- This feminist motto has been around for decades and women now live it vigorously: “What men can do, women can do better.” The result of that and similar feminist-think is indifference toward men as valuable tools of society, dependable mates, and responsible family members. Indifference, being the opposite of love, women nevertheless spread it and expect their love to make up for any shortfalls to the female side of life. The impact on men returns to women as indifference for them as framers of cultural standards, social expectations, and permanent mates. Even worse, the feminist attitude that men are of limited usefulness leads to women being abandoned by their men, which is their inborn greatest fear.
- At her website, https://insanitybytes2.wordpress.com/2017/08/31/vagueity-vague-vague/, Insanitybytes22 made this statement in the comments section. “Somebody smart once said ‘what men fear the most is women’s indifference, but what women fear the most, is men’s fear.’” To which I add, women fear indifference—the opposite of love—from men. Yet, they shower their man’s significance—what he has done and can do—with indifference.
- Both sexes have one unique motivational force that overrides all others and lasts for life. After puberty, men are motivated to conquer attractive females. When each one yields, he has paid her price and so he owns their sexual agenda and his interest shifts toward a new target. Thus, men have a special sex drive for the unconquered and another for those already conquered. A mother’s love comes alive with each biological birth, lasts for life, and is as unique and motivationally powerful as the primal urge of men to conquer.
- Women need to be cherished, but men know little or nothing about womanly needs, especially how being cherished helps fulfill the female’s role as domestic partner.
- Individuals are born with free will to prosper themselves as they best see fit. Each is born to get their way associating with others, that is, competitively. Experience in life teaches when it’s possible, practical, unwise, and impossible to win the competition. It’s the essence of self-development, a process that lasts for life.
Category Archives: sex differences
God made male the dominant gender so a man could get his way, but mental and physical strength are never enough.
- To marry Mr. Right cripples a marriage. Once a gal sights and calls a guy Mr. Right, her screening process turns itself off on the presumption she found what she was after. After they wed, she sees flaws and perhaps red flags that she can’t live with. OTOH, if he screens good enough and she can live with his flaws, she has several marital decades to help him morph himself into Mr. Right by way of finding greater satisfaction living in her grateful presence.
- God gave women the talent, skills, and motivational energies for generating and maintaining a relationship as a couple, all the way from dating through marriage and family development. God gave men none of those motivational energies or abilities; whatever men achieve in relationships, they learn from females. Therein lies the challenge that women call burden to avoid doing what they should do as the only experts.
- Man and woman meet up full of mutual interest. Two conquerors face off. He seeks first sex without obligation; she seeks sincere obligation before first sex. She expects to be romanced; he views romance as part of foreplay and doesn’t deliver what she expects. She expects his love of her to develop quickly and openly as does her love of him; he expects her to earn his respect first or else his behavior doesn’t become very loveable and she faces disappointment.
- I hope to show that the fault lies with females—mothers, grandmothers, girls, bachelorettes, wives, and widows. Each plays a part in conditioning man-think into female friendly behavior. Men are born without the need of romance, intimacy, love, togetherness, morality, and religion. They learn the hows, whats, whens, and whys from females in their lives.
- A male’s inborn ambitions lead to continually doing something, accomplishing things that include both purposeful downtime and R&R, and thus adding to his significance. As he develops, a work ethic develops from his habits and successes. However, without good parenting, direction can be faulty and lack guidance. Self-development determines whether he is productive for society, women and children, and beneficial or harmful for self. Each man’s natural under-developed work ethic enables mothers, girls, bachelorettes, and wives to enhance his self-development to the advantage of females and society.
God made female the superior gender, so a wife can get her way.
- Gals to one another disclose every detail in their lives. It brings them close together out of which trust and comfort develop. Mistakenly, they do the same with men. It doesn’t work and gal finds herself dropped by guy.
- I quote from a lady’s comment in July 2011. “But, in my eyes, I saw him as the only person I could depend on because I had confided everything in him.” Does it not illustrate relationship blunders? 1) She trusts him just because he listens? 2) She reveals herself, sends vibes of desperation, and he deciphers her weaknesses with little effort. 3) She smothers her mystery with anxiety to please him or her, and he doesn’t stay long. 4) She talks abundantly instead of listening early in a relationship. 5) She misses the opportunity to earn a man’s respect early-on by listening to him describe himself as the seller and thus aligning his thinking with her in the role of buyer. 
