Category Archives: sex differences

2510. Mr. Right Ain’t What Young Gals Think


A young woman dreams of and wrongly seeks Mr. Right. I say wrongly because she bypasses a deep screening of his worth to her. She just guesses about his intentions, he likely has to earn little to conquer her, and she will find he is someone else after that momentous event—perhaps that she’s not the keeper she dreamed of becoming.

If she acknowledges a man as her Mr. Right, her emotions make her heart flutter in the wrong way at the wrong time. Simply calling a man Mr. Right leads her to make many mistakes so she won’t lose him, but it happens anyway sooner or later and perhaps after marriage.

It’s not the guy either; her immediate willingness to commit and not lose him strikes a heart filled with too much infatuation. She too easily reverts to immature thoughts and adolescent-think that make her try too hard to be liked. It doesn’t work except by her yielding early sex and winning him temporarily.

If she craves fun, sex, games, and pleasure as her main interest to please him, she might think of a short marriage at best and none at worst. Romantic love fades in a year or two, but she expects it to continue. With childish infatuation she programmed herself for it to continue forever. She begins to detect undesirable changes in their relationship. She then tries too hard, feels desperate, and acts immature and superficial, and he becomes unworthy of her devotion.

It happens because men may like sex and fun, but they don’t marry for life the woman who lives that way. If not reality, her actions symbolize promiscuity and men seek to marry a virtuous woman. Mutual romantic love kept it hidden for a couple of years, and enduring love never developed. Now, she faces the error of her ways, if not before.

If she captured him, Mr. Right probably didn’t completely buy into her. Romantic love perhaps, but no devotion. Women like to talk. Men are not all that fond of listening to conquered women. She does best who learns to keep her talk interesting to him and try her best not to interrupt his thoughts. It’s not her, but him. Interrupting his thoughts show disrespect for who he is, albeit subliminal. It’s a natural conqueror’s right that loses its importance when she learns to be careful and considerate, or she took the time to allow his devotion to develop.

Not devoted to her, Mr. Right is sensitive to unlikeable behavior. The female nature guides a woman to cooperate with her man. He’s the competitor by nature and she’s not. However, situations cause women to get in husband’s face, argue to no end, and hope to put him down or embarrass him. It’s no good, ever.

Oh, she may win her battle or even deserve some revenge. But his male nature advises him not to take it for three reasons: 1) She may be right and thus beat him, and no self-respecting man loses to a woman. 2) Conqueror’s right ‘bought’ her cooperation and she lost her right to compete by his now ‘owning her’. 3) She’s very unlikeable as a mate when she fights against him, and loss of likeability reduces whatever of Mr. Right’s love has developed and short circuits his desire to stay with her.

There is only a Mr. Good Enough for the woman seeking a lifetime marriage, which means that he was well screened as worthy of her. An all important issue impacts whether he will ever become her knight in shining armor. Before his conquest, she’s in competitive mode and can convince him of how she lives and expects to continue in married life. She best lays the groundwork for submission during courtship, because after they marry, she has only what she negotiates and free will as defense. She has to think ahead to win the ability to make sound judgments where and with whom her benefits and advantages begin and end.

Mr. Right will likely arrive later in their marriage, if she begins with Mr. Good Enough. Lo and behold, within their relationship made happy by how she harmonized it over a couple decades, hubby becomes Mr. Right as her long hoped-for knight on white charger. How could she have lived without him?

As part of the female nature, and I think designed that way, women receive their most glorious rewards late in life for the good life they have led. OTOH, men receive their rewards early in life, and not necessarily for living the good life. They seldom  acknowledge their satisfaction after many years of a good marriage, except when someone else brings it up and they can pass credit to their wife. After the midlife crisis, they can do it easily, but even then they usually don’t initiate such an admission. The most devoted men, however, find it easy to admit, which speaks well of her harmonizing their home and satisfying her man. Mr. Right is the finest tribute to her handiwork, when she ends rather than tries to start with him.

Note: If you seek more on the subject, five other articles have Mr. Right in the title on the CONTENT page.

