Category Archives: sex differences

2242. Feminine Mystery in Marriage


EDITOR’S NOTE: I repost article 1349 and add this postscript four years after the original. I left something out. Throughout the following I say to “admire” him. But I don’t say this: Don’t admire him with words, woman talk doesn’t convey feelings to men regardless of how excited or angry she may be. He sees her condition but it doesn’t duplicate in his heart. Her actions do penetrate his heart, both admirable and condemning actions.

Admire him with actions or surprising words that vary and make you unique. Example: He upgrades your vacation plan and balances the budget to cover it. Smile big and go fix him a treat. Or smile as well pleased and ask him that night, “Could you accept me as adequate reward for your magnificent budgeting?” Remind him again at your vacation spot; toast his budgeting with your first drink (not him, his budgeting). Be grateful for who enables what in your life, and let husband know that your admiration comes in various ways that make you more mysterious, which makes more sincere the admiration you convey.

Guy

——–

I screwed up again. Almost two years ago I told Sunny at post 719 that her question exceeds my ‘quick response’ ability. I never got back to responding as promised. So, I recover today.

Her Highness Sunny inquired, “Ah, but after years of marriage, how does one be mysterious?” Simple, do what’s nice, unexplainable, and what he appreciates more than most anything from his wife.

Admire him. Admire what he does. Admire who he is. Admire his various roles and how they add so much meaning to your life. Admire his sensitivity to your sexual needs. Admire his recognition of your sensibilities. Admire his wisdom. Admire his fathering. Admire his husbanding. Admire his stoicism. Admire him when you don’t want something. Admire him when you do want something. Admire his humor. Admire his foreplay. Admire his fun-filled personality. Admire his hard-headedness. Admire his lovemaking. Admire his enjoyment of your teasing. Admire the milk of human kindness that flows in spite of his natural hardheartedness. Admire his post-coital intimacy. Admire his muscles, facial features, and dexterity. Admire his keenness of mind when he teases you. Admire his frugality. Admire his control of finances. Admire his rule of his castle. Admire his ability to find comfort in your nest. Admire his gross pay as the measure of his worth to the employment world. Admire his net pay as worthy of you. Admire his acuity, logic, and reasoning powers. Admire his ability to figure out what pleases you. Admire his strength of character and integrity to lead the life of a good person, good man, good husband, good father, and likeable mate. Admire the way he admires your qualities left over from courtship days.

Don’t fake it or be insincere. Instead, stretch yourself. Make it your game to dig deeper into yourself and your man to discover and uncover new ways to admire him. He can’t get too much, and you can’t do more to recover from whatever mistakes you’ve made in the past.

He will be suspicious if you hit him with too much admiration all at once. So, go slow and keep his prime motivator in mind. He has a strong need for self-admiration which he fulfills with his accomplishments. When someone else admires his accomplishments, it helps fulfill his need and he can back off from doing so much ‘accomplishing’ to pay attention to admirers.

Delicate femininity is also a good source of mystery. Do what women do best. Act feminine. More modest. More tightly bound to morals and monogamy. More responsive to his manliness. If he wonders what you’re up to, he’s more interested in you. Whether he sees mystery or not, it works the same inside him.

You only have to be different. You can gradually, imaginatively, and ‘upbeatedly’ change yourself back into the girl he married. He admired her as extraordinary and consequently married her. He wishes she were back if you have morphed into something else.

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2241. TWO SEXES WEST OF EDEN — Part V


Calling female the superior sex doesn’t make women the boss. They still have to counterbalance male dominance to fulfill female hopes and dreams. That’s what female superiority is all about.

I’ve gotten swept up in the drama of defining the subject. I have to shorten and end the series. So, the remainder is more claim than proof.

Women have several other remarkable strengths that add to their ability to counteract male dominance.

Gratitude. Through their achievements women appreciate themselves and it melts into self-gratitude, which both enables and makes them eager to be grateful of and for others. Men are major beneficiaries once they earn a woman’s gratefulness. But it extends deeper into female life. Gratitude is their path to happiness; the more grateful they are for the people and things in their lives, the happier women are. Men have no such inherited motivation to use feelings as a measure of progress in life. They measure by objective reality, what they produce, have produced, or think they have done rightfully.

Happiness. Women are born to earn happiness, which keeps them focused more on the future than the present. Men are opposite; they earn satisfaction daily and so it keeps them primarily focused on the present. What’s that old saying? Those who own the future own the present.

