- Husbands expect to be confirmed as dependable and significant, that which they think they are. Wife, however, because it’s what she considers important and makes her feel good about herself, showers him with affection. It is neither the same nor what men appreciate. He may like her affection, but it isn’t ‘payday’ for his efforts.
- A man needs only a place to flop, eat, throw his things, and prepare for tomorrow’s ‘battles’. Even a hut will do. A woman is driven to nest, nurture, and nestle with loved ones, but she needs a future that grows ever brighter, so a hut usually won’t do. The one with the greater need inherits the burden to make it happen.
- A man only needs a hut, but a woman wants a castle. She can get it by crowning him king, treating him royally, and calling it his castle. Or, she can learn to like their hut and soon tire of him and her.
- A man will visualize his hut a castle, if he’s treated as the king. A woman’s ego gets in her way. It restricts her from treating him as king, because she’s urged by Feminism to not elevate men and by her nature to dominate her nest and their home.
- A wife’s expectations about equality in housework, infant care, and other things cripples her likeability and worth, which works against keeping husband’s hormonal urges pointed only at her over the long marital road. It’s equality more than the work.
- Fathers withdraw from parenting when not upheld as good fathers by the mothers. A mom not upheld as a valuable and appreciated mother gets rid of father in spirit if not actuality.
- Honey-do lists become intolerable when Honey schedules, supervises, criticizes, or shows dislike of results.
- Husbands do not see the little nesting details of home life that irritate their wife. Reprimanding him for ‘blindness’ turns her into nagger, tyrant, or expendable mate.
- Feminism pressures men to change their behavior. However, in the social and domestic arenas the masculine nature erupts in often-silent but distinct individual ways that hurt feminist-think women.
- In spite of the popular myth of non-judgmentalism, character makes men more predictable to women. It’s a reading skill that girls develop best by saying no in adolescence. However, players take advantage of her ability to read men with a heart full of hope.
Category Archives: sex differences
I sense a rant coming on. When sex is everything, no room exists for recovery. Example, what does relationship recovery look like for women today? We are six or seven sub-generations* deep into Feminism. Is it paying off for women in their relationships with men?
Modern women don’t know jack about Jack and not enough about Jill. The sexes are born very different, yet cultural and political trending add constant pressure for them to be more alike. Unisex is no longer a popular term, but the pressure to achieve it is certainly common. (Toilets according to personal preference?)
Women routinely let a man’s sexual pleasure—and perhaps some claimed by her—to substitute for what they can no longer get reliably out of one man. Examples: brighter future for her, permanent relationship, mutual respect, mutual love, likeability based on persona rather than sexual compatibility, sexual fidelity, his duty to stay following a surprise pregnancy, fulfilled moral obligations, dependence on him, two-parent home, fathering their children, he provides and protects, family leadership, lifetime marriage. Oh, she might get a few of those, but her nature craves all of those benefits to be available with one man in her life.
Women can’t get what they want out of players and modern men, unless they agree that sex is everything or at least enough. Men don’t have much more to offer, because they don’t have too. Women are too liberal with their expectations about men. They can’t get their way except temporarily by yielding, can’t get what they expect to get except as they play the man’s game of cheap and easy sex. They rationalize that it’s enough in order to have their own man or avoid being dumped. They also swallow their pride, self-respect, and ability to negotiate for a better life for her and her kids.
Women themselves destroy the worth of their natural superiority at virtually no cost to men. No negotiations about obligations; just give aways that enable men to always win in the present but women lose for their future. Men by nature manage the present but ignore the future; they can handle whatever comes, which in itself—if not influenced by a well-loved woman—is enough to ruin a woman’s future.
Both sexes are born to get their way associating with other people. Jill straddles the wave of sexual freedom with legs spread, while Jack enjoys the greatest unobligated pleasures. Jack keeps promoting endless sex by endorsing political propaganda, media culture, and masculine habits of dealing with conquered females as disposables. Women fall for it, and men and women become enemies pretty much as planned by radical feminists and political revolutionaries more than half a century ago.
Women destroy their superior ability by favoring male dominance. They lower themselves to the level of men for the pleasure of sex and thereby lift responsibility from men to help care for their offspring. Men will keep forever the lid on that jar of life.
Only the crossing of female legs outside of marriage can restore a woman-governed society as once existed in America. Only marriage-obligated sex can recover manly respect of females, enable femininity to overpower feminist thought, enable men to appreciate ruling the marriage and family while wife runs both, and make it happen by utilizing the natural superiority of the female sex.