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Filed under courtship, Dear daughter, feminine, Fickle female, marriage, sex differences

2505. Two Kinds of His Respect for Her


These are the two damnedest phenomena in all of human relations—and least understood by females.  1) A man has two sex drives. One that drives him to conquer unconquered women. Another satisfies his physiological desire for frequent sex with a woman already conquered—a distinct pair of primal urges.

2) He also has two levels of respect for a woman. The first she earns by refusing to yield to his conquering urges. The more time involved refusing him—and ingenuity and originality used to outwit, outsmart, and outmaneuver without his losing interest—the more respect she earns.

If he had her worthy sexual assets, he would make someone pay a hefty price to access them, and so he respects resistance and is willing to compete with her until after conquest. The growth of his respect stops with conquest, but it so impresses him that it stores permanently in his subconscious. It’s a natural function attached to his urge to conquer. She won his respect and he never loses that foundation upon which his love develops.

The second form of his respect is far less permanent. It is what she earns by virtue of post-conquest behavior in her multiple roles in life, such as sex partner, wife, mother, friend, talented artist, or sport or political figure. It can add to development of his love, but is secondary to respect earned before conquest.

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Modern women miss the boat. He seeks to conquer her without obligation; she seeks to conquer him for marriage. The winner has the greatest managerial control of their future relationship, but he knows nothing of relationship management and knows little but to exploit male dominance. Consequently, the greater his respect she earns before conquest, the more willingly he accepts the female governance that enables her to manage a successful marriage.

Both sexes are born to be compatible and mate. Men are willing if rewarded for husbanding and fathering, generally with comfort, enjoyment, few complaints, and plenty of smiles. Women hope for permanence and their relationship expertise provides the talent and skill to produce it. To use it, however, they need his respect even more than his love. OTOH, unmarried sex makes females the inferior spouse, because they lose the masculine respect needed to convince a man to live the life of which women dream and which either God intended or evolution programmed into us.

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2503. Both Born to Love


Not surprising, the sexes differ many ways at birth but amazingly different about love. It’s a wonder they ever find enduring compatibility when they mate up. It’s a major reason women have to work so enterprisingly to catch and keep a man.

Men are born as described below but they don’t live life that severely. Mothers and girls touch their lives before they grow up, and it makes them much more acceptable and female friendly. Later in life, however, women mistakenly think a man is simple to understand, that he can be captured by sex, won by her love, and kept by her intention to produce a great married life. Her exuberance turns him off as he takes it as unearned gift, which men do not appreciate nearly as intended.

Men are born to love sex for the sake of sex, love work for the sake of personal satisfaction, and love a woman for the sake of comfort and enjoyment she adds to his present life. Love to men is more a series of independent actions than words or process. He has other things to do; his agenda calls.

Oriented toward accomplishment, words mean little but actions mean much. A man is a self-developed, -composed, and -strengthened individual. He requires so little from others, only what he determines he needs, and that is seldom words of love. Consequently, he doesn’t easily share his love, and when he does it is with actions rather than words. He is notoriously inconsiderate, shortsighted, or absent when a woman’s ears crave just a few words to confirm his love.

Women are born to love 1) someone bigger than themselves for the sake of guidance in how to live, parents in childhood and God later. 2) They are born to love love for its own sake and can’t be happy without sharing the love in their heart. 3) They love a mate for the sake of being loved intimately, both emotionally and physically. 4) They provide mother love for the sake of completing their personal fulfillment. Love to women is more a continuous process of mutually confirming actions and words.

Women wonder why their man can’t be more expressive with his love. Three reasons: He’s more a man of action than words. Disclosing his inner feelings is a sign of weakness. Perhaps more importantly, it puts him in competition for who can express their love more meaningfully for he knows he will lose—it’s why men don’t compete with conquered women—and so he just lets his actions speak and gives her the floor for words of love. Unless he’s been trained to recognize her needs, he is basically unaware of how her ears crave his words of love, importance, and intimacy.

In the final analysis, men are much more complex about love than are women. His single mindedness, compartmentalized mind as we call it today, has to be structured to love one woman. Women are born with the relationship expertise to handle that task. They have to rely more on their female nature than modern life, pop culture, and feminist propaganda, if they hope to capture and hold a man for life. That’s what this blog has been about from the get go almost nine years ago.