Born to Be Good. Being emotional creatures, women play both sides of this coin but men’s feeling follow their actions. An anonymous philosopher summarized the blessings this way. Actions follow words, habits follow actions, and hearts follow habits. To do is to be. Women are born to be good, men to do good. By doing good, women become good and fulfill their inheritance. Men, however, are not encouraged by their nature to be good. In fact, they lack reason to do good until trained in childhood or incentivized by women in their lives. The leadership role falls to the female.

The ability of both would be less consequential were women not also energized to do good in order to confirm their self-importance. Women are also inspired to be better, which enthuses them even more to do better.

Note that women have greater incentive and more energy than men to do good, which further enhances female superiority. Where would society be if men were allowed to get by not doing good for other than themselves as individuals?

Relationship Expert. However, life doesn’t always go well for couples. Men have little or no talent, skill, or willingness to manage relationships into success. Women do have that ability.

Silent Blessing. God intended us to live compatibly both as singles and couples. He empowered women with the art of indirectness to avoid competing directly with men. It enables women to breathe success into a couple’s relationship in ways that men cannot.

Motivation. Both sexes have a prime motivator. Women are motivated to endlessly confirm self-importance. They know they are important to others, but their sense of self-importance is unstable. They require frequent and steady feedback to confirm it, and so they continually seek it and hope endlessly to fulfill their mission in life and find happiness.

OTOH, men are motivated to seek self-admiration and they earn it with daily accomplishments that fulfill their mission to be satisfied. They don’t require feedback from others, although the admiration of others can help and that of a mate is essential to demonstrate her loyalty and thus justify his love.

The females’ prime motivator helps keep them focused on the future and makes them more adaptable in the present.

Roles in Life. Their hearts and minds energize both sexes to pursue life in ways that breed compatibility. Women are cooperators, processors, capturers of mates, and relationship experts. Men are competitors, producers, conquerors of women for their first sex together, and incapable of managing relationships.

Men as competitors and producers build wealth. But just like conquering the American West, it take women to civilize men and convert wealth into benefits for society and culture. Males suppress sharing wealth except when done competitively. Females share wealth out of the cooperative goodness of their hearts. To the extent women improve compatibility by sharing and bringing people together, they improve society and culture. IOW God prepared women to rule the rooster while they let their man rule the roost. Informal leadership! You recognize the stronger partner?

Morality. Men have little interest for imposing imperatives on themselves as individuals, such as moral and religious standards. Women, however, are the reverse. Individual values and standards based on higher authority reinforce the female character, which helps shape and characterize her virtues, which adds to her self-importance, which helps recruit and hold male interest toward fulfilling female hopes and dreams. When women need power to vanquish excessive male dominance, they strengthen and appeal to their individual moral high ground. It enables them to overcome in principle if not in fact, to outwit if not outsmart.

Respect and Trust. The sexes differ greatly on this subject. Men expect and insist on being respected. Women expect and insist on being trusted. They differ because of the way they give respect and show trust. Men respect first and give trust only after it’s earned; they don’t take risks. Women are opposite. They trust first and let the results earn respect; they take risks. The physically weaker takes more and the greater risks, which takes more courage, which in the male world registers as very respectable, which earns male respect, which is the foundation of a man’s love, which connects him emotionally to a woman, which rewards her courage with masculine love.

The dominant gender steers the easier road. Women pay tolls to travel the riskier road, so which is the stronger sex other than physically?

Balance. The battle of the sexes to both create and preserve compatibility has historically been fought over one principle from the Garden of Eden also embedded in the Constitution of the United States. Whether for singles or marrieds, gender compatibility revolves around the balance of power. Without competitive balance, one gender will outdo the other until tyranny results, which for women could mean enslavement or something close to it. (Know any women in the world in that position now?)

Character Strength. Women hide their most beneficial strategy so well that most have forgotten that it exists. Women don’t claim and men are never reminded that the dominant gender is anything but the top of the power pyramid; no competition at the top.

Yet, subliminally but continuously, women use their natural and superior abilities to foster compatibility, build harmony in the home, prevent enslavement or anything close to it, and keep the other gender satisfied that men rule the roost as they have always done.

