Tag Archives: relationship

2141. Compatibility Axioms #651-660


651. Devotion is observable. He courts her delicately and doesn’t push too hard for conquest, because he’s afraid of losing her. [222]

652. Commitment is infatuation, lust, love, or maybe half-empty words. The only proof lies in the absence of breaking up. [222]

653. Promises make a risky commitment, as females see it, but it’s often better than nothing. Women crave to be cherished but that only flows out of a man’s devotion. [222]

654. Inspiring and energizing her man without de-motivating him is difficult. But a woman’s natural relationship expertise provides enough talent and skill—if she also practices patience, indirectness, and cooperation instead of competition about decisions that are personally his. [227]

655. Only one way exists to find out if a man is really after a woman for herself. Withhold sex until he proves himself willing and worthy by honoring her ideals, standards, and expectations that he give up his freedom just for her. [227]

656. Long-term marriage boils down to this: She chose him. She’s the relationship expert. Experts critically qualify someone trying to sell them something. Later, they make necessary adjustments to live with what they ‘purchased’. [227]

657. Promises and words of commitment fade easily under daily pressures. Acts of commitment reinforce feelings, promote permanency, and grow into devotion capable of surviving daily pressures. [227]

658. Some women learn the hard way. They dress erotically to capture a man and follow up with sloppy dress and grooming. Eventually they find that it turns his head toward other neat and erotically attired females. Other women learn the easy way. They know and avoid sloppy appearance and inattentive personal grooming at home and in public. [228]

659. Feminist thinking in the home inspires women to favor ingratitude for their man’s imperfections rather than gratefulness for his manliness and strengths. Eventually, a man tires of it, his respect wanes, alienation sets in, and disruption or departure follows. [228]

660. Women expect to kiss a frog into prince hood. Men expect their woman to elevate them from prince to king. Modern women fail to provide this second ‘promotion’. [229]

 

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2137. RANDOM THOUGHTS—Group 97


  • Modern women betray their best interests. They abandon their greatest strengths dealing with males: mystery, modesty, morality, manners, meekness, marriage, monogamy, mothering, and a self-imposed and unique majesty that commands respect from males. The fallout spreads across society and men assume greater dominion over women and their home together.
  • Feminism encourages men to spread their seed. Femininity rewards men for hoarding it.
  • Confused but ever alert for another conquest, men watch as females of all ages deal unsuccessfully with their mates. As relationships crumble, men exploit the females dumped into the pool of those so desperate to recover they are easy to conquer.
  • If a man is to compete energetically for one woman to keep for a lifetime, women must have something of greater value than just genitalia.
    Since all women have that in common, he’s lured by other rewards than just sex for husbanding and fathering.
  • Feminism expects men to suppress their masculine instincts and still please women. Femininity expects men to use their masculine instincts to prove themselves worthy of women, children, and family life.
  • Women seek to change their world but do not listen to men. They learn by listening only to women. Consequently, what women know about men is often wrong.
  • Men see things like this. Things don’t change satisfactorily unless men change them or have them changed.
  • Men don’t look for flaws in the woman they marry. Her qualities outweigh her shortcomings, so that’s good enough. Women are opposite. His flaws are both correctable and his being good enough depends on his qualities enabling her to work on his flaws. Consequently, men marry a good woman and expect her to remain good for him. Therefore, he’s blameless if she changes. Women marry a man with flaws correctable by her and expecting to make him better for her. She earns the blame if he turns out different than she expects. Out of that arises the foreigner in their relationship, undeserved blame for the other. Blame and compatibility are already mutually exclusive, and undeserved blame makes it toxic.

 

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2088. Female Blessings at Birth — 91-93 Plus


We have arrived at the last three of the blessings that women carry but may not use. The new blessing/admiration seeds are bolded at the end of each item. I cite her blessings as men might see them and add a man’s natural response.

Your comments help and I continue to seek your T or F on each.

91. The root of my pleasure in life is my female uniqueness out of which popularity and sexual assets support my self-worth. [Guy adds: Knowing that men will do whatever women require for men to have frequent and convenient access to sex, smarter women rank feminine uniqueness higher than pleasure, self-respect higher than popularity, and self-worth higher than sexual relations. Her blessing: She’s of great worth as mate to a man. His admiration: (Short of what she would like.) Highly unlikely to pin me down—until she proves that she’s worth it, that is.]

