- ‘Full disclosure’ by a woman is foolish. She will be judged, so less information is better. Her intention to be ‘fully known’ works against her; his curiosity is uninspired.
- A man changes dramatically after conquering a woman. He inherits the conqueror’s right to manage their sexual agenda, or he is free to dump her.
- A man’s respect for a woman is essential for his love. Among women, love can come before respect.
- A woman seeks family, economic, social, and domestic stability. She seeks safety of health, life, and family—that is, a brighter future.
- As more and more women take up bedpost notching, they generate disrespect for selves and gender. Raunchy and feminine are mutually exclusive.
- Booty call is the screwing she gets for the screwing he got. Duty sluts have lost more male respect that they can ever imagine or recover with him.
- By girls insisting on and upholding feminine, social, and domestic standards, boys learn they must please females for no other purpose than it is right.
- By planning to treat and qualify all men alike, a woman conditions her thinking to not go off the deep end with infatuation.
- By their nature, women favor equality for decision making. Men favor fairness. Resolve it early or arguments compound and bitterness follows.
- Unless she is unattractive to a man, the thought of his conquest never ends. It’s why platonic friendships between the sexes are unstable. He can’t conquer his nature; he’s born that way.
Category Archives: sex differences
- Women who step back from feminine attractiveness or toward manliness forfeit much of their relationship expertise and lose some ability to influence men.
- Healthy marital habits form during courtship. For example, repeat refusals for unmarried sex bring out a man’s charm and displays of affection as he tries harder to conquer her. Over time, he learns to show attention and shower affection, and the habit forms.
- Each woman expects much affection in the years to come, but Mr. GoodEnough should develop the habit during courtship. It’s too late after marriage, as it puts her in complaining mode, which makes it not his idea and he too easily resists or resents.
- Men naturally crown their natural aggression and dominance with violence when they think they need it, unless females tame, civilize, and domesticate them. It starts with nurturing mothers and admirable sisters, depends greatly on chaste adolescent girls, and finalizes under the tutelage of a good wife. (Women as lovers and live-ins contribute little.)
- Nagging and criticism alienate rather than teach men to lather affection on their woman.
- Not in the pathological but the sociological sense, many women act manic-depressive seeking a man and obsessive-compulsive trying to live with one. Neither works well.
- Children do, but adults don’t improve when told of their faults. They improve to meet the expectations of those they like, admire, and respect—those who cite their strengths and reliability. Husbands are people and wives like, admire, and respect them or else they don’t improve.
- Strong-willed feminine mystique, female modesty, and moral imperatives focus a man on a woman’s uniqueness, her gender independence, the ceiling of her expectations, and the moral floor that she expects of his behavior.
- Women think and act like men. The more they do it, the less men honor the female gender as unique and praiseworthy for much more than sex and bending to masculine will.
- Unlike men, women like to change whomever they find as inadequate. They often parent husbands as if they are boys.
- Parents civilize and domesticate boys. Girls tame boys’ hormonal explosion by withholding sex. Wives motivate husbands to excel at husbanding and fathering. If not, marital relationships suffer.
The following are some results from the way the sexes are born differently. It describes the need of why women are born with so much relationship expertise that men lack. Women are especially endowed with the ability to overcome how two natures work contrary to each other.
- A woman’s love connects her to a man, but the reverse is not true. Her love is an unearned gift to him, and men don’t appreciate unearned gifts. It does not follow that not appreciating her love is not appreciating her. He measures his appreciation of her in a mixture of other ways that earn and retain his respect.
- Women, loaded with self-love and ardent desire to spread it, instinctively rely on three little words to fix all that is broke. Men are not born with self-love and earn it as they develop, and so womanly love has a lesser importance.
- Women are not born with self-respect; they earn it as they develop. OTOH, men are born loaded with self-respect. Their dealings with women are primarily based on respect and expectations that they be automatically respected with whatever love a woman wants to give them.
- Her respect of who and what he is impresses him more than her confessing her love. He measures her love by her actions much more than her words.