It’s the paradox of all time. The superior sex exercises its superiority simply by refusing to acknowledge it, by bowing, deferring, and governing just the right amount of male dominance inside a couple’s relationship that female hopes and dreams are eventually fulfilled in spite of today’s hardships.

I’m not sure I’ve identified all the ways that the female sex is superior. But it’s enough for now.

Advice for Ladies. Don’t share this series with your men. Keep it under wraps, else you stir suspicious thoughts of ‘what’s she up to now’? If and when he ever brings it up, just smile as coquettishly as possible and repeatedly if necessary and get on with confirming him as ruler of the roost. Our female ancestors confirmed long ago that silence about superiority enables indirectness, which engenders greater success for brightening the female future.

NOTE: Ashley Montagu provides a scholarly description of the superior adaptability and survivability of females in The Natural Superiority of Women, first published in 1952. My copy is fifth edition from 1999.

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2240. TWO SEXES WEST OF EDEN — Part IV


Not convinced yet? I continue with another Garden of Eden root that exemplifies the superior sex. I’ll kill the mystery now but you already know so it’s not really a mystery: Love is superior to respect (although men will disagree instinctively in defense of male dominance). These self-worth emotions are inherited at birth: her self-love and his self-respect. Consequently, she begins life with the advantage for inducing men to yield their interests sufficiently in order to provide and protect her and her children. Gifted with self-love enables women to love others according to the way that women love—emotionally and clearly not dependent on male-like logic and reason. Their love is virtually endless unless turned off by love objects. Not that they love everybody, but they are capable of it. Their hearts overflow with loving thoughts whereas the male heart is only capable of loving those who qualify. Gifted with self-respect enables men to respect others but there’s a catch. Women can love without it being earned by the one loved. Men are different. A man respects those who earn it either from him or someone else that he respects. Moreover, the foundation of masculine love is respect, which makes it essential that a sex target earn his respect if she hopes to be more than his target. OTOH, women love too easily for men; they can love someone without respecting them so men are suspicious of womanly claims of love because it’s so different from man-think. It puts couples in this fix. A woman can love a man all day. Without earning his respect, however, hers will be unrequited love. It begs the question, what does a woman have or do that earns manly respect? The list is practically endless but it boils down to this: She’s female and acts it; she’s uniquely not male; she has feminine qualities that he admires to the point of fascination; and she has promise as a potential mate. Out of all that, provided she is also likeable to him as a person and woman, a man can devote himself loyally to one woman. In a reverse maneuver to earn respect without giving away the store, women compensate instinctively with a superior technique. Before, during, and after women fall for a man, femininity calls for them to exercise patience and depend on him to make himself worthy of her. They make men the sellers and women the buyers. They recognize that it takes time for a man’s respect to grow, discover and admire her qualities, appreciate her fascination, and realize that she holds enough promise for him to see her as his mate, his helpmate for fulfilling his ambitions. That reverse maneuver puts women in the driver’s seat of the marital bus. Who has the superior role? Driver or shotgun? Without the females’ natural ability to exploit their patience in order to generate mutual love with a man, not much marriage or permanent mating takes place.

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2239. TWO SEXES WEST OF EDEN — Part III


I continue with another Garden of Eden root that adds credence to the supposition that females make up the superior sex.

Love’s Additive. The sexes love so differently that an additive is essential to help generate and lubricate mutual love, tenderize it for permanence, and thus enable a couple to live together compatibly and enjoyably. Without love, there is no ‘couple’. Without the additive to attract men, energize women, and lubricate their togetherness, there is too little permanence.

You may recall from earlier blog posts. Men are primarily producers and women processors. Think of love as a process, loving someone as the result, and women as being in charge of the process. By accepting responsibility, it puts women in charge of providing the ingredient that eases or erases friction and enables couples to harmonize their compatibility. It’s the superior ingredient that’s required for long-range marital success.

A couple’s love develops over time; the proper additive expedites it. Sex likenesses within a couple don’t generate much friction but boredom follows too easily especially after romantic love fades. OTOH, sex differences help prevent boredom with one another. For that and other reasons, sex differences make the stronger foundation for compatible togetherness. Differences also carry the greatest potential for friction between mates. Therefore, the need for a lubricant. Fortunately, the lubricant is the same additive that helps women attract men.

Both attracter and lubricant? Sure. The additive? Femininity. The expression of numerous female traits in ways that make women uniquely different from men, who have little interest in staying very long with a manly woman. They want to marry a virtuous woman, and masculine features in a woman are neither admired nor virtuous.  Especially if she tries to get her way more than previously by relying on her manly qualities to overpower his.