We are all born to get our way with others, which means that competition is the lifeblood of human interaction. Calm and peaceful competition depends on mutual respect, each gender for the other. Those days are long past; single men have virtually no respect for females, as evidenced by both the habits and growing popularity of players. Other men may have some respect left. Of course, if men are blamed, they claim that women are respected, but it’s a dumbed-down version caused by women not standing up for themselves.
Men get their way by out-competing other men, but they rely on the threat of—men have little else—physicality to dominate females. Women get their way by competing with women. They are well-born to outwit, outsmart, and outmaneuver men. But they are highly restricted, if they don’t use their physicality of crossed legs to capture and win sincere obligations by one man who chooses her as his.
Women have sexual assets that men will pay to access. If men don’t have to pay much, they can orbit through and around the female neighborhood satisfying manly urges with freedom. Hit and miss but never left out in the cold of female disapproval for not trying hard enough, for not meeting female values, standards, and expectations.
Unattractive women have less hope of capturing a man; their female sisters keep most of the men occupied and satisfied. With sex on his mind all the time, such as with players, only attractive dolls fit the bill. Gals with more than sex to offer don’t come into view, aren’t noticed, and are not observed long enough for their qualities to be admired, virtues uncovered, and for men to learn that sex isn’t everything.
Women are superior except when they forego or forget their strengths in order to have temporary boyfriend, husband, lover, ex, or just be popular. It enables men to exploit their dominance without competition. Women no longer get their way, unless its by endorsing the man’s game of sexual freedom.
*I count a sub-generation as six or seven years, because that’s how often boys and girls separate themselves from the previous generation with their choices in toys, music, apparel, habits, taste, chit-chat, preference to associate with peers, and adolescent openness with their unique personal bias. As adults, each sub-generation has its own hard-to-distinguish identity, but the latest is deeper into Feminism than previous ones.
This post disagrees with popular opinion about the worthiness of men. So be it. In the vernacular, marriages fail because conventional wisdom sucks.
Husbands are born to rule their marriage, but wives are born to run it. If the wife doesn’t run it and the husband at least appear to rule it, marital success doesn’t follow. She runs their marriage by getting her way in every way practicable and not dissatisfying way to him.
A ruler isn’t supposed to work except on his personal matters. Everyone else keeps the king satisfied. That’s all he needs, satisfaction with himself. So, the less involved he is, the easier to keep him satisfied with himself and those around him. Satisfied people stay in place; it generates stability.
And that’s where this article comes in. When the obligated member of the superior sex exploits her advantages without dissatisfying the obligated member of the dominant sex, the superior member gets her way more and more and oftener and oftener.
A husband’s satisfaction is the greatest determinant and measure of marital success. Men can live with far less than women expect. He gets his way when he wants it, and his sense of self-satisfaction determines when he gets enough. Worse for her, the greatest evidence is that she perceives his taking her for granted.
Here’s a way to measure the present-day condition of a marriage to determine how likely it will lead to marital success, defined as not perfect, perhaps not good, but the couple is unlikely to separate. IOW, these are the essentials that motivates a man to stay with his woman. A satisfied man doesn’t look for more to do inside her domain, so she reaps the reward of getting more of her way.
The following is a model to show men and women motivated by their natures. It excludes lessons learned in life by both sexes and, therefore, does not predict how individuals react in life.
- Husband is satisfied with himself in his current life. His life is programmed around achieving and maintaining that condition.
- Therefore, he made a wise move to quit living by himself and take up living with her. IOW, he’s satisfied with his marriage.
- He’s satisfied with wife filling her various roles in life: mate, woman, lover, housekeeper, mother, friend, et al. His respect and devotion to her and her likeability and loyalty are good enough to keep her.
- He is satisfied living with her, although if he tried he might find faults or shortcomings. But what the heck, why look. It’s good enough as is.
It works bottom to top. She generates the conditions that produce 3 and 4 from which he concludes 1 and 2. At any step, continuing and disruptive dissatisfaction could lead to his departure.
It makes wife’s job so easy. She only has to keep him satisfied with who she is and what she does. How could it be more simple to keep her husband? She has every ability to detect when he’s dissatisfied or unsatisfied with something and to fix it or alleviate the pressure. She may always want to fix it a certain way, but she can’t plead ignorance or innocence. Her relationship expertise qualifies her as sufficient.