92. I am grateful that my girlhood dreams came directly out of my heart, which I embellished with deep romance and well-deserved masculine chivalry. [Guy adds: Thus, a woman develops her primary mission in life. To live a good life in fulfillment of her girlhood dream. Her blessing: She knows what she wants her life to become, the process of loving and living for her and others. His admiration: For my long-range dreams and ambitions, she fits okay into my life. I can do romantic, chivalrous, nice, pleasant, kind, courteous, trusting, loyal, and respectable for my mate. Ain’t no big deal. Were I like other guys with few dreams or ambitions, she’s better off than I am.]

93. I am grateful for my social conscience in addition to the moral one. By that I mean my ability to analyze myself. I ease my guilt by analyzing myself as to cause and cure. Sometimes it works. Other times it doesn’t. I often overdo it with unintended consequences. I can even sink into depression by overdoing it. I’m still grateful, because it enables me to ease most of the misery of everyday guilt. [Guy adds: As to right and wrong and blame and innocence, self-analysis is a mixed blessing. Used beneficially and she profits. Used unwittingly and she punishes herself. For instance, she does something wrong or just out of kilter; the results were just not what she expected. Guilt sets in. She has to do something. To figure that out she turns to self-analysis. What did I do wrong? Insult them? Speak out when I shouldn’t? Hurt their feelings? Unable to find out for sure, she imagines possible answers. The more analysis, the more possibilities. The more possibilities, the more worries. The more worries, the more distraught she becomes. She cranks herself into a tizzy of options none of which appear to be appropriate and so her guilt intensifies rather than lessens. She loses sleep. She ignores or forgets this. We all make mistakes and recovery is everything. Her ability to search herself for cause and cure enables plans for recovery and self-analysis can ease her guilt. But it’s not all blessing. It can cause self-induced discomfort more than comfort. Some use it in ways that paralyze. Others recede into depression. But the smarter ones use it to just recover from mistakes rather than trying to solve problems for others. The more successful women are those less bothered by endless guilt. Her blessing: She can admit her mistakes and take blame for relationship friction. She’s endowed with the ability to minimize damage to herself and reduce blame on others. His admiration: I can’t do that. If someone is wrong or makes mistakes, they deserve what they get. It includes me, although I admit to escaping without much self-analysis.]

Thus, the series ends but the new project doesn’t. I shall soon post the new project condensed version—aka her blessings vs. his admiration—probably in one page at shown in the menu at blog top.

Three closing thoughts:

  • The item most declared false by readers was the first one that started, “I am a great kisser….” At post 2007 the score was: 11 True and 4 False)
  • Out of 391 opinions cast, only 7% were False. In fact, none of the Fs, while legitimate conviction among readers, was sufficiently convincing to deny that it’s inherited at birth. I therefore presume it pretty accurate that all 92 are fairly good descriptions of the blessings. I’m sure there are more than 92 and my research continues. (I’d like to hear from anyone in serious disagreement with my conclusions.)
  • The series confirms this lesson in my mind. I, if not readers, am convinced that self-gratitude is the taproot of female happiness. Without it women can’t find enough gratitude in others to be important enough to themselves and thus jump on the road to happiness. For all you unhappy women, bless yourselves by claiming the blessings in this series as descriptive of you. Act on it and you can lift yourself out of the doldrums or misery that you face daily.

Goodbye, ladies, until the next article. But don’t ever forget this series. It’s bedrock for a happy female life.

 

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2086. Female Blessings at Birth — 85-87 Plus


The new project seeds continue at the end of each blessing. They are bolded. I cite her blessing as men might see it and add a man’s natural response. Your comments help.

Blessing approval continues. Agree with these?

85. I am grateful to be ‘wired’ this way. When I sit to eat a meal prepared by me or someone else, my mind becomes occupied by more important things than enjoying the food. So I don’t overeat. [Special credit to Marianne S. for her contribution identifying this female blessing that comes with birth. Guy adds: Her mind flashes to other things on her agenda, such as how to 1) brighten the next upcoming event or opportunity. 2) Stimulate conversation that affirms the eaters or whoever fixed the meal. 3) Find gratitude in having family or friends gathered together for a short while. 4) Find pleasure with herself for bringing two or more together. 5) Discourage daughters from eating too much. 6) Jump up to serve others. 7) Enjoy herself for having prepared the food. 8) Enjoy that the males of her family are satisfying themselves with her food, company, or both. 9) Confirm to herself that tomorrow’s schedule will come off better than today’s. 10) And ad infinitum. Consequently, with her mind preoccupied on other than directly pleasing her own taste buds, she eats slowly and lightly and appreciates that it’s normal, that she is made that way. Moreover, preparing food adds to her sense of importance. Eating eagerly and satisfyingly to please her taste buds—as men do naturally—adds to her proportions unnaturally. She inherits at birth the excellent insight and primal urge to enjoy things other than eating at meal time. Thus, the overweight that she sees on herself is a sign of past disregard of her feminine nature, particularly disregard by trying to copy men or compensate for frustration, boredom, or depression by heavy eating. She’s born to be naturally compatible, and changing her bridal shape to something else is unnatural and does not add to husband’s gratitude for their togetherness. Her blessing: She tends to avoid and not become overweight. His admiration: Her convictions guide her well, and I love her more for remaining the woman I married.]