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2499. Love and Sex That Never Die


Of all the motivational forces working inside males and females, two stand out as both strongest and unchangeable. An inborn and primal love for females and an inborn and primal sex drive for males. As motivating equivalents, they are the hardest to blunt or change. They are not opposites to be balanced, however, and only women can make relationship harmony out of the difference.

Mother love is unconditional and the most powerful and reliable form of love. Returned or not, it’s a love that never dies but spreads easily and comfortingly to both sexes.

The male sex drive to conquer attractive women for first-time sex together is equally compelling. Whether fulfilled, appreciated, or not, it’s a drive that never dies. It’s an activity, however, that is kept in the shadows with no social or domestic benefits redeemable by unmarried women.

This difference makes female the superior gender. Mother love spreads splendidly with more children. It makes better mothers, easier-to-raise children, and is contagious enough to even make better fathers. It supports the innate female drive to be good, do good things to prove it, and induce men to do good in order to be better men. The more mother love that spreads around, the better are both society and the cultural values and standards that follow and support it. Father love is generally not contagious, as love is not a prime male interest.

One instinctive motivation reinforces men as the dominant gender. Men affirm their dominance to hide determination to be different from women, especially to fulfill the primal urge to conquer the unconquered. Conquest does not grow the man, does not make him a better person, Consequently, the conqueror as such contributes little to making society better and can destroy his own family by fulfilling that primal urge.

When exposed to good mother love spread over many children, a man’s interest in conquest deteriorates in favor of devotion to those he can love more if he disregards the lures outside the home. Mother love favorably influences fathers, and the more the better. It is indirect leadership that lures the male nature to join the lovingly pleasant atmosphere that mothers develop. Two abiding strengths of mother love are plenty of smiles to confirm acceptance and guidance with few complaints to lead positively. Those are the same wifely behaviors that deliver home life satisfaction to husbands.

You heard it here first. That is why families should plan for six children so they will end up with at least five and can handle seven or eight. The indirect but pleasant pressures of mother love make more responsible fathers out of irresponsible men, outstanding mothers out of average women, potential good parents out of children, and matriarchal dynasties for grandparents. The source of all is the love of mothers for offspring, and the more children the merrier for all involved. Selfishness disappears, self-centeredness morphs easily into family-centeredness, tendency toward narcissism is suppressed by need to be accepted.

Thus, it is proportional. Multi-child responsibility brings out more of a woman’s natural managerial talent, skill, and enthusiasm—that for which she is born with a supremely superior ability. The admiration of husband and father exceeds that of a virtuous woman; she becomes his superstar with about the fourth or fifth child. It’s God’s design, nature, and hormones in operation.

When mother love dominates families and society, the superiority of it shines in many homes. At the earliest stages, kids learn good and bad, moral and evil, respect and love. We all benefit in society when mother love is widespread and dominating both social and domestic  landscapes. It takes more children to bring it out in the open.

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Filed under courtship, Culture & Politics, Dear daughter, Home CEO, marriage, nurturing, sex differences, Sociology 101

2498. — Courtship Success


Every successful couple needs two foundations. If one never forms or forms weakly, staying power is lost. The foundations are respect and love, respect is the most important, and both depend upon actions more than words.

Their natures interact differently.

