so the one who wins her knows that she’s been positioned to intuitively strive to please him as opposed to his always having to please her.

It’s the natural quid pro quo designed by God, endowed by Nature, and energized by hormones and provides the foundation that makes a couple compatible as mates. She gets her way until they marry.

After that, if he’s devoted and she’s smart, she continues to get her way. If he’s not devoted, she has a hard time ruling the rooster much less ruling the home. Marital success starts in toddlerhood.

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Blog 2339. Suggestions for Raising Children — Part XIII

Tactical Parenting: Encouraging Sexual Restraint in Teen Girls

I presume that readers take exception to masculine-style sexual freedom for females. It’s now expanded with a follow-on movement of sex for pleasure in the U.S. It’s now developing overseas into threesomes for one and both sexes and on-the-street connecting up with those known and unknown, which means only a matter of time before the practice immigrates here.

If you don’t like it, your best contribution is teaching girls to avoid teen sexual activity. By avoiding it in adolescence, girls learn that other things are more important than sex and sexual freedom; for example, the ability to keep a husband. It’s then up to girls to teach boys, provided moms and dads teach boys to respect girls as unique and more valuable to men when treated respectfully.

To all moms, don’t preach to save herself for her husband. Teach to protect her heart and mind for herself, so she’s better prepared to handle males and life as she sees fit. A girl well-educated about herself and males knows what to do that’s best for her. She knows how to distinguish sincerity from smooth talk and lies and how to handle each.

Moms can’t be too well prepared to train and uplift girls to earn their potential for the handling of men and a mate. As women go so goes society, and only mothers can get them there. Dads need to encourage but moms do the work.

You may think of the following as too philosophical. However, sound personal decisions are based more on good philosophical underpinnings than on less stable beliefs such as popular opinion. So, I intend to unload all that I can figure out as relevant to moms raising girls to achieve their girlhood hopes and dreams.

Until now, I never realized the endless connections between what mom knows and how to raise better daughters. Sex today interferes dramatically with that process. Moms need more non-sex info and so this series continues to expand far beyond that originally intended.

Female character shapes the values, standards, and expectations that flood the culture and determine how people live in society. When moms focus on teaching about sex, they miss the boat. When they teach about screening males, handling dates, training boyfriends, discouraging players, and especially keeping husbands, they are on target to raising sterling daughters into women with significant influence with men and over boys.

When mom has a better picture of how the male and female natures prioritize and interact, she’s much better prepared to convey the lessons appropriate to each girl’s level of maturity. By puberty the lessons can be complete and a girl’s sense of self-development can carry her through adolescence without too much hurt.

A mother’s judgment is invariably sound when she depends on facts rather than popular opinion. Her biggest burden then is to gain and maintain daughter’s respect for mom’s teachings, which is a matter of self-discipline, nurturing love, not blaming others, and starting with toddlers in the third year.

NOTE: Mom’s biggest challenge is to get the father’s support, backing, and encouragement of daughter to listen to mom, whether present in their lives or not. IOW, mom sorely needs father’s respect to reinforce whatever respect daughter has for mom.

Modern teens are involved in sexual activity after copying adults, so moms have to counter that social movement when they teach about sex in early childhood. It’s tough, but how else can they overcome the political outrageousness of sex-ed in kindergarten unless they start early?

I suggest this plan. Except for basics, discourage interest in sex-education as being promoted. Mom knows better than bureaucrats. Teach beneficial behavior that attracts and holds the interests of males without having to satisfy those interests. Teach girls to make males work for everything they get from girl or woman. Earn masculine respect rather than popularity. Teach independence, teach girls to dislike the popular venues and achieving popularity. They all want to be liked. But they benefit permanently when they are respected. They earn respect when they refuse boys having their way even in the simple things such as copping a feel, kissing without earning it by demonstrating devotion with actions rather than just words, and  specifically by not spreading their legs for any reason.

Men respect what they earn and don’t appreciate what they don’t earn. Free gifts are meaningless, especially sex. And men can’t love who they don’t respect. So, the love of a man depends on how she makes him earn the sharing of her persona with him without sexual involvement.

Girls gain nothing from conquest except they bond and boys don’t. She loses and he benefits immensely: 1) Whatever respect she gained earlier by refusing quits growing. 2) His obligations to please her ‘expire’. 3) He doesn’t have to search any longer for weaknesses to facilitate bedding her; he owns their sexual agenda. She’s a keeper, booty, or dumpee. 4) He’s free to look for someone else.

Moms should stick to family values that glue relationships. Promote strengthening of personal character that emerges from sexual restraint. Describe the unexpected penalties for lack of good character that urges restraint in teen life. Teach deferred gratification and persuade against immediate gratification. Teach the importance of self-gratitude as critical to the sense of self-importance so earnestly craved by the female psyche.

Instead of blaming men for the social and domestic ailments of females, teach the blessings that women brought to American greatness. Men conquered the West, but women civilized it. Through their indirect influence with husbands, American wives morphed two male-dominated religions into our one-of-a-kind female-dominated Judeo-Christian culture. Our country is what wives made it by taming the male nature and husbands into pleasing the women in their lives. Womanly influence is maximized at the breakfast table and pillow talk—provided her man has obligated himself by becoming devoted to her.

It raises the question. What makes him become devoted to her? Answer: Her likeability and his determination to be loyal to her without his fear of being dumped. Devotion builds as he pleases himself for the purpose of pleasing her, and his actions reinforce his feelings for her.

Men need neither religion nor morality; they can and will just fight out their differences. Women need both, which are essential to strengthen the female character, political relevance and influence, and ability to make better men out of their mates—as both better husbands and good examples for other men.

When society moves upward with moral standards, women dominate the culture. When women allow moral standards to deteriorate, society becomes more immoral and men come to dominate values and standards. As that happens, the culture declines and individual marriages are made weaker. Today, they are also made fewer, and female influence fades accordingly.

But notice this. Wives and not single women did it in the past, which means that marriage is critical to supporting a female-friendly society made that way by wifely dominance of cultural values and standards. Single women don’t wield influence over men except as power enables it on the job, but that doesn’t impress men to accept and adopt female value and standards off the job. Only wives can get men to change their ways in the direction of more female friendliness, and it requires a delicate, well-educated, patient, and feminine touch.

What does all that mean for teaching girls to avoid teen sex? How can girls do what’s right for themselves? How can they understand themselves, boys, men, mates, and their promiscuous peers, unless they know the likely consequences of interacting and how to both resist female peer pressure and outsmart males?

When moms teach it well, girls know what to do with it. The more females keep their feelings among their sex, the more mysterious women are to men, which reduces the male’s ability to take advantage, which keeps girls and women in the driver’s seat in their relationships.

I have more on this subject but inadequate time to get it organized and explained with the clarity I seek. Sorry, but the following will be more ‘miscellaneous’ in its identity.

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