86. I put myself at disadvantage if I approach men of interest first. Something inside disturbs my mind, even though men say they are flattered and other women encourage it. [Special credit to Screamstyle for her contribution identifying this female blessing that comes with birth. Guy adds: Men don’t expect it and don’t respect women that do it. It smacks that she’s desperate, because it brings her out of the cocoon of uniqueness that men like and expect to see. Female desperation discourages his initiative and prevents the development of manly respect. Men expect women to be independent and uniquely self-sufficient, which a man’s nature expects to last until he proactively turns her interests toward him. If she approaches him, she takes away his opportunity to earn her attention, which means he doesn’t much respect whatever attention she gives him. Her approach also takes away his opportunity to admire the effects he expects to produce. Provided, that is, if he’s interested in her for more than sex. Her blessing: She has patience and respect for men to do the right thing correctly. His admiration: She has self-respect, self-discipline, determination, and high expectations and probably high standards. I shall have to try harder.]

87. I am grateful that my instinct leads me to this. The natural organization of relationships calls for ‘us’ to come before him, him to come before me, and we come before others. (I wish that men would learn that part about “us to come before him”. My setting the example doesn’t seem the least bit contagious.) [Guy adds: Men don’t think ‘us comes before him or her, only women think that way. Either she comes before him or he comes before her. (I disregard the unusual in-between balance just to compare the norm.) She comes first means that he’s very devoted to her. He comes first means that he conquered her without investing himself very deeply in the process of respecting her and therefore wanting to please her endearingly. Men don’t love as women do, and women defeat themselves by expecting it. Think of man and man’s best friend. The more he cares for and pleases his dog with both treats and challenges, the more devoted he becomes to the dog. It’s much the same principle in courtship. His actions program his heart. The more he pleases and presents challenges to a woman in ways that satisfy him, the deeper his devotion grows, the more endearingly he seeks to share himself. If a woman seeks to assess a man’s love of her, let her evaluate his dedication to each of these: 1) His respect for her as person and woman (the foundation). 2) His devotion that pleases her according to his tastes and wishes (his investment). 3) His satisfaction with the way she fills her various roles in their life together (his dependence on her). 4) How her presence enlarges his self-confidence including in bed and public (his return on investment). 5) How her presence lifts his spirits and settles his attitudes (reward for good husbanding). Her blessing: She knows how relationships work, she’s the expert. His admiration: She’s wonderful because he doesn’t have to do it.]

As before, mark each item T or F with whatever comment you wish to add.

This is an old subject expressed a new way. The superior sex is the irresistible force pitted against the immovable object, the dominant sex. Men can be moved by one irresistible force: Indirect leadership built around attractiveness and natural blessings that empower women from birth. Men lack such influential abilities.

 

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2072. Compatibility Axioms #461-470


All that follows below is based on the natures of men and women as they are born. Women have to figure out what’s best for them given the lessons they have learned in life and the relationships they enter.

461. Privacy about her sexual past serves her best, but it’s tough to keep. Women talk to unload their guilt or blame their ex. Even friends sometimes disclose what they shouldn’t. [156]

462. Women feel more guilt than men when relationships fail. It’s one price they pay for being the better relationship experts and managers. Both to escape guilt and gain an edge in legal proceedings, women eject first to center the blame on their man.

463. Her mate wants to know of her sexual past, but she should let him wonder. Ex-husbands are known as partners, of course, but details should never be disclosed. Non-husband partners count against her, so she only makes it worse to even acknowledge those relationships. Even platonic male friends and acquaintances can be suspect. (On that particular subject, a man’s imagination can run wild at the slightest hint of suspicion about his woman’s sexual conduct.) [156]

464. After split up and explaining to relieve guilt, she seeks both sympathy and empathy for her mistakes and her ex’s inadequacies. Encouragement by others to make her feel better confirms her rightness. Friends easily assign blame to her ex. Future lovers might too if she tells a compelling story, but it’s hazardous to the health of new relationships. His empathy today can turn to his ammo in a dispute next year.[156]

465. Trust discourages suspicions but a man’s trust takes longer to develop than a woman’s. Hers is more unconditional and easily given. His is more conditional and must be earned and concluded in his imagination. [166]

