Category Archives: sex differences

2692. Tradeoffs in Marriage #05

  1. He’s responsible to keep their marriage intact. She’s responsible to keep their relationship intact. Call it subordination if you will, but the arrangement exploits the abilities of both in the best way. (Also, domains function most reliably when there’s only one boss.)
  2. Necessity is the mother of a wife’s stream of actions. Frustration is the father of trying to get husband to please her as if he’s a woman.
  3. Wives seek to be happy. It arises when she acts grateful for who she is and what she has. Husbands seek to be comfortable in life away from job. It comes with his planning and freedom from interruptions.
  4. Wife seeks to be loved, cherished, and glorified as important in her multitude of duties. Husband seeks to be admired, respected, and depended upon for what he contributes as the essential man.
  5. Husband expects fidelity, respect, and admiration and even more than her love. Wife expects displays of affectionate love, recognition of her importance, and support to get her way in relationship and domestic matters. (The pressures from feminists teach men that “I love you” is usually enough, however insincere it may be.)
  6. Convinced wife can do better at what she does, husband corrects what he sees as inefficient or ineffective. Knowing it will take decades to improve him, wife ignores his shortcomings.
  7. Men do womanly things when it’s their own idea. It takes a good woman to convince husband that his ideas are more worthy than his expenditure of effort.


Filed under Dear daughter, marriage, sex differences

2691. Tradeoffs in Marriage #04

  1. He likes to claim titles that make him feel powerful and in charge, such as king, CEO, or boss. Less interested in titles, she has the power that holds everything together for marital success. She’s seemingly overly burdened, but that’s not the destiny of one who successfully governs home and harmonizes family. Only the loss of pride, self-respect, or his love truly burden her excessively.
  2. When he cherishes her, his definition of it is just fine; she’s so proud and his version is fine.When she’s not cherished, her imagination comes up with all kinds of expectations that he could never satisfy, because she’s in the habit of finding him wanting.
  3. She doesn’t intrude in the domain where he is responsible, unless asked. He doesn’t intrude in her domain of responsibility, unless asked.
  4. She accepts full responsibility for raising the children until first grade. He accepts responsibility as back up in discipline matters and fun resource.
  5. Satisfied with who he is and what he does means satisfied with his marriage. Satisfied with her marriage means satisfied with who he is and what he does. Thus, the marriage revolves around his satisfaction with himself.
  6. If she governs home and family well, her attitude is infectious. His interest enables him to interact in spurts, and his attitude reflects from his direct participation and desire to please her.
  7. Husbands dream of what they can do. Wives dream of what they can have. (Contradictions arise from refusal to respect the dream-rights of each other.)

Truly cherished is missing in the life of many wives, which means it’s the gravy on a meat and potato relationship that she makes work anyway.

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2689. Tradeoffs in Marriage #02

Here are a few more ounces of prevention—that is, agreeable pressures—that help stabilize and keep a marriage on track. A couple’s time together works it out mostly behind the scenes, easily accepted and settled in background.

  1. He’s convinced by her love and keeping him satisfied that she’s faithful. She’s convinced that he loves her by his apparent satisfaction living together pleasantly. His cherishing her doubles her conviction.
  2. Sexual relations that satisfy occur when she’s happy with the intimacy he provides, and he’s convinced that she appreciates his performance.
  3. He’s convinced by his nature that he needs no improvements in lovemaking. She thinks he needs a lot. Nevertheless, they continue as before with her being disappointed for lack of aptitude or fear of offending him. (To the peacekeeper, unfair is tolerable.)
  4. Her likeability keeps him living with her. Who he is and what he contributes keeps her living with him.
  5. His steadfast connection to her depends much on her steadfast admiration of him; he presumes admiration includes her respect, dependence, and gratitude. Her steadfast connection to him depends on his satisfying her expectations of his responsibility to her and family.
  6. They agree to divide marital responsibility. He’s overall in charge of their marriage, and his domain includes his job, hobby, (clicker?), and all else that he claims as his alone. She governs her domain that includes all else. (This works far better when they arrange it openly rather than letting it develop in background.)
  7. Husband and wife agree not to intrude in the other’s domain unless invited; it keeps his influence in home and family subject to her final authority and keeps her from intruding in matters about his job—unless invited, of course. It also expands mutual trust.

To the extent that couples work out agreeable pressures that shape their thoughts and behaviors such as those above, they find less to complain about.


Filed under Dear daughter, marriage, sex differences

2684. Answers That Women Look For — 03

Previous Q&A for easy reference.

