In the realm of describing men to you, we start with how you differ. Let it shape your thinking as we later move into describing how to interact with men.
Men don’t love as you do. Both sexes are born hard-headed. However, you’re born soft-hearted and he’s born hard-hearted. Unless you allow yourself to be totally dominated, your soft-heartedness enables you to lure him into a long courtship/marriage that softens his hard-headedness, which over time with aging mellows his persona into Mr. Right.
Boil love down to one operative term and you find that yours is affection, his is loyalty. But notice too, that’s what you primarily expect from the other but not what the other prefers to deliver. Men sense little duty to deliver affection unless trained better by you. Women prefer to deliver love, affection, and closeness, which men don’t appreciate all that much. Men expect respect, gratefulness, and dependence, which you don’t deliver all that well.
A man doesn’t seriously think of marriage until four issues tickle his curiosity, flood his imagination with self-talk about likely outcomes, and promise to satisfy his expectations living with someone. 1) You will or will not be conquered without marriage. 2) Your combined virtues display great promise for maintaining his home and supporting whatever he does to advance his ambitions both with work and other people for whom he accepts responsibility aka duty. 3) You outshine most other women. As he imagines it, you’re obviously dedicated to upholding your virtuous nature at least to the promise of being faithful to him. Not just sexually but cooperatively, encouragingly, and inspiringly. 4) He’s considering investing himself into life with you, so can he be totally confident that he’s not making a mistake? Are your really who he thinks you are? Can he really become with you what he intends to be as husband and father?
That’s in the foreground, in the conscious process of a man who’s willing to think of getting married. The fascinating part takes place in the background, in his heart.
At your first encounter, or development of mutual interest, two conquerors face off. One seeks conquest, the other seeks marriage, and both hide their agendas. A man first likes you because of what he sees and hears from you. It’s your sexual attractiveness, emotional attractiveness, and likeability rolled into one, and he fully expects you to remain that way always with him. You make attraction mutual with immediate or slow-to-develop infatuation that begins with his good looks or his interest in you.
He spots and hears two likeable features, which we have to separate in order to describe what follows here over the next few days. 1) You’re sexually attractive but push it aside except when specifically mentioned below. The urge to conquer always lurks, and we need to push it into the background of the background to grasp the full meaning of his other motivations. 2) You’re emotionally attractive, which for the most part to men means that you’re likeable, pleasant, and quick to listen and admire him. Consequently, he springs into action, so let the pursuit begin. You’re willing as long as you feel important relative to him.
He pursues with conscious thoughts of making you like him, while he looks for weakness that can be used to convince you into bed. He focuses on the former, while the latter lurks beneath the surface. While looking for weakness, surprisingly, he uncovers qualities that he admires. Example: You’re smart. You eat ‘slimingly’. You talk well, like his jokes, and smile into his eyes.
His search for weakness gets pushed further into background mode by newly discovered qualities worthy of his admiration, which to him are virtues, which combine over time to make you a virtuous woman, which can then morph into fascination, which comes across as wifely potential. To the extent your virtues accumulate, his respect for you grows, and a man’s love is based on respect. To the extent that your virtuous likeability and fascination continue as he expects, then his intuitive opposition to marriage starts to crumble.
Contrary to how modern women behave, women compete with other women to win a man. When they compete with men—except about their first sex together—they don’t score very well. The importance of your likeability and his desire to marry flows out of ‘comparison shopping’. He sees you in competition with other women. When you outshine them, he more ardently admires your features, traits, and habits that are so uniquely attractive-to-him. Your actions demonstrate dedication to your virtues and persuade him of your sincerity, trustworthiness, and faithfulness and convince him that you’re better for him than his independence and other women.
Who you’re dealing with will be posted tomorrow as 2179.