- Expressions of female love can become overbearing when over expressed. It may signal that she is desperate, fearful, depressed, and generally not in charge of her life. She can even be boring with too many ‘I love you’s if his interest in her personally is very low.
- A man prefers to figure out that a woman loves him by her actions to support and depend on him, by her letting him run their relationship habits, by her accepting his leadership/dominant role. Her words are never as impressive as her actions. Whether she loves him at conquest is immaterial; either way is okay so long as she yields.
- It’s man-think. The more she relies on his leadership, the more love she must have for him. Pardon the hyperbole, but her willingness to obey signifies her love. He is primarily interested in her love/obedience at the present moment; he doesn’t worry about how it impacts their future. Now is forever. If she loves him enough to obey now, he owns their future, or so men usually think. The pressure to obey inspires women to learn how to outwit, outsmart, and outmaneuver men.
- It’s the existence of her love and not the expressions of it that a man depends on. She loves me, so let’s move on. Her expressions of love please her more than him.
9. Given a quiet or concerned moment, she says I love you. It was unnecessary, so why did she say it? What does she expect him to do? What can he do but respond with the same, which is a confirmation that she desires, but he does not understand the need—unless she previously taught him.
As the result of being born differently, on matters of love she is single minded, but he is not. She relies on the use of words to convey her thoughts and what she expects of him. He focuses on actions from which he figures out where he stands and what he can expect from her.
As individuals develop throughout life, they learn to adjust to make all those conditions shown above become more advantageous for themselves. Women learn much more easily than men, because of their relationship expertise to compensate for inborn traits.
Their natures are very different and contrary to the other. Since women are blessed with special abilities for dealing with men, it is up them to relieve, reverse, or overcome the willfulness of both sides to get their own way. Men don’t know where to start; they pretty much fill their roles as described above.
- Sex with a woman is the ultimate expression of male dominance. Ease or difficulty of conquest determines how strictly or respectfully he dominates their future.
- Hunter-conquerors appreciate tantalizing, challenging, and hard-to-capture prey. It motivates a man to investigate such a woman intensively, which stimulates his curiosity, arouses his imagination about what her worth could mean for him. Preoccupied with trying to figure her out, he wonders if conquest is all that necessary right now. Perhaps he should back off the pressure, he reasons, and their relationship continues….
- Conquering a woman generates masculine glory and accomplishment that far overpower excitement of subsequent episodes. To the male mind, conquest is the most dynamic event in every relationship. It’s what he is born for, his primary mission in life.
- The more a woman enables a man’s dominance to go uninhibited and one-sided, the more likely she’s headed for a surprise dump. Before conquest, she has to compete to protect her interest, and men expect her to defend against conquest.
- After conquest is the wrong time for a woman to fight against a man’s dominating or domineering habits, if she hopes to keep him. The harder she fights afterward, the more certain she will lose; conquerors expect cooperation as one of their rights.
- Before conquest a woman can inspire a man to change and make his dominating or domineering habits more tolerable or tactful. Or, she can accept him as is and not try to change him later. Or, she can drop him. She will most likely lose with other options.
- The lure of modest, feminine, and flattering apparel on a neatly trimmed body works best for a woman. It indicates self-respect, and men appreciate respect more than love.
- Mystery mixed with feminine self-respect and unexpected reluctance attract a man. She becomes his research project. The more he searches for weakness to bed her, the more he invests himself. Men find it difficult to throw away potential return on investment. It’s a process that enables her to convey values, standards, and expectations for his associating with her. By holding out and making him earn all that he learns, his aim shifts subliminally from sex to her, from expecting her to satisfy him to his proving his worth to her. It enables her to screen the best from the near-best men.
Default motivations are those that reside in the psyche from birth and to which people turn when they lack other motivations. It is their nature in action.