  1. Why do men avoid marriage? [See 2676]
  2. What makes a husband dissatisfied with himself? [See 2676]
  3. Do men consider the wife to be responsible to keep their marriage together? [See 2676]
  4. Why do husbands cheat? [See 2677]

 Q. If the sexes are so different at birth, how are they alike? [2684]

A. The deeper I go into male/female subject matter, the more it makes sense that the sexes differ in so many ways. The subject here is a spot we’ve not visited previously, how the sexes are alike.

Responsibility. Being individuals, we inherit the responsibility for our self-development and how we turn out. We can’t take care and develop ourselves unless we start by taking responsibility for every facet of life that we can control or influence. How we decide to carry, share, revitalize, or dispose of responsibility is the most awesome and challenging function we call living. (By aborting self-responsibility, some people cripple their lives—e.g., wives won’t stand up for themselves for fear of losing their man.)

Motivation. Self-interest drives the motivation bus. Everyone is primarily motivated to pursue their self-interest. It develops subconsciously and operates in background to keep individuals up to date as life progresses. It shapes who they are and what they are after.

Free will. Each individual is blessed with free will to pursue self-interest. It helps get their way in life’s decisions. Until, that is, most individuals decide to somewhat amend free will in order to adjust and improve their way of life with others, especially individuals; e.g., a wife yields to hubby on present-day matters, so she can shape the future to match her expectations. Yielding free will in certain instances, however, does not make one less responsible for their life. It’s just a trade off to enhance whatever life a person seeks to develop for the situation, aka modifying self-interest.

Get their way. Individuals are driven to get their way as evidenced early by infants seeking comfort and toddlers battling competitors. It makes competition the most fundamental law of interacting individually. Except as we defer by choice or force, we are always in competition with others of both sexes. We learn as a small child the need to either fight to get our way, negotiate agreement, yield to someone else by choice, or be forced to yield to someone else (mom’s rule, big brother, and a girl says ‘no’ come to mind). Exception: Girls learn early in life they can get their way more effectively by cooperating rather than competing, which teaches and enables women to get their way with men much more easily than with other females.

Self-development. We each are born with an unconscious motivation to develop ourselves as unique individuals. It’s visible as early as toddlerhood and continues throughout life. Consequently, we get what we motivate ourselves to get out of life, and the best results—especially by tweens and teens—come from accepting and fulfilling the responsibility of mature adults. To the extent people ignore or dodge responsibility for themselves, they cripple and possibly shorten their lives. Once children pass puberty, they absorb an attitude of being close enough to adulthood to act like adults. Their maturity level, however, is proportional to the sense of adult responsibility tweens developed before puberty and teens exhibit in the adolescent years.

Satisfaction. Both sexes use internal signals that whatever they have been doing is completed, and they are free to move on to something else. Self-satisfaction triggers some new motivation to keep us busy at satisfying ourselves. The sexes begin to differ here. Men work in spurts and find satisfaction in accomplishments. Women work continuously, and find satisfaction in continued dedication to their self-importance and self-defined missions in life. Consequently, men pay more specific attention to satisfaction than do women; in fact satisfaction governs a man’s life much as love governs a woman’s.

Compatible. Both sexes are born to be compatible with the opposite sex. Its more ability than guarantee for individuals, and it thus requires mutual effort and dedication.

If the sexes were only alike except for reproductive systems, humans would have made themselves extinct long ago. They wouldn’t be able to stand an opposite sex someone so much like them; too much likeness uncovers both excess boredom and keener competition. It’s our gender differences that make our lives compatible, enjoyable, successful, and worthy of replication.

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Filed under Culture & Politics, Dear daughter, old school, sex differences, Sociology 101, The mind

Blog 2677 — Answers That Women Look For — 02

Previous Q&A for easy reference.

  1. Why do men avoid marriage? [See 2676]
  2. What makes a husband dissatisfied with himself? [See 2676]
  3. Do men consider the wife to be responsible to keep their marriage together? [See 2676]


Q. Why do husbands cheat? [See 2677]

A. I offer no alibi for men, but with the facts below women can reduce the threat the female nature faces from the male nature in the marital arena.

Simply put, the male nature, daily events, and marital conditions open the cheating door not held closed by a man’s woman. The door opens so easily because the male nature oils the hinges and leaves it unlocked. The male nature motivates men to behave as follows until women teach them to act more female friendly.