Wives are not accustomed or happy working at the level of satisfaction. Their nature differs. They expect to do better. When they feel satisfied, there’s something else to do. They look elsewhere. They want to do more. Modern women to their everlasting discredit, expect to make their husband as satisfied as wife, but she’s never satisfied. Always more to do, improvements to make, worries to assuage—and he won’t get off his…. (Unfortunately, grudging is the seed for more faults, complaints, and endless bickering to get him doing something she wants or expects).
She gets to use the quiet female version of out-competing him as both husband and man. She gets her way more often. The proper wife gets her way in areas about which he senses no responsibility or doesn’t care how she does it. For example, the domestic scene.
Hence, by satisfying herself by getting her way more and more often, she need only keep an eye on him that he’s satisfied. She can dominate the marriage, because she gets to do what she wants to do. She gets her way as long as he is satisfied with himself.
Q. It makes one wonder; how come so many marriages fail?
A. Wives just have to do, say, and expect things about which husband doesn’t care to be involved. Wives don’t aim to keep his sense of satisfaction intact with himself as their measuring stick. They expect more; an apparent satisfied husband is not doing enough.
These things particularly disturb a man’s self-satisfaction:
- She complains about things, which he translates to mean he’s not okay because he doesn’t fix those things. Is he guilty? To blame? She’s not okay so it must be his fault.
- She complains or suggests that he’s at fault. Not again! What now? Guilty? Blame? She’s probably disguising something other than what she’s talking about? Should he have seen it first? He was that way when they married, why now? What’s really bugging her?
- She alibis for herself by explaining herself. Why tell him? She can fix it or already has.
- She complains about others as if he can do something. It’s her tone and manner that irritates and disturbs his sense of satisfaction with her.
Modern marriage can’t exist without wife explaining and complaining to her man; it relieves self-induced pressure. But wives should teach themselves how it disturbs their man’s sense of satisfaction. She can quickly learn what is tolerable and what is not.
This is the farthest from how modern women think and operate. Her smiles tell her man that he’s okay, and lack of complaints means that she’s okay. To a husband, okay means the marriage is working okay; he’s satisfied. Her smiles mean that wife is at least happy with herself, which adds significantly to hubby feeling satisfied with self.
Finally, all wife has to do is to keep getting her way about matters that don’t DIRECTLY concern husband. Quit trying to get him involved in everything. She stays busy and runs the show while he finds satisfaction in HER efforts rather than HIS, which to him are not significant accomplishments.
Her reward is getting her way throughout her life, except in his domain that includes his job, car, hobby, and other things for which he feels DIRECTLY responsible. As ruler, he’s INDIRECTLY responsible for everything else, and he can turn it over for her to manage. The more satisfied with her and her management, the more he lets her get her way.
The modern wife’s mindset is programmed that she is responsible for the marriage, but she does much better when she isolates one part to be her responsibility, namely the domestic domain. Not his manly domain of job and other things for which he feels DIRECTLY responsible.
Here’s another view of how women succeed or don’t succeed in life. If you recall, post 806 describes the pathway to female happiness, and this is part of how it works.
Life is a process and the female nature is designed to enable each woman to capitalize on it. Her inborn motivational forces push her around inside a model that looks remarkably like this.
She’s born with self-love, knows that she’s pretty, and has an endless urge to get her way associating with others. Sprouting out of self-love is self-gratitude for being alive with so much to give away or share with others, to be good by doing good, to get her way over matters for which she feels responsible. Note that self-gratitude stirs her to action more than desire to love. Who wants to love someone or something, if one can’t first be grateful for how they fit into one’s life? (It’s why she’s not likely to love a man who constantly irritates or criticizes her; she can’t be grateful for herself when she’s uncomfortable with him.)
Unless ruined by nincompoops in childhood, self-love and prettiness are permanent. Both bless her with self-gratitude that is, however, not permanent but subject to the surprises and moods of life. If her self-gratitude is weakened, she can’t give what she does not possess. And so, her relationship effectiveness also weakens.
When she is grateful for herself, 1) she gets her way by showing gratitude for others, 2) thereby appears important to them, 3) which confirms her primal motivational objective to reap self-importance, 4) which enlarges her self-gratitude, and 5) which gives her more of her “grateful charm” to spread around.
The more gratitude she spreads around, the more good that she does, and the better person she becomes. God designed her to become a better person, or doing so would not be pursued and so highly valued among women.