- A woman’s ambitions motivate her to confirm her importance by continually keeping everything in life balanced and moving toward a brighter future. All well and good, except it’s the opposite of trying to open, build, and sustain a relationship with a man. In courtship, he should be getting used to the idea that he makes her future brighter.
- He figures a woman out from what he sees and not what he hears. She is opposite. So, she should enable him to talk a lot and listen accurately, thoughtfully, and pleasantly (aka smilingly). Especially in the early weeks and months of a relationship.
- A gal looking to find Mr. Right loves that idealized model before it appears. She focuses on her loving him more than his earning her. It’s self-defeating, as unnoticed flaws will become very evident and discouraging after marriage.
- She wants to be loved and cherished, but boyfriend or husband knows far less than what she expects. Men prefer to do what they can rather than inquire about what she expects. Providing what he thinks satisfies her, it satisfies him with himself, and he grows no more in the direction of what she expects.
- After puberty has passed, teens and men need to be shown more respect for their self-love to grow. It means that more respect shown by his woman generates more potential to love her. Women need to be shown more love for self-respect to grow. It means that more love shown to her generates more potential to respect him.
- Common sense woman, wherefore art thou? Now that gals are mistakenly convinced that sex helps capture and hold a husband, dating fades in favor of just hooking up. I hear it’s becoming common for women to call men at night, and ask if they can come over for sex.
- A woman’s attractiveness isn’t universal except for manly desire to conquer her; it’s how the male nature works. Attractive enough to marry applies to few or very few. It’s hard for a woman to believe that, because all women are born convinced they are pretty. But men don’t marry ‘pretty’. A man marries a self-identified virtuous woman, whose prettiness he calls beauty. Virtues abound in a woman’s persona, if he discovers them before conquest. Reason? After conquest he quits looking for weaknesses to get her in bed. No longer looking means he no longer accidentally discovers qualities that he can admire, aka virtues, and she becomes no more virtuous than she was before conquest.
- Since day one in November 2007, my blog baseline has been that God designs, Nature endows, and hormones energize the sexes to be different in many ways. This is blog day 3585, and I paint a much larger picture. God designs the sexes to also be born alike in certain ways. Each individual is capable of being compatible with a mate, each possesses free will, each is a self-developer of who and what they are to become in life, and each seeks to get their own way whenever possible or practical.
- Each individual seeks to get their own way. It makes competition the major energizer in the pursuit of self-interest, which motivates everyone to get on with both self-development and life among others.
- Family harmony is much easier achieved under these conditions. Mother raises and disciplines the children. What husband doesn’t like, he deals with his wife. She as mother than deals with the kids. Father makes himself available to protect mom’s authority, enhance family morale, and help mom keep family values and thinking aligned and focused on producing mature adults.
In the normal course of events, a wife has to guess whether she’s cherished or not. She has to presume it indirectly from all the signs and signals that originate in or reflect from husband’s words and actions. It’s not a very rewarding game, but many women have to play it as the only way available way to feel cherished. A more direct way exists, but men know so little about it that women see too little of it.
Intimacy has two forms. Passionate as prelude to sex and non-passionate when sex is over or of no intent at the moment. Passionate intimacy cherishes her as sex partner, but she may or may not feel cherished as a woman. Non-passionate intimacy cherishes her as a wife. She hopes for both. However, the non-passionate carries more weight; cherished as a wife includes her sex appeal or husband’s satisfaction; unless something shows otherwise.
Men have little trouble showing passionate intimacy to get what they want. It confirms a female’s sex appeal. Some women may take it as being cherished, but wives don’t. Passionate intimacy leaves cherishment incomplete, but the non-passionate form cherishes her dynamically as a wife. Sensing deep in her heart that she will live a fulfilling life, she desires to be cherished as a whole, successful, and important person even over and above being a woman.
A female expects to be equal as a person, respected as a woman, and used as a sex object. The easier she yields the latter outside of marriage, the more difficult to earn respect. The less respect she earns as a woman among men, the less she finds herself treated equally as a person. To be cherished as a wife compensates for shortfalls in that formula.