Their natural and deep-rooted motivations differ, and a man’s is the simpler process. His prime motivator is to satisfy his sense of self-admiration, which he does through accomplishments. It’s a natural closed loop. 1) He seeks to admire self. 2) He accomplishes something—task, job, or R&R and being free to do so is itself satisfying—until his efforts satisfy him. 3) Satisfaction confirms self-admiration. He is free to energize himself to go around the loop many times daily. Moreover, he is self-sufficient. He can continually loop around the process without the help of others, unless he solicits it. The admiration of others may be appreciated but in the end it is unnecessary; he is independent at earning self-admiration (except boys are sometimes taught otherwise).
OTOH, her prime motivator is to confirm her sense of self-importance, which she does by doing something for others, spreading her love, and finding gratefulness in others. The last is the most productive, because feedback from gratitude she spreads confirms her importance and enough self-importance generates happiness. Her process is also a closed loop. But it always involves others, which adds to the complexity. She needs to prove her importance. 1) She finds reasons to be grateful for herself and others. 2) She spreads her love to confirm it. 3) Recipients express their gratitude by confirming her importance in their lives. Her self-importance thus confirmed, she returns to step 1).
A major theme of this blog is that the closer people act according to their nature inherited at birth, the more compatible they are as mates, happier as women, and more satisfied as men.
I appreciate your reception to The Widow’s Dilemma. Well done, ladies. Sterling perceptions, comments, and advice.
I can add a little more. I tell widows to trust their experience and above all don’t get desperate. So, I developed some red flags to slow or stop the ambush of desperation.
It takes time to screen men and test for what widows can tolerate and accept. With their experience with men, they can spot red flags about dating, shack up, and marriage.
- Too smooth a talker. Reads her well and tells her what she wants to hear. Test him: Out of the blue declare no sex without marriage. He dashes, forget him. He agrees, change red flag to pink. Surprised men have a way of disclosing true intention.
- He acts immature, adolescent, sometimes like a pure teen. Perhaps captured by modernistic games or TV programming for the immature, particularly comic book characterizations and horror programs. If his maturity level does not match hers, any future with such a guy is probably dim.
- He avoids work, enjoys just sitting, continually complains. He’s not what any woman needs.
- He drinks heavily, or regularly has to have beer in his hand.
- Has no hobby to speak of, nothing to keep his mind occupied but TV, which he views all the time. Enslaved to particular kinds of programming, usually not that of mental stimulation.
- House and yard functioning and repairs, and perhaps car care, are of little or no interest to him.
- Lacks pride in his sense of family responsibility; e.g., expects her to take out the trash and similar chores. If he mows the grass, it is not often enough.
- Test him: She invites him to plant a plant, do the dishes, cook breakfast, or sweep the walk, and he dodges or refuses. It’s not that she expects him to do such things regular, but don’t tell him that. She want to assess his reaction. If he doesn’t care to please her special request at some cost to him, dodge or dump him. He has insufficient respect of her, and his love not will be far behind.
- Test him, although she needs to have some reasoning behind it: “I want to live together for one month without sex. What say you? Can you do it?” He will likely respond with a loudly verbalized “WHY?” She will see how much he respects her or how inconsiderately he feels about her desires. Drag the questioning out if at first she can’t figure him out. It’s only a test; she doesn’t have to carry it out.
- Test him: Refuse sex during dating. (I know two ladies. In their late sixties, they both refused sex and even took trips with their man but insisted on different hotel rooms. One refused to marry because he was not saved. After my Grace led him to the Lord, they married and remain so more than a dozen years later. The other refused to marry until he converted from his to her religion. They remained married until he passed away about eight years later. Both couples had successful and happy relationships with extended families.)
- Test him: If she expects to marry, let her refuse sex until they marry or at least he proposes with sincerity that she believes without doubt.
- Test him: Refuse to talk finances except to claim hers are extremely private, inaccessible, and she lives miserly for no reason except that’s the way she is. If they do anything, he pays just like in the old days. Let her measure his dedication to her by how he reacts. Don’t let his spending, however, bring her finances into the dialogue until he proposes marriage.
Red flags don’t disqualify a guy unless too many or too out-of-tolerance for her to accept living with him. Looking for red flags, however, discourages her becoming desperate.