466. Whatever New Man knows of her sexual history helps instigate suspicions that slow, stunt, or undermine the growth of his trust. Moreover, it affects his love, which is based on respect, which grows out of trust and vice versa in the hearts of men. [166]

467. Her New Man’s inquisitiveness about her exes is natural. Hearing details, he shifts into his masculine competitive mode. He subtly interrogates her with his curiosity and imagination. He inquires indirectly. Was or was not her ex or exes superior in sexual relations, manliness, attentiveness, likeability, dependability, or as producer, provider, protector, or problem solver for her? To himself he will proudly claim “not” for the other guys. Until, that is, he concludes otherwise from small details that she discloses or he uncovers. Without uncovering details to the contrary, his imagination judges by how difficult she is for him to conquer and easily concludes ‘not’ for the other guys. Late conquest adds directly to her value as keeper. [166]

468. A sexually active past doesn’t demean her for conquest. It demeans the potential for their subsequent relationship. It doesn’t mean he won’t marry her, but an imagined score card looks something like this: She loses respect-points for each of her exes and leaves a trail of doubt for New Man’s suspicions. The more easily she is conquered by New Man, the more respect-points she loses for predecessors, and the more snooping is invited of her past. Since a man’s love is founded on respect, especially for how she protects her most important asset, refusing to have first-sex with New Man restores respect-points to the score card. It’s why virtual virginity works. [166]

469. Looking for Mr. Good Enough, a woman suffers pressures that don’t help her. For example: (1) Being sexually active to keep up with her peers. (2) The lack of long range purpose and goals for her life, having forgotten or given up on her girlhood hopes and dreams. (3) Excessive eagerness to have boyfriend, live in, or husband. (4) Inexperience making sound judgments about HER long range future. Virtual virginity reverses such ‘enemy’ pressures. [169]

470. While her legs are crossed, a woman compares her thinking with her feelings, her wishes with the facts, her future with the promises she faces. Such clear-headedness brings far fewer mistakes. [169]

 

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2052. Submissive #09 — Dictators and Rule the Rooster


I continue with situations that make women more aware of what’s happening between the sexes.

24. In a marriage moving along successfully, submission doesn’t haunt the wife. As the relationship kingpin, she knows how to integrate their respective strengths, minimize their respective weaknesses, and discretely pick the battles she will wage. Her submissive spirit moderates her husband’s dominance by weakening his need for it. [Guy adds: Her submissive spirit is the linchpin for encouraging him to put aside his competitive role-protection and enjoy the friendliness and encouragement that goes along with her hints, seed planting, and patience, aka her cooperative spirit. The more he goes along to get along with her prescriptions for home life, then the more he moves toward becoming Mr. Right. Right, ladies?

Unfortunately, if he morphs too much and she determines that he’s grown into Mr. Right too soon, then she loses interest in improving him. Enabled to quit trying, she grows bored. It contributes to the hurdle I call the 20-year ditch, either her of him or him of her. Ideally, she to herself declares him Mr. Right about the same time that security takes on a more awesome meaning to her. Improving him morphs into using him to brighten her future security. When does it happen? Who knows? But the more easily he slips into the spider web that enables her to actually dominate, the sooner she becomes bored. That is, with so much success, too few struggles, and too easy to get her way, then she seeks new challenges to reinforce her sense of self-importance. It prompts her to think outside the box (home).]

25. The successful wife recognizes that her husband’s primal urge to be head of the family far outweighs her need to rule the roost. So she aspires to rule the rooster mostly with him being unaware. [Guy adds: It’s caused mostly by her nature and is the offspring of her well-meaning submissive and cooperative spirits. However, some women will add deviousness to their efforts. Of course it brutalizes a woman’s sincerity. If husband detects insincerity or deviousness, her credibility and his respect plummet. Because trying to rule the rooster is natural to females, it’s acceptable to males when done honestly and sincerely. Deviousness and tricks merely waste effort and enlarge odds that she will lose in the long run.]

26. A vital part of the submissive spirit is letting husband discover and fix his own mistakes. If wife points them out directly, or harps about them, he goes into defensive mode that agitates his dominant nature. It amounts to her threatening or at least tinkering with his sense of significance. This pushes a man to seek submission on his terms and restore his significance. Her submissive spirit gets wasted in the aftermath. [Guy adds: Marital success depends on what she sees him do to, about, and for her. Also, why, how, and what he hears her say to, about, and for him. IOW, the starting point of marital judgments is his ears and her eyes, in both cases their secondary sensors. Examples: She sees his laziness and rings the bell to start the next round. Her endless chatter about things of no interest to him drives him to turn off his hearing long before he’s old enough to have and turn off his hearing aid.]