Men see female qualities they admire and consider to be virtues. Femininity adds more man-sensed quality, which provides the extra magnetic-like effect that flows out of both glue and lubricant to hold a couple together more smoothly and longer. It’s more what he sees and imagines than what she thinks, does, and tries.

Men tend to stay with their earlier decisions, especially the ones of high quality that confirm they know what they are doing and that it is right. Also easier to live with later. If he’s attracted by a woman’s femininity and decides to marry her, he gets to learn years later that his choosing her was the right decision. It’s another blessing that permeates conscientious femininity. It confirms constantly that a man is doing the right thing for himself and ipso facto for her, which conscientious men accept as their responsibility.

Why does it happen that way? Because of a superior trait in women. The more they act like very feminine females, the more it confirms their self-importance, solidifies their character as being both strong and right, and improves their personal magnetism as they interface with a mate of many years. Very feminine women are quicker learners about men and togetherness than their less feminine peers.

Men are unable to produce such a superior product to generate and preserve relationships.

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2238. TWO SEXES WEST OF EDEN — Part II


The Garden of Eden produced other sex differences that add credence to the supposition that females make up the superior sex.

Hopes and Dreams.

Women are born to be happy but they have to earn it in ways that are more difficult and complex than what men are destined to earn. Compared to men who don’t have to, women are made to cooperate and work with and through others. They find happiness beyond the gratefulness they manage to engender in both themselves and on behalf of others.

Female hopes and dreams originate shortly before puberty. Dreams are of ultimate happiness born out of girlish hope and imagination and surrounded by whatever determination is being developed in a girl’s character at the time. It’s a powerful combination of thought and intention that steers her as a woman. Unfortunately as women later discover, it also lays the groundwork for many and sometimes awful but recoverable disappointments and frustrations they encounter along life’s way.

Reality often alternates women between misery and deliriously happy, but they remain more adaptable than men. They think, work, and live for the long term, only to find they must live in the cooperative short range in order to accommodate the competing and sometimes unreasonable interests of the men in their lives.

Men are very unlike women in two regards that are significant here. First, their counterpart of female happiness is satisfaction; personal satisfaction earned by what they do, achieve, accomplish. They earn satisfaction daily on their jobs, hobbies, and playtimes. Fulfilling hopes and dreams is relatively easy because man are made to compete and accomplish things by themselves. Second, although men have dreams for the future, their vision is much shorter than for women. They have less interest in adaptability because they rely on male dominance to get their way. They have less interest in survivability because their dream vision is much shorter range than women’s.

Consequently, female hopes and dreams are directly connected to their ability and fuel their motivation to adapt and survive, which adds to their ability to handle men to the advantage of women and children, which adds to the notion that dominance can be out performed.

Other female advantages also arose out of the Garden of Eden. It’s next, hopefully tomorrow.

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2237. TWO SEXES WEST OF EDEN — Part I


At 2231 Her Highness Cinnamon wondered why I call women the superior sex. It’s simple. They work the most steadily and produce the best results for harmonizing the compatibility of the sexes.

To understand their superiority and fulfill our destiny in the micro world, we all need to appreciate more the macro world from whence we came.

It was determined for Western civilization in the Garden of Eden. Two very different human natures were formed inside two magnificently compatible bodies. I believe it God’s intent that their descendants act compatible by nature in order to mate successfully. If and when couples join up as permanent mates, compatibility is needed and sought by both sides or else misery follows and not even descendants of Adam can live with that. If couples don’t join permanently, compatibility isn’t needed, is no longer of mutual self-interest, and is therefore unnecessary for the more overbearing sex. Without the mutual urge for compatibility, the physically stronger naturally dominates or enslaves Eve’s descendants.

Consequently, two genders were put in competition. In our modern micro world of individuals, either the physically weaker learn to handle the stronger to its advantage or they become so dominated it takes on the feeling of being enslaved.

Our female ancestors developed the first big advantage. They codified social and domestic life many hundreds of years ago into the intended-to-be-permanent union we call marriage. It was a superior maneuver. Marital arrangements motivate men to work toward compatibility to avoid misery. They sooner or later learn that pleasing their woman is the best way to prevent misery. In response to the self-centered male nature, wives learn to promote and add female-friendliness, which brings mutual satisfaction into the marital mix. Out of that successful mix of competitive interests, marriage arose as a cultural institution all across the Western world. Only a superior gender could accomplish such a feat.