What a woman expects does not arise out of the male nature; men are not made that way. So, she has to lay the groundwork out of which she’s hopeful that he will cherish her. How then does she embellish her relationship such that husband or her man cherishes her more than he’s naturally inclined?
Her objective: Condition husband’s thought processes so that he more frequently expresses his devotion at opportune moments, especially just before going to sleep. How? The essence of being cherished can be found in the gratitude that husband/father has for wife/mother, but the male nature works against expressing close emotional ties. So:
- Get the TV and late night shows out of the bedroom. It’s tough for him to think of expressing intimacy to a “well-used” wife after watching all the shapely dollies prance around. Having just watched hunks outshine her man, wife easily forgets that she’s trying to encourage his intimate behavior, which is the most direct source of her being cherished.
- Go to bed at the same time. Find ways to encourage him to hold her, snuggle, get personal in his talk, and caress her as the last functions before sleep; e.g., inquire as to what he’s grateful for—then, now, and future. Find ways to connect his gratitude to her presence, and add intimacy to pillow talk.
- Discreetly shift family habits of thought and conversation away from both kid and adult problems and toward finding gratefulness in whatever life brings; e.g., wife explains to kids at the dinner table how her husband’s accomplishments lead to benefits for kids and family.
- Only a good and tough mom can do this. Develop and use a ritual to teach family members to find gratitude in each other; e.g., develop this new habit for all members. The birthdate of each member each month will be celebrated by the family seated without absentees at the dinner table. Enforce the code that each member earns the respect of all others on their special day each month. The topic of conversation is to find things for which others are grateful for the ‘guest of honor’ that day. Yes, four kids and you have six dinners together each month, but only one member is highlighted each time. (Just an idea to spur hubby to habitually think about what he’s grateful for.)
A woman’s mission in life is to make herself important to both self and others. She shares herself, spreads her love, enjoys the rewards of giving, and satisfies herself that she is good by doing good. She helps fulfill the lives of those important to her, and her family outranks others. She’s helped along by the natural reward that comes from giving of love and doing for others.
She longs for frequent approval by the most important person in her life. As a girl, it’s usually her father, as wife her husband, and as shack up her man. If he’s not the most important, then fulfillment as a woman escapes her.
The sexes are born with distinctly different motivational energies. A man aims at keeping himself satisfied with himself throughout life. He needs little help, and shortcomings and failures are usually his problem.
A woman’s motivational energies are tri-functional. 1) She aims at being good by doing good. 2) She seeks happiness by being grateful for self, others, and life. 3) She fulfills her female destiny by giving birth, being cherished by the person most important to her, and by having a mate to give purpose to her later years.
Many women miss out, choose other paths, or are trained in childhood for other things. They can still have a good and happy life. However, without fulfilling her destiny, women feel less important about themselves, less successful in life, and less satisfied with fulfilling their inborn motivations, girlhood dreams, and expectations about adult life.
Childbirth and having a mate to give purpose to her later years need no discussion here. They happen as the result of lengthy chains of events with someone else involved. Cherished by the person most important to her is another matter; it’s the subject here.
Watch this, ladies. A wife is as cherished as she thinks she is. IOW, she concludes that she’s cherished or not by how she’s honored and treated by the most important person in her life. He doesn’t do cherishing per se, because men don’t know how or even what it means in terms of what he should do. Hubby and wife could argue for decades, if the issue is whether or net she is cherished.
She is isolated in her thoughts about being cherished. To include husband is to involve him in relationship management, and men don’t recognize the need for that. His relationship is okay and working, or its not.
She decides whether she’s cherished or not from how hubby admires her. His admiration spotlights her virtues as they live life together. She then figures she’s cherished or not from the manner in which he handles her closely or distantly as love and sex object, respected wife, trusted lover, teammate or tolerable load, dependable or questionable, stalwart or weak, attractive or okay, stable or unpredictable, doer or complainer, faithful or doubtful.
Thus, whether she later becomes cherished or not depends on 1) screening a man for his likeability and potential to admire her, 2) continually pursuing the affirming and positive side of their life together, and 3) loosening his nature against displaying emotional connections.