27. Marriages fail easily unless the CEO power struggle is resolved harmoniously. The ideal arrangement has spouses developing a working division of authority that makes both sides feel safe, comfortable, and confident about the other. Ideally, arranged in courtship, both agree to yield on matters over which the other has responsibility. But in the end, each has to yield cooperatively or disputes have a way of magnifying in both number and meanness. [Guy adds: It’s no easy matter to assign responsibility and authority to one spouse because marriage is a sharing experience. However, it’s still a sharing matter. When push comes to shove on some issue, one spouse has the upper hand. That is, the authority to render the final decision after sharing the issue with other spouse. For example: He rules the family; she rules the home. The ‘junior partner’ easily learns they will lose in the end, and so they only argue so long to get their way. It may not settle emotions of the moment, but animosities fade with time. Fading animosities re-open the door to harmony.]

28. Her husband’s game may be hard dictatorial rule. But God designed, nature endows, and hormones energize her to handle him successfully. So long as she cooperates with his nature rather than competes with his dictatorial manner. Her feminine nature guides her to this: 1) She can’t outplay so she must outsmart him. 2) If he liked himself, he wouldn’t be like he is, so she needs to help him like himself, and admiration works best and criticism works worst. 3) She exploits her feminine nature to confirm the wife’s role as pleasantly superior for generating household peace and that makes his dictatorial manner unnecessary. [Guy adds: I can’t add much. Women at birth inherit the relationship expertise to work themselves in, around, over, and under dictatorial rule in the home.]

More tomorrow about a wife’s eternal battle with her man’s expectations.

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2051. Submissive #08 — Virtual Virginity Earns Less Submission


I continue with situations that make women more aware of what’s happening mentally between the sexes. [Guy adds: ]

19. Virtual virginity softens his expectations that she submit to his natural dominance. It enables her to structure their relationship to her liking and suitability for marriage. [Guy adds: Female purity is a minor attraction. It’s all those men—unknown in name and number—that beat him to her, enable her to compare his performance, and cause him to imagine things that plague his memory. On top of that, who, when, why, how, and where will he face them? Men go deeply against their nature when they have to accept facing a man that previously slept with their woman. All the alibis in the world don’t assuage the hurt and perhaps hatred that he has to suppress. It’s most of the persistent grumble or worse that exists between mates when he knows of her sexual history. That modern men seem to accept their women having had previous lovers does not mean it doesn’t affect respect for her. Women loved less than they deserve is a direct function of less respect and seems to be a modern phenomenon, which is a direct reflection of her man’s knowledge and loathing of her sexual past.]

20. In the face of her ardent virtual virginity defense, a man will become or can be lured into an unnatural-for-males submissive spirit, a premarital sign of his devotion to her. The value of long courtship and engagement is this: Whatever dominant/submissive balance they achieve becomes habitual, and such habits structure the marriage. [Guy adds: Consequently, virtual virginity has more inherent influence with men than does actual virginity. True virginal innocence energizes a guy to be more dominant, to not let her escape, to be first. Virtual virginity enables her to shape their relationship.]

21. Recovery is everything. When wife continually acts like the boss, he feels insignificant, and this simultaneously makes her less attractive and other women more appealing. Perhaps unpleasant to accept, but the choice is hers. If she expects to keep him, she needs to sacrifice what is meaningful to him. He gave up his independence for her, so she must pay a price worthwhile to him. And the primal male nature calls submission the price. [Guy adds: When she suppresses her natural bossiness, she opens the door to her submissive spirit, which has far greater potential to bring harmony into their relationship.]

22. Fawning submission to husband produces loss of her self-respect and his consequent loss of respect of her. On the other hand, in-his-face refusals amount to challenging his sense of significance. Repeat refusals put her in the dumpee seat and his hand on the ejection lever. [Guy adds: Nothing works better than patience and indirectness to balance his expectation of submission with her submissive spirit—that thing so embedded in her heart that she is grateful for it. Virtual virginity opens the door to negotiation and it carries forward into marriage.]

23. The smart wife honors her husband’s role such that he doesn’t have to exploit his dominant nature, especially its explosive underside. Loss of temper makes him feel bad about himself (well hidden to be sure), which means he thinks less of her for having provoked it. [Guy adds: Her likeability and marital success depend on what he hears from her mouth. He doesn’t pay attention to what she says simply because he doesn’t like it or her for saying it.]

More will be posted tomorrow about a wife’s eternal battle with her man’s expectations.

 

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