Ninth step: If a woman masters the art of winning a man’s heart as described in the first eight steps, she develops the ability to capture and keep the man of her choice—in principle, that is. No guarantees as personalities are far too different to match up from anywhere but inside a couple’s life.
The preceding posts—especially 2552 through 2555—describe natural masculine motivation and behavior that can bring more understanding to what modern women know about men. His love emerges in three stages—devotion, bonding love, and true love—and she needs a deep understanding of it to win and stir a man’s heart toward marital commitment.
A man’s ability to love functions this way. His devotion pleases her and keeps her pleased with him. His bonding love promotes and sustains mutual respect and reciprocal trust. His true love promotes marital success. He is much more complex than she on the subject of love. At least his love can be defined; hers cannot and should not for it adds mystery, attractiveness, and masculine desire.
After deep and suitable analysis about her, them together, and marital obligations, the potential husband adds self-commitment to marriage on top of his bonding love and devotion. Not she but he convinces that he can and will succeed in marriage. Completion of the process that results in conviction motivates him to exchange vows.
Anticipated satisfaction handling new responsibility is the key to his belief that enables his move toward the altar. Bonding love and devotion are infrastructure; dedication to marital success generates true love.
True love includes both him and her as love objects. It appears as selfishness to women, as it appears to detract from them. But it is natural to men. They have to both love what they do and do it satisfactorily, or they are in the wrong line of ‘work’. In short, marriage is his work and leadership his job. His sense of duty and responsibility urge him to deliver on his own expectations primarily and then on hers. Meanwhile, his devotion motivates him to keep them mutually pleased with each other and sustain their mutual likeability and loyalty. The latter being the essentials for his bonding love to continue.
It’s his mindset. Marriage is more important than either or both of them, since he accepted responsibility for it with them as coupled members. Thus, his true love builds in three stages. From the top down it is this: his duty to marriage, binding love of her that arises out of mutual respect and trust, and pleasurable devotion to her.
Short recap: Men are born to love sex for the sake of sex; love work for the sake of satisfaction; and love women for convenience, comfort, and pleasure. Women teach them to exploit marriage to perpetuate relationships, and men step up to that responsibility by fulfilling their perception of duty. Thus, marriage is the institution that energizes men to commit true love to a woman.
A parenthetical thought: A mistress may have a husband’s bonding love and even his devotion, but by definition a mistress misses out on true love. It suggests, however, that bonding love and devotion to wife hit a snag. Probably one or more of these: Mutual love weakened by irritable and disagreeable behaviors, loss of likeability or loyalty of one or both, undesired transformation from the person met at the altar, and absolutely loss of mutual respect.
Sometimes a man’s allegiance to marriage as supreme obligation doesn’t come across as quite favorable to his wife. She doesn’t know how she won his heart so effectively, and men seldom know how to deal compatibly with her as first in his heart but second in his actions.
Women are particularly skilled to build and manage a relationship. But marriage makes a man duty-bound above and beyond love, affection, and relationship, and he remains committed to lead with his dedication. It’s a bigger project for him than the loving and lovable togetherness she envisions and tries to live, manage, and get her way.
Consequently, women misread their man when he’s doing what he thinks best. Examples: a) He cancels, postpones, or cuts their honeymoon short because of a near-disaster in his business or job world. b) He insists they take a cheaper approach to accomplish something that symbolizes great love to her but which is lost with his cheaper method. c) She seeks to associate with those of another social or economic class that he sees as threatening the marriage, such as an attractive hunk stands out and too easily captures and holds her attention.
Men figure out what they have to do, and they manage marriage more as a manly function than female dream. Until her relationship expertise generates a compensating game plan, he doesn’t correctly grasp the meaning of her dreams. When he admirably learns how to integrate her dreams into his managerial role, he can more easily step down from his true-love high horse and please her out of his sense of devotion.
However, modern day pressures sabotage her relationship expertise. Blame and disrespectful expectations of modern men has them judging and speaking of women as ‘crazy’ with almost none ranked below four on a scale of ten. Crazy because women don’t act in their own best interest as men see it, not common-sense normal. (Modern compatibility continues to decline directly in line with the political objectives of radical feminists to make enemies of the genders.)
Women have better options. They can turn their too-dominated, under-appreciated lives around by exploiting that which mostly favors women and children. It makes sense to men when it appears to be common sense.
As already and naturally shown by the unwillingness of men to compete directly with their woman, men cannot dominate the superior sex if women act superior without disclosing their belief in superiority. Such as, the wise woman holds up the dominant sex as superior, and then weaves her feminine interests in with those of men and her man. It makes women all the more mysterious, attractive, appealing, agreeable, and compatible with masculine expectations. It keeps men interested, curious, and guessing with evermore active imaginations. It also enables women to tame male dominance and govern their homes, relationships, and cultural values within the standards of the female’s best interest.
Over the course of this series, I left out a lot more about how sex differences cause both relationship compatibility and disruptions. I highlight many important ones in next post, 2557.