Each woman is born hard-headed and soft-hearted. As a widow and given good reason, it is fairly easy for the former to overwhelm the latter. With emphasis on being hard-headed, she can more easily both spot red flags and get her way with any man. No reason to get soft-hearted, as it can lead to loss of advantage that precedes desperation. She just has to use the best she’s got; that is, the self-endowed wisdom of years of experience learning what’s best for her when dealing with men of all ages.
At post 2427 six months ago, Shermy cited a female problem and Prettybeans asked for an article on the subject. Shermy called it a receptivity problem. I replied then that I was unqualified but would try to figure some way to help. Overdue but here it is.
Shermy: “Today’s woman has become very skilled at doing everything for herself, then realizes no one is willing to help someone who rejects when something is offered. Pretty soon NOTHING is offered, then you’re left wondering why you have to do EVERYTHING yourself.”
As with most female problems dealing with men, the receptivity problem is caused by abandoning the feminine nature that women inherit at birth.
- Vanity is vital to complete the female nature. It makes you feel deserving of what others want to do for you and less motivated to refuse them. Vanity inside adds to self-importance and attractiveness, which makes men seek to please you. .
- A man wants to figure out the opportunity and potential promise you hold for him. He judges by your reactions to what he has to offer. Rejections of whatever kind tell him he isn’t and probably can’t be all that important and, therefore, you could never be dependent on him, which translates to his not being attractive enough. His view of a future with you dims, and so he looks for gals more promising.
- Manly character and integrity serve women, but you have to mine it out of individual men. The best way is to show willingness, confirm opportunity, and offer promise of both listening and depending on him. It has the added advantage of enabling you to figure out his character and integrity.
- You may feel good but you devalue your importance by talking about yourself. A guy tires easily of it, and withdraws from wanting to please you. Men talk to admire and satisfy themselves, which adds to their desire to do something for or please you. They know already they’re important, and as they talk and please you more, confirmation grows of your expanding importance to them.
- Your worth to others depends on your ability to add importance to women and satisfaction to men. When you let or enable men to do something for you or to please you, they easily become satisfied as having done the right thing. Men don’t invest themselves for a woman without a return on investment, which is that you should think more of them than previously. A satisfying ROI. Consequently, if you have the receptivity problem Shermy described, you reduce your value to men for not helping them feel satisfied and better about themselves.
- Men know that the weaker sex deserves special treatment, which adds value to you, because you are an opportunity to show off his ability, virility, and stronger role in the universe. Refuse any respectable attention from a man and you belittle yourself and your gender. Hits are next.
- You have two forms of attractiveness, physical and sexual. The more you tout the latter, the less attention is shown to you as a woman. The more you refuse sexual attention, pleasantly convert it to the non-sexual without rejecting the man, then the more respect you earn by shifting his focus from sex and onto you.
- You’re as pretty as you convince yourself each morning before your favorite mirror. Your prettiness doubles when you pleasantly let a man ‘rescue’ you from thinking you can do everything by yourself. You can do it, but it doesn’t pay as well.
- Men like their independence, when they can find a doll who shines as dependent on them. An independent woman may look good but to male eyes she has a phony sheen about her.
- Female happiness is rooted in self-gratitude. Women ungrateful for who and what they are have trouble both finding happiness and accepting manly offers or assistance. However, accepting the support of others adds value to her. She must be better than she thinks, or they wouldn’t single her out to help. Therefore, by more willingly accepting male offers, she becomes more grateful for herself, which enables her to expand her gratitude for others and be released onto the road to female happiness.
It’s not what you do and don’t do, it’s the reaction of the guy you deal with. When you refuse his respectable initiatives, you satisfy yourself to your own disadvantage. When you pleasantly accept manly initiatives, your advantages multiply.
It is to the huge advantage of the superior gender that all women make all men feel better about themselves. A man’s self-admiration and satisfaction comes better from acceptance of his offer or gift rather than a guilt-caused compliment or thank you that comes with a turn down, refusal, rejection.