  • Men respect those who earn their respect. Until conquered they highly value female sexual assets more than the female as person. So, the more protective of her assets to delay conquest, the more of a man’s respect she earns. Without respecting her, a man’s proclaimed love is not true. (I believe it to be proportional, his greater respect brings forth his deeper love.)
  • Women reinforce their love with words. Her loving words program her heart with more sincerity and intensity. Thus, her words more than actions determine her beliefs and feelings, which guide her motivations. Men, believing action more easily than words, find her words largely unconvincing without actions as proof. So, the more a gal tries to talk her way into gaining a guy’s love, the poorer she does.
  • OTOH, her refusal to yield their first sex together discourages what he longs for, can frustrate, and induce his departure—if she does not know how to hold his attention and capture his affection with her likeability.
  • A woman’s most impressive action is to refuse their first sex together. Each refusal magnifies his challenge, earns her more respect, adds to her worth as potential mate, reinforces her self-love as person, and diminishes his view of her as just another sex object.
  • A man expects to be automatically respected, period. He is who he is, period. He does what he does, period. She expects to be loved for who she is, what she does, and how she expresses it. In fact, she becomes the loving person she sincerely expresses.
  • His actions program his heart with conviction that he’s right and thereby become habits of behavior. Thus, his actions determine his beliefs and feelings. When his actions make him feel good to please her, his devotion develops and grows as the result of living up to please someone more important than himself. (It works that way with mother-love and God too, does it not?)
  • The result is that he cannot love her without respecting her, and she has to earn his respect. He doesn’t have to earn her love; she gives it willingly but men don’t appreciate unearned gifts. And there is the rub, the glitch, the dog that won’t hunt.

If he does not earn her love, his heart is never programmed with the actions that form the habits of loving someone, especially someone more important than himself. So, courtship success depends on her making it mutual. She earns his respect by delaying conquest, while he earns her love by proving himself worthy of her. By insisting on both points, she becomes the person in charge, the buyer as it were, which pushes him into the seller role. By following her female nature more closely as the relationship expert, she becomes able to breed success in courtship.

When she does it properly according to her female nature, she finds that he does most of the work if she just quits talking too much trying to convince him that she is the one for him. Posts 1912 and 2180 describe how a man walks himself to the altar.

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2497. Friendly Reminders — 14


  • Women are great cooperators and thereby excel at marriage. Men are great competitors and thereby excel in single life. Women should learn to compete better in their bachelorette days. Remaining chaste justifies competition that men are willing to accept or leave if they are only after sex. Men should learn to cooperate better in their married days; remaining faithful is the most sought after demonstration.
  • To raise good kids, teach girls to make themselves important in the eyes of others by simply being grateful for them. Teach boys to see themselves as admirable through their accomplishments. Teach girls to find things to admire about boys. Teach boys to find high value in girls’ strength to stand up for things and courage to stand up to boys. Boys automatically appreciate girls’ accomplishments. Girls automatically appreciate boys’ importance in life. So, those don’t have to be taught directly.
  • Boys pursue sex until stopped by a girl’s self-confidence that rises up to protect her virtue. If necessary by even damaging masculine self-respect. Successfully protecting her virtue enhances her self-respect, which reinforces her self-confidence. So, confidently protecting what boys see as her virtue makes her character more admirable and, hence, more virtuous in male eyes.
  • Once she chooses a man to wed, she shouldn’t blame him too much for what goes wrong with their relationship. She is the relationship expert most able to maintain and sustain their marriage. Passing the blame justifies her to quit trying, which destroys an expert’s effectiveness.
  • A man may claim commitment or assert devotion as he asks for a woman’s financial help, loan, or even sharing the dinner check. He may claim unconditional devotion with words. But his actions signify a weak sense of personal responsibility and make him less convincing as the alpha male he tries or she hopes him to be. Even beta males seldom act so wimpish.

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2495. Friendly Reminders — 12


  •  The self-fulfilling prophecy provides success for women, children, and families. At the macro level females respect the opposite sex more than their own. Having their gender respected leads men to presume they’re respected for being masculine. They more eagerly heed what women say and more diligently rise to provide and protect.
  • Providing a woman with emotional security makes a man a keeper. Supporting, confirming, and promoting his significance makes her a keeper.
  • Children perceive an aura of authority (aka power) surrounding an authority figure. Shrouded in fear, authority threatens. Shrouded in compassion, it earns gratitude. Shrouded in emotion, it creates unpredictability and doubt. Shrouded in dignity, it earns respect.
  • People who sense they lack control over their lives become frustrated, challenged, aggressive, and depressed. It says a lot about both depression and aggressive behavior being unnatural states of mind that come from freedom denied.
  • Wives worry all the time because they are so future oriented. They worry most, however, when husband worries or they are disregarded, ignored, or otherwise made inconsequential in husband’s life.
  • Mothers love their sons for their weaknesses. Wives don’t have enough forgiveness in their hearts to love husbands that much.

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