Items 1) and 2) have been covered in this blog, but Item 3) is new and more closely and directly connected to cherishment than anything else. It is non-passionate intimacy and subject of the next article.
Men are reasonably simple to describe until it comes to loving someone—including themselves. At birth boys lack two vital ingredients essential for their hearts to develop and later distribute as love of others. 1) Unlike girls, boys are born with no sense of self-love. They can’t give what they don’t have. 2) They are born with a sense of responsibility, however, but only to themselves; others are left out of that genetic predisposition.
Men are born to love and be responsible only for what they want to do, and it doesn’t include other people or even themselves to love. Lessons learned later in life program their hearts much too easily with disdain for self-love, love of others, and female friendly ways. Even hate is possible. Those lessons, whatever the outcome, mostly arrive under the sponsorship of parents.
Men learn to love others indirectly. First, they learn to love themselves, and second they expand their sense of responsibility to include others than just themselves. Again, it happens in childhood or not likely at all.
Women are born to love others including themselves. Mating couples can’t succeed very well, however, unless women program the masculine heart with lovable and loving kindness that moves manly interest toward female-friendly interests and conditions. IOW, men become what Womanhood—to the extent that women act alike—expects them to become.
Men don’t love women and kids unless mothers civilize boys about life in the domestic arena; teen girls tame boys to get their way and make boys learn to appreciate female life in the social arena; bachelorettes smooth out the ruffled feathers of masculinity; and wives complete their man’s self-development to promote and harmonize family friendliness.
A man’s ability to love others arises from a two-step process. 1) His potential to love future wife and kids arises during self-development in his growing-up years. His latent ability develops from actions that program him with loveable, peaceable, and harmonizing thoughts and loyalty that overwrite any disinterest and hate for self and others. 2) His love becomes fulfilled with later experience investing himself in the care and lives of those he loves. His actions program his heart, and the greater his investment of self, the greater his sense of duty to provide, protect, etc.
Men see the love of someone else as a duty, and men do their duty to satisfy themselves. By self-development and expanding his sense of responsibility to include others, duty becomes routine and his love becomes more evident.
Left to themselves, boys self-develop strictly loyal to self. OTOH, they develop with broader interest in other people when they learn who they are, what they do, and what roles they fill in life in the process of peaceably handling daily chores. Consequently, the fewer and less challenging the chores, the more loyal boys remain to self and less potential they develop for loving and being responsible for others.
The daily expression of fulfilling responsibility for chores programs their hearts. They may never learn to love the chores. However, they learn to like themselves for pleasing someone else, mostly mom, and displaying their ability. That is both personal growth and self-development. They become more unique as new chores challenge their maturity and they incorporate chores into their self-developmental habits. It all works as God designed us: Actions program the heart during the decade between toddler and puberty.
After a decade of chores, boys are programmed with both reason to love self and acceptance that their sense of duty includes other people and things in life. IOW, boys develop habits of externalizing rather than internalizing their thoughts, efforts, and satisfactions, which programs their hearts for sharing love more easily by accepting responsibility for others.
Parents and mostly mothers have one solution to overcome developmental obstructions. It is the continual assignment and peaceful supervision of chores. Over a decade, that process turns out mature adults capable of personal devotion and loyalty to others, and it flourishes particularly for parents who lead by example and suppress disturbance with love rather than turmoil. Thus, the childhood habit of loyalty to one’s chores emerges in adulthood as loyalty to those for whom one is responsible.
In the final analysis, boys are born lacking self-love and with his sense of responsibility focused directly on himself alone. Girls are born lacking in self-respect. Work in the form of chores develops both a boy’s self-love and expands his sense of responsibility to include others. Chores between toddler and puberty breeds self-respect in girls.
After his conscious mind opens in his third year, with good parenting, boys learn both self-love and to expand his sense of duty to include others by self-consciously performing chores that are not demeaning but which uplift him through achievements. Success performing chores slightly more mature than he is at the time program his heart with both self-love and ability to be responsible to and for others. Out of the process of performing endless boyhood chores imposed peaceably by motherly values, standards, and expectations inculcated into his still-developing character, a boy begins teen life with a heart full of mature man-think by the time puberty has passed.