Our female ancestors learned how to broker and perpetuate a marriage deal. Each promised physical fidelity to please their man. They exchanged monogamous vows for their man’s fulfillment of family responsibility. He got to live up to something bigger than himself, which made for better character and husbanding. She followed her nature to live up to something and someone bigger than herself, which made for more satisfactory ‘wifeing’ in his eyes. Women developed the very effective way to deliver on God’s intent that the sexes should mate compatibly. Such leadership resides only in the superior of two genders.

To this day, it’s the physically weaker but mentally aware sex that continues to sustain compatibility. Therefore, I conclude with the end but not the rest of the story: Women must be superior. What else could keep male dominance under sufficient control but an irresistible force?

Superior vs. Dominant. At the gender level, it’s the superior and irresistible force vs. the dominant and immovable object. Men know how to dominate and some claim superiority in the apparent absence of a superior force. Yet, women gain advantage by exploiting their relationship expertise. Lacking such expertise, men are satisfied because women enable men to think that male dominance rules the world. But does it? In the most successful marriages, he rules the roost but she rules the rooster. The superior force thus succeeds in moving the immovable object. Example: Male dominance opened the American West; female superiority civilized it by convincing men they should live according to female values, standards, and expectations that evolved into a fair-minded and hugely compatible culture.

Women sense they don’t do well competing with men, so they change the ground rules to make compatibility more the product of cooperation than competition.

More subconscious than conscious, females cloud their superiority by accepting male dominance without believing in manly superiority. Using their relationship expertise, they outwit men. They allow men to think and act as though they are in charge of relationships, which satisfies men that women know what they are doing and thus are prepared to please a man with his life on earth.

Harmonizing mutual compatibility through their cooperative spirit enables women to keep the immovable objects singing the tune that provides and protects women and children. Assuming responsibility to generate mutual cooperation and purposely bring harmony out of competition, women build their superior power base with and around uniquely female qualities that men lack.

In real life, by exploiting their natural superiority, women balance the power of the dominant sex. Without being aware of their daily use of natural strengths, women fail to appreciate the other components of their superiority.

All that above may be difficult to grasp clearly, but there’s much more and it’s simpler and next.

So, let’s compare some of the other roots of human nature that can be traced to the Garden of Eden.

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2236. Your Heart Says This About Men — Part V


Editor’s Note: Viewed from my end, you ladies are not very involved with this series. But I post it to complete the series and make way for tomorrow’s subject about the superior gender.

Don’t you for the most part see men this way?

31. Trying to impose guilt on a man works against me. They won’t accept what I call guilt except from themselves (self-criticism) and even then they fix whatever ‘is broke’ or they forget it.

32. Even when he’s wrong, having to explain himself is contrary to his self-respect.

33. Decisions men make are like promises, and they don’t break promises to themselves. Perhaps to someone else but usually not to self.

34. Self-respect and self-assurance of their rightness enable men to resist criticism.

35. Men are instinctively energized to conquer attractive women. I can neither understand it, accept it, nor live with it, but I have to try my best.

36. Men value virginity out of proportion to its value; they can’t be that dumb but they sure seem to be.

37. Men are dedicated to the task at hand: work, study, rest, reading, relaxation, recovery, responsibility, fun, games, or whatever. Interruptions are unwelcome.

38. He’s both capable and self-centered enough to take care of himself, which enables but doesn’t recruit him to help others.

39. Men are fairly easy to understand until their words don’t match their actions.

40. Men can sit and do absolutely nothing. They claim to be thinking but productive evidence is lacking to me.

41. A strong masculine presence can calm fears that often arise in me.

42. Men are independent, benefit from a good woman alongside, but go out of their way to keep it to themselves.

43. Men have a strong and resilient character that is compatible with a woman’s strong and resilient spirit.

44. I will never understand the males’ mentality of wham, bam, thank you ma’am. I bond through sex, why not men?

45. Men are more easily respected than trusted but my unconditional trust earns more of their respect for me.

Those conclusions about men seem prominent in the female heart. They are connected to the ‘be good’ prime root that goes back to the Garden of Eden, which comes up in the next series tomorrow.

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