  • Men have the lifelong urge to conquer unconquered women; male love lacks the cohesive glue of female love; a man’s prime motivator is to earn self-admiration through accomplishments that produce self-satisfaction.
  • A freshly conquered woman produces self-satisfaction in a man, but more importantly it terminates his primal urge to have more sex with her. Men don’t bond with sex, and so emotional infidelity may not be part of the show. He may stay with her, but male conquest is first- and only-time together. Sex after that is another game in the male psyche.
  • Cheating also results from a man’s weak devotion to wife or lack of character strength to fulfill his promises and vows. He falls for a woman with strong lures. (No excuse, but it takes intense resistance that many men lack.)
  • To a man, his cheating doesn’t dissolve the marriage for several reasons. 1) He’s responsible for marital success and expects to end it only when unsatisfied with himself living with his wife. 2) Two sex partners provides more satisfaction, not less. 3) He is not as prone as she to guilt. 4) His cheating does not mean emotional connection with the other woman, and so it’s not ‘harmful’ to wife if she doesn’t know.
  • Admiration to accomplishment to satisfaction is the motivational pattern of a man’ life. Until, that is, mothers, girls, and single women teach boys and men they can and should do better on behalf of those they love, and each husband decides to honor his wife by being faithful.

But that’s not all. Wives drive husbands to cheat, feel compelled to copy him, and the consequences destroy their marriage. If he cheats she wants to talk; if she cheats he wants to walk. It’s next at 2678.


Filed under courtship, Dear daughter, feminine, Fickle female, marriage, sex differences, The mind

2676. Q&A for Women — 01

Over the years women requested that I disclose men’s failings that contribute to marital breakdown. Some look to justify blame and others tire of my describing only wifely motivations. I usually respond that the man’s story is for another time and place. I’ve decided its here and now. Remember, this describes the basis of the male nature as born, not how men appear as they make themselves look good to women and feel good about themselves.

Q.  Why do men avoid marriage?

A.  They see too few ways to satisfy themselves; too many restrictions on doing man-things and too many female-things that provide little satisfaction through manly accomplishments. A man’s goal in life is to keep himself satisfied with himself. Taking on responsibility for a marriage appears self-defeating, until a woman convinces him otherwise.

Q.  What makes a husband dissatisfied with himself?

A. The events, conditions, and environment that surround his life and produce results with which he can no longer live. If married, it may be time to leave. If not, it may be time to marry. It takes a woman deserving of his devotion to change his game plan.

Q. Do men consider the wife to be responsible to keep their marriage together?

A. No, husbands are responsible for two reasons. Being stronger, he should be in charge which also presumes responsible. Also, men don’t take on responsibility with any thought of failing. Asking for her hand, therefore, includes self-promise that he will rule and won’t fail. He expects to supervise the way she runs the show to make everything come together, manage their relationship as couple, and merge children into a harmonious family. He expects her to exploit her superior ability in those marital matters. The better she keeps him satisfied with himself, the more she gets her way, and the less he supervises. His measure of success is that he’s satisfied with himself for what he’s doing, which amounts to three things. He’s satisfied with who she is, what she does, and for accomplishing that for which he is responsible. On that last matter, he measures his satisfaction from her displaying respect of him, dependence on him, and gratitude for what he does.


Filed under courtship, Dear daughter, Her glory, marriage, sex differences

2675. Refresher Thoughts — 10

  1. Men treat women as women act. Act like guys and they’re treated that way. But men don’t marry guys—at least not for life.
  2. When women exploit their female nature, men respond favorably. When women don’t appreciate their femaleness to the fullest, men don’t either.
  3. Women need men more than the reverse, especially those women hopeful of a permanent relationship. [1904]
  4. Women work to love, build relationships. Men love to work, accomplish things.
  5. To stay with one woman, men must be rewarded for husbanding and fathering. The male sex sets competitive standards and expectations and each man measures his self-satisfaction by the return on his investment.
  6. A man’s love is based on respect for her and her likeability supporting him in his responsibilities, off-duty recovery, and preparation for what’s coming next.
  7. Disconnected from sex, women expect to hear affection expressed in multiple ways and demonstrated on frequent occasions. The male nature doesn’t prompt men to think that way. They require training by females earlier in life and mothers and adolescent girls teach it best.
  8. Women like to claim that men are only after sex. It’s a shortcut to passing blame or imposing guilt. When claimed, it closes the female mind to understanding and figuring out how to use a man’s nature to help fulfill girlhood hopes and dreams.
  9. Each woman’s sexual availability is the measure by which men judge women for their loyalty to and dependence upon one man.
  10. Women can abandon their female nature to enjoy masculine-style sexual freedom, but they eventually lose playing that man’s game. Why? Men don’t respect loose women, and the foundation of a man’s love is respect for her.[1905]

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