Consequently, the essence of female happiness is her gratitude, and the root is the daily “happys” that she earns. Doing her best eliminates self-doubt and -criticism.
Remember, that’s the design that women inherit at birth. If not followed somewhat along those lines, her relationships deteriorate. Looking at the behavior of modern women, my diagnosis is that they severely lack self-gratitude and thus hamstring themselves from an enjoyable life doing what women do so well (and men don’t do at all).
P.S. If she focuses on spreading her gratefulness, love will take care of itself. How do I know? A woman’s love doesn’t bond a man; he doesn’t think he deserves it. However, her gratitude comes across that he has value, may be admired, and suggests he’s good enough that she can depend on him. Those conditions are more satisfying than even her love.
- You can love a person a lot and not be comfortable living with them, or even feel the bonds are breaking. Examples: a) Sex does not bond a man and even great sex can become routine or even tiresome to a woman after romantic love fades a year or two after marriage. b) When living together, likeability—the appeal and desire for the presence of the other—outweighs love as a permanent connector.
- Think of marriage as three interlocking domains of different sizes with these labels: Hers, his, and theirs. The label indicates who’s personally responsible for being successful to the satisfaction and admiration of their mate. (Dividing up and accepting the responsibilities is a major function of good courtship.)
- Men forget more easily than forgive a woman’s mistakes. Women more easily forgive than forget a man’s weaknesses.
- Men are producers and oriented toward producing results. Women are processors and oriented toward developing relationships. Processors usually need help from someone to produce results that support their ambitions. Men seldom need help.
- A man’s ambitions arise out of his need for self-admiration. The admiration of others impresses him less than his own. A woman’s ambitions arise out of her need to feel important, and feedback reinforces it.
- What we don’t believe about ourselves, we can’t share with others. People respect or love others no more than their self-respect or self-love.
- The sexes differ again. Females think unearned gifts are their due. Males don’t appreciate them. The female nature causes women to display their love too soon or offer conquest before a man has earned the privilege.
- Women are born with plenty self-love but they lack self-respect. They have to earn it before they can respect others, and they do it best by acting as if they are highly respected. Two customs work best when she gets her way: 1) She upholds the best method by which men and women associate romantically, namely dates and courtships. 2) She shows great but quiet determination and spunk to deny access to her sexual assets. (If women don’t have standards, men run all over them.)
- A man’s love is based on unconditional respect for the female gender and conditional respect for one of its members. (In today’s social marketplace, the former is sadly lacking. Women pay a huge price at the hands of men who show more disrespect than respect, who promote masculinity at the expense of femininity.)
- Women are the relationship experts, and men don’t get involved with relationship management. (Push men into trying it and they suffer loss of self-respect and her likeability plummets. Why? Men don’t know what’s wrong or the cause. They are either in or not in a relationship. Not to blame, it’s their nature.)
- Few things reverse a woman’s attitude more quickly than her man saying, Honey, I was wrong!
- Few thing reverse a man’s attitude more easily than his woman saying, Honey, you are right.
- The more likeable she becomes to him, the more likeable he becomes to her. True!
- The more likeable he becomes to her, the more likeable she becomes to him. Not true!
- Recovery is everything, because everything is related to this: We all make mistakes frequently. The variables available to use to make a recovery are more important than the excuse someone has for stumbling mentally.
- Marital success depends upon her micromanaging the core of a marriage to get her way in her domain, and NOT intruding unwanted in the periphery, his domain.
- It’s life’s greatest challenge. He feels responsible for marital success because he doesn’t tackle something with intent to fail. But she runs the show because she has all the ability and expertise to generate their success together. For him to succeed well, he has to bow to her and her wisdom; he doesn’t have enough.
- Wise husbands enable themselves to rule the roost in title and practice, while they gently, quietly, and in background encourage their wives to govern and coach the rooster into eventually getting her way. (It’s an art that women possess from birth, except it may fail her if she doesn’t team with a man who finds her totally likeable.)
- Men follow women they like except when the female makes three mistakes. Women give away their ultimate bargaining power, premarital sex, which costs her too much of his respect. Women continually complain and blame a man’s shortcomings. Wives try to compete with their husbands, which reduces her likeability and eventually her acceptability.
- A man NEEDS only one thing—a place to flop, eat, throw his things, and prepare to fight his battles tomorrow. A woman NEEDS a brighter future, which can be a lot of things into which a man’s interest can be woven by her.